Author's Note

This chapter has been separated in two. Part 1 is mostly story progression. Part 2 is almost entirely clop.
If you only want smut feel free to skip this part, but there will be a lot of things that won't make sense if you do.

Cheers.

03: The show must go on - Part 1

Princess Twilight was not a happy pony. Nay, she was livid, enraged, ticked off, wrathful… but mostly she was terminally embarrassed. She flew hurriedly over Ponyville, trying not to go too fast; she didn’t want to attract too much attention; not when she was so flustered.

There were a lot of annoying thoughts buzzing in her mind, most of them revolving around a certain changeling. The blush on her cheeks shone brightly as she remembered what had happened, just a few hours ago. The interrogation room, sergeant Vigilance, lieutenant Sweet Mercy, drone D20-2001 AKA Loneling... And of course the icky things she had to witness them doing. She grunted as she landed, her hooves hitting the ground just a tad too hard, leaving a shallow mark on the dirt roads of Ponyville.

“Stupid perverted changelings…” Twilight snorted as her tail swished from side to side. “I can’t believe I got so worked up.” She chewed on her bottom lip, grumbling. “Interrogation room too old *grumble grumble* poor seals around the one-way mirror *grumble grumble* not airtight enough *grumbliest of grumbles* pheromones.”

Her eyes twitched as she tried to convince herself that the changeling’s scent had been the only reason for her irrational reaction. Flying away in the middle of an investigation just so she could find Trixie? Preposterous. She didn’t even like the mare in that way. Sure, Trixie was pretty. Really pretty actually. Gorgeous really… Okay stopping now. And they did make up the last time Trixie had been in town, kind of. But that didn’t mean she was ready to throw herself at her, bend over at her request, call her mistress Great and Powerful, squeak like a submissive filly as Trixie strapped her to a…

Twilight shook her head with an irritated cry, stomping her pretty princess hooves in a cute little dance of revulsion. This was not happening. She was not going to reinforce the stereotype about serious librarians types were secretly big perverts. Not on her watch. She squared her shoulders, and took off in a resolute trot towards the police station. She also pointedly ignored the amused looks she was receiving from ponies all around; Ponyvilians were found of their princess’ antics.

A few instants later she burst through the dusty doors of the rundown police station, her crisp steps echoing around the empty hall. She gave a curt nod to the bored police officer behind the reception desk, the stallion responding with a lethargic wave as she marched past. She made a beeline for the detention center, putting on a cold mask of apathy. She paused in front of the observation room, took in a deep calming breath, and suddenly pushed the door aside.

“Okay listen up!” She barked, barging inside with her eyes shut in a severe frown. “I want to know a few things, and I want to know them right now!” She turned to face the interrogation room, making her eyes glow with power as she opened them. “Understood?”

Twilight stumbled in surprise, the power behind her irises going out instantly with a *pop*. The interrogation room was completely empty. Heart racing she ran to the changeling’s cell, hoping with all her might that she would find him there. But his room was empty, his comfy bed untouched, the facilities unused. Several scenarios raced through her mind: the changeling had escaped and was now roaming Ponyville; she had gone to the wrong cell; she was going crazy; Sweet Mercy had freed drone D20-2001 in a fit of pheromone induced love and the two of them were half way to Mexicolt by now. And they were probably going to take Trixie with them, like the selfish ponies they were.

She scrambled out of the room, her hooves shuffling madly under her. She practically flew down the corridor, images of the perverted changeling pouncing on her friends sending shivers down her spine, thinking about the way he could replace anypony and ruin their lives. She tried to ignore the other thoughts, the ones that showed Trixie and Sweet Mercy sprawled on a bed together, but she did file them for latter. In her haste she almost bowled over an older stallion going the opposite way, his grey mustache flapping mutely as his princess suddenly latched herself to the front of his uniform.

“Chief!” Twilight sputtered. “Changeling! Mercy! Vigilance!” She shook the old stallion urgently. “Gone!”

“Princess Twilight, please calm down.” The police Chief said with an exasperated sigh. Everyone on the force knew that their newest princess could be prone to… over reacting. They even had a special training for this very occasion: cover an officer in pastries, lock him up in a small room and throw a pissed off honey-badger inside. It was a surprisingly accurate facsimile. “The lieutenant and sergeant are still in the facilities. Everything is fine. Now please release me.”

“Oh thank Celestia!” Twilight breathed a sigh of relief, some of the tension leaving her body. She released the disheveled veteran with an apologetic grin. At least she didn’t have to deal with a rogue agent. But that still left a changeling missing. “Where are they now?”

“Erm…” The stallion hesitated, making the nervous alicorn fidget with her hooves, her ears splayed backwards. “Over there,” The Chief pointed “In the bathroom…” As soon as the words left his mouth, Twilight shot forward, flapping her wings like a hummingbird. “Wait! I don’t think you should go in right now…”

The rest of his desperate plea was lost on Twilight as she hurried towards the indicated direction. She had to know if the two officers had the changeling still secured, or if it had really escaped. Thinking back he really did seem too nice and helpful. A changeling warrior so polite and calm? Please. She should have seen through his charade. If somepony got hurt, it would be her fault. Celestia had trusted her with this task, and she would not fail her. She drifted around a corner and zeroed in on the bathroom sign ahead. Her ears perked up as she fluttered closer, and she stopped to listen. She could hear muffled voices coming from inside, speaking urgently.

“… -ean faster, before somepo…” That sounded like Mercy’s voice.

“… -ot helping then?” And that was definitely Vigilance. Twilight sneaked closer, pressing her ear against the door.

“Urg…” Mercy grunted, her voice strained. “Luna buck me sideways, I’m going to be sore for weeks…” Vigilance chuckled, his amused snorts barely reaching Twilight’s ears. ”Wipe that grin off your face! This is not funny!”

”Oh c’mon Mercy, you can’t possibly deny that you deserve at least some of this.” Vigilance snickered. ”I always thought you would get a good dose of karma one day, but I never thought it would be so ironic.”

”I’ll give you karma you numskull… If I ever manage to walk again…” Mercy gave a strained whinny, and Twilight frowned in concern. She almost sounded like she was in pain. ”I can’t take this anymore! I feel like we’ve been stuck like this for months!”

