Cultural Exchange

by Pickleless

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Dark, Comedy
Length: 9246

A man is recarnated into a colt.

A man is reincarnated into a pegasus colt, and is dumped into an orphanage.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-26 07:25:59 UTC

Mind over matter?

Honestly, I feel worse for my friend Kevin than I do myself. I mean, I'm not in pain right now. At the time I didn't know where 'now' was, but even as I was, I felt sympathy for my friend. I mean, I'm not burning in some fiery hell, thank god for that. I'm also not in eternal nothingness because occasionally I see a speck of light, as if it was shined through a incredibly thick curtain. No, instead I feel bad for my friend who now has to live with the fact that not only did he kill someone, he killed his own friend in front of a bunch of children. Maybe trying to film an amateur home video at the local park was a bad idea. Or worse, not informing my friend that BB guns at point blank can kill a person if strong enough. For that matter, poor kids! Seriously, that is not something you need to see growing up... So yes, I hold no ill will towards the guy, I mean. It's not that bad, really.

Really, I'm fine.

I didn't know where I was back then, but now I'm aware that I happen to have spent approximately 38 weeks in a womb. An experience that I personally found creepy as all hell. This probably wouldn't be too bad for someone who didn't watch scary flicks or play horror games growing up. Or maybe it would, I wouldn't know. Interesting thing is, a lot of creepy noises made in that stuff is based off the sounds the insides of a body makes. Probably the most famous one being a heartbeat, and I heard a heartbeat alright.

I heard a heartbeat for 9 and a half damn months.

I heard a lot more than that. Why did the womb have to pressed up against the intestines? Seriously, I don't need to hear indigestion in high detail! Every strange noise the insides of a body makes will be burned into my brain for eternity! Luckily, I was only sapient for about... 6 weeks? Maybe 8, Its hard to have a proper sense of time when everything is just darkness and strange noises. Speaking of being sapient though...

Sapience, an old french word that means "good taste, good sense, intelligence, or wisdom." More commonly used nowadays to describe something similar to consciousness. Something awake, and more importantly, aware. Also known as having human nature. "I think, therefore I am." All that jazz. I can assure you, I was not sapient at first. I existed, but that's it. I can recall back to existing, but I can not say I was sapient.

I feel as if... I was a computer. I was programmed to do many tasks, but that's it. I could not think or feel. I did have desires or concerns. All of my body was dedicated towards going from a sperm in an egg to a fully formed baby. I could not think, therefore I am not, and yet... I was. But only that. I was not happy, nor sad. I was not scared or relaxed. I was, I simply was. Nothing more, nothing less.

So with that being said once I was more than machine I freaked the heck out. I'm not sure if god exists, but if he does I marvel at his ingenuity. My eldest brother is an incredibly intelligent man. He was the smart one, the middle brother was the charismatic one, and I was...

...

Um.

So my eldest brother was an incredibly intelligent man, an outstanding sense of memory, a curious mind, great at learning things by taking them apart... When he was 9 months old he was already speaking full sentences. Many of my mother's friends would freak out when they would gush over how cute the tiny baby she held was, and it would respond "Thank you." and he could remember that. Remembering things at being 9 months old, amazing!

We were not made to remember things in the womb. If we were though, the process of obtaining cognition is done very smoothly, I've gained a great respect for the growth of a baby. How gradual I gained thoughts, staring at the warm, dark wall of flesh before me. I didn't question where I was or how I got here, I've been here for 9 months prior and I was content. It was only when I got bored, which was in the first couple minutes, that I started realize who I was again.

That's why babies kick by the way, they're bored. Talking to them is a good way to make them stop. Or, you know, excite them further, it's a bit of a gamble.

I started to question who I was, how I got here, all of the existential crisis we face when you live in the modern day time period. A time of recreational activity and fun for all who live in 1st and 2nd world countries. Such a time when the commoner has room to stop, breathe, think deep thoughts; followed by wondering where the hell they came from.

Anyway, as I was saying... thinking? Narrating? Whatever. As I was explaining, I went through the existential crisis we all go through nowadays and came to the conclusion for my efforts that I was wrapped up tightly and shoved in a warm, wet little sack that aliens kept me in to monitor me. Needless to say I tried to break out.

That may have possibly been the worst day of my mother's life.

I imagine a normal baby, or maybe fetus would be more accurate, would be in awe to have the ability of simple thought at that stage. Not that they would have anything to think about really...

...

What would a fetus in the womb think about? Dream about? Dreams are our minds way of discarding junk information we don't want, so would they dream of either sounds they didn't like, or the absolute lack of anything to do? Maybe would dream about their mother's voice. It's something I heard frequently in here. Maybe, just maybe, they think and dream of things similar to what their mother dreams about. Newborns can feel the emotion their mother is feeling when drinking their milk. Perhaps more than that is passed on. I know I've had some unusual dreams about flying and preforming shows while I was in here...

The time had come.

Babies scream a lot at birth. It's understandable, getting birthed probably sucks as much as giving birth. Now I know for a fact that yes, being born was a painful, horrible process. First off, having your mother break water feels weird. When you have been nothing but wet, to suddenly have dry, empty space around you feels odd. Felt worse when the mother is rushing to a hospital and you bounced around a little in there.

My Mother's screams of pain and some of the rushed, tense voices of doctors is incredibly unsettling. Like I said before, I could feel my mother's emotion, and those emotions were panic, annoyance, and... hatred. That last one would concern me if I wasn't currently freaking out as much as her.

