Author's Note

If you're in this story for the sex, then you can skip this chapter.
As for everyone else who cares about plot, and not minding conversations that go off track from time to time, then this chapters for you.

Reading...time

“Are you sure there’s something in here that can help us?”

“There has to be. Twilight has books on everything, right Twilight?”

Twilight sighed, getting a bit exhausted with having to help Pinkie and her lingfriend in trying to find a book for them. “Pinkie, not everything has a book about it.”

“You sure?” Pinkie asked as she looked through all the shelves. “Cause the books I’ve seen you read have been about everything.”

“It’s not that; It’s just hard to find something about the two of you.” Twilight explained. “It is a strange relationship.”

Doomie rolled his eyes. “Oh please, there’s way weirder relationships than the one we have, I hear about my brothers dating other creatures from griffins to DD’s...even one brother fell in love with a breezie. really can’t remember what their names were. All I know is that they have been at it for over a year.”

Twilight didn’t even want to know. “...Interesting. Now, can we please find what you two are looking for.”

Doomie tilted his head. “Why are we here again?” He asked.

Pinkie bounced over to him. “We’re looking for something about the both of us, Doomie, ya know, things that a pony and a changeling should know before we-”

“I know that, what I mean is why here? In a tree house?” Doomie looked around the room, not very impressed with the decor. “Isn’t there somewhere else we can look? Especially some place safe.”

“You can fly to Canterlot.” Twilight suggested sarcastically. “And what do you mean by ‘safe’?”

Doomie tapped his horn. “I’d demonstrate by bursting into green flames, if you know what I mean?”

Twilight glared at him. “If you even think about burning this tree into the ground.”

Doomie held his hooves up defensively. “I’m just saying that sooner or later this house is gonna burn to the ground in some way.”

Knowing that was impossible, Twilight simply rolled her eyes and said, “Sure it will…Now, can we please find the book you two looking for so I can get back to dealing with these” Twilight unfurled her wings. still trying to get use to them

“When were you gonna to test your wings out anyways?” Pinkie asked, taking hold of one of them.

Twilight yanked her wing away from her and furled them. “I was going to read up on flying today, that was, until a pony and a changeling asked me to help them with their sex problems.”

Doomie blushed. “I-It’s not a se...well, it’s not...it’s...it’s complicated.”

Pinkie’s face went red as well. “We just wanna know if we can actually...ya know...do it safely.”

Twilight dragged her hoof down her face, still a bit flustered by this changeling. “Does it look like I know how a changeling reproduces?”

Doomie shrugged. “I dunno, you’ve read a lot of stuff. You should know something about this...Hey, if you’ve read a lot of books, don’t you think you’ll ever...ya know, run outta stuff to read?”

Twilight looked at him like he asked the most insane question she’d ever heard. “Run out?” She paused for a few moments before laughing a bit too creepily. “T-That’s impossible, Doomie. T-There’s a vast number of books out there that still need to be read, I haven’t even scratched the surface yet. A-And just because I know sooner or later I’ll run out doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing!”

Doomie and Pinkie looked at each other before looking at Twilight, seeing a few strands of her hair come out of her mane and a slight twitch in her eye. “Um...you okay, Twinklight?” Doomie asked.

Twilight managed to control herself when Doomie mispronounced her name again. “It’s Twilight, and yes. I’m fine. Now, can we please just find the book over on this shelf here please.”

Doomie looked over at the other side of the room, seeing a shelf with a few books that looked a bit dusty and misused. “What about this shelf…” Doomie pulled out a random book and inspected the cover. “‘So...you want to be an uncle?’” He read out loud. “What’s this about?”

Twilight snatched the book out of his hooves and placed it back. “That story isn’t for you, or for anyone really.”

“What do you mean?” Doomie asked.

“What I mean is that this book, along with its two sequels, were awful. I can’t believe I wasted twenty minutes of my life reading them.” Twilight turned away. “Let’s just focus on finding-”

Doomie pulled out the same book. “What’s so bad about it, I mean, besides the title.”

Twilight groaned and turned back. “It’s just a bad story that should be pushed off a cliff with the plot it had.”