”It’s been a few hours at most you big baby.” Vigilance huffed, his smile clear in his tone of voice. Twilight was getting more and more confused: the stallion didn’t strike him as a pony who would be amused at someone else’s suffering, what was going on in there… And what was that noise? It sounded like somepony was dunking a mop into a bucket of water, before striking the tiles with a wet splat. ”At least you’ve been having fun all this time, while I clean up all this mess.”

”Stick a hoofball in your ass and leave it inside for hours, then come tell me how much fun you’re having!” Mercy snapped, before grunting in surprise. ”Luna damnit! He’s squirting again! Bad doggy! Bad!” Twilight’s eyebrows disappeared into her mane as the sounds of a dog whining echoed inside.

”Hey, don’t hit him! Poor puppy…”

”Puppy my flanks! Let. Me. Go. You. Stupid… Aaaah! He’s spurting even more!”

“Okay, that’s it.” Twilight had enough. She stood back and knocked on the door with all the authority she could muster. She waited for a couple of seconds, her ears perked forward, but the bathroom was completely silent. She knocked again, a little harder, making the door rattle. “Lieutenant, sergeant, I know you’re in there.” She heard a muffled filly-like *eep*, and Mercy cursed loudly. “Open the door right this instant!”

“Occupado!” Mercy shouted, her voice betraying some panic. Twilight barely heard the mare whispering furiously, the sloshing sounds of the mop redoubling in intensity.

“What’s going on in there?” Twilight tried to open the lock with a telekinetic push, but a burst of familiar green magic repelled her attempt. Her eyes widened; she knew that type of aura. “Is drone D20-2001 inside with you?” She tried a couple of magic-cancelling spells, but the charm holding the door locked resisted. It was actually a pretty interesting bit of spellwork, and if she was a little less aggravated she would be inclined to study it. But right now she was short on patience. “Open this door!”

”Sorry princess but… Uh…” Mercy fumbled with her words as she grunted. ”Damn it it’s leaking… Yeah! That’s it! There’s a huge sewage leak and we’re fixing it right now! It’s super gross in here, you don’t want to come in. Isn’t that right Vigie?”

“A leak… sure.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “What about the dog?”

“What dog?” Mercy laughed nervously. ”There is no dog in here, right guys?”

”Nope.” Vigilance said confidently.

”Ahroo.” The dog added helpfully.

“Right. I’m coming in.” Twilight’s horn glowed, preparing a short range teleportation.

For an accomplished mage like herself, cracking the magical lock would not take her very long, but she was out of patience. She ignored the panicked whispers coming from the other side, made sure her point of reentry was safe, closed her eyes and blinked out of existence. As soon as she reappeared she readied herself for anything, going over the many defensive spells she knew just in case, she knew enough shields and stunning spells to be prepared for anything. Putting on her mask of authority again, she opened her eyes… and almost teleported back out.

Mercy was telling the truth. There was no dog in the bathroom. Instead Twilight found herself almost nose to nose with a monstrous black wolf. The beast was huge, larger than a bear, a row of nightmarish teeth jutting from a jaw that could probably eat her whole, his yellow eyes glinting ominously; it looked like something straight out of Tartarus. And it was staring right at her, slightly crouched as if preparing to pounce on her. She backpedalled as far as possible from the black furred beast, her backside hitting the far wall. And that’s when the smell hit her. Strong, musky, bestial… and strangely arousing. She almost gagged, tears forming in her eyes, and she suddenly realized that she was standing in something warm and wet… and sticky… and white…

“What the hay?!” Twilight tore her watery eyes away from the wolf, and took stock of the state the bathroom was in. The whole floor was covered in a layer of some sort of pearly liquid, splashes of the stuff running down the walls. A towel had been stuffed against the door’s threshold to keep the sludge from spilling into the hallway. She then heard a squeak, and her gaze shot towards the origin.

Vigilance was standing on two legs in the opposite corner, looking like a bunny caught stealing carrots. The stallion was holding a mop in his paralyzed forelegs, the bucket next to him full of soapy water; it was clear she had interrupted him while he tried desperately to clean up this stinky mess. And holy Celestia did it have a strong odor. Twilight was getting light headed, the strong musky scent assaulting her delicate nose. Before she could begin to understand what she had stumbled into, a voice made her jump, her legs receiving a generous splash of white as she landed.

“Well, this is awkward.”

For a one panicked instant Twilight thought that the feminine voice was coming from the wolf, but a moment later she realized that there was somepony hidden beneath its shaggy black fur. She tilted her head to the left, looking beneath the panting canine, and Sweet Mercy stared back from between his legs. Her cheeks were flushed, but otherwise she didn’t seem hurt. The pegasus licked her lips, which were glazed with the same white substance. As was her face. And her mane. And her coat. Actually she seemed to be covered in the stuff.

“I did try to warn you.” Mercy said, appearing very calm and collected despite her burning cheeks. She didn’t even look preoccupied by the fact that she was being squished under the bulky frame of a giant wolf.

“Lieutenant, are you okay?” Twilight whispered urgently, trying not to agitate the beast. “Do you need help?” Her horn began to twinkle softly.

“No no, I don’t.” Mercy reassured quickly. She ran a hoof though the wolf’s shaggy fur. “He’s not dangerous.” She chuckled softly, smiling with humor. “He’s just a little clingy.”

“Hmm, princess?” Vigilance squeaked from his corner. “I think you should let us handle this.” He gulped, his hooves shaking around his broom handle.

“I’m not going to let you two alone with…” Twilight began, but Sweet Mercy grunted suddenly, interrupting her. Twilight gasped as the pegasus groaned loudly, and the wolf started whining softly. “What’s happening?!” She whispered urgently. She winced when Mercy was suddenly jerked forward, the mare biting her lips to avoid crying out. “What is it doing to you! What’s… Wait, is it humping you?”

“NaAAaah, of cOUrse nOt!” Mercy said, her voice unsteady as the wolf kept thrusting his hips. “It’s jUst plAying with mEEEE!” Her whole body was jolted one last time, and the wolf pressed himself closer. “Ooooh Luna…” Mercy panted, smiling happily. “That’s a big one!”

“What the hay are you…” Twilight began, before her eyes widened. She slowly looked away from the pair, eyeing the white sticky mess. She then looked back at Mercy, noticing her distended belly. “No… No way…” She was suddenly very aware that her hooves were drenched, her legs speckled with white all the way to her withers. She carefully lifted a fore-hoof from the sludge, watching with disbelieving eyes as the wolf spunk lazily dripped from her fur. “Sergeant?” she said softly.

