...Or What?

by Masterweaver

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Gummy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1475

"So, um, do we walk back up the slide or... or what?" And with that the ponies began their trek through Pinkie's party cave...

"So, um, do we walk back up the slide or... or what?"

And with that the ponies began their trek through Pinkie's party cave...

Published 2015-06-29 21:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-29 21:10:02 UTC

Or what, indeed...

"So, um, do we walk back up the slide or... or what?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Of course we don't walk back up the slide, Fluttershy! It's far too slippery for any of us to get a good grip, and we can't open the trapdoor from this side."

"Yeah, about that..." Rainbow Dash frowned, flying up to the trapdoor. "Isn't Pinkie's room in, like, the attic of sugarcube corner? You know, in the big cupcake tower?"

"Actually, she has two rooms, remember? The upstairs one and the one in the back." Twilight frowned, tapping her chin. "Although, to be fair, I'm pretty sure that the one in the back is a guest bedroom that she just sleeps in sometimes--"

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just saying... if the top of this slide is under Pinkie's bedroom, how come the bottom is in a cave?"

The assembled ponies all paused for a moment, looking around them with some confusion. True, there were the filing cabinets in which Pinkie had put her party files, as well as the balloons and other various paraphernalia associated with her special talent littered about the space, but when it came right down to it there was a serious lack of... well, construction. Even the disco balls dangled from what could only be called a roof because it happened to be above them.

"That... that's actually a good question," Twilight replied with a frown. "I mean, it would have to go through two straight floors of the building, plus however much it took to get here. I guess I'll have to poke around sugarcube corner when we get out?"

"Yeah, about that Twi..." Applejack glance around nervously. "Just... how are ya plannin' ta get us all out of here?"

"Oh, I was thinking a little mass teleport couldn't hurt. One simple spell, and we'd be out faster than you could say GAH GUMMY DON'T LICK MY EYE!"

The alligator in question was catapulted through the air, landing on a desk with a small rattle. He rolled over and gave Twilight a contemplative look. Or perhaps an annoyed one. Maybe he was just looking at her while blinking slowly, it was rather difficult to read.

Unlike the large warning sign bolted to the wall behind him, which blared "DELICATE PARTY MACHINERY: ABSOLUTELY NO MAGIC!" in bold red letters and added "Yes Twilight, that means you too," underneath in a much friendlier blue.

"Huh." Rarity tilted her head. "You know, I've heard stories about signs that actually spoke, but up until today I didn't think they existed."

"DELICATE PARTY MACHINERY: ABSOLUTELY NO MAGIC!"

"Yes, darling, we heard you the first time."

"I know, I'm just doing my job."

Twilight stared at the sign for a moment. Then she snapped her wings shut. "You know what? I'm not even going to question it. Magic is off the table for now, because a talking sign in Pinkie's secret cave under the trapdoor in her second floor bedroom told us so." She smiled, the curl of her lips twitching for a second or two. "You know, it might have been nice for Pinkie to actually help us get out before she went off to deal with the yaks, but I can't really blame her because the thing with the Yaks is important--"

A small translucent canister shot out of the unlit back portion of the room, bouncing against the ceiling before rolling to a stop next to Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus picked it up warily, peering at the contents within. "It... looks like a letter. Should I open this?"

Rainbow sighed, gliding down. "It's not like we have any other ideas."

Fluttershy gulped, unscrewing the lid and tilting the canister out onto her hoof. "Oh, it's from Pinkie. Um, 'Hello everypony, I'm sorry for leaving you all behind, but I had to go negotiate with the sheep to block the train ASAP. By the way Twilight, you need to pass some laws giving sheep three times as much for their wool as they're being paid now--'"

"WHAT?!" cried Rarity and Applejack.

"'--or failing that grant scholarships to some of them.'"

The farm mare groaned. "Me and Pinkie are going ta have a long talk when things are all said and done..."

"I have a hard enough time purchasing fabric as is!" Rarity complained. "This is the third time this year they've upped the price!"

