Demon's Tears: The Unseen War

by Deuterium

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy
Length: 6895

Devil May Cry/MLP Crossover. When a highly unusual pony unleashes an unspeakable horror on the world... it's all in a day's work for him. Not so much so for the very much normal pony who got dragged into it, however...

Dante is by no means an ordinary pony. Unless, that is, killing demons to make a living and spending the rest of the time eating pizza and making witty comebacks is your definition of "normal", in which case he is perfectly normal. But for many, Dante's life would be one that you'd only believe existed in awful fan fictions written by teenagers.

So how could an abnormal life somehow become any more abnormal? The answer to that would be provoking the wrath of a particularly powerful devil, and thus endangering the lives of many ponies, particularly one who, due to a series of increasingly alarming events, was dragged into his world. However, this is Dante we are talking about. This is a pony who takes this in his stride - heck, a pony who kills demons day in, day out should be able to take on a few more, right?

Published 2015-07-01 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-13 16:53:21 UTC

Chapter 1: That Little Bit of Spice

Around the world, there’s stories of angels and demons. Ethereal creatures locked in a neverending war for supremacy - light against dark, order against chaos, good against evil. Each day they push against each other, determined to overthrow their rivals in their unsolvable stalemate. But, if there are so many ponies who have heard of such creatures, so many different cultures, species and folk who have passed down tales from their fathers and fathers generations before, of this unseen war between yin and yang, then why is it that nopony ever sees them? Surely if so many cultures describe the same thing, then surely they must have all seen the same thing?

The truth is that they are hidden, living amongst us as normal ponies, griffons, even animals. Hiding in plain sight. Watching us. Judging us. Waiting for their chance to strike, and taking the first opportunity they get to drag one of us into their world for some fun. Or perhaps some are taking a break from the war and the fighting, maybe even avoiding it. Living life, as ponies do. Experiencing good times and bad times, as ponies do. Falling in love, getting wed, and having kids, as ponies do. But they know that they and their offspring can’t run forever…

“Get out, and stay out!”

“What? I was just warming up! The real party’s yet to start!”

The doors of a seedy Canterlot nightclub flew open, and a tan Unicorn pony was thrown out of the doors into the rain-covered streets outside. “Don’t ever come back here again!” Came a voice from inside as the door slammed shut, the brief window of light slicing through the dark closing abruptly.
The Unicorn, meanwhile, was not in the least bit perturbed. He simply stood up, dusted himself off and allowed himself a smirk and a snide chuckle, remarking “Another club that couldn’t handle me.”

This Unicorn’s tan skin almost clashed a bit with his pure white, ever so slightly bedraggled mane and his red leather coat hiding his body which were quickly absorbing the torrent of rainwater that was bearing down upon him. He was of average build for a pony of his age and size, but his looks were deceiving, as the massive gangs of ponies who’d thought it would be a good idea to pick a fight with him after he beat them seven times straight in poker had been very quick to find out. This pony’s name was Dante - such unique names were usually found amongst the high class of Equestria and beyond, but suffice to say, Dante was nothing of the sort. His was a lifestyle of carefree laziness - he’d spent the last few years of his life spending his cash on alcohol, salt and pizza, and for some time now he’d been living in an old shop, which he had yet to find a name for.

He was quite happy to live his life how he wanted, taking part-time jobs to pass the time between slaughtering whichever demon he was called upon to exorcise. That was his business - he killed demons, spirits, paranormal entities of most sorts for a living. Unorthodox to say the least, considering the majority of ponies didn’t even believe in demons, but hey, it was a way to make money that was actually fun. Dante just couldn’t see himself sitting in an office for days, writing down the same things over and over. He needed that little bit of spice in his life, be it demonic entities to kill or just a dash more of the “special sauce” on his jalapeño and spicy mushroom pizza. Whatever kept him going, he was fine with.

