M.A. Larson Pisses Off Colgate

by StormLuna

Rating: teen
Tags: Twinkleshine, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Colgate, Comedy, Lemon Hearts, Random
Length: 4034

Colgate and her friends watch the new episode together but Colgate does not like the way she is portrayed, nor does she like being called Minuette. This pisses her off and her temper flares.

Colgate and her friends sit down to watch the new episode of MLP: FiM like they do every other Saturday but this episode isn't like the others. It actually includes Colgate and her friends in a meaningful role, which makes the three of them happy, at first. Soon Colgate does not like how she is portrayed and decides to let the writers know.

Published 2015-07-13 13:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-13 13:20:02 UTC

Episode Time!

Author's Note

This story takes place as Colgate, Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine are watching Amending Fences, so in their world Twilight coming up and visiting them and all events involving Moondancer have not happened.

Episode Time!

It was another Saturday morning in Canterlot as the sun shone into Colgate's room, waking her up. "Ugh, morning always has to come too soon." She then realized what was going to happen that day, the episode she had waited for nearly five years was going to be on. She yelled, "Oh my goodness, the episode that I've been waiting for for so long is finally here!"

She bounced down the steps to the living room where she was greeted by her two best friends and roommates, Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine. Normally Colgate is a bit of a grump when she wakes up so the two were shocked by her behavior. Lemon Hearts smiled and asked, "I take it you're just as excited for the new episode as we are?"

Colgate replied, "Of course!"

Twinkleshine asked, "So what's for breakfast?"

Colgate replied, "Bacon, eggs, steel cut oats and cider of course!"

The two sighed in disgust because they can't stand bacon but knew that Colgate would be a real bear to live with for the rest of the weekend if they didn't eat it so they ate it anyway.

They ate their breakfast and talked casually while the first three episodes were on like they always do. After the third episode, Lemon Hearts commented, "You know, they really made those yaks look stupid."

Colgate added, "I'll say, I think they're supposed to be like the Mongolian's featured in Lyra's My Little Human comic collection but still, I wouldn't think they'd make them that dumb."

As soon as the new episode began Twinkleshine yelled, "Shhhhh, the new episode is starting!"

As they watched the first part of the episode everything was as it truly was. Lemon Hearts laughed, "Yeah that's Twilight for you, puts her Ponyville friends on a pedestal but forget her original friends' names!"

Twinkleshine added, "Yeah, she was a pretty bad friend."

After the commercial break when the episode starts again they go quiet and have their eyes glued on the television. As Twilight was walking up into her old tower the three couldn't help but grumble a bit as they realized how spoiled Twilight really was. Lemon Hearts sneered, "Oh yes, little miss Twily got her own tower because she was the 'chosen one.'"

Twinkleshine added, "Yeah, that is true."

Colgate mumbled, "Ugh, right now I feel like we're watching a history documentary." She then began to giggle, "You know, I wonder if Celestia didn't give her that tower for reasons other than just being her chosen........" She busted out laughing so loud that she couldn't even finish her sentence.

Lemon Hearts interrupted, "Colgate, get your mind out of the gutter!"

Twinkleshine said, "You know Lemon Hearts, I could see that happening. I've always heard rumors about them."

Soon both Colgate and Lemon Hearts were laughing so hard they could hardly concentrate on the episode. Twinkleshine yelled, "QUIET! I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE SHOW!"

Her friends quieted down and watched as Twilight finally remembered her friends' names and began to list them, "Minuette, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, Moondancer and Lyra Heartstrings."

As soon as Colgate heard this she yelled, "My name is COLGATE, not Minuette!" She stomped her hoof into the floor and continued, "Well maybe that was just a one time thing. Larson wouldn't have it accurate if he had her remember what name I go by."

Next came Twilight going to visit Colgate. As it showed Twilight and Spike heading towards Minuette's door and knocking Colgate couldn't help but notice it looked just like her's. She said, "Damn, they must have had somepony come and take a picture of the front of our house for them to get it so accurate."

