A Dream With Sharp Teeth: The New Nightmareby Henry HatsworthChaptersA Grim DiscoveryAn old enemyThe ReturnPower"Oh crikey, it's the rozzers!"A Grim DiscoveryAnd just like that, she was gone. When Richard awoke, it was 7 in the morning. He slowly opened his eyes, but closed them again upon realising that he was hungover. He'd been at a massive party last night to celebrate him and Joe taking over from Celestia as rulers of Equestria, at this party he got absolutely shit faced and did some things that just a day before he'd asked his fellow humans not to think less of him for doing. Turns out that Fluttershy wasn't the only pony who wanted something from him, but he'd gotten used to such tasks. Richard reflected on these memories while nursing his hangover, and finally got out of bed by 10. As he wandered the streets of Ponyville, which was where he and Joe now ran Equestria from, he noticed Joe running towards him. "Hey, Joe! What's the hurry? Just realised you left your wallet down at the party or summat?" He said, still in his laid back party mindset. "Dude, you're gonna want to see this." Joe told him, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him along. "Oh god, I didn't get somepony preggers, did I?" Richard asked, groaning. "No, but you're gonna want to see this all the same." Joe replied as the entered Sweet Apple Acres. Here, Joe and Richard both found something horrifying. Before them lay the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Dead. Bruises and cuts all over their bodies. Richard vomited, having only seen this for the first time. "Oh god." He said, almost unable to speak."Who did this?" "I don't know." Joe replied."This reeks of Sweet Apple Massacre. but Big Mac's dead. And I'm sure Fluttershy's not THAT crazy. Also, look at this," He said as he went to investigate the bodies."Horn marks AND feathers, ring any bells?" "Again, oh god." Richard said as he realised what might be going on."Right, we're going to do what any new politicians would do in this situation: Cover it up and secretly investigate on our own. "Gotcha." Joe said."Where do we put the bodies?" "Just stick them in those barrels.." Richard told him,"No-one comes here anymore, so they won't find them. Meet me back at my place once you've done that and we'll figure out our next step from there." He said as he began to walk towards the gates. "Wait a minute, I've just remembered something. Didn't you plan a press conference to happen here today?" Joe asked him once he'd finished hiding the corpses. "SHIT! shit shit shit fuck crap piss bugger bugger shit willy!" Richard shouted as he ran towards Joe and picked up one of the barrels. "Alright, keep your hair on!" Joe shouted after him. "Just shut up and bring those barrels down here!" Richard replied as he found the way to the basement. "Sure thing mate." Joe said as he moved the barrels."He he, we are for it now." An old enemyEventually, the ponies gathered at Sweet Apple Acres for the press conference. Richard had decided to hold it in the barn as to remove any chance of somepony stumbling across the three dead fillies in the basement. He took his place at the microphone and began to speak. "Fillies and Gentlecolts. I adress you today as the new ruler of Equestria!" He said as the ponies cheered for him. "I promise you that I will not rule you as Celestia had, and will work my hardest to ensure peace, love and a complete lack of molesta-erm, I mean crime. Yeah, crime, that's what I meant." He said nervously."Anyway........."He said before turning to Joe, who stood at his side."Shit, I'veforgotten what I was gonna say!" he whispered anxiously. "Don't look at me. I'm no good at public speaking!" Joe replied, also whispering. "uuuuuh. Ridiculously bright torch!" Richard shouted, flashing a very bright torch which he happened to have with him at the time at everypony in the audience. When they could all see again, he and Joe were gone. Murmurs started going through the crowd as one pony, none other than Twilight Sparkle, left to try and find Richard. Richard slowly wandered through the streets of Ponyville. He'd been out drinking again, but Joe had gone home early owing to a cold. Richard reflected on how uninteresting tonight was in comparison to his crazy antics the night before. when he heard a voice coming from Joe's house. "Oh god! No, not the butt! Aaaah! That's incredibly painful!" Richard recognised the voice as Joe's and burst in through the door. When he did, he witnessed a sight that shocked him. Celestia. Richard discovevered Princess Celestia with her horn shoved far up Joe's anus, pulling it in and out repeatedly. She stopped this action upon noticing Richard, and turned to face him. "If it isn't the pony killer himself. Tell me, Richard, how does it feel knowing that your hands are tainted with the blood of innocent