Button Mash belched a deep, drawn-out moan as the safety-release clamps on his ribs detached with a puff of putrid steam, and his pustulent saddle bags dropped onto the bed of his new dorm. He let his gaze wander over the creamy-peanut-butter-coated walls, covered with flags supporting the school’s horseball team as well as posters of famous cock bands. Button honestly couldn’t care less about sports and chickens, though.
Rotating his head on its vertical axis, which was perpendicular to the two horizontal axes, the cartoon horse looked over to his half of the dorm, the walls more barren than his older sister who’d found out recently that she can’t conceive. The sheets on his bed, crisp with dried semen, were bundled atop his pillows(of eternity), waiting for him to deal with them. Either his Equestrian, cock-lover of a dorm mate was very thoughtful, breaking them in, or his own were in the wash and he needed something more substantial than a sock.
Turning to the few bags he’d brought, Button debated on unpacking them or just leaving them incase he wanted to walk out and head straight back home to mommy. His mother would surely be happy for him to come home to give her some sugar, and she’d always figured he’d end up a bum like his late father, but he didn’t want to live in that backwards, hick town forever. He’d finally gotten his ticket out by joining a new private school, this one sitting in upper Canterlope by the palace. Honestly, he didn’t care to be in any form of private school, or really any school in general, but he didn’t have a whole lot of options.
He wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do with his life anyway, so staying in school was effectively a safety net at this point. It would give him time to think things through, or more likely, procrastinate. Either way, he needed a diploma if he was to do anything, though he’d likely just end up working at Horse-mart(called “Horseyworld” by unironic hipsters) anyway. Then again, he was still young. He could do anything! He could be a football player, or an astronaut. He could even be a king! Or a football-playing king in space.
A globule of saliva, thick with mucus from the back of his throat, expunged itself from his tongue, slipping between the gaps of his poorly-kept horse teeth before rolling down his chin and alerting him that he’d been daydreaming again. Realizing that he’d tarried too long, the young stallion unzipped his bags and began moving his langere into the dresser. He had to make space as the drawers were filled with old, crusty socks, but he was able to push those aside to make enough space. He was even able to fit his dildo collection in the uppermost drawer.
With that done, he set the case with all his consoles to the side, hoping his roommate owned a moving picture box or that the school even allowed them. Opening his saddle bags, Button set aside all of his school supplies and grabbed the Gametetrahedron that was buried underneath the mess.
Button exhaled a content sigh as he flopped onto the bed like a humongous fish and switched the small, five-sided device on. Like wet silly putty, his facial features oozed from his skull, before reforming into a satisfied smile as the screen flickered to life, a rainbow of colors flashing across its surface. Horses are color blind, though, so he couldn’t really tell. As it started, he shifted and contorted his body to get comfortable, folding himself into a facsimile of a large pretzel.
This position severely cut off blood flow to his head, so he was nearly deaf to the sound of his dorm door opening and closing. Dropping the device from his horse hands, he bent his spine enough that he could look over and see a dull blue dirt pony with a silver mane walk in. The colt wore a jersey for the school’s horseball team, no doubt one of the players himself. He cast a look at Button before shaking his head and sitting down on the bed across from him.
"So you’re one of those colts, aren't you?" he asked, adding a suggestive wink, no doubt noticing the dropped pair of frilly panties on the floor next to the dresser. "Anyway, I have no idea how a pony like you entered this school, but this is a private(hue) school for the wealthy, so you gotta pay."
Button sighed as he switched off the game and set it next to him. He laid there for a few seconds before throwing his back legs over the edge and sitting.upright. His lip quivered a bit as he reached over and pulled the spaghetti strap of his tank top down over one shoulder.
The colt on the other bed crossed his legs and sat up, fully interested as Button slowly pulled down his tank top, revealing his adolescent abs and nipples. His nips were each clad in a strand of clear tape.
He appreciated the site as the colt’s eyes widened. "What’s going on with your nips, bud?" Button only rolled his eyes as he laid back down on his bed, grabbing the Gametetrahedron once again.