Twinkleshine sometimes tended to be a bit more paranoid. She shuddered, "Or what if Celestia has her guards spying on us and they sold the image to Larson?"

Colgate replied, "Twinkleshine, M.A. Larson wrote the episode, he didn't animate it as well."

Lemon Hearts said, "Well maybe they sold images of our house to DHX."

They get to the part of the episode where Minuette answers the door as happy as can be and hugs Twilight. This sends Colgate into a rage. She shouts, "WHAT? I WOULD NOT JUST EASILY FORGIVE HER FOR UP AND LEAVING LIKE THAT AND I SURE THE HAY WOULDN'T ACT LIKE A TOTAL DINGBAT EITHER!"

Colgate was snorting loudly and smashed her plate on the floor she was so mad. Lemon Hearts put her hoof around her and said, "Colgate, calm down, it's just a TV show."

Colgate snorted, "Yes, a TV show that is seen across all of Equestria and by ALL my patients! What if they start to think I'm a dingbat and don't trust me as their dentist anymore!"

Twinkleshine said, "Colgate, I don't think your patients will change their opinion of you over a fictional TV show."

Colgate rolled her eyes as the show led them off to meet with Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts. Lemon Hearts squealed, "Finally, I get a part!"

Her and Twinkleshine leaned towards the TV as their roles began. Both of them had huge smiles on their faces while Colgate sat there with a scowl on her face. She could not stand the fact that she, a very professional and business minded pony, was being portrayed as a giddy dingbat. Yes her friends were being depicted as very happy and laughing as well but that is how they are in real life so that didn't bother them any.

Next in the episode, Lemon Hearts suggests that they have a blast from the past so the four head over to the windows of the old science lab and this brought back memories for Twilight. While she was looking through the windows and saw a vision of her and Moondancer discussing how to make a proper salt lick, Colgate mentioned how Lemon Hearts got her head stuck in that beaker. This immediately showed up in Twilight's vision. Lemon Hearts saw this and yelled, "How did Larson know about that? Did he get records from the school of what we did as fillies?"

Colgate and Twinkleshine began to laugh just as hard as they did the day it happened. "You know, seeing that portrayed on TV is almost as funny as it was seeing it for real back in the day!" laughed Colgate.

Twinkleshine added, "Don't you remember the teacher telling you not to put your head in the beaker Lemon Hearts?"

Lemon Hearts mumbled, "Yes I know, the teacher told me not to put my head in the beaker."

Together Colgate and Twinkleshine continued, "But you didn't listen!"

Colgate laughed as she added, "Yeah, just like Braeburn and not watching the fillies!"

Twinkleshine added, "Yeah and Party Favor when he didn't listen to Twilight and her friends in the propaganda hut!" She began to laugh louder and continued, "Too bad they wouldn't have given you that same mindless look they gave the other two!"

Lemon Hearts growled, "That's so funny I forgot to laugh."

Next the show goes to where they go to visit Moondancer and when they see how it portrays her, they aren't surprised. Colgate said, "Well Larson sure got Moondancer right."

Twinkleshine added, "And the animators got her look right."

Lemon Hearts asked, "You don't really think they have pictures of us and our houses do you? They got Moondancer's house right too."

Colgate replied, "They might, but let's get back to enjoying this episode."

The show jumps forward three days and it shows Twilight and Colgate wearing disguising glasses while looking at menus. Again Colgate was pissed over how she was being portrayed. She screamed, "I would NEVER wear stupid glasses like that! Ugh, why did they have to make me look so stupid in this episode?"

Lemon Hearts replied, "Colgate, you're going to give yourself a heart attack, just calm down."

Colgate calmed down, but only slightly. She continued, "And Larson obviously doesn't know me or Twily all that much. We would not stalk somepony like that for three days straight." She began to bite her hooves and continued, "Well Twilight might now since she is one of them."

Twinkleshine asked, "One of them?"

Colgate replied, "Yes, one of them. Part of the feds."

Lemon Hearts did a facehoof and said, "The feds? What the hay did you do, get into Lyra's human books and read about that fictional human country called America?"

