Running around with ponies

by danail24

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 12827

A college student gets teleported to Canterlot by mistake by Princess Luna!

Human in Equestria, if you dig these sort of things! This one has a spice to it though... A college student gets teleported to Canterlot by mistake by Princess Luna. How will he cope with this new world... being a fugitive and all!

Update: Just randomly thought up the new title of this fic! It's more fitting don't you think (ps: story still on hiatus though)

Published 2012-05-22 09:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-27 13:04:46 UTC

The fugitive is discovered!

“Last time on Running around with ponies!” an invisible narrator spoke, showing a colorful yet badass looking title of the fanfic then went through different scenes from the events that had occurred in the previous chapter, he enthusiastically as narrated in the background “Princess Luna was practicing ancient magic, but then accidentally warped a mysterious human named Ivan from the planet Earth to Equestria! A band of royal guard trainees confronted the alien and he had to fight for his very life in order to survive! Alas backup arrived before Ivan could escape! Using a trick Kamehameha wave, the man blinded everypony and made his heroic getaway! Now on the brink of starvation he lay down in the branches of a three house, not knowing that somepony lived inside! What will happen to our hero? Find out on the next exciting episode of DRAGON BALL ZEEEEE… Oooops, wrong show… I mean Running around with Poniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies!”

Chapter 2
The fugitive is discovered!
The sun slowly peered from the horizon, its rays finding their ways through the leaves and window of the Ponyville library. A purple unicorn rose her head happily and looked at her calendar. She was known as Twilight Sparkle, the keeper of this sanctuary of knowledge. The mare hopped out of bed and started giggling like a nerdy filly on the first day of school. Today was the day! The day when one of the rarest books Ever is delivered to her humble abode! Using her horn’s magic, Twilight brushed her mane and teeth and trotted down to the first floor and out the door to check her mail. She shook with joy, while opening the mailbox and shoving her muzzle in to dig for what she desired. For her disappointment, followed by a surprise the filly took out a letter… from Princess Celestia herself! It wasn’t that much of a wonder that the Princess wrote to her favorite student but… the message being sent as regular mail? Well there is also the possibility that Spike might have put it there, going out for fresh air. Where was her assistant anyways? The bookworm pony hadn’t seen the little guy anywhere. Not to mention that it was quite unlike him to get up even earlier than her, instead of sleeping in as he always did.

No matter! Book or no book, Spike or no Spike, the brainy unicorn had the feeling this letter was somehow important. So she galloped back to her home, not forgetting to leave a chocolate chip muffin before she left.

5 seconds after the purple librarian exited the stage, a grey derpy eyed mail-pegasus with a lime mane came into view, flying down, carrying a book shaped package. At first she bonked her empty lil’ head against the metallic box, for this filly was quite the silly ditz.

“Aaaah, my morning muffin! Aaaammm-mmfff!” The silly pony chomped on her snack, for it was a sort of a job-well-done tip.

Twilight lay on her reading pillow and opened her message. This is what it read:

“My faithful student Twilight,
I must inform you that an accident has happened here in Canterlot! My dear sister Luna summoned a creature from another world by mistake. The alien itself got out of control probably due to the shock of our foreign culture and escaped from the capital. I have already sent news to other towns and villages to be on the lookout in case it shows up somewhere. There is a high possibility it might be heading for Ponyville since this peaceful little town is the closest from where it fled. Wanted posters have already been sent! By the reports I have received, the outworlder may act violently as an act of self-defense! The creature might be dangerous so I advice you and your friends not to confront, agitate or frighten it! You can find a rough sketch of the animal in the letter.

Signed: Princess Celestia”

“Oh!” The mare put her hoof on her mouth, taken aback by the threatening-looking creature that looked like a deadly beast. It was written that it was 5’10” feet tall. Twice the size of a pony! The being was almost completely bald besides the brown mane on its head, and some peach fuzz on the upper appendages. Its face and body were similar to that of a chimp, not counting the nose that was like a round edged pyramid and the two feet on which it stood that were really bizarre in form.

“Hmmm… maybe I should send a reply to the princess to inform her that there’s nothing to worry! After all there’s nothing me and my friends can’t handle!” The librarian lifted up her quill and spread a new sheet of paper with the intention to start writing a reply but then heard a loud snoring noise coming from upstairs.

She scowled in annoyance. So … Spike had actually hidden himself somewhere on the second floor for some extra snoozles, huh? Well he was in for a very rude awakening. The mare climbed up the stairs and looked around the bedroom but there was no sign of the baby dragon. However the noise could still be heard. Where was he? That’s when Twilight noticed the upper window, that led to the upper branches was the source of the disturbance.

“SPIKE! Get down from there lazy bones! How many times do I have to tell you not to sleep on the roof?” The pony’s head popped halfway out the window.

This sudden outburst woke up something covered up by a bundle of fabric, which Miss Sparkle presumed was her reptilian assistant. She was about to stand corrected.

“UUuuh?” The bundle in its shock fell off the branch right on top of the smarty pony.

Ivan lifted himself in a sitting position, rubbing his aching head when he felt something soft. With his heart racing, the dude reached down and grasped something. It was a dark indigo colored tail with stripes of purple and pink. The college student then tugged on it a few times.

“Ow, Uuuh, Yaah! Stop pulling on my tail!” A female voice sounded accordingly from the jerks. That caused the human to jump in fear.

“What’s with me and landing on ponies all the time!” He yelled, angry at himself.

Twilight closed her eyes upon impact. She didn’t open them until the load that landed on her disappeared. Then she heard a colt’s voice. With weird emotions whirling around, the mare opened her big cute violet eyes. What the magic lady saw was not what she wanted to see.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” The little equine gathered as much air as she could in her small lungs and then let out a terrified shriek.

“AAAAAAAAAAH!” The man screamed back in his tenor voice.

They both quickly zoomed behind something right after. The filly was behind her bed curled in a ball, shivering. Of all the ponies in Equestria, this had to happen exactly to her! Twilight wasn’t prepared mentally and physically to counter whatever that… monstrous looking thing could dish out.

After a full 2 minutes she decided to peek and see where the alien was. For her shock both she and the creature had the same idea as their heads popped out of the opposite sides of the bed simultaneously. EEEK! HE’S ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE BED!

“Yaaaaah!” The unicorn used her teleportation spell, reappearing below, on the living room floor.

“Enough with the noise, its giving me a headache, uh!” The human grabbed his head in pain.

“Y-you are the creature princess Celestia wrote to me about! A-and you talk!” The purple equine stuttered, now that she has taken a better overall look at the outlander.

In comparison to the sketch, he seemed far scarier in person.

“Gee, I wonder how many other alien creatures has your princess informed you about! Oh, yeah and if you haven’t noticed I’m just as puzzled that there is an Enchanted land full of talking ponies!” Ivan scowled at the sight of a similar negative reaction from yet another pony.

He could feel the animal’s alarm and that vexed and worried him. If she were to do what the college student thought she would, he’d have to subdue and tie her up. His fears being confirmed, the unicorn did exactly what the fugitive expected: she made a break for it, heading for the library’s hall and its exit, to warn the others of her kind no doubt. The dude wasn’t going to let that happen, no way, no how! He followed her halfway down the stairs, then while narrowly missing the first floor’s ceiling, did a somersault with a torque, landing right in front of the door.

“Eeeee! You can fly?” A stupefied Twilight backed off.

“No, jump good!” The man bent his neck, making a cracking sound.

Inhaling, Ivan locked his thumbs together and stretched his arms overhead. Then he lifted one of his legs as high as he could and brought it down with an arch movement.

He’s stretching? The brainy librarian thought when the shirtless being spoke again.

“Sorry but I can’t let you go! If I do, you’ll go around screaming your head off, alerting all of the town’s… ponies of my presence. And I don’t wanna be chased away again!” The alien creature spread his arms and legs, blocking the entrance of the establishment, with a determined look on his face.