ponies!" "Innocent? You lot all tried to kill us! And what are you even doing here?" Richard asked in both shock and anger. "When you banished me, I began to change. Change into something more powerful than I was." Celestia explained."It was similar to how Luna changed into Nightmare Moon. My wings were healed, my horn grew back. and I became the alicorn that stands before you, Princess Molestia!" She said, spreading her wings in a dramatic fashion. "Oh no, oh god no." Richard said in fear. "Oh yes, and my revenge against you and your kind has already started! Take a look at your friend. Take a long look." She said as she stood aside to reveal Joe, who was near death due to the injuries inflicted during his molestation. He turned his head towards Richards, and said just two words. "Avenge me." And then he was gone. Engulfed by rage, Richard turned around and threw a punch at Molestia, but she was too quick. She dodged and then sent him flying with just one hoof. "I will be back for you." she began as she walked backwards into a portal she'd created."And then, you will know fear!" Richard tried to catch her, but he was too slow. He began shouting and swearing and smashing up the entire room, drawing attention from a patrol of guard ponies. "What's going on in here?" asked one of them as he entered the room. "It was Celestia! She did this and I'm going to kill her for it!" Richard shouted back. "I see, right then. I don't want to do this, but I'm detaining you on mental healh grounds. Lads, cuff him." He said as other ponies ran in and handcuffed Richard. "What? You can't do this!" He declared as they led him away. "I'm afraid I can. Your rights as a civi-"he began before Richard interrupted. "I KNOW MY CIVIL RIGHTS I'M A MEMBER OF FUCKING AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL!!" he screamed as they threw him on the back of a cart and led him away. Meanwhile, Twilight had been watching the whole scene unfold. "Oh, Richard. What are you doing?" The Return"Why can't I see him? He saved my life!" Twilight was standing in one of the rooms of the previously disused castle in Canterlot. It was left to waste away after Celestia was banished, but now it's dungeons were being used to detain Richard. "Ma'am, the human in there is insane. We cannot let anypony near him for safety reasons." Said the pony who guarded the entrance to the dungeons. "Please?" Twilight asked. She had been arguing with this pony for a good 10 minutes, and now had nothing to go on but pleading. "Alright, you can go in." Sighed the guard."But only 2 minutes. No more. You're lucky you've even got that much." He said as he opened the door for her. Somewhat nervously, Twilight entered ans slowly approached the cell where Richard was being kept. However, when she got there, she discovered something shocking. He wasn't there. She looked all around to try and find him before noticing that the bars on the window were broken. near them were blood stains. "Oh no, this can't be good." Twilight said worriedly. Meanwhile, Richard was making his way through the Everfree Forest. He had stopped at his house after making his escape to pick up his ipod and the katana that he'd fought Celestia with. He new he'd have to put it to use once again, but he nedded help. Help that he couldn't get from a pony. He continued walking until he came across a small hut. This was the place. He knocked on the door a few times, and waited as the Zebra inside the hut came to answer him. "Wait, what is this trickery? A human standing before me?" She said in surprise at seeing Richard in front of her. "Yes. A human. Listen, Zecora, I need your help with something." Richard said as she stood aside for him to enter."My friend was recently murdered by Princess Celestia. I desire vengeance, but I fear that I'm not strong enough. Have you got something in there that can help me?" "If revenge is what you desire, then I believe I can start your fire." Zecora said as she walked Richard over to a mask sitting on a nearby shelf."This mask was sealed some years ago. It's power was too great to show. But now it seems that once again, it shall be worn by mortal men." Richard took the mask off the shelf and examined it. "Well, this seems interest-" He began before his brain registered what Zecora had said."Again? Waddaya mean agai-" he began again before he felt a sudden intense pain. The mask began to fuse itself to his chest. Richard cried out as his ribs broke through his skin, snapped in two and reformed while looping themselves through the eyeholes of the mask. At this point Richard's own eyes began to glow bright green and he started hovering off the ground slightly. Green fire suddenly began leaping off his katana and a gun appeared around his belt. At this moment, Richard began to stop feeling pain and instead felt power surging