Dante turned on his hoof and winced slightly as a few spots of rain tricked over a hitherto-unnoticed cut under his eye. The shock of pain, however, was quickly overwritten by his confident smirk once again. “Another one, huh…” the Unicorn mused, starting to make his way back to his shop. It wasn’t too far from here - in his mind, walking meant more cash to spend on pizza and less he’d have to spend on transport. These were not the typical Canterlot streets you’d see in everyday life, or the ones you’d perhaps visit when on holiday. These were the rougher, unseen parts of Canterlot, the back alleys and dingy passageways where you were just as likely to get stabbed, or see somepony get stabbed, as you were to buy bread and milk in the mornings. Dante knew this well, but easily found comfort in the fact that, if he were to be attacked for whatever reason, he could quite easily subdue a fair number of the common thugs who lived around here without even trying. If you looked at it the right way, most of the “thugs” were just kids with flick knives who fancied themselves gangsters. He’d sent at least one of them running home to Mommy without even attacking him.

A few newspapers blew around Dante’s hooves, all of which had a similar headline: “Terror cell strikes again!” “More terror attacks in Manehattan” and “Who are they, and why do they keep blowing us up?” were just three of them. Dante sighed as he glanced at the headines. A particular terrorist cell had been, well, terrorising various parts of the country, claiming such outlandish things like “the time of equinity is at an end” and “the uprising is coming”. Dante passed this off, like many sane ponies would have, as crazy delusions of grandeur that only the most gullible and insane or individuals would buy into - and for good reason. In the last few years these guys had attacked various major locations, for no reason other than, apparently, the fact that they could. Well, Dante thought to himself, Gotta get your kicks in some way or another.

Dante took his mind off the oddball antics of the terrorists and continued down the street, keeping an eye out for anypony who might try and hold him up. Or just stab him for no reason. Or both, or worse, both and then some, whatever “and then some” might have meant in this situation, which was something that Dante definitely did not want to know. Though it didn't really matter, since they probably wouldn't even get to the stabbing part with him. On his walk back to the shop, he drifted into a seedy-looking pizza joint, pretty much on instinct. A dirty bell tinkled as the door swung open, attracting the attention of a white mare with a darkish blonde mane wearing an orange cap behind the counter, who looked up and started to smile at her next customer before noticing just who that next customer was and sighing.

"Hey, Dante." She greeted Dante with a hint of tiredness as she returned to scribbling down calculations, solving that week's newspaper puzzles. This particular mare went by the name of Vanilla, and it was quite clear there was someplace that she'd rather have been. She’d been working here for a long time, initially just as a fringe job until she got a proper one, but amidst the lack of jobs and lack of need for able mathematicians, she’d been stuck here for a long time - and she knew Dante very well.
“Gurrrrd evening, Nilly!” Dante replied, hopping onto a stool and resting his back hooves on the counter. “Miss me whilst I was gone?”
“Believe me, if there’s anypony I want to miss, it’s you.” Vanilla replied, keying through a pizza order. The same pizza Dante always ordered.
“Owee, the rose has grown some thorns!” was Dante’s reply to her scathing putdown. She seemed to write new ones every time they met…
“They’ve always been there, just you didn’t pay enough attention to see ‘em. Usual pizza’s coming through.”
“You know what, one of these days I’m gonna order a totally different one, just to tick you off~”
“You don’t wanna see me ticked off.”
“Heh, if this isn’t your ticked off mood I can’t wait to see it~”

Vanilla simply grumbled, turning around to fetch Dante’s 12th pizza this week. To be honest, Dante represented 50% of Vanilla’s business - for that she would normally be thankful, but she’d prefer it if he wasn’t such an smartass...
Dante, meanwhile, simply twiddled his hooves, yawning and leaning back on his stool. “Phew… Is it hot in here or is that just you?”
“Fuck you, Dante.”, Vanilla replied, half-sarcastically.
“Heh, I know I would~”
“Oh, shut it, you smartass~!”
“Hey, if there’s anypony in here with a smart ass, it’s you.” Dante referred to Vanilla’s Cutie Mark, which seemed to be the mathematical symbols for plus, minus, divide and Pi on a keyring.
Vanilla breathed heavily, turning around to face the tan, white-maned pony who was presently dirtying her counter-top with his wet, muddy hooves. “Dante, my shift’s almost over, Can you hold off on the smartassery for just a second?”
“Well, if that’s what you want, you only had to ask instead of firing insults at me.” For once, Dante was not actually trying to be a smartass when saying this. Vanilla, on the other hand, interpreted it as such still.
“Please. I’ve had a long day and I need some sleep.”
“I wasn’t even trying there…”

