Split Ends

There was no need to panic.

Everything was perfectly fine, and there was no need to panic.

The spell that Twilight had cast on him had fused him and Cadence together at the waist. That was all. Everything was perfectly fine, and there was no need to panic.

There was every need to panic.

Shining thought himself to normally be a rather level-headed pony. It took a lot to shake him, which was probably part of the reason that he made such a good captain of the royal guard. His unflappable, steadfast personality had always served him well in his career and in his life. It had not, however, prepared him for this type of situation.

Shining's first panic-driven instinct was to pace nervously back and forth. Such a task, while out of character, would not have been an issue under normal circumstances. The current circumstances, however, had already proven to be rather abnormal. Shining found himself nearly stumbling as he tried to use Cadence's legs. They cooperated with him just fine, responding to the actions he was trying to take, but for good reason, he wasn't used to the difference in the way a mare's hips and legs moved. It didn't help that Cadence's legs were not as thick and muscular as his own; a fact that he was usually quite okay with. Walking was walking, though, and after a few little adjustments made, he was able to nervously pace with relative ease, although the way his hips swayed admittedly made it feel a bit odd.

Shining let out a frustrated sigh as he sat on the edge of the bed, noting how much different things felt down there as he did so. The more upset he got about the situation, the worse he felt about it. All things considered, he didn't have as much right to be upset as Cadence did. In fact, he wasn't even sure if Cadence could even feel anything at the moment. All that remained of her was her lower half, and he even seemed to have control of that. What had become of her? Was she even conscious? He wasn't sure which answer he would have preferred for that question. Would be rather lose conscious thought completely, or be a sentient rear end on another pony's body, subject to the whims of said pony with no input whatsoever? It wasn't exactly Hoofie's Choice, but it wasn't one he ever wanted to have to make.

Just as Shining was about to continue lamenting his wife's fate, he heard a loud screech from down the hall. This was followed by a clattering of hoofsteps, a sudden thud, and then some frantic scraping before the galloping sound resumed. Shining knew that screech instantly. He was intensely relieved that his wife was okay, but a little part of him had a feeling it knew why she was screeching like that. The slow realization of what Cadence's situation had to be wasn't enough to prepare him for what he saw when the bedroom door burst open. There was Cadence, even more panicked than he had been. His eyes drifted towards her rump, as they often did, but with far different intents and results. There, in place of her perfect rear end, was the large, muscular form of his own.

The two mismatched ponies stared at each other for an amount of time that felt like somewhere between forever and a little after that. The silence persisted until a bewildered Cadence flicked the blue tail that was attached to the bulky rump connected to her body. Shining wasn't sure why that triggered such a reaction, and had he the mental capacities at the time to consider the ramifications of his actions, he would have likely tried harder to stop said reaction for fear of earning himself a permanent spot in the guest bedroom. Either way, he quickly found himself overcome with laughter. His own sounds of merriment were enough to temporarily distract him from not only the problem he'd already been dealing with, but also the new problem arising in the form of his very angry wife. Cadence puffed her cheeks out, pouting like a small filly.

"Oh, I'm glad you find this so funny!" Cadence shouted. "Nice to see Mr. Pink Girly Butt can find the humor in this!" Shining took this opportunity to once again look back at his—or rather, Cadence's—rump. It did look quite ridiculous and out of place, that gorgeous pink rump that often occupied so much of his attention now attached to his thick frame. Her thin waist made it look like somepony had squeezed him in the middle like a tube of toothpaste, getting wider again at the hips. Suffice to say, it was not exactly the manly look that Shining usually strived for. He looked back at Cadence, figuring it was in both of their best interests for him to apologize ASAP. He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath to make sure to get any little scraps of laughter out of his system.

"I'm sorry, honey," Shining said, giving her a sincere apologetic smile. "You can laugh at me too, if it makes you feel better." He turned a bit, giving his wife a nice side view of her rear end ridiculously attached to him. Seeing that his wife was yet to laugh, he bit the bullet and gave that rump a little shake. This seemed to do the trick, as he heard the victorious sound of a snicker coming from Cadence's mouth. The snicker was followed by a gentle giggle, and Shining gave her a grin. "Feel better now?"