“Yes your highness?” Vigilance squeaked, holding the mop like a teddy bear.

“Explain.” Twilight could almost feel her brain screaming while it doused itself with oil, scrambling to find a match; anything to escape this situation.

“Uuuh…” Vigilance’s eyes darted from the wolf mounting Mercy to Twilight, and he gulped. “Princess I… We… We were… Interrogating Loneling and we encountered…” He put on his best smile, trying to hide his shaking hooves. “…complications?”

“Really.” Twilight deadpanned. She looked back at Mercy, a sweet smile on her lips. “Lieutenant?” She intoned calmly, her sanity hanging on by a thread. “Care to explain yourself?”

“Hmmm…” Mercy opened her mouth, closed it, scratched her chin, opened it again, then blew a sticky strand of her mane out of her eyes. “Yeah, I got nothing.”

“And I’m guessing that this here is drone D20-2001.” Twilight stated as she looked at the panting wolf, her left eye starting to twitch, strands of her mane springing widely.

“Uh oh,” Vigilance whispered to his partner, just barely audible “code honey badger!”

“Now now, before you send us all to the moon,” Mercy spoke quickly, holding her hooves out in a placating gesture, “don’t blame my partner, this was my idea.”

“Oh I had guessed.” Twilight said trough gritted teeth, her horn beginning to shine.

“AND,” Mercy rushed to say, her calm façade cracking just a little. “I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for my actions!”

“I’m listening.” Twilight growled, making the wolf tilt its head curiously at her.

“Well you see…” Sweet Mercy propped herself on her elbows, and held her hooves in front of her. She looked Twilight in the eyes, and smiled confidently. “Pheromones.” She said simply.

“Pheromones?”

“Pheromones.”

“To the moon.”

“Phero… Wait what?”

“TO THE MOON!” Twilight shouted, stomping her hooves and inadvertently spraying spunk everywhere. “I swear to Celestia you ponies are all crazy!”

“Please don’t send my partner to the moon your highness!” Vigilance interjected in a panic. He discarded the mop and slid to a stop in front of Twilight, kneeling despite the mess. “She’s completely crazy, she doesn’t know any better!”

“Hey! You take that back!” Mercy barked indignantly. “The term is ‘clinically insane’, crazy is totally insensiti…”

“Enough!” Twilight erupted. “You!” She pointed to Vigilance. “You’re going to hire a cleaning service team courageous enough to fix this mess. Go!” The stallion saluted crisply then rushed outside, the magical lock opening without resistance from the inside. The door banged closed as he ran down the corridor, leaving white sticky hoof prints in his wake. “You!” Twilight pointed to Sweet Mercy. “You’re in big trouble Lieutenant. I can’t believe an officer of the law would act in this way. And you!” She finally pointed to the confused wolf. “Transform back right now!”

“Yeah, about that.” Mercy said with a sheepish grin.

“What?” Twilight looked from Mercy to the wolf’s eyes, and she froze. The beast was staring at her with the intensity of a predator, and his gaze held very little intelligence. She took a careful step back. “That’s not a real wolf, is it?” She said, fear creeping back into her voice.

“Nope, that’s Loneling alright.” Mercy gave the wolf an amused glance. “But he’s been stuck looking like this forever. As well as being stuck… In another way…” she winced as she tried to wiggled her hips, but the wolf only ground itself further into her, growling disapprovingly. “Something about losing himself to his animal instincts, changeling camouflage technique or whatever.”

“Fascinating…” Twilight stared at the wolf, her mind busy noting down new facts about changelings. She then shook her head, remembering she was supposed to be angry. “No matter. I know how to reveal changelings. Don’t move.”

“Wait princess, don’t…”

Before Mercy could get her warning out, Twilight fired her spell, the same spell she had used on a few changelings during the Canterlot attack. The wolf yipped in surprise, then his huge form was consumed by green fire, giving the bathroom an eerie glow as the changeling was burned down to his usual size. Sweet Mercy’s eyes bulged as the huge rugged knot inside her vanished, replaced by a slick ovipositor.

Which, of course, meant that all the pressured semen the wolf had packed into her wasn’t sealed anymore. Like champagne from an uncorked bottle, spunk erupted from Mercy’s womb, rushing around the softening ovipositor and squirting from her slit in an obscene geyser. The bestial seed splattered in heavy gushes on the wall behind her, showering both her and Loneling in another layer of white.

All the while Twilight could only watch with open mouth, horrified by the display, her mind boggling at the impossible volume of semen escaping Mercy’s womb. Her thoughts of volumetric incongruities were cut short as the pegasus shouted in pleasure, her face contorted in a mind-shattering orgasm as the last jets of spunk squirted from her cunt.

“Oh sweet Luna…” Mercy mumbled, her eyes crossed and tongue hanging out.

“Are… are you okay?” Twilight squeaked, frightened at the idea of having hurt her.

“Better than ever…” Sweet Mercy mumbled, trying to get up. Her strength seemed to fail her, and she let her body splash down again. The changeling draped across her back stirred with a groan. “Hey Loneling?” She called weakly.

“Hrrm…” Loneling answered, muzzle buried inside Mercy’s chestnut hair. He was still a little disoriented after Twilight’s spell.

“That was awesome. I’ll totally be your broodmare or whatever.” Mercy said happily, her head starting to dip to the side.

“I could have guessed form your post-coital happiness.” Loneling deadpanned, slowly lifting his wavering head from her mane. He shuddered as his soft ovipositor slithered out of her, one last gush of sperm escaping from her slit. “But it is nice to have your confirmation. Now how do ponies usually do this...? Ah yes.” He nuzzled the top of Mercy’s head gently, his wings extending, and he cleared his voice. “Sweet Mercy, my love.” He intoned, wings starting to buzz. Incredibly, the humming of his wings began to create a perfect rendition of ’Here comes the bride’… if it was played by a band of kazoos. “I swear on my life that I will be faithful to you, now and forever. No other mare will ever enjoy the touch of my ovipositor, and I promise to deposit as many broods as I can inside your…”

“Oh shut up you big lug.” Mercy grumbled sleepily. “You’re totally going to be my stallion, but who said anything about not having fun on the sides?” She laid her cheek on the cum stained tiles, her eyes closing.

