I Knew I Should Have Stayed Home Today
"Just what the fuck is taking this part of the ride so long?!" Diamond Tiara yelled in her ear piercing scream. "We get the point already. The suspense is killing me!"
Cherilee had decided to take her class to the annual Sweet Apple Acres carnival, and all the fillies and colts had agreed to go on the roller coaster. They hadn't counted on the fact that Applejack didn't know how to calculate physics and a recursive formula to get the carts to get past a loop. Now, the 4-car train was stuck on the precipice of a loop.
Apple Bloom leaned in to whisper into Scootaloo's ear. "Should we tell 'er?"
"Diamond..." Sweetie Belle spoke up. "I don't think this is supposed to be part of the ride."
"Not part of the ride? Are you actually saying that we're stuck here?"
"Yep. That's pretty much it."
"WELL, THAT'S JUST FUCKING GREAT!"
"Don't worry, Diamond. Someone will come along and rescue us soon enough." Silver Spoon muttered.
"Oh, right. All we have to do is wait for a bit."
Two Hours Later
"Diamond! I don't think anypony will get us down!"
"What gave you that ludicrous idea?"
"I think we were trapped here on purpose!"
"Aw, Celestiadammit, Silvy! I refuse to believe this! THIS IS ONLY A RIDE MALFUNCTION! THERE IS NO WAY THAT THIS COULD BE A PRANK!"
Any living creature that could hear or feel vibrations in the five mile radius collapsed in pain.
"But what if Discord really did trap us here? YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? WE'RE FUCKING SCREWED!"
"Really? Discord bloody trapped us again?" Featherweight groaned. "Can't he get another bloody hobby?"
"This park looked more fun in the commercials!" Snips yelled.
"I'm tired of waiting!" Snails yelled. "We need to call for help! Too bad nopony brought a phone!"
"Why can't we just shout down at those visitors down there?" Apple Bloom asked aloud.
"I never thought I would agree with that blank flank, but everypony do it immediately!"
"HELP!"
"WE'RE TRAPPED AGAIN!"
"UP HERE!"
"I should have brought sunblock..."
"I'M NOT HAVING FUN!"
"I LIKE SCREAMING RANDOM THINGS!"
"DID GERMANE WIN THE WORLD HOOFBALL CHAMPIONSHIP?"
"I'M UPSIDE DOWN!"
"...OR YOU'RE FUCKED!"
"Why are they waving at us?"
"Those imbicles thought we were greeting them...I KNEW IT! EVERYPONY IS AN IDIOT!"
*Ba ba ch ba-ba ba-ba-ba ch...*
Twist took out her Pearphone G-22. "Hello? Who's this?"
"I KNOW IT'S YOU WHO'S PRANK CALLING ME! YOU ASSHOLE! FUCK OFF! I WANT TO PLAY UNREAL TOURNAMENT!"
"Sorry, you got the wrong number."
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA-"
*click*
"Twist?" Apple Bloom asked sweetly.
"Uh huh?"
"FOR FUCKS SAKE! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT YOU HAD A PHONE?!"
"Nopony asked me for one."
"Whatever. Just call the fire ponies so they can get us out of here, peferably not on top of one of those zap apple trees."
"I'll call now."
*beep boop beop beep*
Twist suddenly lost grip on the smooth surface, and it fell to the ground and shattered into a million peices.
"Eh...."
"Don't tell me you lost the phone."
"It was a dropped call."
*badum tsss*
"HOW THE TARTARUS DID I EVER GET INTO THE SAME CLASS AS YOU?" Diamond screamed.
*ring ring ring*
"You have a second phone?"
"I almost forgot, I have a backup phone in case I do something stupid to the first one." She began to dial the fire department.
"Twist you must be very careful with this one. Make sure that you don't drop the-"
Twist dropped her second phone.
"phone..." Diamond stopped. "I'm going to be stuck in this shitty roller coaster with these idiots for the rest of my life. Why doesn't someone just kill me!"
"Well, I have a knife." Twist held it up/down for all the ponies to see." She lost her grip on it. "Oops...made that I HAD a knife..."
"DISCORD! GET US DOWN FROM HERE! DISCORD! DISCORD! DISCORD!"
"I highly doubt Discord can hear us from up here."
Crickets began to chirp.
"Well? Now what?"
"Since we are going to be stuck here for awhile, I think we should entertain ourselves."
"Oh, I know!" Featherweight smiled. "I could recite my poems!"
"Celestiadammit, Featherweight! Not that crap again!"
"You never appreciate my art!"
"Hey, I have a better idea. Let's tell joke-"
"NO! NEVER!"
"THIS IS BORING! AT LEAST AT ALL THOSE OTHER BLOODY PLACES, WE WEREN'T FREAKING UPSIDE DOWN THE ENTIRE TIME!"
*DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo* Discord fired off an air-horn.
"MY EARS!"
"Greetings, fools!"
"DISCORD!" Diamond slammed a hoof on the roller coaster.
"WHY DID YOU TRAP US ALL IN THIS ROLLER COASTER?"
"Because I thought it would be ironic for little Apple Bloom here."
"You're trapped up here as well! Dumbass!"
"I'm hungry. I think I'll go order some Taco Bell." He snapped his fingers and teleported away. He then appeared back several minutes later.
*Munch munch*
"Can I have a taco?"
*Mu-*
"NO! What the hell do I look like to you, a taco genie?"
"Damn you Discord and your product placement."
"You douchebag! Discord, if you don't get us off this thing..."
"...you're fucked?"
"DAMN YOU DISCORD! THAT'S MY LINE!"
"I'd love to sit here all day and annoy you, but I have to go. Oh, and I brought somepony as company for you all." He disappeared in a flash.