"Well...okay, it is a little funny," Cadence admitted, looking back at the hindquarters she had been forced to borrow. "But funny or not, we need to get your sister to fix this."

"Of course," Shining agreed. "We'll write her a letter and send it out tomorrow." He waited for Cadence to agree, only to be met with a look of shock. "What is it, honey?"

"Tomorrow?" Cadence asked incredulously. "You expect us to stay like this and wait for her to come to us?" Shining sighed lightly, putting a hoof on Cadence's shoulder to try and calm her back down.

"Cadence," Shining said softly. "Taking the train to Ponyville now would take forever. Then we'd have to hope Twilight is awake, and then we'd have to ride the train all the way back, because after what happened here I'm sure not expecting to be teleported back. And we both have work tomorrow, so we can't be staying out very late or staying the night there."

"Work!" Cadence exclaimed. "I can't have my meetings tomorrow looking like this!"

"So wear a dress, honey," Shining said. "At least you have that option. Just think about the problems I'm going to have with the royal guard tomorrow with a beautiful rump like this." As frustrated as Cadence was, she couldn't help a little smile at both the compliment and the idea of Shining having to do his job like that.

"Okay, you're right," Cadence admitted. "You go lay down and I'll write the letter to Twilight."

"Right," Shining responded. He sat back down on the bed and shifted to lie down. His thighs met, and he reflected for a few moments on how weirdly nice it felt having such soft, smooth hind legs rather than his usual muscular ones. He gently rubbed them against each other, silently reveling in the feeling.

"Enjoying yourself?" Cadence asked playfully. Shining blushed lightly, not having realized that she was watching him.

"You know how much I like your body," Shining said, an awkward grin crossing his face.

"I'm aware," Cadence replied as her quill worked across the scroll in front of her. "Please do take good care of it while we're forced into this trade."

"I always take good care of your body," Shining replied with a wink. "I hope you do the same with mine." He smiled to himself, giving his thighs another little rub together. It had been a little while since he'd come back at Cadence with a flirty little line like that.

"Oh, I will," Cadence replied with a grin. "I absolutely will." Shining liked this return to flirtatiousness. If there was one positive to come out of this whole rigamarole, it had to be that. Shortly after thinking this, he felt Cadence climb into bed with him. As he felt the rough cut of his own hind legs on Cadence's body brush against him, he was once again reminded of the fact that this was, in fact, a mess that needed fixing ASAP.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shining woke up the next morning to his alarm, hoping that the events of the previous night had been a dream. To his dismay, it only took a quick glance behind him to see the tip of Cadence's tail poking out from his side of the bed. He let out a soft sigh, then groaned as he pulled himself out of bed, careful not to disturb his wife. Cadence still had another hour before she needed to be awake, and she was typically not a happy camper when she was woken up early. Personality-wise, the beautiful princess of love was not quite as beautiful when disturbed from her slumber, although he would never tell her that.

Shining trudged his way to the bathroom. He stood in front of the toilet for a few moments before remembering that his current plumbing did not allow for relieving himself in such a position. Having to sit down to relieve himself was bizarre, but enough bizarre things had been happening that it was nearly to the point where something not being strange would be stranger than anything. At least he didn't have to worry about his aim being off.

Once that business was over, Shining began drawing his bath. He used to take showers, but Cadence had long since convinced him of the comfort and luxury of baths. He stepped in once it was drawn and began scrubbing himself down. He spent a few minutes scrubbing his waist, marveling at the difference in coat consistency where white met pink. He already knew how soft and smooth his wife's coat was, but feeling that difference on his own body was a unique experience. The experience wasn't as unique, though, as the experience of washing his privates. He had taken baths with Cadence before and often helped wash her, but having to wash those parts on himself felt utterly wrong. He had never really thought about how sensitive the flesh of a mare's teats was, but he certainly gained a new appreciation for it as his hoof brushed against them. He made sure to spend ample time massaging them, quietly enjoying the gentle and relaxing sensations. He would make sure to remember how nice this felt when he and Cadence had their own parts back.

