Unbecoming

by RepentInReprise

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Tragedy, Scootaloo, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 6271

"Being blind, you lose a sense of yourself, of who you are.... a blessing or a curse: perched precariously between insanity and enlightment, the dichtonomy becomes a blurred boundary unable to be seen."

“Being blind, you lose a sense of yourself, of who you are… you… become uncertain of what lies ahead, and what is around you… what was reality now seems to be surreal; nothing more than a cacophony of noises, nuances and voices: sounds become sharper; voices become clearer and yet indistinct; instruments of sounds become sights that are purely imaginable; hearing becomes hypersensitive. A blessing or a curse: perched precariously between insanity and enlightenment, the dichotomy becomes a blurred boundary unable to be seen.”

About the upcoming story:

Inspired by my own darkest (damn puns) fears, onset by seeing the synopsis of the FiMFiction story "Close the Blinds", particularly of going blind, and/or losing any one of my five senses, I imagine myself in losing these senses to have a better appreciation and insight these fictional ponies that I am reading about who may lose their wings or their horns, or, one pony in particular from Close the Blinds, Rainbow Dash, their eyesight...

Published 2015-07-01 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-04 07:18:00 UTC

Introduction: What Remains To Be Seen

Author's Note

This story is... dearly important to me, personally... it is an allusion of my own fear of going blind and/or losing any of my five senses... or hell, more than one of them! So, I do hope you all will enjoy it (as a story) and also experience it along with me... Please, if anypony has any suggestions or critique, let me know in the comments! I especially would be interested in any comments as to whether I am being in-character with Rainbow Dash and Twilight thus far, as I do wish to have them as in-character as possible. Shoutout to Rainbow Blunderbolt for their story Shut The Blinds here on FiMFiction, upon which simply the synopsis enough was enough I felt compelled to write this! I haven't actually read their story yet, just the synopsis.... one, out of my own inner demons, and two, so as to go into this... *sigh...* (puns...) blind, and moreover, to prevent any potential plagiarism, or any ideas being taken.

Introduction: What Remains To Be Seen

Unbecoming
Introduction: What Remains To Be Seen
Written by: Nathan Richard Stuckwisch (Julius Ulysses Icarus; penname)

6/30/2015

I awoke. I saw nothing, and everything. Darkness enveloped and engulfed around me. I looked around, seeing nothing, and still everything at once. I blinked. I rubbed my eyes. Nothing changed. Except one thing… I closed my eyes, seeing nothing. I opened them, and saw nothing. Blindness… where darkness becomes everything where it is nothing.

Nothingness! Nothing is around me! I… I don’t where I am! I flailed and kicked both my front and hind legs. My wings spread and flapped in futility. I hit something metal with both my appendages. Having now a sense of something, anything, that was this metal, I came to a halt. Still breathing rapidly in abject terror, sweat upon my coat, and a feverish sense of myself, I began to consciously slow my breathing, still taking in deep breaths, sinking, at the reality before me… or around me… I could no longer tell a sense of dimension. Only up and down are what I seemed to feel as I looked forward and downward, only to see an endless abyss, and fall, skyward or downward.

I heard the hum of what sounded to me like a machine… it hummed softly, and along with it, played a beep that now sounded occasionally, and with a short duration, when, I had noticed beforehand it was beeping rapidly, and with split-second durations, when I came to be. I thought I had heard voices, sounding faint, and hooves, clopping distantly… but for now, I was still without ground. I was merely floating in space. I uplifted my front leg and reached out my hoof, trying to even realize if I was moving my hoof at all, and touched an object with enough force in my feeling, that it made a metallic clang. I moved my hoof across the metal, running along it so that I wouldn't fall back into darkness. In feeling, I sensed the coldness the metal gave me, with my hoof warm, and the metal cold, the coldness spread through my hoof to my front leg in shock. I sighed in relief and terror, shivering.