Vanilla shoved his pizza onto the counter, holding a hoof out for the cash, which Dante was happy to deposit onto the counter top. Hopping down, the cocky Unicorn bowed sarcastically to Vanilla before leaving the shop, pizza in tow, much to Vanilla’s relief. Her life was already stressful enough without Dante winding her up most every day. How that pony managed to demolish so many pizzas in a week and stay in shape was totally beyond her. She herself may have been a nerd, but at least she was a nerd who knew when to stop comfort eating and start going to the gym. Hanging her cap on a hook next to the back door, she grabbed her things and left the shop, locking the door behind her. Having the late shift meant that she often ended up being the only one in the shop until the place closed, and also meant that she was most often completely pooped whenever Dante bounded through her door.

Dante had one thing that she didn’t however, and that was confidence. Every time she walked home from the joint, she was on edge. She hated this place, and in all honesty if she could have found a better job and moved out of here she would have at the drop of a hat. There was always the chance that some gangster could jump out of an alley and demand money - it had happened to her once, and she’d lost all the cash she had on her, all 10 bits of it. She’d since taken to not taking cash with her to work, instead just opting to stay in the shop and use the single free pizza per day she was allowed to serve as her dinner. The fewer trips out she had to make, the better. Even now, she couldn’t shake the feeling that somepony was watching her...

Chapter 2: Of All the Ponies...

The distant howling of a timberwolf could be heard in the distance as Vanilla picked up her pace, hoping to get home as quickly as she could. The light of Princess Luna’s Moon was just enough to light the street ahead of her, but in the shadows, anypony could be lurking - so keeping an eye on said shadows was a necessity - one wrong turn and you’d be mugged at knifepoint, and that was the last thing Vanilla needed, especially after dealing with Dante yet again. She could almost imagine him walking next to her, wearing that confident smirk of his and letting out yet another quip. “Looks like somepony’s alone in the dark. Makes a stallion wonder what you’re doing out so late without protection - then again, some of the ponies around here never did use any~”

Vanilla shivered at the thought, inwardly cursing Dante’s cocky demeanor for mixing with her dirty mind and giving her such an idea. As if she wasn’t already fertilising whichever weeds might have been in the cracks of the pavement with the thought of being stabbed or mugged, now she was worried about some overly-horny stallion having his way with her, right there in the middle of the street. Matter of fact, being out this late might’ve seen somepony mistake her for a whore, especially since every fifth store in this district was a flophouse. Who knew how many ponies were out there on these streets bow-legged ‘cause they decided they wanted an easy flop.

Unfortunately for Vanilla, losing herself in her thoughts had been a bad idea, as no sooner than she snapped back itno reality, she had let out a shriek of terror as a grey-coated, black-maned Pegasus sprang out from behind a dustbin, a maniacal look in his eyes.
“Hello, pretty lady… It’s late, don’t you think?”
Vanilla froze. This was only the second time in her life she'd been mugged, and it was every bit as terrifying as it had been that first time. Every inkling of her conscience told her to bolt now, to try and run as fast as she could back home, but her body just wasn't able to make itself follow her brain's advice... Terrified out of her wits, the poor mare did not reply, simply whimpering in fear and desperately looking lef and right, hoping against hope that somepony would be kind, and stupid, enough to help her out of this predicament...
“But enough talk. Hand over your cash and I’ll let you go.”
“I… I don’t…have any...” Vanilla squeaked as the assailant’s beady eyes surveyed her body.
“We’ll see about that… But if you’re right, you’ll probably have to pay me in something more than just money…”

The Pegasus gave a toothy, evil grin as he advanced on the helpless Vanilla, who was now absolutely paralysed with fear. Was she really this unlucky, to start worrying about being raped and suddenly suffer exactly that? No way… There had to be somepony. Somepony would help her if…

She opened her mouth and tried to scream as loud as she could. “HEL-mmmph!” Unfortunately, this Pegasus clearly knew how to deal with such situations, as within an instant, his hoof was firmly planted inside her mouth, silencing her.
“Now now… You’ll wake the neighbors.” he whispered, sniggering. In a strange, morbid way, Vanilla was almost reminded of…
“Am I interrupting something?”
...Dante.

