A Meal Well Worth the Mess

by Whateverdudezb

Rating: mature
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1672

A dinosaur suddenly appears in Ponyville. It then promptly pursues dinner.

A dinosaur suddenly appears in Ponyville.

Soon after, death and gore of the most gruesome caliber commences.

...Kind of.

Cover image belongs to Calvin & Hobbes creator, Bill Waterson.

Published 2015-07-10 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-10 04:10:01 UTC

Just Mind Your Manners

It happened on a clear and sunny day.

In the town of Ponyville, the residents of the small commute were filled with content joyfulness as they casually went about with their day-to-day affairs. While their town was infamously the least tranquil settlement that there ever was, a fact much rejoiced by its rambunctious and individualistically-varied citizens, the town's occasional moments of serenity were still very much enjoyed and appreciated by its inhabitants, many of whom were currently blissfully enjoying their afternoon lunch.

But what many of the residents of Ponyville did not know though, was the fact that their town was about to receive a terrible visitor.

And this terrible visitor was looking to enjoy his own type of afternoon lunch.

Outside of a finely-established restaurant, where tables were set for paradoxical customers who wanted to enjoy a fancy meal while also wanting to bat away at annoying flies at the same time, there were two patrons of this restaurant, a mare and a stallion, who were sitting at one of these tables and conversing with each other as they took occasional bites from their meals. Unfortunately, the subject of their conversation, undoubtedly pleasant as it most likely was, had the misfortune of being forgotten when the stallion pricked his ears up in surprise and sat up a little straighter.

"Hey," he said, slightly startled, "did you... did you feel that?"

Across from him, the mare tilted her head to the side in confusion, "Felt what?" she asked.

But before the stallion could answer, he felt it again. And this time, he could see from her startled expression that the mare felt the same sensation that he did.

Slowly, the both of them turned their heads toward the glasses of water that sat on their table. The clear liquid contained within the glasses was flat-surfaced and still for the most part, at least until...

Droom!

A terse ripple flowed out radially across the water's surface as the glasses vibrated for a short second from the deep, booming tremor that sounded off. Both of the ponies stared at their cups mutely, quite unsure of what they were seeing.

Droom!

Again, another terse ripple flowed out across the water's surface as it accompanied the heavy tremor, this time causing the table to join in on the vibration.

Droom!

The two ponies turned to look at each other, their eyes locked with each other in shared, wary trepidation.

Droom!

In the Everfree forest, a cacophony of birds near the woodland's edge flocked en-mass out of the greenery ceiling in erratic fear, while from within the forestry depths the loud snaps of cracking branches and the deep, painful moans of thick bark echoed out of the ancient maze of trees like the tortured groans of an animal's numb body being slowly mauled.

Droom!

Bark screamed as a rotted tree on the edge of the Everfree forest timbered over into the clearing between the town and the wild.

Crunch!

A massive, taloned foot slammed down onto the fallen tree's trunk, its bark shattering under the heavy appendage's weight as a terrifying roar bellowed out across the field. Frightened ponies all across Ponyville were startled out of their wits as they heard the monstrous roar echo across their commute, and those that were at the outskirts of their settlement turned towards its source and subsequently froze in fear at what they saw.

There, across the field between Ponyville and the Everfree forest, stood a dinosaur.

Standing at a towering height on two legs, the dinosaur was a massive beast of muscle and bone that managed to balance its almost-overbearing size with its large tail that swung about in the air behind it. With a monstrous maw filled to the brim with curved and razor-sharp teeth the size of large daggers, this dinosaur exuded an undeniable carnivorous presence. What was worse though, was that the tiny arms that hanged from under it, along with its incredibly massive frame, indicated that this was not just any carnivore or any dinosaur for that matter, but a specifically famous apex predator.

A Tyrannosaurus Rex had come to Ponyville.

Death and destruction everywhere.

The denizen screams of terrified ponies filled the air of Ponyville as the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex charged through the streets. Wherever the great dinosaur roamed, fleeing stampedes of ponies trampled over one another as they attempted to gallop away from the hungry maw of teeth. But it was all for naught as the long strides of the King of Dinosaurs provided plenty of chances for its maw to chomp down on the many tiny ponies. Even a couple of the pegasi were caught unaware and doomed by the surprising speed of the ferocious predator, their tails being snapped between its jaws just as they were about to reach a safer altitude.

