An Equestrian Patriotic Hymn Book

by PensacolaRanger

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Romance, Fancypants, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia
Length: 11347

Twilight and Spike write a collection of new patriotic hymns for Equestria----with mixed results.

After a summer holiday visit to a friend in another dimension---a world with a country called America populated by humans----Twilight and Spike come up with ideas for Equestrian parody songs based on American anthems. They decide to organize a recital at Canterlot Castle to debut these songs at the next Summer Sun Celebration----and the results are, well... mixed, to say the least. Each chapter of this story features an Equestrian parody of a familiar American patriotic tune. (It was to have debuted on the 4th of July weekend, but a 'failed moderation' has pushed it back a month or two. Here's hoping this new version will pass, and be completed by Labor Day weekend. Enjoy, and Viva Equestria!

Published 2015-07-07 00:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-13 16:36:14 UTC

Chapter 2 - Cranky Doodle Dandy

The next day, back in their respective Equestrian forms again: lavender little Alicorn Princess pony, and green & lavender little dragon, Twilight and Spike joined the Mane 6 again for lunch in the Friendship Castle Grand Dining Hall, and told their friends all about what they saw and did in America: the parades with uniformed human police on horseback (the non-speaking horses they rode and how they pranced,) the marching brass bands, the fireworks and artillery cannons (Spike beamed while Twilight winced) the pie-eating contests (Pinkie Pie drooled over that tale) and how Americans loved saying the phrase: “…as American as apple pie” (Applejack puffed up her barrel chest with pride on that one) the all-American dog show & pet costume contest (Fluttershy & Rarity both cooed at that) and----seeing Rainbow Dash was waiting to hear about something she'd like---the beach military jet-plane air & sea show! ("Awesome!" was all Dash could say about that.)

Then, of course, once everypony had wiped their muzzles & hooves clean with their napkins---Twilight prompted Spike to produce the song they’d composed the night before. The gang all looked over the lyric notes, and the duo sang a demo, as best they could.

“Whaddya’ think?” asked Twilight, with a SQUEE grin!

“ … … … ”

Only stark silence followed. That, and a few stunned eye-blinks.

A cricket-chirp at that moment, would’ve echoed long and loud through those amethyst crystal hallways.

“(Heh) Well…” Spike admitted, “We kind’a sorta came up with it on-the-fly. Might need some more work…”

“I think we can come up with a dozen more, and put them together in a show! YES! THAT’S IT!
A RECITAL OF NEW PATRIOTIC HYMNS FOR EQUESTRIA, just in time for next month’s Summer Sun
Celebration! Whaddya’ say, ponies?”

Again… only stark silence, and eye-blinks.

“Um,…Twilight… you’ve had a busy trip. Maybe you just need a little time to yourself." Fluttershy gently suggested.

“GREAT! Come on, Spike! Let’s get started on those other songs right away!" said Twilight, already magicking
Spike up and over onto her back, as she (*POP*) teleported from the dining table, off to her Royal Suite.

The others just kept sitting at the table.

“Five bits’ll get’cha ten, she makes us get up on stage and totally sing every last one of those stupid songs.”
Rainbow Dash grimaced.

“You’re on, sugar cube…” said Applejack, taking off her cowpony hat, and shaking out five gold bit coins on the table.

“I LIKE THE IDEA!” squeaked Pinkie Pie, “Those old Equestrian anthems are so dull and boring! This year’s Summer Sun Celebration needs something peppy & brassy to brighten it up! And if those Americans can do it, so can WE! (*Gasp*) Oh, and CAKES! CUPCAKES! (*Gasp*) And COOKIES! Ooh, I’d better get to Sugarcube Corner right away! See ‘ya later!”

With that, Pinkie Pie twirled her tail like a helicopter blade and took off out of one of the castle’s open windows.

“I suppose I’d better start thinking of costume designs for the recital. See you later, girls…” sighed Rarity, as she
got up and trotted off for home. Then AJ, Dash and Shy started clearing the table.

“I could clop Twilight on the head and make her think it was all a dream…” Rainbow Dash offered mischievously, as she
flew her pile of dirty dishes to the kitchen for washing, and Fluttershy started doing likewise with her pile.

“You do, an’ I’ll apple-buck you so hard your colors'll fall off!” Applejack warned sternly, as she trotted on ahead
through the kitchen double-doors.

“(*Sigh*) Won’t do no good no how, sugar cube. You know how Twilight gets: once she gets one 'a her crazy idears stuck in her head,
it’s full speed ahead like the Friendship Express to see it through, no matter what the outcome.”

Applejack paused, reflecting on those words as she started the sink water pump.

“…Reckon that’s why we like her so much. Look, guys…whatever happens, it’ll be all right. You’ll see.”

“It better be…” Dash grumbled, as she joined Fluttershy in hoof-scrubbing the dishes.

***

Time passed… Days passed… Weeks passed…

***

And soon it was time for the annual Summer Sun Celebration.

Princess Celestia raised the Sun on cue, to throngs of pony-stomp applause!

Tons of festivities filled the day…(too numerous to mention at this time…)

Then as evening came, Celestia lowered the sun and Sister Luna raised the Moon, all ponies in Canterlot, as well as some from Ponyville, Cloudsdale, Appleloosa, Manehattan and a few other communities, gathered around a raised stage in the Royal Castle Gardens, for the big Summer Sun Equestria Patriotic Music Recital, that Twilight & Spike had planned, cast, rehearsed, rehearsed, and re-rehearsed many times over…

…and STILL they were each nervously biting the nails of their fore-appendages in nerve-racking anxiety!!

After the orchestra tuned up (featuring Octavia Melody on cello, and Vinyl Scratch on electronic keyboard & effects) a spotlight shone stage-left, to thunderous hoof-stomp applause! And the emcee, Fancy Pants, trotted out from the wings to center-stage as the spotlight followed him. He then paused, and addressed the audience, in his upper-crusty native Trottingham accent:

“(Ahem) Good evening, Fillies and Gentlecolts, on this splendid Summer Sun Celebration evening. For this year’s patriotic recital, Friendship Princess Twilight Sparkle and her ever-faithful squire Spike, have composed a repertoire of new patriotic anthems, which are in fact, ‘Equestrianized’ versions of famous native anthems from a country in a…(*ahem*) rather…parallel dimension, which Princess Twilight had the good fortune to visit a month or so ago. Well, now… let’s just see what they’ve cooked up for us, now, shall we? Quite, yes…well now (ahem) Performing our first anthem for the evening, please welcome… Miss Pinkie Pie!"

The curtain rose, and Pinkie…bedecked in Latin-Equestrian frills, albeit in a bright red-white –and-blue color palate (Rarity
did the best she could) performed the (aforementioned) Equestria (Quest Side Story) covered in Chapter 1 of this story.

The finale’ to the number featured some stage pyrotechnics, provided graciously by…the Great & Powerful TRIXIE!!

And the response…was…. (heh) lukewarm, to say the least. Polite hoof-applause ensued, but less than enthusiastic.

Quickly the curtain came down, as behind the scenes, cast & crew prepared for the next number.

Up in her box-seat on the Castle Balcony overlooking the gardens, Princess Celestia turned to look at her younger sister.
The grin on her face was…more sheepish than Alicorn-like. “Well…that was…different. (Heh)” she managed.

“Courage, Big Sis…’tis only the first of many, tonight.” Luna managed, placing a hoof on Celestia’s tense shoulder.

Further down, in one of the lower rows, sat Miss Cheerilee, Big MacIntosh, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders,
plus Babs Seed. The two adult ponies applauded politely. The filles just stared, dumbstruck.

“Well… hey, a great start!” Miss Cheerilee offered, falsely optimistic.

"Nn-nope..” said Big Mac, matter-of-factly, then got up, excused himself & Apple Bloom, and trotted over to the backstage area, with Apple Bloom following.

“Meh, t'ain’t Bridleway, but it’s okay…” Babs shrugged.

***

Backstage, a crestfallen Pinkie Pie came clopping off stage. “Boy…tough herd tonight. I thought for sure they’d like it…”

“We are so…DEAD." A crushed Twilight swooned into a conveniently-placed cushy dining chair. Spike dropped two
Alpha-Seltzer tablets into a small water bucket and offered it to Twilight, who lapped it up after it finished fizzing.

“Aw, come on, Twilight, relax…it’s only the first number. They never go over well.” said Spike, reassuringly.

