Don't Trigger Purple Pony Princesses
All in all, the day had just been one disastrous moment after another. Ever since the Yaks from Yakyakastan had shown up, Twilight and her friends had tried to make them feel at home. While everything might not have been perfect, Twilight knew that Pinkie Pie had worked as hard as she possibly could, doing her best to make traditional yak dishes with recipes that were more than likely modified considering the two vastly different climates they lived in.
And while Twilight would have been more than understanding of their disappointment if she and the girls had actually made a mess of things, the yaks had constantly crossed the line time and time again by flipping tables and going on rampages at every little turn because things weren’t perfect ! Twilight friends would have to spend days fixing the messes the yaks left, and that wasn’t even taking into account the cost of the repairs. Crystal castles didn’t grow on trees!
…sort of…
But seeing them destroy Spike’s player piano simply because it played itself after they had complemented the music, and nearly squashing her baby brother in the process, Princess of Friendship or not, assigned to help bring their nations together by Princess Celestia or not, HAVING HER WHOLE LEGACY AS A PRETTY PONY PRINCESS PUT ON THE LINE BY THE VISIT FROM THESE OUTLANDISH OUTLANDERS OR NOT, Twilight Sparkle had reached her last nerve!
“WE DECLARE WAAAAAR!” The yak prince…well…declared in in Twilight’s face, blowing his angry spittle and proving that his breath was in fact worse than the rest of the odor coming off his body, allowing her flying blue friend to win their private bet that would have Twilight officially amending the Equestrian dictionary to include Rainbow Dash as one of the definitions of the word awesome.
And thus, the last nerve had been taken.
The final line had been crossed.
The straw came down to break the camel’s back, and brought an extra fifty pounds of hay with it.
Twilight’s eye twitched. “You…what?” she asked slowly. Her voice even, her mind just a little disbelieving. Even though everything had been done to trigger an outburst, Twilight Sparkle needed to double-check to make sure that when she snapped, it would be for good reason.
“Yaks declare war for this final insult!” the yak prince yelled at her again. “We will return to Yakyakastan, and then come back with great army to destroy puny country and enslave pathetic pretty ponies! Then make you all see how REAL Yakyakastan way is done!”
Okay…just had to make sure, Twilight thought to herself as she opened her mouth and spoke with a glare on her face. “You come here. You wreck my home, and I smile. You ruin Applejack’s barn, and we simply placate you. You terrify Fluttershy and her animals, and we forgive you. You destroy Rarity’s shop, and we just let it slide. You spit on my friend Rainbow’s hard work, and we apologize! And then you demolish Pinkie Pie’s bakery and send her running away from the town in a panic because she can’t please you, and we have to be understanding! Then when my baby brother tries to calm you down with a song, you smash his player piano and nearly hurt him! A CHILD!” she shouted as she gathered the magic in her horn. “And after all of that, after we choked down our anger, our pain, our pride, and held in our tears for the good of everyone, you have the…GALL to threaten my little ponies with slavery and death?”
For the first time since becoming an alicorn, not counting the battle with Tirek, Twilight pulled in as much magic as her ascended body would allow. The ground trembled with the amount of energy she held, and Spike shouted her name in fear as she rose into the air without a single flap of her wings, eyes ablaze with power. “WELL FINE! SOME CREATURES JUST AREN’T WORTH MAKING FRIENDS WITH! SO BUCK YOU!”
And then, she released all of her raging power on the cowering Yakyakastanian prince and his entourage, completely covering them in a beam of purple energy from which there was no defense.
Silence followed in the wake of Twilight Sparkle’s fury, and she used her wings to blow away the dust that had been kicked up by the release of her magic, revealing three stone statues with looks of surprise and fear written on their faces.
With the prince dealt with, the alicorn princess landed, and looked to the little dragon sitting on her back with the closest thing to a calm face she could muster after the lives of her friends had been so openly threatened. “Spike, take a letter. Tell Princess Celestia…we’re going to war.”
Yakyakastan Conquered!
New Kingdom to be Ruled by Princess of Friendship?
Twilight let out a groan as she put down the morning paper to grab her morning coffee and take a sip. Although the ‘war’ with the yaks had ended five days ago and lasted a total of two weeks, the Equestrian newspaper service was showing its usual speed when it came to important news. The suggestion made by the title made Twilight shiver.
Maybe it was time to bring Sunset Shimmer home and stick a pair of wings on the unicorn. The girl had more than earned them for her work during the siren debacle and if her reports concerning that incidents at Hearth's Warming were true. If she could handle human teenagers without her magic, then a country of surly quadrupeds with a limited vocabulary wouldn’t be a problem.
