Unlikely Heroes
Written By: Calamity Jay
I - The Prisoners
"So, you have them in containment, Sergeant?" Celestia asked the nervous security guard as she and her sister trotted in the steel halls of the Equestrian Maximum Security Prison in Manehattan. Here was where they held Equestria's most wanted criminals, killers, robbers, and other degenerates of many kinds. It was also here, where the sisters were looking for their last hope at securing peace for the entire world.
"Uh, yes, Your Majesty, but with all due respect, why do you wish to see these criminals? They're the most dangerous thugs in all of Equestria." The young officer then led them down another hallway that led down to the place where the baddest of the bad go to: Solitary Confinement.
"We are well aware of that, but we fear that they are our only hope. My sister and I have heard about them and wish to know more about their capabilities. Most of them are ex-soldiers of the Equestrian Army, correct?" Luna asked as they trotted closer and closer to the large steel reinforced door.
"Yes they are Princess, some were once special forces I think. But they all went rogue and well, here is where they ended up." They finally reached the door that was being guarded by two Earth ponies armed with assault rifles strapped to saddles on their backs, the trigger a mouthpiece attached to the saddle itself. Immediately they stood at attention as the Sergeant approached with the two Princesses behind them. To their left was a unicorn guard behind a bulletproof window who sat at a console controlling the door to Solitary. The officer nodded to his cohort behind the window, the latter nodding back and pushing a button with his hoof. A loud *beep* was heard and the huge metal door unlocked itself, swinging open to reveal another short hallway. "Down here is where we keep them in confinement and under surveillance at all times. We had to specify how to contain them, since they each have certain abilities that would help them break out of their cells. For the Pegasi, we bound their wings which keeps them from going anywhere fast when we pull them out for inspection. For the Unicorns, we nullify their magic by activating magic suppression fields." This got him a look from the princesses, certainly not a good idea to suppress their magic without permission. "Uh, in their cells of course! We also have a team of guards with magic suppressors equipped handle them whenever we pull them for inspection." He added as they were approaching the next door which was guarded by two more guards. They finally reached the door, guarded by two more armed Earth Ponies, whom stepped aside and allowed them entry. "Oh, and for the Earth ponies we have reinforced cells to keep them from breaking through." He took his key card and slid it into a slot next to the door. The red light on top of the door turned green and the door automatically opened, revealing the room beyond.
"Your Majesties, I must warn you, these mares are the most dangerous prisoners we have ever had here. They don't care who you are, they will try to intimidate you. They will show no fear."
"Its alright Sergeant, just take us in." Luna ordered and the young guard nodded.
"Okay! Lights on! The princesses are here!" He shouted out and within seconds the whole cellblock was illuminated with fluorescent lights that were hanging in the rafters. The cellblock itself was only one floor with stone walls. The hallway was about fifty meters long and Unicorn guards were patrolling up and down the cell block with their batons floating about and their sidearms strapped to their foreleg. "Alright, this way, Your Majesties." He led them down to the right side of the block to the first cell lining the wall. The glass cell contained a pegasus mare with a cyan coat, rainbow mane and tail, and her eyes were a rosy violet. The cell contained few luxuries: A twin sized bed, a nightstand with a lamp, a shower, a latrine, a sink, and several trinkets of hers laid about the room. She was lying on her bed, throwing a red ball against the wall and bouncing it back and forth with her hoof with a thoroughly bored expression on her face. It wasn't until the guard rapped on the cell door with his baton did the mare notice them.
He then pressed a button on the wall next to the cell. "Hey! Prisoner! The Princesses are here! Acknowledge them!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Hmph, thinks I give a damn about royalty." She grumbled through the intercom as she stopped bouncing the ball and rose up off her cot. "What the fuck do you people want?"
"Watch your mouth! These are the rulers of Equestria you're talking to! Show some respect or else its a week in the hole for you!"
"Again? Oh I just can't wait to go back into that wormhole. Its so much more comfy in there than in here-"
"I'm warning you! One more smart remark out of you-"
"Enough, Sergeant," Celestia held out her hoof to stop the argument between them. The young guard growled at the cyan mare and turned off the intercom. "So, what can you tell me about this mare?"