“Okay, okay, ponies, c’mon! Work with me here! Cranky & Matilda on next! Knock ‘em dead!"
said the Stage Manager Pony. (Same one from the Cloudsdale Best Young Flier’s Competiton)

“Hmph, I still think this is a stupid number…” Cranky Doodle Donkey groused.

“Does that mean you’re not ‘gonna do it, Doodle?” Matilda asked.

“Did I say that? Heck, no! Anything for Pinkie Pie and her friends!” he said, forcing a smile he didn’t really mean.

“And me, Sweetie?” asked Matilda, batting her eyes, and kissing her husband.

“And you, Snookums.” said a blushing Cranky.

Twilight twitched her ears, looked up from the bucket, and *BUURPED!* "Oww, by dose..." she squeaked, as Spike
reached up to pinch her fizz-reddened nose.

***

Out came Fancy Pants again, in spotlight: “Eh, right…Next up, Fillies and Gentlecolts, a rousing number that is actually two in one,
performed by that charming and lawfully wedded couple: Mister and Missus Cranky Doodle Donkey!!"

A brighter applause ensued as the band piped up and the curtain rose, revealing Cranky in full Uncle Sam regalia, and
Matilda in her best interpretation of Betsy Ross (according to Twilight’s historical notes to Rarity.) Fife & snare drums
sounded, and banners of the Two Sisters' Flag waved, as the couple marched in step:

CRANKY DOODLE & CRANKY DOODLE DONKEY*

Matilda: Cranky Doodle came to town

A-Strutting like a pony

Tore a name-tag off his wig

And said:

Cranky: "My name's NOT Tony!"

Matilda: Cranky Doodle, keep it up

Cranky Doodle Donkey

Mind the cadence and the step

And with the mares be…(Um…talky??)

[Marching Music Break 1]

Cranky: "And that ain't a josh!

I'm a CRANKY, by gosh!

Oh, say, can you see....

Anything about ol' Cranky that's a phony?"

[Music Turnaround]

"I’m, a Cranky Doodle Donkey...

A Cranky Doodle, do-or-die...

A real-live nephew of Celestia, dear

Born in the month of July!!!"

"I've got a Cranky Doodle sweetheart

She's my Cranky Doodle joy...

Cranky Doodle came to town

To marry sweet Matilda

I am that Cranky Doodle boy!"

[Marching Music Break 2]

"I've got a Cranky Doodle sweetheart

She's my Cranky Doodle, Cranky Doodle joy!

Cranky Doodle came to town

to marry Sweet Matilda---"

"I am that Cranky Doodle...

Yes, that Cranky Doodle...

I am that Cranky Doodle

CRANKY DOODLE BOY!!"

Again, polite applause ensued…yes, brighter than before…but again, less than what was expected.

“Okay…a little bedduh…” said Babs.

“Nice beat, heh, Sis?” Luna asked Celestia, who sat stiff, with a pained grin on her royal face.

"He's not MY nephew..." the confused Sun Princess thought, but didn't say aloud.

***

“(Pheww) Glad that's over…” said Cranky as the curtain came down and he & his mate trotted back stage.

“I thought you were wonderful, Doodle dear!” said Matilda, batting her eyes again.

“You too, ‘hon.” said Cranky, managing a smile he did mean this time.

“(*Hic! Groan*) Spike…keep those Alpha-Seltzers coming…” ordered a heartburn-ridden Twilight.

CONTINUED NEXT CHAPTER…

Author's Note

* - Derived from "Yankee Doodle" and "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

[(*Sigh) And I guess I can't please everypony, either...] :pinkiesad2:

Chapter 3 - Sweet Apple Acres' Theme

By now some stirrings and whinnies of discontent were beginning to stir, but not much. Most just crossed their forehooves, cast sidelong glances at each other, or tapped a hind-hoof impatiently. Some even checked their timepieces to see how far into the show it had been already. Some of the older ponies were whispering and grumbling about why it was even necessary to start changing the old hymns and anthems they had lived with and passed down through the ages.

***

Back stage, production crew-hooves moved old scenery off and new scenery on, and the manager called out:
“Okay, ponies, let’s go! Applejack and Rarity, on next! Trot-trot!”

“I still don’ see why I ‘gotta carry this dad-blamed pitchfork. It belongs in the barn, not on a stage!" AJ griped.

“Because we are recreating classic modern art, you country-bumpkin!” Rarity retorted in a stage-whisper.

“Them’s fightin' words, Miss Prissy…” Applejack hissed.

"BE QUIET, YOU TWO, AND JUST DO IT LIKE WE REHEARSED!!" Twilight ordered in her own stage-whisper.

The two sniping ponies just glared at each other, and trotted to their marks.

“Good thing this is classic modern art, so we don’ have ‘ta smile!"Applejack side-mouthed to Rarity.

“Not until the music starts!” Rarity side-mouthed back.

“(*Moan*) Maybe this whole thing wasn’t such a good idea after all, Spike…” a weary Twilight admitted.

“C’mon, give it a chance…” said Spike, “…if it was good enough to write, it’s good enough to perform."

Spike said that partly to comfort Twilight, and partly to comfort himself.

***

Meanwhile out front in the pit, the orchestra was fitting straw hats to their heads. Vinyl Scratch liked hers and
beamed a bright smile. Octavia simply donned hers with a combined look of revulsion and resigned obedience.

“This could be the end of both our music careers, you know?” she said softly to her roommate.

Vinyl just shrugged, then lifted a Jew’s Harp to her teeth and started twanging.

“Oh, please…” said Tavi in disgust, as she laid down her bow and started plucking the strings of her cello like an acoustic bass.

Soon, Fancy Pants trotted out from the wings again to center-stage, to announce the next number. “(Ahem) And now, a bit of rural Equestriana: a hoof-stomping country hoedown anthem, about the most famous apple farm, this side of Ponyville. Here to perform it for ‘yall,’ (I say, that was rather good, what? Ahem…) please welcome: Miss Applejack and Miss Rarity!!"

Polite applause rose, and so did the curtain-----to reveal a painted backdrop of the Apple Family gate, barn and orchard. Standing before it, framed in an oversized picture frame depicting the famous farmer & wife painting Equestrian Gothic, stood AJ & Rarity, as the music chimed up in bright country-bluegrass twangs, fiddles, guitars, mandolins, snare drums, a harmonica, Jew’s Harp and string-bass!

SWEET APPLE ACRES' Theme*

Applejack: “Sweet Apple Acres is the place to be

Apple farm livin’ is the life for me

Apple trees spreadin’ out so far and wide

Keep Manehattan,

I’m cravin’ that countryside…”

Rarity: “Manehattan’s where I’d rather stay…

I get all sneezy smelling hay…

I simply love a high-rise view…

Darling, just give me ol’

Steeple Park Avenue…”

Applejack: “Big chores!”

Rarity: “Big stores!”

Applejack: “Clean air!”

Rarity: “Chimes Square!”

Applejack: “Street muggers with knives!”

Rarity: “(*Gasp*) Ta-ta, city life…”

Both: “Sweet Apple Acres, we are there!!”

And with two taps of the pitchfork handle, the curtain came down!

But all that followed… was the sound of chirping crickets, from the hedges of the Canterlot Gardens.

The Crusaders, Babs, and even the Two Alicorn Sisters, all simply face-hooved themselves.

***

Back stage, Twilight looked as though she’d just spotted a cheese quesadilla on a banquet table.

“Well…the crickets liked it.” said Spike.

“And the critics did not…” Twilight swooned again back into the chair, as tiny stars began to spin in tiny orbits around her head.

“Um…critics don’t know everything…” said Spike, shrugging. He knew that was weak.

“Spike, that’s not helping…” Twilight scolded, also weakly.

The little dragon simply trudged over to Twilight’s seat, grabbed a spare piece of paper from a backstage podium, folded it,
and used it to fan Twilight’s stressed and perspiring face.

“Ooooh…this is going to be the longest night of the year for me…” said a very unhappy Twilight.

CONTINUES NEXT CHAPTER….

Author's Note

* - And you guessed it: Derived from "Green Acres."

Chief Thunderhooves: "Sheriff Silverstar and I have come to an agreement."

Silverstar: "We have!"

Thunderhooves: "That was the NEW worst performance we'd ever seen!"

