Triggered

by DragonShadow

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Lyra, Drama, Bon-Bon
Length: 2196

The night after the Bugbear attack, Bon-Bon thinks she has a handle on her old mental problems, but her self-control may be starting to slip.

Sometimes a pony can have an experience so terrible it leaves a mark on their psyche. A memory so intense it can come surging back at the slightest provocation, interfering with their life and putting the ones they love in danger.

Published 2015-07-06 14:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-06 14:50:01 UTC

Triggered

Triggered

She could practically feel its breath on her face, though she knew it had to be the wind howling through the entrance of the large stone cavern that lay open before her. The soft, rumbling growl that echoed from the stone walls on all sides gave no hint of where her prey was in the dark mountain, but regardless she took only a moment to steel her resolve before stepping into the cave, plunging into the darkness with only her wits to guide her.

Special Agent Sweetie Drops had never failed an assignment, after all. She was not going to start now.

Her hoof felt at her flank, finding the small hook dangling from her back and pulling it up to her teeth as she waded through the darkness. Only the growing noise of the creature's grumbles gave any indication that she was moving in the right direction, but she couldn't afford to use a light, not until she was able to catch the creature by surprise. It wasn't until the smell of wet fur and blood reached her nose that she knew she had entered the creature's lair. Only a vicious carnivore would carry a smell like that.

With her hook in her teeth, she retrieved a small flare from her saddlebag and held it down against the floor. The creature's grumbles continued on the same even keel they had before. Twitching her ears back and forth, she was finally able to pinpoint the creature lying against the wall on her left, maybe ten meters away. She'd gotten close to stumbling into it, but hadn't woken it up. That gave her the advantage.

Without another moment's hesitation she struck forward with the flare, igniting the tip on the cold stone and sending it sailing towards the Bugbear she had come for in one fluid motion. The creature twitched at the sudden light, but before it could move too far Sweetie Drops sent her hook sailing towards it, yanking at just the right moment to wrap the rope around the bugbear's rising throat. The creature jerked at the pressure on its neck, still not quite awakened.

Sweetie Drops tugged on the rope with one hoof and pulled a small spear off of her back with the other, using the rope to hold herself up on her hindhooves. "I'm warning you, Bugbear! Don't try to resist! You're coming with me to Tartarus!"

The creature only roared in defiance, rising to its feet in front of her as the scent of blood wafted toward her on the creature's breath.

"Yeah, I thought that might be your answer." Sweetie Drops yanked on the rope to drag the creature a bit closer as she brought the spear forward, aiming for one of its many arms, but the Bugbear was faster than it looked. One claw caught the spear and yanked her forward, sending her stumbling to the cold stone right at the creature's clawed feet.

Sweetie Drops gasped and tried to rise to her hooves, but the shadow of the Bugbear was already looming over her. Her body froze, and she slowly looked up into the creature's opening jaws, only inches away from her head. Suddenly, the flare went dead, plunging the cave into darkness.

A pillow sailing through a bedroom window into the pale moonlight outside was the first thing she saw when the darkness retreated. The slight chill in the night air wafting in through the window made her shiver under her sweat-matted fur. No, that wasn't a shiver, she realized. She was trembling like she was staring into the creature's razor sharp jaws all over again. She had thought she had gotten over this. After nearly five years living in Ponyville, and more in Canterlot getting therapy, seeing the Bugbear again just brought it all back.

Her back rested against the headboard for a moment as she glanced toward the other side of the bed. Thankfully, Lyra was still fast asleep, nestled under the thick blankets and snoring gently. Of course she was, Lyra had no problems. She could sleep through absolutely anything. It was one of many things Bon-Bon adored about her. Even looking at her helped her breath slow and her quaking muscles relax, just slightly.

Finally in control of herself again, Bon-Bon slipped out of the covers and to the wooden floor, trying to make her way as silently as possible toward the hallway. Suddenly sleep didn't seem like the best way to spend her time, anyway.

As she left the bedroom, the light from the window faded behind her, leaving her in the darkness of the cavern head. Her heart was racing, her mind whirling in a frozen panic as she charged forward, her hooves slamming into the cold stone of the cavern in a full gallop through the pitch black cave. She could hear the Bugbear behind her, its claws tearing at the cold stone, alternating with its wings buzzing ever closer to her vulnerable back.

She'd really done it this time. How could she insist on pulling this one off alone? She was the best, she always had been, but she'd messed up so badly she was probably going to die. She was probably leaving a trail of blood behind her, driving the creature even deeper into its carnivorous frenzy. The claws scraped closer, the wings beat nearer, her heart raced even faster.

At last she reached the cavern entrance, crashing into an unseen stone and tumbling over it. Her body flailed over its smooth surface, crashing painfully down onto the wooden coffee table, which splintered in the center under her weight, barely not collapsing. Bon-Bon's heart was racing as her eyes scanned the room, finding herself in the living room, where the larger windows were letting in more pale moonlight so that she could see.

Great, now her heart was racing again, she had a headache, and her back hurt. She rolled over slowly, dropping off of the coffee table to her hooves an dropping to her knees. This couldn't be happening again. She had to fight it, she had spent years fighting it. She was going to fail now... she couldn't fail now... if she failed, she was dead.