Being squeezed out of her uterus and through her cervix and vagina.

Even the dead don't know peace from this evil. I would know! I AM dead and I DON'T know peace from this evil! Gah!

Someone once told me, 'Well, imagine being squeezed through a hole the size of a quarter.' I would like to correct them! It's much more like 'Well, imagine being squeezed through a TUBE the size of a quarter!"

Ow.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...

And THAT is why babies scream, ladies and gentlemen. It hurts, it startles you, it makes you emotionally unstable, it sucks. babies are made of cartilage practically for the first stage of their life, but it's cartilage on a sensitive body that does not like it when the baby bends a way he should not. Upon birth, you use your lungs for the first time, which is an organ which has not been used up to this point. Possibly worse for me because I know fetuses are suppose to subconsciously practice breathing movement and I'm not sure if I did or not. Getting touched hurt, I was sensitive all over from being squeezed through a tube. Noises made by anything sounded too loud due to how they've been adjusted to pick up muffled words from my mother and others. Having your eyes see bright light, especially BRIGHT ASS HOSPITAL LIGHTS THAT GLOW AS STRONG AS THE FREAKING SUN hurt a bit.

As I was shaking from the traumashock, they laid me down against my Mother's arm and chest.

She was a horse demon thing.

Hello horse demon thing.

It was understandably horrifying. I'm not sure if there's an experience in life that can relate to being birthed by something very inhuman. My mother winced as I started to scream bloody murder hide behind my hooves WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES?!? as she stared down at me. Collecting myself, I notice there was no love in her eyes, only regret. She babbled something to the doctors and off I went to be put into a nursery.

That was the last time I saw her.

It's the exact same yet completely different.

The world I live in now is a strange, magical one. It consists primarily of horse people, of what I've seen so far, and some horses seem to have magic powers, some can fly, and... some can't do either. There are pegasi, unicorns, and normal horses. Well, as normal as can be, they have disturbingly huge googly eyes that gave me the willies until I adjusted. The world itself is your typical fantasy setting. If you were to ask me if it was A: 'A children's cartoon show' or B: 'A dangerous, monster filled death trap.' I would say, "Yes." Seriously, this town gets attacked by something different every week. It was less horrifying and more inconvenient when the giant parasite spider broke into the orphanage a while back.

Speaking of orphanages,  I began my new journey into horse land being the humble occupation of a pegasus orphan. You would assume the strangest part of this new body would be my wings. They don't weird me out much; It's because they're so alien that I'm not bothered actually. I can't easily relate to it so it doesn't screw me up, learning to flap them is like learning to walk. It was the hind legs that threw me for a loop. It's like having backward kneecaps. I still feel weird every time I bend those suckers. The mental image that I was walking like a dinosaur really helped me take a shine to the change of my mobile functions.

I spent a lot of my early days slamming my head into the ground. The lack of muscle and balance really stood out, but unlike a child who would give up after a couple tries and wait a bit, I was relentless. I wanted to move, I was stuck in a warm, wet flesh sack for over 9 months and I was done being stationary thank you. It drove the orphanage care taker absolutely nuts. He had a hard time watching the others because of me. Whenever his back was turn I just got up and right back at it... Thinking about that, I feel a little bad for causing him so much grief.

Oh yeah, babies hit their heads against a wall because it gives them a bit of a high. I learned that the fun way!

You would think that being an adult would give me an advantage on my learning curve, and you'd be right, being an adult gives me a HUGE advantage on my learning curve. Normal babies pay attention to the silence between words and how words are grouped together. After religiously studying adults talking, they usually are able to go from crying and moaning to babbling things that sound similar to words in a year. By the time they're two, babies generally can say words and form short sentences. I am currently six years old I can articulate as well as an adult. Regardless of the fact that I have better temperament than a child I still had to work pretty hard to get there.

This does bring up the question, how exactly does my brain function? I'm not an expert in any sense on the human mind, but at the very least my prerequisite psychology courses taught me that certain mental concepts don't form in the brain until you are older. Using the most simple example I know, newborn babies can't comprehend that an object that left their sight still exists. I think even before that, anything that leaves a baby's sight they completely forget about. Yet here I am able to remember the face of the mare who gave birth to me this time round.

...I think I may have come to terms with reincarnation a little too easy. Then again, I did have a month to myself in the womb with nothing to do but think...

Anyway, obviously my brain development does not follow the standard procedure. Is it the memories of my spirit or something? I mean, technically I should have no memories of my previous life since this isn't my original brain. One could argue that possibly my memories were transplanted from one brain to another, but that sounds as equally difficult as "I decided to pluck his spirit away from the afterlife and shove it into a horse fetus." Let's not even get started on WHO reincarnated me, if anyone did at all.

I think I would have to have some sort of prodigy scientist who happened to have incredible powers tying into the spirit of this universe or world examine me, but fat chances of someone like THAT living around town...

I apologize, I went on a tangent, I believe I was talking about learning how to talk and read.

I couldn't make out what anyone was saying, so instead of focusing on everything at once like a normal baby, I narrowed down my efforts to things I valued more. I was ahead of the curve when it came to speech because I tried to cheat and learned how to read first. The head of the orphanage, a nice stallion by the name of Special Touch who-

Stop laughing, he's a really swell guy.