(SIgh) Take off hat, salt, and eat... :ajsleepy:

Chapter 4 - Where the Sisters' Flag, and the Pegasi Fly

Behind the curtain, Applejack did not like what she was hearing one bit from out front: jeers, sneers, low boos and angry hooves rustling in place. Even some snobby coughs and “oh’s” and “well, I never’s.” as if Rarity had been cloned a hundred times over in Pinkie Pie’s old mirror pond. Clearly nopony in this herd was happy at all with any of the songs so far, or the way this show was turning out. Poor Twilight was turning eight shades of pale lavender from the audience’s disgusted reactions, and the night wasn’t getting any better for her. Applejack hoped this next number would turn things around in a hurry.

“Okay, Apple Family Band, on next!" called the manager.

Seeing her kin trot in through the backstage entrance, AJ grabbed her bass guitar and amplifier.
“I know a storm brewin’ when I hear one! Come on, Apples! Let’s give ‘em what-fer!”

***

Hoping also that this next number would turn the growing tide of discontent, Fancy Pants trotted out again---gingerly
this time, but now wearing a sky-blue cowpony hat, spangled with white and indigo stars.

“Um-hmm, yes, well… I can certainly see where this show is going tonight. (Heh, joke…ahem…) Fear not, dear friends…continuing the country theme for this next anthem, a rousing performance by…the Apple Family Band! Hit it, y’all!”

The curtain rose (without applause) to reveal a long, raised dais at center stage, with Applejack on bass & lead vocals, Appleloosa Cousin Braeburn on lead guitar & harmony vocals, Big Mac on backup guitar & harmony vocals, two other cousins on fiddles (I forget who exactly) Granny Smith on keyboard, Apple Bloom on tambourine, and (distant cousin) Pinkie Pie on drums.

(Seeing they weren’t needed for this one, the orchestra took a break to watch the band on stage.)

Guitars buzzed & twanged to life, as the backdrop behind them ran a projected full-color slide-show photo montage of breathtaking Equestrian vistas: the Manehattan skyline with the chess-piece Knight’s Head and Statue of Filly Liberty; the granite faces of Mount Monument with all four Alicorn Princesses, the rolling San Palomino Mountains, the rippling waters of Horseshoe Bay, the sweeping crop fields of Appleloosa and Dodge Junction, the majesty of Canterlot and Mount Canterhorn, the glistening spires of the Crystal Empire, the icy tundra of the Frozen North and so on. And every now & then, a shot of a Pegasus or Griffon winging across a white cloudbank or a clear blue sky, or the waving national flag: the Banner of the Two Sisters:

WHERE THE SISTERS' FLAG, AND THE PEGASI FLY*

Applejack: Well, if you ask me where I came from...

(Verse 1) Here's what I say to everyone...

I was born by Celestia's grace...

In a most extr'ordinary place...

Where the Sisters' Flag, and the Pegasi fly...

(Verse 2) It's a big ol' land of pony dreams...

And happiness ain't past our reach...

Hard work pays off just like it should...

Yeah; seen enough 'ta tell we got it good...

Where the Sisters' Flag, and the Pegasi fly...

(Bridge) There's a pony that stands in

A harbor for all we believe...

And there's a flugel horn echoing

The price, that we paid to be free...

(Verse 3) I pledge devotion to this flag...

And if it bothers you, well hay! Too bad...

But if you got pride down to your hooves...

Yeah, could use more ponies like me and you...

Where the Sisters' Flag, and the Pegasi fly...

[Music Break]

[Repeat Bridge]

(Verse 4) T'ain't the only place on this old earth...

But it's the only one that I prefer...

To love my family, and raise my kids...

Hey, the same way my Apple Daddy did...

Where the Sister's Flag, and the Pegasi fly...

Tag: Where the Sisters' Flag… and the Pegasi...

FLY...

Big Mac &

Braeburn: (SISTERS’ FLAG… PEGASI…

SISTERS’ FLAG… PEGASI…

SISTERS’ FLAG… PEGASI…)

[Music End]

The last chord played, and the curtain came down.

But instead of rousing applause and a standing ovation…all that came was a LOUDER storm of BOOS & HISSES… as though it were a baseball game and the home team just pitched its fourth foul ball of the evening.

“Well, shoot…” said Applejack, tilting her hat down, “…thought sure we had ‘em this time…”

“Ey-yup.” Big Mac agreed.

“I reckon Canterlot just ain’t the place to go country." Braeburn concluded.

“Nn-nope.” Big Mac agreed, again.

***

In the audience, Cheerilee was having second thoughts about this whole evening’s performance, but kept silent for the sake of her charges. The remaining Crusaders enjoyed the number, but winced at the hisses and boos. Seemed the cast & crew were having as hard a time pleasing this crowd, as they were having in getting their cutie-marks.

“Well, land sakes!” said Apple Bloom, as she & Big Mac rejoined the group: “I really liked that one! How come they all didn't?"

“Heh…you can’t please everypony." Sweetie Belle shrugged.

“I won’t be pleased ‘til I hear Rainbow Dash do hers!" said Scootaloo, cross-hooved.

“Meh.. that may or may not happen tonight, Scoots…” said a concerned Babs Seed.

"WHAT?" the other three said all at once!

“Why not?” asked Scootaloo.

“I’ve seen this before on Bridleway,” Babs explained. “The way this show’s goin’, guys, I bet’cha they start cuttin' things down to shorten up the show and leave early, to avoid a stampede."

“You think that’s ‘gonna happen here tonight?” asked an apprehensive Sweetie Belle.

“I ‘dunno, but the way things are goin’, they just might.” Babs concluded.

“Now-now, my little ponies…” said Cheerilee at last, “Don’t get yourselves all worked up for nothing. Princess Celestia would never allow such a terrible thing to happen. It’s only a show. I’m sure things will turn out all right in the end. You’ll see.”

“Ey-yup.” Big Mac agreed, grinning back at the lovely teacher pony.

Miss Cheerilee always did have a wonderful talent for seeing the good in every situation, and for downplaying
even the most potential of disasters, for the sake of her pupils. A very healthy, albeit naïve, point-of-view.

“It bedduh…but I got a funny feelin’ things are ‘gonna get a lot worse first…” said Babs, feeling the tension mounting.

***

Up in the Royal Box, the ripples were keenly felt, as Celestia face-hooved herself for the third time in a row.

“Dear Sister, I’m beginning to change my mind about this year’s music program…” said the brooding Sun Princess, then snorted: “Celestia’s grace, indeed…honestly, since when did anypony think I have control over who gets born and who
doesn’t? I don't have that power, and we ‘re not Goddesses! Hmph, really…” She crossed her hooves and grimaced.

“(Hee-hee-hee-hee) Tia…T’was only a song-lyric.” Luna giggled, “I rather enjoyed it. And I think that is the very trouble with this audience tonight: they are taking everything too seriously. Not even trying to enjoy it! Hmph… My only complaint is about the photo montage: not one single shot of my beautiful nights…” she pouted.

“Again, too much concentration on the Summer Sun Celebration, I suppose, Little Sis…” Celestia sighed.

Letting the topic slide, the two ruling Alicorns studied the roiling herd of disgruntled patron ponies below them.

“…And despite the occasion, by the sound of what’s concentrating right now beneath our hooves…” said Celestia,
“I fear this evening is not going to end well at all…”

Luna shuddered. “(*Gulp*) For once, Celestia, I do hope you are wrong…”

“So do I, Luna…” said Celestia, “…so do I…”

CONTINUES NEXT CHAPTER....

Author's Note

* - Derived from "Where the Stars and Stripes, and the Eagle Fly."

(Guess I'd better go reserve a bungalow-----on the outer-most asteroid.]

Chapter 5 - Canterlot (Weather Hymn)

Murmurs began again in the audience as scenery was changed and the next number was being prepared. Unrest was beginning to grow, and others also began to fear a stampede in utter disgust and retaliation if things were allowed to go too far. Sensing this, Celestia whispered something to Luna, who immediately took wing and flew off to Ponyville and Friendship Castle. The Sun Princess then whispered orders to her aides, who passed it along to the Royal Guards securing the Canterlot Castle & Garden premises. If an uprising occurred, it would be their royal duty to quell the disturbance down to a cool, calm, quiet and harmless walk-out if it came to that.

Canterlot tastes were, indeed, held to rather the loftiest standards in all of Equestria, rivaling even those of Manehattan, Baltimare, Las Pegasus, Applewood, Cloudsdale, Vanhoover, and the Crystal Empire to name a few. A cloud wouldn’t be allowed to pass over the kingdom, if it offended even the least of its community pillars.