Of all the ponies to come to her rescue, it had to be the single most irritating one she knew. There he was - confident grin, red trenchcoat, white mane and all, staring right at her attacker with a challenging look in his eyes.
The attacker, meanwhile, turned to face Dante, his expression becoming annoyed. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll walk away and forget you ever saw this.”
Dante replied without a pause. “Well, I know what’s good for me, but I still haven’t eaten my greens for a long time.”
“You know what I mean!”
“Of course I do - doesn’t mean I have to follow it.”
“Alright, then… I’ll deal with sweet cheeks here, and then I’ll deal with you, you cocky little slimeball!”
“Hey, I may not eat my greens, but I do shower, so I'd say I’m not really 'slimy', per se.”
Vanilla simply observed this altercation, hoping that Dante would just get on with it. As much as she wasn’t happy with being rescued by him of all ponies, he was still rescuing her, so she figured she might as well hope he did so before she was killed. Or rutted. Or both.

The attacker, meanwhile, seemed to be getting more and more irritated with every quip, and Vanilla couldn’t blame him. He suddenly turned away from Vanilla, rounding on Dante instead. “OK! If you say one more word, I will gut you like a fucking tuna fish and eat your entrails in a toasted sandwich."
There was then a deadly silence… which was promptly broken when Dante smiled mockingly, leaned closer towards the Pegasus and muttered, in his most sardonic voice: “One more word~”
That did it. The attacking Pegasus bellowed in purest anger and lunged at Dante, eager to beat the living daylights out of the cocky little brat. But, little did he know that he was soon to become the next on an ever-expanding list of ponies who thought they could stand a chance against Dante, and was proven horribly, horribly wrong.

No sooner than the pony had lunged at him, Dante had dodged out of the way and pushed him in the back, causing him to stumble and fall to the ground. He rolled onto his back, but Dante was already upon him, punching his face. It was then, however, that something unanticipated happened. The Pegasus drew out an incredibly long knife and attempted to stab Dante several times, but each time, Dante managed to succeessfully block his attempt - until after about seven stabs, at which point the Pegasus finally got lucky. Cackling with glee, he made one final stab - and plunged the knife deep into Dante’s chest.

“DANTE!!” Vanilla shrieked as she watched the Pegasus's knife pierce Dante's skin over and over with wild abandon, cackling like a hyena as he did so. With every strike, Dante's body grew more and more limp, until eventually he collapsed on the ground, the Pegasus’s knife sticking out of one of his many wounds, breathing lightly, his eyes still open. As much as Vanilla thought Dante was a bit of a smartass, she would never wish death upon him - so seeing him now was a massive shock to her system. Quivering, she watched these events unfold with tears in her eyes…

The Pegasus, meanwhile, turned to look at her, his smile still maniacal. “Now it’s your turn, girlie!” Vanilla breathed slowly as the menacing figure advanced towards her, cackling louder and louder as his grin became even more gleeful. “Your friend’s dead now… and you’re in my trap yet again!"

“What makes you think I'm dead?”

Both Vanilla and the Pegasus gasped, and turned their heads sharply to look at Dante’s bleeding body - to see Dante slowly pulling the sharp blade out of his chest and getting right back to his hooves as if nothing at all had happened. “Now… Where were we?” He added, smirking as confidently as ever.

Vanilla and the Pegasus were both equally gobsmacked at the sight before them. Dante had just been stabbed through the chest several times with a very large and very nasty knife, and not only had he survived, he had pulled the knife straight out of his chest and just shrugged it all off... Nopony could have survived that - no normal pony, that is.
“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” Dante snickered - but he did not give the Pegasus a chance to answer as he threw a punch at his face with the speed of a pouncing leopard. The Pegasus was thrown across the street by Dante's punch, only narrowly missing Vanilla and landing unconscious beside a street lamp, blood trickling from his mouth.

