Sparkle of Darkness

Rainbow Dash left her home in the clouds and prepared to make the flight down to Ponyville. Weather management was an easy enough task for the fastest flyer out of Cloudsdale. She could clear a patch of sky in 10 seconds flat and spend the rest of the day napping or practicing daring airborne stunts. Still, to keep earning paycheques she’d have to keep kicking clouds. The mayor overlooked Rainbow’s nonchalant attitude towards her employment, but wouldn’t tolerate unreasonable absences for very long.

Rainbow flexed her wings before diving off the cloud, gaining speed as she freefell towards the ground. Building velocity, she became increasingly aware of an unpleasant sensation. Normally flight gave her a wonderful adrenalin rush, bringing her to a feeling of total elation. Now the faster she went, the weirder she felt. Rather than streaming across her body in a perfect flow the wind seemed to crash heavily into her, as if thousands of tiny needles were being driven into her body every moment. Even though she felt like she was freezing from within, she broke into an uncomfortable sweat. She was short of breath, despite her exhausting attempt to draw more air into her lungs. Her head throbbed as she struggled to keep herself from passing out or throwing up. For a moment, she thought she was back in the woods. In an instant she felt herself staring on uselessly as Fluttershy cried for mercy. She saw the dog’s final strike on the yellow Pegasus. She felt the rage and guilt boiling inside her. Bone crunching under hoof, flesh tenderising from her blows, the pleading cry that the dog let out immediately before the fatal blow; it all came back to her. Finally, she saw the ground racing towards her as she prepared to strike it with enough force to destroy every one of the savage beasts. But she didn’t want to. She wanted to pull out of the dive, but had not control over her body. She had to do this. It was the only option. As she relived the devastating impact of the rainbomb, Rainbow Dash gasped heavily and snapped back to reality.

Rainbow shuddered as she halted mid-air. She was shocked and confused; she didn’t really know what she was feeling. She didn’t know what she should be feeling. The destructive power of her rainbomb seemed to have vaporised something inside her, leaving only a sickly feeling of emptiness. She looked around wide-eyed and erratically. The wide open sky seemed so suffocating and yet so desolate, as if the air itself was tightening and creating an inescapable bond. No matter how much air she took in, she couldn’t quell her dizzying panic. Gawking at the ground stupidly, Rainbow flapped her wings in an awkward effort to remain airborne. The ground appeared to be moving further and further away. It seemed terrifying and repulsive, and Rainbow couldn’t shake the nagging thought that making any movement towards it would force her to relive the events of the previous day. Eventually, she summoned the courage to slowly descend. Every yard she dropped felt like an immense struggle, but she still managed to slowly progress to her goal. Still in a state of near hysteria, she finally landed and caught her breath.

Even on the safety of solid ground, Rainbow felt exposed and vulnerable. Her legs shook weakly as the sickening sensation slowly subsided. When she had regained control over her mind, immense humiliation settled in. It was as if all of Equestria had seen her embarrassing breakdown. She looked at the ground with shame. How could a Pegasus be afraid of heights? What was wrong with her? Once these thoughts settled in, Rainbow tried to play down the situation. She wanted to convince herself it was nothing to be ashamed of. Why would the greatest flyer out of Cloudsdale let something scare her out of the sky? In her attempt to become comfortably numb to her racing thoughts, she began to rationalise her breakdown. She decided that she was probably just ill; she must have contracted a weird fever in the woods. Surely there was nothing wrong with her, she was just unwell. Following this line of thought, Rainbow uneasily trotted to the local clinic.

***

“...so, what’ve I caught?” Rainbow finished after explaining her issue to the grey, aging unicorn stallion who was her doctor. She was uncomfortable with having to ask another pony for help, especially since she had to repeat such an embarrassing story. Her sense of pride, however, was nothing compared to her love of flight. She desperately wanted to go airborne again, so she didn’t delay seeking medical expertise.

The doctor felt along the Pegasus’s wings and replied “There’s nothing physically wrong with you, Rainbow. Have you been under any extra stress or pressure recently?”

“No,” Rainbow lied, too hastily to be convincing.

“Look, we all have problems. It’s not healthy to repress your emotions. I’m here to help you, Rainbow. Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me. Not like that, anyway. I was in the woods most of yesterday; I think I’ve caught something.”

The doctor stared at Rainbow concernedly for a moment before replying “Every pony from here to Canterlot must have seen that explosion, Rainbow. Let me help you. I mean, there is medication for this sort of thing, but it’s only recommend as a last resort. You need to talk about this. You don’t want to keep spiralling into depression. There’s clearly-”

“I’m not crazy!” Rainbow interrupted, losing her temper, “you keep saying I need to talk, but you’re not a very good listener if you don’t get that. I went to the woods and I caught pony flu or something. That’s it. All you need to do is take out your little prescription pad and give me something so that I can fly again.”

“I didn’t say you’re crazy,” the doctor sighed deeply. He’d never had to deal with this sort of thing before. With no practical experience he was trying to recall his knowledge from medical school, which was several decades ago. He could tell he was dealing with the situation poorly, but he was desperate to help his patient. He paused to consider his words before continuing carefully, “There’s nothing wrong with feeling down. It’s perfectly normal to feel, let’s say, less than magnificent from time to time. Keeping everything bottled up just makes things worse. I could refer you to a therapist or-“

“You said there are meds for this sort of thing though, huh?” Rainbow interrupted again with a slight smile.

The doctor looked at his patient with disapproval before sighing with exasperation. He didn’t know what to say, and if she wasn’t willing to take his referral what could he do? Reluctantly, he filled out a prescription.
“It will make you feel better about yourself, but it’ll never solve your problems. Think about what I’ve said. ” the doctor stated as he handed the prescription to Rainbow.

“You just said that feeling bad about myself is my problem, doc. Once I’m airborne, it’ll be fine. A Pegasus is nothing without her wings.” Rainbow took the prescription and left the clinic.