Still, in spite of this stuffy, upper-crust attitude, not all Canterlot citizens took this constantly pious and disdainful outlook of the world-at-large to heart all the time. Fancy Pants was certainly one of the rare exceptions, here. He believed in giving all ponies the benefit of the doubt, especially if it meant introducing a fresh element of fun, spice, or otherwise diversion to the also-otherwise humdrum sterilized atmosphere of the many soirees he threw or attended in this…secretly savage herd of hen-pecking high society snobs. A view he
most definitely shared with the ruling Alicorn Sisters, and one of the reasons he chose to offer his time and services to this
experimental production in the first place.

***

But here and now, in this simmering sea of peer-pressured patrons of the performing arts, even he could feel a jet of steam pressure building up under his eye monocle, as well as from under the collar of his period costume, as he peered out nervously from the wings at the soon-to-be hostile mob, and began to wonder as well if tonight’s event wasn’t going to end in a bloody riot.

“Dear, oh, dear…” Fancy Pants muttered discreetly to himself as he magically rubbed his monocle clean and clear, “…just once, I do wish these top hats would stop taking everything so seriously, and just enjoy this program as the ‘something different’ it was meant to be.” He sighed deeply, then fixed the monocle back into place.

“All right, ponies: Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis, you’re next! Shake a hoof!” the manager summoned.

“(*Gulp*) Indeed…” said the spiffy emcee.

"Bonne chance, mon ami!" Fleur cooed to Fancy from behind the curtain, as she sauntered out to her mark.

“Ooooh, I love it when she speaks Prench…” he mused hungrily.

***

As Fancy Pants trotted out in full costume to introduce the next number, he was met with a few hisses and moans that the show was going on, anyway, and a few snickers at his medieval getup, with a woolen scarf draped loosely around the neck & shoulders.

“(Ahem) yes, well… and now, filles and gentlecolts, a showtune that takes us back to the days of medieval chivalry, when stallions were lords, and mares were ladies-in-waiting. Performed by (heh) yours truly, and the lovely Fleur-de-Lis!"

Relieved to shed their country garb and get back into “normal” music mode (Octavia in particular) the orchestra struck up again with warm strings and soft brass.

Lackluster hoof-claps stood in for applause now, as the curtain rose to reveal----a sweeping blue sky backdrop, rolling snowy white hills in foreground, a purple façade of the snow-capped Mount Canterhorn with the white & gold spires of Canterlot perched on its ledge in the background, and a bare tree on a small knoll center-stage. Fleur, clad in a flowing medium-gray gown and a loose-fitting thick fur-wrap, sat beneath the tree, as though she had listened to her partner carrying on a long and lofty conversation…

Fancy Pants: “Oh, my-my-my, dear sweet lady. Don’t run away. Please, reconsider. Why, just look all around you.

Canterlot is unique. And we have by far and away, the most equineable climate in all of Equestria!

And all… by royal decree!"

Fleur-de-Lis: “(Giggle) Oh, come now, Monsieur. Surely you cannot expect me to believe that…”

CANTERLOT (Weather Hymn)*

Fancy Pants: “It’s true! It’s true! To Cloudsdale, we made it clear:

Our climate must be royal, all the year…

Celestia passed a law some moons ago here…

July and August mustn't be too hot…

And there’s a regal limit to the snow here,

In Canterlot…”

Up in the Royal Box, Princess Celestia scoffed quietly: “I never passed any such law…” But Luna shushed her.

Fancy Pants

(Continued): “The winter is off-limits, ‘til December.

And exits just like magic on the dot!

(At least, it should.)

By order, summer lazes through September,

In Canterlot…

Canterlot… Canterlot…

Indeed, it sounds a bit bizarre…

But in Canterlot… Canterlot…

That’s just the way things are…

And by decree: no unauthorized tornadoes…

By dawn, the morning fog must disappear!

In short, there’s clearly not,

A more delightful spot,

For Happily-Ever-Cantering

Than here, in... Can---ter---lot!"

Fleur-de-Lis: “Oh, and I suppose in autumn, the leaves simply flutter down off the trees in neat little piles.”

Fancy Pants: “Oh, no-no-no, my dear…they may hold an annual pony race in White Tail Woods to shake the leaves off.

But in Canterlot, they simply blow away in the wind…in an authorized tornado by the Pegasi.

Overnight, of course…”

Fleur-de-Lis: (scoffs...)

Fancy Pants: “Canterlot… Canterlot…

Indeed, it gives a pony pause…

But in Canterlot… Canterlot…

Those are the royal laws…

The rain here never falls ‘til after sundown

And by dusk, Luna’s moonlight shall appear!

(No nightmares, please!)

In short, there’s clearly not,

A more delightful spot,

For Happily-Ever-Cantering…

Than here, in...CAN---TER---LOT!!!!!"

At this point, Fleur & Fancy’s muzzles were close enough to kiss, when----*SPLAT!* A rotten tomato splattered Fleur in the face!

“OH, MON DIEU!!" she squealed indignantly!

“What-WHAT? OH, I SAY, THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR! ALL RIGHT, WHO DID---OH!" Fancy began to splutter angrily,
when *SPLAT!* he also got one dead-on in the face! The crowd BURST into peals of haughty LAUGHTER!

“HOW DARE YOU? OW-OOF-EEYEECH!” Now both Fancy and Fleur were being pelted in a FLURRY of flying garbage, rotted vegetables, and other rubbish materials, hurling up at them from the now HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING crowd!

“CURTAIN! CURTAIN!"Fancy Pants called out!

As the scenery flats toppled over and the curtain fell, both Fancy and Fleur galloped for their lives, exiting stage-left!

And for the first time tonight, the crowd CHEERED, WHINNIED & APPLAUDED with gusto!!

***

Back stage, a furious Fleur-de-Lis was spouting Prench expletives as both she and Rarity worked rags with their magic horns to wipe away the mess and debris from her now-ruined face and costume. Fancy Pants did likewise with a large terry-cloth towel.

“Well…I never!” Fancy swore, his thin mustache bristling, and his monocle already dropped to dangle on its string. “Most uncivilized…how DARE they do such a thing…Princess Twilight, I must apologize for the despicable behavior of such----hm? Your Highness? Where are you---*GASP* OH, MY!" Fancy’s blue eyes grew wide as tea saucers!!

A shocked Fancy Pants found Princess Twilight Sparkle lying on the backstage floor on her side. PASSED OUT.

CONTINUES NEXT CHAPTER… (Somehow.)

Author's Note

* - Derived from the title song to "Camelot."

Ever wonder in these stage-show stories how the crowd always happens to bring rotten vegetable garbage to hurl at the stage for an act they really don’t like? When did that ever start, anyway? And where do they keep it: under their seats? Oh, well, more research… :unsuresweetie:

PS: More research done. Reviewed "Winter Wrap-Up" again, and noted that in the show, only Ponyville is shown to "traditionally" perform Winter Wrap-Up; not Canterlot. Okay, now my head's hurting...:ajbemused:

So...how many hooves-down is that now?

Chapter 6 - What is Equestria to Me?

Standing by the unconscious Alicorn princess, working his little paper fan like crazy to give her enough air to revive, Spike told the emcee pony: “Sorry, Mister Fancy Pants…poor Twilight couldn’t take any more bad revues, so she fainted. I didn’t know what else to do!”

“(*Gasp!*) Oh, la-la…” said Fleur as she trotted up to gauge the situation, then lean her head on Fancy Pants’ shoulder.

“There, there, my dear…” said Fancy. As he led Fleur to a corner away from the dreadful scene, Applejack & Rarity rushed over.

“(GASP!) Oh, no, Twilight! Spike, darling, what’s happened to her?” asked Rarity in shock.

“She’s fainted, is what!” said Applejack, before Spike could explain. “Quick, water!" AJ ordered.

Spike & AJ ran over to a backstage sink to refill the small Alpha Seltzer bucket with fresh water.

Carrying the bucket by the handle in her teeth, AJ hastened back over to Rarity.

"Chill it!" she tried to order, but the handle made her slur the words through her teeth.

“Huh, what?” asked Rarity, not sure she heard right.

AJ rolled her green eyes in frustration. "Make it COLD!" she muffed, darting her eyes down at the bucket.

“OH, right!” said Rarity, lowering her horn to the water. One magic glow, and it became ice water.

“Thanks… now get back!"AJ ordered. Rarity trotted back, as AJ approached their unconscious friend.

AJ positioned the bucket over Twilight’s resting head, and Spike prepared to tilt it.

“Time to take the ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE!" he said!

**SPLOOSH!!**

"AI-EEEEEE-YAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!!!"

