Bork & Pinkieby anotheraccountChaptersChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 1Chapter 1 The week before Hearth’s Warming was a very busy time of year for everypony. The day before Hearth’s Warming was the most busy day of the week. Some ponies were getting some last-minute practice for a Hearth’s Warming performance. Other ponies were putting the finishing touches on the decorations around town. Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie...sipped hot cocoa. “So, Twilight,” Pinkie said as she lifted her cup and took a sip of her hot cocoa, “did you have any plans for the evening now that you’ve finished your Hearth’s Warming preparations?” Pinkie took another sip of cocoa and smiled as she cradled her cup in her hooves. Twilight levitated her cup using her magic and took a sip. “Well, I’ll probably head back to the library and read some stories with Spike.” Twilight took another sip of cocoa and put her cup back down onto the table. “How about you, Pinkie? Any plans for the evening?” Pinkie Pie enthusiastically nodded in response. “Yepperooni! I’m going to visit the bakeries in town, buy some Hearth’s Warming sweets, and come back here to Sugar Cube Corner!” Pinkie took another sip of cocoa, and then put her empty cup onto the table. “And then I’m going to bake some cookies!” Twilight raised an eyebrow as she finished her cocoa. “I’m afraid to ask, but why are you gathering so many goodies tonight?” Pinkie began rubbing her front hooves together as a large grin appeared on her face. “This year I’m going to find out who the sweetest chef is in Ponyville! I have my suspicions, but tonight I’m going to find out for sure!” Twilight watched Pinkie bouncing energetically in her chair, and couldn’t decide whether it was from the cocoa or Pinkie just being Pinkie. For all she knew it could be either, or even a combination. She decided to table that mystery for the moment as Pinkie gasped and reached across the table to pull Twilight’s face towards herself until Twilight was mere inches away from Pinkie’s muzzle. “Twilight, you have magic!” Pinkie said excitedly as she gazed into Twilight’s eyes. “Um….yes?” answered Twilight as she blinked in confusion and tried to pull away from Pinkie’s grasp. “Twilight, you can help me find out who the sweetest chef is in Ponyville with magic! If you cast a spell, we can find out right away without having to sample everypony’s cooking!” Twilight pulled back and escaped the clutches of two surprisingly strong hooves. Lifting one of her own hooves, the began to tap her muzzle and furrowed her brows. “Well, I’m not so sure about divination magic...I don’t think there is a spell that can tell us this.” Twilight stopped tapping her muzzle and held her hoof still. Very quietly Twilight mumbled to herself as she watched Pinkie as she bounced in her seat, "However, lessening the sweets that Pinkie consumes tonight might not be such a bad thing." Twilight sat back in her chair and looked Pinkie in the eye. “It might not do anything, but we can try the…” Twilight was unable to finish her sentence as Pinkie bounced over the table and tackled Twilight in a hug. “Thank you thank you thank you, this is going to be super-duper-ice cream scooper-terrific!” Pinkie released Twilight and backed up a few steps and then sat back down onto her seat. Twilight shook her head and blinked to clear her head of the post tackle-hug stars floating around. She took two deep breaths and exhaled slowly. “We can try the spell. It might not do anything, so don’t feel bad if the spell fails.” Twilight sat up straight and then closed her eyes. A magical glow started to form around Twilight’s horn and slowly grew brighter. “Aid us in our cooking quest...help us find the sweetest,” Twilight began chanting but then suddenly was unable to avoid a loud cocoa-fueled hiccup. “...chef.” The glow around Twilight’s horn swiftly became too bright to look at as it started to make the zapping sound of many small static electricity discharges. Suddenly, there was a bright flash and a final surge of energy that pushed both Twilight and Pinkie into the backs of their seats. “Ow, my head!” said Twilight as she rubbed her forehead. Pinkie looked at Twilight with a concerned look on her face. “Twilight, are you ok?” Twilight opened her eyes and looked up at her horn. “I think so, but I think I might have a headache for a little bit. Whatever happened, it looks like the spell is over. I’m sorry, Pinkie, but I don’t think…” Pinkie and Twilight both raised an ear towards the wall. “Feendis vurr beh hurdegyoo, de whah de hay?” Steps followed the odd exclamation and went towards the door. “Um, Twilight,” said Pinkie, “that doesn’t sound like a pony walking...it sounds more like Discord when he is walking on two legs.” “Yes, that does sound bipedal,” answered Twilight. “Twilight, silly, it sounds like he is walking...not riding a bike.” “Pinkie, bipedal means...ugh, nevermind.” Twilight said and then turned her head towards the door of Sugar Cube Corner. The steps had nearly approached the door, and she wanted to see who would walk through. The door opened. A strange creature walked through the door. He was walking on two legs, dressed as a chef, and was carrying a pot in his hands that contained various cooking implements. He had a mustache that Spike would be envious of, and bushy eyebrows that concealed his eyes. “Lerrleh yool….whoah!” he said as he started to step into the bakery and promptly slipped on some ice that had gathered right below the shop’s doorstep. Twilight quickly caught their guest and his cooking tools using her levitation. She slowly set him down onto the floor and levitated his utensils to a position that was easy for him to collect. Turning her head, Twilight looked at Pinkie. “You may want to take care of that icy patch...somepony, or someone, could get hurt on that.” Pinkie nodded at Twilight and then walked over to her guest. “Are you the sweetest chef?” “Esf de vern du questigoon, guud guud. Swedish Chef, yah,” answered the Chef. Pinkie’s face lit up in a glowing smile. “Sweetish?” The Chef waved a stirring spoon and said, “Yah, yah, Swedish Chef.” Pinkie began jumping around the Chef in a circle. “Oh my goodness Twilight, your spell worked!” “Um, Pinkie,” said Twilight as she watched Pinkie jumping around the Chef, “I don’t think that he said sweetish...it sounded like he said Swedish or something.” Twilight scratched the side of her face and tried to take in what was happening. “I’m not even sure what language he is speaking. There are parts that are similar to our words, but I don’t recognize the other parts.” She watched Pinkie as she began conversing with the Chef. "How do they understand each other?" Twilight said to herself. She tried, but could not quite understand what the Chef was saying. “Oh, totally, Chef! Let’s head back to the kitchen and get started!” said Pinkie as she led the Chef behind the counter. Author's Note This is a