Pinkie's Revelation
The front door to the castle burst open as Pinkie raced in. She was a mare of action and would not be held back by a mere door! Such maresogyny would not be tolerated! She was a mare of power, a mare of great standing, and no self-respecting mare let something so base get in the way of her ambitions!
"Twilight, Twilight!" Pinkie screamed, stamping her hooves on the ground. She'd long learned that the best way to get someone's attention was to throw a big enough temper tantrum, and like magic it worked.
"What is it, Pinkie?!" Twilight shouted, racing down the stairs. "Is it another bugbear attack?" The princess's eyes were squinted, trying desperately to ensure that there was no immediate threat.
"No, nothing that silly, silly!" Pinkie said, trying to placate her friend. "I'd never be stupid enough to spring that on you alone."
Twilight let out a relieved sigh. "Oh, that's good."
"Yeah, if that were the case, all five of us would've showed up."
"But what if only three of you knew about it and each split up to gather the rest of the crew?" Twilight inquired.
"Well, maybe then-"
"Or what if you're the only pony that knew and came to me first so that i could send a beacon to our friends?"
"Well maybe that might-"
"What if the rest of the crew were to tragically die in combat and you and I are the only things between a monster and the rest of the Ponyville populace?"
"Well you're making a good-NO! That's not the point, Twilight!"
"Get to the point then." Twilight crossed her hooves. "You've just woken me from my much needed sleep."
Pinkie grimaced, but she wouldn't be so easily deterred. "Well I found another interesting fact today. It turns out misogyny runs deeper than we thought."
"Pinkie..."
"I thought that it was just a disparity between social policy and social outcome under the veranda of the modern socio-political climate, but boy was i wrong!"
"Pinkie..." Twilight stared at her friend in confusion.
"But no, this apparently runs deeper than we could possibly have thought!"
"Pinkie!"
"Yes, Twilight?" Pinkie asked with her biggest grin.
"There is no misogyny in modern pony society. There never was any misogyny in our society; you're mistaking us for the minotaurs up north." Twilight managed to slip on her hipster glasses and fedora somewhere in the middle of her speech. "In fact, with our leaders always being female and every major function of the state being run by mares, I'd go so far as to say that there is mare privilege in Equestria."
Pinkie gasped. "Mare privilege?! What could you possibly be on about? I was just getting to the point where I prove misogyny once and for all!"
"Oh? Well then, do tell. I'm fascinated to know what could possibly discredit mare privilege when we're making a hundred bits for our counterpart's seventy seven?"
"No, silly, that's just social outcome. Every stallion has the same opportunity to become just as wealthy as any mare alive." Pinkie snorted. "It's not our fault that they're so spineless and can't get anything done. Every mare knows that stallions belong in the kitchen."
"They do not!" Twilight fumed. "I'll have you know that my brother is an exalted member of the royal guard and an accomplished prince of the north!"
"Yeah, but doesn't your brother seem to act a bit, I don't know, mare-ish?"
"No!"
"Come on, Twilight, when's the last time he sat in his room all day making himself handsome?"
"Well, never, but that has-"
"Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, that clearly is the answer!" Pinkie smiled deviously. "You know as well as I do how much stallions just sit around, preparing themselves to be our studs."
"You're such a traditionalist, Pinkie."
"I know, it's true!"
"Well, what was this mindblowing thing you were going to tell me?" Twilight trotted into the castle's kitchen, opening the fridge to pull out a pitcher of ice cold tea. "I'm sure it can't be any more intellectually stimulating than the other rhetoric you've spewed so far."
"Har-di-har-har, Twilight Sparkle." Pinkie rolled her eyes. "No, this is a proven scientific fact that dates back to the stone age!"
"Oh? Do tell, Pinkie!" Twilight wore a smug grin. "I'm all ears."
"Yay, we're finally on the same page! This story has been so disjointed so far. Well get this, mares have been forced to do all of the childbirth since the beginning of time!"
"Oh you couldn't possibly be more-what?"
"I know, that's what I thought at first!" Pinkie stood up on her hooves, her face slack-jawed as she tried to emulate her initial reaction to the news. "Apparently somewhere in our earliest times, we decided to make mares do all of the work, raising children from conception to birth entirely on our own! We could've shared the load equally, but no!"
"Pinkie, I don't think-"
"Of course the chauvinistic pigs we call stallions just had to make sure that we were stuck forever with the burden of responsibility! I cry bull-hokey!" Pinkie stood up on top of Twilight's kitchen table. She managed to pull out a black flag, complete with the traditional skull and bones jack. "It's time to take a stand, Twilight, a stand for what's right!" Twilight just sighed.
"Excuse me, Pinkie, but I have something I need to do."
"What's that?"
"Fetching my hammer."
The End.