Holding onto the metal railing, I had now already felt the soft cushioning beneath my body, especially from the felt sense of having flapped my wings helplessly just now, and the soft fluff beneath my head… I was in a bed.

I screamed again, crying for help, in desperation, for the stability of my own organism, begging for something tangible, something real I could believe in to hold onto. I suddenly felt a gentle, soft, and furry touch upon my cheek. It felt… loving. I stopped screaming. I breathed in-and-out heavily. Tears down my face, I turned my head in the direction of where I assumed this being was. I… I knew that hoof. I knew that voice, as she spoke.

“Dashie… I’m here. I -- I’m sorry.”

I felt quick successive pings of wetness against my muzzle, and soon I felt the dampness soak and sink upon my muzzle. She… she’s crying. Had she… had she been here this whole time? She knows how to handle situations like… mine… especially when not to interrupt someone in their panic. I sobbed, shattering while simultaneously reassembling the reality I was experiencing, I scrambled to move my hoof to hold hers, to hold onto that very thing that is real and that which I believe… I felt softness and gentleness grip around my hoof, knowing now that I had felt was real…

Twilight Sparkle.

What I Can See and Can Seem To See

Unbecoming

Chapter 1: What I Can See and Can Seem To See

Written by: Nathan Richard Stuckwisch (Julius Ulysses Icarus; penname)
6/30/2015

I don’t know how long I took waiting until I spoke to Twilight. I had lain there, embracing and relishing the comforting touch of Twilight’s hooves around me and even the gentle drops of her tears falling upon me, and the caressing of her lips, gentle, loving, and caring. I don’t know how I took waiting, for it may have been hours, or minutes, or, even possibly, years… No doubt she would have stayed by my side for that long, and then I spoke:

“Twilight, I…” I choked up, realizing all at once what I had lost, and what I didn’t want to lose…

“I want to hear your voice as much as possible… It’s bad enough that I’ve lost my eyesight, so now I can’t admire your face or your flank anymore… I can’t look up and see the skies anymore… I can’t see the things that made me smile because I was able to see them… I can't see Scootaloo. my sister, aspiring to fly; I can't see behind me as I make a Sonic Rainboom; I can't see Spitfire command and lead the Wonderbolts, seeing us fly together in awesomeness; I can't see the Sun rise from Celestia and the Moon fall from Luna… Already I’m regretting that I won’t be able to actually see what wonderful things you’ve done for me, Twilight… like that time when I was trying to pass my test for the Wonderbolts and you had shown me what to know…”. I paused as I cried, letting all my experiencing flow through me, and then I continued with resolve: “I… I want to cherish what I have now, at this moment, and that’s you, Twilight, and your voice…”

I felt a squeeze around my hoof, presumably Twilight squeezing my hoof in hers as I finished.

“Of course, Rainbow… I won’t leave you, and I will continue talking to you, and holding you, and simply being with you… We’ve known each other for so long, Rainbow I… I can’t imagine being without you as much as I can’t imagine you being without me… as much as we bear our Elements, so too do we bear each other.”

I smiled, albeit forcefully, and tried to fight through my folly… I laughed, trying to shrug off the reality of the moment to say: “Pinkie Pie swear?”

“Pinkie Pie swear!” Twilight reassured me, and even chuckled along with me, stroking my mane, although as also trying to assuage my underlying pain through her touch.

Even in the moments like these, Pinkie Pie really knows how to make ponies smile...

I smiled, hopeful and hopefully up at her. “Thanks Twilight… I love you.”

“I love you too, Dashie. We’ll get through this, to the end.”

Silence ensued. Although this time, is was settling. Surrounded in darkness, and in silence, I felt at ease knowing that Twilight was, and has been, here with me, holding my hoof, embracing me, and kissing me at times to show that everlasting symbol of love… Twilight had told me that a kiss was “something to build a dream on”.

Silence and darkness were certainly enveloped and engulfed around me. All silent, except for the the low hum of the machine next to me, with its rhythmic beats, and the slow, calm, reassuring breathing of Twilight Sparkle that I could hear, or even her quiet weeping at times.