work of fanfiction (unofficial stories that lovingly borrow characters/settings, written by a fan of the show) - please do not confuse this with the the show. This story takes place in a somewhat alternate universe. I do not own the characters or setting of the FIM universe - they belong to Hasbro. Please support them by purchasing their products (collectibles, videos, toys, etc.) - they are available at many physical stores as well as online. I do not own the character Swedish Chef - he belongs to The Muppets Studio, which is owned by Disney. The Swedish Chef does not speak Swedish (nor do I)...it is just gibberish intended to be funny. The Swedish Chef is one of my favorite Muppet characters. Chapters after this one may be shorter or longer...they will mainly be about various cooking mishaps. Chapter 2Chapter 2 - Chocolate Bombe Pinkie Pie followed the Chef behind the counter, bouncing up and down as she went. She watched as he put his equipment onto a table, setting everything out so that it was easily reached. The Chef grabbed two wooden spoons and faced the counter, facing towards the tables where Twilight was sitting. Taking a deep breath as he raised his wooden spoons in front of himself, the Chef began bouncing as music filled the air. He bounced twice in time to the beat of the music, and then stepped to the side and bounced two more times to the beat. As Pinkie watched what was happening, a grin appeared on her mouth, slowly growing into a great big smile as she also began bouncing to the beat in excitement. A quiet "hee hee hee" escaped her mouth as the Chef began to sing. "Yern gor shpeere, der yoon deritt degoo. Zee gor shpeere derr mittze goo, Bork Bork Bork!" As he sang the final three words, he smacked the wooden spoons together to the beat and threw the spoons behind him. The wooden spoons flew through the air in an arc and crashed against the cupboards in the back of the room with loud bang. "Pinkie, be careful!" Twilight shouted as she saw the spoons become projectiles. "Shh, it's ok," Pinkie said as she giggled at the Chef's antics. "Gyoonde shpeere, deheare veborn, de Chocolate Bombe!" Reaching down behind the counter, the Chef pulled out a metal bowl and put it onto the counter. "Chilliwilli bowl der cookee." Right on cue, Pinkie joined in with the cooking demonstration. "Wow, that bowl is sure cold! What are we going to put into it? Let's see..." she opened a door underneath the counter. "Fruit cake...no....last week's lasagna...no...ah ha! Here it is...ice cream!" Pinkie stood up on her back legs and put the ice cream container onto the counter. A bell rang from across the room. Both Pinkie and Twilight looked over towards the door to see a white unicorn enter. Both Pinkie and Twilight said "Hi, Rarity" with different levels of enthusiasm. Twilight responded with a cheerful tone, while Pinkie nearly yelled with manic glee as she waved her hoof in greeting. Rarity looked first at Twilight before looking over at the counter and then back at Twilight again. "Hello, darlings," she said with a nervous smile. "Have I missed something? I didn't realize that Pinkie Pie had a...guest..." Twilight gave Rarity a sheepish smile. "Eh heh, heh heh, about that...I cast a spell on a whim and something didn't go quite right. Somehow I summoned our guest, but I have no clue as to who he is or where he came from." Twilight paused as she looked over at Pinkie and the Chef, who continued their cooking "demonstration" as they talked to the nearly empty room and prepared their dish. Looking back at Rarity, she continued. "He appears to be some kind of cook or a chef." "I see," said Rarity as she looked at the pair behind the counter. "Und poot zee bowl in zee chilliwilli freezie!" The chef said as he put the metal bowl into the freezer with a flourish. "Masterfully done, Chef!" Exclaimed Pinkie as she jumped up and down with great enthusiasm. Rarity looked over at Twilight. "Twilight, darling," said Rarity, "do you know what he is saying?" Twilight lifted her front right hoof and scratched the side of her muzzle. "I'm not really sure. Sometimes it sounds as if he is using our words, and other times he isn't. I can't figure it out...but somehow Pinkie seems to somewhat understand him." Over at the counter, Pinkie clopped her front hooves together. "And now,” she said, “we let it cool for a few hours. Chef, go ahead and pull out the one we made earlier and we will show our audience what it looks like when it is done." Twilight's face became the proud owner of a very confused expression. "Um, Pinkie...he just got here a few minutes ago..." The Chef nodded at Pinkie and pulled a second metal bowl out of the freezer. "Okidoki!" he exclaimed, and with a flourish he flipped the bowl over onto a plate and pulled the bowl away to leave behind a frozen treat. The Chef then picked up the plate and walked around the counter, and then continued walking over towards the table shared by Twilight and Rarity. Pinkie grabbed a jar of sweet cherries and bounced after the Chef. She watched as the Chef placed the plate onto the table between Twilight and Rarity, and then she opened the jar of cherries a put one on top of the frozen treat. "Oh, my, that looks delicious," said Rarity as she looked at the frozen treat. "Yum yum, der Chocolate Bombe. Is verdy guud, guud guud!" Said the Chef as he rubbed his hands together. "Chocolate Bombe," gasped Rarity as her eyes grew wide, "I have heard of this and I’ve always wanted to try it. It is supposed to be simply devine!" Rarity leaned closer to the dish and grasped the cherry stem in her telekinesis. She slowly started pulling it and the the stem pulled out of the cherry. Slowly at first, and then gaining speed, smoke started billowing out from the dessert. The Chef's eyebrows raised and his mouth opened in an expression of surprise. Waving his hands in front of him, he began running back and forth in front of the table yelling "Ooooowaaaaahhh!" Suddenly, a whistle came from the dessert and the a loud BOOM accompanied an explosion that filled the room with smoke. Coughing, Twilight used her magic to open a few windows and the door. Once the smoke had dissipated enough to allow her to see, Twilight looked around the dining area. "Oh...dear...that's a lot of chocolate." Nearly everything had been covered in gooey chocolate, some things more than others. Rarity, unfortunately, was closest to the chocolatexplosion. She was completely covered in chocolate, and on the chocolate-covered ceiling there was a unicorn-shaped space that had no chocolate on it. Pinkie Pie blinked twice and then reached a hoof up to wipe chocolate off of Rarity’s face, paused, and then licked her hoof. “Mmm, that’s pretty good!” Twilight looked at Rarity and noticed a twitching eyelid. “Okay, time for a commercial-strength cleaning spell.” Twilight closed her eyes in deep concentration and then her horn lit up. The room filled with a soft glow as the chocolate gently pulled