“It’s that bad?” Pinkie asked.

Twilight nodded. “Yes, it is. Even the author himself regretted writing those stories, at least his other ones aren’t that bad...they’re not great, but still.”

“What about this one?” Doomie pulled out from the bottom shelf. “‘A battle on the carpet’ This looks interesting.”

“Tell that to the hundreds of ponies who didn’t read it,” Twilight said, lifting the book out of his hooves with her magic. “All they did was move on to a newer story that had title bate, or picture bate, or was about a book along the lines of what you two should be looking for.”

“Stories about sex is better than this?” Pinkie asked, opening the book while it was still in Twilight’s grip.

“Pretty much.” Twilight nodded and pulled the book out of her clutches. “Ponies usually read stories like these over thirty times.” She scratched her head and put the book where it once was.. “Not sure why, but it seems the same plot, theme, and outcome are so interesting that it needs to be written dozens of times.”

“Hey, look at this one!” Pinkie pulled out another book from the same shelf. “‘it’s a filly?’ That’s a weird title.”

“That one’s even worse.” Twilight said. grabbing the book and shoving it back in with the rest. “It was really promising, but the ending was just awful. That book really let me down.”

Doomie continued looking through the books. “‘Weeds grow back’” Doomie was about to open the book, but Twilight snatched that away as well.

“HEY! Spoilers.”

Doomie glared at her and grabbed another book. “Will you stop snatching books out of my hoof! I was just looking at it. You’re acting like I don’t know anything about them. Well, listen here, Twitly, I know a lot about books.” Doomie was about to open it, but Twilight placed her hoof on the front cover.

“Twilight…” She corrected again. “And what do you mean?”

“What I mean is that changelings read things too, ya know. Even this one changeling scout reads all the time, he even reads the same books over and over too. He’s messed up.”

“How many books did you have back home?” Pinkie asked.

“Not much.” Doomie answered, looking at all the works of literature in the room. “You ponies have way more books than we do, most of ours are just learning stuff, but not stories, that’s our older siblings job, we don’t even have books about...uh.” Doomie inspected the front cover of the book in his hooves. “Arac?...areak?...akrac?....” Doomie tried reading the title, but gave up and flipped to a random page. “What kind of word is that...t-tha...” He froze for a few short seconds and stared at the pages with wide eyes before he-

“AAAH!” Doomie then flung the book to the opposite side of the room and hid behind Pinkie.

Luckily, Twilight caught it with her magic grip before it hit the floor. “Doomie?” Twilight said. “What’s wrong with you? Why did you just-”

“S-S-Spa...spaaahaaa...Spaaaie...spi…” Doomie continued holding Pinkie.

“Spy?” Pinkie said. “That books about spies?” Pinkie smiled. “Does it say anything about leather suits?

Twilight looked over the pages. “Uh, Pinkie, I think your lingfriend has something.”

“Has what? Another book?” Pinkie looked at Doomie, still seeing him clinging to her and shivering.

“Spie...Spiiieheher...spieeehahahahaaaaer…” Doomie dug his face in her neck, not wanting to face the book’s direction.

“Spyer?” Pinkie looked back at Twilight. “Are you sure that’s not about spies?”

“Not ‘spies’ Pinkie.” Twilight then flipped the book pages to Pinkie, making her flinch at the illustrations that were drawn. “Spi-ders.”

“Spiders?” Pinkie laughed. “You’re scared of spiders?” Pinkie hugged him. “How could you be scared of them, they’re totally friendly if you-”

“F-Friendly?...Friendly!?” Doomie pulled away from her. “Pinkie, that...thing, right there, in the book, is the one thing us changelings can’t ever face, even our older brothers didn’t tell stories about those things they were so bad.”