There was nothing but silence and darkness.

Then it broke.

Still in the darkness, silence came to be sound, for I heard a squeaking and creaking that lasted for a few seconds, and then a sudden click that ended the sound.

Then I heard hooves clopping to only what I could tell was closer and closer to me, in a very deliberate and considerate manner. The hooves stopped. I still felt Twilight Sparkle around me, but now, even more so, she seemed to really tighten her grip around me, as though bracing for… impact…

I heard a voice as quickly as it came, it went.

“Ms. Dash? Ms. Dash is it?” The voice sounded calm, collected, and caring.

“Y-yes?”

“I’m Dr. Horse… I’ve come to attend to you. How are you faring, Ms. Dash?”

“I.. I…”

I just felt the reality hit me again, and again, and again, until I was broken and bleeding… I felt Twilight hug me more as I started bursting into tears, showing Dr. Horse exactly how I am doing… I heard Dr. Horse sigh, as though he has something more to tell me… what if I… what if I can see again!? They can restore my vision, can’t they!? I --

“From staring at the sun, Ms. Dash, retinal, cornea, as well as iris damage has occurred… I’m… I’m sorry, but there seems to be no possible way we can restore your eyesight.”

I just felt myself well up, in anger, and determination, I shouted back to the Doctor:

“But there… there has to be a way! The… The Princesses can do something, can’t they!?”

The doctor, again, sighed, and spoke slowly:

“No… Ms. Dash, even the Princesses do not have, within their power, to restore vision… We have indeed spoken to them about the matter of restoring your vision, but they said nay, and the Princesses even told us that there was one little pony, named Snowdrop, who was born blind, whose vision they could not restore…”

There I was, shot down, falling with open wings, at all my anger and resolve being crashed into hopelessness and despair. I simply wept, that being the only thing that I could seem to do, now that I was blind… I heard the Doctor continue:

“You’ll need to be accompanied at all times, or, at least, have somepony immediate response to assist you if you so require.”

Well… there goes one point to the expression, “It’s fumbling around in the dark”... I sighed, imagining myself doing that, wobbling around, toppling over things, and just… making a huge embarrassment and pathetic showcase of myself.

“As for your career at the Wonderbolts…”

I felt my heart race and thump so quickly I thought it would have shot out through my mouth! I felt my stomach just lurch, my wings spread out, and I felt my ears had perked and now jittering, as though they could not believe what they were hearing! Neither could I… I assumed the worst, I mean… what else could this be!?

“Miss Spitfire has asked that she see you personally to assess you for capability and admittance into flight. We have granted her request. The reviewal process will begin at the Wonderbolts Flight Academy.”

There it was… the very affirmative that sent my hopes and dreams flying, crashing down on me… I just cried… and cried… and cried.

I don’t know long it was that I had cried for… all I knew was the building rage within me, at myself, at Spitfire, and all that I had come to achive is now simply gone.

“Why… why would they even want to consider my position in the Wonderbolts! I… I’ve worked my way through the ranks! I’ve fought my way to the top! I’ve proven myself to them! I’ve earned where I am!”

I felt Twilight rest her hoof on my shoulder, trying to relax me, “Rainbow… I’m sure she has her reasons… valid, and objective, I don’t doubt. The Wonderbolts need to rely on themselves as much as each other…”

I just sighed, and put my face in my hooves, shaking my head. From leaning upwards, I let myself drop onto the soft bed.

“Maybe… maybe I shouldn’t be angry with them or Spitfire, Twi…”

I paused, contemplating, entering deep thought…

“I should be angry with myself.”

I heard Twilight gasp, but, before I could let her respond, I continued:

“I’m a freaking idiot, Twilight… I… I blinded myself. I am such... A freaking... Idiot!” I said each motion with exaggeration and a pause between each motion, and I screamed that last word at the top of my lungs, in suffering, and in anger.