A nice stallion by the name Special Touch, who helped me learn to read after watching me stare intensely at books for a couple weeks. He would grab picture books and point towards pictures of a drawing while saying the word associated with it. I am proud to say that by the time I was three and a half,  I could read a daring do novel with only a little help now and then. I read, a lot. I would request trips to the library a check out books whenever I could. My nickname around the orphanage soon became bookworm.

Funny things about words, You could have wide vocabulary, and a firm grasp on what the words meant, but unless you heard them spoken out loud, it's a little hard to know how to know how they're pronounced. Which I learned the hard way. After a few conversations with the kids in the orphanage and Mr.Touch, I quickly realized that I was pronouncing a little over half of the words I knew wrong. It was a bit embarrassing.

Through books and speech I learned a lot of things. I live in the magical land called Equestria. These are ponies, not horses. They are called earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns. This is a kingdom technically, not a nation. It is ruled by two alicorns by the name of Celestia and Luna, furthermore, A nearby kingdom called the Crystal Empire is ruled by the alicorn niece of our rulers. Interestingly enough, another alicorn lives in our town by the name of Twilight Sparkle, and while she is in a definite position of power, she's more of a governor than a flat out queen like Celestia and Luna. Technically they're all princesses but I find that a bit silly, it's a little difficult to know where they all are in standing of another when they all carry the same title.

Despite living in the same town as Princess Sparkle I've never had the pleasure of getting to see her in person. To be honest I know next to nothing about her except for the fact that she used to be Princess Celestia's student and now she's an alicorn. History books don't actually state much about the alicorns oddly enough. Everything I said before about them as been through what I heard from others, mostly Mr.Touch. The closest thing I found to a historical document was a picture book retelling how Princess Celestia and Luna fought and Celestia banished Luna into the moon for a thousand years.

That helped me realize that getting on any of the royalty's bad side would be a terrible, terrible idea.

I should probably talk about my life in the orphanage a bit.

I live there with four other orphans currently. I would have to imagine none of their parents live in town, especially in a small village this. Speaking of which we have a huge gaudy castle taking up one fourth of the town-

Ah, I'm getting off topic.

I was shipped off in a boxed-in flying vehicle that took me from some floating cloud town with rainbow lakes and waterfalls. I think this orphanage might be a popular dumping spot for parents who want insurance that they won't ever see their child again, which is a bit sad.

One of them is a tiny little mare named Sweet Deal. She's about 3 years old and I was sad to see the poor thing arrive. I've tried my best to a good older brother figure to her. I'm gotta say, playing with babies is a lot more tedious than I first thought. What she found incredibly entertaining was really boring to me.

Then's there Silver Sword and Golden Gun, they're both earth pony mares. I think ponies are named after their calling in life, because Silver loves hitting other kids with sticks while Golden likes throwing rocks at them. They're fraternal twins, at the age of 12. Those two are pretty much peas in a pod, and they don't take kindly to someone messing with the other one. They're both tolerant of me, but it's obviously they think of me as that really annoying little kid they wish wasn't underfoot all the time. Because of that, I generally leave those two alone. Their favorite activity is to rough house anyway.

The last one is a pegasus mare by the name of Scootaloo. She's 26 and she's lived here her whole life. She has two close friends named Applebloom and Sweetie Belle who come by often to invite her along on... whatever it is they do. Scootaloo's wings don't work properly, because of that, she can't fly. She loves athletic activities though, so she frequently is seen doing what looks like parkour to me along with going through obstacle courses on a motorcycle. Despite owning a motorcycle, she seems to prefer riding a scooter around town when not in a hurry. She acts like a big sister to the rest of us here. She's definitely a tomboy, and teases me a lot for liking to read so much. It's pretty obvious she doesn't mean anything by it though.

Only other people- er, ponies of note are Mr.Touch and Pinkie Pie. Mr.Touch is really motherly for a male, absurdly so. Because of his permissive nature, I've made him go nuts while growing up. He's not as concerned about me as he is about Gold and Silver, but he's still wary of me. Pinkie is... The Pink One concerns me. She only shows up to throw parties, usually for someone's birthday, and she has WAY too much fun playing with little kids. No normal, healthy minded individual is that excited to be around children. I've got my eye on her...

Most of time, I'm either reading a book, or playing with Sweet. That's about to change soon though.

Tomorrow is my first day of school.

The first day always sucks.

"Hello there, you must be the new student! Mr.Touch said you would be coming today." The optimistic looking mare said.

"Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you Ma'am." I politely replied.

"Well, aren't you well mannered!"

She said it with a casual smile but I could feel the relief rolling off her.

I'm Miss Cheerilee, why don't you come up front and introduce yourself?"

"Yes Ma'am."

I remember my first day of class as a human. My Mom dropped me off. Right as soon as she started walking away I broke into tears. I acted as if I was beaten and traumatized the whole day and broke into tears again when she arrived. The sad part is all we did that day was draw pictures and play with blocks, I bet you anything that's what I'm going to be doing today too. Ahhhh, I was a gentle soul growing up... No, scratch that, I was a little menace, but I was a very emotional little menace. Regardless, I plan to be a lot less trouble on my first day of school as a pony. As long as I'm polite, quiet, and do my homework I doubt the teacher will have a problem with me. Not that I can't raise my voice... I walked up to the front of the class and smiled.

"HELLO!"