“Not the sharpest tool in the shed, that one.” Dante remarked, flicking away the bloodstained knife and approaching Vanilla, who was still petrified, half from the fright of nearly being cornered by the thug, and half from the shock of seeing Dante being stabbed.
“Wha-- Who-- YOU?!” was all the astonished mare could manage to blurt out as Dante, whose wounds were healing incredibly rapidly, approached her.
“Cat got your tongue too? Gosh, I’d like to see that cat’s tongue collection.”
At that moment, Vanilla's fragile mind snapped completely. She had just been assaulted by a would-be rapist, seen one of the few ponies she considered a friend, even if he was a bit of a smartass and got on her nerves all the time, attacked and stabbed beyond the point that any normal pony would be able to survive, and THEN saw that very same pony shrug it all off as it it were nothing. She was dazed, confused and violently shaken, so it thus would not have been much of a surprise that at that moment, her brain decided it needed some time to process all this madness, and as such decided to put her entire body into hibernate mode - which is a long and fancy way of saying "she fainted".

Dante smirked yet again as Vanilla gaped for a few seconds before collapsing onto the cold, concrete pavement before him. "Swooning before your dashing rescuer - how cliché~" He commented, lifting the poor pony onto his back. "But anyway - I've never slept in any good beds that were made of concrete, so I don't think you should take any chances." He might have been a smartass, but he was not by any stretch callous. He could never have just left the poor mare there, she might get mugged again, or develop pneumonia from the cold. That said, Dante also did not know where it was Vanilla lived. All he knew was that she lived in this area, but beyond tat he couldn't even begin to venture a guess. But there was one place which he did know was very close, and that was his shop. Well, I ain't had a sleepover since I was a foal... he thought to himself. Maybe now would be a good time to relive the nostalgia, as it were. He turned on his hoof and walked back up the road, Vanilla (and his hitherto-forgotten pizza, which had by some miracle escaped unscathed) in tow.

It wasn’t very long before Dante finally reached the old shop which he called home. He wasn't sure what it was he'd liked about the place… Perhaps it was the price, considering the place's size. Perhaps it was the fact that it didn’t really require much upkeep, not that Dante ever bothered to do much. Whatever it was, there was definitely something about the questionable neighborhood, the shabby stone walls and the the splintery door that made Dante feel weirdly... at home. Pulling a key out of his pocket with his magic, he unlocked the peeling door, entering the establishment, Vanilla still on his back.

The door opened onto a somewhat large entrance-hall, which Dante had hastily converted into a reception by simply putting a desk at the far end and lining the walls with a number of filing cabinets, some of which were still open, the files strewn over the floor. The floor was comprised of red tiles - for the most part, at least, because the rest of it was covered in litter and the like, strewn all over the place, save for a tall, oddly neatly-stacked pile of pizza boxes against one of the walls. Dante considered it his excuse for not decorating the place - he could have gone out and bought a few paintings, but heck, give a critic a painting you made by dropping a paint pucket on some canvas and they’ll still find meaning in it. Maybe someday he'd try gluing it all together and giving it some cheesy name, see if any modern-art enthusiasts fell for it.

As Dante entered the spacious entrance-hall-cum-reception, he spotted a letter on top of the large pile of tan scrolls which had over time piled up on the doormat. This letter stood out from the rest - this one was incredibly small, and was lined with an unusual blue ink. Also, whereas all the official scrolls had been painstakingly inscribed with his full address, this one was simply addressed to “Dante” in fancy handwriting. Dante let out a solitary, mocking laugh - He knew of only one pony who would send him such a letter. He floated the letter towards him and undid the wax seal holding it in its roll, unrolling the miniscule sheet of parchment.

Your actions this evening upset the applecart. You’ll need to watch your back a bit more from now on, lest they catch you off guard. -V.

Dante chuckled slightly as he read this note. "Heh, is that a challenge? I'd like to see them try - and I'd like to see him try too~" he said casually as he crumpled the message up, tossing it to one side and trotting over to a nearby door, leading into his incredibly messy living room. This simply contained a squashy sofa, several posters, a rag-rug and a large sound system, but it still managed to look less bare than the reception area, likely due to its small size in comparison. Dante floated the unconscious Vanilla onto the sofa, covering her with a moth-eaten blanket wrapped around the arm before trotting happily back into the reception and jumping into his chair, opening up the box floating next to him.

