Chapter 1 - Start with good batter....
The days in Canterlot have been nice as of late. No armys ready to invade. No rampaging monsters on the loose. No random bouts of chocolate milk rain. All seemed well in the city. Not a thing seems out of place and everything is going smoothly.
And it was so boring.
Nothing ever happens anymore. Before now, it seemed like every third day there was something going on. Something always happened the broke the tedium of everyday life here. Even the Princesses long standing prank wars seem to have entered the cold war era.
So boring.
I can’t stand it. The only thing left as of late that seems to break the monotony around here is the late night deliveries from the Cake Family when they are trying to get freshly made baked goods into the city without Celestia finding out. She’s a monster when it comes to fresh cake.
Yes, the prim and proper solar monarch of the kingdom is a cake fanatic. One would never guess the motherly figure that is Celestia would go to such lengths for cake. Takes most of Princess Luna’s night guard to keep the Cake’s from being ‘relieved’ of their cargo before it even reaches the royal larder. They are always having to change the dates of the deliveries to try and outsmart the royal one.
….Hmm.
Now that I think about it, this might help provide the very thing I need to deal with the boredom around the castle.
Hehe, yessss….
This is too good to pass up. Time for a shopping trip. I can not, will not, let this opportunity pass by.
1:57 in the morning.
I’ve gotten everything ready. The guards have been shifted to protect the Cake’s for tonight's delivery. I’ve left little tidbits of information in places where Celestia’s spies and servants would relay the details of tonight's delivery to their employer. That was an undertaking on its own.
Had to loosen a few lips with some misplaced bits to get the delivery information. And i had to do it all via proxy too. Can't have the Princess’s catching wind of this. I want to see the results myself without risking this plan backfiring in my muzzle. Its happened before, and the resulting punishment was not without its embarrassments.
The maids still find cake frosting in the little nooks and corners behind things from time to time.
1:58 in the morning.
I can hear the train incoming all the way up here in my room. Equestria’s national train system at their finest. Always on time. Baring monsters, weather, or stampeding hamsters.
….
...What? Those hamsters were huge. As big as the average pony. I believe the conductor had to be taken to Canterlot General for heart related issues. Something about dieing from an overdose of fuzzy-cute, whatever that means.
…..
Too early in the morning for this. I want to go back to my bed and return to my dreams, but I've gone to far to stop now.
1:59 In the morning.
I hear the arrival of the train reaching the platform now. Tradition dictates that incoming trains announce their arrival with their whistles, regardless what time it is. Normally it's a pain in the flank at these times of the morning, but not today.
Ok, checklist time.
Dark Clothing, Check
Magic signature scrubber, Check
Felt shoes, Check
Saddlebag, Check
Can't be too careful around the sisters. They must never know I was involved in anyway.
2:00 In the morning.
Go time.
I hear the train coming to a full stop and I proceed to leave my room. With the bulk of the night guards down at the train platform all that's left is a but a paltry few patrolling the halls and standing guard in the main receiving hall whilst Luna held her Night Court.
I make my way down the halls hiding behind the marble pillars that dot the passageway to the solar wing of the castle whenever a patrol makes their rounds. After a few minutes of sneaking and dodging, I have made my way to Celestia’s chamber doors. As always a pair of guard are standing by, protecting their princess.
Hehe, jokes on them. All they are guarding is an empty room. I made sure that the cake monster of Canterlot knew of tonight's shipment. And her sister too. Can't have Celestia going about stuffed on cake when there is a plot ahoof. And if anyone was to make sure she would come back empty-hoofed and with cake on the mind, it would be Luna and her guard.
Using my magic I slowly pull out a small glass bottle. Cheap and empty, but it will serve a purpose for me one last time. With a toss of my magic, I fling the bottle down the hallway where is crashed into a pillar with a satisfying crunch. Nice and loud.
Perfect.
The guards at the door hear the sound and take off to investigate the issue. Fools, the lot of them. Where are they getting these recruits these days. A potato has a higher IQ than some of these guards lately.
Time being of the essence, I swiftly move to the door and enter Celestia’s chambers.I have always found Celestia’s taste in furniture a bit dated, but it's not really a issue to nit-pick about tonight. I take note of my surroundings and spot my next objective. In the corner of the room not but 4 feet from the royal bedspread is Celestia’s private coldbox.
I make my way over to the box and get ready for the next phase of my plan when i notice that something moved in the corner of my eyes. I turn my head and look over to where I the offending shadow, and there, in all her glory, was the goddess of the sun, dead asleep on her bed.
