Nakazaniye

It was dark; everything around me had turned into an impenetrable shade of pitch black. Stenches of rotten eggs and spoiled milk welcomed me as soon as I woke up. My head felt numb and heavy, and my stomach let me know I'd already gotten dangerously close to throwing up. It didn't take me very long to realize I was lying on my back, supported by some sort of slimy ground beneath me. There would probably be walls or a ceiling around me somewhere, but I couldn't tell. It was impossible to see a thing in here. Wherever that was.

I sighed in frustration, knowing that it wouldn't do any good, either. If I wanted to get anywhere, and I sure did want to get somewhere, out of here that was, I first needed to get some solid ground back under my hooves. So that's what I tried for. With limited success, I might add.

There was a reason even for that, just like there is a reason to everything. Maybe. As soon as I rolled over to my side just a little, the left half of my barrel cried out in pain more than I'd ever thought possible. I won't lie; it felt like someone had poked a rusty nail in there or something. With a surprised yelp, I dropped back onto my back without any further resistance. It took me a few more seconds to roll up on my other side. When feeling for the damaged spot in question, I noticed parts of my rib cage give in below my hoof's push. That really couldn't be good.

I probably needed professional medical help. Which was sort of a problem, for obvious reasons.

There wasn't any point even thinking in that direction. Going back to the hospital was out of the question, and I probably wouldn't even know how to get there in the first place. First, I needed to find out where in Equestria I ended up. Reaching up with my muzzle for something to get a hold on, I violently hit some sort of metallic ceiling. The low thud produced upon impact matched my subsequent euphoria just about right.

Although my damaged ribs kept protesting vehemently, I raised myself to my hindlegs, then used both front hooves to push against whatever this thing above my head was. To my surprise, it gave in a lot more easily than expected. Of all things, I hadn't expected it to be nothing but a particularly large lid. It swung up without producing much resistance, once given a good push. At least it revealed where I ended up. It also sent some bright sunlight flowing in, forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut. Again. It always had to be the same mistakes, didn't it?

Long story short, I'd apparently spent the night in some backyard waste container. Night, or whatever time of the day it was. And the slimy ground beneath my hooves had its reasons for its sort of texture, too. In a way, I felt relieved to see no other pony around the place. This really wouldn't have made a good impression on anyone. I'd already gotten myself into the craziest of situations after a good drink or two, and I also believed that to be the reason for my latest blackout. But I had positively no idea how I ended up here.

With some difficulty, I climbed out of this wastebasket...thing, then dropped down onto the cobblestone ground below. It was a backyard, no doubt. Being inside an enclosed space bordered by four walls sort of gave that away. There also was a passage built into one of the walls, which presumably led to the next best street in that direction. That was a good thing, then. For a moment or so, I cheered up a bit, and figured my situation really could be worse.

I realized my hopes to be somewhat mislead pretty soon, however. My situation was, in fact, worse. When I turned around to face the rest of wherever I ended up, I found my saddlebags spread on the ground before me. And it wasn't only that; as opposed to their earlier state, both of them were horribly torn and tattered. Poking my hoof at them once or twice also revealed both of them to be empty. Whatever I used to carry around in them was long gone.

I looked round, hoping to find at least some of my belongings scattered around the place. But all I could spot, both inside and outside this giant wastebasket, was the casual, smelly junk that probably belonged here in the first place. An annoyed groan left my throat, as I reached up with both hooves to vigorously massage my temples. Surely, this would have some consequences. Which ones, I couldn't tell, though I was pretty sure there would be some. It can get a bit hard to focus with a throbbing skull like this.

I felt like every single fiber of my body was completely overwhelmed with the mere task of existing, no seconds attached. Inhaling and exhaling kept me busy as my main priorities for a while. Being this focused on functioning on the most basic of levels, for a while I didn't even realize just how screwed up everything was. I guess the thought just didn't occur to me. Not until a while later, when I opened my eyes again, and took another peek at my ruined bags. But when I did, the revelation hit me all at once, so to speak.

I slumped down on my haunches, duly noticing just how bad my situation had turned out. Sure, I've had my ups and downs in these past years...but this? Nothing even compared to this. I was broke, I was homeless, I didn't see any way out, and my coat was drenched in some other ponies' rotten waste. At least a few days back, I always had an ace up my sleeve when thinking I could always try and go back to my parents, if there ever shouldn't be any other way. But even acknowledging my own mistakes like that wouldn't work, not anymore.

And that was just the problem. I had no place to go. Which hotel would take me in like this? Probably none, but that also resulted from me being unable to pay them any rent. And where would I get the necessary funds for paying them? Attending any sort of job interview was absolutely pointless in my current state. But I couldn't get cleaned up, unless I'd be able to get into some sort of hotel. And which hotel would take me in like this? Classic Catch-22.

There was always a way out, sure. But when only one way out remained, that approach wasn't always profitable. And the longer I tried finding one, the more obvious it became that I wouldn't be able to. I could jump off a rooftop, sure. But given my luck, I'd probably even screw that up and end up in a wheelchair. I couldn't even afford a wheelchair! And the ponies back at the hospital wouldn't exactly be glad to conduct any surgeries on me, either. They probably wouldn't even take me in. Or maybe they would, but I couldn't possibly escape them again. Not this easily, anyway.

