Guard Duty

by EvilZombieMinion

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1291

A royal guard is punished with inviation gaurd duty.

After two bad choices over two days a member of the royal guard ends up having to defend against wedding crasher in Ponyville, but it comes with unexpected bonuses.

Published 2015-07-06 14:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-06 14:00:01 UTC

On Guard, kinda

When I was told I would be proceeding the Princesses to a wedding in Ponyville as a punishment in a month, I let out a groan. I knew it was going to be boring. However, that wasn't the worse part, I was later told I would be in charge of checking invitations at the door.

That's where I'm now, sitting next to the door of town hall checking said invitations and it's not so bad. Well the actually job, yeah, but the free show, awesome.

Most of the day I've been watching the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony battle a giant Bugbear. I have to admit, they're holding their own and dishing it out. For a group of young mares with no training, to my knowledge, they've held up better them some recruits I've seen.

Actually, most of the residents don't seem to notice the ongoing fight through town and when they do it's dismissive and in passing. I narrowed my eyes in confusion at that idea.

Were events like this that common in this, ah, village, town? Anyway, back on topic, most of the stallions and mares, heck even fillies, just don't really seem to care that there's a giant Bugbear rampaging through their, village? I should ask for clarification on that later.

Oh, look the Bugbear's got a lasso on it now, and its user is hanging out now.

I wonder where the local constables are? Maybe evacuating ponies?

As I pondered that another invitation takes over my field of vision and I take a break from the show. Leaning my head to the side I check it against the list I tossed on the deck next to me. Super professional I know, but what are they going to do? Stick me on invitation guard duty? Oh, wait.

The two match so I nod my head towards the door and I give a sigh as the changeling walked into the hall. Who was I to ask why a changeling had an innovation? All I was told to do was check invitations and that's what I just did, job accomplished.

Besides, what's the worse that could happen with a changeling at a wedding... Oh, yeah, a repeat of Princess Cadence and Captain Shining Armor's wedding. That was a great day to be on leave and not on duty like I was supposed to be, especially since I was drunk that day.

Got to remember it's really stupid to show up to duty not hung over but straight up drunk after celebrating my niece's birth, that or not get caught. Think I should go with the second one, so maybe the next time the Captain of the Royal Guard ask me what the smartest thing I've done in my life as the complete opposite of this moment is I shouldn't respond with his sister when I got caught with drunken bravery, or stupidity, I'll pick the first this time.

A massive stupid happy grin grew on my face when I remembered the look of absolute shock and confusion on Shining Armor's face when he realized what I had just said. I was wondering at that moment if it was possible to drink oneself deaf it got so quiet.

A mere second letter I discovered I could still hear as the Captain cranked his volume straight to eleven. I, or the rest of the guard, didn't think it was possible to be louder then Princess Luna's Cantorlot voice but Shining Amor was able to prove us all wrong that morning.

Every ear that was in the barracks that day was ringing for several days after and as it died my legend grew. It seemed word of what I had done had spread throughout not just the Solar Guard and Lunar Guard but had somehow made its way to the guards posted in the Crystal Empire.

Did Laughter just blast the Bugbear with a cannon spewing party streamers and glitter? Also, way do I suddenly want cake, with sprinkles?

Seems the Bugbear is just as confused as me about what just happened, and waiting cupcakes. I wonder if a Bugbear knows what cupcakes even are, a question to ponder for the ages.

OH, SWEET! Princess Twilight is about fire off a magic spell! This is going to look awesome! And here it is!

Wait, its a pair of invitations? What a lame spell, “BOO!”

Ah, it's actually invitations and by the time I realize it all I'm able to catch of the Princess' spell is its lavender after glow.

Giving an angry frustrated sigh I check the names, uhm, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, pft right. Like they would need invitations.

“Yeah, nice try you two, but I'm sober today. Take your fake invitations and get out of my way of the unscheduled, but highly entertaining, show.” I tell the two behind the pieces of paper.

“Why are you even trying to sneak into a jack and jenny wedding anyway? Are you that bored?” I asked the two importers with disdain and annoyance clearly in my voice. I wasn't excepting a warm amused chuckle and a small annoyed sigh.

With a small tilt of my head to the side and narrowing of my brow before I popped my head over the invitations to investigate and I gave a proper response.

My eyes shot wide in shock and horror and gave the most stallionly noise I could muster.

“Eep,” was the only barely audible and brief noise I could make as I realized I just told the rulers of all Equestria to beat hooves, I wasn't doing my duty, and I might have been drunk on duty in the past.

I completely shut down and froze as I gave a long drawn out, “aaaaaaa...”

It was broken when both Princesses gave a playful humor filled chuckle at my predicament.

“What a wonderful surprise and change of pace, don't you agree sister,” Princess Celestia spoke to her sister.

“Indeed, it is nice to be spoken to in such a carefree and careless manner. Almost as though we were, I believe it's said, one of the colts.” Princess Luna replied with a devilish grin on her face as my eyes darted between the two.

They had to be playing with me before they banished to some dark, cold, remote duty station for the rest of my life.

“I do also believe this is the guard that we have both heard about from your respected guard.” Princess Luna added as she stroked her chin with a hoof maintaining her grin. At that her sister gave an actually laugh that had no malice.

“Ah, yes, it does seem to be so. You will have to tell us how is your niece is doing when you accompany us back to Cantorlot in our chariot.” Princess Celestia said with a small smirk on her lips and a playful but serious tone.

“So, may we enter brave resolute Gaurdpony?” Princess Luna inquired matching her sister. All I was able to do was gave a simply nod in acknowledgment and permission out of shock and disbelief.

As the two walked pass me they were giggling and before the doors closed I heard Princess Celestia ask Princess Luna where their wedding gift was with some confusion.

"Well, my encounter with the two most powerful princesses in Equestia ended infinitely better then I had thought it would." I spoke to no one as I would be returning to Cantorlot with said alicorns as I watched the bearers of the Elements of Harmony fight their way back into view.

“Wait, those same alicorns had to see all this going on when they got here. Why aren't they handling this Bugbear?"