Getting up is hard.

Getting up while plastered is like trying to run the Olympics blind. With a shark tied to your leg. With said shark having a bomb strapped to it that if you go below a certain speed, it WILL explode.

Yes, getting up while plastered is a bitch, and my father not being there to help me just doesn't help at all. Of course, it's the fact he's gone that put me in this sorry state. Then again, I have no one to blame but me. The first thing I did after running from his graveside was drink myself silly and stagger back home. If you can call this crap-shack a home. Momma and Daddy worked hard to make it a home though, and for that, I can't thank them enough... But it's empty and cold, much like my heart.

After pulling myself together, I rise and take some pills for the hangover, wondering if my tolerance for alcohol is genetic. Dismissing that thought, I open the door of the once "Mobile" home and make my way down the stack. I reach the bottom of the modest five high stack and merge onto the sidewalk. I look around at the little town of Kannapolis. Still rural, still small, still unknown. You might think that after a couple of actors and even "The Man In Black", we'd be a little famous. But he's been long gone for a long time.

The skies are blue and still relatively clean, a rarity in today's world. Living in an untouched city has it's benefit. Alas, technology has touched our small town and even my family. Sure, I still listen to my records and watch my old DVD's and VHS's.... Even the old LaserDiscs' that Grandpappy saved..... He was a bit of an antique person. At the same time, I indulge in the digital too. I enjoy using an old service, "Netflix" as it were. 4-D movies have really taken off, though, I really don't prefer them. I really only use my immersion rig as a glorified Magnavox. The only 4-D experience I enjoy is "being" Jamie Skinner's number thirty-one Chevy.... But NASCAR is in danger, what with the limited resources. Jamie is one of the few generational drivers left.

I make my way down the streets, waving high to all I know in this small community. If it's one thing my Pa taught me, it's that friendship always comes first. He told me about how he and my Grandpappy had been prosecuted for being a Brony, an ageing community and even a belief to some. He told me to embrace the ideals of the show he had me watch from birth, as they would help me in life. He also warned me that even today, I had to be careful about being a Brony. The world was becoming much like the comment section of a YouTube video on gay marriage. It's strange how that is still a highly controversial topic, love is love people, who gives a flying fuck? That's another thing Pa taught me. Avoid religion like the plague. Accept and tolerate all opinions but never join a religion. They're always bad news, that's what he taught me, and it's worked so far.

I arrive at the bank to claim what he left me in his last will, which was more or less everything. The house, the truck, and......Cash? Twenty-two thousand credits under a label..."A companion, eternal".....Well thanks for nothing you old fart. Always had to be poetic.... or cryptic. Still, it was mine and I'd save it until I found out what the hell that meant. I just really hope that doesn't mean a mail order bride.... Or hookers. Never hookers. Let's see here.... Oh, the will itself...

I, Seamus Jackson Hawk, bequeath all my earthly belongings to my one and only son, Emile Garner Hawk. These items shall include, but not be limited to, my current residence, my immersion rig, my diecast collection of cars, my 1994 model Chevrolet C1500, the video addition to this will and the key to my personal lock box. These items are to be passed to him, uncontested.

I sigh and nod to the woman who had been helping me. All of what he had left me was already at home, only now it was in my name. I leave the bank just a bit worse for wear. Then again, how else could you feel when the best dad in the world was gone? When I was hurt, he helped me up. When I was sad, he hugged me. When I even thought I was into guys for a bit, he totally supported me! He did it because Grandpappy never got that treatment and he wanted to raise me with love and tolerance instead of violence and cruelty. I can hardly make it to the house before I break down, tears flowing freely. I half expect the firm, yet bony hand of my father to pat me on my back before telling me everything's okay... But it never comes. I suck it up and put the will down on my desk. I retrieve the lock-box key from my pocket and turn it over and over in my hand. The vauge thought of looking in the box passes through my mind before realizing it would only pour salt into my still festering wound.

I move over to the "living room" and set myself into the rig chair. I put on the immersion gloves and bring the goggles to my head before strapping them to my head. I head on over to Google to find some new pony memes, my usual stress relief. I look around the digital search "room", taking in the images when out of the corner of my eye, I catch an ad. Maybe it's the depression talking, but I could use a laugh right about now. I turn to the ad and when my sight connects to it, it fills my vision and begins to play.

"Imagine that perfect someone, or perhaps you prefer somepony. Imagine them being ready for you, waiting for you, loving you. Well friend, imagine no longer. Vogon Biotech has the answer for you today. And our answer is simple. Order your very own Help mate! Fully functional, completely reliable, and the moment you touch them they bond with you for life. That's right, they bond with you for life. How much more perfect can they be? If you're interested please, click the order button," Someone said from seemingly nowhere.

Somepony? Loving me? Are these those Helpmates I've heard of? Geez.... Well hell, I'm already bored

With that, I reared back with my virtual fist and smashed into the order button. And boy, I could have sworn I did some freaky ass LSD the way this rainbow attacked my eyes. All psychedelic and shit, y'know.... Maybe I did do some drugs, I have no idea, I haven't been able to remember what I did five minuets ago for a while now. After the "trip" was over, a stallion with a chestnut coat and blond mane stepped out to greet me. I gave him a handshake and didn't hold back, knowing he was only an AI.

"Mr. Hawk, thank you for choosing Vogon Biotech. According to records, you are interested in a helpmate. Our search of your cookies from various sites lead us to believe you are mostly homosexual." He said to me

Whoops.... Must have been that streak of BigSoarin I binged on...... Heh.... Hey, ever since they made visualizing fictions possible, who can blame me? Secret shame and all that...