One tilt was all it took. An ICEWATER-SHOCKED TWILIGHT SPARKLE sprang up off the floor, beat her wings like mad, flew corkscrews in the air around the backstage area---then darted out from the wings----right to the very center of the big stage, for ALL TO SEE!

***

The crowd hushed with an enormous “HO…” and just stared. Cheerilee, Big Mac and the Crusaders all froze in their row.
Even Celestia up in the Royal Box, froze in her seat, thankful Luna wasn’t back yet to see this.

There on stage stood Twilight, sopping wet from mane to tail. Her hair hung down in straight bangs (straighter than usual,) and she stood in a big wet puddle, dripping water and small chunks of ice, all over her spot on the stage where she’d landed.

For a while, Twilight just stood stock-still---her muzzle & cheeks three different shades of red---and stared with her HUGE amethyst eyes, their pupils shrunk to the size of ten-bits, as her barrel chest heaved with heavy breaths of air. For that same while, that was all the sound to be heard from the stage: her heavy snorts of that same air, as she tried to hold herself in place and force herself to calm down, instead of freaking out and galloping off in sheer panic.

At last, certain she was calm enough to speak, she took one very deep breath (almost puffing up like a bullfrog) blew it out slowly through her puckered lips (almost in a descending whistle sound,) and took a few clopping steps forward, nearing the edge of the stage. She gazed down, and saw the orchestra musicians all staring up at her in anticipation----as if not sure to strike up some music or not.

Twilight re-directed her gaze to the audience, gulped, cleared her throat, then spoke…

“Umm…I, uh… I passed out back stage. They woke me up with a bucket of…ice water."

The audience BURST INTO GUFFAWS OF RAUCOUS LAUGHTER, as poor Twilight Sparkle shivered, then shook her hooves one by one to try and flick off the ice water, with no success. She then crouched and shook like a dog to dry herself, but the laughter GREW. She tried to take a step, but slipped on a stray spent tomato and toppled backward---landing unceremoniously on her tail!
The squashed tomato had sailed up, arced over, and now landed on Twilight’s face with a BIG WET SPLAT!

HOWLS & NEIGHS OF LAUGHTER rose from the audience, as poor Twilight sat on her haunches, twitching in pain, as the spent tomato slid off her nose and plopped back to the stage floor. She hung her head in shame, tears welling up in her eyes, as she waited for the laughter to subside. Her friends and Fancy Pants looked on from the wings, mortified at what was happening to her.

Panting even harder now to keep her tears in check, as the laughter finally did subside, Twilight steeled herself, and ignoring her pain, got up and faced the crowd. Bravely. Humbly. Wearily.

Again, the crowd hushed, as Twilight prepared a second time to speak.

“I…I deserved that. I should never have tampered with the most hallowed of all our music...the sacred patriotic anthems of our homeland. I... I thought I could improve upon them, by... by making them more American than Equestrian… but… I see now, that… that was wrong of me… You all understand, respect and cherish all things Equestrian; not American… That’s too new of a New World, for this land… I really should have thought things through, before attempting something like this. I… I’m sorry. So…so very sorry… I’ve ruined this year’s Summer Sun Celebration for all of you… Please forgive me…”

***

“Hoo-boy, what’d I tell ‘ya? Here it comes…” Babs Seed whispered gloomily to the other Crusaders.

***

“F-Fillies and Gentlecolts…” Twilight continued, shakily, “…the remainder of tonight’s program…is hereby canceled."

At this, the crowd erupted into one big, shocked **GAAASP!!**

***

Backstage, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were watching, in toga costumes, when they heard the announcement.

“Oh, my… Does this mean we don’t get to do our Cloudsdale Anthem?” asked Fluttershy.

“Hay-men to that!" said Rainbow Dash, “I never liked it that much anyway!"

“Aww…but we worked so hard on it…” Fluttershy whined.

“Face it, Shy…it sucked!" said Dash, and blew a raspberry with her tongue!

***

Now an awkward unrest rose in the crowd. Some CHEERED and tried to applaud, but were quickly SQUELCHED by other patrons! Some tried to walk out in disgust, but were quickly held back by other ponies grabbing their coattails or dresses with their teeth, forcing them to stay. Some fights started breaking out, but Celestia’s Royal Guards quickly fanned out to contain whatever riots were being incited. A lot of arguments began, some between guards and patrons, some between Canterlot citizens and ones from out of town.

What was gradually becoming clear was this: however good or bad the show was going, no one felt they deserved to settle for
only a half-finished show! Some wanted their bits refunded; some threatened to sue if they weren’t refunded; others wanted compensation for their holiday evening plans being ruined; others argued in favor of Twilight, claiming they weren’t giving the show a chance, and so forth and so on…

As the new unrest grew, Princess Celestia abandoned the Royal Box and flew down to the stage, landing by Twilight.

"STOP!" she ordered! “EVERYPONY, PLEASE, STAY WHERE YOU ARE, AND KEEP CALM!"

“Twilight Sparkle, aren’t you being a little premature about all this?” Celestia scolded slightly.

“Wait-what? But you saw, your Highness; it’s a DISASTER! They hated---” Twilight started, but Celestia cut her off:

“Canterlotians hate a lot of things at first, but they soon like them later! New ideas are always a hard-sell in Canterlot!
And as you can see, not everypony wants the show to stop right this instant! So Twilight, please, reconsider!!"

Twilight was going to say that no, her mind was made up----when suddenly, a voice in the ancient royal Canterlot We
called out from the sky:

"WAIT!! CITIZENS OF CANTERLOT!! BE NOT TOO HASTY!! LISTEN TO WHAT THIS ONE HAS TO SAY!!"

It was Princess Luna, her wings spread across the face of the Moon (like a bat) to get the crowd’s attention.

She got it, all right. Cries of “Oooh!” and “Ahhh” and murmurs of amazement rose from the puzzled crowd.

The Night Princess then dropped from the Moon’s face, and dove for the stage, swooped, and landed. And…she was carrying saddlebags, and a passenger: a tuxedo-clad stallion with a microphone cutie-mark, that looked strangely familiar to Twilight and Spike…

“Ken?? (*GASP!*) KEN LAWRENCE!! Ohmygoshomygoshomygosh—how did YOU get here? And as a pony, too?”

“I summoned him through the mirror portal at Friendship Castle…” Luna explained, “…and he has a surprise for you.”

“For me?" asked Twilight, puzzled.

“For all of you!" said Ken.

As Luna folded her wings, Ken dismounted, opened the saddlebags, and passed several pages of papers down to the orchestra pit. Spike and Fancy Pants came running out to help.

“Here…new song! Just play the intro and chords, and follow my lead!” Ken called out.

Ken & Luna looked to Celestia for approval, as did the entire orchestra. “Yes! Do as he says!” she commanded.

***

“Hey…who’s the new stud? He’s kind’a cute…” said Babs. The other Crusaders just shrugged from their row.

***

As the Princesses returned to the Royal Box and the orchestra studied the new music and readied their instruments,
Twilight trotted up to Ken.

“I don’t understand; none of our songs are working tonight; how is this one supposed to make everything all better?”

“Just smile, Twilight; I’m taking a chance, too…” said Ken, feigning confidence. “I sing the American version of this tune every summer at the local nursing homes back home. Hasn’t failed yet to stir a patriotic soul. Trust me, it’ll work…”

“It better…” said Twilight, gritting her teeth. And with that, Twilight walked to center stage.

“Fillies and Gentlecolts, for his first-ever performance tonight in Canterlot, please welcome: all the way from Las Pegasus,
the traveling show-pony, KEN LAWRENCE!!”

A puzzled, but accommodating crowd, managed a polite applause as they returned to their seats.

“Las Pegasus?" Ken asked Twilight, quizzically.

“Trust me; it’ll work…” said Twilight, winking.

The orchestra struck up, playing warm strings, as Ken took center stage to sing:

WHAT IS EQUESTRIA TO ME?*

What is Equestria to me?

A name? A Cutie-Map? A Sister’s Flag I see?

A monarchy with democracies?

What is Equestria, to me…

The house I dwell in, a patch of land, its street…

The grocer and the farmer, and the ponies that I meet…

The fillies in the playground, the faces I can see…

All races, creeds, and species…that’s Equestria to me…

The place I work in, the workhorse by my side…

The hamlets or the cities, where my ponies lived and died…

The howdy and the hoof-shake, the air I breathe so free…

And the right to whinny my mind out…

That’s Equestria to me...