"What did he mean by "company?""
"THIS IS PINKIE!" Pinkie Pie yelled.
"No, this is the Sweet Apple Acres carnival!"
"PINKIE!"
"CARNIVAL!"
"PINKIE!"
"CARNIVAL!"
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"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!"
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! NOT AGAIN!"
"SO SAY WE ALL!"
"MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!"
"FOLLOW THE PRIME DIRECTIVE!"
"IT'S ALMOST AS IF SOMEPONY FORGOT TO CLOSE THE DOOR TO TEH INTERNETZ!"
"Was that backround music always there?"
"Not sure. How is it that this ride can hold so many people?"
"Why the elevator music on the coaster?"
"Must be a sick joke by He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named."
"Are you referring to me?" Twist asked.
"No, that was Dickord. Your name is Twist Butterhooves. Apple Bloom is now Mt. Blankmore."
"What did I ever do to you?"
"WE WOULDN'T BE STUCK HERE IF YOU DIDN'T AGREE ON GOING TO ANYWHERE BUT THIS CARNIVAL! NEXT YEAR, YOU'LL BE SUGGESTING GOING TO THE FASHION GALA!"
Later
"Well, things can't get any worse..."
"Welcome everypony to the Apple Family Carnival!" Discord opened the night festivals with his speech. "There's going to be many popular musical acts preforming tonight."
"Whats going on? I hear applause."
"Now everypony welcome our first musician today...RICK ASTLEY!"
"SAY WHAT?!"
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"I JUST GOT BLOODY RICK ROLLED!"
"WE ALL DID, DAMMIT!"
"Wait. It's moving!"
"We just missed the station!"
"The ride is getting too fast!"
"I do believe that it's not stopping!"
"I'M GOING TO BE SICK!"
"TOO FAST!"
"SOMEPONY STOP THIS CRAZY THING!"
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"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo................................................."
Special Chapter: Luna's Closet
"Okay, how the hell did we get stuck here?" Diamond Tiara groaned.
"D.T. Discord set up an extremely complicated trap, that ended up with Princess Luna stuffing us in her very cramped closet." Silver Spoon sighed.
"What the hell am I sitting on?" Scootaloo cried out. "This isn't a chair!"
"GET THE HELL OFF ME DAMMIT!" Sweetie Belle screamed at the top her lungs.
"DAFUQ!" Scootaloo answered. After the unicorn filly began to ramble on for a moment, the orange pegasus slapped her unconscious.
"It's ridiculously crowded in here!" Apple Bloom whined. "Do we have an escape plan or something?"
"WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?! ONE OF THOSE BAT PONIES WILL JUST SHOVE US BACK IN HERE!" Diamond yelled.
"Oh, look. I found a whole pile of Pokemon trading cards in here." Somepony said.
"What hasn't Luna stuffed in here?" Twist sighed. An elephant blew it's nose. "That princess has a serious hoarding problem!"
"First that cursed Roller Coaster, and now, this?!" Tiara let out a defeated cry. "Well, at least karma finally caught up with Bloom here..."
"Tiara, don't take the Roller Coaster thing personally. Applejack and I were trying to win a Douchebag award."
"Douchebag?"
"Featherweight? Can you come over here for a moment?" The young apple farmer asked. "Diamond doesn't know about the nnual Antic Master's Douchebag Award. Could you explain it to him?"
"It's a prestigious award for those who commit antics..." He said in his trademark accent. "...named after the famed antic-ologist Sir Epich Douchebag."
"Are you kidding me?" The rich filly groaned. "An award for antics...That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! If you think your half-assed excuse is going to work on me, you are sadly mistaken."
"Diamond," Silver said. "Good news! I found a phone and-"
"ME FIRST!" Diamond grabbed the Pearphone. "Hello. Rumble, is that you on the phone? Listen, I'm trapped in a closet with over half our class. Where you ask? It's Luna's Wardrobe. Hello? And hung up, did he? YOU MAKE ME WONDER WHY I GO TO SCHOOL WITH SO MANY USELESS BUFFOONS!"
"Oh, great..." Scoots sighed. "Now what do we do?"
"Wait for something stupid, I bet..."
Luna turned around in the Royal Dining Hall of the Canterlot Castle as the door opened.
"Surrender!" A grey colt demanded. "You're outnumbered!"
"O rly? By how much?"
"One against all you guys." He said to the princess and her whole platoon of bat pony guards. He paused. "Oh wait!"
"So, that's what happened?" Bloom asked.
"Well, that was a total embarrassment!" Diamond groaned.
"Hey, all I was trying to do was help."
"NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO HELP, JUST STAY IN PONYVILLE!" Silver screamed. "Now to get some professionals to get us out of this crazy shit."
Later
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Rainbow Dash, Thunderlane, and Twilight Sparkle marched into the dining room. "Release the hostages or else!"
Luna looked at them.
"Damn."
"I DON'T THINK EVEN A FREAKING ARMY WILL BE ABLE TO RESCUE US!" Silver screamed. "UNBELIEVABLE! LUNA IS A MADPONY!"
"MORE LIKE INSANE!" Twilight grumbled.
"I agree with you." A deep male voice said.
"Luna is completely out of control." A more feminine voice sounded out.
"Discord!" Everyone cried out. "Get lost!"
"Nopony ever cares about me..." Celestia sighed wistfully.
"THERE'S ONLY ROOM FOR ONE RANTING WEIRDO IN THIS WARDROBE!" The rich pony stopped. "Oh, Dear Celestia, did I actually day that?"
"I'm right here you know..."
"Wait a second. Don't tell me the trolo guy is here."
"I see no Eduard Khil here."
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