“There are other ways to get out!” Miss Sparkle ran towards the stairs but the home invader jumped and dropped down right in front of her again. “How do you keep reappearing in front of me so fast without the use of magic or wings?”

“It seems you haven’t heard of what in my world we call “gymnastics”. Now, STAY WHERE YOU ARE!” The gymnast shot his hands forth in order to grab the cute little fluffy thing only for her to evaporate, catching only air.

Fearing that if the monster were to get a hold of her, who knows what he would do, Twilight slammed the door of the next room of the first floor (that’s where she ended up after teleportation). Barricading it with her body, the mare felt some grand slams coming from behind the wooden boards. Was he bucking it? The force she felt with every push made her heart flutter, racing with irrational fear, panicking that this creature might be even more violent than the Princess assumed.

Ivan knew he was only making things worse but if this inhabitant of the town were to snitch on him, there was gonna be a ruckus. He didn’t want to be dragged and put in chains. After doing multiple back kicks, the human concluded that this thing was sturdier than it seemed. Then stepping back and back and back, making a distance of 16.5 feet, he lunged forth.

On the other side, noticing that the attacks had seized, the filly did a “see-through solid objects” spell, witnessing the alien charging forth. Thinking fast, the bookworm quickly opened the door with magic. Ivan stumbled and tumbled forward and fell on his face. He was lucky that his skin didn’t peel off from the friction. With his brows, nose and chin hurting, the young man glared at the purple pony. Gasping at this menacing expression, Twilight used her telekinetic magic lifting up some books and propelled them at the now standing in its full size creature. The fighter managed to block, parry, dodge, counter punch, kick and palm strike most of the reading matters, but since they were many and flying at him from every angle, it hurt like hell every time one of them slipped through and rammed him in the gut or head.

Now truly angry Ivan lunged at the filly, letting out a ferocious battle cry. As the nerdy pony’s eyes widened, she moved aside, activating her spell on the wooden bust of a horse and throwing it at him as well. The human lost his concentration for a second leaping above the obstacle curling into a ball so he can land safely on the floor. The College student miscalculated though, hitting his curled back against the wall, the recoil causing him to fall. Not giving up, he again tried to rush and grab the pony, but only got another dose of flying into something solid. After the shock of causing another creature to severely hurt itself passed away, the librarian galloped for the exit, and was just about to run out of the library and in the open streets when she heard the alien call out behind her.

“I said you aren’t gonna get away and I mean it! NOW GET BACK HERE!” The fugitive, still wobbly from the impact, propped himself on a hand-ladder, barely standing but as hard-set as ever on capturing the pony.

Be that as it may, the ladder gave under his weight and he collapsed, landing on his back.

“Oh, my!” Twilight turned round and got closer to the fallen human.

Using her horn, the pony lifted him up and lay him on the ground. The foreigner was still conscious but judging by the current look on his face, she sensed sadness and loss of faith. The mare felt awful. This was a living thing just like her and had feelings. Just because he looked and sounded monstrous didn’t mean she had to act like she did. The being then spoke:

“What’s the point? I’m gonna get captured sooner or later so why do I keep avoiding what’s inevitable. Everyone hates me here anyways!” Ivan held in his tears back as he reflected on his situation. “GO ON! RUN OUT AND TELL EVERYONE I’M HERE!” He yelled at the equine but it didn’t move an inch.

The purple coated animal only looked at him just standing there. He read on her face an emotion that he didn’t expect to see: compassion.

“I’m sorry I attacked you earlier. I don’t know what came over me! At first I thought you were a monster here to kill me before I tell somepony you’re here but… I made a terrible misjudgment! Now I see you’re just a misunderstood creature that needs somepony to listen to him!” The filly sat down, guiltily lowering her head and ears.

“Heh, I guess I do look like that!” The college student looked at his reflection in the window nearby, propping himself on his elbows “Such a sorry state I’ve ended up in! My hair looks like a misused brush, I can smell my own body filth and my hunger has turned me into an aggressive beast! I reckon I get why you guys take me for a monster since I resemble one!” He gave a sad smile.

“Oh… so this is not actually the usual way you look?” miss Sparkle felt like an idiot for asking such a stupid rhetorical question.

The more she spent in the company of this person, the more the pony’s kind nature took over her feelings.

“You poor thing! How could the princess dub you dangerous when you were obviously just scared, confused and lost!”

“Well, it was mainly my own fault! Not only did I refuse arrest by the law ponies there but I also fought them, and committed all sorts of crimes including resorting to thievery! I’m such an id…” Ivan was cut off by the hug given to him by the neck from the understanding equine.

“Whatever you did, you had a reason didn’t you? Don’t be sad, I’m here to listen! You can tell me all about it!” Twilight grinned amiably and helped him get up, only to be lifted up herself.

The man looked her from the tip of the hind hooves to the horn. He held the critter under the fore hooves and didn’t avert his gaze from her sparkly violet eyes.

“Daaaaaaaaaaaw, you’re so cute and fluffy and adorable!” The fellow hugged her, rubbing his cheek against hers.

“O-kaay! I…love…you…too?” the bookworm agreed with whatever kind of statement for peace this was. “So what’s your name?”

“Ivan!” The outworlder briefly replied, gently lowering her down.

“I-van?” a question mark appeared over Miss Sparkle’s head, her lying down on a pillow close to her new acquaintance.

“I said Ivan! Eeeeeee-van! Is it hard to say the phoneme ee? Like the letter “e”.” The guy cocked an eyebrow.

“Sorry, a spelling error! I read a lot!” The pony smiled nervously.

“No kidding! I mean, you do live in a library after all… at least it looks like a library… are you the librarian here?” Ivan finally had the time to look around.

“Why yes, sort of! I moved here a year ago from Canterlot! I decided to stay because I made friends here!” The female librarian nodded.

“So what’s your name?” The guest requested.

“Oh, yeah! I forgot to give my own name before asking yours! Ahem… My name is Twilight Sparkle, Ponyville’s librarian, protégé of magic, and personal Apprentice of Princess Celestia!” Twilight became went over her official intruduction.

“Twilight Sparkle, really?” The human wrinkled his lips before having a short burst of laughter “Waaaahahahahahahahahaah! Does everyone here have their names taken from a cereal box? All these pony names sound so ridicu-lu-lu-louuu-huhuhuhuuuus! Lemme guess, they name everyone of you after the tattoos on your butt! Eeeeheheheheheee!” He finished up laughing.

“Ibidi-bidi-biibiiiibiiiibiii-i-dibidibiiii!… very funny!” The nerd did her mock talk.

“Hmm… Celestia, Celestia! Why do I think I have heard that name before?” The student got serious, contemplating on where he remembered that from.

“She’s the ruler of all of Equestria! The country you are in right now! She is the one responsible to raise the sun every day!” The filly shook her hoof all knowingly.

“She must be one heck of a powerful alicorn then! Wait, where do I know that term from?” Ivan made a funny grimace in his confusion.

“You know what an alicorn is? Well that is odd indeed! Where could you have possibly heard it from? I only know of three, including the two princesses Celestia and Luna!”

“Luna?” The mere mention of that name jogged the fighter’s memory “GAAAH! That’s the dark blue unicorn-Pegasus-thingy with the crescent moon tattoo on her posterior isn’t she? She was the one responsible for bringing me here! And there was this armored guy pony who mentioned that Celestia too! He also said she was the one who ordered my arrest! ” The dude’s mouth enlarged comically like a shark’s as he spouted accusations, pointing at Twilight rudely.

