Family Times

by Celestial Nyx Nova

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 2319

We gather for some 'family time' and I would think this to be as bad as I thought: it's worse.

When I found out the news that Twilight was pregnant, a lot happened at once. But, something came to me that I never thought to do: talk to her parents.

…Go on, facepalm, I did too. While Twi and me went and consulted her parents, to which they agreed either way of our relationship and me getting their daughter pregnant went rather swell. And by that, you can tell i'm lying, but here, take a look for yourself how it really went down.

[size=0.75em]Was intended to be put in Rising Hope 2, right after Health Lessons, but forget to do that, way too late so here's to make up for that.[/size] [size=0.75em]:facehoof:[/size]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-12 21:40:02 UTC

You call that bonding?

''Oh, for buck's sake, Jamir: she's trying to say she's pregnant!'' Rainbow spoke up for Twilight.

''...My god.''

Those same words rang in my mind, causing me to really contemplate the deeper meaning of what I did. Pregnant. I got Twilight pregnant. Chalk one up for a spur of the moment decision, but I have not, nor am I regretting my actions now; an obvious risk came with the spell, though at the time I was lost in pleasure and only focused on delivering Twi to the throes of lust while strengthening my bond with her. A slew of thoughts and concerns all put my mind into overdrive, mainly one that is not only overdue to have happen, but also rude and insensitive...meet her parents.

And I sound like a complete sluchb for putting it out there, which I intend to rectify with haste. Packing the last of my things to my suitcase, Spike walked into my room, a doubting look on his face.

''So you're really gonna go and meet Twi's parents?'' the drake munched on a small peridot gem. ''you know they may not welcome you with open...arms, right?''

Sighing, I took a seat on the bed and leveled with the little bugger. ''Maybe, but they really won't have much of a choice to not accept me seeing as I kinda did the one thing that make them reconsider stomping my body into a fine powder on the cobblestone, plus it's not like they'll force her to get an abortion, that would be like Kool-aid with no sugar.'' I drew a quick laugh.

''Eh, what's Kool-aid? and abortion?'' Spike got curious.

Seriously, he doesn't know? Oh, at this rate it won't Twi's parents stomping me out, it'll be worse. But he asked a question...and I have the answer!

''If you breath one word of this to Twilight, I can assure you that she will blast me so fiercely that Big Macintosh'll start talking like his life depended on it.''

''How bad could it be?''

Calling it his funeral and potentially mine, I motioned for him to come closer, me cursing myself in my thoughts of why i'm doing this.

''You see, it goes like this...''

5 minutes later:

Spike is currently sitting on the floor, a peculiar look on his face.

''Uh-oh, I think I might broken him,'' my thoughts going to what Twilight might do if she found out, none of it pleasant or safe.

''What do you mean you just told him about 'that', do you know what you've done?!'' Twilight barked at me,  gesturing to Spike who curled in a ball and was pretty sure he was praying.  Smiling, Twilight did none of the sort, her horn coming to life.

''Come now, Twi: in my defense, I knew he wouldn't stop asking so naturally I-

Shink!

Looking behind, the poor flower vase was not so lucky as a slew of cracks formed around quicker than I could comprehend before pieces went flying everywhere, one cutting me across the cheek.

''You're next.~'' she spoke sweetly as she trotted towards my literal corner in the room.

''Twilight, honey, you know I love you more then life itself, right?'' my options ran thin. Shit, anything I can use to defend myself with, she's gonna kill me!

''I know that.'' she rubbed my chin with a hoof. ''I love you even more, which is why you'll understand what is about to happen,''

''And that is-

''Yeoooooooooooooooooouch!''

And here we are now: scorch marks all over my face, hair charred to a degree and a ice pack underneath my rump. I don't care if this makes me seem like a wuss, but i'm crying over here! The things she did to me, while brief were very hurtful.

''Now, do you see why you should always consult me when it comes to topics such as this. Understand?'' Twilight smirked from her seat.

''Y-Yyes, ma'am,'' I chose my words carefully, or else she might wound more than just my pride. But apparently not since we're doing something that I find even more of a blow to my psyche: meeting her parents.