Everyone winced. Oops, too loud.

"I- I mean, hello..."

Too quiet. Come on, quit clowning around!

I took a deep breath, held it, and let go. "Hey everypony, my name is Willy Nilly, it's nice to meet you all. I hope we have a fun school year together!"

And then, they all stared at me.

And stared.

"You sound like an stuffy old pony!" some earth pony colt from the back yelled out.

Getting off to a great start here.

"Short Temper, you apologize right now young stallion!" The teacher scolded.

"Pff, sorry, I guess..." Temper lamely said.

Well, at least I know who the troublemaker in class is going to be.

"Now kids, remember what I told you last time in class?" The teacher smiled.

Cheerilee's smile grew thin at the blank, empty-headed looks they gave her.

"Now what do we do when a pony introduces himself?" She asked.

"OOOOOOOOOHHH!!!" The whole class cried out at once.

All the little colts and fillies started clapping and welcoming me to school. They were all talking over each other and it was a blurred mess, but hey, it felt a lot nicer than the mindless stares from before.

"Willy, why don't you go sit down next to Prism right over there." Miss Cheerilee pointed near the back.

I gave her a nod and headed towards the empty seat she pointed at. In the seat next to me was a pegasus colt with jet black fur and a prismatic name, much like his name implied. His eyes were a dark shade of auburn, which contrasted his coat rather nicely I feel. He seemed a little nervous. I gave him a friendly smile, which only seemed to make it worse. I'll be honest, I didn't expect to be goofing up this much. What am I doing wrong here? Maybe this is how it is for every new kid, but I expected that for something closer to elementary school, not kindergarten. Assuming I still am in the equivalent of kindergarten.

That's definitely something to look into. Looking at the other kids in the classroom, I notice they were all older than me. If I were to take a guess, Prism would be about... 2 to 3 years older. That kid who razzed me looks like he's a year older than Prism. Maybe kids all just attend the same class due to having such a small town. I wonder if that will make socializing easier or more difficult...

"ALRIGHT CLASS, GET STARTED!" Miss Cheerilee cheered.

Oh crap I wasn't paying attention. Other kids got out of their sits and started opening bins, grabbing crayons and papers. Ha, drawing pictures and playing with blocks, called it! On one hand, I really rather not hang out with 7 to 10 year olds simply because I would have a hard time relating to them; On the other hand, I didn't want to hang out with other little kids when I was actually 6 because I had a hard time relating to them. So honestly, I think the best course of action would to be as friendly as I can be during this school life. One of the most important lessons I feel I've learned in life is to not be afraid to look stupid.

"Hey there!" I winced at the crappy false enthusiasm in my voice "Wanna draw a picture with me?"

"U- uhhh..." Prism shuffled in his seat, looking nervous.

"Hey Prism," A light green little filly with a rich red mane called out, "Hurry on over, will ya?"

"Sorry..." The colt mumbled as nervously trotted over to his friends.

I would probably be a little upset if it weren't for 1: I'm an adult, 2: He's a tiny kid who was peer pressured by friends to do something he wanted, and 3: Oh my goodness he is so nervous I can TASTE the therapy sessions he's gonna need later on in life.

Welp, that was a bust.

Alright, so the kid I sat next to has his own little friend group consisting of five other ponies. He looks to be the youngest among them, which probably explains the self confidence issues, or at least contributes to it. Looking around the class itself I spy about... 16 students, including myself. Prism's group makes roughly one third of the class. It consists a pegasus, unicorn, and earth pony of each gender. A bit of an odd coincidence. Short Temper seems to be the self appointed leader of the group, commanding the others to draw a certain picture.

The two oldest students were a unicorn mare and pegasus colt. They seemed to be off in the corner, talking in hushed voices, laughing occasionally. They give the vibe they don't want any of the other kids, especially the youngest ones, bothering them. The next two oldest were a pair of unicorn colts huddled over one desk. Ever heard the term 'eyes shining with intelligence?' These two are the opposite. One look in their eyes and you knew they were as dumb as bricks. It seems they BOTH somehow got a crayon shoved up their nose and they're desperately trying to get it out. Cheerilee seemed to as noticed as well and shook her head. 'Like fathers like sons.' she mumbled as she passed me. Next down the line in age was Prism's group, followed by three earth pony fillies were gossiping with each other, giggling on occasion.

All that was left was one little filly. She had cream colored fur, with a light pink mane and eyes. The poor thing was quietly drawing on a piece of paper by herself. Well, if this isn't an opportunity I don't know what is! I made my way over to her, trying to psych myself up.

"Hi there, you wanna draw together?" I tried to say in a warm tone.

The filly stopped drawing. No, it would be accurate to say she completely stopped moving.

"...Hey, are you alright?"

No response.

"Would you be upset if I sat here?"

Still as a statue.

Okay, she's shy, that's fine, maybe after sitting next to her for a couple days she'll open and end up being really nice.

...I hope.

Please.

I get to work drawing a picture of a human, because it's not like anyone is gonna know what one is, and if they do, I would really like to know why. Halfway through my picture I notice that my... 'friend' has started drawing again.

"That's a really good picture." I comment.

She becomes stiff as a board again, great.

I continue to draw myself as a human to the best of my ability. The tension between us is killing me. Luckily, the bell rings and it's time for recess. Everyone practically jumps up and runs out back. I decide to instead pester my teacher for a bit. Oddly enough my new 'friend' stays completely still in her seat as I rise.