The foals I see around me…the large ones, or the small…

The tiny corner newsstand…or the castle, five-miles tall…

The wedding and the barnyard, the giggles and the tears…

And the dream that has been growin’…

For over two-thousand years…

The town I dwell in…the sun, the stars, the moon…

The apple trees, the oat fields, or a garden fresh in bloom…

The Cutie-Mark Crusaders Clubhouse, the countless lights I see…

But especially: THE PONIES…

That’s… Equestria… To… Me…

[End song]

It seemed to do the trick. A ROUSING APPLAUSE with cheers, whinnies and whistles, rose from the crowd. Some were dabbing tears from their eyes with hoof-kerchiefs, while others puffed out their chests with heads held high.

***

“He mentioned our clubhouse! He mentioned OUR clubhouse!!" the Cutie Mark Crusaders cheered!

“Yeah…he ain’t too bad!” Babs agreed, her forehooves folded proudly.

And up in the Royal Box, Luna beamed a grateful smile. “Finally…a tune mentioning my moon and stars!”

Celestia leaned over to Luna. “You do realize the Canterlot Weather Hymn mentioned you, too, right?”

Luna stopped, and blushed. “Oh! (heh) right…”

***

“Jolly good show, my good pony! Couldn’t have done it better myself!" said Fancy Pants, congratulating Ken and shaking him by the hoof. Ken gave a curt nod in gratitude.

“So…” Ken said, now turning to Twilight, “…what happens now?"

Twilight bowed her head in thought for moment… then straightened up, eyes WIDE! “ I know!” she exclaimed!

She teleported stage left, and called into the wing:

“CUT TO THE FINALE’! EVERYPONY ON STAGE FOR THE GRAND FINALE'!!"

CONCLUDES NEXT CHAPTER…

Author's Note

Derived from: "America to Me (The House I Live In)"

Don't worry; it'll all be over soon...

Chapter 7 - Equestria the Beautiful

“All right, you heard the Princess! Everypony onstage for the Grand Finale’! Everypony! Places! Places! Come on, time is short, work with me, work with me, here!” the Stage Manager pony called out, stomping her hooves to motivate the stage herd.

So now every member of cast and crew, including the stage manager, came out from the backstage wings to take position center stage. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, still in their Cloudsdale togas (no time for a costume change) fell into step with the stageward migration. Fancy Pants and Ken Lawrence joined them, passing through the curtain folds at stage center. Crew ponies wheeled a dais with four tiered rows into place at stage center. Then, one by one, cast & crew filled up the rows, until they reached full capacity. Those who could not fill the dais, stood in line on either side.

“Everypony in place?” called Twilight.

“All set, your Highness!” called the Manager.

“Orchestra ready? Finale’ number!” called Twilight to the pit.

Pages rustled, instruments raised, and the conductor tapped his baton. “Ready, your Highness!”

“Fireworks, ready?” called Twilight, up to the stage roof.

From her perch on the stage roof, Trixie looked back to a clearing behind the stage, where Snips, Snails and other fireworks crew ponies had rows of rockets, spinners and other pyrotechnic wonders standing by to light up & launch on cue.

“Ha! Always ready!” the magician pony called back, waving a confident hoof.

“(*Gulp*) Okay, here goes, all or nothing this time…” said Twilight softly to herself, almost in prayer.

Then, raising her head in (feigned) confidence, she put on her brightest smile, and faced the audience.

“And now, fillies and gentlecolts, we close tonight’s Summer Sun Celebration program, with a special grand finale' number, number, followed by our annual fireworks display. CURTAIN, AND…MUSIC!"

Cymbals crashed, kettle drums boomed, brass blared and strings hummed from the orchestra pit, as the curtain rose to reveal the entire cast and crew choir (the end-ponies holding Sisters’ Flag banners tall and proud) as on the back screen, sweeping motion-picture vistas of Equestria rolled by, each in turn, as the finale’ song lyrics announced them.

EQUESTRIA THE BEAUTIFUL*

Oh, Canterlot, Oh, Baltimare, Manehattan by the sea…

Oh, Ponyville, Las Pegasus, and Forest of Everfree…

Equestria, Equestria, Celestia’s grace on thee…

And crown thy good, with ponyhood

From sea to sparkling sea…

From Vanhoover, to Horseshoe Bay,

To Cloudsdale’s lofty heights…

Thy Crystal Empire’s majesty,

‘Neath Luna’s moonlit nights…

Equestria, Equestria, may thy peace never end…

And Twilight’s Kingdom always show,

The magic of a friend…

From Fillydelphia’s summer scenes,

To White Tail Woods in fall…

Foal Mountain’s winter festivals,

To spring in Winsome Falls…

Equestria, Equestria, thy beauty always shines,

From coast to coast, forever more,

Eternity be thine…

Oh, Unicorns and Pegasi, Earth Ponies all alike…

Belong to you, and you to us, to share and share alike…

Equestria, Equestria, Celestia’s grace on thee…

And crown thy good, with ponyhood

From sea to sparkling sea…

From sea…to…sparkling… sea!!!!!

[End]

And on the last chorus and refrain tag, on Trixie’s cue, colorful blooms and airbursts lit up the night sky! On a total whim, Rainbow Dash zoomed skyward, power-dove, and performed a perfect Sonic Rain-BOOM (just like at Cadence’s royal wedding) to make the grand finale’ and fireworks show, the perfect closing spectacle for the Equestria Summer Sun celebration!

The audience erupted into powerful throngs of APPLAUSE, CHEERS, WHISTLES & WHINNIES!!!

And in the Royal Box, the Alicorn Princesses reared up, hoof-clapped, and flapped their wings in glee!!

***

“There, you see?” said Miss Cheerilee to the Crusaders, as they were all herding away with the audience towards the exits,
“Nothing to worry about. All’s well that ends well!”

“Ehhh…W. Shakesmare." said Big Mac.

“(*Gasp*) You read William Shakesmare?” asked Cheerilee in surprise.

“Ey-yup!” said Mac, nodding.

“Well…I’ll just have to bring a volume or two over some time…to pore through together." said Cheerilee, dreamily.

“Uh—huh." Mac agreed, as he and the teacher pony shared a romantic nose-boop.

“Ewwww, bleechh!" said the Crusaders in disgust!

“Apple Bloom, you sure the effects of that ‘love poison’ potion ever went away?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Not anymore, I ain’t.” said Apple Bloom, shaking her head.

Scootaloo just rolled her eyes. “I’m disappointed Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy didn’t get to do their Cloudsdale Anthem. I was really looking forward to that.”

“Eh, don’t sweat it, Scoots…” said Babs, “...you know, I bet maybe, if you ask real nice…
they’ll do a special performance at the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ Clubhouse, just for you guys!"

“Really? You mean it? Like, at our next big meeting?" asked Scootaloo, all excited.

“I wouldn’t put it past ‘em!” said Babs.

“Oh, that reminds me…” said Apple Bloom, now trotting up to Babs, “even though you got your cutie-mark now, Babs, I just want you to know: you’re always welcome to visit our clubhouse again. Consider yourself an alum---um, alumn—nuh…” Bloom struggled for just the right word.

“I think you mean an alumnus. Graduate member. Glad ‘ta hear it!” said Babs, hoof-bumping with Bloom.

“So, um…when’s beauty school start for you?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“First thing this fall…” said Babs, “…and Babs Seed aims ‘ta be a cut above the rest!” she said, with a predatory grin.

They all enjoyed a good big LAUGH at this!

***

Later, as cast and crew were calling it a night, Princess Celestia pulled her brightest student into a warm, heartfelt embrace.

“I am so proud of you, Twilight Sparkle. So, tell me…what lesson have you learned today?”

After pausing to think, Twilight said: “…I’ve learned that…I should never be afraid to try new things, even when the results are not what I expected, or intended. Creating new patriotic anthems may have been easy to do at first, but not easy at all to inspire a crowd with. I’m the Princess of Friendship…but I’m no George M Cohan.”

“Um…who?" asked a puzzled Princess Celestia.

“(Heh) Long story, your Highness…” added Ken Lawrence. “…and not everything Mr. Cohan wrote was an instant success, either. We all have our hits and misses…even in America.”

He then turned to Twilight. “…but I agree with you, Princess Twilight: we can't let ourselves be afraid of failure, even in the midst of it. My forefathers had the fear of failure first and foremost on their minds. But that never stopped them from breaking away from tyranny, forming an independent nation, and striving to improve the quality of life in it, each and every day since.”

