Twilight Sparkle woke up and stretched, several joints cracking in the process. Yesterday had been a very stressful day, with most of it spent trying to befriend the country of Yakyakistan on her first major diplomatic assignment. For a minute, Twilight mused about her friend, Pinkie Pie, while she woke up. It was funny really, Pinkie was one of her best friends, yet Twilight felt she knew less about Pinkie than Pinkie knew about her. Twilight thought about Pinkie's secret party planning cave, and how Pinkie had files on everypony in Ponyville, including Twilight, herself.
Twilight went downstairs, intent upon getting herself some breakfast to start off her day. Entering the kitchen, she flicked on the light, when suddenly the phone rang. Dial phones were much more common place in places like Manehattan and Fillydelphia than they were in Ponyville, but she found that having one helped during those times when Spike was away. Upon answering her phone, Twilight heard a very strange sound. It was a sort of bubbly, slurping, oozy sound. After several seconds, the other hung up. Twilight, eyes wide, decided she was no longer hungry.
"That sounded like...No, no, it couldn't be. He's long gone, and he's never coming back again." Twilight thought to herself.
The rest of the day went by pretty normal, and Twilight had pushed the event out of her mind. The next day started out averagely enough: Twilight ate her breakfast, checked the Cutie Map, went to talk to her friends, ate lunch, sent Princess Celestia a letter, etc. It was after dinner that another frightening event occurred. As she was washing her dish, the lights suddenly flickered and went out.
"Better reset the fuse box." thought Twilight. Casting a light spell, Twilight Sparkle descended the staircase to the basement. Upon resetting the fuse box, Twilight was shocked to discover that the power did not come back on.
"Maybe there's a problem outside?" Twilight thought. Checking the cables outside the back of her castle, she found multiple power cables had been cut, along with her phone line.
"What in Celestia's name happened here!?" Twilight asked herself aloud, "Nopony would want to cut my power, except..." Twilight's blood froze in her veins. Upon checking where the wires had been cut, Twilight's worst fears were realized: there was grease on the wires.
“It’s him! He’s back!” Twilight thought frantically. Out of the blue, Twilight heard a slight squishing sound come from behind her. Twilight ran faster than she ever had before in her life, and made a bee-line back into her castle, slamming and barring the doors after she did so. Panting, Twilight looked for other potential entrances her stalker could use to get to her. Deciding that most of the windows were relatively high up, and therefore, were unlikely to be used, Twilight began to settle down some. The doors were locked and barricaded, the windows were likely out of reach, there was nowhere that her stalker could possibly—“CLUNK!”
“How could I have possibly forgotten about the air ducts I had installed!?” Twilight screamed in a mix of frustration and terror. The same squishing sound she heard outside was coming from inside one of the air ducts now. Normally, Twilight Sparkle would not have been particularly terrified of a random stalker; she was an alicorn, and the element of magic, after all. However, this was no random stalker, this was a magically resistant stalker, and one who knew how slip through security completely undetected. In short, this was one of those rare situations where running and hiding was typically seen as being perfectly acceptable.
“Should I hide under the bed?” Twilight thought to herself, ”No, that’s the first place he’d look for me. Everyone hides under their bed, and it never works!”
Twilight ran upstairs too her bedroom.
"There!”Twilight mentally shouted, ”The closet! He’d probably expect to find me there, but if I disguise myself he may not notice me!”
Scampering into the closet and shutting the door behind her, Twilight was sure this was the key to her survival. That is, until she remembered she ran around completely naked most of the time, and therefore, there were hardly any clothes to hide among.
“Gah! I really didn’t think this through very well!” Twilight whispered to herself. Deciding that it was better to hide within her bathroom cabinet, Twilight teleported into the bathroom only to look in the mirror and see a note on the wall behind her. Turning around hesitantly, face pale, Twilight plucked the note from the wall with her magic. The note had been created by gluing clippings from newspapers, magazines, and what looked like some Sudoku puzzles onto a sheet of paper.
”Twilight Sparkle, you can’t escape from me, we belong together. Don’t you remember all those good times we had? Like at the movies. You watched the movie oblivious to my presence two seats behind you. You laughed at the antics onscreen, and I watched you for three hours without blinking. Those were good times.
Then there was the time that I sat across from you at that fancy restaurant. You ate your pasta, and I filmed you eating your pasta. Let’s also not forget all the nights I’ve watched you sleep, and all the times I’ve watched you washing yourself in the shower.
Did all of those times you weren’t even aware of me mean nothing to you? What about the few times you were aware of me? You looked so beautiful the night I broke into your home in Ponyville about two years back. That’s the night when you called the Royal Guard, and had me arrested. Don’t worry though, I forgive you, we all make mistakes. I still love you, I even still have that first restraining order from you hung on my fridge. See you VERY soon.
--with UNDYING love, your eternal admirer.”
Twilight Sparkle felt a lump form in her throat, as her stomach felt as if it were twisting into knots. He had already been in this very room! Where was he now!? Twilight Sparkle began to hyperventilate, the world began to grow slightly fuzzy, as she felt herself grow light-headed. What was going to happen to her? What was he going to do? Could he possibly be talked down, or was this the end? Twilight’s entire life started to rapidly flash before her eyes, half an hour at a time, when suddenly a gruesome, gooey, voice spoke in a hushed whisper from right behind her.
“It’s been a long time Twilight Sparkle…Too long!” Twilight’s entire body stiffened, her blood seemed to freeze completely solid, despite the fact that her heart felt it would burst from her chest.
“He’s right behind me!” Twilight thought, as the bathroom seemed to grow several degrees colder. Twilight Sparkle turned around to see visage she had always hoped she would never have to see again: The quesadilla.
Neighbors heard Twilight’s screams of terror, and called for help, resulting in the safe rescue of Princess Twilight Sparkle, and the arrest of the quesadilla. The quesadilla was deemed to be dangerously unhinged during its trial, and it is to be sent to the Food Storage for the Criminally Insane.
Twilight Sparkle handled the trauma very well, and continues to live a healthy life style. When it comes to Twilight’s friends, suddenly, they don’t find it so strange to be horrified by a food composed of a tortilla, cheese, and vegetables anymore.