through him. "THE POWER OF THE DARK SOULS....I'VE EMBRACED IT." He said as a great pair of wings suddenly sprouted from his back. As this happened he returned to the ground. He walked out of the hut and slashed at the air, creating a dark portal. Now his eyes returned to normal. "So, this will take me to her?" He asked Zecora. "Go ahead, take a peek. You will find what you seek." She replied. Richard took a deep breath and leaped through the portal, disappearing from sight. Zecora, satisfied at her part in all this, went back inside. At this point, Twilight arrived. She waited in some nearby bushes and debated wether or not to go in the portal. "He's going to get himself killed! I've got to help him! But what if I die? No, I've got to save him as he saved me!" And with that, she ran towards the portal and went through just as it closed. Meanwhile, Richard had just come out other end of the portal. He landed on the floor, sword stabbed into the ground. Slowly, he took it out and slowly stood up to get a look at where he was, and he was taken aback by what he saw. "My god." He said in shock. He was in his old flat in London. PowerThe flat was exactly how Richard had left it. Half eaten pizza on the table, Jeremy Clarkson books placed messily on the shelf, Monty Pythons Meaning of Life playing on the TV, everything was as it was on that fateful night. Richard took a while to remember everything that he had before he gave it away for ponies, but then got back to the task at hand. He had a vendetta, and he was going to carry it out one way or another. He thought for a moment about where the Princess might be, but then he had an idea. Where was the best place to get information, no matter where you were? The local pub. He stood outside the door of his local pub, The Shaftesbury, and prepared for his first drink back on earth. "Well mate, welcome to your own kind." He said to himself as he entered the pub. To his surprise, there weren't that many people inside. To find out why, he went up to the bartender and began his search for information. "Oi mate, gimme two beers and a sausage roll." He said to the bartender "Sure." He replied as he poured the beer."You new around 'ere?" "Sort of, I've been gone for a while." Richard replied."When I left this country was an almighty shithole. How'd things get turned around like this?" "Simple. The eco nuts got their way and managed to somehow change everything back." The bartender told him. "You mean that woman who shoved a pie in Jezza's face was right? Jeez." Richard said, shocked. "I know, here's your food, by the way." The bartender said as he placed a sausage roll in front of Richard. "Thanks." He said as he took a bite out of it."Listen, you wouldn't happen to know anything about....Molestia, would you?" "Molestia? Oh god, I thought you all went away a year ago." The bartender said in sudden frustration. "What?" Richard asked. "Oi lads! It's one of them brony fucktards!" All the men in the room put down their drinks and started walking towards Richard."So, how does it feel being twenty percent gayer?" One of them asked him mockingly. "Easy now, I don't want any trouble." Richard said as he pulled out his katana in self defense "What? You wanna bring arms to me now? You wanna merk me? Well fine then!" Shouted the same man, obviously the leader, as he grabbed his glass and threw it at Richard. It shattered and cut him in a number of places, one of those places being just above his mouth. Richard waited, suddenly stricken with fear, as blood slowly dripped down his face and entered his mouth. As the crimson liquid hit his tongue, he felt a strange sense of euphoria. He smiled menacingly as his ipod began playing We Are Finally Cowboys Golden Brown Mix. "That's......Good." He said as his eyes took on a familiar green glow. Before the man had time to react, he had Richard's katana straight through his stomach. Richard gave him a moment to let this fact sink in before he did a backflip, slicing the man upwards. Richard placed his head in between the two segments and swallowed some of the blood that now flowed copiously from the man. "BLOOOOOOOOD!" He shouted in twisted delight. he then turned towards the others, struck dumb by what they had just seen, and decapitated all of them in one fell swoop. Focusing one one head, he pulled out his gun and shot it during it's last five seconds of consciousness. To his surprise, it fired an energy blast which seemed to suck the very life out of it and then cause it to die in a bloody explosion. In all the chaos it was impossible to say who's blood was who's. Satisfied at a good kill, Richard turned on the bartender. "Right, do you know something, or don't you? Because if you don't then you're of no use to me, and if you're of no use to me then you die!" He shouted as he held the bartender at swordpoint. "Okay, I'll