Twinkleshine interrupted, "Shhhhhh. I'm trying to watch this episode. Would you two be quiet?"

They quieted down and the show flashes back to when they asked Twilight if she wanted to go to Moondancer's party. A realization hit the three, they realized that they had seen this before."

Colgate asked, "Wait a minute? Haven't we seen this before?"

Twinkleshine replied, "We have, they showed us doing that in the very first episode, except it was Lauren Faust who wrote that one."

Lemon Hearts stated, "So basically they used a piece of history in this as well."

Colgate replied, "Yep, they did."

The show flashed back forwards to where Twilight said she would have to make it up to Moondancer for skipping her party. Colgate laughed, "Oh boy, if Larson gets this right, things will not go well for her!"

The show then showed Twilight going into the library trying to talk to Moondancer but she along with everypony else in the library were not being very friendly to her. It then it shows her appearing in Moondancer's book after conventional communication methods failed. Colgate sighed, "Come on Larson, I know Twily is good with magic but NOPONY could get themselves in a book."

Twinkleshine added, "Yeah, that is just Larson making Twilight look better than she really is."

They continued to watch as Twilight finally gets Moondancer to go over to her tower with her and show her around. They see Moondancer looking in awe. Colgate said, "I bet she wished that she had that place in real life."

Twinkleshine replied, "Yep. Had she been the one with it, she would have been the one Celestia forced to run off without saying goodbye."

They watch as Twilight offers Moondancer the key to the place but then says she has to do something for her first. Lemon Hearts is the first to guess, "Let me guess, she's going to make her clean the place first."

Twinkleshine guessed, "She's going to make her rearrange the books!"

Colgate guessed, "She'll make her do those two things and then thank her in a very special way!"

Lemon Hearts sighed, "Good grief Colgate. The way you talk I think YOU'RE the one who wants to be thanked in a very special way by one of them."

Colgate blushed, "Well I always did like Moondancer, but she was so shy and always rejected my advances so I eventually just gave up."

Soon it was just Twilight wanting Moondancer to join her and her old friends for dinner. Lemon Hearts sighed, "And here we thought it would be something at least semi-interesting that she would request of her."

The show cuts to them having dinner and the very first thing the three of them notice is Starlight Glimmer hiding behind a menu. Colgate laughs, "You know, maybe if Starlight takes her mark maybe Moondancer won't be such a grump."

Lemon Hearts sighed, "I don't think even equalizing her would improve her attitude."

Twinkleshine interrupted, "For the last time would you two be quiet? We have waited nearly five years for this episode and all you two can do is yap, yap, yap!"

The other two rolled their eyes and turned their attention back to the TV. Twilight had already followed Moondancer out of the restaurant. They knew Larson had got it right on with the way Moondancer was behaving when Twilight was telling her to give friendship a chance. Lemon Hearts commented, "I remember when Twilight was like that. The only pony she cared about was Tia."

Colgate giggled, "Yeah and that's probably how she got that tower, because of you know."

Lemon Hearts sighed, "Enough of the conspiracies Colgate. I know it's funny to think about but I doubt it is true."

Twinkleshine yelled, "Be quiet. I'm trying to watch this."

When they get back to watching the show had cut to the flashback when Moondancer got sad that Twilight wasn't showing up to the party. Colgate started to bite her hooves and asked, "How the hay did they get all this history on us? I know......"

Twinkleshine sighed, "Colgate, enough of all these other conspiracies too, alright?"

Colgate rolled her eyes and growled, "Fine."

The show then cuts to where Twilight and Pinkie show up in Canterlot and shows Pinkie and Colgate knowing each other and being great friends. Colgate gasped, "Well this is the part where it is purely fictional. I'm not friends with that pink pony. The only reason I know her is because I bumped into her once when she was bouncing around town here." She kicked her coffee table and snorted, "Ugh, there is no way I would be friends with somepony that hyper."

Lemon Hearts put her hoof around Colgate and replied, "Please Colgate, would you stop getting so mad? I'm worried you're going to go into one of those states where you need to be away from the office for a few days so you don't hurt somepony."