“Oh, so this is an open relationship.” Loneling said matter-of-factly. “Duly noted. But I would request that…”

“Yeah yeah, no foals, I promise I’ll be careful. I already got your number, you clingy bugger.” She mumbled, a huge yawn making her jaw crack. “That will show my mother...” She said sleepily. “*Yawn*’ won’t find a good husband by sleeping around’ my flanks. *Hmm* Can’t wait to see her face when I tell her she’s going to be a grandmother of thirty…” Mercy snorted. She rambled incoherently some more, before finally succumbing to exhaustion. Her soft snores echoed around the room, occasionally blowing bubbles into the shallow layer of cum. Loneling gazed at his mate lovingly; his deadpan expression could almost be considered happy.

“I don’t know if I should find this cute or disgusting…” Twilight mumbled. “But you two weirdoes are definitely made for each other.”

“Thank you.” Loneling said, completely serious. He turned towards Twilight, then tilted his head, sniffing the air carefully. “Do you want any help with that?”

“With what?” The alicorn groaned. “The disgusting stuff all over my fur? The loss of my innocence? The mental scaring I’m sure to get from seeing a wolf… with a pony… Eew, gross gross gross!”

“No.” Loneling shook his head, the scathing sarcasm flying high over his head, keeping his compound eyes locked on Twilight. “I meant help with your blatant sexual repression, resulting in your current supercharged libido and obvious desire to mate. Although my pheromones might have something to do with your excessive production of vaginal lubricant.”

Twilight froze in place, her tail swishing swiftly to cover her privates, which to her great distress were very much soaked. Her arousal was leaking all the way down her legs, mixing with the wolf semen. She blushed bright red, and stared at the changeling with an outraged expression.

“Don’t worry, my mate has agreed to an open relationship.” Loneling informed helpfully. He took a step towards the thoroughly horrified alicorn, his ovipositor starting to reemerge. “Now tell me, what are your thoughts on carrying a changeling brood?”

*******

Vigilance crept slowly towards the eerily silent bathroom, slowly regaining his breath. Before he could touch the door Princess Twilight emerged, an aggravated frown on her face. She seemed a little surprised to see the stallion there, and rounded up on him.

“Already back?” She said suspiciously. “What about the cleaning crew?”

“Already on their way.” Vigilance gulped audibly.

“Oh. That was fast.” Twilight relaxed, then sighed deeply, a lot of her tension ebbing away. “Thanks for your swiftness mister Vigilance, and sorry if I was a little snippy. This whole situation is… unconventional.”

“No problem Princess.” Vigilance smiled softly. “We’re used to Mercy’s shenanigans in the station, we have a cleaning service on hoof for just this kind of occasion. Although they might want a raise after this…”

“I can imagine.” Twilight grumbled at the white stains marring her lavender fur, and tried to breathe through her mouth.

“Hmm… Are Mercy and Loneling… Did you…” Vigilance fidgeted uncomfortably. “I mean, I know you wouldn’t send them to the moon over this… Would you?”

“No, no of course not.” Twilight huffed with a strained smile. “Though I might take a little vacation there after this. The lieutenant and the prisoner are inside… unconscious. They were very tired apparently.” She tried not to feel bad about hiding the truth, but technically it wasn’t a lie. The fact that she had bonked the changeling over the head with the bucket was just a detail.

“They did strain themselves quite a bit.” Vigilance chuckled half heartedly, before shivering. “You wouldn’t happen to have a memory erasing spell on hoof, would you?”

“Even if I did, I wouldn’t use it. It would be highly unethical to do so.” Twilight scrunched her face. “Even if it is very tempting right now.” She sighed again, then looked the stallion in the eyes. “Sergeant I want you to bring the prisoner back into interrogation. I’m going home to freshen up, then I will be back in an hour to continue our session. And I will be the one asking questions this time.”

“Very well.” Vigilance hesitated, then asked. “What about Mercy?”

“Send her to the hospital to make sure she wasn’t hurt in her… activities.” She winced at the memory, strongly reconsidering her stance on memory spells. “I’ll leave the Chief to decide what sort of punishment she’ll face for her gross negligence of duty.”

“Oh, thank you princess.” Vigilance exhaled, relieved. “I thought you were going to ask for her badge, and maybe send her to the slammer.”

“Maybe I should do just that, maybe that’s what a princess should do. But I really don’t like punishing ponies.” Twilight mumbled. She then added under her breath “I prefer to be the one punished.” Her eyes widened, clapping her mouth shut with a *click*. Did she just say that out loud? She and Vigilance stared at each other for a long uncomfortable moment, before the stallion gulped.

“I didn’t hear anything.” He assured, even as his mind echoed with Sweet Mercy’s voice: ‘I bet she likes it rough… I bet she likes it rough… I bet she likes it rough…’

*******************

Ponies are strange. No no, I assure you miss Sparkle, I am not insulting you. I am merely stating the fact that your species is genuinely perplexing in its inconsistence. Almost to the point of being systematically illogical. Wait, let me explain. When you encounter a gryphon, you know he will try to empty your pockets. When you meet a minotaur, you know he will try to intimidate you with his strength. When you find a dragon, you know you are about to be eaten. When you are captured by changelings… well at least your last moments will be more enjoyable than with the dragon.

But when you meet a pony, you don’t know anything, and must prepare for everything. He could hug you just as easily as he could knock you out with a frying pan. How your species has ever managed to form a stable society, I will never know. Yes yes, I’m getting to the point. As I was saying, my fortunate meeting with Trixie was instrumental in my understanding of the irrational nature of ponies. I come with open arms and extended genitals, and she greets me with hostility. Madness, I tell you. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you miss Sparkle?

Anyway, she was very displeased by my gift of a changeling brood, something that still baffles me, and she made a point of expressing her disapproval. With extreme prejudice. I had learned from Mother that you can find pleasure in anything, even in pain, and Trixie was obviously of the same mindset. I just wished she was less liberal when it came to using her whip. She certainly wasn’t gentle on the day following our meeting; the sun wasn’t even up and she was already riding me.

I groaned as the leather bindings squeaked against my carapace, a bridle clicking against my teeth everytime I breathed. My military training had prepared me for all kinds of physical strains, but I have to say that this was putting my poor hips to the test. And to make things worse, anytime I slowed down I could hear Trixie cracking her whip above me, accompanied with her haughty taunts.

