The spider and the changeling
[Canterlot Palace, Canterlot: Queen Raven’s POV]
“We can’t wait to deliver that Son Of A Bitch’s punishment, it’s been a long time coming.”
Why can’t i shake the feeling that someone’s behind me?
“hmm… no one’s there, odd.”
Fangrin: “you do not belong here shapeshifter, i know what you do to the creatures here.”
“SHOW YOURSELF, COWARD!” *draws Ruvaak Fiit*
“why should i reveal myself, i’ve already met your kind, you hide in plain sight, feeding on helpless ponies, i already met another when i was young, it tried to feed off a little filly! so why should i listen to such a deceptive creature!?”
“you would do well to know that I am known to be a changeling, as are my hatchlings, I also thank you for ending my Dishonorable relative, living as monsters is no way to live at all.” *retracts helmet* “I am Raven Lunaris, The Queen of the Changelings, most of them, anyways.”
“I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE MONSTER! you’re coddling and helmet are no match for my heightened senses, i knew your stench before i knew your face! but on further inspection, the creature i met had your eyes, i know you have come here to spread your filth like that fool chrysalis” “I HOLD NO ALLEGIANCE TO THAT DISHONORABLE MONSTER AND I WOULD HAVE YOU WELL KNOW THAT THE RESIDENTS OF CANTERLOT KNOW OF OUR PRESENCE AND IDENTITIES!” “how do i know this isn’t one of your tricks, if i believe you, i would reveal myself on your blade, and maybe you deceive the princesses as well, maybe i’ll have the same enjoyment slaughtering you like i did that ‘dishonorable monster’, and after that, you’re hatchlings may make excellent ‘snacklings’” “DARE TOUCH MY HATCHLINGS AND THOU WILL KNOW PAIN BEYOND THINE COMPREHENSION MORTAL!” “and if i don’t kill you now, how do i know my children are free from your tyranny, the time for talk has ended!” *Fangrin drops down from the roof teeth bared and claws ready to strike* “i shall relish tearing you limb from disgusting limb!” “as shall I, nopony can threaten luna’s children and get away with it! *puts helmet back on* “FIGHT ME!” “WILL SOMEPONY TELL ME WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON!?!?!?”
“Luna? I am sorry if I bothered you, but i am about to remove this menace from our home forthwith, for he has threatened our hatchlings” “did you even try and calm him down?”
“there is no calming such an accusatory being” “princess luna!?” *Fangrin quickly retracts his claws and bows* “i apologise for the disturbance, i didn’t realise this creature was with you.” “we could hear thine shouting from across the palace, raven, does thou know thou are late to the Gelding of our once nephew?” *Fangrin immediately bares his teeth and claws with eyes glowing a bright red* “that bastard Blueblood is here!!?” (luna and raven answer simultaneously) “yes” “as Luna was saying, Blueblood is due to be gelded, in other words, have his balls chopped off, after committing an extreme act of dishonor and major crime, sexual assault of a mare, care to join us?”
“i would’ve suggested clawing his eyes out but your idea is much better, i was originally here to discuss my living arrangements and get my own home in ponyville, you get sick of seeing everfree forest after so long.” “I can help you with that later, but first, what is your name, stranger?”
“i am Fangrin Runespinner, and i apologise for my paranoid behaviour and threats towards your children.” “‘tis forgiven, THIS TIME, but threaten them again and you shall find a blade between those eyes of yours, Fangrin.” *I sheath Ruvaak Fiit and retract my helmet* “now, let us be off, Celestia can get quite annoyed when someone becomes too late.”wait… why does that name sound familiar?? “i’ll see you there first” *Fangrin quickly becomes invisible again* “last one there is a rotten cockatrice egg! heheheHAHAHA!” *teleports to dungeon* “good, you’re nice and ready for your punishment, worm. you’ll have to wait a bit, though, some ponies want to see this for themselves to make sure it’s done right.” * Fangrin decloaks behind Raven* “technically i’m an arachnotaur, and don’t worry i brought scissors” *a sharp smile grows across Fangrin’s face as he reveals the scissors.*
“Ah, good to see We didn’t miss the show” “oh, there you are, Luna, the show’s just about to start, and, Fangrin, I have a feeling we’ll become friends quickly, but i won’t need the scissors *draws Combat Knife* I brought my own tools, but i will be taking my sweet little time” *I show my sadistic grin* “w-wait, maybe we can talk this out, i have a lot of people depending on me being at-” *Fangrin immediately muffles blueblood* “silence with your lies!” “well said, Fangrin, i couldn’t have said it better myself, do you know any healing spells?” *again with a sharp toothed grin* “yes, it can regenerate entire limbs in mere seconds, but the process is quite painful in the affected area.” “sounds good, but we just need something to keep him conscious while we ‘proceed’.” “i do have an insomnia spell, rainbow dash asked me to use it on her for one of those night races, she couldn’t even get knocked out because of it.” “you wouldn’t happen to be in a relationship with twilight and her friends, would you?” “well if you were aware of me speaking about my children
in our ‘misunderstanding’ you could put two and two together, in fact i know blueblood from a conversation with rarity.” “well, I thought I had heard your name before, Celestia positively gushes on about her prized student’s friendship reports and other letters, well, it’s good to know that they have an honorable stallion-i mean-man protecting them and keeping them out of danger.” *whispering to self* i had her prized pupil gushing of something else, hehe.” “I heard that, you know..” *a red tint begins covering Fangrin’s embarrassed face* “one thing you want to know about me is, i have extremely good hearing and sight, if you don’t want me to hear something, keep it to thine mind.” by the gods, luna’s speech is really rubbing off on me. “noted, anyway weren’t we supposed to be cutting this asshole’s balls off?” “Ah, yes, I expect We’ll all enjoy his screams of pain..”
