Karkat Vantas was lost, and he had no fucking idea where he was, but apparently the stupid portal that landed him in wherever the fuck he was, was a news anchor room, and it was operational. He tries to turn it on, and with his own backwards way of doing thing, such as swearing and bashing the thing, it turns on, and he was broadcasting into the radio or the tv. He coughs and looked to see whether he was on the air.
“ATTENTION WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WORTHLESS ASSHOLES ARE, THIS IS YOUR GOD SPEAKING. IT IS A WRATHFUL GOD WHO CREATED YOU, AND WILL MOST CERTIFIABLY DESTROY YOU. THIS GOD IS ENRAGED, WHEN YOU PUT YOUR SHAME GLOBES TOGETHER, AND SPRAY VOMIT EVERYWHERE, OVER YOUR FAKE WORSHIP OF A FALSE GOD OF MIRTH, AND THE BULLSHIT MESSIAH FROM THE SAME SHANGRI-BULLSHIT-LAH PLANET IT COMES FROM, AND-!”
A gloved hand hit him sharply on the head. “Karkitty, quit it. You’re scaring the children.” A female voice spoke up, coming up beside him. “And you probably told our pursuers where we are.”
Karkat looked surprised that he got smacked by- did she just call him “Karkitty”? He prays that Nepeta, one of his friends, didn’t join him in this world full of incompetent creatures. “AND JUST WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, AND DID YOU JUST CALL ME “KARKITTY”? PLEASE, LET THIS BE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.”
He saw the young woman with long blue hair and expressive (Also very familiar) green eyes. She was wearing a simple off white blouse, a large red bandana around her neck under the collar of the blouse, thick leather gauntlets, blue jeans, and large leather boots. Also, she had a huge gun on her back with the large blade still attached.
She poked him between the eyes. “Ashley…. your girlfriend, remember?” She gave a sigh.
Karkat looked at her and looked somewhat sick. “WAIT, BUT TEREZI AND I…..WAIT, FUCK….I DON’T REMEMBER THAT? WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I REMEMBER THAT?! AND GIRLFRIEND, DON’T YOU MEAN MOIRAIL? WHEN THE FUCK DID WE BECOME THAT?!
Ashley sighed again. She didn’t know how many times she had this conversation with Karkat, her boyfriend before the sudden change to pony land. For some reason, his mind didn’t take well to the changing of species and his memories were constantly in flux.
“We met on Tumblr. We were both fans of My Little Pony. Your name was Tommy. We went to Comic con together,”
Karkat looked and remembered, but only about Tumblr, and the phrase “ My Little Pony”, but to him, pony was more human than he likes, so he remembered it as “My Little Hoofbeast: Moirailigence is Miracles”....or was it Magic. Damn Gamzee for making Karkat call it Miracles instead.
“OK, SO WE ARE GIRLFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND, BUT THAT STILL DOESN'T EXPLAIN HOW I- OH WAIT, IT DOES, ACTUALLY. FUCK, I REMEMBER BUYING SOMETHING AT A LOCAL CONVENTION, THEN…..FUUUUUUUUUCK! THAT VENDOR! I KNEW GETTING A NEW STRIFE SPECIBUS AND KNIFE WAS A BAD IDEA, AND THAT MEDALLION TOO THAT WAS GIVEN FOR FREE! THAT FUCKASS MUST HAVE WANTED SOMETHING!”
Ashley calmly put a hand on her boyfriend’s head to calm his raging. “Come on honey, we need to grab some food and leave before the guards you knocked out wake up.”
Karkat looked and nods, seeing the guards on the floor. “OH, RIGHT, THOSE ASSHOLES. FORGOT ABOUT THEM, BUT WHERE SHOULD WE GET OUR FOOD? I DON’T NORMALLY EAT GRASS AND SHIT, YOU KNOW.”
“The refrigerator.” She responded simply, walking away to the small fridge in the corner. “Won’t be much so we’ll have to do another raid in a few days.”
“A RAID?” Karkat was beside himself, but nods in compliance. “FINE, BUT WHY NOT JUST FIND A WAY TO APPEARIFY ONE OF MY FOOD LOCKERS? WE JUST NEED TO GET SOME TOOLS AND SHIT TO BUILD AN APPEARIFIER, HOW HARD IS THAT?
“Because we’re constantly on the run due to you trying to attack Princess Celestia when we first met her for ‘betraying Princess Luna.’ That’s why.”
“THAT WASN’T THE ONLY REASON YOU FUCK, THE OTHER REASON BESIDES THAT PARTICULAR MEASURE WAS BECAUSE IN EVERYTHING, SHE IS TRYING TO BE GOD HERSELF, MAKING HER WHOLE THING JUST AS FUCKING FAKE AS GAMZEE’S FUCKING SHANGRI-BULLSHIT-LAH MIRACLE PLANET!”
“Still, you tried to commit regicide when she could have found a way to send us home 200 hundred years ago.” Ashley opened the fridge and started grabbing various fruits.