“What’s the matter, tired already?” *Snap* “A few hours and you’re already stalling?” *Snap* “Pathetic!” *Snap* “You are the weakest stallion Trixie has ever seen!” *Snap* “My father could go all day without stopping once! Now that was a stallion that could get the job done, and he had to deal with me and my mother at the same time! Why, that one time when Trixie was a filly…”

*******************

“Stop stop stop!” Twilight squeaked, hiding her eyes behind her hooves. “I don’t want to know that!” Vigilance nodded in agreement, looking a little green.

The three of them were back in the interrogation room, only this time Twilight had opted to join them instead of staying in observation. She had decided to sit facing the changeling, while vigilance took the side of the table, hoping she could coerce Loneling into behaving. A quick spell around him made sure he could not influence her with his pheromones, but of course Loneling had found a way to embarrass her anyway. The harassed alicorn levitated the jug of water sitting in the middle of the metal table, filling her cup before downing it. Her mouth was very dry, for some reason.

“Oh?” Loneling tilted his head to the side as Twilight refilled her glass, the slight bump on his head shinning green. “You explicitly asked for details on my travels with Trixie.” The changeling blinked slowly. “I am only being thorough by starting at the beginning.”

“But can you try not to be so disgusting all the time?” Twilight gave an exasperated sigh. Her ears were splayed back, twitching madly.

“I don’t understand.” Loneling fixed Twilight with a cold expression, the two of them staring at each other across the interrogation table.

“I want to know about your travels, not the… Icky details.” Twilight gagged, shuddering in her seat.

“I still don’t see what you are referring to.” Loneling kept perfectly still, never showing any emotion.

“Trixie doing… that with her father?” Twilight winced, looking like she had bitten on a lemon. “I could have gone all my life without knowing about it!”

“I am very confused as to what you are…”

“Hold on.” Vigilance scooted closer to the metal table, the stallion sitting on the changeling’s right. He leaned over the table, looking at him closely. There was an almost imperceptible furrowing on Loneling’s brow. “What were you doing in those leather straps?”

“We know very well what he was doing.” Twilight rolled her eyes at the stallion. “He was…”

“Pulling Trixie’s wagon.” Loneling confirmed. He didn’t move as Twilight slowly turned to stare at him, eyes narrowed. “What did you think I was doing?”

“Thought so.” Vigilance snorted. “I’m starting to get you,” he said happily “you’re not as emotionless as you seem, uh?”

“I was raised to please, not to express myself.” Loneling deadpanned. “The Queen’s guard must have discipline over their features when in public, it is tradition.” His lips quivered. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t feel.” He then pointed at Twilight. “Your princess hit me with a bucket. Back at the hive this would be considered assault. Frankly I am shocked and appalled that a member of your royalty would be so barbaric.”

“… I swear to Celestia,” Twilight breathed, exasperated. “you changelings are the most aggravating creatures I have ever come across.”

“Only ’aggravating’?” Loneling raised a dubious eyebrow. “I honestly hope you never meet my mother again, or that opinion might change.”

“Now now, let’s stay on topic.” Vigilance tried to appease both parties, noting that Twilight’s eyes were twitching madly. “How about you skip ahead a little, please?” He put on his best smile, giving the changeling a hopeful glance.

“Very well.” Loneling cleared his voice, and narrated once again.

*******************

After a few days of arduous travel, we finally left the muddy path I had found Trixie on and reached firmer ground. No more mud holes to be bogged down constantly. I don’t know what Trixie had been doing in the Hayseed Swamps, but she seemed glad to leave the place behind. I was mostly thankful I didn’t have to listen to her ranting about the untrustworthy nature of wheels anymore.

We made good progress once we were on the main road, and we would reach Dodge Junction the next day. The prospect was a boon for Trixie’s mood. She had managed to maintain her sullen attitude for days, but I was starting to see cracks in her pouty exterior. She had asked me about my hive earlier, and she had forgotten to be overly critical when I explained our customs; she even giggled a couple of times. She just sat atop the caravan roof, listening to my stories, her whip all but forgotten.

Usually we would travel until darkness fell, but today we stopped just as the sun was starting to set. Trixie found a good spot to set the caravan for the night, and I hauled the wagon off the road obediently. She grumbled when I asked her why we had stopped so soon, and for once she didn’t tell me off for questioning her decisions. She just declared haughtily that we had covered enough ground for today, and that she had decided I had earned to rest. She did snap at me when I told her she was cute when she blushed, but even the way she insulted me was half hearted.

Diner was a quiet affair, Trixie finding nothing to criticize in my cooking. It was actually a little unnerving, especially the way she avoided looking at me. I could tell she was trying to say something, but whenever she opened her mouth, she just blushed and grumbled, seeming mad at herself. It was only much later, when I was clearing a patch of grass under a tree to set up my sleeping bag, that she came to me, ears splayed back and tail wagging urgently. I have to admit that her request was… unexpected. But far from unwelcome.

“Are you sure?” I asked, pausing just before her entrance. I looked into her eyes, making sure I was allowed to go in. “You have been very clear before, I thought you didn’t want me to penetrate your…”

“Trixie knows what she said!” The unicorn avoided my gaze for a few instants, but then she looked back, her usual steely stare returning. “Now, stop wasting my time already, and do it! Trixie is already dripping wet!”

“Very well.” I nodded, squaring my hooves. In one fluid motion I was in, and I couldn’t help but shiver in pleasure: it was so warm, so inviting… Trixie groaned, urging me deeper inside, and I…

*******************

“Oh for Celestia’s sake!” Vigilance interrupted, red in the face.

“Yes?” Loneling said innocently. “What seems to be the problem, officer?”

“You know very well what the problem is!” the stallion nodded to Twilight, the alicorn having faceplanted on the table, hiding under her wings.

“I don’t understand what…”

“Okay, cut to the chase.” Twilight reemerged from her feathery blanket, blushing profusely. “Were you having sex with Trixie?”

“Of course not.” Loneling remained stoic as the two ponies groaned in unison. “The sky was very cloudy, and Trixie had taken pity on me when she realized it would rain all night.” He shrugged. “She asked me to join her inside the caravan, but not before the rain had already started. She almost had to push me inside since I expected it was trick, and she ended up completely drenched.”

“I’m guessing she made you pay for it?” Twilight grumbled, wings twitching lightly.

“Obviously.” Loneling nodded. “While she was getting more friendly, she was still Trixie.”