{5 hours later} “damn… can’t believe he can still scream” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!”
“SHUT UP DAMN YOU!!” “may i rip his throat out NOW!” “maybe next time, Fangrin, besides, i’ve almost finished cutting them off.” {a few cuts later} “there we go! seal his wound and take off the spell, we’re done here.” “well, his blood certainly isn’t blue” {one quick spell later} “but what should we do about the ‘aftermath’” *points to the pile of feces on the floor* “(luna) let him stay in his filth for the remainder of the evening, we shall have the guards wash the cell tomorrow.” “I agree.” “so, who’s up for some food, i know this neat hayburger joint near donut joe’s” “(luna) unfortunately, we have business to attend to, thank you for the offer, though.” “I kinda can’t eat normal food, sorry man, but i guess i’ll go with so we can discuss your living arrangements.” “of course, and don’t worry, i picked that place because of your… unique dietary needs”
{an hour later} “so.. this is the place?” *you see a hayburger joint similar to that of places such as ‘hooters’ with women in skimpy clothing and everything* “yep, so, what do you think?” “not what I expected, but i guess it’ll work, just let me get this armor off. *my armor packs itself up into a backpack form*” “fair, but there is some things i need to get clear for you, 1: the customers here are horny idiots” “that much I can smell.” “and that suit won’t help, 2: the female employees here, well, they’ll kind of go for you even if you didn’t have male genitalia, and don’t ask how i know, advanced smell remember?” “same here, by luna, i don’t think i’ll be able to smell any other emotions for a year after smelling the sheer amount of lust in there…” “yeah, but they make really good burgers, even if i can’t digest pony food, i still like the taste of it.” “well, anyways, do you have a job down in Ponyville yet?” “actually they’ve been paying me to guard the town for years now, monster attacks appear more often than pinkie pie’s surprise parties, come to think of it,i heard she held a party for a dark skinned queen, but she never mentioned you being a changeling” “(random customer) hey baby, how about i get you something to eat?” *I look at the man with my “unique” eyes* “you really wanna push your luck with me?” “don’t bother to reason with him, they serve alcoholic cider, i bet he can’t even tell you apart from a duck at this point” *for a rare moment, I laugh hysterically* “nice burn, Fangrin.” “yeah it would be funny, if i was joking, hey buddy, what do i look like?” “(customer) like a big chocolate licorice cake! :D” “damn! that must be some good shit to get THAT drunk off of!” “it’s also very cheap, only a bit per barrel!” “that explains it.” “the cider we get at the palace is straight from sweet apple acres, luna says the stuff is so good, that she INSISTS on paying double the price.” “yeah but the only reason it’s so cheap is because of these two idiots called flim and flam with their ‘super speedy cider squeezy 7000!’” “(another customer) wait it’s made with the WHAT!?” *everyone proceeds to spit out the cider and complain to the cashiers* “well, that explains that.” “i heard about those guys, trying to invent things nopony wanted even after we advanced to the space age.” “eh, people just believe that flim and flam make their cider with pony blood.” “while amusing that they think that, it’s not true *leans in and whispers* i personally believe they put a bit of drugs in it” *leans back into seat.* *Fangrin points to the now growing angry mob* “you wanna tell them that?” *proceeds to back up to the door* “oh tartarus no, i’m not dealing with that mess. C’mon, i’ll take you to my place, i’ve got a spare room you can stay in while we get your living arrangements in order” *you notice that i am immobile and silent for a whole 10 seconds* “not like that, you perv!” *still remains silent and unnervingly frozen* “would you rather stay in a forest with poison plants and creatures trying to kill you?” *you finally notice that the Fangrin you were speaking to was a cardboard cutout when it falls over, in the distance you hear a voice* “i learned that from pinkie pie” *i fly to catch up with fangrin, upside down* “did you really think that would fool me for long?” “ well did talk to it for a whole 30 seconds, and did you really think i would stay in there?” *he points to the restaurant, now on fire from torches.