"My mom makes me tape my nips, ‘cuz my nips get bloody when the skin rips, ‘cuz I wear a tight shirt that chafes my nips. Nobody likes bloody nips," said Button as he switched on the device.
Out of the corner of his eye, Button could see the colt's expression turn into one of confusion. "Why don’t you wear a bigger shirt, or an undershirt, or any kind of shirt that doesn’t touch your nips?" The colt wondered. "Maybe just get a shirt with a hole in it."
Button rolled back over, looking into his roommate’s eyes as he spoke. “Tape my nips, my bloody nips. My mom tapes my bloody nips. Blop blop blop blop blop blop bloody nips, nobody likes my bloody nips. With a scratchy shirt and my nipples in the zone, please just leave my nips alone.”
“That’s pretty gross, man,” said the other pony who didn’t care for bloody nips one bit.
The solid crack of hard plastic against skull sounded throughout the small dorm, leaving the colt on the floor grabbing his head as Button got up off the bed, stomping on his broken Gametetrehedral as he lifted the earth pony by his neck and slammed him on the bed. The colt shook as Button growled down at him.
"No one makes fun of my nips," shouted Button. He huffed before letting go of the colt and walking back to his bed. He put all his supplies back into his bag and attached it to the magnetic clamps in his chest before heading towards the door. He might as well check out the campus while he searched for a store to get a new Gametetrahedron.
--
The bell was just about to ring as Button walked into his first class of the day. His lungs crumpled, and he released a small groan as he spotted his dorm mate sitting with a bunch of other horses, a sizable bump sticking out of his mane. Or wait, that was a horn. He was a unicorn all along!
He gulped as the colt’s body rotated counterclockwise until it was facing directly towards him. With unbelievable agility, the colt rolled from his chair, the centrifugal hooks along his spine allowing him to easily cross the distance of the classroom, pushing chairs and tables out of the way with ease. Button could feel the sweat beginning to pour down his face as his pores opened, each releasing a small waterspout of emergency coolant for his body as he got closer.
"Hi, you must be the new kid." Button blinked as he looked to see the path between him and the colts blocked by a grinning unicorn mare. Her white coat reminded him of one of his friends when he used to attend grade school in Ponyville. She wasn’t born white, but she was kind of a whore, if you catch my drift wood. Instead of a cotton candy mane, the mare before him had a soft pink mane that flowed down to her shoulders and was neatly pushed to one side of her face.
Button Mash was about to shake the offered horse hand, when suddenly the mare in front of him was obliterated. His rolling roommate rammed into her at full speed, and her tender, tortilla-like flesh was hardly a match. Within the blink of an eye her husk had been torn and shredded with concussive force, sending hunks of meat flying in all directions. A geyser of vital goo spewed from her every orifice, as well as the new orifices that were created as every tissue of her corpse was eviscerated, and it squirted in great spurts and globs, coating nearly everything within a ten-foot radius in viscous, crimson liquid. Her bones crumbled, splintering and fracturing and being ejected from their fleshy tombs, marrow and fragments being tossed around the room like rice at a bar mitzvah. Her internal organs were ground together by the force, melding into a soupy mass before ejecting through the frothing chasm where her neck had previously been and spilling like vomit across the linoleum floor. Her head, for it’s part, stayed mostly intact as it neatly disconnected, rocketing through the air, smile still stenciled on its cadavre face like a creepy doll. Her intestines, bloated with cheese-smelling gas and feces erupted straight through her desecrated uterus like a bola, flying across the room and constricting around the neck of an unfortunate pony at the front of the classroom, crushing his windpipe and leaving him gasping for air on the stained floor. Every one of her legs was cast aside by the impact, flying to each corner of the room where they crashed haphazardly on walls and desks.
Within a moment’s time, it was all over, and as the dust settled, Button was finally able to fully appreciate the carnage. The room was fully decorated in all manner of bodily fluids, and the churned remains of her innards were spread fairly across most of the space.
