Apples Down His Pants

by Donraj

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Fancypants, Slice of Life, Main 6, Applejack, Fleur de Lis, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2328

A evening encounter leads to an unlikely friendship.

While being unwillingly subjected to a high culture Applejack finds herself meeting the acquaintance of a pony whose company she never would have expected to enjoy. Things spiral from there.

Published 2015-06-28 13:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-28 13:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1

“Ah swear, this is the last time, Ah repeat the last time, Ah wager against Rarity on anything,” Applejack grumbled as she watched her long time friend and current tormentor trade compliments and witticisms with a gaggle of fancy Canterlot muckity-mucks who as near as Applejack could tell were very important members of high society owing to their reputations for being very important members of high society.

Needless to say, Applejack was not enjoying herself.

"I say," said a cultured voice. Applejack recognized but danged if she could remember where from. "I don't believe we were properly introduced before."

Applejack turned to see a white coated unicorn stallion in a stylish black coat levitating a pair of cocktail glasses between them. He smiled and for some reason it put Applejack at ease instead setting her teeth on edge like the other ponies she had exchanged pleasantries with that evening.

"Let me remedy that by making our third encounter the charm," he continued as he offered her his hoof. "My name is Fancy Pants."

Applejack bumped his hoof awkwardly with her own. She self-consciously used much less force than she normally would. "Thank ya kindly," she said. "Ah'm Applejack and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Fancy Pants' smile widened and suddenly felt a bit more genuine. "I'd say the pleasure is all mine, but I wouldn't want to deny you the first bright spot of the evening," he said wryly.

Applejack barked out a laugh before she realized what she was doing. "You've got that right!" She said with a grin to match his. "Ah reckon it's an old hat to Rarity, but Ah've been feeling more confused than a fruit bat in a wax museum at this here shindig. Still can't believe I let Rarity rope me into it. Ah've seen snail races that were more exciting."

"I know the feeling," Fancy Pants said ruefully. He nodded his head at something behind her. "Speaking of which: mention Discord and he does appear."

Applejack turned to see Rarity finish extracting herself from a clinging cloud of socialites. Her eyes widened slightly as they swept over Applejack and her companion.

"Why Fancy Pants!" she said with the barest hint of nervousness in her voice. "I see you've found my plus one."

"Just so," Fancy Pants confirmed. "I really must commend you on your taste in company. I knew you had an eye for fashion but it seems you're just as good at picking ponies to wear it."

Applejack felt her cheeks flush while Rarity tittered. "I simply couldn't answer you invitation with anything less than the best," Rarity replied. "You always hold the most delightful soirees."

Applejack felt her stomach sink at that. "Heh," she stammered. "This here's your party, Fancy?"

Rarity froze as she put two and two together and got 'farm pony unsupervised at a fancy party,' but Fancy Pants simply chuckled. "Indeed it is. I'm sure you know better than I how Rarity exaggerates when she praises somepony," he said with a wink.

"Sure do!" Applejack said with a laugh. "You oughta see how Spike blushes n' stammers when she thanks him for doin' chores round the Boutique."

Applejack affected a surprisingly accurate parody of a high class Manehattenite accent as she said the last word. Rarity blushed as red as Spike ever had, but Fancy Pants let out a surprisingly authentic belly laugh.

Once the laughter died down Fancy Pants casually asked, "Who is Spike?"

Rarity stopped glamour at Applejack and gave Fancy Pants a winning smile. "Spikey-Wikey is a baby dragon and a dear friend with a secret crush on me that everypony in Ponyville knows about. It really is just the cutest little thing."

"Eyup," Applejack agreed. "Fluttershy coos over it more than a bushel of baby bunnies."

"Ah yes, your model friend? " Fancy Pants asked as he placed the name.

A flash of something that went deeper than discomfort passed over Rarity's face. "Only briefly, and not for a long time."

"Oh?" Fancy Pants inquired, all polite interest. "You still see her face around Canterlot and Manehatten."

Rarity's mouth twisted like she had tasted something bitter. "Yes, some of the licensing contracts for her image were distressingly long term."

"Consairnit Rarity, you can't keep blaming yerself for that," Applejack interjected.

"I can and I shall!" Rarity shot back tartly. Their eyes locked and suddenly the air was very tense.