What, then? Pony anatomy has it that any mare, however broke she may be, always does have something left to sell. But despite everything I'd been through, offering my backside in exchange for a few coins still felt wrong. I don't know why. It's not like getting drunk and hammered in some greasy bathroom stall has any more dignity to offer. Still, who would possibly want to fuck a girl that smells like trash? And for a good reason, she does. I couldn't think of anypony. Except maybe those who get themselves turned on by that sort of kinkiness. Or the really desperate ones. Whatever. Neither one sounded very appealing, anyway.

Only one thing became obvious after a pretty short while. I couldn't think of a solution now, and I wouldn't find it anytime soon. So far, so bad. Whatever train of thought I tried to follow, it always just brought me back to where I started. Still hungover, my mind nevertheless started clearing up a good deal, and gave way to the revelation that I couldn't run from any longer: That this was it. There was no way out, not anymore. This would become the end to my own personal story. Game over, no extra lives left. Please enter your initials and move on.

And if there's nowhere to move on to, well, you might as well shut the hell up and die. Took me long enough, anyway.

With all that deeply intellectual garbage in my head, I didn't even realize I had fallen over. Well, not until now, anyway. But I had. I literally lost my balance and landed on my face. How a pony doesn't notice that sort of thing was beyond me, but obviously it was possible. My head was resting in the mess that had once been my saddlebags, with my rump somewhat raised up at the rear, legs awkwardly twisted and tangled beneath it. My body's position reflected on the overall situation almost ironically, in a way.

I probably should have cared about that. Falling over, and all. Especially when considering how stupid I must have looked like. But I didn't mind it all that much, for whatever reason. Instead, I only kept staring ahead, blinking, breathing. It was all that I was good for, anyway. Or what? Wasn't it, really?

I don't know. I think it was somewhere around that time that I started sobbing around like a filly who lost her mom in a crowd, or something. Now, a few sobs usually didn't matter to me that much, even if it still felt pretty pathetic. But once those broke lose into a fully-grown stream running down my cheeks, there was no way I could ever hold it back. And I didn't care. If it just all ended, right there and then, with me rotting away while lamenting myself and drowning in self-pity, then so be it. In some way, my life probably led up to this point, anyway.

How long I continued to sit around like that, I can't remember. Of course, I didn't have anything with me to check the time, so I never actually knew in the first place. It might have been two minutes, but it might well have been four or five hours, or something. I only recall that I stopped myself from going on like this after some time, realizing it wouldn't get me anywhere, really. Wailing around like a factory siren at the end of a shift might just have been what I wanted, but it certainly wasn't what I deserved. Or something. Could I even judge myself, anymore? Could I do that at all?

I don't know. I really don't. At some point, and I'm pretty sure the sun was already setting at the time, I got back up on my hooves and galloped off. Where that would be, I had no idea. But I needed to go somewhere, didn't I? It was getting cold, too. So I guess the setting sun and all that really did account for the situation...whatever.

I dashed through the underpass within a few seconds, and ended up on some main street's sidewalk. It wasn't as crowded as usual, as far as I remembered. I hadn't seen a crowded Fillydephia street in a while, though. I didn't see a whole lot of the city in general while stuck in that backyard. However long that must have taken. Could be days. I had positively no idea.

Fillydelphia was a maze of streets, and roads, and whatnot. Most of them also applied to the whole rectangular grid thing, but even that wouldn't help me getting around. In the end, I just kept on wandering through the city being completely lost and without any specific destination. Of course, I had no idea where I started, either. So getting lost probably wasn't that much of a surprise.

I kept going, though. It was sort of hard to give up, seeing as I had pretty much done so already. At some point during my walk, the sun disappeared completely, and I had only the dark night sky to accompany me from there on out. There wasn't any rain, but a pretty harsh wind that kept on blowing for hours at a time. It felt like the cold was killing me, really. Even my coat didn't do a whole lot of prevention against the breeze. But then again, I didn't care. I might have gone looking for shelter like...wherever, but I didn't really feel like doing that.

Funny enough, I accidentally passed by the train station at some point. The same one that I first arrived in, that was. It was easily two or three in the morning by now, and even a central place like this lay mostly abandoned. But the lights inside weren't turned off, and even all these flashy, colorful neon ads were still glowing. Which was interesting. The central station wasn't necessarily lit up like that in just any city. Most of them, yes. But not all.

For a moment upon seeing the terminal, I hesitated. Not for very long, but still I did. Only after a few seconds did I turn around to face it, and started walking towards the entrance. It wasn't locked, either. That surprised me at first, but it really shouldn't have. It was a public place, after all.

Once I had entered the main hall, I took a moment to rest, falling back onto my haunches for the second time that day. And for reasons I couldn't possibly explain, I suddenly felt a lot better than I had done over in that backyard or on my way here. I even got a little something like a smile onto my muzzle. A short-lived one, sure. It wasn't very strong or convincing, either. But it was better than my earlier desperation, I think.

I don't know. It all just felt right, being back here again, and such. Getting that comfy feeling of being at home filled me with warmth from somewhere inside. Even my damaged ribs couldn't make up against that. And while feeling at home in an empty train station might sound sad in the ears of some ponies, I could only cherish the moment. I really did. Then, for no particular reason whatsoever, I decided I'd get on the next train that left Filly. It didn't matter where it would take me; I'd see about that soon enough.