"It was really fun drawing with you, thanks." I say gently.

No response, whatever. The teacher is too busy messing with her papers to notice me standing near her desk, so I politely clear my throat.

"Oh, Willy!" Miss Cheerilee smiled. "How is your first day going sweetie?"

"Great!" I lied.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it, I see you made a friend."

"Yeah, she-"

I look back and see she's already gone. Wow, I didn't hear her move at all.

"Wow, she's stealthy." I blinked.

"Yes, I never see her come in or out of classroom..." The teacher frowned. "But I'm glad she finally made a friend! Make sure to keep an eye on her, friends look out for each other."

That seemed a little forced.

"Of course." I replied.

"Thank you Willy! Now, what can I do for you?"

"So uh, how does the grading system work exactly?"

"I beg your pardon?" Miss Cheerilee raised an eyebrow.

"What I mean is, after a year, do we pass this class? It seems like kids of many different ages are all attending the same course."

"Oh!" Cheerilee's eyes widened in realization. I think I heard her mumble 'didn't expect that.' "Well, Ponyville is such a small community due to the... exciting things that happen in town sometimes."

Translation: We live next to a satanic forest of doom that shoots out monsters weekly, and no sensible pony would ever dare to live here, even with a princess in town.

"Because of that, I'm really the only teacher in town and we don't really all that many students. So, I teach all the children between the ages six to twelve from six in the morning to eleven, and then I teach all the children twelve years older and up from eleven to four in the afternoon."

Oh, that make sense. I imagine she can address each student separately and help them work at the their own pace. Great for learning, not so much for making friends your age though. Not like there's anything she can do about that. I guess I now know why she was happy I made friends with... whoever that was.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" She said in a patient tone.

"Oh, no thanks! I appreciate it Miss Cheerilee."

"No problem, now you go have fun!"

"Yes Ma'am!"

And with that I trotted my little butt out into the playground. Wanting to keep my promise, I looked around and tried to see if the filly was I talking to was anywhere nearby, she was sitting on a swing.

Short Temper was harassing her.

"Come on, you're not even swinging, you're just SITTING there!" Temper growled. "If you're just gonna sit on it, why not sit on the chair over there so I can SWING on it?!?"

"It's okay Temper, we can play with something else." A dark grey filly with a purple mane said. She was one of the six in his friend group, I believe.

"But it's dumb!" He stamped his hoof. "Why can't we play with the swing if she's not even USING it?!?"

"Sometimes it's nice to just slightly rock on the swing while you think." I speak up, causing him to glare at me. "I know you want to swing, but you should be nice and wait your turn."

Short gave a cry a frustration and shoved me to the ground.

"Butt out, this isn't your problem!"

Every child around me, except for my mystery friend, of course, stared at us as if some terrible tragedy just commenced. And I guess for a kid, this would be world shaking, but, you know, I'm kinda an adult, technically. I rose back up, and everyone stared at me.

And stared.

...And stared.

"Well go on, get out of here!" Temper tried shooing me away.

Oh, right! I'm in a conflict.

"Temper!" The gray filly scolded.

"Look, I don't want any trouble. That filly and I are friends, I just don't want anypony yelling at her." I raised my hooves in a placating manner.

"Oh yeah? If you're friends, whats her name?" He countered.

Crap.

"Temper!" The gray filly grabbed his ear between her teeth.

"OW, hey!" Temper cried.

"We're really sorry, don't mind him, he just gets easily cranky. Bye," She said between clenched teeth as she dragged her friend away.

Well that happened. I turn around and see that... She's no longer on the swing, great. Welp, might as well make use of it...

The rest of the day went by fairly normal. Temper continued giving me the stink eye, and my mysterious friend was magically back in her seat when I saw her again. I was halfway paying attention to the teacher until I noticed she disappeared from her seat! What the?..

"My name is Second Shadow."

I jumped out of my seat and spun around to see... No one there. Someone just whispered in my ear!

"Willy, are you okay?" Cheerilee asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah." I sat back down, realizing I was making a scene. "Yeah, I'm just fine."

The filly, or rather, Second was back in her seat.

That's not ominous.

We're kitty cats.

There are a lot of people out there who are far more critical on themselves than they should be. I'm not always one of these people but when I'm in a group I respect or want to impress I definitely get this way. Actually, I'm pretty sure that's normal for most people. As I walked home from the school, I replayed the day in my head and tried to work out what I could've done better. A lot of them were obvious, like 'don't goof up introducing yourself ya doofus.' but the thing that really got me was Second Shadow. It's hard to believe a girl her age could be so... 'eccentric.' Logically, I had to do something to make her so unsociable, and yet, I can't think of anything.

These ponies blur the line between human and equine further by having all the vocal mannerisms of a human, but a lot of physical social cues of a horse. Well, if I ever wanted to know what a kid with Aspergers felt like, now I do. My mind keeps trying to shoehorn in human characteristics where they don't belong, furthermore, I'm having a harder time picking up equine social cues more than I thought I would. I'm not sure if this is because I'm stuck in a human mindset or not. Different cultures around earth used many different social cues, something harmless in your country could be a huge offense in another. There are jobs surrounding learning these cultural differences. Because of this, I believe it's more that I'm bad at adjusting to new cultures than me originally being a human.