Fancy Pants cleared his throat. "So Rarity, I have been giving thought to paying a visit to Ponyville sometime soon."

Rarity blinked. "What?" She looked confused for a moment, then said, "Oh, to see the castle?"

Fancy Pants chuckled. "Only as an incidental. I would like to become better acquainted with these friends of yours." He nodded to Applejack. "And tonight has more than confirmed that I should," he said with a wink."

Applejack snorted. "As long as you don't go all crazy like the last bigshot pony to swing by for a visit."

"Applejack!" Rarity gasped, scandalized. Fancy Pants just looked quizzical.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Eyup," Applejack said. "Crazy colt name of Trendy Hoof decided he really, REALLY loved farm ponies and that he wanted to show it by sticking that there horn of his right into my—”

"Oh my, look at the time!" Rarity said. She grabbed Applejack's ear in a telekinetic grip and began dragging her away. "We really must be going. Ta ta, Fancy Pants! A pleasure as always."

"Oww! Dang it Rarity, Ah—hey!"

Applejack grabbed and missed as her Stetson was levitated up off her head and after the rapidly retreating Rarity. Applejack followed, countrying up a storm as she did. Fancy Pants watched them go, his expression thoughtful.

Author's Note

This chapter is brought to you by Patreon and the wise and generous SFaccountant

Chapter 2

“Fleur, Fancy Pants!” Rarity said as her friends disembarked from the train. “Let me be the first to welcome you to Ponyville!”

The two unicorns smiled as they joined Rarity on a side of the platform away from the other disembarking passengers. Fleur Dis Lee was quick to exchange hugs and cheek kisses with their host. Fancy Pants settled for one kiss just above her extended hoof. Rarity's smile turned dazzling. She gestured to the two ponies standing nearby.

“I believe you've already met Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle. Girls, these are my good friends—”

Rarity was cut off as Pinkie Pie let out a huge squeal of excitement and thrust her face to within inches of Fleur Dis Lee's.

“Oh my gosh, you look just like a princess!” Pinkie Pie gushed. “I mean, not like Twilight but just like Celestia and Cadance and Luna! Twilight's kind of the odd pony out there but she only just became a princess so maybe she'll grow into it. Twilight, are you going to be this hot in a few years? Ooh, I need to start planning a “Twilight went from a cute nerd to sexy librarian pa—”

“Pinkie!” Twilight and Rarity shouted at exactly the same time. Blue and purple magic surrounded the perky party pony and pulled her back to a more polite distance. Rarity turned to her guests, horribly embarrassed.

“I'm so sorry!” she said in a rush. Pinkie Pie can sometimes be a bit… excitable.”

Fleur Dis Lee laughed, a sound like the pell of a bell. “It's quite alright. Believe me, this is nothing compared to how creepy ponies in the modeling biz get.”

She gave Pinkie Pie a tolerant smile. “I've been told I'm as pretty as a princess before, but never by somepony who has met all three—” she broke off, looked at Twilight and blushed before continuing, “All four. It's quite the compliment.” She winked as she said that last part.

“Oh you totally are!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully. She looked thoughtful and rubbed at her chin. “Except maybe Cadance. That mare's flank just doesn't quit! I don't know how Shining Armor manages to do anything all day except plow that—”

The magic that clamped Pinkie Pie's mouth shut this time was all Twilight’s. Fancy Pants spoke up just as Pinkie Pie stopped trying to talk through her closed muzzle.

"I fear I'm the only pony here who doesn't know the town. Fleur dear, didn't you say you had family nearby?"

Fancy Pants' polite question managed to do what Pinkie Pie's mouth could not: make Fleur Dis Lee uncomfortable.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that," she said a little too quickly. "I haven't seen them in some time."

She turned to their host, clearly not wanting to continue that line of conversation. "Rarity, thank you again for offering us a place to stay."

Rarity grimaced. "About that," she began. "I'm afraid there's been an accident at the Boutique in my guest room."

Fancy Pants cocked an eyebrow. "An accident rendering it unsuitable for habitation, I gather?" he asked.

"Something like that," Rarity said, her cheeks flushing. "Cutie Mark Crusaders Gastric Surgeons."

Fancy Pants started to say something but Rarity raised a hoof. "Don't ask," she said firmly. "Just...don't ask."