Yes, there were many brave souls that had attempted to fight off the large carnivore: the unicorns with their magic, the pegasi with their dive bombs, and the earth ponies with their strength; and they were all systematically eaten—the last thing they ever saw being the row of razor-sharp teeth lining the dinosaur's jaw before being mangled by them. Those that had made the tandem effort to defeat the Tyrannosaurus with numbers found many of their cohorts crushed under the beast's mighty heel whenever its jaws were still filled with their friends.

Throughout this destructive rampage, it was not long before the Tyrannosaurus Rex came upon two ponies sitting at a table outside of a fancy restaurant.

At the sight of the enormous dinosaur approaching them, the stallion stiffened in fright and froze, "Don't move a muscle," he whispered to the mare beside him without turning his head, "its vision is based on movement."

What the stallion did not know though was that the mare had already ran off as soon as she saw the Tyrannosaurus Rex approaching them. For you see, she was actually a paleontologist and so was quite aware of the fact that the T. Rex not only did not have vision based on movement but also most likely had even better eyesight than they did. She admits that the 'standing still' strategy might have had a slight chance of working if the dinosaur had frog DNA encoded within it, as it is frogs that have eyesight based on movement, but she seriously doubted that that was the case for this dinosaur. Though it would explain why the Tyrannosaurus didn't have any feathers all over its body, which she believed completely ruined the experience of having a dinosaur rampage through the town.

And so it was, with the knowledgeable mare fleeing the scene, that the stallion was left alone with the hungry Rex.

Sinking its teeth into the screaming pony, the T. Rex shakes its head from side-to-side, spraying blood everywhere as one of the pony's legs is torn off. Triumphant again, the Tyrannosaurus drops the mangled body onto the table before releasing a mighty roar of victory that strikes fear into all those that hear it. Then, with savage ferocity, the King of Dinosaurs begins his feast. He starts with one of the pony's remaining legs, tearing it off with his teeth and enjoying the crunchy flavor as the severed limb travels down his tongue.

"Spike..."

Next, the head.

"Spike..."

Expertly maneuvering his teeth around the equine's skull, the beastly Tyrannosaurus takes immense pleasure at the sickening crunch of bones being crushed as he closes his jaw and tastes all of the spilt—

"SPIKE!"

The terrifying Tyrannosaurus looks up from his meal, the cooked salmon falling from his mouth and landing on the plate with the rest of his prepared dinner as he focuses on the Princess of Friendship sitting across the table in front of him.

Princess Twilight had a look of restrained revulsion on her face as she gave the monstrous dinosaur a small glare, "Look, Spike," she said in a hushed tone as she tried to keep her lunch down, "I know that you're a growing, young drake and that you've got some... predatory instincts inside of you, but could you please slow down and chew a bit more quietly? I only take you out to these expensive restaurants once every few months so you can have some specially-ordered meat, but if you continue to make a scene like this and not show any manners then I just might have to reduce that to once a year instead."

The Tyrannosaurus Rex blinked his eyes, coming out of his stupor as he looked down at his meal to find chunks of mangled and slobbered salmon remains covering the plate and littering the table. Suddenly, the King of Dinosaurs became self-conscious of the tiny droplets of blood that surrounded his mouth, along with the hushed conversations of the restaurant's customers who sat around him; their judging eyes falling upon his back.

Hoping to rectify this situation, the dinosaur's tiny claws quickly reach out for the unused fork and knife that sat on the table, much to the satisfaction of the Princess.

"Thank you," she praised with a pleasant smile as she returned to her own meal of vegetable cuisine.

And so the terrible Tyrannosaurus Rex, with the appropriate silverware held within his tiny arms, resumed eating, mortified that somepony might see him in an unsophisticated light.

fin

Author's Note

When I was a kid, my mother always tried to get me to eat my vegetables by convincing me to pretend to be one of those herbivore dinosaurs, like the Brachiosaurus.

But I never wanted to be a Brachiosaurus. I always wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex instead.

Also, I've been behind in my writing. Can you guess why?

Every time I watch this trailer, I can't help but think, "Huh, see it again? That's a great idea!"

List your favorite dinosaur in the comments below. And don't even pretend that you don't have one.

Everyone's got a favorite dinosaur.