Being in the “splash zone”, Button had gotten the worst of it, now wearing a coat of mare juice. He sighed as he often does, realizing that nothing would go right today as he made his way to his seat at the front of class.
There was a girl horse sitting next to him, looking unperturbed by the thick strand of skin that hung limp from her snout and the goop marching through her mane like an army of giant, radioactive rubber pants.
Sighing, he leaned back in his seat and stared up at the wood ceiling. His mind raced from ways he could get out of the class without running into his dorm mate to where he could find a good video gametetrahedral shop in upper Canterlope. He turned his head to the mare sitting next to him, noticing that she had a name tag reading “Hi, my name is Sweet Melody”.
"How old are you, Sweet cheeks?" asked Button, flinching a little as he realized he called her the nickname of one of his old friends. Sweet looked up, confused, before giggling.
“Eight months. You?"
"Seventeen in three months. A little closer to having to get away from my mom." said Button awkwardly, managing to bring his redneck mom into a conversation with a girl he’d just met. Even then, he smiled to himself, realizing that since he wasn’t eighteen yet she was fair game.
Sweet nodded before eyeing his piece. However, her eyes were drawn to his cutie mark. "You play video gametetrahedrons?"
Button nodded. "Yup. I would be right now, but I broke my Gametetrahedron this morning."
"Oh? How did you do that?" Button froze before he looked back at the huge, muscular man a few tiers above them.
"I threw it at WWE Champion The Rock." said Button before huffing and turning forward again. Sweet blinked at him before looking back at the human, eyeing the welt on his head.
"You threw it at him? What did he do?" asked Sweet, scooting just a little closer. Button thought about telling her, but he didn't want to place his trust in a stupid bitch like her.
"I ain't a redneck woman n'tnooor," muttered Button before setting his head down on the table. Sweet was about to question him further when the Sweetie Bell rang, telling her that her talking limit had reached its maximum and she’d have to shut up for the rest of class. She was a bit disappointed because she was about to go into how video gametetrahedrons are misogynistic, but that’d have to wait ‘til the end of class.
As the bell screeched its final screech, a brown stallion entered the room, his mane a jet black. “Welcome to Advanced Algebra 2222222222, I am your teacher, Professor Slide Rule,” said the stallion as he took his place in front of the giant chalkboard before turning to see the humongous mess in the class room.
“Oh come on, couldn’t you hold it in?” he asked, incredulous. Nearby, a mare looked downtrodden, realizing she’d messed up, having accidentally urinated all over the floor in nervousness. No doubt all the other horses would call her “pee pants” until the end of her high school career.
The teacher sighed, being someone after Button’s own heart(that fucker sighs like every two seconds. Like, shut up. We get it, you’re an edgy teenager but could you fucking hold it in like the rest of us you piece of shit?) “Go to the janitor’s office closet and have him swab your poopdeck, okay?” She nodded, leaving a path of yellow droplets as she limped her way to the door.
“And the fuck’s going on here?” He cried, noticing the gorey mess that encompassed most of the room. “I swear, I’m working with amateurs here. Not even five minutes into class. Fuck this, I’m out.”
“Well, I guess class is over,” remarked Button as their teacher stormed screaming down the hallway. He quickly tied the straps of his bags around the flesh arches that protruded from his spine and made his way towards the exit opposite his roommate, who was apparently named Braunze. Sweet soon trotted up next to him, clearly wanting the D.
"So, where are you heading next?" she asked sweetly, already stalking him on his first day. Button scratched his head with a horse hand before shrugging.
"Not sure. This school doesn't have back to back classes like I’m used to....so I am a bit confused on what to do in between classes. I might just go and buy me a new Gametetrahedron, or maybe the new Gamedodecahedron since I have nothing else to do. You?"
"Well, video games are misogy-" Sweet was cut off as screams were heard behind them. Looking back, they found Braunze and his group trying to force themselves through the crowded door, carnage following in Braunze’s wake as he literally destroyed his fellow classmates. Secretly, he had super powers, which is how he got on the horseball team, but it’s a secret so don’t tell anyone.
"Shit, that guy is a redneck woman