''Hoo.'' Owlicious called from my shoulder.

''Zip, it you stupid raptor,'' I groaned.

''Hoo?''

...

''Not even gonna go there with you on that: insensitive jerk,''

''There are a few things to note about my parents: my mother in specific is a total worrywart, while my father is more of a tough customer and gets mad kinda easy,''

So we're dealing with a worried version of Rain-man and The not incredible Hulk, should be about as fun as making lanyards. Pulling up to the train station, I was never more glad to leave a place, the looks everypony were starting to unnerve me. Running through Canterlot's leisure district like a walking scarecrow potentially scaring anypony was not on my list, so I did what any would do in my place: run like hell into a bathroom and clean up.

Passing by a random unicorn, I rushed in, my face meeting the mirror. Okay, let's see. My eyebrows are still there, so that's good. Almond skin? Still there. Scruffy, but still good. Awesome two tone red-golden hair? Eh, check, though my bangs are uneven, hmmph: Christ help me. But that's the real problem, the dirt has to go.

A few minutes later:

''So.'' I looked on with hesitation. ''this is...your parent's house?''

''Yea,'' Twi said, holding a hoof out. ''this is the place.''

Now 'house' would be a tad of an understatement. Now to say this is a mansion, but the size has me mildly contemplating going in. A standard flat-like design was the least of my issues: more of the massive rows of books I could see from inside the bay window. Walking up the stairs, a wooden ornate door the combined height of me and a half to length(5'11) had various Equestrian cravings on it, one looking like a depiction of a book in the middle, go figure. Using the gold plated (or painted) knocker, a voice shouted: ''Coming!'' before I tensed.

Crap, crap, crap! Now I can't exactly wuss out now, but I knew this had to happen, somehow. But now what? How am-

''Twilight, sweetie, it's so good to see you again! You know, I heard a lot about what...you...were...doing...uh,''  a unicorn mare with a grey coat, white and purple mane and tail with a image of three stars on her flank looked perplexed.

''Mom?'' Twilight waved a hoof in her mother's face. ''are you okay?''

''I, this, you c-can't b-beee~Oh,'' the mare fainted, foam running from her mouth.

''Oh my gosh, mom, mom!''

''So this means our little play date is over?'' I joked, Twilight giving me a harsh look to shut me up.

''What is all the commotion 'bout?'' a gruff voice called. ''Twilight, what are you doing here?'' a unicorn stallion with a blue coat, curled mane and tail with a crescent moon over a larger one grew confused. Then he looked to me.

''What the hell is that?!'' he jumped into a type of fetal position. ''and what happened to your mother, and are you...pregnant? Wait! No, focus: original question: what the hell is that?''

Nice to see ya too, old-timer.

Some time later:

Okay, so here's a status update, however, I don't really see how anything really has changed. Well, first off: Twilight's mother, Twilight Velvet regained consciousness, only to faint again,(first time from Twi's pregnant belly and twice for me.) and now she's slowly waking up. Her father, Night Light regarded me with the same tone that most people would have treated me with here: like a thing. So for about...15 minutes, he's been mean mugging me across the spacious glass table, Twilight Velvet just regaining her sight while he emphasized his discomfort by having his daughter sit next to him, a purple baseball bat with the name: 'The Sparkler.' on it, a small ruby embedded in the hilt as the top bore a reinforced iron ring.

...Why do I feel like he has every impulse to just beat me down without a second thought or blink of the eye? Just WHAM! and we're both off to jail, me being my second time.

''So,'' Night spoke with an awkward tone. ''you are a human, as Twilight explained to me,''

''Yes.''

''And it appears you obviously are in a committed relationship as you got my daughter pregnant!'' I flinched at his words. Hey, while I take full responsibility for what I dd, that's no excuse to yell.

''Look, Mr. Light, I just want to-

''That's sir to you!''

Crabby.

Sir. I want you to know that I am proud of what I did. While you could have had no idea of our 'activities', let alone the fact that I existed, you have no real room to speak.'' I sat back, folding my arms. However, that was a mistake. In the little time frame I possessed, my Armour coming to life at just the right time to shield the whack, not to say it didn't hurt~

''Dad, what are you doing?'' Twilight yelled.