"Prisoner 287-554. Name: Rainbow Dash. Once a reconnaissance scout for the special forces. Being known to move quickly and stealthily, she was able to blitz through enemy lines and kill with deadly efficiency. After her discharge from the military, she decided to use her skills for a different line of work: Thievery. She broke into banks, offices, homes, you name it; killing several people in the process. We apprehended her when she tried to break into the Royal Canterlot Depository. It was quite strange, her entire crew was able to escape when we found them, but for some reason we were able to catch her."
"Her personality?"
"Well, as you can see she has a very brash, inattentive, inconsiderate, rude, and deathly sarcastic attitude as you saw now." They looked back at the jail mare, who was standing there in front of them, yawning every once in a while and checking her hooves. "Also, she has tried escaping more than once. Not only is she efficient in combat, but with wits and cleverness she almost broke out of the prison, killing at least three guards in the process."
"So, smart, clever, and deadly? I believe that is what they call a triple threat, sister." Luna huffed out a laugh while her sister kept her stern expression. "Sister?"
"Yes, she is indeed, Luna. Anything else you wish to tell us about this mare, Sergeant?"
"No. Would you like to move on?"
"Yes proceed," They turned around and faced the cell opposite from where they were standing. Inside the cell was a minty green coated unicorn mare, her mane matching her coat with a streak of white, and sporting lovely amber colored eyes. A scar ran down the left side of face, just behind her eye. She was eyeing them the moment they came in, already standing at her hooves, a scowl on her scarred face. Her beautiful eyes betraying her persona. "What might we call this mare?" Luna asked, eyeing up the cell's occupant. Her cell was the same as the other's, bearing the essentials and few luxuries as well.
"Ah yes, this mare." He went over to the intercom. "Prisoner, acknowledge the Princesses!" The minty mare simply nodded, her scowl still adorning her face. "This is Prisoner 271-385. Name: Lyra Heartstrings. She was a field marshal in the Equestrian army during the Grim Talon War, commanding companies of troops and leading them into battle. After she caused the deaths of over three hundred of her men in the bloody battle of Carrion's Pass , she stepped down from her position and dishonorably discharged herself. She suffers from PTSD and always seems to be in a bad mood, as you can see now." It was indeed true as she glared at the princesses, looking as though she was ready to kill them. "She is also one of the more violent mares of this prison, having a five outta of five rating for violence. Despite the fact that she is a Unicorn, she has had multiple outbreaks of violence, injuring several guards with her brutish strength and skillfulness in hoof to hoof combat. In the past we have had to sedate her as a safety precaution whenever we pull her out for inspection. Of course, we only do that if she's uncooperative."
"Her abilities?"
"She has mastery over a wide range of weaponry, the fact that she has magic can bolster that ability. It was heard that she once took on an entire Griffin Cohort with only a handful of soldiers and an arsenal of weapons that she wielded... Uh, all at once. Even though she is like this now, she was a great soldier nonetheless."
"How did she get here?"
"She was driven mad by her PTSD and murdered her husband in a paranoid fury, thinking that he was trying to kill her when he really wasn't."
"What in the world made her think that?" Luna asked incredulously.
"I can't be sure, but I believe the report stated that she and her husband were in the middle of um... Having relations when the murder took place."
"Hmm, you said that she was a commander. Do you think that she could still be fit for combat and leadership?" Celestia asked the young guard, who looked unsure. "Well, Sergeant?"
"Um, from the treatments we have provided for her here, she has shown several signs of improvement. I believe that with more time she will be rehabilitated."
"Very good, can we go onto the next one?"
"Yes of course," He replied, leading them back to the other side of the hall to the next cell on the block. "I can't help but ask, what do you intend to do with them? I know you said they are our only hope, but what did you mean by that?"
"That is for us to know, Sergeant. Now, please show us the next subject."
"Y-yes, Princess," They walked up to the cell, which held white coated Unicorn mare with a wild blue mane and tail. Her eyes covered up with sunglasses and huge earphones on her head. The young Earth pony pressed the intercom. "Prisoner! Stand up! The Princesses are here!" The mare ignored them as she nodded her head to the music that only she could hear. "Prisoner!" He rapped on the door with his baton several times. "Hey! Can you hear me?! Answer!" Again, she just kept on jamming out to her music. "Ah, Goddesses dammit, I hate when she does this. I don't know why we even gave her that thing." He groaned as he pressed a hoof to his face.