“Hey, that’s not a very nice thing to say! I read a letter written by princess Celestia herself! She wrote that your summoning was an accident! I don’t know why the royal guards threatened to throw you in the dungeon, pursued and engaged you in battle but I can vouch that the princess would never give such an order! She is kind and tolerant and you shouldn’t judge her like that!” Miss Sparkle retorted, indignant and feeling a tad insulted.

“I’m sorry! I just… urh! All this has left me with mixed feelings! I don’t know what to think, who to trust or what to do for that matter! Everyone is out to get me!” The human crouched, putting his arms around his knees and nervously rocking back and forth.

“That’s not true! I’m here for you and I don’t want to “get you”! Look! You can try explaining your side of the story to me.” The pony smiled softly, putting her hoof on his knee and helping her new friend climb up the stairs to the sleeping quarters.

Making him lay on her bed so he’d feel comfortable; Twilight lay down on her belly herself, near the bed.

“Okay! Just give me a second!” he took a deep breath, sighed and then began telling his tale.

Since we all read about all the pain, and frustration, and stress, and fear, and cold, and hardships our character went through, we’ll just say that Ivan spoke for about an hour, rarely interrupted only by questions from the librarian.

When the human finally finished with his perilous odyssey everything went silent for a while. Since he received no answer, the out-worlder turned his head to his listener to inspect her reaction. The purple unicorn just stood there, staring at him speechless, her eyes showing disbelief.

“It’s okay! I wasn’t expecting for you to understand! I guess I just wasted your time! Just don’t tell anyone I was here okay? I’ll be on my w…” The foreign college student shrugged, sitting up and preparing to get his messed up things and leave.

“I can’t believe it! All you have lived through from the moment you appeared in Equestria, was pain, fear, cold and misery! No, I feel inclined to make you stay here for a while!” The pony stamped, putting her hoof on the ground.

“No, I can’t! I’ll just be a burden to you! Not to mention I’ll attract a lot of trouble!” The outsider continued with his disheartened mood.

“I don’t take no for an answer! You’re staying and I’m gonna take care of you!” Twilight Sparkle covered the crouching human with her blanket to keep him warm and then lugged the stuff that was still lying around under the upper window. “What’s in this bag? Are these your possessions?” she poured out the contents.

“No!” Ivan mumbled in regret “They are things I stole from Ponyville, last night!”

“Dear Celestia! Where did you get these apples? And that pail, and sewing materials?” The deductive mare recognized the items.

“I stole them from a barn and a clothes shop!” The man lowered his head in shame.

“Those are from Sweet Apple Acres and Carousel Boutique! My friends work there… Ivan, why? Don’t you know stealing is wrong?” The equine’s look saddened, a bit disappointed.

“Of course I know it’s wrong! I already told you in my story that I stole some things from Canterlot as well! I’m a fugitive! When you’re on the run, you can’t stop by and beg from strangers for stuff! At least in my world that’s the stupidest thing to do! It will only get you caught since they’ll turn you in! I had no choice! I needed those things or I might’ve died! It was my instinct for survival that kept me going! I was gonna take these things and leave today but then I fell on you and everything went wrong!” A few tears fell were shed, using his hands to cover up his face and feelings.

“Dare, dare! I forgive you!” The bookwork patted his shoulder. “I better leave these things here then. If I hand them over to my friends they might suspect that you are here! I so hate lying, especially to friends, though!”

“Oh, please don’t tell any… pony I’m here! They’ll tell the authorities and throw me in prison!” Ivan grabbed the equine which lead to her leting out a cute surprised “eek!”.

“I doubt they’ll throw you in prison, not if princess Celestia has anything to say about it! I can prove to her that you’re not so dangerous! She will listen to me!” The nerdy girlie tried to reassure the dude.

“I CAN’T TAKE THAT RISC! NOW SWEAR YOU WON’T TELL ANYONE!” The alien shook her up.

“Waah-aah-aah-aaah! Oo-oo-ooo-kaa-aay!” The pony’s voice shook along with her body.

“Promise!” The human insisted.

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Twilight did a bunch of silly movements that went with that silly statement.

“?” was the sign that appeared above the guy’s head.

“It’s a special promise that my friend Pinkie Pie made up! It’s a sort of a never break a promise kind of promise!” she clarified.

“Oooh!” Ivan pretended to agree with a nod. “Anyways as long as I am to stay here, may I please use your shower?”

“Sorry! I… don’t have a shower!” Twi apologized for the inconvenience “I bathe myself in a small wooden tub and I doubt it could fit you! But I know one of my friends that has a big bath tub!”

“Oh, no… ooo-oh, no! This is out of the question! O-w-t, out! You’re not getting me out of this tree house!” the college student shook his finger, refusing the offer.

“Relax, I think I know how we can pull this off! There’s an invisibility spell in the new book that is suppose to arrive today in my mail! I’ll learn it quick and cast it on you! Don’t worry, I’m good at these things! We’ll go to my friend’s place, and I’ll pretend I’m the one that needs a bath and…” The purple unicorn elaborated on a plan that sounded just plain crazy.

“This isn’t gonna work! I don’t think we should go for it!” Ivan cut her off.

“Just trust me!” Twilight called out abruptly.

“Ooo! I know I’m going to regret this!” The outworlder leaned his head against the cold bedroom window, trying to make up his mind “Okay! I’m going to trust you! But you better not break your promise coz I’ll hold you to it!”

“You can count on me!” The pony lifted her hoof assertively.

After some planning and spell practicing, the leader type protagonist of the mane six made her way for her friend Pinkie’s house, along with her now enchanted invisible human companion, while carrying a saddlebag with something in it. On the way, our character observed so many multicolored ponies going on errands around town. He felt uncomfortable and worried that he might bump into one and get discovered. But everything went without a hitch and Sugarcube corner was real close by too and they entered the building after a mere 5 minutes of walking. They were just approaching the counter when a small pink mare with a magenta mane popped out from under it.

“Hi! How’s my smart pony friend! I made pie! Try it!” The filly greeted her pal by shoving a piece of blueberry pie in her mouth.

“Berry bood Phinkie!” The bookworm lisped with her snout full.

“You sound silly Twilight! Is this a new way of talking? Did you just make it up, huh, huh, huh? May I try it too? I hath cackph todayph amd yi wuz debishous amd tashty! I can’t wait to teach this to Gummy! Anyways how’ve you been? Did you come here to hang out? If you did I could throw you a quick visit party and then…” Pinkie started jabbering 3 words per sec, nonstop.

After gulping down the pastry, the purple unicorn cut her wacky prattle.

“I’m terribly sorry Pinkie but I didn’t come here to party! I feel a bit uncomfortable to be asking this of you but… may I use your bath tub again?” Miss Sparkle asked.

“Why, you don’t seem dirty?” The party girl skipped around her pal with a strange cartoony sound accompanying the action.

While the two ponies socialized, the invisible college student observed the one known as Pinkie Pie. Ivan had never seen such a loony acting pony. He thought those sort of animals only existed in cartoons but this one seemed quite real.

Some may find her annoying… The human thought But I like her! For some reason I find her even more irresistibly cuter than Twilight. Now get a hold of yourself Ivan! Just because she’s cute doesn’t mean you have to respond to the urge to pet her and brush her mane! GOD! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME! I’m turning from a tough guy into a girly sensitive animal lover! She's so cute dammit! The alien fought the urge to reach out and pet that adorable pink furry little creature. He held down his own hand but no matter how he tried, it was stronger than him. It was like he was under a spell. A very wicked spell overloaded with sweetness! Finally, the dude gave in to the need, scratching at her ears. He was invisible, she’d probably think it’s a flea biting her or something.

“Ahahahahahahaah-ahahahahah! My ear feels ticklish!” miss Pie burst into a fit of the giggles, with her ear twitching “Now my mane feels itchy!” she lifted her hoof up to locate the source of the itch.

