A Bandit in Equestria: The Culling of the Herd

by Muffinlord

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Human, Dark
Length: 1737

A blind bandit and his companion hellhound wreck havoc across equestria. Can the idea of peace settle in this duo's mind, or will the ponies' bias be their downfall.

Fruitcake Roddy as he was known, was the most irrational, dangerous, and downright insane bandit this side Faerun. His moonshine habit made him blind but those who entered his territory were hunted by a hound who lead his quarry straight to him. He has a loyal hellhound sharp as a whip and incredible skill with a bow. What will happen when this duo find themselves in a land similar to their own. Simple. They are going to have some fun.

This is my take on a human in equestria. One not sane, and with little but with everything to gain.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-12 01:21:57 UTC

Chapter One

Some say that all life is sacred. Some say that what they are doing is because of the greater good. Those are good.

Some say that life doesn't matter. That the ends justify the means. That they will have their rule. Those are evil.

Then there are the insane. Those who blatantly spit in the face of the mundane and see with a freed mind to do whatever the hell they please. This is the tale of the most insane bandit this side of Faerun. Fruitcake Roddy.

Most people when given the diagnosis that they have gone blind cry, get angry, or something of that matter. Fruitcake Roddy simply shrugged and guzzled more of his homemade moonshine. For Fruitcake Roddy wasn't always a murdering psychopath who as often invited his guest to spot of hardened cider as he gutted them where they stood. He was once a powerful ranger, who tamed a mighty hellhound to be his companion till his dieing day.

Unfortunatley for the hellhound, he is an elf. Which means he will not die from old age.  Now Malar looks upon this insane, yet very predatory elf and thinks, What could I give him? He decides to send word to via his avatar to Roderick von Krieg of Faerun. He asked if he could have anything, what would it be. The answer was simple. A forest of his own. A place to practice the art of the still, and to revere the one he trusted from the beginning of his days as a ranger, Malar himself.

Malar was delighted to hear that this, but asked why he kept a very dangerous predator as his companions.

Fruitcake Roddy, Insane and blind, asked if he would like a drink and a seat, it would be a long story.

Malar was taken aback, but seeing as he was seen ,metaphorically, as a guest and not a god, decided to play along to learn more of this twisted psychopath who kills in his name.

Roderick grabbed two cups and asked if he would perfer wine, stout, or whiskey.

Malar said,"Whichever is the strongest, I feel especially like I need to loosen up."

He poured out some infamous Grape Lightning, his own special wine which make even the coldest Jotun feel a fire burning down their throat.

Malar drank it and felt a twinge of inebriation. Surprised a mortal could have a strong enough liquor to make him even the slightest bit tipsy was a great surprise. After drinking the whole tankard. He let out a huge sigh. It has been far to long since an offering was made even slightly that good.

Taking the sigh as a sign the guest has settled in, and for once feeling peace in his maddened mind, he begins by telling about how he met Quina, His hellhound.

50 years ago...

The hellhound pup stood growling at the monsters that dare took her mother away from her. Her ears pinned straight back, her snarl showing as much of her pearly whites as possible for a canine. The warrior, mage, and rogue were in it for the exp, so the mage began an incantation to banish the being.

He saw too late that a specially enchanted arrow was heading towards his chest. Breaking through his magical shielding and piercing his greedy heart, the group noticed an elf with an arrow nocked for the rogue's studded leather, it's mithril head shining it the thick forest.

"We mean no ha-" He was cut off by an arrow to the face.

"You meant plenty of harm to the poor hellhound, you broke a sacred law, and for that, you will die."

"You will die monster!" the warrior shouted and charged the hellhound hoping to dispell it's demonic influence on the ranger. There was no such influence.

The ranger moved with grace as he unsheathed an epee, and targeted at the poorly made warrior's charge.

With but a simple thrust and twist the warrior died.

He knelt in front of the little hellhound and held out his hand, The hellhound snarled and bit his hand, hard. Unfortunately she realized her jaws locked on this creature's non dominant hand. Panic showed through her eyes until she heard something in the abyssal tongue.

"Hmm? You are simply defending yourself, as any animal in the Nine Hells would."

He took a deep intake through his nose, and sighed.

"That was your mother, wasn't it?" he asked with genuine concern.

She was so shocked that she let go of his hand and the blood flowed freely.

He looked at the deep wound and grinned. He applied a salve and bandage to it, while not standing nor making himself intimidating.