I mean, I don't think that's a bad thing! Everybody is born with strengths and weaknesses. I'm sure that I'll get along just fine if I work at it... Forgive me, I went of on a tangent.

I was feeling rather down due to my bad first impression and the fact I didn't really pay close attention to my teacher in class. I know it's just kindergarten, but I want to try and get good grades make more friends this time through. Not many people get a second chance at childhood, after all.

So up to this point, most everything I've said is pretty on par with humans, But this is where it starts to get a bit different. When I first started to get adjusted to how my current species' looked, I came to the conclusion they looked like some silly mix of a horse and a cat. Turns out I was not far off as ponies like to lick each other, a lot. Mothers and fathers will clean their kids, friends will just start cleaning each other on the spot. Whenever a pony is feeling down or notices another pony feeling depressed, they'll start to lick them for comfort.

I'm living with clown colored horse cats, what is my life?

So of course Mr. Touch licked me clean quite a few times when I was a baby. Heck, even Scootaloo did it on occasion. Being a small sack of soft flesh, there wasn't really anything I could do to stop them, but boy did I try. I was known for a being a fussy baby when it came to cleaning. As I got older I became used to getting cleaned, but I still don't like it. Everyone at the orphanage knows this, I think I may have given the feeling I don't enjoy close contact because of that.

Anyway, after my first day of school ended I said goodbye to my... 'friend' and walked home. When I arrived at the orphanage, Gold and Silver dragged me away to their room. Where they proceeded to glare at me quietly. Today just seems to be one of those days. I tried giving them a smile, they did not smile back.

Starting to get concerned for my safety here.

"Look," I raise my hooves in a placating manner, "if this is about how I ate the last of the cake before you two got home yesterday, I'm sorry. I was into a good book and didn't really think it through."

Both of them seemed to grimace at that.

"Hey..." Silver's voice was unusually soft, "how was school today?"

Oh!

Ooooohhh...

"It was great!" I smiled. "Thanks for asking, I was a bit nervous, but it was nothing I couldn't handle."

Both of them were smiling now. That's nice, they were just worried about my first day of school. I'm really touched, that totally makes up for-

"So nopony bullied you?"

"Huh?"

"Did anypony mess with you?" Silver pressed.

Did Short Temper really count? No, not really. Maybe some kids would be bothered by that. If I was an actual six year old, I probably would've been pitying myself all day, but as it is...

"Of course not." I assured them.

They were glaring at me again.

"Willy." Golden spoke up.

Golden speaking up is bad, she never really talks. Golden referring to me by name instead of 'kid' is even worse.

"If somepony picked on you, you can tell us. We're your big sisters."

Really?

"You guys look at me as your little brother?" I say without thinking.

That seemed to take both of them off guard.

"Of course!" Silver rolled her eyes. "What did you think we were? I mean, we live in the same-"

She never got to finish their sentence, as I tackled the two of them with a hug. Both were thrown off for a second before they awkwardly hugged me back. I don't care what else happens, today was a good day.

"I've never had big sisters before..." I whisper.

"Before what?" Silver chuckled.

I wisely chose not to answer that.

"As adorable as that was, we're getting off topic." Golden quietly states.

Dang it.

"Willy, my name is Golden Gun, and I hide gun magazines under my bed."

If I wasn't riding off my 'big sister' high, I'd probably find that creepy.

"Our sister's name is Silver Sword, she has a hidden knife collection she keeps sharp and clean."

I'm riding off my 'big sister' high, and I find that creepy.

"Your name is Willy Nilly, and every time something bad happens to you, or you hear something you don't like, you either examine it like some sort of document or make a snarky joke in that smart-alec little noggin of yours."

Well I guess that confirms that ponies' personalities are determined by name. Or are their names determined by personality? I mean, I'm not too different from how I was as a human I think. Still, I feel bad for the pony named 'Fine Wine' or 'Nose Candy.' I mean seriously-

...Dammit.

"Point I'm trying to make here, is that everypony here knows that you could get your foreleg cut open and your response would to poke at it and make little 'oohs' and 'aahs' at how the inside of your leg looks." Golden sighed.

Hey, I like to learn, there's nothing wrong with that! I can't help but feel like this is akin to racial profiling...

"Nothing bad happened to me," I asserted, "I went to school, introduced myself, drew some pictures, listened to a lecture, and walked home."

All of that was true, I may of left out a little, but I wasn't lying.

"Nothing else?" Golden Gun glared at me again, man those two can be scary.

"Well, I made a friend."

Who is a stalker, maybe.

"Really?" Silver grinned, and pinned me down, oh no. Please no.

"Y- yeah, what are you-" I shivered when I felt a tongue slide against my mane.

Nooooooooo...

"So who's your friend?" Silver said between licks.

"U- uh, a filly by the name of Second Shadow- HEY!"

Golden pressed up against my front, sandwiching me between the two. They were double teaming me! I shuddered as I felt her tongue on my back.

"Please stop, I'm feeling really uncomfortable!" I squeeze myself into a little ball.

"Oh look, mister clinical is getting all squeamish." Sliver licked my cheek. "What is with you and licking anyway? You act like it's painful and never clean anypony else."

"I'm sorry, I just don't like getting licked- NOPE!"

I catapult out of their hooves.

"Are you okay?" Golden spoke up.

"NO! NOPE NOPE NOPE!" I backed up against the wall. "NO CLEANING DOWN THERE! NO, NO TOUCHING WILLY'S WILLY!, EVER!"