“STILL, I DIDN’T TRUST HER, AND EITHER SHOULD YOU HAVE! JEGUS FUCK, SHE WAS JUST AS BAD AS HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION HERSELF! DIDN’T YOU SEE THAT?! SHE’S GOT HER HOOFBEAST CLAWS IN EVERYTHING, INCLUDING WHATEVER PONY BULLSHIT SHE HAS FOR A RELIGION, AND BAKED GOODS!” Karkat countered, not understanding why you wanted to take the sun hag’s side in regards to him.
“That’s because we really don’t have anything useful to her, other than your alien tech and my gun.” Ashley closed the fridge, putting the food in a bag. “Let’s get ready to go, I’m sure the royal guard will be here soon.”
“OH, RIGHT….WHERE DID I PUT THE TRANSPORTALIZER?” Karkat looks for it, and groaned when the ones he knocked out start to groan and wake up. “LET’S GET GOING BEFORE THESE ASSHOLES NOTICE THEIR FACES IN THE FLOOR.”
Ashley walked over after hitting the knocked out ponies with the butt of her gun to knock them out again. “Yeah.”
Karkat looks for any more guards and finds none, but the elevator was running. Possible reinforcements by the enemy, and right by the elevator was a trap, one of Karkat’s ~ATH file embedded into an explosive device, but the transportalizer was opposite the hall from that, on the other end.
The elevator dings, and a squad come into the hall. “SHIT, HERE THEY COME!”
Ashley took out her gun, getting ready. She winced slightly as she heard the inner voice whispering in her ears again.
Use me and wipe out these fools. I can take you home easily.
“Shut up.” She hissed, putting a hand to her head.
Karkat also grumbled about voices in his head, but unlike Ashley, he follows the advice readily, and dosen’t kill the enemies outright.
hey kid, dont stab these guys too bad, they don’t deserve your bloodied sickles or whatever. god, these ponies suck at attacking, remind me of my own kind.
“OH FUCK OFF JACK, YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE I’M FIGHTING HERE YOU FUCK!” Knocks out another guard in the process of arguing with his exile.
Ashley started hitting the ponies with the butt of her gun or the flat of the blade, charging on.
The guards just kept coming, like Agent Smith in The Matrix against two “Neo”s, and Karkat had sometimes little choice but to cut some of them with his sickles. “FUCK, SORRY MAN. OH SHIT, THAT’S WAY TOO MUCH BLOOD COMING OUT OF- HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU STABBING PAL!”
“Karkat! I see the teleporter!” Ashley called out, kicking one guard in the head.
“GET ON IT AND TRANSPORTALIZE, DAMMIT!” Karkat gets on right behind her and activates it, sending them to wherever their hideout was.
Ashley stumbled out into their hideout, a hidden cave in that one mountain near Ponyville. Mostly, they were there to keep an eye out for a certain purple pony. They had been there for 6 months.
She walked over to the gun rack near by and carefully put it down, looking back when Karkat came through.
Karkat comes through and just puts his sickles in his strife deck for later, and looked around outside. The buzz in the town was louder with the guards looking for him and Ashley.
“Well, at least we have some time to relax.” Ashley walked over to the calendar, the date of the summer sun celebration circled.
Karkat looked and saw the date, but forgot why it was circled. “SO, ANY REASON WHY THIS IS CIRCLED, OR IS IT JUST BULLSHIT? HONESTLY, WHY THE CELEBRATION FOR THESE HOOFBEASTS?”
“Because something important happens that day, honey.” Ashley started taking off her gloves. “Also, it’s a day to celebrate the sun.” She snickered lightly, remembering a certain meme.
Karkat groaned, putting down his phone and other stuff, including the food they had got. “LOOK, I JUST THINK WE COULD DO SOMETHING MORE THAN THAT. HOW ABOUT TRYING TO WRIGGLERNAP THE PRINCESS? WE ONLY NEED TO GET ERIDAN HERE….OR FIND SOME IDIOT THAT’S DESPERATE FOR A FOOD PAILING TO DO IT FOR US.” Karkat laughed and smiled at the thought happily.
“Easier said than done when said princess weighs a ton and can bring the sun down on us.” Ashely went and sat down on one of the large cushions in the room. “Also, we don’t have Eridan. We’re the only former humans in Equestria.”
“OH…….WELL SHIT, BUT IF SHE DROPS THE SUN ON US, DOESN'T SHE BLOW UP THE WORLD TOO?! THAT SEEMS SELF-DEFEATING, DEAR.” Karkat groaned and sat on a bean bag chair. “AND FOR STARTERS, WHY DON’T WE TRY TO FIND A WAY TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS DURING THE CELEBRATION?”
“Well, Celestia will be a bit busy then but we can get in with her student when she goes to the Everfree Forest.” Ashley smirked. “Then we can meet the best princess!”
Karkat looked, but heads to the drink fountain to get some Equestrian soda. “OK, SO WE NEED TO FIND THIS TWILIGHT PONY, AND SHE CAN LEAD US TO THE MOON PRINCESS. FUCKING FANTASTIC, WE ARE GOING TO BE SENT TO THE MOON!”
“Yup. Of course, I’m thinking of a plan to get us permanent housing that isn’t on the moon.” Ashley closed her eyes with a smirk. “And Twilight Sparkle is the key.”
“Ah-choo!”
Twilight looked up from her books, rubbing her nose.