“I was already blinded by my pride already… I… I just kept flying, higher and higher, trying to reach the Sun…”

I sighed, drawing my voice to a low, withdrawn, and defeated tone:

“Serves me right, huh? ‘The greatest flier in all of Equestria, one of the Wonderbolts, brings herself down by her own pride...’ couldn’t get any more tragic than that, could it? Instead of my wings burning from being too close to the Sun, I get my eyes blinded… couldn’t see what was right in front of me, anyway… staring at me with bright clarity…”

I scrunched my muzzle and shut my eyes painfully, with another realization that just hit me:

“Oh Twilight… I wonder what Princess Celestia must think of me… knowing I actually tried to ascend to her Sun, to try and grab it, hold it. Only a fool would think he could touch the Sun…”

I sighed once more, my depressed state of being only worsening, realizing all of the pain I have caused to myself, but also all the pain I might have caused to others, right now, having heard and felt Twilight crying over me… my heart is broken… and it’s my fault that she is pain too.

“I -- I’m sorry Twilight… for the pain I’ve caused you…”

I felt my heart sink, and my pain rise.

“If there’s one thing I can see and can seem to see, Twilight: I’m an idiot…”

Some Things Are Not Meant To Be Seen

Author's Note

If any of you do wish to see more of this story, please, leave a like and comment down below that so I may work to maximum efficiency! If you do not like the story, of course, you have the freedom to leave a dislike, but if you do, please... I would like to know the reason, as any feedback/critique will be undoubtedly helpful and will help me to provide you, and everyone else, an improved story! <3

Some Things Are Not Meant To Be Seen

Unbecoming
Chapter 2: Some Things Are Not Meant To Be Seen
Written by: Nathan Richard Stuckwisch (Julius Ulysses Icarus; penname)
7/2/2015

I had seen the Sun and now I can’t see it anymore… or… am I always seeing it, unable to unsee it? Some things are not meant to be seen, as Twilight and I both saw something that was not meant to be seen...

Twilight just wrapped her hooves around me, hugging me, and kissed me deeply. I returned the kiss, letting myself be held in her hooves. She… she was catching me from falling, in this abysmal darkness. Whether I now looked up or down, she was there, holding me. She whispered in my ear:

“There’s nothing you can do to make me stop loving you, Dashie.”

Again we pressed our lips against each other. She nuzzled me. Each touch of her hoof, her brushing her muzzle against mine, her rubbing against my fur, or licking my ears and, uh… cheeks, each started to become a reminder and resemblance of who I knew Twilight Sparkle to be… all of her mannerisms and demeanor became unquestionably real to me, through her touch, voice, and even smells and, uh… tastes. I felt her move away from me, but still held me in her hooves, I only snuggled myself further into her embrace, sighing and letting myself be caught from falling.

“T-Thank you, Twilight, I… I love you too.” I threw my hooves around her, or, at least the best I could, feeling her mane and her soft coat, I nuzzled her neck in solace.

“I… I can’t help but wonder Twilight, how did I get here?”

I heard Twilight sigh, and heard her hesitate and stumble over her words.

“Well, I uh… it’s... “

I heard her take a breath, and she began again:

“I was the one who saved you, Rainbow.”

“Oh…” I was dumbfounded, and in agony, for I had caused her this tragedy..

“I’m sorry” was all I could mutter.

“I was flying, on my way to see the Princesses on an urgent matter that they had requested my presence for… then I happened to see you, flying in the distance, above me, over the clouds. I had called out to you, to get your attention, but you… you weren’t responding, so I flew after you, but… you just kept flying higher and… faster and faster… until I... “

Twilight paused. I heard her wince audibly in sheer pain…

“Until I saw you fall…”

She began crying uncontrollably, and I cried with her… this time I felt around in the darkness, and wrapped my hooves around her, and coddled her as best I could… I kept whispering “I’m sorry” to her, in guilt, even though she seems to have already forgiven me and said that nothing I could do could make her stop loving me, it was clear as day this hurt her… traumatized her, perhaps… I had imagined that she was deeply hurt, not because she had thought that I had hurt her, but that I had hurt myself in such a way...

