Steel Ponies

by totallynotabrony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Nightmare Moon
Length: 2724

What if the Mane 6 were motorcycles?

What if the Mane 6 were motorcycles?

Published 2012-05-22 10:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-22 10:24:01 UTC

Story

“You really should be making some friends, Twilight,” said Spike.

“Between overseeing preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration and researching Nightmare Moon, I don’t have time!” Twilight fretted.

“It doesn’t hurt to try,” said Spike. The small green and purple moped indicated an approaching pink motorcross bike. “Why don’t you give it a shot?”

The lavender Kawasaki Vulcan grumbled a little and checked to make sure her paint was spotless. A student of Princess Celestia should make a good impression. A Yamaha YZ250 with bright pink plastic and magenta number plates rolled to a stop in front of the two of them.

“Come on Twilight, just try,” said Spike.

“Um, hello,” said Twilight.

The dirtbike let out a surprised rev from her two-stroke engine and dashed away with a cloud of dust.

“Well, that was interesting, all right,” muttered Twilight. “Let’s get on with everything else.”

“First off, we have to make sure banquet preparations are underway,” Spike reminded her.

The two of them rolled out of town to Sweet Apple Refinery. Oil and gasoline were being produced to be catered to the Summer Sun Celebration.

“Yeeehaw!” called an orange Victory High-Ball with custom brown leather tooling as she went rumbling by, tending to the refinery equipment.

“Let’s get this over with,” said Twilight. “Good afternoon, my name is Twilight Sparkle—”

“Well howdy-do, Ms. Twilight. It’s a pleasure makin’ your acquaintance. Ah’m Applejack. We here at Sweet Apple sure do like makin’ new friends! So, what can Ah do for ya?”

“I’m here to oversee preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration,” said Twilight. “I understand that you’re in charge of the fuel?”

“We sure are,” said Applejack. “Would ya like to sample some?”

“Well, I guess if it won’t take too long,” agreed Twilight.

"Let me introduce ya to my family." Applejack called and a huge crowd of motorcycles came rolling in. It almost made Twilight think that Bike Week had been relocated.

Applejack ran through a list of all her relatives. They all treated Twilight and Spike very well, almost too well. When the two of them finally managed to leave, Spike nearly had to help Twilight along.

“Ugh, too much,” she muttered. Her tank was filled to the brim with gasoline. It had all been very good, but she regretted not stopping when the pump clicked off.

“Next, we have to see about weather,” Spike said. “There’s supposed to be a sport bike named Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds.”

There were still several fluffy clouds dotting the air above the town.

“Well, she’s not doing a very good job, is she?” said Twilight.

A sky-blue Suzuki Hayabusa with multicolored stripes on her fenders roared past, driving through a mud puddle and drenching Twilight.

“Oops, sorry about that,” said the bike. “Let me help.” Her four-cyliner engine screamed towards redline and she spun around and headed for a ramp, soaring into the air and flying straight through a low-hanging cloud. Moisture rained down on Twilight, washing the mud off.

The multicolored motorcycle returned and drove in a fast, tight circle around Twilight, stirring up a wind storm that dried her off, but left her dazed.

“No need to thank me,” the sport bike said.

“Let me guess, you’re Rainbow Dash,” said Twilight.

“Yeah, have you heard of me?” asked Rainbow.

“I’ve heard you’re supposed to be keeping the sky clear!” Twilight said.

“Yeah, yeah, that’ll be a snap. I’ll do it just as soon as I’m done practicing,” said Rainbow dismissively.

“Practicing for what?” asked Twilight.

“The Wonderbolts!” exclaimed Rainbow. “They’re the best stunt team in the country! They’re going to perform at the Celebration tomorrow and I’m going to show them my stuff!”

“Please,” said Twilight. “They’d never accept a bike that can’t even keep the sky clear for one measly day.”

“Hey, I can do this in ten seconds flat!” said Rainbow. She revved her powerful engine and dropped the clutch, popping a wheelie and heading for another conveniently-placed ramp. The multicolored bike soared into the air, bursting several clouds apart before landing and making another high-flying pass. In not very long, the sky was indeed clear.

“What’d I say? Ten. Seconds. Flat.” Rainbow chuckled. “You should see how you look right now. You’re a laugh. I can’t wait to hang out with you some more.” She drove away.

Spike chuckled and followed Twilight over to the Town Garage to check on decorations. A white Honda Gold Wing with indigo accents was placing adornments all around for the Celebration.

“She’s beautiful!” gushed Spike. “How do I look? Are my spokes straight?”

Twilight went over to the cruiser bike. “How are the decorations going?”

“I’m almost finished,” the Honda told her. “Now, if you’ll—oh my! What happened to you?”

“It’s just a little dirt,” said Twilight.

“No, my dear, this simply cannot be allowed. Come over to my shop for a complete cleaning and detailing!”