"Allow me, Sergeant," Luna gently pushed him out of the way and stood in front of the intercom. "Oh, you may wish to cover your ears. I am sure she will hear this. Ahem... STAND UP YOU WHELP! STAND AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PRINCESSES!" She used The Voice on the intercom, causing the room inside to quake from the force of her Voice; the mare's glasses fell off her nose and revealed red rimmed irises. She looked over to the princesses and fell into a silent laughing fit behind the glass.
The guard growled in frustration and slammed the button on the intercom. "Hey! Show some respect for the Princesses!" He was met laughter coming from the mare.
"Oh ho, oh ho. Hold on! Give me a sec!" She clutched at her belly with a hoof, her eyes clenched shut. Finally she stopped and removed her headphones. "Oh sweet merciful Celestia! That was a good one, Luna! I swear I almost pissed myself! Ahahaha!" She wiped a tear from her eye.
"Hey! Be quiet!"
"And then- and then my glasses fell off my face! Oh Goddesses!" She continued her laughing fit, causing the guard to slam on the door once again with his baton. "Alright, alright. I'll quit! Jeez, you're a real buzzkill ya know that, Sarge?"
"I said shut up, prisoner! These are the rulers of Equestria you're talking to!"
"Well, no shit Sherclop! I wasn't born yesterday! Anyways," She sat down on her rump. "What can I do for you, Your 'Majesties'," She drawled, air quoting with her hooves.
"Nothing, we just wished to meet you. That is all," Celestia nods to the guard and he goes to turn off the intercom.
"Aw come on! You interrupt my jam session for this bull-" But that was all she could say as she finished her rant behind the soundproof glass.
"What can you tell us about her?"
"Prisoner 251-083. Name: Vinyl Scratch. She served in the Equestrian Special Ops Forces as a demolitions expert. Her weapon of choice was the EM-83 Rotary Grenade Launcher. With her knowledge of explosives, she caused over two hundred casualties. Both military and civilian. Because of that, she was discharged of course with good reason. After that, like most of these degenerates, she used her skills for crime. She of course used explosives in most of her criminal endeavors. Eventually we caught her and brought her here. As for her personality, she is mostly laid back and possibly one of the more stable mares here. Minus her liking for explosions and practical jokes. Also she seems to enjoy dubstep a bit too much. Even more so because she once stated that she calls her 'hobby', and I quote, 'Dropping the bass on her enemies'"
"Amusing, have you had any problems with her?"
"Well, there was one time she made a pipe bomb in her cell. That day, before we pulled her for inspection, she told us that her toilet wasn't flushing and that she left us a little 'present' floating in there. We managed to disarm the bomb and now we always scan her room for explosives."
"So, she is clever as well?"
"You could say that."
"Good, I am sure she will be useful. Next one please." They moved back across the hall to the next cell, where a lone pink Earth pony mare sat on her rump, facing away from the door. Her mane was a darker shade of pink and hanging on her shoulders. All over the room there were drawings of balloons, birthday cakes, presents, and other things. She seemed to be just drawing circles on the floor with her hoof. "Hmm, this one seems interesting."
"Indeed she is," He taps on the intercom. "Prisoner, stand and face the Princesses." He orders and the pink mare slowly rises up and turns around, glaring at them with her baby blue eyes. "We have to be gentle with her, anything can set her off-" Suddenly her mane poofs up and her persona changes entirely, her frown being turned upside down and her mane curly and frothy.
"Hi there! My name's Pinkie Pie! Wanna be my friend!? Ooh! I know what, I'll throw us a party so that we can so much fun! Oh there'll be cake, balloons, candy, punch, and- ooh did I mention that there's gonna be cake?! I love cake-" Before she could continue her light speed rambling, the guard pushed on the button with a sigh, silencing her. Immediately she reverts back to depressed personality, her glare coming back.