tell you. All I know is that there's been some weird shit going on at The Gherkin, okay? Now please don't kill me!" The bartender told him in fear. "Alright then, but take this to remember me by." Richard said as he whipped the bartender's shirt off and carved an R into his chest. The bartender cried out in pain as Richard's katana cut into his skin. Once Richard had finished this act he threw the bartender to the ground and set off in search of Molestia. "Oh crikey, it's the rozzers!"When Twilight exited the portal, she had no idea where she was. It looked like some sort of alley, but it wasn't like any alley she'd seen in Equestria. She tentatively walked forward and discovered some very strange buildings. They looked nothing like buildings did back home. She happened to notice that one building had bloodstains on the windows. She walked towards the building and slowly opened the door. When she looked inside, she was horrified. Blood everywhere, bodies littering the floor, the entire place wrecked. This was the aftermath of Richard's search for information. Twilight stared in shock, her eyes transfixed on the carnage before her, when she heard the low moaning of the bartender. "Fuckin' ponies. In my pub. This is my worst nightmare." He managed to say through the pool of blood he lay in. "Oh my word!" Twilight shouted as she ran over to him."Are you okay?" "I was, but then I got carved up by some faggot with a katana." The bartender replied. "You mean Richard? He did this to you?" Twilight asked in shock. The bartender's eyes widened in sudden realisation as he heard these words. "Richard, did you say? Oh no, oh god no." He said, tears filling his eyes. "What's wrong?" Twilight asked him. "In all my years. I never thought that my best customer would be the one wot did me in. Listen, I've got his phone number on a piece of paper in that drawer." He said, using some of the last of his strength to point to the draw he was referring to."If you want to find him, use my phone to call that number." "Phone? What are you talking about?" Twilight asked him in confusion. "Oy, I figured we'd have this problem. What you do is you press the numbered buttons in the order that they're in on the paper, then you might be able to speak to Richard." The bartender said to her. "Alright," Twilight said to him as she looked through the drawer."Do you need any help?" "No, don't worry about me." The bartender replied. "Okay then, than you for helping me." Twilight replied as she left the pub. The bartender waited until he was certain that she was gone before making his last move. Slowly, he picked up a second phone, dialed a number and spoke these words. "Hello? I wish to report a murder." Meanwhile, Richard was making his way through the streets of London when he felt something vibrate in his pocket. He reached in and pulled out his mobile, an old Sony Ericsson, and answered the call. "Hello?" He asked the caller. "Richard! Where are you?" Twilight shouted down the phone. "Twilight? What are you doing here?" Richard asked, completely surprised by hearing the voice of a pony on the line. "That's not important right now." Twilight said to him."What is important is you, what are you doing here?" "Basically, Celestia came back, murdered Joe and now I'm out for alicorn blood." Richard told her. "What? That's not possible! You sealed her away for 1000 years!" Twilight exclaimed in shock. "Yeah I don't know how it happened either, blame the-" Richard began before hearing a sound off in the distance."Oh crikey,, it's the rozzers!" "The what?" Twilight asked as the noise became close enough for her to hear it through the phone."Richard, what's that sound?" "That's the sound of the police, ad they're on to me! Listen, just go to number 21 and stay at my place until I get back. And whatever you do, don-" He began before a thudding sound was heard and then the line went dead. Twilight decided that this was something Richard needed to take care of himself, and went back to the flat. Meanwhile, Richard had turned down an alleyway to escape but was still caught, and now had his head being held to the floor by a police officer. "Sir, I am placing you under arrest on suspicion of murder and carrying a deadly weapon." Said one as they bent down to handcuff him. But just as they did this, Richard looked up and saw two eyes staring back at him from the shadows. "MOLESTIA!" He shouted in fear and anger. In the confusion, he was able to break out of the officers' grasp. He ran into the shadows, katana at the ready, but found nothing. When he turned around, however, it was a different story. Molestia stood over the bodies of the two officers whom she had fatally gored with her horn. She stared at Richard, a look of lustful insanity in her eye, before vanishing. Filled with rage, Richard spread his wings out and flew towards The Gherkin. Time to finish this once and for all.