“We hold these truths to be self-evident…” Twilight quoted, reading from the words of Thomas Jefferson, “…that all are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator, with certain inalienable rights. That among these are life, liberty…and the pursuit of happiness.”

“We’re not guaranteed the achievement of happiness. Only the right to pursue it. And right or wrong, for better or worse…your people, and my people, pursue that happiness freely, each and every day. That’s the American dream. And, it would seem…the Equestrian dream, too.”

Deeply touched, Celestia clopped over and pulled Ken, also, into a warm, heartfelt embrace.

Then, sniffing and blinking away a tear, she commented: “Very well put, Mr. Lawrence. Indeed, we have a lot to talk about, and a great deal more to learn about this…America, you come from. Come, please…won’t you join Twilight, Luna and me for some late-evening tea in the palace?”

Ken paused for a moment, in delighted shock. “I’d be delighted, your Highness.” he consented.

But just as they were all turning to leave, Ken caught sight of Applejack. “Oh, wait, please, just one more thing, be right back!”
he hastened to say, turning to trot back toward the saddlebags Luna hung on a hook backstage.

“Wait, Miss Applejack?” he called!

“Hm, yes, what?” said AJ curiously, looking around to see who had spoken.

“Over here!” said Ken, as he plunged his teeth into one of the bags, and pulled out a hardcover book.

He trotted it over to AJ and placed it down on a small table nearby. “Souvenir from home. Thought you might like it.”

She trotted over to eye the title. (Amazingly, as Ken was converted to pony by passing through the mirror portal, so, too, were the words on his sheet music, and the text of this book, instantly converted from American English, to Equestrian Equish.)

Applejack squinted at the title on the cover. “Huh? Tales of American Folk Heroes?"

Ken just gave a friendly wink, then trotted back to rejoin Celestia’s party as they exited.

Curious, AJ called Spike over to handle the book. He opened it, and claw-thumbed through the pages.

“Huh…tall tales and legends…” said AJ, “Pecos Bill…Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett, Casey Jones, Paul Bunyan… WHOA!"

Spike halted on command. “What? What is it, Applejack?”

She just stared at the page with wide eyes. Curious himself now, Spike turned and also studies the page.

“Whoa! Check it out…” said Spike, now staring also with wide eyes.

"JOHNNY APPLESEED!?" They both exclaimed at the same time!

A silly grin spread across AJ’s face. "I LIKE IT ALREADY!!" She proudly declared.

Spike just rolled his eyes…and said nothing.

[END OF 'MANE STORY.' BONUS CHAPTERS TO FOLLOW...]

Author's Note

And of course, derived from: "America the Beautiful."
With fireworks:

Or without fireworks:

(*Sniff*) Either way, makes my waterworks flow everytime... :fluttercry:

Oh, Lordy... that last one could be a whole new story in itself. Someday. Maybe. :applejackconfused:

I may be adding a few things later, but not as part of the main story. "Deleted scenes" you might say.

Okay, you thumbs-downers, it's over. Be happy. :twilightangry2:
For you thumbs-uppers, Thanks. Long live Equestria, and God Bless America! :twilightsmile:

Chapter 8 - Cloudsdale Anthem (Alternate Version)

It was a big day at the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ Clubhouse. Legions of Crusader & Rainbow Dash fans had gutted the vicinity around the little clapboard tree structure, including classmates from Ponyville Elementary School, and other fillies from neighboring towns. Even CMC Alum Babs Seed was present---if only to keep the two ex-bullies Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon in check, if they happened to slip back into their old habits. Spike was present, too, as resident piano player for today’s event. Miss Cheerilee & Big Macintosh were also present, as well as Rarity and Princess Twilight Sparkle.

A small curtained stage with audience benches was erected on the grass just outside the clubhouse. The speaker’s podium was
set up to stage-right, where club president Apple Bloom, with brand-new cutie mark on display for all to see, was serving as emcee:

“(*Ahem*) All right, Fillies and Gentlecolts, the business part of our monthly Cutie Mark Crusaders Club meeting is now concluded. But before we adjourn, we have as a very special, musical performance, prepared just for you. Presenting now: Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, performing an alternative version to…THE CLOUDSDALE ANTHEM!"

HOOF-CLAPS & CHEERS ensued, as Spike struck up the keys! At stage-left, Scootaloo pulled a mouth-rope to raise the curtain. Sweetie Belle magically powered the spotlights from behind the audience, as Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy (in white togas with gold trim, and gold laurel wreaths crowning their manes) flew & hovered, in front of a crudely painted backdrop of the floating city of Cloudsdale. (Apple Bloom’s own mouth-brush & hoof-paint work.)
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CLOUDSDALE ANTHEM (Alternate Version)*

Verse 1: Cloudsdale, Cloudsdale, high above all

Flying high o’er all the Earth…

Always all, for Earth’s protection,

Pegasi, we proudly stand…

From Manehattan, to Las Pegasus,

Arctic North to desert South…

Served and serving,

Deserved and deserving,

Cloudsdale, high o’er all the Earth…

Fierce and royal, brave and loyal,

Cloudsdale high o’er all the Earth….

Verse 2: Pony Earth and Pony Pegasus,

Unicorn and Alicorn…

Ponies all from different backgrounds,

United at sound of the horn…

Flyer or Wonderbolt, Weather Factory,

Rain or snow, or sleet or hail…

Serve Equestria, and Celestia,

Rainbows and sunshine shall prevail…

Clear or stormy, noble service be,

Cloudsdale, high o’er all…

the…

Earth…!!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

MORE CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ensued!!

“AWESOME, AWESOME!!” cheered Snips.

“Yeah, that was the most..umm…amazingest…awesomest…whatever that was, ever! GO CLOUDSDALE!!"
said the dull-eyed Snails, not having the slightest clue, but just happy to be cheering.

Not saying a word, Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon simply hoof-clapped, eyes appearing to glower, but muzzles stoically silent.

“(*Heh-heh,*) Dey’re speechless…” said Babs. “Can’t think ‘a one single bad thing ‘ta say about it…”

After the applause died down, Tiara finally spoke up: “That…was…AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!"

And with the false tension broken at last, the two ex-bully fillies CHEERED & APPLAUDED!!

Babs froze, stock-still, eyes wide and mouth agape. “Wow…’dey really have changed! Who’da thunk?”

“Thanks, everypony! Meeting adjourned!" said Apple Bloom.

As the audience herd dispersed, a few hung behind and herded in closer to the edge of the stage, to give thanks and praise to the performers. Comments like: “Wow, that was really amazing…” and: “way better than that improvised one at the Equestria Games…”
were passed around.

Spike blushed with embarrassment at the recollection of his dismal attempt to make up a ‘Cloudsdale Anthem’ on the spot, when the Crystal Empire hosted the games. He really should have thought things through before jumping in, that time. Grateful that this version went over better, the little dragon seemed satisfied that the old mistake had finally been corrected.

“Wow…they liked it. They really liked it! Yay…” cooed Fluttershy, in soft enthusiasm.

“Yeah…really ‘gotta hoof it to you, guys. It didn’t suck, after all. Maybe this really could become our new anthem!”

“(*Gasp*) Really??” asked Fluttershy.

“Sure…when pigs sprout wings! Heh-heh-heh!!” Dash chuckled, with a sly wink.

Fluttershy just grimaced, wrinkling her face into the most sour expression she could muster.
Just like Rainbow Dash to take advantage of her shy friend’s naivety as a poor joke.
Sometimes, Fluttershy swore Dash had more in common with Tiara & Spoon that even she thought.

Then at last, Babs sauntered up to the old gang, proud as punch. She eyed their new flank icons: each a small red, pale pink and blue shield, but each with a different object in the middle. A heart-centered apple for Apple Bloom, a star & musical note for Sweetie Belle, and a wing & lightning bolt for Scootaloo. Babs then glanced back at her own cutie-mark: a small pair of scissors, then proudly stood alongside her fellow club members, saying:

“So…the new Cutie-Mark Crusaders! Blank flanks, no more! Guess this makes you graduates, too! Congratulations, gang!”

They all gathered in for a big group-hug with the Manehattanite.

“Thanks, Babs.” said Sweetie Belle. “I guess so; we have graduated. So now we’ve ‘gotta set a new example by helping others to
change for the better, and find their special talents. And there’s still plenty of blank flanks yet to be helped!”

“Too right, mates!” said Pipsqueak. “I still don’t have mine yet! Neither does Button Mash, nor half of the rest of the class!
I thought I could get mine in school politics, but, well, you all saw how that turned out…” his head, ears and tail drooped.

