I awake to a sound akin to a gong.

I snort, it's too early for this shit.
I flip over, my face in the pillows.
BWONG

Ah hell, if it's Jehovah Witness I can tell them to go away, if it's thieves, my guns will be right to my left.
BWONG

I get up, brush some lint off my shoulder, and flip the two latches holding the door shut.

Imagine my face when an orange pony kicked me right in the crotch.

It would look like someone's face who had a tree fall on them.

"Girls, ah didn't hit metal, did I get it open?" A southern voice calls out through my pain. A tomboyish voice yells out too "Why is a hairless chimpanzee wearing clothes and rolling in the floor?"

I get to my knees, let a tear fall - Hey you! Crying is manly! Boy only at funerals, weddings, and occasionally when you get kicked in the balls!- and look at my attackers.

Horses.
I yell, not expecting technicolored horses.

It was a gentlemen's yell. Not something like, say, "Holyshithorse." No. I can assure you that's what I did not yell.

That's totally what I yelled.
It got quite the reaction, the horses with wings took to the air, hit their head on the ceiling, and fell back to the ground. The two normal horses panicked, running into their respective walls, and the unicorn, who almost shishkebabed me with her horn. She ran into my home yelling bloody murder, and
cloth-lined herself on the reclining couch.

That left one unicorn-Pegasus combo looking stupid in my door way.

I sighed, having since gotten out of the floor, and looked at the last horse -actually they look more like ponies- standing. "I don't suppose you could help a man out and help me get them inside would you?"
The purple horse screamed, "Please don't eat us!" And then passed out of shock.
..."HOLYSHITTALKINGHORSE"

-~-~-

So Purple woke up first after me putting all of them in comfortable spots. She told me their names while I got an ice pack for my sore crotch.

They seemed pretty cool by the stories Twilight was telling me.

Except Applejack. She can take a long walk of a short pier for all I care.

It's probably just because she endangered my DNA rifle.

"So why were you rolling in the floor when we first met you?" I give her a nasty look, "Seriously? Did you not see that Applejack kick me?"
She nodded. "Yea , but nopony acts like that when their kicked." I sigh, massaging my nose. "She kicked me in the testicals Twilight."

Her eyes shot down to pinpricks the second that left my mouth. She tried to apologize, ask if I'm okay, and if I need medical attention at the same time. Although it sounded like a sneeze when it came out, it brung me joy that she cared for me that much. I wait for the stream of words to stop.
...Twilight.exe has stopped
I throw my ice pack at her to shut her up for a few seconds.

"I'm okay, but we need to wake up your friends." She nodded, and I walked over to the kitchen, picked up a small frozen water bottle and let a cold drip start above Rainbow.

-~-~-

My master plan did not work so well.

Rainbow did not wake up until the ice in the bottle shrunk to where it could fit through the drinking hole.

The ice slipped through, and got her right on the forehead.
In an instant, she was up and in a fighting stance. Her eyes locked with mine, and she launched herself at my with the ferocity of seven cats.

Time went at a snails pace, she was flying at me, and I could do nothing. I close my eyes and wait for the end. Bury me with my guns. Wait, where are my guns? Oh well, I'll be dead in a second.
...
I'm not dead!

Twilight seemed to have grabbed Rainbow with her magic. Cool.

"No attacking your host. What do you say?" I ask her. "Buck you, you filthy monster! You locked me and my friends in here! Let us out!"

"I will have you know I'm quite fancy. But you have offended me, and as such, you are kicked out of my hole in the ground." I look to Twilight, who is looking at me with much confusion.

"Please levitate our friend here outside the door." She seems uncertain, but does as I ask. The second shes clear, I slam the door, and hit the locks. The slam of the door awakens the others. I look to Twilight, "You all are allowed in and out of my home as you want, although Rainbow is banned for three days."

Twilight sighs, but nods.
"Girls, I think that we can let him stay." The others, still drowsy, dumbly nod.

They say their goodbyes and leave.

I wait for a few minutes, and start panicking. I couldn't have shown weakness In front of new guests now could I? "Where in the hell am I to have talking horses knock on my door."
.
.
.
I have idea.
You see, is simple idea
.
.
I open door,
.
.
Climb up ladder,
.
.
check for myself!
What could go wrong!
So I do that, and find myself in a forest.
I emerge from the safety of home, and take a breath of air.
And something is behind me.

A giant kitty. With wings.
I drop down the hatch, and sprint down to the main door. The kitty has found its way into my tunnel.

I slam the door and lock the latches, and a eighteen wheeler slams into the other side.

I am scared for my life. I look to my guns and think I could use them, but I've never killed anything other than spiders! I could not kill a big thing like that!

So I do the only thing a man in my situation could do. Go to my bed an cry.

Author's Note

Kittykat