A Grim DiscoveryAnd just like that, she was gone. When Richard awoke, it was 7 in the morning. He slowly opened his eyes, but closed them again upon realising that he was hungover. He'd been at a massive party last night to celebrate him and Joe taking over from Celestia as rulers of Equestria, at this party he got absolutely shit faced and did some things that just a day before he'd asked his fellow humans not to think less of him for doing. Turns out that Fluttershy wasn't the only pony who wanted something from him, but he'd gotten used to such tasks. Richard reflected on these memories while nursing his hangover, and finally got out of bed by 10. As he wandered the streets of Ponyville, which was where he and Joe now ran Equestria from, he noticed Joe running towards him. "Hey, Joe! What's the hurry? Just realised you left your wallet down at the party or summat?" He said, still in his laid back party mindset. "Dude, you're gonna want to see this." Joe told him, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him along. "Oh god, I didn't get somepony preggers, did I?" Richard asked, groaning. "No, but you're gonna want to see this all the same." Joe replied as the entered Sweet Apple Acres. Here, Joe and Richard both found something horrifying. Before them lay the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Dead. Bruises and cuts all over their bodies. Richard vomited, having only seen this for the first time. "Oh god." He said, almost unable to speak."Who did this?" "I don't know." Joe replied."This reeks of Sweet Apple Massacre. but Big Mac's dead. And I'm sure Fluttershy's not THAT crazy. Also, look at this," He said as he went to investigate the bodies."Horn marks AND feathers, ring any bells?" "Again, oh god." Richard said as he realised what might be going on."Right, we're going to do what any new politicians would do in this situation: Cover it up and secretly investigate on our own. "Gotcha." Joe said."Where do we put the bodies?" "Just stick them in those barrels.." Richard told him,"No-one comes here anymore, so they won't find them. Meet me back at my place once you've done that and we'll figure out our next step from there." He said as he began to walk towards the gates. "Wait a minute, I've just remembered something. Didn't you plan a press conference to happen here today?" Joe asked him once he'd finished hiding the corpses. "SHIT! shit shit shit fuck crap piss bugger bugger shit willy!" Richard shouted as he ran towards Joe and picked up one of the barrels. "Alright, keep your hair on!" Joe shouted after him. "Just shut up and bring those barrels down here!" Richard replied as he found the way to the basement. "Sure thing mate." Joe said as he moved the barrels."He he, we are for it now."
An old enemyEventually, the ponies gathered at Sweet Apple Acres for the press conference. Richard had decided to hold it in the barn as to remove any chance of somepony stumbling across the three dead fillies in the basement. He took his place at the microphone and began to speak. "Fillies and Gentlecolts. I adress you today as the new ruler of Equestria!" He said as the ponies cheered for him. "I promise you that I will not rule you as Celestia had, and will work my hardest to ensure peace, love and a complete lack of molesta-erm, I mean crime. Yeah, crime, that's what I meant." He said nervously."Anyway........."He said before turning to Joe, who stood at his side."Shit, I'veforgotten what I was gonna say!" he whispered anxiously. "Don't look at me. I'm no good at public speaking!" Joe replied, also whispering. "uuuuuh. Ridiculously bright torch!" Richard shouted, flashing a very bright torch which he happened to have with him at the time at everypony in the audience. When they could all see again, he and Joe were gone. Murmurs started going through the crowd as one pony, none other than Twilight Sparkle, left to try and find Richard. Richard slowly wandered through the streets of Ponyville. He'd been out drinking again, but Joe had gone home early owing to a cold. Richard reflected on how uninteresting tonight was in comparison to his crazy antics the night before. when he heard a voice coming from Joe's house. "Oh god! No, not the butt! Aaaah! That's incredibly painful!" Richard recognised the voice as Joe's and burst in through the door. When he did, he witnessed a sight that shocked him. Celestia. Richard discovevered Princess Celestia with her horn shoved far up Joe's anus, pulling it in and out repeatedly. She stopped this action upon noticing Richard, and turned to face him. "If it isn't the pony killer himself. Tell me, Richard, how does it feel knowing that your hands are tainted with the blood of innocent ponies!" "Innocent? You lot all tried to kill us! And what are you