"I will take care of you, With Malar as my witness, you will become a true huntress."

He then offered some cooked blood-sausage to the hellhound, who took one wiff of his homemade cooking and ate the whole ration.

"I think Quina, would be a good name for you. Come now Quina, We have a lot of training to do." he said, not skipping a word in the abyssal tongue.

Quina followed this savior and giver of food, perhaps they would both benefit from each other's training.

Malar was not the one for to ask for stories, but he knew few that would have stepped in to take care of a young hellhound after her mother was killed. He was impressed. Upon seeing the fully grown hellhound at his feet, glaring at the god. He realized he kept his promise.

Malar then got up and reached into the mind of Fruitcake Roddy, and saying this directly to his soul. "You have proven worthy in the eyes of Malar. You and you companion will be sent to a forest that you will be sovereign, for now sleep well Brother Guulvorg."

Quina and Roderick fell asleep instantly. Their destiny intertwined with a world unlike theirs.

Chapter Two

Some things are best left unseen. Somehow the eye still works, gulping down those images, and processing the mental trauma there after.

Roderick's eyes were still not working when he woke, but he felt something furry and very warm atop him. After taking an intake of breath through his nose he confirmed. It was Quina he smelled. He let out an irritated sigh.

"How long has it been since I took her as my own, 30 years, 50, 100? I don't know how but she is the only thing keeping me sane."

He heard something, wingbeats. Feathered wingbeats. Large feathered wingbeats.

Quina! We got something incoming, it smells, wrong. It coming from the SKY! So, please, get off me so I can loose and arrow in it's HIDE!

Quina got up, and started listening to the wind and the wingbeats. She looked around and all was dark forest. The treetops making it hard for any light or creature to get through.

"Roderick, the trees are too dense for...Eep!" she yelped as the top of the forest parted for this creature. It looked like a wizard got bored with a unicorn and pegasus and melded them together. Also who puts a night sky in the main of a steed?

Unfortunatly, as she was beginning to descend onto the forest floor Roddy has loosed an arrow in her wing. How did she know it was female? Male don't normally have those kind of lungs on them. Normally, she remembered when she took a walk in the forest and roderick slowly slaughtered a hamlet to make her come back.

Note to self, don't leave the poor guy's side except for an emergency

I hope not, I still have the hide of you last date as my cloak.

Uh, How much of that did you see?

Enough that when I did come to the clearing,I was mad as the Hells and decided to make him into a garment.

"THOU FOALS, WE WERE TRYING TO AID THEE!"she shouted in the Royal Canterlot voice.

Quina is very sensitive to sounds and when she heard that it felt like a concussive blast, heck it might have been.

All roderick needed to see was the being that he looked about as a child, tossed aside by some magic using herbivore.

Wait I can see? Quina's hurt, don't worry about extra senses until you remove all of them from this creature.

In an instant, summoned a claw of Malar and strode to the grounded horse.

"Wait, surely we can talk things out." she pleaded

"You hurt Quina, you ARE dead!"

The creature flung some form of spell from her horn.  It hit is leg and in an instant he was kneeling.

"Not so mighty kneeling are we?"

She looked at the injured elf. the wing would heal, but no one bests... wait, are those flames around it's being.

Roderick was already mad as the hells, so he didn't noticed as flames started to change his elven form. They gave him black leather wings. Horns were laid upon his brow. His right hand turned to talons. And finally when he opened his eyes, they glowed a deep amber.

"You lay your eyes upon my form, I spare none that dare harm Quina Bloodborne."

He gestured to hound who's ears were still wringing.

"I can make an exeption, give me lumber and some land here in this forest. Your regalia is not just for show, neither are my wings.

"I losed and arrow in your hide while I had no sight, I smelled and heard large wingbeats. You would react similar no?"

Quina started to stir then.

"I will be at the northern most clearing this forest. May Malar have mercy on the rule you just broke."

He walked over to Quina, picked her up in his arms. With a few mighty wingbeats, he was gone into the forest.

Quina awoke to the smell of roderick, but added with brimstone.

"Quina, things are different, but they are still the same. I will always protect you, til my dieing breath. With every once of the demonic blood in my veins, I will make sure beings like this pay. That is a promise."

She looked at him for the first time as a Fey'ri, a elf with demon's blood. He had two sharply curved horns on his brow. He eyes glowed a deep amber. She saw that he had been weeping, but his eyes, they don't have a cataract anymore.