“I think I can fix this!” The librarian quickly caught wind of a certain someone’s mischievous nature, lighted up her horn but instead of doing magic, bucked the “invisible problem” right in the shin, followed by a silent muffled curse. “So may I use your bath tub? I really need it… pleeeeeeease!” the brainy mare did a googly eyed face.

“Okay! Make sure you wash behind your ears!” The jolly trickster pointed her hoof towards the bathroom’s direction when suddenly her ears started flopping in an uncontrollable type of manner “Twitcha-twitch! I got the twitchies again!” she gasped.

“Oh, what does that one mean?” Twilight hoped it wasn’t what she expected.

“That means someone really dirty is about to enter the bathroom!” Pinkie Pie looked at her friend slightly suspiciously.

“Uuuuh, yeaaaaah! That’s me! I’m real dirty! Well if you excuse I’ll be on my way! Thanks for the permission Pinkie Pie! Don’t disturb me, okay?” The student of magic quickly but subtly retreated to the other room with a guilty smile on her face.

“Hmmmm! I know I should only expect the best of my friends! I learned that in the “Party of One” episode! But Twilight is acting strange today! She said she wants to take a shower yet she seems as clean as a whistle! But my Pinkie sense has never wronged me! I wonder what’s going on?” The fourth wall breaking filly rubbed her hoof under her snout, puzzled.

/Meanwhile in the bathroom/

“You shouldn’t do things like that Ivan! Pinkie could have noticed you!” Miss Sparkle lectured the fugitive with her back turned to him. She was washing his pants and underwear in a small tub.

“Sorry, Twi! Dunno what possessed me! I guess it was the same mysterious force that attracted my attention to you when I hugged you a while back!” the now visible Ivan sat in the bath tub scrubbing his back with a back-scrubbing brush. The tub itself wasn’t very big but it was good enough to sit in.

“So you just touched her ears and mane because you found her cute?” Twilight said agaze.

“Since you put it that way, it is possible!” The human pondered.

“Heeheeheehee! You’re funny Mr. Ivan! Your way of thinking is as irrational as my friend’s Pinkie sense! Now I feel assured that you’re a nice person!” The filly chortled with glee.

“Well you have a very rich dictionary of words, you speak in a very intelligent way for a candy colored pony.” The Bulgarian smiled kindly, returning the compliment with one of his own.

That’s when they heard Pinkie Pie call out right outside the bathroom door.

“Hey, Twilight, who are you talking to? Is it an unexpected guest? I love unexpected guests!” The cotton candy pony’s silhouette emerged behind the curtain covering the upper window of the door.

“Damn! Twilight, think of something!” The College student whispered, lowering his head, his eyes on the level of the tub’s edge.

“Uuuuh, no Pinkie! Whatever do you mean? I’m here with uuuuuh… Gummy! Yeah! I just love talking to that green tiny… alligator guy!” the brainiac lied again. She so hated lying, especially to one of her best friends but she had no choice.

“This girl has an alligator in her house? Is she nuts?” Ivan called out in an even lower tone before being shushed by Twilight.

“Oh, if that’s so then I better come in! I haven’t fed him dinner yet and it’s near dinner time! He loves cake frosting and cupcake icing and…” The door handle started turning as the wacky hostess of Sugar Cube corner entered.

In a split second several things happened. With expressions of panic, the duo of accomplices acted quickly. The purple unicorn hopped in the bathtub, forcing the outsider to take a deep breath and dive underwater, gathered lots of bubbles with her magic and splashed around so she’d wet herself even further.

Just then Pinkie entered with a typical fun-loving grin.

“Wow, you sure love to play around in the bath! What do you say I join you and Gummy?” The funny girl skipped towards her friend and the mass of bubbles.

“NO!” The librarian’s holler echoed throughout the room, bringing an awkward silence and a bewildered look from her chum.

“Gee, Twilight? What is up? I cannot understand why you are acting so weird all of a sudden! Are you hiding something? A surprise? No one hides surprises from Pinkamina Dayan Pie for long!” The slapsticky mare closed in on a cornered Twilight, turning her heard upside down for comic effect.

“Oh, look, there’s Gummy! I keep losing sight of him! He snuck up right behind you!” A stroke of luck hit the flustered nerd, as she pointed at the newly appeared toothless pet alligator.

“Oh, Gummy, there you are! You shouldn’t hide from mommy! Now I’m gonna feed you sumthin dewishious, yes I will!” The magenta maned pony hugged her beloved reptile and cradled it around “Later, TS! I must be going now! Let yourself out when you’re done!” and exited the scene.

/A couple of seconds later/

“Bwaaaaaah!” Ivan rose from the water’s surface gasping for air “Pant, pant pant! That was close! Good thing I have strong lungs!” he removed his new compadre’s tail from his face.

“We better get out quick…UUUH!” The purple magical user tried to step out of the bathing area but then felt a pair of strong slippery slick arms wrap around her so hard that she felt her ribcage closing in.

“Thank you! Did I forget to tell you how lovable and huggable you are? You are like a stuffed toy!” The human spoke with delight in his voice. He knew he was making a fool of himself, but hey, this was Ponyland, it didn’t matter here nor did he care.

“Yeah, you really gotta stop doing that! We don’t have much time!” The intelligent mare hoped out and handed her acquaintance a towel “Now if you just step out and put on this towel then…”

“Dude, are you serious! Lookit this thing! It may not even cover my lower regions! Turn around!” The guy stepped out, barely covering his private parts, whilst his pony helper covered her eyes, making a 180 degrees turn. It was convenient that his pelvis wasn’t wide for a human, since he was a tad thin. “What do we do about the fact that my pants, socks and shoes still aren’t dry and that we’re still wet?”

“I have a solution!” Miss Sparkle took out the garments out of the water.

They were full of moisture at first, but once the unicorn’s horn started glowing, the clothes, pony and human dried off in seconds.

“Cool! I have incredible luck for meeting you in the first place!” The man put on his clothes including a rough, red, hand stitched jacket he made of the fabric he stole.

After a renewal of the invisibility spell, they both ran out of Sugar cube corner. The duo was just a couple of feet away when they heard and saw Pinkie Pie call out of the 2nd floor window.

“Bye Twilight!” The ever happy filly waved “Are you sure you don wanna stay for cake? It’s only the afternoon!”

“No thanks Pinkie, I really have to go and finish my… studies!” the librarian trotted off hastily.

A minute after Twilight left, Pinkie’s eyebrows started twitching followed by shaky hooves.

Hmmm… that’s odd! The first one means somepony’s hiding something very important from me. And the second that I’m about to meet somepony new! Is Twilight hiding some stranger from me? No, I can’t accuse her! But then again maybe I should go ask Spike! Maybe he’ll know! The jolly pony started thinking serious for once, deciding to take a stroll with a final destination Carousel Boutique.

After the bathroom fiasco, Twilight Sparkle and Ivan finally settled down back at the library. After refusing to eat hay, the Bulgarian settled on the apples from his sack and some vegetables; in the future he was thinking of getting some beans, lentil and eggs in order to make something more… rich in protein. After talking some more about each other and their species and laughed, each settled down with a stack of books. The human was reading up on the basics of this new world known as Equestria, checking out pieces such as “The social life of today’s Equestrian ponies”, “Nobility and Royalty”, “Real mythological creatures”, “Classification of pony kind”. After a couple of hours though, the info got too tedious for Ivan so he lay down for a bit and looked at the blue sky from the balcony window. The dude started thinking a lot about all sorts of important stuff.

“Twilight!” he called out.

“Yes?”

“What’s gonna happen to me?”

“I don’t know! I can’t call nopony for help, I can’t just let you roam around in all sorts of dangerous forests until you die, and I can’t lie and keep you a secret forever! I just can’t think of anything! I can just let you stay here, hide you from my assistant Spike until we figure something out!”

“Isn’t there a better way to do this?” The outworlder kept that serious pensive expression.