Twilight looked at the book again. She could understand spiders being a bit scary, but having an actual fear of them. “You’re all afraid of spiders? Why are you afraid of-” Twilight thought about this for a bit before realizing the answer. “Oh, right...bugs...spiders...yeah…”

“Those things took away so many of us! I-I heard that they suck the blood out of a changeling, just to see it’s death slowly come as it looks deep in your eyes, a-and that’s just the mercy killing.” Doomie started circling the room. “T-The other times t-they just wrap ya in a web of terror and feed off you piece by piece or just throw ya at one of their demented spider giants, o-o-or dissect ya while making you watch, o-or clap to some demented song! As it feeds you donuts while talking about striped shirted chil-”

“DOOMIE!” Pinkie grabbed his shoulders and shook him violently. “Calm down! Get a hold of yourself!”

“B-But what if one of those horrible creatures come into this town...T-Twilight told me all about things coming from that forest on a daily basis. W-What if it’s...t-that thing!” Doomie pointed at the still open book about arachnids.

Noticing this, Twilight closed the book and put it away. “Doomie, I seriously doubt a giant spider’s gonna stroll right in town for no reason. You have a better chance of a bugbear coming in, besides, aren’t you changelings friends with every mons- er, creature out there.”

Doomie continued shaking. “All I said was that we’re friends with lots of them, not all of them, some, like those eight legged beasts, are horrible, while others are more friendly and don’t want to kill us!” Doomie stopped shivering and thought about that. “Though, to be fair, some act like they do, but that’s all just for fun. Sometimes it’s love too.”

Twilight was finding that hard to believe. “Trying to kill someone is considered love for some monsters?”

“Eh, I wouldn’t say love. I’d say it’s more along the lines of being in a nice friendly relationship.” Doomie said with a smile. “Now, Our queen.” He chuckled. “When she sees someone she’s interested in, she immediately starts hating the hay out of them...kinda explains why that king of hers left.”

Twilight found it hard to believe hating someone is the same as loving them. “So, does that mean she...in a way...loves you guys?”

Doomie nodded. “Yup, we learned that her hating someone is just another way of saying she loves you, kinda makes me think she has a thing for you.”

“M-Me!?” Twilight yelled.

Doomie only shrugged in response. “Well, she constantly manipulated you, made you feel bad, made you angry at her, made you glare at her whenever you saw her.” Doomie would’ve went on, but he stopped there and said, “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came back wanting to go out with you...we would finally prove that she was bi the whole time too.” Doomie then eyed Twilight. “Um...do you feel the same way about-”

“NO!” Twilight exclaimed. “I don’t love, let alone like, that friendship ruining, soul sucking, jagged horned...MONSTER!”

Doomie stepped back. “So...that’s a no, right?” Doomie received a deadpan glare from her. “O...kay then.”

Hearing about all this information was starting to put even more stress on Twilight. She was about to drop it there, but Pinkie continued. “Do other creatures act the same way?”

Doomie seemed to feel less scared now that the topic changed. “The DD’s are kinda like that, but they would never try to kill us, I mean, it’s not like they want to kill the only other ravers in the forest, right?”

“Ravers?”

“Yeah, Ravers. We changelings throw some pretty nice underground rave parties with those dogs, One of their main singers: R0V3R, is pretty nice on the mic, even if we can’t understand what he’s saying half the time. Un perro extraño tal.” Doomie finished.

Twilight sighed. Still having trouble understanding those words. “You can’t learn anything out of a book, yet you can talk in their own language?”

Doomie laughed. “Talking in someone else’s tongue isn’t that hard, ya just gotta know how to say it. Before ya know it, you’ll be speaking Так же, как деревянные волков. Their language was the first one I learned.”

Twilight had never heard of such words. “Who?”

Doomie smiled. “I’m sure someone can translate that…” Doomie looked around, hoping someone would, mostly because he was secretly hoping he said it right.

Twilight was starting to get interested with this. “So, no other monsters tried to kill you then?”

“Hmmm…I don’t think so...Now, ponies, oh queen! They have tried. The worst case was this one town that almost killed us when we showed up with fake marks on our butts...then their was this one pony who tried to take away our non existent flank marks with that weird stick.”

“Cutie marks.” Twilight corrected.

Doomie didn’t care and continued. “Whatever. Anyways, we were kicked out of that creepy town the second she found out we didn't have one...apparently we weren’t ‘equal’ enough...stuck up mare…and her stuck up stick...and her stuck up-”

“So, she was a mare that takes away cutie marks?” Twilight found that hard to believe.