…..
…..Bucking horseapples.
What is she doing here?! She's not suppose to be here!
I freeze whilst my brain locked up out of fear for what so she was going to do to me if she woke up. Soon she rolled over and started snoring, snapping me out of my delusion of being tossed into a dark and mildew encrusted cell in the dungeons.
I can still do this. There is still room for me to work and I've got all the time I need.
Moving slowly, I make my way over to the coldbox and slowly pull out a tin container from my bags. Opening the coldbox, I reach in and slowly take out its hidden prize. A slice of triple-layered chocolate cake with chocolate icing with chocolate sprinkles.
Had a cute little note beside it too. “No touching my stuff. That means you Lulu”.
Now here comes the hard part. I planed for the princess to be out of her room at this time so i would have no issues, but now with her here, this whole operation just got a lot more difficult.
Slowly I open my tin. One wrong scrape or erent sound and my hide would be smeared like paint across her walls if she woke up. I slowly take out a clone of the cake slice from the tin and replace it with the original slice. Its surprising what gets said around the castle when no one knows you are around to hear or cares.
Placing the ‘clone’ cake slice into the coldbox and the tin in my bag, I make my way over to the balcony doorway. What I did not expect was a world shattering click and squeak when I opened the doors. I freeze while my heart stops and decides to take a 15-minute tea break.
Silence. No new sounds or change in the sleeping monarch’s snoring. Seriously, she sounds like a lumber mill going at full steam.
Once I remembered i needed air and my heart got back to work, I shimmied my way passed the doors and closed them.
Now on the balcony, I proceed to make my escape. Knowing full well that the main doors are once again under watch by the guard, I pull out a length of rope. Always useful, rope. Never leave home without it.
Tying off an end of the rope to the nearby banisters, I slip over the railing, and using my magic, slowly descend down into the royal gardens. Once my hooves hit the ground, using a trick I learned from a Daring Do movie, I freed my rope from the railing, gathered it up, and made way once more to my chambers for the night. After shutting my doors, depositing my ‘adventure’ wears into a hidden drawer in my closet, I made way to my bed and promptly dived into my pillows. Sleepy and with nerves shaking, I quickly descended into sleep.
Tomorrow was gonna be a great day.
Day court was in full swing and the nobles was, as always, wanting some of Princess Celestia’s time. As she sat upon her throne, looking as motherly and understanding as she could at her subjects demands, she was suffering on the inside.
She did not understand what was wrong with her and why she felt so strange. She slept well. Had some of her emergency cake that she held in reserve. Had morning tea with her sister, whom by the way looked ever so pleased after last nights events.
Curse you Lulu. Why did you have to go to the station last night. I was wanting that cake. Mrs. Cake promised me a Strawberry Shortcake in the next order. Now I have to share it with you and our nephew. I love you both, but that cake was all mine.
Out of nowhere a low rumbling sound was heard, slightly startling Celestia and the bickering nobles before her. A look of discomfort flashed across her face before resuming her normal motherly mask.
“Did you hear something your majesty? Sounded like thunder” asked the noble before Celestia.
“Its nothing to worry about my little ponies. The weather team is getting ready for the rain storm that is going to happen today” Celestia said, lying through her teeth, knowing full well there was no rain scheduled for today.
Suddenly, and without warning, a loud blast sounded out in the main hall. A noise so loud that the windows in the room rattled and cracked. A sound so noxious it made every noble, servant, and guard within 20 feet fall over with their eye rolled into the back of their heads and foaming at the mouth. What was left of the survivors in the hall was gagging and struggling to breath.
……
Heheheeee…
...
Dear heavens that was funny. The look on Celestia’s face was pure bliss to look at. She was mortified. For ten minutes I could not stop laughing at her reaction and the aftermath of the blast. Even now they are still carting the nobles off to their estates to recover and the guards have been given a full week off-duty to recover.
Now if only I thought ahead and brought a camera with me, it would have been perfect. Last I heard Celestia is still on her throne. Heard Princess Luna say something about “The candles are lit, but nobody's home”.
Worry not Princess. She will be fine. But will you be fine next time? We shall see.
Still, it was worth the 200 bits for that ‘cake’. Regardless if I am nearly dead and in the ICU at Canterlot General. Can't wait till next week when I get out of here.
Author's Note
Hello readers. Thought I would take a shot myself at this fan fiction thing and see where it got me. Please let me know if I messed up something too bad. Constructive comments will help me look like an educated fish next time.
See you next time.