"With that aside, allow me to introduce Prisoner 286-931, Name: Pinkie Pie. She served in the army for about six years before being discharged from service. During that time, she played her role as part of the Flame Unit, whom would keep enemy soldiers from breaking through their lines with flamethrowers and other incendiary weapons . As of right now, she suffers from ADHD, Multiple Personality disorder, bipolar disorder, ADD, and during her time in the army, developed a bad case of pyromania. We have had minimal problems with her, but some guards get annoyed when she rambles on and on. So there are times where we've had to sedate her as well. Oh, and we don't allow her to cook her own meals like we do for the other inmates for... Obvious reasons."
"Indeed, can we move on?"
"Yes of course." They went back to the other side of the hall to a gray mare with black mane and tail, sitting on a stool with a large contrabass leaning against her. She had the bow in the fetlock of her right foreleg, sliding it smoothly back and forth across the strings, swaying her head to the music that she was producing. "Prisoner. Stand." The mare stops and opens her purple eyes, setting aside her instrument and trotting towards the door where she gave a polite bow to the Princesses.
"Sergeant. Princess. Princess." She greeted in a smooth Canterlot accent. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Nothing much, we are only here to meet you. That is all."
"Really? May I ask why?"
"That is for us to know and you will soon find out after we meet the rest of your friends."
Suddenly the gray mare developed a sharp glare at Celestia. "Those ruffians are not my friends." She snarled. "Now out with it! Why did you interrupt me in the middle of a very elegant piece!"
"You will not use that tone of voice with us," Celestia scolded. "We are your rulers and you will show us respect." Luna could only look on helplessly as her older sister glared down at the Earth pony mare.
"Rulers! Hah!" The mare turned her expression into a sneer. "I've heard about the terrible job you two are doing. Now tell me, why should I show respect to two fuck mares who think they can run our country?"
This had an apparent effect on Celestia as her glare developed into a look of rage. "You miserable foal! I could have you banished to the farthest reaches of Equus! No, to Tartarus with banishment! I could execute you myself right now!"
"Go on!" The mare yelled, a few inches of bullet proof glass keeping her from the Princess. "See what happens when you open this door! I'll make you wish you were never even thought of!" For emphasis she slammed her hoof on the glass with a resounding 'boom'. "I dare you you stupid mother-" But that was all she had time to say as the guard slammed on the button before she could say anymore.
"Allow me to introduce Prisoner 234-801, Name: Octavia Melody aka 'The Gunny' and 'The Soloist'."
"Why does she have those names?"
"Because, she served in the EQ Army as a gunnery sergeant. According to witness accounts, she was much feared for her temper as you saw just now," He gestured to Octavia behind the glass, who let out a snort and went back to playing her cello.
"Hmm, here I was thinking that she was genuinely polite out of all these brash mares." Luna commented, pouting her lip.
"As for the 'The Soloist' part, back at the Battle of Big Hoof Ridge in the Grim Talon War, she was there along with about four other squads who were tasked with holding the ridge. After receiving heavy losses, her men fell back while she stayed behind. From what I heard she held the line herself for over an hour before reinforcements came in. When they arrived, it was said that she was bloodied up, sitting on a rock, playing a solo on her cello with a spent mini gun at her hooves, and the bodies of hundreds of Griffin soldiers surrounding her. Hence why they call her The Soloist. As for why she stayed behind? Some say she was doing it for her country. Others say that she did it just because she likes killing. Who knows?"
"How did she end up in here?" Celestia asked.
"She left the army because she claimed that she wanted to 'find new ways to make sweet music'. So she put herself out there as a soldier for hire, killing others for money instead of for a noble cause. She was caught and charged with transporting illegal substances, possession of firearms, murder, and I think rape as well. Though I'm not sure about the last one. Wait, she was put into solitary because she raped one of the inmates. Huh."
"Can we move on now?" Celestia asked impatiently. "We are on a tight schedule, Sergeant."
"Yes. Right this way." He led them back to the next cell on the other side, where a mare whose orange coat almost blended in with her jumpsuit. Her mane and tail golden blonde, both tied with bands. She was currently lounging on her cot, her hindlegs crossed and her forelegs behind her head as she napped. "Prisoner. Rise and acknowledge the Princesses." He turns off the intercom. "We have the least problems with this one. The orange mare with the freckles on her face rises from her bed and trots over to the cell door.