It turned out to be a lot more complicated than that. The bike, who was named Rarity, was something of an expert on accessories. She had Twilight try out all manner of saddlebags, windshields, and other additions.

When Rarity left to get more bolt-ons from the back room, Twilight made a break for it. “Quick Spike! We have to go before she tries to give me a paint job or polish my chrome!”

Outside, Twilight remembered that the last thing to check was music. She encountered a pale yellow Vespa with pink trim who seemed to be handling it.

“Hello,” said Twilight.

The scooter did not respond and seemed rather shy.

“What’s your name?” Twilight tried.

The Vespa said something inaudible.

“I’m sorry what was that?” Twilight was beginning to realize that every bike in town had their own quirks.

After another moment of not getting an answer, Twilight said, “Um, keep up the good work." She turned to go.

“Oh my gosh, is that a baby moped?” The yellow bike came zipping over to look at Spike. “I’ve never seen one before. It’s just so incredibly wonderful, I just don’t know what to say!”

“Well, we should be going,” said Twilight.

“Wait, what’s his name?”

“I’m Spike,” said Twilight's small helper.

“Hi Spike. I’m Fluttershy,” the scooter told him. The two of them kept up a conversation all the way back to the library where Twilight was staying. The little bike had told her everything from when he was just a bucket of bolts, all the way up to that very day.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s time for Spike’s preventative maintenance right now, we have to go,” said Twilight.

“Oh you poor thing,” said Fluttershy. “Let’s get you inside.”

“Yes, yes, we’ll get right on that,” said Twilight. “Goodnight!”

"Jeeze Twilight, don't get your belt drive in a bind," muttered Spike once they were inside the darkened building.

“Sorry Spike,” said Twilight. "I just have to convince the Princess that Nightmare Moon is coming, and we don’t have time for a bunch of crazy bikes trying to make friends all the time.”

The lights flicked on. “Surprise!” dozens of motorcycles said.

The pink dirtbike from earlier came zooming over. “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were you? Huh?”

“Very surprised,” Twilight assured her.

“You see, you were all like ‘hello’ and I was all like ‘vroooom’ because I never saw you before, and if I never saw you before it means you’re new, and if you’re new you don’t know anybike, and if you don’t know anybike, you must be lonely, and I had this great idea which is why I went ‘vroooom’ so I threw you this great party so you could have fun and meet new bikes! And now you have lots and lots of friends!”

Twilight was not particularly pleased and retreated to another room. With the party going on, she was unable to research Nightmare Moon like she wanted to. She emptied her saddlebags of the resources that she'd brought and began to study.

A while later, Spike came in. “Hey Twilight, they're doing shots of high-octane out there and we’re just about to play 'pin the softail on the custom.’ What to join?”

“No!” shouted Twilight. “All the bikes in this town are crazy!”

“But it’s the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration,” said Spike. “We all have to stay up and wait for the sunrise.”

Twilight sighed. She had tried to find more information about the Elements of Harmony and how they were used to defeat Nightmare Moon, but had been unsuccessful. She followed Spike and the rest of the partiers over to the Town Garage in the predawn darkness.

“Isn’t this exciting?” said Pinkie. “Are you excited? I’m excited. I’ve never been so excited, well, except for that one time when I saw you coming into town and I went ‘vroooom’ but I mean, really, who can top that?”

The town Mayor made an introductory speech in preparation of the arrival of Princess Celestia. However, when the curtains were pulled aside, no such bike was behind them.

“This can’t be good,” said Twilight. She glanced out the window and saw the Motorcycle in the Moon disappear. A luminescent cloud wafted into the room. A chopper with a black paint job overlaid with blue ghost flames materialized where the Princess should have been.

“Nightmare Moon!” Twilight whispered.

“Hello my subjects, it’s been so long since I’ve seen your faces.” The evil bike’s voice was sleek and oily. Her unmuffled exhaust boomed loudly.

“What did you do with our Princess?” demanded Rainbow Dash. Applejack held her back from doing anything rash.

“Do you not recall the legend?” asked Nightmare Moon. “Did you not see the signs?”

“I did,” said Twilight. “I know who you are.”

“Well, well, one of you remembers me,” said the black bike. “Then you also know why I’m here.”

“You’re here to—to—”

Nightmare Moon laughed evilly. “Remember this day, little bikes, for it will be your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!” She roared out of the building dramatically.

Twilight rushed away to the library as fast as her v-twin engine could carry her. “Oh! How can I stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?”

“Just what are the Elements of Harmony?” demanded Rainbow Dash. “And how did you know about Nightmare Moon? Are you a spy?”

“Simmer down,” said Applejack. “She ain’t no spy, but she sure knows what’s going on.”

“The Elements are supposed to stop Nightmare Moon,” said Twilight. “But I don’t know what they are, where to find them, or what they do.”

“The Elements of Harmony, a Reference Guide,” Pinkie pointed out.

“How did you find this?” said Twilight, zooming over.