even doing here?" Richard asked in both shock and anger. "When you banished me, I began to change. Change into something more powerful than I was." Celestia explained."It was similar to how Luna changed into Nightmare Moon. My wings were healed, my horn grew back. and I became the alicorn that stands before you, Princess Molestia!" She said, spreading her wings in a dramatic fashion. "Oh no, oh god no." Richard said in fear. "Oh yes, and my revenge against you and your kind has already started! Take a look at your friend. Take a long look." She said as she stood aside to reveal Joe, who was near death due to the injuries inflicted during his molestation. He turned his head towards Richards, and said just two words. "Avenge me." And then he was gone. Engulfed by rage, Richard turned around and threw a punch at Molestia, but she was too quick. She dodged and then sent him flying with just one hoof. "I will be back for you." she began as she walked backwards into a portal she'd created."And then, you will know fear!" Richard tried to catch her, but he was too slow. He began shouting and swearing and smashing up the entire room, drawing attention from a patrol of guard ponies. "What's going on in here?" asked one of them as he entered the room. "It was Celestia! She did this and I'm going to kill her for it!" Richard shouted back. "I see, right then. I don't want to do this, but I'm detaining you on mental healh grounds. Lads, cuff him." He said as other ponies ran in and handcuffed Richard. "What? You can't do this!" He declared as they led him away. "I'm afraid I can. Your rights as a civi-"he began before Richard interrupted. "I KNOW MY CIVIL RIGHTS I'M A MEMBER OF FUCKING AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL!!" he screamed as they threw him on the back of a cart and led him away. Meanwhile, Twilight had been watching the whole scene unfold. "Oh, Richard. What are you doing?"
The Return"Why can't I see him? He saved my life!" Twilight was standing in one of the rooms of the previously disused castle in Canterlot. It was left to waste away after Celestia was banished, but now it's dungeons were being used to detain Richard. "Ma'am, the human in there is insane. We cannot let anypony near him for safety reasons." Said the pony who guarded the entrance to the dungeons. "Please?" Twilight asked. She had been arguing with this pony for a good 10 minutes, and now had nothing to go on but pleading. "Alright, you can go in." Sighed the guard."But only 2 minutes. No more. You're lucky you've even got that much." He said as he opened the door for her. Somewhat nervously, Twilight entered ans slowly approached the cell where Richard was being kept. However, when she got there, she discovered something shocking. He wasn't there. She looked all around to try and find him before noticing that the bars on the window were broken. near them were blood stains. "Oh no, this can't be good." Twilight said worriedly. Meanwhile, Richard was making his way through the Everfree Forest. He had stopped at his house after making his escape to pick up his ipod and the katana that he'd fought Celestia with. He new he'd have to put it to use once again, but he nedded help. Help that he couldn't get from a pony. He continued walking until he came across a small hut. This was the place. He knocked on the door a few times, and waited as the Zebra inside the hut came to answer him. "Wait, what is this trickery? A human standing before me?" She said in surprise at seeing Richard in front of her. "Yes. A human. Listen, Zecora, I need your help with something." Richard said as she stood aside for him to enter."My friend was recently murdered by Princess Celestia. I desire vengeance, but I fear that I'm not strong enough. Have you got something in there that can help me?" "If revenge is what you desire, then I believe I can start your fire." Zecora said as she walked Richard over to a mask sitting on a nearby shelf."This mask was sealed some years ago. It's power was too great to show. But now it seems that once again, it shall be worn by mortal men." Richard took the mask off the shelf and examined it. "Well, this seems interest-" He began before his brain registered what Zecora had said."Again? Waddaya mean agai-" he began again before he felt a sudden intense pain. The mask began to fuse itself to his chest. Richard cried out as his ribs broke through his skin, snapped in two and reformed while looping themselves through the eyeholes of the mask. At this point Richard's own eyes began to glow bright green and he started hovering off the ground slightly. Green fire suddenly began leaping off his katana and a gun appeared around his belt. At this moment, Richard began to stop feeling pain and instead felt power surging through him. "THE POWER OF THE DARK SOULS....I'VE EMBRACED IT." He said as