* “well, i’m not cleaning THAT mess up.” “anyways, follow me, i’ll get you a room set up for the night while we get your living arrangements in order.” “oh? *eyebrow wiggle* so i’m staying at your place, eh?” “you wanna get a power-foot kick to the balls, too?” “good luck, i haven’t had testicles in 8 years! all that’s left is this shape-shifting mass which, somehow sprays aphrodisiac gas?” “TMI, dude.” “don’t wanna know? then don’t bring it up.” “at least you don’t randomly lay eggs.” “i do make eggs though.” “well, we’re here!” *all we see is a small concrete entrance with a large titanium door* “oh, interesting decor, i guess?” “trust me it’s bigger on the inside and about 5 miles down.” “so an insect like creature living underground, seems normal, but i usually cover my cave up with this lovely looking hut, it even has free plumbing!” “yeah, well, it’s functional, the real appearance is underground, having an underground subway all the way to ponyville. ever wonder why there’s a large, somewhat-flat meadow near the everfree?” “i know that, i marked it with a red web a week back, what i don’t get is why a queen that doesn’t normally act like a succubus would need such large breasts?” “one, you need to stop prying about such things, and two, i need to feed the fresh-hatched, remember?” “last i remember breasts produce milk not love, i think you made them that big to impress a certain princess.” “you DO realize how little you know of changelings? changeling breasts produce a form of love ichor from said changeling’s love reserves that they have collected from feeding.” “ the only thing i heard was that you make liquid love and have ‘em that big so you’re more sexually appealing, you are a changeling, if you had them just for function why not just shapeshift them away afterwards?” “meh, i’ve gotten used to them over time, and i will not deny that changeling evolution has developed larger breasts and genitals” “ok, i can deal with large breasts but you do not have the right to say your dick’s bigger than mine!” “how do you even know I have one, pervert!?” “i mentioned it at the restaurant but you didn’t react, i said i can smell the high amount of testosterone on you, damn you need a shower.” “just please refrain from mentioning my ‘mixed’ gender in public, there would be a political uproar were that to get out” “fine, but mine’s still bigger.” “well, here’s your room for the night, but we should probably discuss you getting a home before you go to bed.” “oh, and think about banging me and i’ll chop your legs off.” “look, i ain’t no rapist, i know where your heart lies, so i am actually quite offended from your assumption.” “says the guy.. thing.. sleeping with six different mares, but thank you for the thought.” “HEY, for the record, it was all with consent, why do you think fluttershy raises the young’ns?” “well, i am sorry for offending you, i did not mean for it to hint at rape, for that was not my intention, anyways, you need a house, and I need to go kill something soon to let off my frustration… maybe a manticore this time..” “1: i was planning on setting up where the golden oak library used to be, 2: i have a manticore webbed up in my hut that you could kill.” “thank you, but no, i prefer the thrill of the hunt, also, what do you mean on setting up, a brand new tree-house, or a normal one?” “believe, me after tirek, there ain’t no tree left, i was thinking more along the lines of a proper spider nest, like a rock formation i could craft the home out of using my webbing.” “i’ll see what i can do, well, i guess since we were able to sort that out rather quickly, I can get you home tonight rather than tomorrow, follow me, i’ll take you to the subway tunnels.” “and by the way, those meadows I mentioned earlier, have a large tunnel opening under them, allowing royal guard troops to deploy much faster to ponyville.” “um, i think you’ll have to wait ‘til tomorrow, question, that suit you wore, was it durable in any way? i’m asking because, well, look down.” “it’s bulletproof up to a .45 caliber round,why?” “just… look down, i asked if it WAS durable *covers eyes* cus it ain’t there now.” “WHAT THE BUCK!?!?!” “well, i’m going to go change, why don’t you head off to bed? see you tomorrow” *I watch as Fangrin leaves the room* “well, now that THAT embarrassment is over, i’ll have to get a new undersuit, might as well put my armor back on while i’m at it.” *I put on a new undersuit and re-equip my armor* “ahh, MUCH better, well, might as well work on my prototypes.”