"Howdy Sarge. Your Highnesses." She greets in an Appleloosan drawl, nodding at each of them. "What can Ah do ya for?"
"Nice to meet you. We will be telling you why we are here later." She nods at the guard to turn off the intercom. The cowmare simply shrugs her shoulders and goes back to her cot. "Who is she?"
"Prisoner 256-095, Name: Applejack. She has several degrees in Civil Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, Automotive Engineering, Electrical Engineering, Computer Engineering, and even Software Engineering. She is, by all means a genius. After years of studying and learning, she enlisted in the army during the War of Stripes, where she put her vast knowledge of technology to use. She decided to have a more hooves on approach and served as field technician; she can repair any kind of machine in a jiffy and assemble them just as fast. There was one occasion here where she made a machine gun that fires rubber bands at 1000 feet per second made out of the pipes from the plumbing here. So yes, we moved her down here to keep the other inmates safe. Same as we do for all these degenerates in here."
"And how exactly does a smart mare like her end up in here?"
"Same way as these other mares. Turned to a life of crime, got caught in the middle of one, and here she is."
"I think this one looks pretty useful, Tia,"
"They all do, Luna" She turns to the guard. "How many more are there?"
"Only three more," He turns back to the other side of the cellblock. "If you'll follow me." They approach the next cell where a yellow coated mare with a long pink mane and tail and cerulean eyes. She was sitting on the floor in front of her bed playing with a mouse on her hoof. "This one does not talk much." He taps on the door with his baton and the mare right away stands and faces them. "This is Prisoner 205-670. Name: Fluttershy. Unlike most of these mares, she did not willfully enlist into the military, but rather she was drafted and taken to basic training." The mare kept kicking away at the ground with her hoof, refusing to make eye contact with the princesses.
"She seems as though she is trying not to look at us."
"Oh yes, she is extremely shy even with the guards." He shook his head. "And sometimes we have a hard time making her cooperate because she is scared all the time. But, the reason why we put her down here is because one of the inmates killed her pet mouse like the one she has now..." He pointed to the mouse that was now on her shoulder. "...Out of sheer brutality. After that, it was reported she went on a rampage, putting about seven inmates in the infirmary for about three weeks. So yes, you make her mad or threaten her, she will hurt you."
"Her abilities, Sergeant?"
"Oh, well after her reluctance into being conscripted into the army, she was known to be quite the marksman in her arms training. She was placed into sniper school where she learned to be a true sniper. Soon after, she was deployed into the field around the time of the War of Stripes, same as Rainbow and Applejack. In that war she had over 119 confirmed kills; all of them from over five hundred meters or further away. Even today she is renowned as Equestria's deadliest sniper."
"Aha, and the reason for her incarceration?"
"Like Ms. Octavia over there, she put herself up as a soldier for hire. More specifically, a hitmare. As a contract killer, she took out various targets for variable reasons. Either she killed somepony who was dead to a bookie. Or maybe somepony who just simply wanted somepony else dead. Eventually she was arrested, charged, tried, and sent here to live out her sentences. In fact, most of these mares have several life sentences to serve. However, I believe that she turned to contract killing because it was the only thing she knew. Who knows what she could've been?"
"Indeed. Next one?"
"Yes," They moved to the next cell, where a purple unicorn mare was laying down on her belly atop her bed, reading a book. Her mane and tail were a darker shade of purple with a pink and violet streak running through them. She was wearing red reading glasses as her eyes skimmed over the pages of the book. The guard commanded the mare to stand and face their rulers.
"Ah look! It is our fearless leaders come to visit me and my colleagues! I must say I am flattered that you would take time out of your schedule to come to our lovely home." The eccentric unicorn took off her reading glasses and uncovered her purple eyes. "Now please, what can I do for you?"
"We are only here to meet you, that is all," The mare simply pouted and went back to her book as the guard shut her up. "Who is she?"
"Meet Prisoner 289-626, Designation: Dr. Twilight Sparkle, PhD, MD. After spending earning her degrees in Arcane Medical Science, she enrolled into the army while the Grim Talon War was raging. They put her to use by commissioning her as a field surgeon. Her vast knowledge with healing spells made her a valuable asset. It was said they she could take an injured soldier on the verge of death and get him back out onto the field in a flash. After the war ended, she went back to regular doctoring at a hospital in Canterlot. But, she also suffered from PTSD like Major Heartstrings over there." He nodded back to where the minty mare was. "She went mad and started doing certain experiments."