“... seeing you fall was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever seen, Rainbow… I… I raced as fast as I could to catch you, and I did… just before you hit the ground, you had landed in my hooves, and I had cried out to you…”

“Rainbow! Rainbow! RAINBOW!”

I heard her calling my name, but... she wasn't speaking... but I had heard her, elsewhere.

“W-wait… Twilight…”

I felt her shift in my hooves.

“I… I remember, Twilight. I remember. I remember hearing your voice. I remember you crying, and holding me, and you flapping your wings as you rushed me to where I assume was here… and then, nothing.”

I hesitated. I had pondered whether to disclose to what I had to say next to Twilight... she would understand, of course, but… but I… I… I’ve no way to deal this on my own! I'm alone enough in this darkness already...

“There’s something I need to tell you, Twilight…”

“Anything, Dashie…” she said with a concerning and caring voice.

“Thank you, Twilight… This may sound crazy, but… I can’t see anything… anything but a damn vision of a bright light! Whether it’s white, or red, or orange, I… I can’t tell! When I’m awake, all I can see is darkness, Twilight. But… when I’m asleep, all I see is the blinding light! I… don’t know what I want anymore, Twilight! Whether to sleep or to stay awake, I feel like I can’t tell whether I’m sleeping or whether I’m awake, and I don’t know that I want either! This… this feels like a nightmare gone on too long, and I want it to end! I just… I don’t know!”

I began crying again, not knowing what else to do…

Then I had felt Twilight hugging me tightly, and kissing me, giving me a sensation of warm lips, and cold tears, something sweet and something bitter… and then it hit me that I was indeed awake, and what I had thought was nightmare, of dreaming, was real…

I cried more, muttering under my breath that I was sorry, sorry that I had caused her to see such a sight… I clutched her tightly and returned her passionate and yet bittersweet kiss… guilty of my own undoing...

“Some things are not meant to be seen, Twilight… some things are not meant to be seen..."

"Praise The Sun!"

Unbecoming
Chapter 3: "Praise The Sun!"
Written by: Nathan Richard Stuckwisch (Julius Ulysses Icarus; penname)
7/2/2015

“‘Praise the Sun!”’ some ponies say. The sun gives us light and life. It allows organisms to flourish and grow, like a plant or a pony. Without the Sun, we could not sustain any life in Equestria… Without the Sun, we could not see…

“But neither can I!” I shouted to myself, becoming angry and upset, almost wanting to knock those ponies upside their heads for saying such things!

“‘Neither can I’ what, Rainbow?” Twilight echoed what I had just said out loud… oops

“Oh! I uh… heh heh. Did I say that?” I rubbed my foreleg along the back of my neck…

After some silence, to which I assumed was Twilight’s answer of encouraging me to continue, I spoke:

“Well, I… I was just reflecting back on how ponies used to say the phrase ‘Praise the Sun!’ and it just happened to be an awfully convenient ironic statement… with, you know…”

I heard Twilight Sparkle chuckle.

“Oh Dash, yes, I can see why that would upset you… Although that phrase is very true… even despite situations like this happening… without the Sun, we wouldn’t be able to sustain life here in Equestria! We wouldn’t be able to grow, ponies and plants alike!”

“That is indeed true, my Faithful Student…”

I had just gasped, I was totally caught off guard! I hadn’t even heard Princess Celestia enter, or, had she been just standing there!? I… I had to show my respects! I… oh no… what does she think of me for being so stupid!? I scrambled to get off my bed, the only place so far that I had known as a point of stability.

“Rainbow Dash, it is okay… you do not have to bow…”

I heard the pain, sensitivity, and ache in her words from her heart… she… she didn’t seem upset or angry at me…If I still had eyesight… I could imagine she was probably looking at me with a broken heart…

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight Sparkle was as startled as much as she was pleasantly surprised. I heard her move towards Princess Celestia, then stop, and presumably took a bow, as I heard the shifting movements of two ponies; I heard more sounds as though of two ponies hugging.