“Aww…chin up, Pipsqueak! Equestria’s still a free country, isn’t it?” said (a very uncharacteristically positive) Diamond Tiara. “If they can do it, so can you. All you needed was to hire me as your new Secretary of the Treasury, to get the money from my Dad to buy the new school playground equipment. And…I actually feel good about being an organizer of other ponies, instead of just bullying them all the time. I don't have to be a spoiled brat, just because I come from a rich family. Thanks, Crusaders. And…sorry for picking on you all this time, like I did. I just…wanted to be…more like you."

At this, a smirking Silver Spoon sauntered up to Diamond, gripped her in a headlock, knocking her tiara off temporarily,
and gave her BFF a head-noogie!

"Who are you, and what have you done with Diamond Tiara? (*Hee-hee-hee-hee!*)” she demanded jokingly.

They all enjoyed a big, noisy GROUP LAUGH!!

Indeed, for each and every one of them…whatever the future held in store…

nothing was ever going to be the same, for any of them. ever again.

[ALMOST 'THE END.' 1 MORE BONUS CHAPTER TO GO COMING SOON...]

Author's Note

* - Derived from the national anthem of Germany, 'Das Deutschlandlied.'

Yeah, I know...kind'a flogging a dead horse here, as the old saying goes... Still, it seemed a great idea at the time. Been kicking this one around for a while since the end of last summer. But now since the airing of the episode 'Crusaders of the Lost Mark,' I felt it was time to tag this one on, and scribble a story chapter around it, tying it in with that episode. Like it or dislike it; that's just the way I feel. :moustache:

Chapter 1 - Equestria (Quest Side Story)

It was a fascinating world Ken Lawrence lived in, Twilight and Spike agreed, as they and their new human friend watched the impressive fireworks display out over the coastal city bay. The 4th of July was a completely new holiday to the two native Equestrians, with customs and traditions steeped in a fascinating 239-year history. Clearly, Twilight would have to step up her studies of cultures in other dimensions---particularly on the history of America, and its many holidays and traditions.

Ken’s world being another human one similar to Sunset Shimmer’s world around Canterlot High School, Twilight Sparkle was in young woman form, with Spike again as a dog---only this time, they didn’t retain their native color schemes. At first, Twilight was fascinated that instead of lavender, the new hairless skin of her bi-pedal body was a light shade of something between pink and orange, like a peach. Her head-hair remained a shiny royal purple with its familiar streaks of blue and pink, but her horn, hooves and tail, like in the other form, had disappeared. A USA T-shirt, red shorts and white tennis shoes, lightly draped her lean curvy form.

Spike’s new dog species was completely unknown to both of them, but having a white coat of matted fur with patches of tan, brown and black, still made for an itchy flea-fest. Again, panting aloud with tongue lolling and scratching behind his ears with a hind-leg came naturally, but again his speech had to be kept secret, for same as the other world, animal dogs were not supposed to talk out loud in this one, either.

With the fireworks concluded, and the smells of gunpowder, barbecue and bug-repellent lingering in the air, the throng of spectators began packing up their picnic blankets, coolers, folding chairs and so on, and filing back to their cars, trucks, SUV’s, motorcycles and other personal modes of transportation. Uniformed police officers stood outside their parked squad cars, rolling lights flashing, directing traffic as halting it periodically to let pedestrians cross---the usual post-4th of July hubbub.

Ken, Twilight and Spike followed the retreating crowd up the hill, crossed the filled-to-capacity parking lot, and pressed farther on to the off-street where Ken’s SUV was parked. One tweek of the horn and flash of headlights by remote, and the SUV security system was disarmed. Another press of the remote, and the door locks clicked open. Twilight rolled her eyes, smiled, and shook her head. “Science for magic; I may never get used to that…” she told herself.

Soon the trio were stuck in traffic, on the way back to Ken’s home in the East Heights district of town. To shut out the din of car horns and squealing tires as some impatient motorists diverted to off-streets to find another way home, Ken, Twilight & Spike listened to patriotic songs on the dashboard radio, even singing along. When the radio went to commercials, Ken switched it off. But Twilight & Spike’s minds were anything but switched off. To take up the silence, they hummed the most recent patriotic tune they had just listened to. Then, as traffic crept even slower despite the signal-light changes, they started experimenting…making up new lyrics…Equestrian lyrics, to the tune. Eager to start writing down these new lyrics, Twilight started looking around the cab of the SUV for something to write with. Ken reached over & opened the passenger-side glove compartment, where he kept a handy notepad & pen---never knowing when it might be needed. It certainly was now. With thanks and a grateful hand-pat, Twilight started scribbling like crazy, as she, Spike and Ken continued adding lyrics as they came to mind. By the time she had finished, they looked over the pages, and gave it a trial run. I was now, of course, a parody of a popular Broadway musical number, with a newly adapted title:

EQUESTRIA (Quest Side Story)*

I like it here in Equestria!

Nice ponies here in Equestria!

Galloping free in Equestria!

All liberty in Equestria...!!!

Horse has a cart in Equestria!

All play a part in Equestria!

Crystalline Heart in Equestria!

I'll make my start in Equestria...!!!

I'll have a shop in Equestria!

Sell soda-pop in Equestria!

Climb to the top in Equestria!

No way to stop in Equestria...!!!

I'll stake my claim in Equestria!

Make a new name in Equestria!

Rise to my fame in Equestria!

No one to blame but Equestria...!!!

Things I will buy in Equestria!

Buy apple pies in Equestria!

Fancy neckties in Equestria!

Clear, sunny skies in Equestria....!!!

What will I do in Equestria?

Maybe make brew in Equestria!

Sell some to you in Equestria!

What can't I do in Equestria...!!!

I'll run.... I'll trot...

To get to Canterlot...

Just...watch...me....FLY!!!!!

All three of them shared a BIG BELLY LAUGH as they concluded the new song!

Soon traffic had cleared, and the SUV soon crossed the bayou bridge, nearing the small row of restaurants and stores that surrounded the little Crown & Pony Bar & Motel, where Twilight & Spike were staying for the weekend. Ken’s home was only a block or so away, but this was their last vacation night before the return to Equestria tomorrow morning. (The portal was through the ‘ladies bathroom’ door in the motel lobby, in the far wall below the back window.) Being the gentleman he was, Ken escorted the pair back to their suite door on the upstairs balcony, to ensure their safety.

“Thanks for everything, Ken. We had a great time.” said Twilight, giving her host a warm hug & kiss good night. Spike managed a thankful bark, just in case someone might be watching.

“You sure I can’t meet you for one last breakfast before you go? I know this great café’ up the street.” Ken offered.

“No, thanks…it’s really great here, but we really can’t overstay. I promised my friends back home we’d be back right on time…”
She leaned in closely and whispered: “Royal duties and all, you know…”

Ken just nodded politely. “Of course, I understand. I got a job waiting for me, too. Early shift tomorrow.”
But then he put a warm gentle hand on her shoulder and said: “But I’m sure ‘gonna miss you, darling.”

Twilight smiled. That deserved another warm hug & kiss, longer and deeper this time. “Goodbye, Ken. I’ll miss you, too.”
She squeezed her eyes shut as a tear ran down her cheek.

With that, the trio parted company, to each return to their respective inner sanctums, to wash up, have peaceful dreams, and prepare for business-as-usual the next day. As Ken drove off, Twilight & Spike watched from the balcony banister, as the SUV melted back into the stream of traffic.

(*Sigh*) Yeah…I’ll miss him, too.” Spike whispered, low enough for only Twilight to hear.

Fetching out her room-key from a hip pocket, Twilight unlocked and opened the suite door. “Come on, Spike. The Portal Express
leaves for Equestria tomorrow morning right after breakfast and check-out. Let’s get packing.”

Spike followed her in, as the door swung shut.

It had been a long, fascinating 3-day weekend, with many lessons learned about this world, this country, patriotism, history,
customs… and of course, music. Enough to fill an entire volume back at her home library at the Castle of Friendship.

After showers, toiletries, bathrobe & slippers, brushing of hair & teeth, and bedding down for the night, the two still had snare drums beating, flags waving, anthems crooning, and fireworks flashing in their heads, as they drifted off to sleep.

CONTINUES NEXT CHAPTER…

Author's Note

* - Derived from "America" from West Side Story.
(Also a great 60's solo by Tex-Mex artist Trini Lopez.)

(And, well... I knew it would fall flat. The first ones usually do.) :facehoof: