Some very short stories

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Author's Note/Prologue

This story takes place in an alternate universe where Celestia didn't send Luna to the moon, but instead found a way to work out her differences with Nightmare Moon that didn't involve harsh punishment. This is because I don't think that it is in character for Celestia to send her own sister to the moon. She would have found another way to work it out. If you want to argue this point I will be happy to but do NOT reference the pilot of the show or season 2 in your argument. It is a long story why I say this but long story short I do not consider those to be "true canon" in the sense of being true to the spirit of MLP and to "love and tolerance" which is what the show was ORIGINALLY meant to be about.

My Little Pony: The Fanfiction

ONCE UPON A TIME A GODDAMN PONY

YEAH

Then there were fireworks and a fucking spaceship. Shit was way rad.

Then the Great and Powerful Trixie showed up and waved her Great and Powerful Magic Wand over the Great and Powerful Audience while crowing, "Behold! The Great and Powerful Trixie is incapable of speaking in anything like a normal voice! Cow before her tortured locutions, you muggles, for they are the sexiest part of a pone!"

So much making out was made that night, and so much use of alcohol and ecstasy was used, that night, amongst the hypnotized audience, which swayed hypnotically to the mellow twang of the Great and Powerful Electric Guitar Solo, swaying as if in a breeze, while a mellow breeze swept over Ponyville, the small town where Twilight Sparkle lives, who is Celestia's most faithful student, Celestia being the ruler of Equestria, which is the nation where the ponies live, which derives its name from the Latin word equus meaning horse, Latin being a dead language.

Gadflies, like shizophrenic pedophiles on the lam, were extracting sweet life-juice from Twilight's supple young flank, so Twilight kept swatting at them with her motherfucking tail. But she was getting so wet, privately, from the gadflies, for no reason, she said "Spike I am way wet will you dry me?"

Spike "hubba HUBBA!"

*cue canned audience laughter*

Twilight blushed a fiercely red blush that was unmatched in the history of the world in terms of how red the blush was and how much perverse magical embarrassment it had contained within its mystical nexus.

Then Rarity showed up, snarling and snapping, foaming at the mouth, saying 'darling' like a complete cunt.

Trixie was tired of being upstaged and cried, like a town cryer. Then my Original Character Donut Steal "Titty Baby" showed up with radioactive laser eyes and an MKG. Her epic soliloquoy was as follows:

"Trixie, or as your real name is, Trixonometry, look at me. Look into my eyes, and know that I speak the truth. I do not speak falsehood, for it would go against my cutie mark. I know your backstory and your origin and the inner you. You are chosen to be my well-oiled sapphic lover into eternity. I have often ordered my cringing servants to dress up in robes and wizard hats and caress my erogenous zones at various numbers of cycles per second using the very most erotic household items, which have ranged from toothpicks to compact discs. Also your mane is flowing? To be perfectly blunt and concise, I have a crush on you.

"My love is like a tired simile.

"I swear that I love the real you, the INNER you. I know what the INNER Trixie is like, because I often fondly daydream of being INSIDE you.

"Salamanders."

That was the thoroughly epic love poem with which Titty Baby caressed the Great and Powerful Eardrums, and thus reached the Great and Powerful Heart, which had previously been shriveled and black and two sizes too small, but which was now at least five sizes too big to fit inside.

Spike "Hubba HUBBA!"

*cue canned audience laughter.*

The Great and Powerful Heart burst out of the Great and Powerful Chest (due to the size not being able to entirely fit it all in, it burst from the stress). The Great and Powerful Lips were surprise and said, "Holy pony fuck, my lungs are escape!"

But then my Original Character, Donut Steel, said —Ill save you— and threw a washer.

Then Trixie used the washer shrunk her lungs put them back inside her body and fartingly said "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so good to breathe again." Then she turned and to Titty Baby she said "Pony fiction is like a box of chocolates from Pinkamena Diane Pie's bakery. You never know what is going to be mutilated inside."

(Authors note: cupcakes is a VERY SCARY disturbing story that has mutilated ponies inside it, that is what the last line is reference."