“It is indeed good to see you here as well, Twilight. I am happy to see you have kept to your word of being vigil over Rainbow Dash…”

“Thank you, Princess. It has not been easy… in fact; this has been one of the most difficult tasks I have ever undertaken…” I heard Twilight’s resignation and sinking voice, though, through it all, I heard, knew, and felt her powerful resolve to stay by my side, through all things.

“Indeed Twilight, your resolve and endurance to fight your way through even the most trying of trials shows through. Emotional toil as much as physical toil, such as your trek with Tirek, is just as exhausting.”

“I…” I couldn’t hold it in anymore!

“I’m sorry, Princess! I’m sorry for being arrogant, for being too prideful! For… being so stupid! I… I didn’t mean to cause everypony so much pain! I… I don’t even know how many ponies I’ve hurt, ponies who may be worrying about me! I didn’t mean to think that I could actually touch the Sun…”

I broke. In tears, I lay, forlorn. There, upon the bed, I wailed, feeling myself exposed, the hurt I am feeling revealed in full.

“Rainbow Dash…” I heard Twilight Sparkle say in helplessness and in heartbreak.

At the same time, I had also felt a hoof touch my chest… but it wasn’t Twilight’s, no… I would’ve recognized her touch… it was Celestia’s… had she… had she also said my name as Twilight Sparkle did? I didn’t hear her… Oh Celestia forgive me…

“I don’t think any less of you, Rainbow Dash. Quite the contrary, I admire and even commend you for your willingness and desire to feel shameful, and to feel guilty, to feel responsible, for, in times of sheer arrogance, ponies have fallen from their reign of terror, and have not rebounded from their downfall…”

I felt her hoof touch my muzzle, as she stroked it gently, soothing me. It sweet, gentle, and caring, and forgiving… It’s as though she had seen me already becoming guilty as I thought I had not heard her earlier… Oh Celestia, thank you...

“Rainbow, you do not need to think that you owe any absolute deification or absolution towards me… I am not without my imperfections either, Rainbow.”

“R-really?” I felt both reassured, ameliorated, and yet helplessly incited…

“Yes… It was centuries ago; before Nightmare Moon; before Tirek; before Chrysalis; before the Crystal Empire: I had… fallen for a stallion from another world – it was our world, except it wasn’t –, and, as silly as it may sound, because of our relationship, I had, on my part, risked the entire realm of Equestria to destruction. At the time, I had known Starswirl the Bearded. He had become knowledgeable of my relationship and my attempts to see this Stallion. He had told me again and again to avoid seeing this Stallion, as it would risk our very worlds being shattered. But I didn’t listen. No, instead I kept seeing him; I loved him, and didn’t want to let him go. I had continued to see him, and, because of that, I had cost the Stallion his very way of being… He is no longer the stallion I knew… I turned him from friend to foe. Evil corrupted his heart as he sacrificed himself to use the Elements of Harmony to… to save his Kingdom, and mine…”

“W-wow…” I was awestruck. Utterly awestruck! While I was trying to be wise not to pry, despite my curiosity, I was stricken by now knowing our Princess, to whom we thought was above all other ponies, in nobility, and in character, actually wasn’t… she was prone to vulnerability, to being corrupted, just like… just like… I was…still am, and could be…

“T-thank you, Princess Celestia… for sharing that with me… that… does help to come to terms with what I’ve done.

“You’re welcome, Rainbow Dash.”

“Heh… you know, Princess, I’m reminded of my own experience, now that I think about it, being similar to yours. There’s more to how I became blind… in fact, I could’ve prevented it had I listened to somepony who cared for me dearly, who had watched over me, who had given me someone to model after, and who had trained me fiercely; I owe him what I know about flying today…

I had to take a second, almost choking on my own emotions as I sought to remember him...

“My Father.”