Her head whipped back toward the cavern entrance, where the Bugbear was just emerging into the moonlight. Its eyes were fixed on her tired and bleeding form, searching her hungrily for the best place to begin its meal. Sweetie Drops stood her ground despite the pain. This was it. She could bring the creature in... or she wasn't walking away from here alive. The creature almost seemed to agree, its claws flexing in preparation.

The Bugbear lurched toward her along the ground, its claws digging into the moist grass and soil outside of its cave, but Sweetie Drops summoned the last of her strength to whirl into a powerful mule kick straight into the creature's approaching jaw. There was a startled yelp of pain, but she had to press the attack. With the creature reeling, Sweetie Drops leapt through the air into its back, wrapping her hooves around its throat.

The creature howled in rage as it stumbled back and forth, but she held on with a grip only possible at the precipice of death. "Go to sleep..." Sweetie Drops gulped against her fear. "Just go to sleep, please!"

"B-Bon, l-let... go..." A voice whispered through the night, barely a squeak by the time it finished. Slowly the Bugbear seemed to fade away, its claw trying to pull her off replaced by a familiar green hoof. "Bon..."

"Oh...Goddess...!" Bon-Bon threw her hooves open and threw herself backward, slamming into the wall and falling to the ground on her butt. Lyra collapsed to the floor at the living room entrance, gasping for air and rubbing her throat with one hoof. "Lyra... oh Celestia, Lyra, what have I... n-no, no, not again... I'm so..." Bon-Bon scratched at her head with her hooves, as if trying to yank the memories out of her head. "Lyra I'm sorry, I'm so..."

She gasped softly when she heard a soft tune begin to play, the light, airy sound of a lyre floating through the darkness. Her racing heart and spinning mind at last began to cooperate with her, being given something to focus on besides the memories, besides the sheer terror that had been her last night working for Celestia's Monster Hunters. Her hooves fell to her sides as her eyes flitted toward the living room floor, where Lyra's instrument seemed to be playing itself, though it had to be unicorn magic.

"Bon-Bon?" Lyra stepped in front of her, her eyes full of worry and doubt. "Are you okay now?"

"Lyra..." Bon-Bon gritted her teeth through her tears. "I'm so sorry... I thought I was handling seeing the Bugbear again, but when it got dark I... I... hurt you..."

Lyra rubbed her throat with one hoof, still looking concerned, but keeping a respectful distance between them. "What happened, Bon-Bon?"

"I thought I was over it a long time ago." Bon-Bon hung her head against her chest. "The Bugbear mission was the most dangerous I ever went on alone. I barely made it out alive... I almost died of blood loss even after I subdued the creature. It took me months to recover physically... it took years to recover mentally. Whenever I found myself in the dark it was like I would go back to that cave all over again, fighting for my life, nearly dying." She turned her teary gaze toward her best unicorn friend again. "The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you, Lyra, I'm so sorry..."

"Hey..." Lyra moved toward her and gently laid a hoof around her shoulders, pulling her head against her chest in a soft hug. Bon-Bon melted into the embrace, going limp in the unicorn's hooves. "You have a problem, Bon-Bon. That's something for us to work on together, not something for you to apologize for."

"Th-thank you..." Bon-Bon sniffled.

"I'll stay awake with you tonight, and tomorrow we can see about getting you that help, okay?"

"Okay..." Bon-Bon almost felt like a child being comforted... but she didn't mind. She needed nothing more than comfort right now.

"Come on. Let's sit down and listen to some radio. I'll make us some snacks." Lyra left her hoof around Bon-Bon's shoulders as the two of them turned toward the living room sofa.

Bon-Bon plopped down on the cushions while Lyra's hoofsteps retreated into the kitchen. Only moments later a small flame flickered to life from the kitchen, banishing the darkness altogether as Lyra came back with the small candle hovering beside her head.

Lyra set the candle in front of her with a bright smile. "I thought this might help."

"It does... it really does." Bon-Bon returned her smile. With a wave of her hoof Lyra turned to head back into the kitchen, a second candle igniting a moment later from the other side of the doorway.

Bon-Bon turned to the small candle flickering in front of her, waving a hoof over the flame to spread the thin trail of smoke in either direction. She could almost see Lyra's smiling face in the flickering light. This was the smallest thing anyone had given her... but it was probably the most important thing she had ever received in her life.

It would take a long time for her to truly recover from this relapse, but at least she knew without a doubt, no matter how bad she got, or how far she fell into the darkness, there would always be somepony willing to help her fight her way back out again...

Author's Note

One of the most unfortunate parts of "Down With Molestia" and Tumblr movements in general is the growing feeling among the internet of the word "trigger" being some kind of meaningless or unimportant thing. I never agreed with the "Down With Molestia" movement, but the last thing I ever wanted to see happen was to see a severe mental condition mocked and trivialized throughout the internet.

"Triggering" is not just "something that makes me kind of uncomfortable", and it's not made up. It is a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and is a very real mental problem that affects people all over the world. It's by far most common in war veterans, but it can happen to all kinds of people, or indeed, anybody who has a shockingly negative experience, including but not limited to rape, assault, or witnessing a death, among other things. It can cause serious anxiety or panic attacks whenever the "trigger" is encountered, and at its worst, can cause the sufferer to relive the moment outright.

It's sad that there are people out there who will use a condition like this as a weapon to try to get their way, and even sadder that this fact has made so many think that this condition is entirely made up or inconsequential. It's not. PTSD sufferers need help and should seek professionals who can teach them how to cope and what to avoid to prevent these symptoms from happening.