away from everything that it had become attached to, and slowly floated towards the center of the room. Twilight’s eyebrow raised as her mouth opened in confusion when she saw that the chocolate pulled together to form a cube that was twice the size of an average pony. Blinking twice, she banished the chocolate as she said to herself, “I probably shouldn’t even try to figure that out…” Author's Note A bombe is a French dessert that combines various ice creams, sherbets, or ices in a frozen mold. Chapter 3Chapter 3 - Al Corn Pone “Bork Bork Bork!” sang the Chef and Pinkie as they finished singing and threw their wooden spoons over their shoulders. "I'm feeling hungry for something made out of cornmeal, Chef. How about you...do you like corn pone?" grinned Pinkie Pie as she looked at the Chef. The Chef looked over at Pinkie, and then rubbed his hands together as a smile grew on his face. “Mmmmm, yum yum zee bread du kern is gud, gud gud, ya!” He clapped his hands twice, then reached to the side of the counter and grabbed a medium-sized mixing bowl. He spun it around and then set it in front of Pinkie Pie. “Thanks a lot, Chef!” said Pinkie as she grinned and clopped her front hooves. “Now, first, we add the cornmeal…” Pinkie reached under the counter and pulled out a bag of cornmeal. “Hmm, don’t get many chances to use this when making cakes and sweets. Good thing we can get this used up before it expires!” As she sat at her table, Twilight watched the scene unfold and scratched her head. But... why would they have cornmeal in the bakery? I don’t think they make anything that contains cornmeal in Sugar Cube Corner, thought Twilight to herself. Then again, sometimes it’s best not to think too hard about what Pinkie Pie is doing. Twilight shrugged and sat back in her chair and continued watching. Standing up on two legs, Pinkie Pie began adding ingredients to the bowl. She looked over at the Chef and smiled. “Hey, Chef, could you reach over and get one of the mixing spoons for me?” Shaking his head with enthusiasm, the Chef rubbed his hands together. “Ya, ya, spoon ya!” He reached over to the side of the counter and grabbed a large mixing spoon and with a flourish presented it to Pinkie. “Spoooooon!” he said dramatically and gave the spoon to Pinkie. Pinkie Pie began to giggle and the Chef’s antics. “Heeheehee, thanks Chef!” Pinkie began mixing the thick batter and looked up to see that Twilight was also chuckling over at her table. The Chef watched the thickness and texture of the batter closely as Pinkie Pie stirred. He nodded, and then reached under the counter. Swiftly, he pulled out a cast iron skillet and carefully placed it onto the counter next to the mixing bowl. “Thanks Chef, you read my mind!” said Pinkie. “Cast iron skillets are great for baking corn pone!” She began slowly pouring the batter into the skillet, and then looked over the counter to where Twilight was sitting. “Corn pone and cornbread are similar, but different. Corn pone also has some interesting history to it, doesn’t it?” “Yah, yah, zee corn pone bakee in zee hissz toori,” said the Chef as he began retelling the story of one of the possible origins of corn pone. Twilight watched the Chef as he enthusiastically shared the story, moving his hands an gesturing to add dramatic emphasis to the story. Pinkie Pie put the skillet into the oven and then watched the Chef as he continued telling the story. Every few minutes PInkie would nod in agreement. I’ll have to get PInkie Pie to tell me the story later, thought Twilight. She watched as the Chef finished talking and nodded his head. “And that’s the story of corn pone!” said Pinkie as she clopped her front hooves. “Ok, now let’s check on the oven. It should be done right about…” she paused and then pointed at the oven. “Now!” she said as the timer’s bell rang. She opened the oven and pulled out the skillet, and then placed it onto a cooling pad on the counter that the Chef had thoughtfully placed for her. She opened a drawer and pulled out a small knife and placed it onto the counter. “Normally we want to let this cool for a few minutes, but I love it when it is hot out of the oven. The butter melts all over it and it is so good!” She started to cut the corn pone, but stopped immediately with a surprised look and dropped the knife as she backed away from the counter. “Hey, you! What’s the big idea?” yelled a voice from behind the counter. The corn pone began to rise out of the pan and slowly its shape began to change. The shape standing in the skillet slowly formed into a pony-shaped corn pone. It turned its head to face PInkie Pie and then stepped out of the skillet. Pinkie Pie gasped as it continued walking towards her and then the corn pone stopped. It quickly grabbed the knife on the counter and alternated between pointing it and Pinkie and the Chef. “Now look here, see? Nopony messes with Al Corn Pone and gets away with it. But today, I’m feeling generous, see? So, here’s what we’re gonna do.” Al Corn Pone took two more steps towards Pinkie and the Chef. “One, you two are gonna scram. Two, I’m gonna help myself to what you’ve got behind the counter here. Got it?” Pinkie Pie and the Chef nodded as they slowly backed further away from the counter. Walking backwards so they could keep an eye on Al Corn Pone, they walked around the counter and over to sit beside Twilight. With a shocked and confused expression, Twilight looked over at Pinkie Pie as she sat down at the table. “Are we seriously in the middle of a robbery by something you just baked?” With an anguished expression on her face, PInkie PIe nodded, and then began wailing. “Yes, it’s tru-u-u-ue. This is worse than then Baked Bads...now we’ve made Baked Bad Guys!” Pinkie Pie hugged Twilight, and the Chef patted Pinkie’s back. Loud banging noises continued to come from behind the counter, until finally there was a yell followed by the sound of a drawer opening. “Now, that’s more like it!” Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and the Chef looked towards the counter and watched as Al Corn Pone walked out into the sitting room of the bakery and proceeded to walk towards the door. He pulled a bag behind him that jingled with each step. Watching as the Baked Bad Guy arrived at the door, Twilight gave an exasperated groan. “Ok, this has gone far enough.” She lit her horn in preparation of a spell, but cancelled the spell as a loud bang filled the room. With a rush of cold air, Rainbow Dash flew into the bakery and landed in the middle of the room. Laughing loudly, she walked over to the table shared by Twilight, Pinkie, and the Chef. “Oh, man, did you guys see Rarity?” Noticing the Chef for the first time, Dash tilted her head. “Huh, so she really was telling the truth.” Turning her head at the sound of bits hitting the floor, Dash walked back over to the door and closed it. “Ooh, corn pone!” In a flash, Rainbow Dash dove forward like a hawk. Before anypony could say a single word, Dash had eaten all of the flattened corn pone on the wall. Dash licked her lips and smiled in satisfaction. “Wow, that was good! When you guys bake, you really bake!” She looked down and saw the half-filled bag of bits as well as the bits on the floor. “Um, Pinkie...you know there are better places for keeping your bits, right?” Author's Note Here's a recipe for corn pone (there are many variations, this is just one example). http://allrecipes.com/recipe/141882/southern-corn-pone-bread/ Al Capone was a famous criminal in the US during the Prohibition Era in the early 1900's Chapter 4Chapter 3 - Popcorn Rainbow Dash sat down beside Twilight at the table as Pinkie Pie and the Chef walked back over to their places behind the counter. Dash looked at Twilight and grinned. “So, they’ve been cooking this entire afternoon?” “Yes, they have,” said Twilight. “They’ve even been making quite a presentation of the recipes they’ve been cooking. But,” said Twilight as she shook her head, “the results of their cooking have been...unusual, to say the least.” Rainbow Dash tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “Unusual? How so? I mean, aren’t things normally unusual when Pinkie is involved?” Twilight sighed. “Yes, but this has been even stranger than usual. Take for example, the corn pone you just ate.” Dash smiled and nodded. “Yep, that was really good! Making it on the wall was unusual, but it tasted fine.” “Um, Dash, that corn pone almost robbed the bakery and nearly attacked Pinkie Pie with her own knife.” Twilight sighed. “You actually stopped the robbery when you opened the door.” Rainbow Dash’s eyes slowly widened as her mouth opened halfway. She quickly looked down at her stomach and then looked back at Twilight. She blinked twice and the corner of her mouth slightly raised. “Do you...think I should worry about getting sick?” “I don’t know...I don’t think so, but I really don’t know,” said Twilight. “Well,” said Dash, “I’ve heard that you can get sick by eating food that has gone bad.” Dash sat still for three seconds as she watched Twilight process what was said. Seeing Twilight’s eyebrows start to lower, Dash was unable to hold back her laughter. “What shall we make next?” asked Pinkie from over at the counter. “Corn Pone vin der badden, ya. Popcorn vernne de gud, ya ya,” said the Chef. Rainbow Dash leaned over towards Twilight. “Um, what is he saying?” she whispered. “I actually have no idea what he is saying,” whispered Twilight. “But somehow Pinkie understands him.” “Popcorn!” Pinkie yelled as she started bouncing. “What a great idea!” Rainbow Dash watched as Pinkie Pie and the Chef performed their song and dance routine. “Ok, this might be interesting,” she said as the wooden spoons flew in an arc behind Pinkie and the Chef. “I love popcorn,” Pinkie said to their audience in the bakery, “and make it any time I can. First, we need the very best and freshest corn.” She reached under the counter and pulled out an ear of freshly picked sweet corn. “Mmm-mmm! You can smell the freshness and sweetness in this ear,” she said as she removed the husk and silk from the corn. Once the corn was cleaned, she put it under her nose and breathed deeply. “Ah, yes...this was a very good year for growing corn in Ponyville.” Rainbow Dash looked out the window at the snow falling, and then to Twilight. “Um...how...” she started to ask, and then just shook her head to continue watching the show. Pinkie Pie pulled a baking pan closer to her on the counter and then placed the ear of corn onto it. “Heya Chef, could you toss me some salt?” “Ya, salt incommen!” said the Chef as he grabbed a large mallet and pounded the counter with it. The salt shaker flew up into the air and spun end over end in an arc above the baking pan, and then fell to the counter in front of Pinkie with a perfect landing. “Neato!” yelled Pinkie Pie. “Let me try that!” she yelled as she bounced excitedly. The Chef nodded and passed the mallet to Pinkie Pie, and then reached under the counter to get another ear of corn. He quickly prepared the ear of corn and placed it onto the pan for Pinkie. Grinning from ear to ear, Pinkie Pie grasped the mallet and swung it in an arc above her head to hit the counter. The salt shaker flew in an arc above the baking pan, spinning around to sprinkle salt onto the ear of corn, and then landed on the counter on the other side of the Chef. Pinkie Pie set the mallet down again under the counter. “Heeheehee! That was fun! Now, we just need to put the corn into the oven for fifteen minutes. Chef, would you do the honors?” The Chef nodded and picked up the baking pan. He twirled the pan in his hand as he opened the door, and then put the corn into the oven. “Corn in ze ooffee!” Pinkie Pie brushed her front hooves together to clean the excess salt from them. “And now, a word from our sponsors while we wait!” She leaned forward onto the counter and bounced her head to the rhythm of the music played by a marching band that started marching down the street in front of Sugar Cube Corner. She lifted a hoof to her ear and listened as somepony in the marching band loudly announced how wonderful their new scrubbing brushes were and how fast they would clean a kitchen. Pinkie smiled and nodded. “And now, we’re back!” Pinkie opened the oven door and removed the tray of corn. She carefully placed it on top of a cooling rack on the counter. She then looked over at the Chef and watched as he opened a drawer under the counter and pulled out an air hose. The Chef quickly stuck the end of the hose into an ear of corn and pressed a large button that mysteriously appeared on the counter. “Hee hee hee,” Pinkie giggled as she watched each of the kernels on the corn cob inflate to twice their size. The Chef removed the air hose from the corn cob and placed the hose onto the counter. Lifting the corn cob into the air with his right hand, he proudly announced “Pop Corn!” Slowly, he moved his left index finger towards a kernel on the corn cob. Immediately after poking the kernel, a very loud popping noise exploded from it. An unexplainable amount of wind blew came from the popped kernel and knocked the Chef’s hat off of his head towards the back of the kitchen. “Oooh! Let me try!” yelled Pinkie as she reached for the air hose and another corn cob. Once it was properly inflated to the recommended PSI, she reached under the counter and put a chef hat onto her head. She quickly popped one of the kernels and giggle-snorted as her chef hat was also blown off of her head by the kernel popping. “Dashie, catch!” she yelled as she tossed the corn cob to Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash caught the corn cob, looked at it closely, and slowly grinned mischievously. “Thanks Pinkie!” she said as she tucked the cob under her left wing and walked towards the door of Sugar Cube Corner. She looked back towards her friends and said, “I’ll be back later...I just need to go see Scootaloo for a moment.” She then chuckled and exited the bakery.