“So,” Vigilance leaned forward, a smile tugging at his lips. “did she let you be the little spoon?”

“Not before a few days later, after we left Dodge Junction. Then I quickly became her changeling teddy bear; it was very nice having her holding me as we slept.” Loneling ignored the amused snort from the stallion, focusing instead on the twinge of confused jealousy he felt from Twilight. His eyes narrowed slightly, analyzing the information. His lips twitched. “Trixie was not very comfortable at the idea of sharing her bed at first, but she warmed up to the idea after some… persuasion.”

“Here it comes…” Twilight grumbled as Loneling cleared his throat.

*******************

My hooves grabbed her sides, trying to hold her still. Trixie tried to squirm away from my ministrations, but I just pressed deeper, and she finally relaxed. I could finally work my magic, and before long she was putty in my hooves. Her breath kept hitching in her throat everytime I hit a sore spot, and she exhaled when I worked the kinks out. I caressed her gorgeous body, humming in appreciation as the mare writhed on her bed. Her satisfaction tasted positively divine. I had told her I was a professional, and now was my chance to prove it.

“Ooooh, Loneling!” Trixie cried out, her voice making the caravan windows rattle. Her back arched as pleasure coursed through her body. “Yes! That’s the spot! Service the Great and Powerful…”

*******************

“Let me guess.” Twilight sighed, holding her head with a hoof, a bored expression on her face. “You were giving her a massage?”

“Affirmative.” Loneling nodded. The alicorn huffed, rolling her eyes. She levitated her cup to her muzzle, taking a swig. “I was massaging her genitals with my tongue.”

“WHARGL *hack*!” Twilight sputtered, coughing uncontrollably. Water squirted from her nose as Vigilance gently patted her back. The stallion gave the changeling a look that screamed ‘really bro?’

“Come one Loneling,” Vigilance implored, pouting as Twilight whizzed. “I didn’t think you would be the kind to hold a grudge like that.”

“Really?” Loneling deadpanned, starring at the stallion. “You do know who my mother is, right?”

“Well, that’s no excuse for…” The stallion began, but Twilight interrupted him.

“Uuurg!” She growled between her teeth. “That’s it, I’m done.” Her horn sparkled with power and she took aim, straight at Loneling’s forehead. “No more innuendos!”

“I presume this is the part where you welcome me to Harmony by blasting a hole in my head?” Loneling didn’t even flinch, staring blankly at the alicorn. “How typical.”

“Princess?” Vigilance didn’t dare move, his eyes wide. “What are you…”

“Simplifying my life!” Twilight stated. In the next instant she let her spell fly.

Vigilance inhaled sharply, then leaped towards Loneling, trying to save him. But he was too late. Before he could push him out of the way the magical beam struck home, right between Loneling’s eyes. The stallion almost shouted in panic as Loneling’s head whipped back, and he actually cried out when a splatter of green ooze splashed on the wall behind the limp changeling. Twilight’s spell really had blasted a hole into his head, the remains of his brain oozing on the wall.

Silence fell in the interrogation room, Vigilance’s panicked breathing getting louder and louder. The stallion was frozen in place, looking at Loneling’s body, his mouth open in a silent scream. He flinched when Twilight spoke again, sounding completely unremorseful.

“There, that should do the trick.” She said proudly.

She eyed the green gunk smeared on the wall with interest, then stuck her tongue out as she meticulously spread it around with her magic, making an even surface. She nodded in satisfaction when she had completely covered the surface of the wall, then finally noticed the horrified stare Vigilance was giving her.

“What?” She fidgeted, unnerved. “It was the most efficient way to deal with him.”

“How… How could you…” Vigilance stammered, his gentle soul shaken to its core.

“Oh, is this about the wall?” Twilight brightened, her ears perking up. “Don’t worry, this stuff will evaporate when we are done.” She turned to the slumped changeling, huffing. “As for you, I’m really sorry it had to come to this, but you left me no choice.”

“For once, I won’t deny you are right.” Vigilance almost jumped out of his fur when Loneling spoke, the changeling slowly straightening back up. Loneling blinked furiously as he massaged his brow, clearly disoriented. “Although I would note that you ponies have a worrying habit of aiming at my head.”

“Well at least you shouldn’t feel any pain this time.” Twilight eyed the changeling curiously, her horn glowing. “I’ve only used this spell on myself until now. The way it interacted with you is… interesting.”

“I’ll say.” Loneling stole a glance behind him, tilting his head at the wall covered in changeling resin. His horn shone brightly, wings quivering with interest. “A projection spell…” His eyes widened, clearly impressed. “Linked to my mind?”

“Precisely.” Twilight smirked. “From now on we will look at your memories, instead of having you narrating everything.”

“Fascinating.” Loneling narrowed his eyes, and the green goo covering the wall suddenly lit up, just like a projection screen in a cinema. Images flashed in quick successions, showing various scenes of Loneling’s life, before settling on a particular memory.

“Oooh, is that a changeling nursery?” Twilight’s eyes sparkled at what she saw, her thirst for knowledge overpowering her aggravation towards Loneling. “Are those eggs? They are so small! Wait, that one is cracking open… Oh my gosh infant changelings are so cute!” She gushed.

“Yes, they are.” Loneling smiled, actually smiled, at the memory. It was short lived, lasting no longer than two seconds, but it was there. “You are watching my first brood hatching, one of my happiest memories.” He pointed to a changeling buzzing around the eggs, nuzzling the foals that had already hatched. “And that would be me. I was very unprofessional on that occasion, a crazed father if I ever saw one, but at least the mother didn’t hold it against me.”

“Wait, mother, you don’t mean…” Vigilance began, but he stopped as the image followed the hysteric changeling. Deeper in the nursery they could see a large figure lying on her side. She was clearly female, beautiful and terrible, as tall as Princess Celestia. As Loneling got closer they could see that she was wearing a tired smile, revealing her wicked fangs. Vigilance had never seen her, but he could only guess that this was…

“Chrysalis.” Twilight confirmed in a growl. The alicorn’s feathers ruffled agitatedly as the changeling queen eyed the eggs around her, an incongruous motherly smile on her dangerous muzzle. Chrysalis then winced and laid back, parting her hind legs wide, revealing her transparent belly and the few eggs still inside then… The scene suddenly disappeared, leaving the screen blank. “Hey!” Twilight whined, looking at Loneling accusingly. She was very much aware that she was witnessing an undocumented occurrence, and her scientific mind was burning for more.