"What kind of experiments?" Luna asked worriedly.
"I can't be sure, but whatever those experiments were, it caused her to lose her medical license and get a one way ticket to this prison. She still retains her medical skills, which is the exact reason why we moved her here."
"Why is that?" Celestia asked. "What did she do?"
"She uh, tried to perform heart surgery on her cellmate with rubbing alcohol and a spork. After that we don't allow her to use metal utensils anymore for any reason. Believe me, Princess. She may look harmless now, but if you turn her loose and allow to use her magic she is a viable threat."
"Good, very good," Celestia nodded. "Moving on?" The young guard nodded as well and turned them to the last occupied cell on the block.
"This mare, I'm afraid, is possibly the most deadly out of all these mares. Quite easy on the eyes, but she uses her looks to her advantage. Makes her look less conspicuous." The cell's inhabitant was a lovely snow white unicorn mare with a curled purple mane and tail; her eyes a dark a blue. She sat on her bed reading some sort of fashion magazine with a lit cigarette in her mouth. "Don't let her looks fool you. She is a stone cold killer. Prisoner!" He taps on the intercom, causing the mare to look up from her magazine. "Acknowledge the Princesses." The white mare simply nods towards the monarchs and goes back to reading.
"Her name?"
"She is Prisoner 258-746, Name: Rarity. Unlike most of these mares, she did not serve in the regular army or in any type of military. We know very little about where she got her training or whom she worked for. But what we do know is that she worked as an international spy for a spy ring that she told us is centered around Prance, but we have not found any evidence of their existence, which led us to believe that she was lying. We looked at her file and it stated that she goes by many aliases. The name Rarity being the most recent. We also found out that she's fluent in five languages. Including Zebra. Oh and she's also an expert in several disciplines of hoof to hoof combat and knife fighting as well.
"Hmm, interesting. How was she caught?"
"In her confessions, she was responsible for the assassinations of many Equestrian public officials. Including non-Equestrian officials as well. The one where we nabbed her, however, was her most famous assassination attempt: Prince Blueblood."
"I can understand why someone would want my nephew dead. He is not the most desirable stallion in the world. How did she go about trying to kill him?"
"Well, she has the uncanny ability to turn invisible at will and she can assume the form of anypony she sees. By eye witness accounts, she transformed into a waiter who was serving the Prince. It was only by sheer bad luck she got caught before she could go in for the kill, thanks to a security guard who, unbeknownst to her, could see through disguise spells. Of course, she tried to eat a cyanide pill like the good spy would do, but was stopped before she could do so. Not much else to say about her other than the fact that we moved her here for the safety of the other inmates. Much like these other maniacs."
"Very good. Well, Sergeant, I thank for you for showing me these wonderful mares. What I need you to do next is pull them out of their cells so we can have a meeting with all of them." Celestia ordered as she started to walk for the exit, Luna following suit.
"Uh, Princess!" She looked back at the guard. "With all due respect, Your Majesty, why do you wish to speak with all of them? I know that they have colorful histories, but I just want to know why? Not only that, but if you put them in a room together you are just asking for trouble."
Celestia sighed and shook her head. "What I am about to tell you, Sergeant, is classified above top secret. If you mention this to anyone, will know it was you. Understood?"
"Yes, Princess," He replied as he saluted her.
"If you are unaware, we are on the brink of yet another war. As we speak, our enemies are creating new weapons of war that are capable of killing hundreds of thousands of ponies and others. We cannot allow another war to be waged on our world. If we do, I fear that there will not be a world left for us at all. Everywhere, everyone is preparing for conflict and I fear that soon, our whole world will be at war. My sister and I have had nowhere else to turn to but here. The reason why I wish to speak with them, is because I have a proposition for every mare here!" She turns and heads towards the exit, Luna and the Sergeant following behind her. As they leave, the lights turn out once again, leaving the cell block dark. "And trust me, it will be something they cannot resist..."