Fancy Pants opened his mouth, closed it and thought for a moment. "Well then," he said finally.

"You're welcome to stay at the palace, but most of the rooms I don't use still aren't furnished and that includes the spare bedrooms." Twilight chimed in.

"I'm still surprised you haven't at least set up one for Spike," Rarity chided.

Twilight rolled her eyes. "He'll get tired of setting that basket up on his throne sooner or later.

Fancy Pants chuckled. "I'm sure we can find something. If nothing else I have a business associate in town who would be happy to host us for a few days."

Twilight raised an eyebrow as they left the train station. "Just like that?"

Fancy Pants' eyes twinkled. "He'd pay for the opportunity if I was crass enough to ask. Now then. What do you have planned for today, princess?"

Twilight's excitement at the word 'planned' was enough to overpower her knee-jerk response to the use of her title. She smiled just widely enough to straddle the line between joy and mental illness as she conjured up a checklist.

"I'm glad you asked! Rarity and I came up with a detailed itinerary—"

Rarity coughed delicately.

Twilight blushed. "That is, we came up with a list of suggested sights and activities. You're probably hungry, which is why lunch is the first thing in the list."

Twilight beamed proudly for a moment before continuing, "Rarity suggested several—"

"I could do with some hay fries," Fleur Dis Lee cut in abruptly.

Fancy Pants nodded in agreement. "I haven't had a good hay burger in the longest time."

Rarity looked surprised. Twilight gave her a smug look. "I know just the place," the purple princess sang.

†

"So then I looked at her and said, 'That's not my pen, darling."

Everypony at the table burst out laughing. Pinkie Pie in particular collapsed into a giggle fit that drowned out Fleur Dis Lee's snort and Rarity's scandalized titter. Pinkie Pie clapped the supermodel unicorn on the back as she struggled to regain control

"He's amazing, Fleur! I can totally see why you'd want to charm his pants off!"

That shut everypony up. Pinkie Pie looked around the suddenly silent table. "What?"

"Pinkie..." Twilight began before settling for a sigh and a facehoof.

Rarity looked a little dazed at the social faux pas bombardment the day was developing into. "Fleur," she said in a weak voice. "I'm so terribly sorry—"

Fleur Dis Lee burst out laughing. "Oh sweet Celestia," she managed as she shook with mirth. "I can see why the Princess thought you all were the right ponies to liven up the Gala!"

Pinkie Pie laughed along with her. Rarity nearly melted into her chair in relief and Fancy Pants was clearly struggling to keep a straight face as the tension drained away from the table. By the time Fleur Dis Lee subsided enough to begin wiping the tears from her eyes the verbal hand grenade seemed well and truly dodged.

"How did you know why Princess Celestia invited us to the Gala?" Twilight asked. All eyes turned to her. "She didn't even tell me until afterward at Donut Joe's."

Fleur Dis Lee froze. "She, well, I'd heard—"

"So Rarity, how is Applejack these days?" Fancy Pants asked a little too loudly.

Rarity seized on the question like the last life preserver on the Mactanic. "She didn't waste a minute signing up for the first rodeo she could find when we got back from Canterlot," Rarity said. She chuckled and added, "Can you believe that she insisted on donning that Stetson of hers the moment our train left the station?"

"But how did you—" Twilight began.

"Twilight darling, don't be rude," Rarity chided. She winked at Fleur Dis Lee. "A lady never betrays her sources for certain tidbits."

"But I just want to know—" Twilight tried again.

"A rodeo you say?" Fleur Dis Lee asked over the curious princess. "Is that what the stadium we saw being set up on the ride in was for?"

"The very same," Rarity confirmed. "Apparently there were some safety issues and parts of the old ring had to be torn down. Isn't that right, Twilight?"

"I don't know how the usual inspector missed it," Twilight said grumpily. She was clearly annoyed at not having her question answered, but her irritation faded as she succumbed to the joy of bureaucracy. "The Ponyville building code clearly states..."

Fleur Dis Lee gave Fancy Pants a grateful look. He acknowledged it with a barely perceptible nod as Twilight lectured. The young princess was waving her hooves and gesticulating with her wings for emphasis. Everypony at the table leaned back into their seats. This was going to take awhile.

Author's Note

This chapter is brought to you by Patreon and the wise and generous SFaccountant