Doomie shrugged. “We didn’t really know, neither did our queen when she was there.”

“Did your queen do anything about it?” Twilight asked.

Doomie shook his head. “Nope, she was more annoyed with that mare than mad at her. So, we just went back to the cave and tried to find another place.”

“And if she was mad?” Twilight asked, guessing the situation would’ve been even worse.

“She’d probably do what we did to the zebras when they didn’t want to be friends with us.”

Pinkie gasped. “You fought zebras?!”

Doomie started fidgeting. “Um...kinda...w-we were about to fight them out in the woods, but both factions decided not to.”

Twilight got confused. “So...you didn't fight the zebras?”

Doomie shrugged. “It’s as if it wasn’t supposed to happen at that time and place...Like, we weren’t supposed to do it unless something else happened before or after it. They needed more creatures or we needed a better excuse or something...It was weird. Twig wouldn’t stop scratching his ear the whole time...and his left eye couldn’t stop flashing blue either.”

Twilight didn’t even want to know. “Interesting…”

Doomie nodded and looked over at the shelves again. “Yup, changeling’s lives sure are boring. Anyways, back to the on-topic of books.” One book caught his eye.’”’The Secret In-sex Life of Dusk and Shield’” Doomie smiled and took the book. “Oh, so mating with your siblings is accepted in your society too?”

“W-What!?” Twilight immediately grabbed the book and looked at the cover, blushing instantly and shoving the book back. “W-Wh..how...what makes you think that books about-”

“Dusk and Shine just sound like names that could relate to each other. Almost sounds normal for siblings who want to-”

“It’s not nor...I-It’s not accep- It’s disg...It’s not right!” Twilight yelled.

Doomie backed up as Pinkie started moving across shelves. “Okay, shesh, I get it. Insest is apparently not accepted this culture, I just thought you guys were like the DD’s. They think it’s normal, and changelings don’t really have sex but sometimes we get pretty close...why are you giving me that look?”

Twilight was getting sick and tired with all of this. “Doomie, I’m tired of talking about these kinds of books and all these stupid conversations! So, just fine what you need already and get out of my-”

“Found one!”

Doomie and Twilight turned to Pinkie who was holding a book in her hooves. “Y-You did?” Twilight was astounded to hear that.

Pinkie nodded and held up the cover for them to see. “‘Monsters and/in You’. Sounded like this work of literature is about interspecies relationships.”

Before Twilight could question Pinkies sudden intellectual spike in grammar, Doomie came up next to her and opened the strange book. “Huh. ‘made in hopes that others will understand not to’. Well, that’s a good sign.” Doomie said sarcastically.

“It’s better than nothing.” Pinkie said. “Now...let’s see, chapter one: Sizes. ‘most monsters are unable to penetrate the female due to the size of-’”

Before Twilight could hear another word, she teleported between them the yelled out, “That sounds REALLY interesting, I’m sure, but can two please not read it here.”

Doomie started looking closer. “Huh...So that’s what it looks like on a dragon.”

Pinkie started flipping through the pages while Twilight pushed them closer to the door with her magic. “Glad to know I could help, now will you please-”

“Whoa. Listen to this, Doomie, ‘changelings tongues can go up to twelve inches and flex at every inch, making them great cunili’-”

Twilight finally managed to push both of them outside. “Will you two just go home already.”

Doomie leaned to the book. “Wow, ‘earth pony hair has the ability to twist and bend to create massive amounts of ple-”

*SLAM*

With the door finally shut, and the couple now gone, Twilight sighed in relief to know that she alone again, thanking Celestia that it was over. “Glad that’s done and done. Now, where did I put those books about flying?”

A knock came from upstairs before Twilight could even start searching. “Twilight, I heard the door shut. Can I come downstairs now? And can I unplug my ears?”

Twilight sighed, happy to know that Spike agreed to staying upstairs during all of this, but hoping he didn’t hear too much. “In a sec, Spike...just need to clean up all this smut…”

“What?”

“Nothing!”