"Willy's willy." Silver snorted while shaking her head. "Kid, you have problems. Look, nopony ever casually cleans somepony genitals, I was getting the area around it."

I like she how she specifically added in the word 'casually' there.

"Look, I really appreciate you guys looking out for me. You both are the best older sisters ever. Just... please, please don't tease me when it comes to cleaning."

"No promises~!" Silver sang.

Great.

"I'm glad you made a friend." Golden smiled.

"Yeah," I smiled back, "thanks. I'll have to bring her over sometime."

"I'm right here."

"AH!" Silver and I jump back.

Golden simply blinked.

Behind me, she's right behind me! How long had she been there? How had she got in unnoticed? Why is she staring so intensely at me?!?

"O- oh, uh... Hi." I 'eloquently' say.

"Hello." Second whispered.

Uh oh, Golden has that 'where is the nearest sharp object I can throw' look.

"Sisters, this is my friend Second Shadow. Second, these are my older sisters, Golden Gun and Silver Sword."

She didn't take her eyes off me, not even to glance at them. My newly christened sisters were as silent as my stalker.

Friend.

As my friend.

"Interesting friend you got there." Silver frowned.

"Second, what are you doing here?" I questioned.

"I walked home with you." And she answered.

...She states it as if that explains everything. Well, I guess walking home is what friends do, but generally both friends are aware they are walking home together.

"Thanks for walking home with me." I give her a smile. Might as well make her feel appreciated. "But why did you come inside the orphanage?"

"I didn't say goodbye yet."

I find it hard to be mad at someone wanting to have good manners.

"Oh! Well, since you're already over, you can stay and hang out for a bit if you want!" Might as well be sociable too!

"No, I have to hurry home, my Mom gets worried easily."

"Oh, okay. Thanks again for walking home with me, bye!"

...She continues to stare at me.

"I think your friend has a few screws loose there kid." Silver shook her head.

Golden stayed deathly silent, as did Second. Why has today been so weird?

"Um, Second? You okay?"

"Yes." She said ever so slightly louder than before.

"Okay then, bye Second."

Silence.

"Feeling nervous filly?" Golden finally spoke up in a somewhat, predatory manner. "You're sweating bullets."

Really? I looked closer and noticed that, yes, Second is sweating out a waterfall. If I listened close I could hear heavy breathing, although her mouth didn't move.

"Good-..." She whispered.

We all leaned in close.

"G- good-..." She barely murmured.

I had my ear up close to her mouth.

"Up!" I jumped back as she shouted into my ear.

We all looked up where she pointed, and then looked back down. She was gone.

Well that happened.

"Where did she go?!?" Silver looked around frantic.

"Yeah, she uh, she does that." I sighed.

Both of my sisters stared at me.

"Kid, that kid is weirder than you, and that's saying something." Silver shook her head.

"I don't like her." Golden growled.

"Me too, but the weirdo is the kid's first friend, so try not to scare her off alright?"

Golden grunted, but made no argument.

Well, I've had enough strange things happen for the day, I think I'll-

"Willy?!?" Mr. Touch hurried through the front door. "WILLY! There you are! You are were suppose to wait at the school for me! You are in so much trouble!"

Ahhhhh fiddlesticks...

School life.

It's been a week since I started attending Ponyville's school. On my way to and from school I am accompanied by Second. For the first three days I didn't even know she was walking- er, trotting next to me. The first time I actually interacted with her is when I almost called her out at lunch. Every time, every single time she instantly whispers "yes?" into my ear right before I call her name and scares the heck out of me.

I've learned that I'm bit more unprepared than I thought. School is five hours long, as Cheerilee told me on my first day here. The first half hour is spent socializing with the class. Drawing pictures together, maybe playing with a toy someone brought, all that jazz. The teacher frowns upon students being late within the first half hour but they're usually not punished. Then we open up with social studies, followed by math, each being an hour long. Then we have recess and lunch at the same time. We eat, and play with the time we have remaining. After that, we have an hour of general science followed by English, then we're sent home.

Social Studies is... odd. I mean, it's the study of equine social activity, I knew it was going to be different, but I didn't expect this. Pony history is vague at best, and a lot of it's issues were solved through magic or magic powered by concepts. Actually, magic seems to be frequently powered up through one concept: Friendship. Friendship seems to actually be a quantity of... something, that ponies use to, uh, power up? And then stop bad things that just kinda pop up out of nowhere?

For that matter, where did the alicorns come from? Roughly 1000 years ago, and it's always a 1000 years ago! Unless it was last week; Apparently evil likes to strike by the millennium. Anyway, 1000 years ago, the Alicorns fought over this, stopped that, helped this, found that... Which is great and all, but then history just stops at a certain point. I mean, what, we can't just ask from the source where they came from?

"Excuse me, Miss Cheerilee?" I raise my hoof.

"Yes Willy?" She beamed at me.

"Where did the four alicorn princesses come from?"

"Excellent question Willy! Nopony knows how Princess Celestia and Luna came to be, but we can pinpoint their first appearance somewhere between 82 to 94 years after the unification of the three pony tribes."

The what now?

"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza ascended 32 years ago in a small village called Hoofsburg near the crystal mountains. She was a pegasus filly adopted and raised by a Earth Pony couple, and live there happily till an evil pony by the name of Prismia used a love stealing spell."