“It was under ‘E’,” said Pinkie happily.

“Okay,” said Twilight. “The Elements of Harmony are Kindness, Generosity, Honestly, Laughter, and Loyalty. The sixth Element is a mystery. Their last known location is the ancient castle of the pony sisters located in the Everfree Forest.”

The six bikes left the library and headed for the road. As it drew near the forest, the surface became rutted and rough.

“Wee! Let’s go!” said Pinkie.

“Thanks for the offer,” said Twilight, “but I’d really rather do this alone.”

“No can do, easy rider,” said Applejack. “We’re stickin’ to you like bug splats on a windshield.”

They slowly rolled into the forest on a narrow dirt path. “It looks dreadful in here,” said Rarity, carefully avoiding mud puddles.

“It ain’t natural,” added Applejack.

The bikes soon reached a precipice. The view was good, but there was no way to continue their path. Suddenly, the edge crumbled away, launching them down the slope.

Pinkie, with her off-road pedigree, easily negotiated the obstacle. Rainbow, used to dangerous stunts, also made it to the bottom without a problem. Fluttershy’s light weight gave her an advantage, and she too rolled down the hill without much trouble. Rarity was so obsessed with not getting dirty, that she somehow managed to make the trip unscathed through sheer force of will.

Twilight was left balancing precariously on the edge. Applejack slid to a stop beside her.

“How am I going to get down?” the lavender bike worried.

“Trust me on this,” said Applejack. “Let go of the front brakes and you’ll be fine.” She dropped over the edge and wound up at the bottom in one piece.

Twilight cautiously followed her down the steep incline, trusting the braking technique to work. She joined her friends and let out a sigh of relief.

The six of them set out again. Twilight watched as several more intense challenges were solved by her new friends’ unlikely abilities that, quite frankly, should have been beyond the capabilities of any motorcycle, or even a trike. They soon arrived at the old castle and went inside.

“Are these the Elements of Harmony?” wondered Twilight. There only seemed to be five of them. “Stand back, I’m going to try something, and I don’t know what will happen.”

“Come on now y’all, she needs to concentrate,” said Applejack. The other five bikes left Twilight alone.

As they rolled away, Nightmare Moon entered. Twilight attempted to stop the chopper from making off with the Elements. Both of them disappeared in a flash of light.

“Twilight!” chorused the other five bikes. They quickly dashed away to the castle tower and made for the ramp to the top. When they arrived, they found their friend squaring off with Nightmare Moon.

“The Elements of Harmony were right here the whole time!” said Twilight. She rattled off the list of things that her friends represented. “Once they all come together, all it takes is a spark to ignite the fires of friendship!”

"That's a fancy reference to internal combustion," noted the evil motorcycle, "but you'll need more than that to defeat me!"

A sudden brilliant light flooded into the room, powered by a rush of magic emanating from the Elements of Harmony. The friendly, crowd-pleasing colors wiped away Nightmare Moon’s dark paint and exposed the basecoat beneath.

As the glow faded away, Applejack said, “Gee, Twilight, I guess we really do represent the Elements of Harmony.”

“Indeed you do,” said a voice. Outside the old castle, the sun rose into the sky. A white Harley-Davidson Electra Glide appeared in the room with a flash of light.

“Princess Celestia!” exclaimed the lavender bike.

“Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student! I knew you could do it,” the Princess said. “You were able to defeat Nightmare Moon, but only after you were able to accept friendship. Now if only my sister will as well.”

They all looked over to where a midnight blue Buell Lightening stood. “Luna, it has been too long since I have seen you,” said Celestia. “It’s time to put our differences behind us. We were meant to rule together, little sister.”

Luna apologized and everybike had an emotional moment. “Hey, you know what this calls for?” said Pinkie. “A party!”

Back in town, the decorations from the Summer Sun Celebration were reused and a great bike rally was organized. Everybike was happy to have their sun back. Princess Celestia noticed Twilight hanging back from the crowd a little.

“Why so glum?” she asked her student. “Are you not happy your quest is complete and you can return home?”

“That’s just it,” Twilight explained. “Just when I learn how wonderful it is to have riding buddies, I have to leave them.”

“Very well,” said the Princess. “You can take on a new mission. Stay here and learn about friendship.”

“Thank you Princess!” said Twilight. “I’ll study harder than ever before!”

Twilight and her five new friends drove away happily.

“Hey wait a second,” said Rainbow. “What would it matter if the night lasted forever? We all have headlights.”

Twilight thought for a moment. “That’s not the point. The true calling of motorcycles everywhere is to ride in the day or night, rain or shine. Friendship is really all about the spirit of the open road and having somebike there to share it with you. Come on, let’s take a ride!"

Author note:
Yeah, I don't know why I wrote this. Mostly my idea came from a billboard I saw for some museum exhibit. I guess I just needed something to upload while I work on my Bruce Lee in Equestria story.