“Sorry, but what happens next is a little personal.” Loneling shrugged. “I already intruded on Mother’s privacy by showing you this much.”

“She didn’t care much about my brother’s privacy when she impersonated his fiancée.” Twilight grumbled unhappily, staring back at the screen.

“If it makes you feel any better, Mother is very picky with her mates.” Loneling scratched his chin “Your brother should be proud he was allowed to mount her so many tim…” The changeling recoiled as somepony hit his leg, and he leveled a curious look at Vigilance. “What?” Loneling inquired. “It’s true! It’s not often Mother will commend a lover like she did Shinning Armor, praising his skill, stamina and girth… Will you stop hitting me already?”

“I think it’s time we go back to your travels.” Vigilance urged, giving a glance to the blushing alicorn. Twilight nodded frantically, seeming to want nothing more than for the ground to just open up and swallow her. “How about you tell us… I mean show us what happened when you arrived at Dodge Junction?”

“Very well.” Loneling sighed, still mystified by the way ponies went crazy over the smallest things. He hopped off his chair, then dragged it to sit next to Twilight, facing the impromptu screen. Twilight shuddered at his proximity, but otherwise didn’t object. “Now, where should I start… Ah yes, I think this should do it.”

*******************

Night had fallen on the desert settlement, the moon barely shining through the dense cloud cover. A few tumbleweeds rolled past, but other-ways all was still. But Trixie wasn’t fooled, she knew this was not over. She panted heavily, her blue fur covered in dirt and splinters, and she looked around carefully. A ray of moonlight was suddenly obscured, an ominous shadow flying overhead, too fast to be seen clearly. Trixie spun to face the danger, but it disappeared into the night before she could do anything but get a glimpse.

“Stop hiding!” Trixie snarled, her horn sparking dully, before going out completely. She winced, but still remained defiant. “Come and face the Great and Powerful Trixie!”

She yelped and dove for cover as a crimson ray of magic lanced at her from the obscured sky, and she rolled to avoid a second blast. Growling, the unicorn got to her hooves, hissing when she put too much weight on her injured leg. She dusted her tattered cape, then tilted her torn hat back. She stared challengingly at the shadows overhead.

“Trixie should have known you would use your new wings to your advantage.” She spat, rubbing her hoof against her mouth, wincing when her leg came back with a smear or crimson on her cyan fur. “Coward!” She snarled. “Where are you?!”

“Here.” A voice whispered from the shadows, just behind her. Trixie twirled around widely, but she was too slow to avoid the attack.

The angry red beam exploded against her side, taking her off her hooves. She cried out as she was thrown to the ground, her hat flying off her head as she rolled with the force of the attack. Trixie whimpered in pain, but she still found the strength to stagger to her hooves, facing her opponent. The dark figure emerged into the moonlight, horn glowing red, wings spread wide, and muzzle stretched in a victorious smirk.

“Sparkle…” Trixie growled, limping back as her nemesis approached.

“Lulamoon.” Twilight answered simply, chuckling softly.

The two of them circled each other slowly, the unicorn ragged and limping, the alicorn tall and regal. Trixie panted heavily, wincing whenever she took a step, while Twilight watched on with a haughty smile. Suddenly, the alicorn lunged, pinning her exhausted opponent to the ground. Trixie cried out, but she was silenced when Twilight gently placed a hoof on her lips.

“Shush, stop squirming, you’ll only hurt yourself.” Twilight said softly. She eyed the mare underneath her, her gaze lingering on her injured leg, the scorch mark on her side and the crimson smear on her muzzle. “You know you cannot defeat an alicorn, admit defeat Trixie.”

“Never!” Trixie snapped, pushing the lavender hoof away. She tried to ignite her horn, but her blue magic sputtered and died with a *fizz*. She cried in pain, clutching her horn as tears ran from her cheeks.

“I command you for your bravery, but you cannot fight anymore. You are beaten, this is my victory.” Twilight declared, stepping away. The alicorn spread her wings, looking at the sky, and with a powerful beat Twilight was airborne. She was lost in the night in a matter of seconds.

“No… Come back here!” Trixie snarled, pawing at the ground as she crawled after the alicorn. “I’m not done yet!”

“Heal your wounds, learn from your mistakes. You are quite obviously the most powerful unicorn I have ever met, but will have to do better if you want to reach me.” Twilight’s voice echoed from the darkness. “I am sure you will be a match for me one day, but not your time is yet to come. You are a worthy opponent Trixie, I will remember you. Until we meet again.”

Trixie screamed into the night, venting her rage and pain, before she finally collapsed. She remained immobile, a lone figure amongst the silent shadows, her cape softly fluttering in the wind. Then, as if someone had set off a thousand fireworks, the night exploded with an explosion of sounds. Cheers, applause, the stomping of hundreds of hooves and the merry jingle of bits hitting floorboards. Light flooded the town, street lights being reignited all at once. The warm halo from the gas lamps illuminated the stage sprouting from the side of the silver caravan, and the impressive crowd around it.

Trixie stood in the middle of the stage, posing proudly on top of the wooden floorboards as bits and flowers rained around her. With a flourish of her magic she grabbed her tattered hat from the ground and saluted the crowd, earning another round of applause.

“Thank you all!” Trixie shouted over the clamor, trying not to smile too much. “You have been a great audience!”

She twirled her cape theatrically, before setting off a series of smoke bounds hidden beneath the floor boards. The crowd went wild as she disappeared, and Trixie couldn’t help but giggle in ecstasy as she rushed to her caravan under the smoke cover. She dove through an open window, laughing as she tumbled inside. She could still hear the cries of adoration even as the window was hurriedly closed, the stomping making the floor of her caravan vibrate. She squealed in happiness again.

“I think we may have started a riot.”

Trixie laughed out loud, giving ‘Twilight’ an amused glance. The alicorn was staring out the same window, eyes narrowed. The lavender mare was suddenly consumed by green fire, transforming back to his usual self. Loneling shook his head, completely baffled by the chaos outside.

“They are just happy.” Trixie reassured with a wide grin.

“Yes, I can feel that.” Loneling deadpanned, rubbing his stomach. “But I’m fairly certain that ponies don’t usually celebrate by hurling pies at each other.”

“Oh stop worrying.” Trixie huffed with good humor. “It’s just a tradition that comes from a town not too far from here.”