32 years ago? Wow, that's recent.

"The Princess courageously challenged the witch and found a way to reverse her spell. Upon defeating her, she was ascended into the Alicorn of Love!"

Hey now, aren't we missing a lot of important details here?!?

"Princess Twilight ascended 18 years ago right here in Ponyville!"

That's even more recent! Where are all these alicorns coming from?!?

"One day, while researching an incomplete spell from Starswirl the Bearded, she swapped the cutie marks of her best friends. When she fixed her friends, she ascended into the Alicorn of Friendship."

Wow, that was a lot less impressive than Princess Cadenza.

"Thank you Miss Cheerilee." I nod my head.

"You're very welcome Willy." Cheerilee smiled.

Math was painful, but at least I knew why. Math still works the same, thank goodness, but all the symbols and terms are different, so I'm pretty much relearning math in a different language. I was ahead of the curb on reading and writing, so I didn't need to study to ace any test related to learning horse noises. Of course the language isn't really called English or horse noises, but I'm telling you this in English, so I might as well try to keep this from being confusing.

Science has been covering how magic works in our body. Pegasi feathers and hooves act like glue for magic, which allow them to fly and push clouds around. Unicorn horns are made of a special bone that works like a magical lightning rod. This allows them to both cast magic and be very accident prone. Earth pony muscles are slightly larger than other ponies and are full of magic, which they burn through to strengthen themselves or the things around them.

So to summarize, pegasi stick, unicorns attract, earth ponies give. That sorta explains things without explaining anything whatsoever. Considering they teach that to elementary school kids in about one day it's also probably inaccurate. To be honest, with the way things are going, I don't expect to get an answer for anything anytime soon. Maybe I should get a notepad and just jot down notes wherever I go. Would that be weird? I live in the same town as the Princess of Friendship. I imagine she probably tell me to go join some sort of club rather than research.

Living in a orphanage is kinda inconvenient for trying to have spending money. Maybe I could a get a job. What place would hire a little colt though? I'm not even allowed to walk around town yet. Ugh, maybe once-

"Willy."

Goodness! She is practically on top of my back whispering into my ear! How did she even get there?!?

"Hey Second, what's up?"

"Can I sit with you?"

"Yeah, sure..."

I give her a smile. Well, at least she's gotten a little more talkative. Whenever she sits with me though she just disappears. I'm guessing she just stays nearby or something? Whenever I ask her about it she simply gets all quiet. I've come to accept that she'll open up when she feels like it, I just hope that's sooner than later.

Since I am in school, and it's all about learning and the social experience, I figure having one friend (sorta) is no excuse to not make more. So, starting from youngest to oldest, I decided to pester the other students. Second and I are the youngest, so... Second's older than me. I mean, once you reach a certain age, you have to attend school. She was already here, so she must be older than me. Huh, that's kinda odd to think about-

Distractions. Distractions everywhere.

So the three closest to our age groups are these three earth pony fillies named Oopsie Daisy, Violet Rose, and Sunny Valley. Ignoring the tragic life that the first one is probably going to have, I approached the three with confidence.

"Hello-"

Oopsie proceeds to knock me into a desk while turning around. Not really all the painful, but I'm uncomfortably aware that all these fillies are bigger than me.

"Ooooooh! Sorry about that~!" Oopsie explains in what is very clearly a calm and thoughtful tone, " I didn't see you there lil' guy! You're Willy Nilly right?"

I watch as all three proceed to give me the ditzy blonde giggle. I can easily see why Second Shadow would feel uncomfortable among these three. Regardless, I clear my throat and give them my best winning smile.

"Hi! Yeah, my name is Willy Nilly. I don't really know anypony else besides Second Shadow, and I wanted to get to know my other classmates better. Could I play with you three?"

The three of them stared at me with a blank expression. This is going well.

"Sorry, I haven't really hanged out with anypony else, so I don't know if I did something wrong or not."

"The colt has extremely troubling unchildlike behavior!" Sunny screamed.

Uh-

"He's so uncomfortably polite!" Oopsie moaned.

"He's so stuffy!" Rose wailed.

Geez, I'm sorry!

"U- um." I manage to stutter out before I get cut off again.

"He's Cursed!"

"Hexed!"

"Enchanted!"

I'm what now?!?

"He's stuck acting like a stuffy old pony!" Sunny draped an arm over her eyes.

"His curse will spread to us!" Oopsie gasped.

"The horror, the horror!" Rose grabbed her face in... well, horror.

I proceeded to watch the three of them scream as they ran out of schoolhouse.

"Sick of this shit..." Ms.Cheerilee mumbled as she passed by me, going after them.

...

What the hell just happened?

No one's gonna bother explaining that? Is it something that normally needs no explanation? No really, everyone else didn't even blink an eye. Is this the norm for us? We're naked clown colored cat horses that live near a forest that shoots out demons daily and little children will randomly start screaming the horror and will run away due to the slightest provocation?

What is this life?

What is my life?

...

So next on the list is Prism Jewel's friend group~! They suddenly seem way more... relaxed in comparison now. I hope they're nice to me! I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Please let somebody in this school be normal. But of course, like all things that are doomed to go wrong, I feel something poking my side. Second is sitting to my left staring at me. Her eyes glance over at Prism's group, and then back at me. She slowly shakes her head.

That's promising.

You know something is very very wrong when the person who has your best interests in mind is a introverted stalker.