The Raid of Equestria

I don't know how long we've been staring the two creatures before us but I can definitely tell that it's been going on long enough.  Someone's got to break the silence.  "Well this isn't awkward at all" I said as I got up.

"Awkward?" Raleigh asked.  "This?!we're in a room with two creatures and we don't even know where we are!"

"Ok one... Lower your tone because my ears are ringing right now.  And two, there's a phrase called 'Calm the fuck down'.  Heard of it?"

"Oh my God!" Patton gasped.  "You're Princess Celestia! And you're Princess Twilight!" He quickly got to his feet.

"My mistake" I said.  "HE needs to calm the fuck down."  While Patton rambled on about some show, I walked over to the side.  "Well, judging from what Patton is saying..."

"Wait, how do you know his name?" Ferro asked.

"If you listened, I believe the next few words he said were 'I'm Patton and I know about you two!'.  And you're Ferro.  One of the members of a baseball team.  Your uniform explains it.  High school, right?" I asked.

"I'm not impressed" Ronnie said.  "The uniform clearly says his High School team, the Weasels."

"Generous Ronnie, am I correct?" I asked.  "You're known to make generous offers to friends, families... It came to a point where everyone wants you to slow down on your generosity.  When it comes to meeting people, you always think generosity is the first thing to do.  Based on your attire, the faint hotel smell... You were involved in setting up a wedding before you found yourself here."

"What are you, a magician?" Ronnie asked.

"No" I answered.

"Then how did you know about..."

"A 'magician' never reveals secrets."  I approached Raleigh.  "You're Raleigh huh? You dream of being the best fighter in town."  He nodded.  "Your silence tells me you witnessed something traumatic.  I'll do you a favor and not get into it."

"Thank you" he said quietly.

"And um... Put on a shirt..." I whispered.  I approached the cowboy.  "I'm Travis" I said.

"Ace" he said, shaking my hand.

"Let me guess, your diet involves apples.  You've been eating apples for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desert.  Your drinks are always apple ciders."

"That's correct" he said.  "But how do you know?"

"There's a strong scent of apples coming from your breath" I answered.  "And judging from the revolver you have... You're quick with the trigger."

"Indeed I am" he answered.  "So what can you tell us about Patton over there?" He asked as the other humans gathered around us.

"Hmm... He enjoys cartoons.  Likes silly things, always hyped up on candy.  And don't get me started with parties.  I think he just came from one."  I approached the talkative guy.  "Ok, ok... Enough candies and sweets for you" I said, pulling Patton away.  "Now I believe we were brought here for a reason.  Correct?"

Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight looked at each other.  "Should we tell them?" Princess Twilight asked.

"I feel we need to let them calm down first... The teleportation spell must've scared them a little."

"Way to go Patton" Raleigh said.  "You talked so much, they don't want to talk."

"Princess Twilight will show you around" Princess Celestia said.  "Once you're all settled, I will explain what will happen." As Princess Twilight lead us away, Princess Celestia had a really worried look on her face.  'I hope they become settled quickly.  Who knows when Moriarty will show up?'

"Equestria, huh?" I asked.

"Yes" Princess Twilight answered.  Patton made his way over to me.

"Excuse me bud..." He said as he made his way past me.  He was now walking next to Princess Twilight.  "So, Your Majesty... Where are you taking us first?"

"I thought I would take you to Ponyville first.  Get to know everypony and even meet my friends." Patton giggled with excitement.

"This is great" he said to me.  "You're going to love Ponyville."

"Why do I get the feeling that you've been here before?" I asked him.

"Been here? Please! This is my first time!"

"Then how do you know so much about this place?" Raleigh asked, now coming out of his depressed and silent state.

"Give him a break" Ferro said.  "I'm pretty sure you'd feel the same way if you come across a room filled with trophies and gym equipment."

An argument started breaking out between Ferro, Raleigh, and Patton.  Ronnie and Ace caught up with me.

"So what's in Ponyville, Your Highness?" Ace asked.  Princess Twilight smiled.  She stopped in the middle of the hall and as she did her teleporting spell, the three humans were still in the middle of arguing.

When we reached Ponyville, Patton stopped yelling and looked around.  "Where's Pinkie Pie?" He asked excitedly.

"Oh dear God help me" Raleigh sighed.

"She lives in Sugar Cube Corner..." Before she could give directions, Patton sprinted away.

"Seriously has he been here before?" Ronnie asked.

"Apparently he's been watching a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" Ferro answered.  "He has so much knowledge about it, he knows where everything and I won't be surprised if he knows everyone here."

Ronnie approached Princess Twilight.  "Um... This might sound very strange Your Majesty but do you know a place where I can get my friend a shirt?" He asked, gesturing to Raleigh.

"Of course! Her name is Rarity.  She's a fashionista."  Ronnie blushed a little.  He too is into designs and just clothes, he could design things for buildings, floors, and he's proud of that talent.  As we followed Princess Twilight, Ferro saw something.  A baby bird trying to fly.

He glanced back at the group and then back at the bird.  He sprinted over to the bird and carefully lifted it up.  "It's ok little guy" he said as he placed it back into its nest.  Before anything else can happen, he was tackled by something yellow and pink.

"Ronnie, I'm going to kill you when this is over" Raleigh said, trying hard to hide his embarrassment.

"Oh shut up, you can't walk around shirtless" Ronnie said.  Rarity was measuring him so the shirt will be a perfect fit.  "And this place is called Carousel Boutique right?" He asked.

"Yes it is darling" Rarity said.  "By the way, you never told me you were into designs."

"Well to tell you the truth, I didn't think it mattered... Until now."  Rarity finished with the measurements.  "I'll be right back" she said as she slaked away.  Raleigh was glaring at him.

"What?" Ronnie asked.

"My tailor is a female horse that can do magic.  Doesn't it bother you?"

"You're just uncomfortable because you're in a new place" Ronnie said.  Before Raleigh can say anything, Rarity came back.  She was using magic to levitate a folded white shirt.  Raleigh took it and put it on.  His eyes widened.

"This.... Is the most.... Comfortable shirt I've ever worn in my entire life... It's better material than the ones back home!"

Ronnie laughed as Raleigh ran out of Carousel Boutique, laughing.  "Look out below!" Someone shouted.  Raleigh looked up and was collided with something blue, leaving a rainbow streak behind.