“Why so serious?” A sugary sweet familiar voice asked. Then a pair of pink animal lips kissed him on the cheek.

“Oooooh, yeeeeeew! Just thinking how to get out of this situation without you or anypony else in Ponyville ever finding out so I can go home!” Ivan blushed from the smooch, unwittingly continuing his blabbing to the pink filly from the candy shop, which was lying right next to him, her head beside his.

“PINKIE PIIIIIE!” The outlander and librarian yelled together, finally noticing who had just dropped by unexpectedly.

“Th-that’s the scary beast from the wanted poster!” another voice caught the twosome’s attention. It was a talking puple-green baby dragon, holding a creased sheet of paper with a picture on it.

“Great Googly Moogly! I’m in for another hell of trouble!” The human pressed his hands against his cheeks like Macaulay Culkin from Home Alone for dramatic effect.

“It seems that no matter how cautious, Twilight and Ivan were unable to escape Pinkie’s never failing Pinkie sense!” The narrator from the beginning of the chapter started cooking up the climax “with the number of Ponyvillians that know about Ivan’s presence increasing, things might take another turn! What will happen to our human protagonist and will he be able to return to his world or be captured by the ponies? Find out on the next hilarious episode of RUNNING AROUND WITH PONIIIIIIIIIES!”

All of a sudden Vegeta from the Dragon Ball Zee series lands and starts scolding the storyteller.

“You blithering idiot! Where have you been? Do you know how long we have been waiting for you to start the next episode of Dragon Ball Z? Either you get your lazy carcass to the narrator booth and do your job or I fire my Galick gun upon you and wipe you out of existence!” the Prince of all Sayans yelled at the guy, tensing up his muscles.

“Sorry, Vegeta! This was just a favor I had to do for a fan! He paid tribute to the show and everything!” the small dude made up all sorts of excuses.

“Shut up and come with me!” Vegeta took the narrator by the collar and flew off.

Author's Note

Well, that’s it for today! I tried to give Ivan more depth and actually make him a bit more sensitive to all this insanity that keeps happening to him. He might be a badass, but that doesn’t mean he’s made out of stone. In the future he will have one or two more nervous breakdowns as all the pressure and helplessness will get to him.

Just so you guys know, watching various episodes I deducted how Twilight home’s interior looks like. The bedroom is on the third floor carved as an alcove, with a set of stairs going down to the second floor. The second floor is the living room with the fireplace and a small balcony and it has a door that leads to another set of stairs that lead down to the first floor. The first floor is the library that has multiple shelves with books, and some other rooms with more shelves and a door that is the entrance to the establishment itself.

Where am I? Escape from Canterlot!

Chapter 1
Where am I? Escape from Canterlot!

It was a bright sunny day in Canterlot Equestria, with only a couple of cumulus clouds hanging in the air. Princess Luna was in her private chambers, lying on her bed, reading a book. When she didn’t know what else to occupy her time with, the princess of the night always opened up some of the older volumes, a thousand years or more old. The current one carried the name of “Arcane spells of the ancients”. Being back from a thousand years of exile hadn’t helped her when it came to reintegrating herself in today’s pony society. Even though she had a blast during Nightmare night with her new Ponyville friends, it took some time for the others who hadn’t gotten used to her to start trusting her again. Sure, here in Canterlot everyone respected her out of her sister’s good name but the Crescent mare couldn’t feel the warmth and love that Celestia basked in with each public appearance. The days of hate were over of course! Tia cared deeply for her, and only wished for everything to get better, assuring her that the future holds a brighter tomorrow. Well, until that time came, Luna would just have to wait and see.

Flipping through the pages, a certain spell caught her eye. It was an inter-dimensional viewing spell, with the help of which she could observe other worlds and their inhabitants.

This sounds most amusing, the princess thought. She wondered if she could perform it. It would be pretty entertaining to watch many various and exotic otherworldly creatures go on with their lives. It’s not like she would disturb them. This spell was for monitoring only. So with a “what the heck”, the mistress of the moon read on as to how to execute the magic.
After a 15-minute learning experience, Luna decided to give it a go. Tapping in her magic potential, her horn glowed dark blue. Concentrating, the alicorn did a circular motion with it, opening a rift through space and time. Smiling at her success, she squealed with delight and clopped her hooves against one another. Peering thought the round window, this is what she saw.

It was a room filled with all sorts of strange metallic devices. The walls were of a mellow yellow tinge, with portraits of strange creatures hung all around . One of em was of a strange furless bipedal creature with a blonde spiky mane, with its upper appendages cupped together, containing a glowing sphere of blue energy. Тhe writing, which by coincidence was the same as Equestrian read “Kamehameha”.

“What strange writing! It is written in the Equestrian alphabet, yet it makes no sense! I wonder if there is anybody living in this strange home I’m observing!” the pony monarch was struck with fascination.

Just then, without warning, strange music started echoing throughout the room. Guitars and sequencers could be heard, followed by a singer, performing the musical piece in a foreign language. The tune was catchy and melodious. Just when the mare’s royal ears were starting to enjoy it, another furless creature appeared, this one alive though. It too walked on two feet, with strange upper limbs that resembled paws but could handle objects with ease, short brown hair, wearing a pair of green pants and a blue sweater.

/on the other side/

Ivan was his name. A 21 year old Bulgarian College student with blue eyes. After a long debate with his parents, he finally got the chance to go and study abroad in the US. It felt good studying at Stanford University! But the best thing was the gymnastics! Being an amateur martial artist, he trained himself by watching youtube videos, and practicing with real training equipment every day. Add to that two years of gymnastics and strength training and the student was really starting to get the results he wanted. Back in his home country, everybody used to pick on him for being different. For being a nerd who loved kids cartoons, and anime, and for being weak and scrawny. Well now his muscles were starting to grow, and he acquired the build. He only needed some more extra pounds! Now the Bulgarian was in the US, and here the people were more welcoming to oddities such as his! He was going to finish his education, make many good friends, get an awesome job and date girls.

The dude sang the Dragon Ball Z anime theme, while doing karate punches on a wooden post, hardening his fists. Then he proceeded with boxing the sandbag, Muay Thai punching, kicking, knee and elbow combos and all the other exercises.

“I must be strong like Kenshiro, fast like Goku, as agile as Luffy!” Ivan got into his own state of mind, motivating himself.

After a little while, the guy decided to move on to other equipment, moving out the line of view.

“Hey, where is he going? I want to see more fantastic movements such as the ones he did just now! Thy princess is not amused!” The blue equine pouted, looking back to the book “How do you enlarge this thing?” She attempted to zoom out so she could continue enjoying the show but that didn’t turn out well.

That was a slip-up that would cost Luna dearly for ever tampering with unknown dimension vortexes. And wouldn’t you know the rift destabilized, becoming wider and wider until it was human sized that triggered the most obvious thing happening. The bipedal creature unwittingly stepped through the portal, while doing combo moves, followed by the portal closing, and an awkward situation ensuing.

“Ha, haaa! Uuuh…” Ivan suddenly stopped hitting the air and looked around. Something told him this wasn’t his training room anymore.

He scratched his head in bewilderment, wondering if he was hallucinating or something. Just then the college student heard strange noises. Turning his head leftward, he was flabbergasted to see a dark blue mare, with a matching mane made of energy that consisted of entire star constellations, and a crescent moon on a black background tattooed on her flank.
She seemed to be aware of his presence as well, obviously speechless, with her snout wide open in shock. Now that was a doozy! Next thing you know the equine screamed at him in a deafening way:

“AAAAAAAAAH! THE CREATURE CAME INTO MY ROOOOOOOOM!”

/nearby, out in the hall/

“I’m telling you buddies! We’ll be Royal guards in no time! Just stick with me, I know the head honcho around here! We’re like real tight!” A vegetable green unicorn colt bragged as him and his friends were trotting down, after a long and hard lecture in tactics.

