Happy Friends All Year Round

by Sir Squidfish

Rating: everyone
Tags: Big Macintosh, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike
Length: 1030

Just read it. You don't have to like it. But a fave would be nice.

Haters like to stereotype. They either think we all write Cupcakes, or else we write goody twoshoes junk about sweet little ponies and their happy, boring adventures. But apparently we as writers fail to be politically correct. We disregard obvious truths and exalt the random, funny, and exciting- all of which is apparently VERY BAD. So here's to you, haters. I have written a short, easy-to-read, rated-E fic. It's PC. It's mentally stable (I think). I even threw in a moral or two throughout to hopefully persuade people to live safe, healthy lives. And the whole thing is sickening. Funny, but puke-inducingly perfect. So read it. Enjoy it. And don't forget to bring a bucket.

Here's mud in your eye!
-Sir Squidfish

Published 2012-05-23 09:34:06 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-23 09:34:06 UTC

The Chapter. The only one.

Sunny Skies All Year Round
OR
What the Hoof Was That All About?

Once upon a time, in the beautiful and happy land of Equestria, there lived a pony by the name of Twilight Sparkle. She was very very happy and always full of sunshine and love and kindness for all ponies great and small. She had some friends, too! Their names were:

Fluttershy

Rainbow

Rarity

Applejack, and

Pinkie.

Oh, and then there was Spike.

One morning Twilight woke up and discovered that nothing at ALL was wrong- which was really quite usual, because of course ponies are for KIDS and there could never be any kind of unhappiness shown to THEM on television because that would totally wreck their self-esteem and whatever else the shrinks can think of. So she woke up and was happy. Then she went down to the dining room and ate a tasty nutritious breakfast, which her pet-- I mean, FRIEND-- Spike, had thoughtfully prepared for her. She said:

“Mmmmmm, this is very yummy, Spike. I am very happy to be eating this tasty nutritious food, as my doing so will keep children from starving in poor districts around the world. So I will eat this all.”
But Spike said:

“Oh, Twilight, may I have some of your mash?”

“Get you own bucking mash.”

“But I’m bucking starving I haven’t had anything to eat all day.”

So Twilight gave him some mash, and he was happy. For eating tasty nutritious food always makes little dragons happy, and as for Twilight, well, she had learned the joy of sharing. This made her very joyful and happy so she decided to write a letter to Princess Celestia about it. And this is what she wrote:

“Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that sharing can be fun. It is not fun and lovely to be selfish, because then it makes you feel bad. So I will try to be nice to everypony and not selfish, because then I will be happy and get good grades.

With nauseating amounts of love and cheerfulness, your fateful student,
Twilight Sparkle”

After she wrote this, she decided to go visit her friend Applejack. So she did. And this is what they said:

“Howdy, Twilight. Shore is good ta see ya round these here parts I reckon, by hayseed, I reckon, pardner, I reckon.”

“Oh, hello Applejack. My, it is a beautiful day out, isn’t it? It is just perfect for reading a book. Today I am reading ‘Hop on Pop’. It is a fun and educational book. So I am reading it because it’s OK to be smart.”

“Well, that’s real nice, sugarcube, I reckon, real great ta see ya reading, I reckon, I reckon.”

“So what are you doing today?”

“Oh, I reckon I’ll probably kick some apple trees, because that’s a real good way, I reckon, to channel my anger into a productive, healthy job, which is real wonderful, I reckon, because then I don’t have to kick ponies anymore. I reckon. And it’s a real great and dandy way for me to ‘take it out’ on somethin’ without any destructive behavior, I reckon.”

And Big Macintosh said:

“I have been doing some extensive psychoanalytic research, and I have recently discovered that the ‘paper mache’ approach to loosing feeling of anger is highly suggested in trustworthy fields of psychiatric study. Indeed, several well-known PhDs recommend this exercise as a way of ‘letting go’ of past feelings of hatred and malice and moving on. Very effective, or so I have been told.”

“AhEM?”

“Oh, I mean, uh… Aaaaayup!”

“Thank you for that,” said Twilight, smiling encouragingly at the big stallion. “We all make mistakes sometimes. The important thing to know is that we ALL do it, and it’s OK. And always remember: Ignorance of the law is no excuse.”

The farm ponies nodded and thanked her several times for her valuable insight and help. And then Twilight decided to go back home and get ready for bed, because she had had such a fine time talking to the Apple family that she had completely lost track of time and now it was night. So she went home and was happy there again. And she read another book, Green Eggs and Ham, and said:

“Spike, while this book is entertaining, I hope you realize that you should NEVER actually attempt to eat green eggs and ham without an adult present and his or her consent. You see, in real life, green eggs and ham are a high risk food because of the deadly molds, E. Coli, and Salmonella that often inhabit them. So if one of your friends ever tells you, ‘It’s OK, just eat it’, I want you to RUN. Don’t be afraid to ‘tell’ on anypony who is doing something unsafe, because in the long gallop, you are helping them. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, thank you Ms. Twilight. Although in my opinion, since the only folks I ever hang out with are mares decades older than me, I probably will never be faced with a situation like that. But all the same, it is wise, healthy advice, and I will do well to heed it. For then I will be happy and full of sunshine, just like you. You’re- you’re my hero, Ms. Twilight.”

“Well, thank you, Spike. I will try to be a good role model and hopefully no one will think to question why I have any legal right to you in the first place. But now it is time little dragons were in bed. So, sweet dreams!”

And so then Spike was gone in bed in like 1.32 seconds and Twilight settled back in her chair with yet another book, this time To Kill a Mockingbird, because it was required. And she read it and was happy. And then she went to bed so she could have yummy dreams of flowers and bunnies and meadows and trees and helping her very, very dear friends like she always did and loved to do so much. And in the morning she woke up and had a day

JUST

LIKE

THIS ONE :)