It only took a few seconds for me to remember everything about him, and about my foalhood, and it in those few, seconds, it felt like many years had passed by.

“My Father had been denied entrance to the Wonderbolts simply because at the time, they had all positions as taken. He had spent his entire life training to become the greatest flyer in all Equestria, greater than myself… There’s just something that I can’t do that he was able to do… something only he could pull off, probably because he had the character and personality to do it. I created the Sonic Rainboom… my Dad, though… he created something far greater, something spectacular, something you wouldn’t have believed unless you saw it before your very eyes; you’ve seen it yourself, Princess.”

I gave a bittersweet smile, thinking about both the awesomeness that my own Father was better than me, who gave me inspiration, and who gave me my wings; and the disappointment, of my Father within himself, of having his dreams crushed and not being able to join.

“He trained me rigorously, taking me out each day to train to fly. He had reigned supreme champion of winning multiple hoofball tournaments consecutively, placing himself as Legendary in the world of hoofball. He also won multiple Equestria Games tournaments on his own. He was really… he was a real Hero. If there was really anything you could have ever learned, it would have been from my Father. When it came time for me to begin learning how to fly, however, he was brutal, absolutely hellish. Each morning we would awake, he would take me out to the cloud fields to fly. On some days he would push me off the clouds, keeping it irregular just to keep the element of surprise, and, before I would fall too far down, he would catch me. He called it, ironically enough, 'Flying Without Wings':

“’A technique where, given dire circumstances, you will be your own greatest savior. When there is no-pony else to save you, your survival instincts will kick in, and you will fight for your life or die trying.’”

I had closed my eyes, or at least I thought I did, and I thought back to those times with my Father. While at the time I was absolutely terrified of what he was doing, and how harshly he was training me, I now understand why he put me through what he put me through… he truly wanted the best for me, and he cared for me in his own unique way. His own anger and disappointment in himself for not being able to join the Wonderbolts – although it wasn’t his fault – drove him to want to make me to become a Wonderbolt. I had already wanted to join the Wonderbolts, what that I had a Father who basically was a Wonderbolt without actually being a Wonderbolt! He was someone I looked up to during that time, and I still do today…

“For all those days I spent training with my Father, it was another day with another reason to hate him. But for all that hate, and for all those days, that only helped drive me to become great like my Father, an inner instinct within me wanting to become greater than he ever was. All those days he spent pushing me off the clouds, each day expecting “today is the day”, he had caught me, embraced me in his hold, and I could’ve swore I felt such a love and care from him that I couldn’t feel from him otherwise. I cherished those moments; for all those times he spent pushing me off the clouds, and I hated him for it, I had loved him too for catching me from falling.”

“You know, Twilight, that’s why I really appreciate, cherish, and love how you hold me… you really know me, Twilight; each time you hold me in your hooves I feel like you are catching me from falling… from falling in this abyss that only I can see.”

There were tears beginning to surface, but I held them back. I fought against them! I wouldn’t let another part of me fall again…

“I miss him. I really do. But there was one day… one day where he pushed me off the clouds, and didn’t catch me from falling… I was horrified. I was kicking my legs, screaming, calling out for my Father to catch me. But no-pony came. No, I was now alone in the skies. He didn’t catch me.”

I shut my eyes for a moment – as if that would really make a difference – and remembered myself falling, thinking that “’This is it! He really wasn’t going to save me this time…’”

“I caught myself. I had found myself flapping my wings vigorously, where I was gaining height quickly, and I had flown back up to my Father. I had looked at my Father, and I swore he had a look of genuine happiness upon his face, filled with pride and glory. ‘That’s it, my dear Rainbow Dash… Today is the day you flew.’”

I sighed, taking a breath, basking in silence for a second… you know, sometimes, for some inexplicable reason, even in darkness and even though I hate being in silence being in this total blackness, I instead welcomed silence.