They were all unicorn royal guard trainees, dreaming of the day they would graduate and get all the privileges of being a keeper of the law and order in the palace, the very elite. And all the mares they would get!

But all that had to wait as a scream was heard from Princess Luna’s dorm.

“Shiver me timbers! That sounds like Princess Luna in distress! What should we do lads?” A patch eyed trainee called out, all panicky.

“Quite obvious, actually! We gallop to her rescue!” The green bragster proclaimed in a very corny way, dashing for it.
Everypony else followed, except one that questioned his command.

“But shouldn’t we call actual royal guards? We’re still just trainees!” The male in question asked, but after he received no reply, he decided to go and call for back up himself.

Back at the ruler’s bedroom, both homo sapiens and Alicornus Equidae had gone silent, sizing each other out. By her height Ivan judged her almost as tall as himself, not to mention she looked like a cutesy wootsey talking animal as if taken out of a kids show.

“Where am I? How did I get here? Who and what are you?” The young man looked in all directions frantically, confused, frightened, wanting answers.

“Uuuh… I’m terribly sorry, uuuh, sir! But I seem to have accidentally teleported thou to my home of Equestria! Thou art in the royal palace, situated in the city of Canterlot! I am princess Luna, Mistress of the night! As to my species, I am reffered to as an allicorn!” The mare tried her best to come up with a precise, short and exact explanation of the situation.

“You gotta be kiddin meh! I get separated from my world by a talking Unicorn, Pegasus female thingy who also happens to be both a princess and a sorceress!” Ivan face-slapped himself at this ridiculous pinch he had just gotten himself into.

“I didn’t do it on purpose! Besides, thou ist to blame for not paying attention and stepping through the portal!” Luna attempted to defend herself.

“Well excuuuuuuse me princess! Whose idea was it to open up this enchanted wormhole in the first place?” Explanations turned into arguments.

All of a sudden, the trainees appeared surrounding the human.

“A monster? Just as I thought! You dare attack our beloved princess! We the Royal guards in training shall not stand for this! Capture him and put him in the dungeon!” Their green boastful leader overdramatized every single word and reaction before pointing his hoof, giving the signal for the rest of his squad to follow his order.

“No, thou don’t understandest! Tiz all my fault! He’s just an innocent creature I conjured up from another dimension!” The co-ruler of Equestria cried out but was left unheard as the armored colts pushed her back for safety reasons, leaving her outside, telling her to contact her sister.

“Now just stay there and let us catch you! If you don’t struggle we’ll get you a good cell!” The law ponies made their “reasonable request”.

“Cell? Dungeon? Oh, no! I’m not gonna let a bunch of talking horses lock me away to rot because of some made up charges!” The out-worlder refused, clenching his fist “You have to fight me first!” He turned sideways, striking a battle pose, prancing on his tippy-toes for more maneuverability, which activated Kenshiro's theme from Hokuto no Ken. “2... 4... 5…Yeah, I can take ya!”

Some of the trainees were reluctant to enter battle so soon, since they never experienced that kind of situation before, but with a little push from their leader, one of them decided to charge the so called monster. That was a bad move, for when the equine soldier got in reach, Ivan kicked it in the lower jaw, forcefully lifting it up on his hind feet, and then boxed him in the face with a right cross. All his pals, indignant by this creature’s brutal ways, charged him in a frenzy. Using the momentum, the human jumped, putting his hand on the back of one of the unicorns as a support, shooting himself up in the air, twirling around like a screw, then landed behind another and did a low sweep kick, which made it stumble and slide crash into the others.

“You beast, take that!” A random guard swung his enchanted blade.

Ivan had to dodge but he wasn’t fast enough for his sweater and t-shirt under it got shredded and ruined thus he had to remove them. Now they could see his upper body physique, which even though not very beefy, it still had a good build, with some good abs, a bit of chest muscles, some well formed shoulders, triceps, biceps and forearms.

“Sweet Celestia, he even has the build of a monster!” The green leader gasped.

“Shut up! Who you calling a monster! I’m just defending myself!” The homo sapiens was starting to get very irritated.

He threw a corkscrew punch, twisting his entire arm to increase the force. It collided directly with a pony in midair that was trying to jump on him and bring him down.

“Wooo Ooooooh! Hundred Crack first, GO! ATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATATATAAAA! WATAAAAAA!’ The human also had to do a barrel of fast Wing Chun punches (elbows close to the sides), stooping down to the whimsical creatures level.

And this was just the first 2 minutes! Being sick of the pain, three of the wanna-be guards roped him in order to subdue this troublemaker.

“Gggh! Gyiiiiiiiih! Darn this magic!” Ivan struggled.

Then he noticed that the ropes weren’t that tight. Sloppy work no doubt! If he could force it, then maybe he would be able to widen the snare and get loose.

“You really think these flimsy strings can hold me? I’m stronger than you think!” The hairless being smirked.

Then he started screaming as if he was powering up.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” The fighter’s muscles tensed up, trying to loosen his bonds.

The unicorns shuddered with intimidation. No way, this creature was that powerful to break free from their hold. They were just staring that him, with their jaws and eyes wide open, forgetting to tighten their ropes in order to render his attempts futile. That of course helped bring out the illusion, as through sheer muscle power, the human broke free. The colts backed away in fear, for they were newbies that had never dealt with the art of deceit. Just when Ivan was starting to think he could get away, the expected back up finally arrived, surrounding him in a thick ring of equine authority.

“By order of princess Celestia, we order you to give yourself up!” The captain of the guards spoke, demanding compliance.

The dude looked around. There was no way out! Beads of sweat started to run down his entire body. He couldn’t beat them all. And these guys looked more experienced compared to the klutzy five he fought just now. What to do? Should he try to bluff them as well? But what if they don’t buy it? Well… desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Hold it right there!” The cornered being reached his hand forth menacingly, reaching for something in his pocket.

It was a sphere that produced blinding light. A friend of his gave it to him as a gift to use it anytime he found himself in a tight spot. Well, now was the time to use it! He lowered his stance, and cupped his hands, hiding the ball.

“I’m warning you! If you don’t let me go, I’ll blow this place to smithereens! This stance which I took now is called “The Kamehameha wave“ stance! By the time I yell the last syllable of the word “Kamehameha”, you better clear out, or I’ll unleash upon you a massive energy beam that can blow up this entire palace SKY HIGH!” Ivan threatened, hoping this crazy plan would work.

Everypony seemed to believe him as they gasped with one voice at the declaration. They backed off a little but stood their ground.

“He’s bluffing! There’s no way he could do that… could he?” The green colt called out again.

“Oh, am I? Okay, then! If you wanna try me, then by George, I’ll accept your dare!” He put on a fake smirk and tightened his stance.

‘KAAAAAAAAAAAAA…MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…” The Dragon Ball Zee poser commenced chanting the famous anime line, putting on his best act “HAAAAAAAAA…MMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!” he pushed a button, making the device he was holding emit a soft light.

The soldiers were baffled and terrified when they saw that glow. This definitely wasn’t a bluff by what they saw.

“Hold your positions! We are royal guards!” The captain’s voice trembled.

“You doomed us all!” A horrified colt cried out.

‘HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” The anime-lover thrust his hands forward, clicking the button again, and a bright, blinding light then shone out of his hands.

Everything went bright and white! Nobody even heard the human trying to get out the door, nor did they hear glass breaking. Everypony was holding their eyes closed and yelling in blind fear that they were dying.

“I’m dying! Nooooo, I’m dying... Wait no I’m not!” A dumb pony writhed and overdramatized when it suddenly stood up and noticed everything was actually fine.