"'Anyway,'" Fluttershy continued, "'I'm really busy prepping the Yak's party and I can't lead you out myself. Gummy knows the way though. Just follow him and you should be fine. Lotsa love, Pinkie Pie.'" She rolled up the letter. "Well, that was... something. Um, Gummy?"

The ponies looked around for the alligator, only to find he had moved near the dark end.

"...how'd he get there so fast?" Rainbow managed. "Did anypony see him get off the desk?"

Fluttershy gave Rainbow a flat look.

"Right, Pinkie Pie's pet. Shouldn't question it."

Fluttershy gave her a firm nod. Then she turned back to the alligator. "Gummy? Would you be a dear and show us the way out?"

Gummy blinked one eye slowly. The other followed suit. He flicked his tail, ricocheting a rock off a filing cabinet, a balloon, Rarity's horn, and a disco ball to hit a small button hidden in the wall behind Applejack. A floodlight snapped on behind him, and he trotted onto what seemed like an industrial elevator.

The ponies stared for a moment, Rarity Gingerly rubbing her horn.

"...She has an elevator down here." Twilight stepped forward nervously. "Girls... an elevator."

"Does that mean that there are... more floors to this party cave?" Rarity managed.

Applejack gulped. "Ah am suddenly terrified beyond all rational thought."

"W-Well," Rainbow Dash insisted, "it's either get on the elevator o-or stay here!"

"Well, I wouldn't mind you staying. You're the first guests Pinkie's had over in a long while!"

The ponies all stared at the talking sign.

They shared a look.

They galloped onto the elevator, Rainbow pulling the lever that sent them hurtling down. The sign sighed. "Oh well. At least I still have you, miss Disco Ball."

"Yeah, tough break kid."

Pinkie had just managed to finish setting up the balloon stall when five frazzled fillies fwumped into the ground next to her. "Oh hey girls! You made it early, I've still got two or three more things to set up!"

Fluttershy rose her head warily. "Pinkie... are you aware that you have an endngered species in your basement?"

"What? No, I didn't know about that!"

"Balloon Spiders, Pinkie! They were almost harvested to extinction, and you have a few thousand!"

"Twenty nine thousand six hundred forty seven, to be precise. I feed them every night, and they give me their balloons in return!"

"That is... the largest population I have ever heard of," the pegasus mumbled, standing up.

"It wasn't the balloon spiders that got to me," Rarity said as she stood, although she did shiver. "It was the room of party history. All those jester costumes.... all that motley..." Her eyes narrowed to pinpricks. "The colors... the clashing colors..."

"Partying wasn't always as easy a business as it is now," Pinkie agreed somberly.

Applejack frowned as she dusted herself up. "What Ah wanna know is exactly what was goin' on in that room of blinkin' lights with them metal arms!"

"Oh yeah! I've had this crazy idea about building a brain out of rocks, that's actually my most recent attempt--"

"Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow grabbed her friend's cheeks, a maniac grin plastered on her face. "Why didn't you tell me you had a cannon that could launch you anywhere in Ponyville?! Do you know how awesome that is?!"

"It used to be an underground railroad, but I had to downsize because of my budget."

Twilight shook the dirt out of her wings. "I'm honestly quite concerned that this whole network is beneath Ponyville. Maybe I should tell the mayor--!"

"NO!" Pinkie jumped and pinned her down. "I've spent years keeping that all secret from the bill collectors," she whispered harshly. "Do you know how much debt the mayor could slap on me?"

Twilight blinked for a moment. "You're... you're skimping out on taxes?"

"Shhh! Do you want everypony to hear?!"

"...you know, I am a princess. Technically speaking, I could bring you in for this."

"And technically speaking, I know where you live and can bake twenty four quesadillas a minute."

Twilight grinned broadly and gulped. "Party cave, what party cave? I'm more worried about the yaks than any theoretical party cave which may or may not exist?!"

Pinkie grinned right back, stepping off her. "Then have I got good news for you! The yaks are waiting for us at the train station. Let's go!"

Author's Note

Awwww, they missed the room with the Pinkiemobile.