Colgate grunted, "Fine."

The show then cut to where Moondancer was following a trail of books and smiling in glee as she saw each one. Twinkleshine said, "You know, you'd think a pony as smart as her would know that she is being led into a trap."

Colgate replied, "That is probably how Larson wanted it to be. He wanted her to be lured into whatever fate awaits her."

They then watched as Moondancer arrived at the party and in her usual style, said that she was not interested and eventually got angry. Colgate said, "Yeah Larson got it right, that is how Moondancer would react in that situation."

The show goes from Moondancer being angry to crying, which the three thought was not what she would do. Twinkleshine said, "Well now they have her being very out of character. The Moondancer I know, well used to know, would never do that. She would have just yelled at everypony and left."

Lemon Hearts added, "Well you know, Larson may have got it right here. Her seeing Twilight throwing her a party may have made her emotional. I don't know why she always liked her, but she did."

The show then goes to where Moondancer's three old friends say they would be her friend again, Twilight and Pinkie wanting to be her friends and then the book seller, the librarian and her sister showing up to the party, which made her happy. Colgate sighed, "Uh Larson, isn't she already close with the book seller and librarian? I don't think you have to make that up."

Twinkleshine added, "Of course there is Spike giving the picture of all of us to Moondancer, with Twilight looking horribly grumpy. Not exactly the best way for Moondancer to see Twilight in a picture she will likely look at everyday but hey, it beats nothing."

Then they have their party and in the end of the episode it shows Moondancer having fun with Colgate, Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts. In unison the three said, "Yeah right, like that's ever going to happen."

The credits began to roll and Colgate got up. She said, "Well now it is time to send Mr. Larson a letter letting him know of my displeasure of how I was portrayed."

Lemon Hearts said, "You're going to do that yet you were always making off color, sexually suggestive remarks regarding Twilight, Celestia and Moondancer? That's kind of a double standard, don't you think?"

Colgate replied, "How I act in public and my reactions to what happens in shows at home is completely different and nopony knows about my reactions here at home, well except for you two."

As Colgate headed to her room to write an e-mail, Twinkleshine said, "You know Lemon Hearts, if everypony knew some of the off-color remarks she makes here at home, nopony would ever look at her the same way again."

Lemon Hearts laughed, "Yeah and if Moondancer ever heard her talk about how she thinks Twilight wanted her in this episode, she'd probably come over here in the middle of the night and kill her."

Larson's Response

Several hours pass and Colgate is impatiently checking her email every ten minutes. Twinkleshine goes into her room and said, "Colgate, give him some time to write you back. I doubt he starts checking his email the second an episode gets over and waits for letters from angry fans like you."

Colgate sighed, "Angry? I'm not angry! I loved the episode overall, I just hate how I was portrayed."

Colgate hit the refresh button on her browser and she had an email from him. She yelled, "Alright! I have a response from him. Hopefully he will tell me he will call me Colgate from now on and portray me in my true form."

Twinkleshine replied, "Yeah, uh huh Colgate. I doubt he will portray you making off-color comments regarding Twilight, Moondancer and Princess Celestia. That wouldn't be fit for a kids' show."

She opened the email and it began,

"Dr. Colgate,

I always appreciate it when I receive letters from the fans regarding how I wrote the show. I must admit though, this is the first time I have ever received a letter from one of the characters involved in the show. I will tell you why I portrayed you the way I did.

I portrayed you to be happy-go-lucky because it would make you a more popular character. If I made you act like you claim you behave, you would be put in the same class of character as Prince Blueblood and you would be a character that is hated. Having you be happy-go-lucky also involves you acting like what Twilight did was nothing bad and for you to easily forgive her. You mention you would rather be depicted as a bloodthirsty, sadistic dentist who tortures her patients to death than be depicted as a 'dingbat.' Well if I had you be the sadistic dentist you mention, Hasbro would never allow it and if by some miracle they did, I would have StormLuna and who knows how many other authors on Fimfiction suing me for stealing their version of you.