"I'm straight" I correct him

"Ah. My apologies, we must have made an error in judgement" He apologizes to me.

"Yeah yeah..... So what is a helpmate exactly? Sounds like something I'd use when I've fallen and can't get up" I joke with him.

He shakes his head and snaps his fingers. We walk over to it, his hooves clopping on the floor the entire time. The window is covered with a curtain, and with one swift tug of a pull rope, It pulls to reveal the entire cast of My Little Pony..... Save for a few that are missing. The Mane Six, Vinyl and Octavia..... But some notable ones are there too. He waved his right hand and they all morphed to look like him in his anthropomorphic state. I promptly pulled my jaw off of the floor and looked on in awe. They were exactly as I expected an anthropomorphic pony to be. Just the right blend, if you will.

"What we're selling Mr. Hawk is a living fantasy. A living, breathing, fantasy that will not end when you shut off your computer. It won't disappear when a television show goes off of the air, and it will grow with you. Think of it Mr. Hawk. Think about what it would mean to have that perfect somepony. That one special somepony to spend the rest of your life with. Isn't that something worth considering?" He inquires.

"Well.....Yeah! You're sellin someone to live with, till death do you part and all that? Well shit son, how much?" I excitedly stammer

"That's always the rub isn't it? It doesn't matter how much an artist loves their work. At the end of the day it's about how much money it's worth. They are twenty-two thousand credits a piece. It might sound steep, but consider what you are purchasing. It's not a machine, but a living breathing fantasy. She will eat, sleep, sweat, and even bleed. Everything she feels when she wakes up is real. There is no preprogrammed emotions in her. Oh, she'll have memories, slightly altered to match her new body, of her world, friends, and family. Everything ever written by the creators of the show, and of course any of the fan based content you would like us to consider, will be added to her memories. But beyond that all of her experiences and new memories will be completely of your and her making," He explains to me

That's when it clicks in my head. A companion, eternal. This is what he meant! And he left me just enough money for it! Jeez dad, I don't know whether to slap the mess out of you for being so cryptic or hug you! I mean..... If I could. I look around at all the ponies and notice two sharing a space. Two very similar and yet different ponies. Two twins. Flitter and Cloudchaser.

"Why are they together?" I ask

"They cannot be separated. Their bond is too strong for them to be purchased individually. Most don't choose them because they cannot support that many ponies in their family" He says

Well.... I'm all on my own and I really could use all the help and love I can get.... Ah fuck it

"I want them. I want Flitter and Cloudchaser" I boldly state

"Good choice. Simply continue to press on their image" He tells me.

I do so before they're consumed in a lavender glow. Their eyes open from their half-lidded state and they smile and high-five each other before disappearing.

"They are now being prepared. It takes a two month process to accurately grow and implant her memories. I should also state that she will be one of a kind. We here at Vogon pride ourselves of ensuring that our customers get exactly what they are paying for. You are getting Flitter and Cloudchaser. There will be no other versions of them made" He continues.

"So... How are they gonna show up?" I wonder

"They will be arriving in one of our transports. They will be dressed in one of the suits of clothes you can choose at this time" He says, gesturing over to a new window with outfits. Being background ponies, they didn't have much apparel so I chose a nice set of jogging suits and sweat-pants.

"Good choice. I hope you'll be pleased with them" He says before snapping his fingers, suddenly being replaced by none-other than Discord.

"My my, the twins? I never thought they might be picked. Ah, take good care of them." He laughs and hands me my receipt before disappearing.

I suddenly found myself staring at pony memes again...... Was I looking at memes of the twins before? Odd.

I took off the goggles and gloves and looked around. Well, if that guy hadn't just made off with my money, I'll be damned if I have company in this state. Especially permanent company. Everything was a mess, beer bottles, wrappers, everything. Thankfully, the home I live in used to be a class-A motorhome so it was sizeable enough to have a spare room. Two months... Then boom, my life would never be the same... I best hurry and get all squeaky clean.

I took all the trash and hauled it down to the dump where my good buddy Jerry gladly incinerated it. Next was the guest room and making it one again. Out with the junk and stuff. I had to rent a storage space for all of Pop's keepsakes. Thankfully, It was already a guestroom so all I had to do was get a holoprojector. I was about to set off on vacuuming when I got an email. I strapped on the goggles and gloves and opened up the email. It was from Vogon asking whether or not I wanted any fanfictions to be included in their memory. I decided against it, only because I didn't know any good ones. They would come as if they had come straight from Equestria. Good. Now, back to vacuuming.

All I had to do was survive two months. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy! I....I hope at least......

I've been swindled. Bamboozled. Had my chain pulled! All of the above!

Those fucking hacks stole my money! Ass-Holes! I'll go to court over this! I'll kill to get my money back! Why I Outta!

KNOCK KNOCK

I grumble and throw the door open. Standing before me was Flitter and Cloudchaser.... I couldn't believe it. I put a hand out to them and they both reached out to meet it. A spark, a flash.... and two warm smiles.

Author's Note

Boom! Wham! Done! I did it RJP! Special thanks to the gang over at Facebook, Y'all know who Y'all are! Merry Christma-.....What do you mean it isn't Christmas?.....Merry Vogonmas! Anyways, thanks guys, you are amazing! Now, I'm going to immediately rejoin Y'all on Facebook. Hurrah for doing nothing productive. But serious time. Thanks guys.