/out on the balcony/

Ivan walked around in circles, wondering where to go to now. He was stuck on the balcony, which was the only way out of that infernal war zone called a royal bedroom. There was no way to climb to a nearby window or balcony since there were none close by. Approaching the oval shaped marble parapet the fugitive looked down. Man was that high! He knew it was either jumping down and meeting his maker or handing himself over.

“Oooooooh! Why did this room have to be on the 30th floor!” The college student muttered in frustration, pulling on his hair.

Just then he saw a band of pegasi, flying by bellow. They stopped advancing, staying in midair. There was some sort of instructor pony telling them things.

Just when another crazy idea crossed the dude’s mind, the guards found him.

“It’s over! You have nowhere to run!” The captain made things clear.

“Y-y you’ll never take me alive!” The young man spontaneously decided to risk it all and charged at the wall of equines.

They prepared for impact but for their surprise, once he got close, the alien just took a u-turn and dashed for end of the balcony.

“NO DON’T!” Princess Luna suddenly appeared along with Celestia by her side, being the witness of this spectacle.

“GERONIMOOOoooo!” was only heard as the student plunged down and disappeared from sight.

/20 floors below/

“Now team, as you all know there is a difference between being a good flyer and a Great Flyer! And that is…” The wonderbolts’ trainer kept prattling on and on about stuff they already knew.

“Gee Spitfire, this boring old speech sure is making me hungry!” Soarin rubbed his tummy with his back hoof.

*sigh* same old Soarin! Always thinking with his stomach! When is he gonna learn that all those extra pounds slow him down. He always feels sick, flying at incredible speeds right after he just stuffed himself, Spitfire thought annoyed at this daily routine that served her the same dish, every single day. When is something exciting gonna happen? Can’t a girl have any fun?

But as the old saying goes “Be careful what you wish for!” once she wished for excitement, that’s what the filly got.
A voice was heard from above, coming closer and louder with time.

“I’m gonna dieeeeeee! This waS A BIG FAT MISTAAAAAAAAKE!” and following the sound, came a blur of beige, green and brown that fell on the fiery maned female, dragging her down with it.

Ivan clung on the first thing he could grab. Оnce he reached the flying circus of ponies that were wearing some sort of blue superhero costumes, the human frantically spread his arms, grasping something blue with very bushy orange hair. It was a Pegasus as he had hoped. The talking animal squealed in alarm when the Bulgarian wrapped himself around its small body like an overgrown baby monkey on his mama’s back.

“Aaaaaaaah! What the hаy? Get off of me you bald… thing!” The pony shrieked angrily.

“I’m sorry but if I do, I die! Now please flap your wings I beg of you!” The “bald monkey thing” wasted no time.

When they saw that the land was getting closer they both squalled again.

“AAAAAAAAAAH! FLY DARN IT! FLAP YOUR LITTLE WINGS! FLAP THEM, FLAP THEM, FLAP THEM FOR THE LOVE OF GO-O-OOOD!” The man comically gestured by flapping his hands as if they were wings, while still holding a firm grip using
his legs.

Out of instinct Spitfire obeyed flapping her flying attributes as hard as she could. It gradually decreased the speed of falling but it didn’t stop it. They broke right through the wooden roof of a very swanky barn, where they fell on a pile of hay.

“Am I dead yet?” Ivan removed his hands covering his face in hopelessness “I’m…alive and well! Hurray! I escaped certain death!” He rejoiced, lifting his fists in the air triumphal but then remembered something “Uh-oh… Oh no! Did I kill it?” the student removed his rump from the flattened equine and poked it. It didn’t seem to move. “I’M AN ANIMAL KILLER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Mourning Sorrow took over the guy's heart, starting to shed tears when he heard a groan.

The furry little thing was still alive, even though half-conscious. Good thing he weighed a mere 132 pounds. Ivan lifted its big disproportionate head and kissed it.

“Thank you for saving me, dear… whatever-your-name-is! I’m sorry for using you as a parachute-pillow to cushion my fall but I had no other option! Now if excuse me… Sayonara! I hope you recover quick!” The awkward man left the building with guilt in his gut but also relief that he was okay.

But all the worries and trouble weren’t behind him yet. The fleeing fugitive had short time to escape from this crazy place. First things first, he had to find the market place. It’s probably the most crowded area in town in this time of day. It was noon judging by the sun standing right above his head. And the authorities will find it quite the task to find him among so many of their civilians.

So Ivan ran like crazy. Everypony was giving him looks as the guy passed through, with astonishment written on their faces. That was natural! He wasn’t from here, what did he expect? The fugitve then thought of asking for directions. It was quite difficult to get some answers the polite way, because every time he did, they just looked at him and walked away disturbed and all. Well the time to be polite was over!

“How can I get to the market?” The out-worlder asked a pony with a brilliant azure coat and a pale cornflower blue mane.

“How dare you speak that way to the Great and powerful Trixie?” The mare huffed and lifted up her nose. She was wearing a magician’s outfit for some reason.

“I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! MARKETPLACE, NOW!” The pressured human snapped, pointing at her with his index finger.

Thunderstruck, Trixie pointed her hoof in some direction, and the fugitive was gone. With his arrival at the market, Ivan started thinking: if he was running away in a foreign land he had to gather some stuff up first; that meant he had to resource to stealing. Our homo sapiens character had never stolen anything in his life before but when you’re in his shoes you have to do it or you won’t make it far. Soon there were lots of angry sales clerk ponies after him, with their loud voices, demanding their stock to be returned. Our guy had swiped the largest blanket he could get, a pony mask, a fake tail, a map of the surrounding terrain and a sack of vegetables all essential if he could only get out of this city.

The guards appeared too, joining the small angry mob, looking around in every corner. They lost sight of him on the next turn, so they started to check the establishments. A little bit after they had passed, Ivan popped his head out of a barrel relieved. Who knew running from the law of this world would prove to be such a task. They’re talking ponies for Pete sake! Well, at least the chase was put on hold… for now.

“In the name of Celestia what is this thing doing in those empty barrels? An exotic creature escaped from the palace zoo probably?” A sophisticated looking horse by the name of Fancy Pants eyed the human with curiosity.

Oh boy! It was time to bail.

“How could have I forgotten to put on my disguise?” The man ran in a lonely alley, put on his mask, stood on his fours, tossed the blanket over himself and pinned the tail on the backside.

Now that nobody else wasn't staring at him anymore, it was a good idea to leave town unnoticed.

Alas, it was never meant to be this easy. After a mere three minutes a royal guard stopped him for a few questions.

“Excuse me sir! Have you seen a bald monkey like monster around here?” The law pony questioned.

“Why, no officer! That would be just silly! Whoever heard of a bald monkey, running around Canterlot?” The pony in disguise talked back without moving its lips.

Checking out his queer and miserable appearance, the representative of the authority thought something seemed suspicious.

“Do you have your documents for living in Canterlot! You don’t seem to be around here, so you should have a permit!”

“Why I do have it! It’s right here! Look!” The mysterious character made the pony soldier lean down, only to get ko'ed by an uppercut that came from under the cover.

This attracted the attention of other armored stallions as they approached him. It was hard enough running with his two own feet! Now he had to do it on all fours. How do animals do it?

The masked guy entered a clothes boutique and hid between the clothes ever so subtly. The long hoof of the law scoured it, interrogated some of the customers, then left, for the human’s Great relief. But when he peeped out of the stack of garments, his mask fell off, and gave him away.

“EEEEEEEEE! IT’S THE HIDEOUS CREATURE THAT THE GUARDS SPOKE OF!” A hooved lady bawled.

“Who you callin hideous? You ain’t no vision of loveliness either?” Ivan retorted.

He wondered why these ponies were so mean and rude to anything and anyone that looked different. But that had to wait. The lad made up his mind, that he wasn’t stopping until he exited this here settlement and no…pony he guessed… was gonna stop him! It’s do or die!