“You ponies are so strange.” Loneling winced when somepony was tossed through a window, a salt-lick between his hooves. “Pure madness.”

“Tell me about it.” Trixie shook her head, trying to get the dirt out of her silvery mane. She gave the changeling a light shoulder tap. “You weren’t half bad out there, you followed the script to the letter; I almost believed you were Sparkle for a minute.”

“Complimenting a changeling on acting seems redundant. Especially when impersonating someone they are familiar with.” Loneling brought a hoof to his muzzle, stifling a loud burp.

“Enjoying the meal?” Trixie said with amusement, hanging her cape and hat on their rack.

“Very much so.” He confirmed. Loneling scratched his chin pensively. “Changelings helping ponies with theatrical presentations, I really should bring this idea back to my hive.”

“After you’re done helping me.” Trixie huffed, stretching her sore limbs. She eyed the slight bump in her belly with annoyance. “Don’t forget that you owe me.”

“Yes yes.” Loneling sighed, his horn glowing. Outside, the stage began to unfold, the wood planks glowing green as they were swiftly tucked away under the caravan. In a matter of seconds the platform was gone, as were the many bits ponies had thrown them, the coins slipping by a crack in the window. “I don’t see the problem really.” Loneling tilted his head, sizing the bag of coins he had collected. “Your cape is wide enough to hide your gravid state, and my eggs don’t hinder your movements.” He deposited the bag in Trixie’s safe, the coins hitting the empty chest noisily. “Furthermore I must note that I didn’t lay as many eggs as I could have, which is fortunate considering their destination…”

“Oh shut up and help me clean this off. You take the fun out of everything, you’re worst than my boss back at the rock farm.” Trixie nagged, rubbing the fake blood she had spread on her leg and muzzle, the sticky liquid clinging to her fur.

“Told you it would stain.” Loneling shook his head, sighing. He levitated a sponge from the little sink in the corner. “I’m sure ponies would love your little fiction even if you didn’t cover yourself in ketchup.”

“Fiction? How dare you!” Trixie fumed, holding her soiled hoof towards her companion. “Ask any of these ponies, Trixie’s duel with Sparkle really happened; it’s a known fact! My hat and cape barely survived our epic battle!” She grumbled as the changeling rubbed the sponge on her muzzle gently, an unconvinced look on his face. “Okay, I may have altered a few details…” She narrowed her eyes as Loneling snorted in derision.

“Sure.” He gave her muzzle a once over, then nodded in satisfaction, turning to her leg. “And the fact that Miss Sparkle wasn’t an alicorn at that time…”

“As I said, details.” Trixie growled.

“Also from the information we have on Miss Sparkle, I doubt she would have…”

*******************

“Actually,” Loneling interrupted the projection, halting it on an image of Trixie about to bop the changeling on the head. “now that I have actually met you, I’m not so sure.” He eyed the surprised alicorn at his side, Twilight having been engrossed by the memory. “Did you really throw Trixie through a wall?”

“Of course not!” Twilight stood up, glowering at Loneling with indignation.

“How about the pile driver from the sky?”

“I didn’t hurt her at all!” She fumed, ears twitching in agitation. “I would never hurt anypony like that!”

“Uh uh.” Loneling deadpanned, tilting his head, letting the bump on his noggin clearly visible. “You don’t say.”

“That… That was different!” Twilight sputtered, her righteous anger deflating instantly.

“Because I’m not a pony?” Loneling tilted his head the other way, genuinely curious.

“No!” Twilight flailed with her hooves. “I panicked! If you weren’t coming closer with your thingy pointed at me I would never have…”

“You didn’t seem to mind blasting us into the sky back at the wedding.”

“You were attacking Canterlot!”

“Trixie was attacking Ponyville.”

“I… I don’t…”

“And aren’t you responsible for the destruction of several acres of the White Tail Woods?”

“I was fighting Tirek!”

“Guys!” Vigilance interrupted, clopping his hooves loudly. Both Loneling and Twilight turned to him, one with a neutral expression and the other flustered. He focused on the changeling. “Loneling, Twilight is one of the most caring ponies you can find, and she has never differentiated between species. She was the only one in Ponyville to give Zecora a chance.” Twilight blushed brightly at the compliment, squirming in her chair cutely as she examined the table closely. “And I was here when Trixie took over the town, and I can guarantee nopony was hurt.”

“Very well.” Loneling nodded. “I have to admit that Trixie has a way of making her lies very believable, so please excuse my doubts.”

“Speaking of which, just how far did you and Trixie go with your little act?” Twilight grumbled, smoothing her ruffled wings.

“Oh, not too far.” Loneling scratched his chin, as Twilight sighed in relief. “We just went from Dodge Junction to Baltimare, Fillydelphia, Hollow Shades, then we had to run from Trixie’s creditors back to the south where we performed in Appleloosa, a couple of buffalo communities, Los Phoenixes, Applewood…”

“That’s almost half of Equestria!” Twilight screeched, wings puffing up instantly.

“Well yes, but then again Equestria is not that big.” Loneling shrugged.

“I hope ponies didn’t take your show too seriously.” Vigilance said worryingly, patting the agitated alicorn on the shoulder.

“Some certainly did.” The changeling turned to the screen, where the image of a heavy looking book appeared. The cover featured an artistic rendition of Twilight, clad in battle armor, yielding a giant battle axe. The words ‘Twilight, warrior princess’ were scrawled above it. “The First chronicles of Sparkle the Legend should be hitting the shelves any day now.”

“Somepony wrote a book… About me?” Twilight stared wide eyed at the screen, her whole face twitching.

“The author gave us a rough draft of his work back in Applewood.” Loneling nodded. “He was confident that the adventures of Twilight Sparkle and her cursed axe will rival the Daring Doo books. From the quality of his work I’m inclined to share his optimism.”

“I don’t know how to feel about this…” Twilight whispered, both horrified and elated at the same time.

“Oh I’m sure you will love them.” Loneling said with confidence, before narrowing his eyes. “As long as the author doesn’t get too inspired by what happened in Los Pegasus…”

“Why?” Vigilance leaned forward, looking under Twilight’s extended wings. “What happened?”

“My partnership with Trixie was concluded in a rather… unique fashion.” Loneling cleared his throat, tapping his hooves, seeming almost uncomfortable. Twilight was about to ask more, when the screen flashed again, and a memory was displayed.