Tea Lessons (Derpy's Date)

by Kyoko

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Doctor Whooves, Trixie, Octavia
Length: 1033

Octavia is teaching Derpy proper tea etiquette... But then Trixie comes along and tries to help.

Derpy is getting ready for a date with The Doctor and her good friend Octavia is helping her with it. Of course, everything is going wrong until Trixie comes along! Because after Trixie comes along... It gets worse.
>Note: Like my more recent fics, this is part of /oat/'s randomness and is just a non-serious one-shot.

Published 2012-05-22 09:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-22 09:54:02 UTC

Tea Lessons

"No no no, you're doing it wrong."

As another piece of fine china fell to the floor, Octavia facehooved. They had been here for three hours and her student was not making any progress whatsoever.

"Oops. Sorry..." The pegasus trailed off, the floor below her chair now littered with the smashed remnants of her cups. Octavia made a mental note to order more cups, charged to her mother, of course.

"Now, miss Hooves... How are you expecting to woo this 'Doctor' of yours if you do not show proper etiquette?" Ocatvia politely asked the mare. Ever since moving to Ponyville, Octavia had taken pride in being the most sophisticated pony in town. She was beginning to regret this, though.

"Sorry Octi..." Derpy said, her golden eyes focusing on the mare and the teapot at the same time... Or at least it looked like it.

Octavia sighed and picked up another cup. "You've got to hold it tight enough so it doesn't fall. Like so." he effortlessly picked up the cup. "Now, you have a go."

Trixie strut through town, passing everypony with her muzzle high in the air. She thought she was better than everypony, for she was great and powerful. She did not even look at the library; it did not deserve her attention.

"BY CELESTIA! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THAT TIGHT!" A voice screamed, loud enough to faze the great and powerful one outside. Trixie directed her attention to the house from which the cry had originated and peeked in a window.

Inside the window, she saw two ponies. Both of whom donned a grey coat yet it seemed that this was the only similarity the two had. One was crying, her tears a waterfall. Trixie noticed that this one had some china implanted in her forehoof, and was bleeding.

The other pony calmed down and brushed her black mane back. "I'm sorry miss Hooves. I didn't mean to snap at you." She confessed, grabbing a first aid kit from the beige wall nearby and beginning to tend to the wounded.

Trixie knew when she was needed! Or at least, knew when she thought she knew she was needed. She charged around the house, opening the door and leaping into the kitchen.

"Never fear, Trixie is here!" She stood proudly in the doorway, basking in the glory she believed she deserved so dearly. "Trixie shall help you!" She cried out in a gallant voice.

To her surprise, Derpy cried more and more, falling into the embrace of the posh one. Octavia shot a stern look at the braggart and posed to her, "Trixie, unless you know anything about tea, I recommend you leave."

Trixie brushed her mane back and gave a snide smile. "Of course Trixie knows about the art of tea, she once dated a gambler from Trottinghamshire." She called out, magically preparing the pot for the threesome.

Octavia became a little glad that there was somepony in this town able to brew up a pot, but she was still a little annoyed at the misplaced sense of self-worth that Trixie had laced around herself.

"Octi... Trixie is mean..." Derpy sniffed, her tears lessening as she did so.

"Trixie is sorry for her lies before." The showmare admitted, she was sincere about this yet nopony believed her. "Trixie will try to make it better, she promises."

She served up the tea and took up a chair. Octavia finished treating the hood and sat down, taking a sip of the fine rosy as she did so.

"Miss Trixie, I am trying to teach this mare the proper etiquette for drinking tea. She has a date with a doctor and he apparently loves tea." She took another sip, her plummy voice majesty. "Unfortunately, this is harder than when I convinced my room-mate to stop cleaning the dishes with 'Wubs.'"

Trixie smiled. "This is perfect; Trixie knows how to teach anything. Let me show you..."

Three hours and 15 broken cups later, the showmare could feel her rage boiling up inside of her. Derpy now had three bandaged hooves and Octavia was slamming her head on the table in desperation.

"Well, Trixie shall never give up! No matter the odds!" She was not going to admit defeat, not even if everything seemed helpless.

"We're almost out of cups. Face it, it's impossible." The Canterlotian cried, downing a third glass of Firewhiskey. "We're doomed."

Trixie stood up tall, "We're never doomed! Not as long as we keep trying!" She went to pour another cup of tea, but ran out of magical strength partway and dropped the apparatus.

The kettle somehow began to catch alight, the side of the house now glowing in flames. The two responsible mares dashed up, both tripping over themselves and landing in a heap by the wall.

"Bloody hell! What the devil's going on here?" A brown stallion cried out from the doorway, grabbing a fire extinguisher and dousing the flames.

"Thank you mister." The two mares called out from the heap, utterly exhausted from the ordeal.

"No problem," He looked around and saw the pegasus across the room. "Ah, Derpy, I wondered where you were. Are you ready for our date?" He asked, putting the extinguisher on the table in front of him.

The two mares silently watched as The Doctor and miss hooves left the room. They stood up and looked at the mess that was Octavia's kitchen. Trixie looked at Octavia apologetically.

"Trixie is sorry." She said.

"Don't be," Octavia responded, "I am sorry for wasting your time."

The two cleaned up the mess and sat down, serving up one final round of tea for the both of them. As they drank, they told tales to one another.

"By the way, Trixie, that was the mailmare." Octavia calmly said to her companion.

Trixie looked shocked. "Remind Trixie not to write many letters." She responded, a little worried about the birthday present she had ordered a few days ago.

Octavia nodded. "Indeed. I got myself a crow to deliver the mail for me. Much more reliable."

The two shared a laugh, now both slightly drunk. They chatted their troubles away as friends and neighbours.