Shining bit his lip as his hoof drifted downward towards Cadence's marehood. He had washed Cadence here before, but again the idea of washing a vagina that was attached to him was more than a little odd. Still, he had every intent of being thorough as he always was with his cleaning. His hoof slowly descended until it rubbed against his outer lips. He had expected a sudden burst of pleasure, but was met with just a gentle pleasing feeling, maybe just a bit more pleasing than when he'd rubbed his teats. Shining frowned slightly. He took pride in his ability to make Cadence feel good with a touch of the hoof, and yet he hadn't gotten the expected results. He gave the area another rub, tracing deliberately along his folds as he often did to arouse Cadence. This felt a bit better, but it wasn't until he applied a bit more pressure that things really began to flare up. Shining bit his lip as small waves of pleasure coursed through his body. He gave himself a bit of a harder rub to try and get more of that pleasure, and was not at all disappointed with the result. Forgetting his original goal of just getting clean, he closed his eyes and sank a bit deeper into the water until he felt the water meet the back of his mane. His hoof worked slowly and methodically, employing on himself the techniques he would always use to get Cadence off. He bit his lip, hind leg twitching slightly as he worked himself closer and closer, his breathing quickening. The tip of his hoof worked itself between his folds, gently spreading them open. This felt just fantastic, and he just couldn't get enough of his own touch.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened. Shining jerked up in the tub, eyes shooting open and hoof flying away from its favorite place and up to his chest. He stared as Cadence wandered into the bathroom, looking rather drowsy.

"Morning, honey," Cadence mumbled, only half-awake. "I was going to sleep longer but I really had to go to the bathroom."

Shining stared at his wife, slack-jawed, as she dragged herself towards the toilet. It wasn't uncommon for one to use the bathroom while the other was in the tub. They were both quite used to each others' bodies—although one could argue that they were getting more used to them now. If she had caught him doing what he was doing, though, he had a good feeling that he would never hear the end of it. Shining sighed and sank back into the water, closing his eyes. The crisis had been averted, but not without the flaw of having to leave himself hanging.

"Gah!"

Shining's eyes jolted open as he heard his wife's startled cry. He looked over to see Cadence sitting on the toilet, her face dripping wet. For the second time since last night, the humor of the situation overrode his natural desire to avoid angering his wife, and he let out a snicker.

"Good job, honey," Shining said.

"Shut up and get me a towel," Cadence practically growled.

~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Shining got home from his day at work, he'd had more than enough of what he was going through. He had already figured that work would be a pain, but hadn't quite anticipated just how bad it would get. He wanted so badly to put on a pair of pants, but as the head of the guard he had to adhere to the dress code. Even if he had been able to wear pants, his shapely rump would certainly have drawn attention anyway, but it would have been far better than going without like he had to.

His company had first reacted with utter shock, just like logic would have assumed had it expected something like this to happen. It took a little bit to explain the situation to them, which reduced the shock a tiny bit. The shock, however, was soon replaced by the emotions that Shining had expected to get from them. Their attention spans varied, some of them barely saying a word and some being even more eager to listen to orders. No matter how attentive they were, nearly every single one of them spent most of their time with their eyes glued to his rump. The mere idea of being ogled like so by his company was embarrassing and infuriating. He figured this had to be what it felt like to actually be a mare, having horny stallions staring intently at his rear end, and instantly gained a new respect for what mares had to go through. He didn't want to think about the thoughts that might have been going through their heads, but having been around crystal ponies for so long, he knew that they had a tendency to glow and glimmer a bit when they were particularly happy. As he strode past the ponies, he couldn't help but notice each one that he passed begin to glow just a bit more. He thanked the stars for Cadence's long tail as he walked, and made a mental note never to let his wife around the guard outside of official business unless he was nearby.

As frustrated as he was with the first set of guards, the second set of guards actually put him a little more at ease. That group had been working with Shining for years and felt comfortable enough with him to make jokes at his expense here and there, knowing he'd shrug it off and shoot jokes back at them. They really let him have it once the initial shock had passed. Strangely enough, the way they poked fun at him was more agreeable than the treatment he'd gotten from the first group. In trying to be more respectful, they'd made him feel more uncomfortable. The second group tended to make jokes about being attracted to Shining and each other on normal days, and Shining's new feminine rump certainly did its part to keep that going. In essence, they were treating him the same despite his altered appearance, and that brought him some solace. By the time his day was over, he was almost feeling okay about the situation. Unfortunately, it was about that time that he started receiving wolf whistles from passers-by as he was walking back to the palace. He was beyond done with this whole mess.