Chapter 1Chapter 1 The week before Hearth’s Warming was a very busy time of year for everypony. The day before Hearth’s Warming was the most busy day of the week. Some ponies were getting some last-minute practice for a Hearth’s Warming performance. Other ponies were putting the finishing touches on the decorations around town. Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie...sipped hot cocoa. “So, Twilight,” Pinkie said as she lifted her cup and took a sip of her hot cocoa, “did you have any plans for the evening now that you’ve finished your Hearth’s Warming preparations?” Pinkie took another sip of cocoa and smiled as she cradled her cup in her hooves. Twilight levitated her cup using her magic and took a sip. “Well, I’ll probably head back to the library and read some stories with Spike.” Twilight took another sip of cocoa and put her cup back down onto the table. “How about you, Pinkie? Any plans for the evening?” Pinkie Pie enthusiastically nodded in response. “Yepperooni! I’m going to visit the bakeries in town, buy some Hearth’s Warming sweets, and come back here to Sugar Cube Corner!” Pinkie took another sip of cocoa, and then put her empty cup onto the table. “And then I’m going to bake some cookies!” Twilight raised an eyebrow as she finished her cocoa. “I’m afraid to ask, but why are you gathering so many goodies tonight?” Pinkie began rubbing her front hooves together as a large grin appeared on her face. “This year I’m going to find out who the sweetest chef is in Ponyville! I have my suspicions, but tonight I’m going to find out for sure!” Twilight watched Pinkie bouncing energetically in her chair, and couldn’t decide whether it was from the cocoa or Pinkie just being Pinkie. For all she knew it could be either, or even a combination. She decided to table that mystery for the moment as Pinkie gasped and reached across the table to pull Twilight’s face towards herself until Twilight was mere inches away from Pinkie’s muzzle. “Twilight, you have magic!” Pinkie said excitedly as she gazed into Twilight’s eyes. “Um….yes?” answered Twilight as she blinked in confusion and tried to pull away from Pinkie’s grasp. “Twilight, you can help me find out who the sweetest chef is in Ponyville with magic! If you cast a spell, we can find out right away without having to sample everypony’s cooking!” Twilight pulled back and escaped the clutches of two surprisingly strong hooves. Lifting one of her own hooves, the began to tap her muzzle and furrowed her brows. “Well, I’m not so sure about divination magic...I don’t think there is a spell that can tell us this.” Twilight stopped tapping her muzzle and held her hoof still. Very quietly Twilight mumbled to herself as she watched Pinkie as she bounced in her seat, "However, lessening the sweets that Pinkie consumes tonight might not be such a bad thing." Twilight sat back in her chair and looked Pinkie in the eye. “It might not do anything, but we can try the…” Twilight was unable to finish her sentence as Pinkie bounced over the table and tackled Twilight in a hug. “Thank you thank you thank you, this is going to be super-duper-ice cream scooper-terrific!” Pinkie released Twilight and backed up a few steps and then sat back down onto her seat. Twilight shook her head and blinked to clear her head of the post tackle-hug stars floating around. She took two deep breaths and exhaled slowly. “We can try the spell. It might not do anything, so don’t feel bad if the spell fails.” Twilight sat up straight and then closed her eyes. A magical glow started to form around Twilight’s horn and slowly grew brighter. “Aid us in our cooking quest...help us find the sweetest,” Twilight began chanting but then suddenly was unable to avoid a loud cocoa-fueled hiccup. “...chef.” The glow around Twilight’s horn swiftly became too bright to look at as it started to make the zapping sound of many small static electricity discharges. Suddenly, there was a bright flash and a final surge of energy that pushed both Twilight and Pinkie into the backs of their seats. “Ow, my head!” said Twilight as she rubbed her forehead. Pinkie looked at Twilight with a concerned look on her face. “Twilight, are you ok?” Twilight opened her eyes and looked up at her horn. “I think so, but I think I might have a headache for a little bit. Whatever happened, it looks like the spell is over. I’m sorry, Pinkie, but I don’t think…” Pinkie and Twilight both raised an ear towards the wall. “Feendis vurr beh hurdegyoo, de whah de hay?” Steps followed the odd exclamation and went towards the door. “Um, Twilight,” said Pinkie, “that doesn’t sound like a pony walking...it sounds more like Discord when he is walking on two legs.” “Yes, that does sound bipedal,” answered Twilight. “Twilight, silly, it sounds like he is walking...not riding a bike.” “Pinkie, bipedal means...ugh, nevermind.” Twilight said and then turned her head towards the door of Sugar Cube Corner. The steps had nearly approached the door, and she wanted to see who would walk through. The door opened. A strange creature walked through the door. He was walking on two legs, dressed as a chef, and was carrying a pot in his hands that contained various cooking implements. He had a mustache that Spike would be envious of, and bushy eyebrows that concealed his eyes. “Lerrleh yool….whoah!” he said as he started to step into the bakery and promptly slipped on some ice that had gathered right below the shop’s doorstep. Twilight quickly caught their guest and his cooking tools using her levitation. She slowly set him down onto the floor and levitated his utensils to a position that was easy for him to collect. Turning her head, Twilight looked at Pinkie. “You may want to take care of that icy patch...somepony, or someone, could get hurt on that.” Pinkie nodded at Twilight and then walked over to her guest. “Are you the sweetest chef?” “Esf de vern du questigoon, guud guud. Swedish Chef, yah,” answered the Chef. Pinkie’s face lit up in a glowing smile. “Sweetish?” The Chef waved a stirring spoon and said, “Yah, yah, Swedish Chef.” Pinkie began jumping around the Chef in a circle. “Oh my goodness Twilight, your spell worked!” “Um, Pinkie,” said Twilight as she watched Pinkie jumping around the Chef, “I don’t think that he said sweetish...it sounded like he said Swedish or something.” Twilight scratched the side of her face and tried to take in what was happening. “I’m not even sure what language he is speaking. There are parts that are similar to our words, but I don’t recognize the other parts.” She watched Pinkie as she began conversing with the Chef. "How do they understand each other?" Twilight said to herself. She tried, but could not quite understand what the Chef was saying. “Oh, totally, Chef! Let’s head back to the kitchen and get started!” said Pinkie as she led the Chef behind the counter. Author's Note This is a work of fanfiction (unofficial stories that lovingly borrow characters/settings, written by a fan of the show) - please do not confuse this with the the show. This story takes place in a somewhat alternate universe. I do not own the characters or setting of the FIM universe - they belong to Hasbro. Please support them by purchasing their products (collectibles, videos, toys, etc.) - they are available at many physical stores as well as online. I do not own the character Swedish Chef - he belongs to The Muppets Studio, which is owned by Disney. The Swedish Chef does not speak Swedish (nor do I)...it is just gibberish intended to be funny. The Swedish Chef is one of my favorite Muppet characters. Chapters after this one may be shorter or longer...they will mainly be about various cooking mishaps.