The air was thus filled with the stench of cheese, tomato, and something truly awful that could only be described as being like shoving two white-hot chilli peppers into every single respiratory orifice one one’s body and breathing in, hard. This was a smell that both Dante and Vanilla had come to terms with over the years, having been exposed to it almost daily for several years. As such, the pungeant stench did not disturb Vanilla from her trauma-induced sleep, simply causing her to snuffle a bit and turn over, nestling slightly into the sofa as she slept on. Little did Vanilla know, however, that tonight had been just the first in a series of unusual events which would change the course of her life, and Dante's, forever...

Chapter 3: So That's What You're Here For

Vanilla's night was oddly calm, despite the disturbing and traumatic events that had unfurled that evening. She sleptn perfectly soundly, ignoring the various noises that Dante made, simply turning over occasionally. The poor Earth mare only began to panic when she realised where she was - i.e. neither on the pavement nor tucked up in her own bed, but lying on a slightly motheaten couch in a completely unfamiliar living room. Then again, any sane pony would be worried if they woke up and weren't where they were before, particularly if they just narrowly escaped being assaulted in more than one way.
"Wh-where...??" Vanilla gasped as she looked around feverishly - though when she heard a certain voice from the next room, her worries were quelled - however, the relief that came with it also had a degree of (by now familiar) exasperation firmly attached to it.

"And there's the cheeping of the early bird~"
The smooth, sarcastic voice of Dante floated gently through the door and crawled into Vanilla's ears like an irritating little bug crawling on one's foreleg. Vanilla groaned as she heard that voice which she'd had quite enough of over the past few hours. Would she ever be able to avoid that smartass? At the moment it seemed as if fate was conspiring to keep them together, against their wills - or at the very least, against Vanilla's will. She didn't think Dante would care enough to have a will to go against when it came to being around other ponies. It was almost like one of those strange romantic undertones in adventure novels where the dashing protagonist and the attractive young mare just so happen to keep bumping into each other. Though the idea of Dante and her falling in love nearly made Vanilla laugh out loud and throw up at the same time. It certainly wasn't every day, she thought, that one had a thought that was both hilarious and personally sickening...

Dante swung the door open with his magic, strutting towards the relieved, yet miffed mare lying on his couch. "And a good morning to you, little miss not-a-morning-pony~"
He would be very right in that respect, though this was not the entire reason for why the white mare was glaring at him.
"You got that right. I'm also not a 'waking up in someone else's living room right after nearly being raped and/or killed' pony." Vanilla spat out, giving Dante a murderous look.
"Oww, easy with the thorns, flower, I saved that pretty little flank of yours! Have you ever slept in a good bed that was made of concrete~?"
"Still gives you no reason to be all high-n'-mighty about it."
Dante chuckled. "Do you know me, Nilly? I'm always high-n'-mighty, about pretty much everything~"

Vanilla looked as if she was about to hit back with another angry retort, but the pair were interrupted by a loud knock on the door, and one which seemed to excite Dante greatly. The eccentric Unicorn trotted out of the living room without another word, leaving the door open and Vanilla on her own once again. Probably the best for him, Vanilla thought, if he didn't want to be stabbed again. She could not be held accountable for anything she did before 10 AM, because it would most likely have been fuelled by morning grumpiness more than anything else. She turned away from the door and decided to take a bit more time to try and grab some extra shut-eye... Or she would have, had Dante then not slammed the front door loudly and exclaimed "Yeeeeeeah, baby!"

Vanilla grumbled, turning back over and looking at the door again, to see Dante what looked like a couple of metal items out of a cardbpard box that was presently floating in his magic.
"Oooh, aren't you two beautiful?" the stallion gave a strangely seductive smile as he spoke... apparently to whatever he had just lifted from the box, which on closer inspection proved to be a pair of elegantly-decorated pistols, one with a black finish and one plated in a shiny, silvery metal. " Now... What should I name you...?"
Vanilla sighed and covered her face with her hoof. It almost wasn't much of a surprise to her seeing Dante treating two guns like any other pony his (apparent) age would treat a pet. Someone as contently lonely as him must get quite a few kicks from this strange brand of materialism he seemed to possess. That is, assuming that he was indeed "contently lonely". He seemed the sort of pony who would be, considering the way he acted around others if the way he acted around her was anything to go by.