a great pair of wings suddenly sprouted from his back. As this happened he returned to the ground. He walked out of the hut and slashed at the air, creating a dark portal. Now his eyes returned to normal. "So, this will take me to her?" He asked Zecora. "Go ahead, take a peek. You will find what you seek." She replied. Richard took a deep breath and leaped through the portal, disappearing from sight. Zecora, satisfied at her part in all this, went back inside. At this point, Twilight arrived. She waited in some nearby bushes and debated wether or not to go in the portal. "He's going to get himself killed! I've got to help him! But what if I die? No, I've got to save him as he saved me!" And with that, she ran towards the portal and went through just as it closed. Meanwhile, Richard had just come out other end of the portal. He landed on the floor, sword stabbed into the ground. Slowly, he took it out and slowly stood up to get a look at where he was, and he was taken aback by what he saw. "My god." He said in shock. He was in his old flat in London.
PowerThe flat was exactly how Richard had left it. Half eaten pizza on the table, Jeremy Clarkson books placed messily on the shelf, Monty Pythons Meaning of Life playing on the TV, everything was as it was on that fateful night. Richard took a while to remember everything that he had before he gave it away for ponies, but then got back to the task at hand. He had a vendetta, and he was going to carry it out one way or another. He thought for a moment about where the Princess might be, but then he had an idea. Where was the best place to get information, no matter where you were? The local pub. He stood outside the door of his local pub, The Shaftesbury, and prepared for his first drink back on earth. "Well mate, welcome to your own kind." He said to himself as he entered the pub. To his surprise, there weren't that many people inside. To find out why, he went up to the bartender and began his search for information. "Oi mate, gimme two beers and a sausage roll." He said to the bartender "Sure." He replied as he poured the beer."You new around 'ere?" "Sort of, I've been gone for a while." Richard replied."When I left this country was an almighty shithole. How'd things get turned around like this?" "Simple. The eco nuts got their way and managed to somehow change everything back." The bartender told him. "You mean that woman who shoved a pie in Jezza's face was right? Jeez." Richard said, shocked. "I know, here's your food, by the way." The bartender said as he placed a sausage roll in front of Richard. "Thanks." He said as he took a bite out of it."Listen, you wouldn't happen to know anything about....Molestia, would you?" "Molestia? Oh god, I thought you all went away a year ago." The bartender said in sudden frustration. "What?" Richard asked. "Oi lads! It's one of them brony fucktards!" All the men in the room put down their drinks and started walking towards Richard."So, how does it feel being twenty percent gayer?" One of them asked him mockingly. "Easy now, I don't want any trouble." Richard said as he pulled out his katana in self defense "What? You wanna bring arms to me now? You wanna merk me? Well fine then!" Shouted the same man, obviously the leader, as he grabbed his glass and threw it at Richard. It shattered and cut him in a number of places, one of those places being just above his mouth. Richard waited, suddenly stricken with fear, as blood slowly dripped down his face and entered his mouth. As the crimson liquid hit his tongue, he felt a strange sense of euphoria. He smiled menacingly as his ipod began playing We Are Finally Cowboys Golden Brown Mix. "That's......Good." He said as his eyes took on a familiar green glow. Before the man had time to react, he had Richard's katana straight through his stomach. Richard gave him a moment to let this fact sink in before he did a backflip, slicing the man upwards. Richard placed his head in between the two segments and swallowed some of the blood that now flowed copiously from the man. "BLOOOOOOOOD!" He shouted in twisted delight. he then turned towards the others, struck dumb by what they had just seen, and decapitated all of them in one fell swoop. Focusing one one head, he pulled out his gun and shot it during it's last five seconds of consciousness. To his surprise, it fired an energy blast which seemed to suck the very life out of it and then cause it to die in a bloody explosion. In all the chaos it was impossible to say who's blood was who's. Satisfied at a good kill, Richard turned on the bartender. "Right, do you know something, or don't you? Because if you don't then you're of no use to me, and if you're of no use to me then you die!" He shouted as he held the bartender at swordpoint. "Okay, I'll tell you. All I know is that there's been some weird shit going on at The Gherkin, okay? Now please don't kill me!" The bartender told him in fear. "Alright then, but take this to remember me by." Richard said as he whipped the bartender's shirt off and carved an R into his chest. The bartender cried out in pain as Richard's katana cut into his skin. Once Richard had finished this act he threw the bartender to the ground and set off in search of Molestia.