“And this is where I didn’t listen to my Father. He looked at me and told me, while I was flapping my wings, with a look upon my face of eagerness batted against his stern look, ‘But Dashie, you listen here, and you listen well: ‘Fly neither too high nor too low, only soar with the winds, for the winds may carry you.’

Sigh.

“It sounds to me, Rainbow Dash, that what he said was important to you, for you to remember his advice to this day.” Celestia said.

“Yeah, I do. He is also important to me too. He is who made me who I am today; I of course helped myself along, but he did most of the molding. Huh. I guess in a sense, I am him, but then… that would mean I wouldn’t have followed my own advice…”

I facehoofed.

“Oh, why does irony have to be everywhere!?”

I heard both Twilight and Celestia laughed… I just had to laugh with them.

Passing from the moment of laughable irony, there was a question that gnawing at me more and more as I was here with Princess Celestia during the passage of time.

“Celestia… Why can’t you restore my vision?”

I heard Celestia give a sigh, seemingly full of pain and remorse:

“While Twilight, Luna, Cadence, and I are indeed powerful, and while Luna and I can manipulate such forces of nature as the Sun and the Moon, we can only manipulate them because they exist independently from each other, as mediums of manipulation. Nor can we destroy that very origin of manipulation; neither can we create another source of manipulation, as it will cause disruption between ‘what’ governs ‘why’. In the most simplistic sense: that source of manipulation which can be manipulated to manipulate other things is possible by means of the source of manipulation being a medium.”

I nodded softly, and perked my ears, intent to give her indication that I was listening. You know, all this time with Twilight wasn’t all that bad; I have gotten to learn much more on an educational learning level. I had actually understood what Princess Celestia was saying, without having to resort to a dictionary or Thesaurus when there was a word I didn’t understand…

Twilight conveniently always had one or the other on her!

“We cannot manipulate the things that exist by those that do not exist. Your eyes remain in existence, but your eyesight, does not…” Celestia continued.

So… that was it, then. The explanation as to why even Celestia and Luna couldn’t restore my vision… -- or Snowdrop’s for that matter – but… but did that imply that they could manipulate a ponies’ vision if their vision was still extant?

Damnit Twilight… your egghead talk and thinking has really gotten to me… no doubt helpful, though… thank you, Twilight… I love you… I’m thankful for more things from you than you know – no wait, of course you know!

“I see what you are thinking, Rainbow Dash. The answer is: no; for in, in the converse instance that a pony has both their eyes and their vision, we cannot manipulate them to become blind for the lack of vision does not exist. Therefore, if you had received less extreme damage to your eyes, that which is permanent, we may very well have improved your vision, but not fully restored it, as the confines of our powers go within the confines of spectrums.”

I sighed again, having shed enough tears and incited enough anger; it was time to be strong. I’ve shown my weakness. Now it’s time to take that weakness to become strong again. In this moment, I felt thankful, and even relieved, for optimism, while it may beneficial to ponies to rise above against all aggravations, is destructive when the supposed solution is seemingly unending, when lies belie the truth.

“T-thank you, Celestia…” I spoke under my breath.

“Of course, Rainbow Dash.” Celestia replied.

“Huh… you know, Twilight, Celestia, speaking of how I was too blinded to see my own arrogance – and because of that I couldn’t see the sun – the sun made me see my arrogance… I was already blinded in how I saw myself, thinking that I was above all, even above you, Princess, somehow. The sun may have taken my sight, but it has given me vision; I could now see what I couldn’t see before: that I was blind already.”

“How very insightful of you, Rainbow Dash.” I heard Celestia say to me thoughtfully, and sounding pleased.

I chuckled. “Well, I have Twilight Egghead Sparkle (TES) to thank for knowing what I know now, literary-wise… which means I’ve been learning from you too, Princess… second-hoof learning, anyway.”

I chuckled again, thinking about the ironic comment I had said before this whole conversation, pretty much starting alight the conversation that I now saw the phrase in a new light, which I spoke softly, in a sense at Princess Celestia, to thank her for her Sun, and what it has given me…

“Praise the Sun…”