"You got any ideas~?"
Vanilla jumped slightly as she heard Dante's voice next to me. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed the sly pony teleport next to her, once again grinning.
"I am in no mood to think up names for your stinkin' guns, Dante." Vanilla replied, sourly.
"Hey now, there's no need for that attitude~" Dante replied, mockingly feigning offence. "They haven't done anything to you, haven't they?"
"Yet."
"... Hm. I can't say I've ever met a pony who wanted to be shot..."
There he went again, twisting the meaning of everything Vanilla said...
"Shut up."
Dante ignored Vanilla completely, staring at his guns again. "Hmm.. I dunno. Yin and Yang? Nah, too overused. Luce and Ombra? Nah, sounds like what a dad in his midlife crisis would name his guns..."
"Just pick a name already and let me go!"
"I wasn't saying you had to stay, sister. Maybe you have a reason to stay here?"
Vanilla did not reply to this, simply standing up and stepping past the grinning Dante and out into the entrance hall.

However, before she could get to the front door, Vanilla stopped dead as she observed the room she was in. The ceiling was high and had some beautiful architecture and there was a pair of arched windows running from the ceiling to the floor. It looked almost like some sort of temple... But then she noticed the rest of the room and realised that the effect was spoiled somewhat by what Dante had managed to do to it. Assorted papers all over the floor, letters and old bills and the like covering up the wooden flooring which looked like it needed a good scrub, filing cabinets roughly lining the walls, some left open by their devil-may-care owner, their contents looking as if they'd been thrown in in any which order. Perhaps the oddest feature was the massive stack of pizza boxes beside the walnut desk near to the door she'd just exited through. Vanilla wondered if that passed for some sort of high art in Dante’s mind - she certainly wouldn’t be surprised, consiering that Dante and modern art were about as odd as each other, for different reasons.

"What do you think?"
Dante had strolled up behind her once again, that very same grin that he usually wore plastered across his face. "My beautiful shop... Still gotta think of a creative name for it. I'd ask if you have any ideas, if you weren't 'in no mood to do so'..."
Coming out of her half-stupor, Vanilla could have slapped Dante across the face as he mimiced her style of speech. She was now heavily doubting that she was ever going to get out of her morning mode, tired or not, all because of that weirdo and his constant wisecracks that he seemed to be a factory of. Though for once, something about that last sentence made her wonder...
"A shop?" she asked, tentatively. The kind of items or skills Dante sold here was a question that Vanilla didn't really want to know the answer to, but the question came nevertheless, and she almost hit herself for asking it. She braced herself for whatever weird answers might have come...
"Well, not so much a shop, more a storefront for a... unique type of business. " Dante replied, and was about to continue his sentence when all of a sudden, something happened that made Vanilla shriek and Dante's mout curl up at the side just that little bit more.

A tremendous crashing noise could be heard as the stone wall of the building was broken down by an unimaginable force, sending chunks of stone crashing onto the floor. Vanilla covered her head instinctively, looking down... But her shock and fear turned to tension as she heard a horrifying noise... A rattling, monstrous breath, unlike anything she'd ever heard before... Slowly, she looked up, and immediately wished she hadn't. In fact, she wished she'd never fainted in the street and been taken here at all. For what she saw then made her heart stop. She didn't even scream. She simply couldn't bring herself to out of the sheer, white hot terror she felt upon seeing the horrifying thing that she had just laid eyes on.

It was a bipedal creature, taller than the average pony. Its entire body was covered in blood-red, leathery skin which caught the light in places, giving the effect of being somewhat slimy at a distance. Its hands and feet bore long, sharp talons, and its head sported crazed, yellow-on-orange eyes which stared maniacally at the two ponies, and below them two flat nostrils and a mouth containing many long, thin and pointed teeth. It looked positively demonic, and it stank of... something. She couldn't quite place the foul odour that the hideous, frightening creature was giving off, but it was not one that she would expect to emanate from anything anywhere near close to being describable with the word "pleasant". In fact, it was almost the smell alone that gave her the sense that this was not a creature to be meddled with. This, however, didn't seem to be stopping Dante from going ahead and meddling with it.