"Oh crikey, it's the rozzers!"When Twilight exited the portal, she had no idea where she was. It looked like some sort of alley, but it wasn't like any alley she'd seen in Equestria. She tentatively walked forward and discovered some very strange buildings. They looked nothing like buildings did back home. She happened to notice that one building had bloodstains on the windows. She walked towards the building and slowly opened the door. When she looked inside, she was horrified. Blood everywhere, bodies littering the floor, the entire place wrecked. This was the aftermath of Richard's search for information. Twilight stared in shock, her eyes transfixed on the carnage before her, when she heard the low moaning of the bartender. "Fuckin' ponies. In my pub. This is my worst nightmare." He managed to say through the pool of blood he lay in. "Oh my word!" Twilight shouted as she ran over to him."Are you okay?" "I was, but then I got carved up by some faggot with a katana." The bartender replied. "You mean Richard? He did this to you?" Twilight asked in shock. The bartender's eyes widened in sudden realisation as he heard these words. "Richard, did you say? Oh no, oh god no." He said, tears filling his eyes. "What's wrong?" Twilight asked him. "In all my years. I never thought that my best customer would be the one wot did me in. Listen, I've got his phone number on a piece of paper in that drawer." He said, using some of the last of his strength to point to the draw he was referring to."If you want to find him, use my phone to call that number." "Phone? What are you talking about?" Twilight asked him in confusion. "Oy, I figured we'd have this problem. What you do is you press the numbered buttons in the order that they're in on the paper, then you might be able to speak to Richard." The bartender said to her. "Alright," Twilight said to him as she looked through the drawer."Do you need any help?" "No, don't worry about me." The bartender replied. "Okay then, than you for helping me." Twilight replied as she left the pub. The bartender waited until he was certain that she was gone before making his last move. Slowly, he picked up a second phone, dialed a number and spoke these words. "Hello? I wish to report a murder." Meanwhile, Richard was making his way through the streets of London when he felt something vibrate in his pocket. He reached in and pulled out his mobile, an old Sony Ericsson, and answered the call. "Hello?" He asked the caller. "Richard! Where are you?" Twilight shouted down the phone. "Twilight? What are you doing here?" Richard asked, completely surprised by hearing the voice of a pony on the line. "That's not important right now." Twilight said to him."What is important is you, what are you doing here?" "Basically, Celestia came back, murdered Joe and now I'm out for alicorn blood." Richard told her. "What? That's not possible! You sealed her away for 1000 years!" Twilight exclaimed in shock. "Yeah I don't know how it happened either, blame the-" Richard began before hearing a sound off in the distance."Oh crikey,, it's the rozzers!" "The what?" Twilight asked as the noise became close enough for her to hear it through the phone."Richard, what's that sound?" "That's the sound of the police, ad they're on to me! Listen, just go to number 21 and stay at my place until I get back. And whatever you do, don-" He began before a thudding sound was heard and then the line went dead. Twilight decided that this was something Richard needed to take care of himself, and went back to the flat. Meanwhile, Richard had turned down an alleyway to escape but was still caught, and now had his head being held to the floor by a police officer. "Sir, I am placing you under arrest on suspicion of murder and carrying a deadly weapon." Said one as they bent down to handcuff him. But just as they did this, Richard looked up and saw two eyes staring back at him from the shadows. "MOLESTIA!" He shouted in fear and anger. In the confusion, he was able to break out of the officers' grasp. He ran into the shadows, katana at the ready, but found nothing. When he turned around, however, it was a different story. Molestia stood over the bodies of the two officers whom she had fatally gored with her horn. She stared at Richard, a look of lustful insanity in her eye, before vanishing. Filled with rage, Richard spread his wings out and flew towards The Gherkin. Time to finish this once and for all.