Chapter 2Chapter 2 - Chocolate Bombe Pinkie Pie followed the Chef behind the counter, bouncing up and down as she went. She watched as he put his equipment onto a table, setting everything out so that it was easily reached. The Chef grabbed two wooden spoons and faced the counter, facing towards the tables where Twilight was sitting. Taking a deep breath as he raised his wooden spoons in front of himself, the Chef began bouncing as music filled the air. He bounced twice in time to the beat of the music, and then stepped to the side and bounced two more times to the beat. As Pinkie watched what was happening, a grin appeared on her mouth, slowly growing into a great big smile as she also began bouncing to the beat in excitement. A quiet "hee hee hee" escaped her mouth as the Chef began to sing. "Yern gor shpeere, der yoon deritt degoo. Zee gor shpeere derr mittze goo, Bork Bork Bork!" As he sang the final three words, he smacked the wooden spoons together to the beat and threw the spoons behind him. The wooden spoons flew through the air in an arc and crashed against the cupboards in the back of the room with loud bang. "Pinkie, be careful!" Twilight shouted as she saw the spoons become projectiles. "Shh, it's ok," Pinkie said as she giggled at the Chef's antics. "Gyoonde shpeere, deheare veborn, de Chocolate Bombe!" Reaching down behind the counter, the Chef pulled out a metal bowl and put it onto the counter. "Chilliwilli bowl der cookee." Right on cue, Pinkie joined in with the cooking demonstration. "Wow, that bowl is sure cold! What are we going to put into it? Let's see..." she opened a door underneath the counter. "Fruit cake...no....last week's lasagna...no...ah ha! Here it is...ice cream!" Pinkie stood up on her back legs and put the ice cream container onto the counter. A bell rang from across the room. Both Pinkie and Twilight looked over towards the door to see a white unicorn enter. Both Pinkie and Twilight said "Hi, Rarity" with different levels of enthusiasm. Twilight responded with a cheerful tone, while Pinkie nearly yelled with manic glee as she waved her hoof in greeting. Rarity looked first at Twilight before looking over at the counter and then back at Twilight again. "Hello, darlings," she said with a nervous smile. "Have I missed something? I didn't realize that Pinkie Pie had a...guest..." Twilight gave Rarity a sheepish smile. "Eh heh, heh heh, about that...I cast a spell on a whim and something didn't go quite right. Somehow I summoned our guest, but I have no clue as to who he is or where he came from." Twilight paused as she looked over at Pinkie and the Chef, who continued their cooking "demonstration" as they talked to the nearly empty room and prepared their dish. Looking back at Rarity, she continued. "He appears to be some kind of cook or a chef." "I see," said Rarity as she looked at the pair behind the counter. "Und poot zee bowl in zee chilliwilli freezie!" The chef said as he put the metal bowl into the freezer with a flourish. "Masterfully done, Chef!" Exclaimed Pinkie as she jumped up and down with great enthusiasm. Rarity looked over at Twilight. "Twilight, darling," said Rarity, "do you know what he is saying?" Twilight lifted her front right hoof and scratched the side of her muzzle. "I'm not really sure. Sometimes it sounds as if he is using our words, and other times he isn't. I can't figure it out...but somehow Pinkie seems to somewhat understand him." Over at the counter, Pinkie clopped her front hooves together. "And now,” she said, “we let it cool for a few hours. Chef, go ahead and pull out the one we made earlier and we will show our audience what it looks like when it is done." Twilight's face became the proud owner of a very confused expression. "Um, Pinkie...he just got here a few minutes ago..." The Chef nodded at Pinkie and pulled a second metal bowl out of the freezer. "Okidoki!" he exclaimed, and with a flourish he flipped the bowl over onto a plate and pulled the bowl away to leave behind a frozen treat. The Chef then picked up the plate and walked around the counter, and then continued walking over towards the table shared by Twilight and Rarity. Pinkie grabbed a jar of sweet cherries and bounced after the Chef. She watched as the Chef placed the plate onto the table between Twilight and Rarity, and then she opened the jar of cherries a put one on top of the frozen treat. "Oh, my, that looks delicious," said Rarity as she looked at the frozen treat. "Yum yum, der Chocolate Bombe. Is verdy guud, guud guud!" Said the Chef as he rubbed his hands together. "Chocolate Bombe," gasped Rarity as her eyes grew wide, "I have heard of this and I’ve always wanted to try it. It is supposed to be simply devine!" Rarity leaned closer to the dish and grasped the cherry stem in her telekinesis. She slowly started pulling it and the the stem pulled out of the cherry. Slowly at first, and then gaining speed, smoke started billowing out from the dessert. The Chef's eyebrows raised and his mouth opened in an expression of surprise. Waving his hands in front of him, he began running back and forth in front of the table yelling "Ooooowaaaaahhh!" Suddenly, a whistle came from the dessert and the a loud BOOM accompanied an explosion that filled the room with smoke. Coughing, Twilight used her magic to open a few windows and the door. Once the smoke had dissipated enough to allow her to see, Twilight looked around the dining area. "Oh...dear...that's a lot of chocolate." Nearly everything had been covered in gooey chocolate, some things more than others. Rarity, unfortunately, was closest to the chocolatexplosion. She was completely covered in chocolate, and on the chocolate-covered ceiling there was a unicorn-shaped space that had no chocolate on it. Pinkie Pie blinked twice and then reached a hoof up to wipe chocolate off of Rarity’s face, paused, and then licked her hoof. “Mmm, that’s pretty good!” Twilight looked at Rarity and noticed a twitching eyelid. “Okay, time for a commercial-strength cleaning spell.” Twilight closed her eyes in deep concentration and then her horn lit up. The room filled with a soft glow as the chocolate gently pulled away from everything that it had become attached to, and slowly floated towards the center of the room. Twilight’s eyebrow raised as her mouth opened in confusion when she saw that the chocolate pulled together to form a cube that was twice the size of an average pony. Blinking twice, she banished the chocolate as she said to herself, “I probably shouldn’t even try to figure that out…” Author's Note A bombe is a French dessert that combines various ice creams, sherbets, or ices in a frozen mold.