Dante approached the creature, grinning wildly. Vanilla might've called him downright reckless to do such a thing, but then she remembered that this was the same pony who not only survived being stabbed several times and survived, but treated it like a mere scratch.
"Hey, what's the deal? You just tore down my wall!" Dante teasingly complained. "If you wanted to come in, you could have used the door, y'know."
The creature responded by letting out an ear-splitting, terrifying roar like nothing Vanilla had ever heard before. Slowly, she started creeping back towards the back room, hoping that it wouldn't see her. Dante, meanwhile, kept on going with his quips. "Whoo! Bad breath, you could use some breath mints... So, what've you come for today, if not to pay my repair bills?"
The creature suddenly slashed at Dante, to which the crazy Unicorn responded by dodging at the very last second. "Oh, so that's what you're here for, huh? You wouldn't be the first. But even so..." Dante closed his eyes as a massive, ornately-crafted sword suddenly appeared on his back. He picked up this sword in his magic, brandishing it confidently at the beast. "What do you say - shall we dance~?"

The monster charged at Dante, but the pony was ready for it. He dodged the attack, swinging his sword with blinding force and speed, disposing of the monster within a few seconds. "All too easy..." he remarked, as the monster's body crumblled into trace amounts of fine ash. Vanilla breathed a sigh of relief, but just as she was thinking of leaving the room, some more of the same monsters broke in through the section of wall which held the establishment's splintered door with equal amounts of stone shattering and masonry being dismantled. Ever the master of wit, Dante's response to this was "Well, I thank you for being more courteous than your friend, but, you see... now I have to replace my window AND my door. And you've just knocked over one of my filing cabinets." Indeed, one of the demons had clipped a filing cabinet as he entered, causing it to fall over with a loud thud. "Do you know what happens when somepony does that?" He sneered, readying his sword again. Vanilla, who had sucessfully entered the back room and was hiding there in terror, watched this with immense tension. She hoped that Dante knew what he was doing, but seeing how he'd dispatched one demon so fast, a few more didn't seem like they would pose a problem to him.

Dante crouched down, preparing for an attack... before picking up the fallen filing cabinet in its magic. "What happens is... I have to pick it back up again." No sooner than he'd finished this sentence, he'd sent the filing cabinet flying towards one of the monsters, knocking him over. Instantly, all of the monstrous creatures moved to attack him, but this was not something that Dante was unfamiliar to. He leapt over the crowd of monsters, landing near to the edge of the throng and slashing wildly at them, with immense skill and precision, the blade of his sword slicing quickly through the demons' bodies, leaving them broken on the floor before they crumbled into ashes.

His smile only grew wider as he hacked and slashhed at the demons, more of which seemed to be constantly arriving. But the Unicorn still did not falter or tire as he swung his blade, gleefully dismembering the creatures before him. At one point, he swung his sword in such a way that one demon was sent flying straight up into the air, but before he could come crashing down, Dante decided that it would be a good time to test out his new guns... Pulling out the firearms, he aimed at the creature in the air and began firing at a blinding speed, the bullets leaving the barrels with such speed and force that every shot pushed the creature right back up into the air. Dante looked like he was very much enjoying this, chuckling and singing a stereotypical circus riff as he juggled the creature in the air, before leaping up incredibly high and slamming his sword down into the ground, taking the flying monster with him and creating a massive shockwave which threw the others away from the impact zone, and knocking over a few more filing cabinets in the process. Vanilla winced as he did this, feeling the crash of Dante's blade as it slammed into the ground even from where she was standing.

Dante continued this, dancing between the monsters, slashing and shooting and stabbing his way thtough the seemingly undending horde, all the while smiling maniacally. Eventually, however, the creatures ended their relentless assault, and Dante returned his sword to his back with a chuckle. "Good thing I'm not losing my touch~" he quipped as he did so. Vanilla, on the othert hand, was absolutely speechless. He'd seen Dante fight off that guy in the street and thought him tough then, but that... Whatever that had been was beyond the realms of belief. There was no way an ordinary pony could fight off hordes of horrifying creatures and escape with almost nary a scratch. Tentatively, she opened the door, words once again failing her entirely.
Dante approached her, as ever bearing his trademark grin. "Well... I guess I have some explaining to do."