''Trying to-Whack! get rid of- Whack! this bastard! He defiled you!'' Night Light chased me around with the bat. At this point, I only sped away for his sake, as well some of mine as a mare who soothed an Ursa Minor with relative ease is here.

''Stop hitting me, I am not a bug!''

''Good idea!'' Night Light stopped on a dime, summoning a life-sized fly swatter.

''Mom, do something!'' Twilight urged.

''I still cannot believe you're pregnant!'' Twilight Velvet held a hoof to her face in bewilderment.

''Suppose talking is out of the question at the moment?'' I asked, having lost him in the mini-maze of a library.

Whack!

Guess not...Wait a minute, this is stupid! I've fought Manticores, Diamond Dogs, Cockatrices, even a dragon champion. How in the Sam Hill is this any different? Besides the actual threat. If he wants to fight like a douche, then so can I! Bringing forth a red tinted glow to both my hands, rested a fly swatter that resembled his, only red.

''You dare raise arms against me?'' Night Light backpedaled.

''It's just a fly swatter and you started it!''

''And now i'm gonna end it!'' he charged forward, bringing the swatter for a downward strike. Figuring this could take a worse turn, I ran forward with fire in my eyes as I mirrored his advance with a upward smack, time seemingly slowing down as I saw the look of shock on his face before it deformed like a balloon, the impact causing a displacement of at least one tooth. As I crouched down, I managed to grab the swatter out his magic while pushing him away into the table like a rag doll with a crash.

''Dad!/Honey!''

Oooh, that's a major point deduction.

''Hoo.'' Owlicious managed to take my flyswatter and proceeded to smack me senseless.

Okay, yet another update.

Twilight and her mother are tending to Night Light(kinda knocked him out by accident.)  while I am standing by the front door. Also, I, uh found that if I take my belt over this railing, I can probably hang myself. What else to note? Oh, right. Twilight's brother, Shining Armour is here and he does not look the least bit happy.

''And just who do you think you are?'' Shining approached me.  ''you've done all this, and what to show for it?''

''Now.'' I began. ''in my defense, I-

''Rah!'' the unicorn got pissed off.

''Do you think you can fix this?!'' he glared at me.

If it's your bad attitude, then I don't believe the great Dr. Phil can do that.

''How did this happen?'' came his ultimate question.

Click.

Flashback:

''I'm well aware that you love me and that you've been enjoying your time In Equestria, but I feel I needed to do something that would set any of your potential worries at ease, so that's why I did what I did,'' She confused me.

''Did what exactly?'' I asked, getting Interested.

''This.'' And with that, she charged her horn and brought a strange book out from her saddlebag and began to chant some words which I could have sworn was like some type of Greek Piglatin. After a few minutes, she began to glow white and a huge light covered my vision, and then for a few minutes, all I could hear magic surging until the light died down to reveal...a human girl?

''Twilight, Is that y-you?'' I asked, looking at the figure In front of me.

Laying In front of me was a girl with very light purple skin, a purple and magenta hairstyle, a horn on her head, and a very supple bust and rear.

''How Is this possible?'' I asked, dumbfounded.

''Through an old spell that one of Princess Celestia's previous students accidentally created. They found It had...surprising effects at first,''

End Flashback.

After hearing my explanation, Shining calmed down a bit, and by that I mean he's stopped with grinding his teeth together.

''I admit that I could have helped myself to a little meeting before all this happened, but what's done is done. Can't we just move past the fact of how I got Twilight pregnant and move on?''

''Fine.'' Shining decided. ''but only if you can prove to me your worth as a stallion...or a 'man' as you say,'' he went over to a cupboard.

''Really, and how's that?''

''With this.''

''B-But i'm not so good with drinks. I tried that stuff once and I threw up,'' I recalled the nightmare.

''Too bad, I happen to love this stuff and lucky you: this is your bottle as this one is mine. You made a grown-up decision, time to live with the consequences,''

Great, this ought to be fun.