I used the name Minuette instead of Colgate for two reasons. One, you were given the name Minuette on a blind bag figure once and I do not want Colgate-Palmolive suing us for infringing upon the copyrighted name of their Colgate toothpaste. The Fimfiction writers can get away with it because they don't make a profit off of it while Hasbro and DHX do.

Thanks,

M.A. Larson

P.S. For your information, Celestia does have listening devices in every house, which I can tap into. I know about your off-color remarks regarding Celestia, Twilight and Moondancer. Tell you what, if a 'mature' version of MLP is ever created, I'll make an episode where you and Moondancer join Celestia and Twilight for a raunchy night of fun."

Colgate finished reading the email and said, "Well I tried."

Twinkleshine looked at the email and said, "You could at least email him back and ask if he could write Lemon Hearts and me into it too."

Colgate asked, "Why?"

Lemon Hearts entered the room and they embraced Colgate from each side. Lemon Hearts asked, "You never noticed the way we watch you, have you Colgate?"

Twinkleshine added, "I know you're always busy at work and tired when you get home but I would think that when you're home you would be able to tell that we love you, that we think you are hot and that we want you so bad."

Colgate blushed, "Really? You two want me?"

Lemon Hearts gave her a big, wet kiss and replied, "Yes, we do!"

Twinkleshine gave her a seductive look and added, "You have no idea how many nights the both of us have wanted to crawl in bed with you."

Colgate replied, "Well then, how about we start sharing the same bed?"

Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine said, "We'd love that!"

Further Communications

After discovering that her two roommates and friends love her and want her, Colgate decided to reply to M.A. Larson's email. She hit the reply button and started,

"M.A. Larson

It is me, Colgate again. Forget about putting me with Twilight, Moondancer and Tia. Since you claim to have access to Celestia's alleged listening devices, you probably know that Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts and I are an item now. If you ever are able to write a mature version of MLP about us, just have it be us three instead. Regarding regular episodes, could you please have the three of us be inseparable the way you have Lyra and Bon Bon?"

Thanks,

Dr. M. Colgate"

It wasn't long until Colgate received a reply from Larson. His reply said,

"Alright Colgate, will do. I'll see if I can't get the executives at Hasbro to make a set of you three since you are such good friends in the Amending Fences episode."

Thanks,

M.A. Larson"

The three looked at the screen in glee as they read the reply. Colgate said, "Well girls, wanna have some fun?"

Both of them enthusiastically replied, "You bet we do hot stuff!"

Colgate's Letter

After firing up her computer and getting into her e-mail, Colgate began to compose a letter. It read,

"Mr. Larson,

I recently finished watching the episode "Amending Fences" and I must say that it was a great episode, with a couple of exceptions. For starters, I am to be referred to as COLGATE, not Minuette. Yes my given name is Minuette but everypony has always called me Colgate. The only ones who know what my given name is are my family, the higher ups of the Equestrian Dental Association and my best friends.

Also, I take offense as to how you portrayed me in this episode. You portrayed me as an overly happy, extremely hyper DINGBAT! You had me acting like some teenager or at the most, early twenty-something who can't keep her nose out of anything. Even worse, you have me forgive Twilight like nothing ever happened. It did more than just sting a little bit, it angered myself along with Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine when she pulled that. Yes I know her lover sent her off on an assignment that she would never return from but still, she could have came by and said good bye before she left.

You should know that I am a very professional minded pony. Dentists and other ponies in the medical field always conduct themselves in the most professional ways when in public. Come up to Canterlot and talk to the ponies on the street and they will tell you how calm and collected I always am. They will tell you that I never make a public spectacle of myself.

Also, when you have Twilight come visit me you simply have me say that I tell my coworkers that I used to be friends with her. You do realize that I OWN a dental practice don't you? They are not my coworkers, they are my EMPLOYEES. Just keep that in mind the next time you decide to give me such a huge role in an episode. I would much rather you portray me as a sadistic dentist who brutally tortures and kills her patients than be portrayed as a dingbat who forgives so-called friends who throw them under the bus so easily.

You did portray Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine quite well though. You have a good day.

Thanks,

Dr. M. Colgate"