The sound of the dining room door opening drew Twilight out of her thoughts, and she smiled at the blue pegasus that came trotting in with half a dozen medals still attached to her chest along with a small entourage. While Twilight could only roll her eyes at Rainbow showing off her honors that the princesses had bestowed upon her, she was starting to think Dash was pushing it by having Spitfire and Fleetfoot follow her around for the past seven days to give reports and…well, just be there for her to squeal over.
Of course this new authority and ego boost had come from the Equestrian’s war with the Yakyakastanians. Although the pegasi had proven themselves to be the best soldiers in the EUP thanks to their ability to bomb ground forces with lightning en mass and reconnaissance abilities granted by their wings, Rainbow had shown herself to be a whole other level of asset. The pegasus had nearly taken three cities by herself, unleashing rainbooms in the center of Yakyakastan towns, disabling most of their defenders before the ground forces moved in to take advantage of the aftereffects.
Only the princesses themselves, and Twilight’s brother could outstrip her achievements single-hoofed. And Discord, but…he was disqualified for not having hooves as his main manipulating appendages.
Because of this and her bravery, Luna had appointed the pegasus to the position of Brigadier-General, and put her in charge of the Wonderbolts. Twilight was sure that hadn’t been the best decision made by the Princess of the Night since her return from the moon, but…with Rainbow having to stay in Ponyville so the Cutie Map could be tended to, Twilight was sure she could mitigate any damage the pegasus might cause to the organization.
“Hey Twilight,” the general greeted the mare.
Twilight couldn’t help but smile back and nod. “Rainbow,” she said to the lead pegasus as she sat down before looking to the captain and other pegasus. “Spitfire, Fleetfoot. Would the two of you like to join us for breakfast?”
As always, the Captain of the Wonderbolts immediately snapped to attention. “Thank you for the offer Highness, but it would be improper for us to sit at the same table as you and the Council.”
“Well then go get something to eat at Sugar Cube Corner or something,” Rainbow told them. “Don’t need the two of you looking over my shoulder while I’m eating. Yeesh.”
Spitfire saluted. “Understood Ma’am,” she said before looking over to Twilight again and bowing as deeply as she could without going full prostration. “Highness.”
After the pair of pegasi left, a white unicorn came trotting in with a scarf around her neck and a pair of bulging saddlebags. “Hello Rarity. More clothing ideas you want our opinion on?” the alicorn asked.
“Hello Twilight,” she replied before opening up her bags to pull out five scarves of various designs, each one with a cutie mark stitched in. “And yes. With the war over, all the nobles in Canterlot are going to be wanting to wear some yak wool to celebrate our victories in the north, and I need a bit more practice in working the material before the ball season starts.”
Behind Rarity, Applejack came trotting in with her own luggage that clinked as she moved. “Yah know Rarity, Ah don’t rightly many ponies are gonna go fer clothes made from the coats of other talking animals.”
The unicorn gave the earth pony a half-lidded look. “Tell me Applejack, when can I expect the next delivery of sheep wool from your farm?”
Applejack stared back at her for a few seconds, the two of them locking gazes as the orange farmer found her seat. “…Touché,” she replied before sitting down. Then she remembered the milk bottles she had been carrying around and quickly began passing them out to the others. “Here ya’ll go. Fresh squeezed last night, and left in the fridge to cool.”
Pinkie Pie popped up from under the table and slid into her seat before taking one of the glass bottles and popping off the top to take several gulps. “Ah! Nothing like the sweet taste of victory!” she declared.
“Pinkie,” Rainbow spoke up. “You didn’t even do anything against the yaks.”
“Oh not the yaks, I’m talking about the cows. Tomorrow will be the thirtieth anniversary of Princess Celestia’s victory over the Cattle Barons and their following subjugation-er, I mean integration into pony society!” she exclaimed. “Granny Pie fought in that war ya know.”
Pinkie took another gulp of milk and looked over to the alicorn sitting at the table. “Hey Twilight, I hear yaks can be milked too. Does that mean we’re going to have a bunch of them shipped down from Yakyakastan to be held in cramped conditions and have the resources their bodies produced harvest for the good of Equestria?”
Twilight blinked at the question and gave Pinkie a blank look for a good two minutes. Then, a frown slowly made its way onto Twilight’s face. “Yeah well…” she said before pausing to think for a moment and slamming her hoof onto the breakfast table. “They started it!”
Author's Note
And here's my little take on how things in Party Pooped should have gone.
At first it was just your basic don't mess with Twilight's friends because she will fuck you and your entire species up story, but then I got to wondering what would have happened after the war, and looked around at all the OTHER talking stuff in Equestria. Sure, donkeys and griffons are allowed equal rights and can own property, but the talking sheep and cows down at AJ's farm are pretty much treated like...well, animals.
And since yaks can produce both wool and milk in acceptable quantities, well...guess where they're gonna go.
Oh, and the smell thing wasn't a joke. Seriously if you've ever seen a yak in real life, the only thing that smells worse than their bodies is their breath. 