Cadence had only fared slightly better. Fortunately for her, she did have the option of wearing a dress, and made sure to take full advantage of it. Unfortunately, the dress raised its own questions. It was uncommon for Cadence to dress so formally for her royal business unless she was entertaining foreign dignitaries or attending a fancy party. The particular dress she had chosen didn't help matters either. She had needed a billowing dress to hide the shape of her borrowed bottom, so simple dresses were out. Many questions were raised as to why the princess had chosen to wear a tremendous ball gown to a meeting with the royal counsel, but most of those questions were raised in whispered voices when Cadence's attention was elsewhere. Only a select few noticed her oddly-altered sitting position and her rather different gait, but being as they really shouldn't have been paying such close attention to the way she sat and walked in the first place, nothing was said of it.

The only major mishap occurred near the middle of the day, and thankfully only one other pony was there to witness it. Cadence knew today was rather breezy and had been rather diligent most of the time about making sure her dress stayed down. It was during a chat with her closest advisor, Sparkle Scribe, that an errant gust of wind caught her with her guard down. She managed to light her horn up and quickly lower her dress, but not before Sparkle caught sight of a muscular white leg under it. Sparkle wisely chose to hurry Cadence off somewhere private before asking about it, and was appropriately shocked when she received the full explanation. For the rest of the day, Sparkle followed Cadence around, surreptitiously keeping her horn lit to make sure the dress did not reveal her again. Cadence made a mental note to add a bonus into her next paycheck after that.

The two talked about their days over dinner, but Shining opted not to mention how he'd come to enjoy the teasing from his second shift. As awkward as the topic of conversation was, the two found themselves talking quite a bit more than they had in the last couple of weeks. It was refreshing having such open conversation again after how short and subdued a lot of their talks had been recently. In its own odd way, the failed spell was helping them relate to each other. Shining's comments on how it felt to be stared at like a piece of meat and Cadence's laments about having to walk around carrying a piece of meat both hit home with the other and got them laughing. The laughing may have been at each other's expense, but laughter was laughter, and at least it was evenly distributed.

Once dinner was over, Shining quickly excused himself to the bathroom. Shining had spent a large portion of the day thinking about his bathtime fun that morning. It was a whole new type of pleasure, a pleasure that he wanted to experience again and actually finish. He knew that Cadence typically liked to write her letters to her friends after dinner, so the possibility of her interrupting his alone time was highly unlikely. Even so, he made sure to lock the door as he closed it. Better safe than sorry was what he always said, and seeing as they hadn't had any foals yet, that mantra seemed to be working out for him.

Shining ran the tub once more, figuring that he might as well get another relaxing bath out of it. He let out a happy sigh as he lowered himself into the water, taking a few moments to enjoy the comfort before moving on to even more enjoyable things. He felt quite naughty as his hoof began to drift downward. Even though the context behind the situation was far different, he was still enjoying Cadence's body without even her knowledge, let alone permission. This was a very unique circumstance, though. No court in Equestria would try him for it.

Shining began just like he had this morning, massaging his teats gently. He didn't keep at this for too long; his eagerness to get to the main event was palpable. He sank back into the water, letting his hoof slide down until it reached his marehood. He traced along his outer lips with the tip of his hoof, the pleasing feeling stronger than before now that he had spent the day looking forward to this. He pressed his hoof against his ladyparts, a soft, happy moan escaping his lips. Sinking into the water until only his face was poking out of it seemed like the optimal position to really enjoy himself to the fullest degree, so down he went, joyfully hoofing at himself the entire time. One hoof spread himself open and the other tried to work its tip inside, but as good as it felt, he was unable to really get as far as he'd have liked. He was determined to get off, though, and began running through ideas in his head. That was about the time that he caught sight of the showerhead.