So the escapee picked up speed and made like a motor. Every kind of those critters were right on his tracks now: Pegasuseseses, Unicorns, ponies with no horns or wings.

The pursued finally got close to the front wooden bridge gate. They were just about to close it too, when the human jumped for it. He didn’t make the jump, so the student fell into the river below.

“He fell in the river! Send a team to search it!” A Sergeant Major pony ordered, as a couple of earth pony soldiers dived in.
/meanwhile back at the palace/

“Sister I demand an explanation!” A furious Luna stomped on a wanted poster with her hoof.

“Calm down Luna! I do this for the alien creature’s own good!” Celestia briefly responded, while ordering the rest of these be delivered to every city, town and village stationed around Canterlot.

“This creature is not a monster nor is it a criminal to be hunted down!”

“I know it’s hard for you since you made a little mistake but I must ensure the safety of my people!”

“He is not dangerous! He is just a misunderstood creature who is frightened and confused! It was only defending itself against the guards who hastily rushed in and forced it to fight and run away!”

“I know! But all the better to find it and send it back where it came from! Now what do you think would be best for you if you were in his horse shoes? Do you think you should wander around a land you don’t know or return to the safety of your home as soon as possible?”

“Just promise you won’t send it to the dungeon unless it did something really inexcusable!” The dark blue mare’s eyes reflected her solicitude.

“I promise!” The ruler of Equestria spread her wing and sheltered her little sibling under it before giving another order. “Commander Storm cloud!”

“Yes you majesty!” A hard boiled piece of male ponidom suited in black armor appeared.

“Make sure you do not harm the creature in any way, once found! It is to be treated as a guest of Equestria that has lost its way! That is a direct order from us both!” The white Alicorn specified.

As the two regal monarchs left the scene, our attention shifts to the “wanted poster” which had a picture of our character with a ferocious screaming face, in a battle stance (thanks to the trainees who were the ones to describe it). It read “Wanted, alive and in good condition, a missing foreign creature. Even though dangerous looking, it is harmless. If you see it or happen to hear information about it, please report to your local law enforcement center, or send a letter. Do not try to
confront it, for it is very easily frightened!

By order of the two princesses,

Celestia and Luna”

/in a forest near the city/

Ivan was lying on a flatstone in a forest. Once he ditched the chasing party, the man stopped at the first clearing he could locate. He was reading the water proof parchment and scoping out where he was and where he could go from here. In the nude! Yes, his pants, blanket and underwear were wet from the river, so the dude had to hang them up some branches to dry in the sun. He doubted anybody could see him so it was okay. The sun was warm anyways! The map showed off all the areas around this city of Can-ter-lot as it read. His food was still good but it could only last for a day and a half at this rate. Where could he go? The college student knew they were gonna warn the nearby villages, but what choice did he have. He knew he had to risk it, and go stealthy by going into a village during the night for some more stuff, then get out. Hmmmmmm… which one was the closest?

/three days later/

“Tralalalalalalaaaaa!” A cute yellow pony, with a soft pink mane and a butterfly cutie mark carried her basket to a nearby flower patch, to pick some beautiful begonias.

Then she saw something that frightened her. The equine looked up.

“Eeep!” The filly thought she saw something staring at her from the forest. But there was nothing there!

“Oh, Fluttershy, you’re starting to see things! Creatures from the Everfree forest never come out in the open like that! I better hurry to Rarity’s! She said she needs these flowers for her latest work!” the peace loving girl brushed off her thoughts and decided to head for her friend’s place.

Poor thing didn’t know that what she thought she saw staring at her from the entrance of the Everfree forest came out as soon as she departed and started following her.

Fluttershy found Rarity finishing up her latest dress… with an unsatisfied Twilight as her model. All the needle pinching and standing still made the purple mare go nuts.

“Please finish up Rarity! I have to… uuuh… go and study or something! Yeah and I have to feed Spike too!” miss Sparkle clopped on the floor impatiently.

“I’m almost fini Twilight darling! Oh Fluttershy! I see you’re here with the begonias I so need! Please put them in that vase over there on the cupboard! I need them as an example to make some paper replicas! And they would definitely freshen up
my work place! ” The white diva of diamonds and fashion waved to her friend, still dilly dallying on last details of the dress.

“Good day Rarity and Twilight, I’ll just leave these and I’ll be on my way!” The lovely voiced stare master did as she was told and was just about to leave when a cute little white unicorn with pink/purple mane shouted.

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PAPER FLOWER MAKER!”

“Oh, no! Fluttershyyyyyy! Sorry to ask you like this but do be a dear and catch Sweetie Bell before she makes a mess of things” Rarity asked politely.

“sigh… okay. I’ll try… Sweetie Bell, put these flowers back where I left them! Umm… please” The Pegasus flew after the tiny filly that was jumping around and knocking down stuff, while holding the plants in her mouth and giggling.

/somewhere outside town/

It has been three days of endless walking. Sleeping on threes each night was uncomfortable and freezing! Not to mention that he had no clothes from the waist up and that blanket was not thick enough to keep him warm! His food ran out and he couldn’t find anything edible in this entire labyrinth of green. The runaway alien dipped himself in some lakes to wash himself but the water was cold as well. All Ivan could do is wash his face and hands and drink.

Once the human reached the end of the forest and saw a pony, he was relieved yet wary. He hoped she hadn’t seen him follow her to the entrance of the city. Now hiding up another tree near the lake, the Earther was going to wait until it was night so he could get some stuff. Now that things have gone a little quieter and he was no longer running for now, it made him think… what now? Was he going to keep running forever? How can a guy live such a life! It all seemed like a dead end street! Either that or be caught and thrown in pony prison! The beds and toilets were probably gonna be too small, and it would be smelly, and… uuuuurgh… No matter! Ivan was gonna wait for night to fall, for every living thing to go to sleep then he’ll decide what to do.

As night fell, the bandit like being got down from his hiding place and proceeded scouting the town. He tried the doors but many of them were locked. But for his luck, one of those equines had forgotten to do so, as he entered something that looked like a dress shop. Why would ponies need dresses? All of them already went in the nude… although the human saw some wearing clothes when he was running the streets of Canterlot. Well… he rallied up some nice and thick blue fabric, some thread, needle and a pair of scissors. Next the college student found a barn of some pony ranch (seriously, horses owning a ranch) filled with apples. He got as many as he could carry in his sack and a small pail for water to fill up later.

By the time Ivan got back to town a couple of hours had passed. It was so very late. He still didn’t know what to do next. The man was so… very… tired! Thinking it was best to sleep somewhere where nopony could find him and think over his actions tomorrow morning, the guy encountered a large tree in the middle of town and decided that it’d suit him just fine. He was used to it anyways.

So, the fugitive got up its big stalk, lay down his body on a nice soft leafy branch, tucked himself in with the blanket, used the stolen fabric as a mattress and fell asleep quickly. As we all know this wasn’t a regular three. The human missed to notice due to the cover of darkness that this was a home with windows and a door. It was also… a library…

Author’s notes: Muaaaaaaahahahahaahahahahahahah! I’m so evil! I definitely gonna portrait Ivan’s miserable situation even deeper in the next chapters.

I hope you forgive my many mistakes and plotholes. This is just a random story as the title says that I did on impulse. Hope you enjoyed it… its gonna get even freakier from here on out… then its gonna calm down a little… then again hype up… hope you like the anime references… that Kamehameha was more like a Solar Flare judging by its effects!
Also Sorry about the guard ponies reacting that way to Ivan. I just wanted to create the atmosphere of the pressure a human would feel in a new world, as a fugitive. Besides it’s the trainee guard ponies fault! They’re just a bunch of idiots who jumped into conclusions and blamed him for all sorts of stuff!
Don’t forget to write comments if you like it!