Chapter 3Chapter 3 - Al Corn Pone “Bork Bork Bork!” sang the Chef and Pinkie as they finished singing and threw their wooden spoons over their shoulders. "I'm feeling hungry for something made out of cornmeal, Chef. How about you...do you like corn pone?" grinned Pinkie Pie as she looked at the Chef. The Chef looked over at Pinkie, and then rubbed his hands together as a smile grew on his face. “Mmmmm, yum yum zee bread du kern is gud, gud gud, ya!” He clapped his hands twice, then reached to the side of the counter and grabbed a medium-sized mixing bowl. He spun it around and then set it in front of Pinkie Pie. “Thanks a lot, Chef!” said Pinkie as she grinned and clopped her front hooves. “Now, first, we add the cornmeal…” Pinkie reached under the counter and pulled out a bag of cornmeal. “Hmm, don’t get many chances to use this when making cakes and sweets. Good thing we can get this used up before it expires!” As she sat at her table, Twilight watched the scene unfold and scratched her head. But... why would they have cornmeal in the bakery? I don’t think they make anything that contains cornmeal in Sugar Cube Corner, thought Twilight to herself. Then again, sometimes it’s best not to think too hard about what Pinkie Pie is doing. Twilight shrugged and sat back in her chair and continued watching. Standing up on two legs, Pinkie Pie began adding ingredients to the bowl. She looked over at the Chef and smiled. “Hey, Chef, could you reach over and get one of the mixing spoons for me?” Shaking his head with enthusiasm, the Chef rubbed his hands together. “Ya, ya, spoon ya!” He reached over to the side of the counter and grabbed a large mixing spoon and with a flourish presented it to Pinkie. “Spoooooon!” he said dramatically and gave the spoon to Pinkie. Pinkie Pie began to giggle and the Chef’s antics. “Heeheehee, thanks Chef!” Pinkie began mixing the thick batter and looked up to see that Twilight was also chuckling over at her table. The Chef watched the thickness and texture of the batter closely as Pinkie Pie stirred. He nodded, and then reached under the counter. Swiftly, he pulled out a cast iron skillet and carefully placed it onto the counter next to the mixing bowl. “Thanks Chef, you read my mind!” said Pinkie. “Cast iron skillets are great for baking corn pone!” She began slowly pouring the batter into the skillet, and then looked over the counter to where Twilight was sitting. “Corn pone and cornbread are similar, but different. Corn pone also has some interesting history to it, doesn’t it?” “Yah, yah, zee corn pone bakee in zee hissz toori,” said the Chef as he began retelling the story of one of the possible origins of corn pone. Twilight watched the Chef as he enthusiastically shared the story, moving his hands an gesturing to add dramatic emphasis to the story. Pinkie Pie put the skillet into the oven and then watched the Chef as he continued telling the story. Every few minutes PInkie would nod in agreement. I’ll have to get PInkie Pie to tell me the story later, thought Twilight. She watched as the Chef finished talking and nodded his head. “And that’s the story of corn pone!” said Pinkie as she clopped her front hooves. “Ok, now let’s check on the oven. It should be done right about…” she paused and then pointed at the oven. “Now!” she said as the timer’s bell rang. She opened the oven and pulled out the skillet, and then placed it onto a cooling pad on the counter that the Chef had thoughtfully placed for her. She opened a drawer and pulled out a small knife and placed it onto the counter. “Normally we want to let this cool for a few minutes, but I love it when it is hot out of the oven. The butter melts all over it and it is so good!” She started to cut the corn pone, but stopped immediately with a surprised look and dropped the knife as she backed away from the counter. “Hey, you! What’s the big idea?” yelled a voice from behind the counter. The corn pone began to rise out of the pan and slowly its shape began to change. The shape standing in the skillet slowly formed into a pony-shaped corn pone. It turned its head to face PInkie Pie and then stepped out of the skillet. Pinkie Pie gasped as it continued walking towards her and then the corn pone stopped. It quickly grabbed the knife on the counter and alternated between pointing it and Pinkie and the Chef. “Now look here, see? Nopony messes with Al Corn Pone and gets away with it. But today, I’m feeling generous, see? So, here’s what we’re gonna do.” Al Corn Pone took two more steps towards Pinkie and the Chef. “One, you two are gonna scram. Two, I’m gonna help myself to what you’ve got behind the counter here. Got it?” Pinkie Pie and the Chef nodded as they slowly backed further away from the counter. Walking backwards so they could keep an eye on Al Corn Pone, they walked around the counter and over to sit beside Twilight. With a shocked and confused expression, Twilight looked over at Pinkie Pie as she sat down at the table. “Are we seriously in the middle of a robbery by something you just baked?” With an anguished expression on her face, PInkie PIe nodded, and then began wailing. “Yes, it’s tru-u-u-ue. This is worse than then Baked Bads...now we’ve made Baked Bad Guys!” Pinkie Pie hugged Twilight, and the Chef patted Pinkie’s back. Loud banging noises continued to come from behind the counter, until finally there was a yell followed by the sound of a drawer opening. “Now, that’s more like it!” Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and the Chef looked towards the counter and watched as Al Corn Pone walked out into the sitting room of the bakery and proceeded to walk towards the door. He pulled a bag behind him that jingled with each step. Watching as the Baked Bad Guy arrived at the door, Twilight gave an exasperated groan. “Ok, this has gone far enough.” She lit her horn in preparation of a spell, but cancelled the spell as a loud bang filled the room. With a rush of cold air, Rainbow Dash flew into the bakery and landed in the middle of the room. Laughing loudly, she walked over to the table shared by Twilight, Pinkie, and the Chef. “Oh, man, did you guys see Rarity?” Noticing the Chef for the first time, Dash tilted her head. “Huh, so she really was telling the truth.” Turning her head at the sound of bits hitting the floor, Dash walked back over to the door and closed it. “Ooh, corn pone!” In a flash, Rainbow Dash dove forward like a hawk. Before anypony could say a single word, Dash had eaten all of the flattened corn pone on the wall. Dash licked her lips and smiled in satisfaction. “Wow, that was good! When you guys bake, you really bake!” She looked down and saw the half-filled bag of bits as well as the bits on the floor. “Um, Pinkie...you know there are better places for keeping your bits, right?” Author's Note Here's a recipe for corn pone (there are many variations, this is just one example). http://allrecipes.com/recipe/141882/southern-corn-pone-bread/ Al Capone was a famous criminal in the US during the Prohibition Era in the early 1900's
