Frequently Asked!

by overlord-flinx

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1140

Frequently Asked, where our hostess brings ponies on to -what else?- ask the frequently asked!

Welcome to the (now hit) talk show 'Frequently Asked' where we ask everyone's favorite ponies or whatevers questions that we can't ask them in person. A completely biased–UNbiased show where everything gets a fair shake by the help of our lovely hostess Fox Trot. If you're lucky, you may even be able to fit in a question or two yourself… just as long as Fox Trot always gets the spot light.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-23 16:34:01 UTC

Prologue: Hot Trot Dot.

Lights searching a stage. The rumble of a slurring drum scale. The collective chatter of everything in the pitch black lit audience. This is what the atmosphere was for this electrified affair. But that alone wasn’t it as the lights skimmed over the center stage where three chairs had been set up, one far superior in upholstery to the other two. Ever so often the lights would skim over that chair, and for a brief second a shape would come into sight. A mare, or perhaps a stallion sitting itself in that cushy seat as the drum roll grew louder and more audible.

Finally at the sound of a jarring rim shot, the two spot lights stopped simultaneously on that single chair to bask that pony their glorious light. The audience hooted and hollered at the sight and grew only more rambunctious when the pony waved a single hoof at the audience with a charmingly sick smile. “Mares and colts alike,” the pony spoke, cueing that she was indeed a mare with her slick tone, “Welcome to the show. I am your graceful hostess, Fox Trot!” she introduced, knowing full well that the audience knew who she was; who didn’t?

After a moment of basking in the applause she summoned up a bit of magic from her crimson horn to signal the sign above to switch from “Pour your amazement of Fox Trot out on her” to “stop so we can start this”. “Thank you, thank you,” rounding off the last bits of claps and cheers Fox Trot let the last moments die out before continuing. “Now I know you all love me and want to see more of me, but we’re not here for that surprisingly. No, we’re here for our fantastic and magniferrific new show. What’s that little show called?” once more her horn flickered with a crimson glow and switched the sign above to change to say “say the title!”.

“Frequently Asked!” the majority of the audience yelled at the hostess’ command.

“That’s right everypony and whatever else is out there!” Fox Trot congratulated, “This is ‘Frequently Asked’, where we –what else?- ask the frequently asked. But who are we asking I ask you? Well, who else?” a smug grin cut across Fox Trot’s face as her horn sparkled with its red light.

From the wall to the back of the stage appeared a massive sheet that another spotlight honed in on to reveal dozens of ponies and other creatures’ faces plastered across it, each with varying sizes and positions that obviously had a bias to who was to have more focus. Back at Fox Trot’s seat, the unicorn had a ruby red dart floating near her luxurious ginger mane. “Ap to Ze, we’ve got everyone’s favorite ponies or whatevers up there. But how to pick who goes first?” her eyes darted to her own dart before playfully bobbing it towards the sheet. “Simple. I throw this dart so we randomly get a guest picked. Then when we pick a guest through this totally random means, our enforce--- Whoops, I mean our workers will go gather the tar— The guest and bring him or her here for me –Fox Trot- to interview with frequently asked questions that our crack team of scientists have sourced out.”

“Wait,” a voice spoke up from the audience, “doesn’t Angel the bunny count since its picture is on the board?” sure enough the audience member was right, albeit the picture of the scowling bunny was almost as small as Princess Celestia’s picture.

Fox Trot however lost her smirk at this and turned to a grim frown. With a flicker of her horn two Earth Pony guards appeared to the sides of that single audience member. “Take him out of here!” she ordered with a dramatic point of her front left leg.

The audience was suddenly ‘treated’ to the sound of a pony being dragged out from the area with cries of fear, to which Fox Trot regained her smile. “Wonderful...” The audience however only looked to the hostess with silent worry. “Uh…” she blinked nervously before giving a clearing cough, “alrighty then. Enough waiting around, let’s throw our dart and get our very first guest here on ‘Frequently Asked’.” The audience gradually gave stubborn cheers that gradually turned back to its thunderous cries of joy, calming the unicorn on stage.

A turn towards the massive stretch of ‘guest’ targets was Fox Trot’s welcome as she aimed her dart carefully at the completely unbiased deciding system. Her eyes flickered close as she made her final few teasing bobs of the dart towards the board. With one final thrust, her magic released from around the dart and let the object fly through the air.

Thck…

The dart’s connection to the wall echoed for a second across the stage. The hostess peeked her lids open to see who she would have the honor of interviewing. And, much like her guests name implied, her heart gave a flutter of anticipation. “And our first guest has been decided!” Fox Trot turned to look at her adoring audience while settling into her chair more warmly. “You know her, you all love her, anyone who crosses her finds that an army of boys and even girls will hunt you down and see you burnt at the stake; mares and colts, Fluttershy the pegasus with the animal heart of pure absolute gold!” many of the stallions in the audience gave collective catcalls at this development.

Just at her announcement, the picture of Fluttershy that Fox Trot’s dart had struck expanded with a red magic hue around it to the size of the entire back wall. The picture in question was of –of course- Fluttershy sleeping peacefully under a tree with a flock of butterflies eternally fluttering above and around her. The only error however was the hole through one of Fluttershy’s eyes from the dart striking through it.

“Before we bring out guest how, let’s have a word from one of our many, many, many… many… many… sponsors…” Fox Trot’s expression even though holding a smile was clearly strained as the stage faded to black.

“Hey everypony, Vinyl Scratch here. But I’m sure you already know me. But what you may not know is that being a DJ doesn’t pay much… That’s why I sponsor ‘Fluttershy Hair Conditioner’ to pay the bills. Do I know what’s in it? Not at all. Does it work? Maybe, I never use it. Am I shameless for doing a plug? I’m shameless for dancing on top of a chandelier at someone’s birthday party, this isn’t new to me. So uh… buy it. It’s… good… Is that it? Can I go now—“

‘Fluttershy Hair Conditioner’, if it’s good enough for Vinyl Scratch, it might be good enough for you.