Shining had heard many tales of mares using a showerhead for this very purpose. It hasn't made a whole lot of sense to him at first, but he figured that it was certainly worth a try. He lit his horn up, lifting the showerhead from its holster and lowering it down between his hind legs. He pushed the head up against his eager marehood, trying to remember what setting it had been left on. Even this light touch against his outer lips was nice, the metal of the showerhead having warmed up a bit from being submerged in the hot water. He took hold of the showerhead with his hooves, holding it in place as his magic turned the water back on.

As soon as Shining activated the showerhead, his eyes went wide. It was less common for himself and Cadence to take showers unless they were running short on time, and whoever had used it last had apparently left it set on the "jet" setting. The sudden intense blast of water between his nether lips was enough to make him cry out in a mix of pleasure and surprise. Even though this had its merits, it was a little more than he'd been planning on, so he quickly used his magic to switch to the "massage" setting. Now this was more like it. The various jets of water from multiple points were much better than the one intense jet, and Shining melted back down into the water, letting out soft moans as the showerhead did its job. He felt pangs of pleasure that he never imagined possible as his inner walls and his sweet spot were sprayed, and he began carefully shifting the showerhead around to try and find the best spot. It didn't take long to settle on a bit of positioning that maximized the pleasure, and he moaned happily as he worked himself with the streams of water. Little jolts of pleasure shot through his lower body, more pleasure than he'd ever felt with his own parts, or at the very least, more than he'd ever felt outside of sex with his wife.

Shining panted lewdly as the water continued to please him. The pleasure was beginning to cloud his mind so much, his concentration on his magic was beginning to wane. The pressure was beginning to build in his lower belly, and in his distraction he accidentally altered the setting of the showerhead again. Before he knew it, the "jet" setting was now blasting his clit at full power. This sudden assault was too much for the already-close Shining, and with a loud, somewhat-girlish cry, he experienced his first female orgasm. It felt like every single nerve ending down there had exploded in ecstasy as he rode out the powerful climax, hind legs twitching as he gasped and panted. His hooves lost their grip on the showerhead, and in a perfect world it would not have gone out of control and began spraying all over the place. This was not a perfect world, though, as much as Shining might have currently felt like it was. Whereas the bath setting saved him from having the mess of his orgasm to clean up, there would certainly be a different mess for him to take care of once he was conscious of it. For now, though, his mind was focused solely on the utterly amazing experience he'd just been through.

Shining let his whole body go limp as his climax passed. It was only the feeling of water by his nose and mouth that finally got him to sit up, and even that bit of effort felt like a lot to him. He often felt exhausted after his usual orgasms, but this was something else entirely. This was possibly the best thing he'd ever felt in his entire life. He took a soft breath and gathered his thoughts; thoughts which were quickly jumbled once more as the wildly-flailing showerhead hit him in the noggin. He didn't even care about the pain; the pleasure he'd just experienced was enough to outweigh it. He looked around the bathroom, finally catching sight of the mess that the showerhead had made. He decided that he'd take care of that...right after he laid here and relaxed for a bit. The knowledge that he was currently resting in his own juices passed through his head briefly, but he didn't care. He felt amazing, and that was all that mattered at the moment. As he laid back down, he thought about how screwed he would have been if Cadence had walked into the bathroom right then. As he thought this morning, there was no way that she would let him hear the end of it if she saw what he had been doing. Thankfully, the door was locked, and there was pretty much no chance that she would be anywhere near the bathroom at the moment.

Meanwhile, just outside the bathroom door, Cadence grinned to herself. She had forgotten her favorite quill in the other room, and without it she couldn't possibly write her letters to her friends. She'd happened to pass by the bathroom in time to hear one of Shining's earlier moans, and her ear had been pressed to the door the whole time. Her stallionhood twitched as she listened to the sounds of her husband and the showerhead, her mind piecing together exactly what must have been going on. She bit her lip as she thought about what he was almost certainly doing in there, her borrowed little buddy between her legs now standing at full mast. Clearly Shining was enjoying this new experience. Her kinky little mind got to work right then and there. As she tiptoed away from the bathroom door, she couldn't help an evil little grin. She'd been rather curious herself. Now, she had an opening—or rather, her husband did—and she planned on making the most of that opening.