Chapter 4Chapter 3 - Popcorn Rainbow Dash sat down beside Twilight at the table as Pinkie Pie and the Chef walked back over to their places behind the counter. Dash looked at Twilight and grinned. “So, they’ve been cooking this entire afternoon?” “Yes, they have,” said Twilight. “They’ve even been making quite a presentation of the recipes they’ve been cooking. But,” said Twilight as she shook her head, “the results of their cooking have been...unusual, to say the least.” Rainbow Dash tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “Unusual? How so? I mean, aren’t things normally unusual when Pinkie is involved?” Twilight sighed. “Yes, but this has been even stranger than usual. Take for example, the corn pone you just ate.” Dash smiled and nodded. “Yep, that was really good! Making it on the wall was unusual, but it tasted fine.” “Um, Dash, that corn pone almost robbed the bakery and nearly attacked Pinkie Pie with her own knife.” Twilight sighed. “You actually stopped the robbery when you opened the door.” Rainbow Dash’s eyes slowly widened as her mouth opened halfway. She quickly looked down at her stomach and then looked back at Twilight. She blinked twice and the corner of her mouth slightly raised. “Do you...think I should worry about getting sick?” “I don’t know...I don’t think so, but I really don’t know,” said Twilight. “Well,” said Dash, “I’ve heard that you can get sick by eating food that has gone bad.” Dash sat still for three seconds as she watched Twilight process what was said. Seeing Twilight’s eyebrows start to lower, Dash was unable to hold back her laughter. “What shall we make next?” asked Pinkie from over at the counter. “Corn Pone vin der badden, ya. Popcorn vernne de gud, ya ya,” said the Chef. Rainbow Dash leaned over towards Twilight. “Um, what is he saying?” she whispered. “I actually have no idea what he is saying,” whispered Twilight. “But somehow Pinkie understands him.” “Popcorn!” Pinkie yelled as she started bouncing. “What a great idea!” Rainbow Dash watched as Pinkie Pie and the Chef performed their song and dance routine. “Ok, this might be interesting,” she said as the wooden spoons flew in an arc behind Pinkie and the Chef. “I love popcorn,” Pinkie said to their audience in the bakery, “and make it any time I can. First, we need the very best and freshest corn.” She reached under the counter and pulled out an ear of freshly picked sweet corn. “Mmm-mmm! You can smell the freshness and sweetness in this ear,” she said as she removed the husk and silk from the corn. Once the corn was cleaned, she put it under her nose and breathed deeply. “Ah, yes...this was a very good year for growing corn in Ponyville.” Rainbow Dash looked out the window at the snow falling, and then to Twilight. “Um...how...” she started to ask, and then just shook her head to continue watching the show. Pinkie Pie pulled a baking pan closer to her on the counter and then placed the ear of corn onto it. “Heya Chef, could you toss me some salt?” “Ya, salt incommen!” said the Chef as he grabbed a large mallet and pounded the counter with it. The salt shaker flew up into the air and spun end over end in an arc above the baking pan, and then fell to the counter in front of Pinkie with a perfect landing. “Neato!” yelled Pinkie Pie. “Let me try that!” she yelled as she bounced excitedly. The Chef nodded and passed the mallet to Pinkie Pie, and then reached under the counter to get another ear of corn. He quickly prepared the ear of corn and placed it onto the pan for Pinkie. Grinning from ear to ear, Pinkie Pie grasped the mallet and swung it in an arc above her head to hit the counter. The salt shaker flew in an arc above the baking pan, spinning around to sprinkle salt onto the ear of corn, and then landed on the counter on the other side of the Chef. Pinkie Pie set the mallet down again under the counter. “Heeheehee! That was fun! Now, we just need to put the corn into the oven for fifteen minutes. Chef, would you do the honors?” The Chef nodded and picked up the baking pan. He twirled the pan in his hand as he opened the door, and then put the corn into the oven. “Corn in ze ooffee!” Pinkie Pie brushed her front hooves together to clean the excess salt from them. “And now, a word from our sponsors while we wait!” She leaned forward onto the counter and bounced her head to the rhythm of the music played by a marching band that started marching down the street in front of Sugar Cube Corner. She lifted a hoof to her ear and listened as somepony in the marching band loudly announced how wonderful their new scrubbing brushes were and how fast they would clean a kitchen. Pinkie smiled and nodded. “And now, we’re back!” Pinkie opened the oven door and removed the tray of corn. She carefully placed it on top of a cooling rack on the counter. She then looked over at the Chef and watched as he opened a drawer under the counter and pulled out an air hose. The Chef quickly stuck the end of the hose into an ear of corn and pressed a large button that mysteriously appeared on the counter. “Hee hee hee,” Pinkie giggled as she watched each of the kernels on the corn cob inflate to twice their size. The Chef removed the air hose from the corn cob and placed the hose onto the counter. Lifting the corn cob into the air with his right hand, he proudly announced “Pop Corn!” Slowly, he moved his left index finger towards a kernel on the corn cob. Immediately after poking the kernel, a very loud popping noise exploded from it. An unexplainable amount of wind blew came from the popped kernel and knocked the Chef’s hat off of his head towards the back of the kitchen. “Oooh! Let me try!” yelled Pinkie as she reached for the air hose and another corn cob. Once it was properly inflated to the recommended PSI, she reached under the counter and put a chef hat onto her head. She quickly popped one of the kernels and giggle-snorted as her chef hat was also blown off of her head by the kernel popping. “Dashie, catch!” she yelled as she tossed the corn cob to Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash caught the corn cob, looked at it closely, and slowly grinned mischievously. “Thanks Pinkie!” she said as she tucked the cob under her left wing and walked towards the door of Sugar Cube Corner. She looked back towards her friends and said, “I’ll be back later...I just need to go see Scootaloo for a moment.” She then chuckled and exited the bakery.
