Scootaloo Gets Pissed Off
It was a painfully average day for the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They had recently run out of ideas for their cutie mark hunting and were now brainstorming up ideas.
“Guys! Hurry up!” Sweetie begged as she held her tail in a vice grip. “I really need to pee! But I can’t do it without a cutie mark!”
Apple Bloom sighed. “We already tried gettin’ peeing cutie marks. No dice.”
“Shut up, Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo hushed, elbowing her friend. “I wanna see if she’ll wet herself again.”
“What is it with you and watching ponies pee?” Apple Bloom whispered back. “You sure talk about it a lot.”
“Why do you enjoy watching your brother and sister do it up the ass?!” Scootaloo shouted, causing everypony within a five mile radius to overhear her. Fortunately, everypony knew about the Apple family’s incestuous tendencies, so they ignored it.
“You guuuyys!” Sweetie whined. “Hurry up and come up with something! I’m going to explode!”
“Cutie marks in diaper weaving?” Scootaloo asked. “I hear straw is naturally absorbent, so that might work!” Scootaloo could just imagine it. Apple Bloom would gather the straw, peeing as she did so. The pee would spread like wildfire, causing the forest itself to pee. The pee would soon encompass all of Ponyville and she would become Lord Pee herself! And then she would-
“You’re thinking of pee again, aren’t you?” Apple Bloom groaned, causing Scootaloo to turn her head in shock. “And straw doesn’t make good diapers.”
“How do you know?” Scootaloo asked.
“‘Cause one time, my brother and sister were too busy bangin’, and I had to change Granny’s diaper. But I couldn’t find—”
“I don’t wanna hear the rest of that.” Sweetie whined. “Can somepony just think of something already?”
“Yo, Lamekins!”
“What are you buffoons up to today? Basket weaving?!”
"Oh you have got to be kiddin’ me,” Apple Bloom grunted as she heard the shrill voice of the Crusaders arch nemesis, Diamond Tiara.
“... Sure, ignore me. Like I care,” Silver Spoon mumbled.
“What are you doing here, Diamond Tiar-”
“It’s not like I’m the brains of the operation. Nooooo. DT comes up with everything! I’m just here to look pretty!” Silver yelled, stomping her hoof in irritation.
“... At least you do a good job of it!” Sweetie said, before groaning in pain as her bladder continued to expand due to the unreleased torrents of… Water.
Silver tossed her mane to one side. “I do, don’t I?” Silver said as she sauntered up to Sweetie Belle. “At least somepony recognizes my talents,” she giggled as she began poking Sweetie’s belly.
That was not a good idea.
“OH SWEET CELESTIA!” Sweetie screamed as the pokes ignited her bladder, forcing her to expunge everything. The power of the jettisoned urine caused Sweetie to fly back, spraying the terrible twosome and soaking them down to the bone.
“Oh sweet Celestia! It’s in my mouth!” Diamond cried as she began hacking up her lunch. Oh, but she wouldn’t get the worst of it. The power of Sweetie’s urine caused her to slam into Scootaloo like a pinball, causing the flightless pegasus to soar right out the window and through the sky at an unnatural speed.
“Curse you, Sweetie Belle and your profusely prodigious projectile peeeeeee!” Scootaloo screamed, unaware of where her current trajectory would land her.
Far away, but quickly coming closer, was a large elephant who had just finished his business. He sighed in relief as his anus relaxed, and he quickly stood from his spot.
“Last time I ever eat one of Pinkie’s Cherrychangas!” he laughed, when all of a sudden he heard a loud scream.
“Move out of the waaay!” Scootaloo screamed, fear gripping her heart as she headed straight for the elephant. Please don’t land in the poop! Please don’t land in the poop! she prayed with all her might. Thankfully, she didn’t land in the poop, just as she prayed.
She landed somewhere much, much worse.
“Ouch,” the elephant muttered. “I knew it. Those Cherrychangas are already causing my ass to twitch.” the elephant said. “And this one is particularly big. Better push it out with all my might!” And so, the elephant tensed his mighty anal muscles, unknowingly making Scootaloo’s escape impossible. Her little limbs flailed to no effect outside the elephant’s poop chute.
“Hmm. Still stuck. Better try harder.” The elephant dug his feet into the ground, stretched out his trunk, and pushed with all his strength. At last, with a grunt, the obstruction came free, and Scootaloo fell out, landing straight into the large pile he left behind. “There we go. The secret was pushing really REALLY hard.”
“... Why? Why me?” Scootaloo cried, her face covered in elephant poop.
“Oh! Here comes another!” The elephant grunted as he reinvigorated his efforts.
“NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!” It was most unfortunate that her mouth was open.
“I think she landed somewhere around here,” Apple Bloom said as she led the other three ponies.
“Why are you leading?! I could have lead! I should have lead!” Diamond Tiara nagged as though she were Apple Bloom’s annoying wife.
“Oh, I swear. One of these days, Diamond, Bam! Boom! Zoom! Straight to the moon!”
“What happened to Silver Spoon, by the way?” Sweetie Belle asked. “She started to drool and fell to the floor, muttering something weird...”
“She always does that when she’s covered in piss,” Diamond Tiara replied. “Ask me how I know.”
“... I don’t think I want—”
“Ask me!”
“... How do you—”
Diamond slapped Apple Bloom. “Don’t talk to me like I’m your whore!”
“... You’re dead,” Apple Bloom growled as she prepared to pounce upon Diamond Tiara.
"Hey guys! I found Scootaloo!”
“Great! I’ll be right there after I kill Diamond—”
“She’s covered in poo!”
That got Apple Bloom’s attention. She slowly turned to her friend, horror etched onto her face.
“C-care to repeat that?”
“Not really. But you can see for yourself.” Sweetie pointed a hoof toward a small hill of brown goo. “Over there.”
Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara quickly trotted over to Sweetie Belle, both anxious to see if Scootaloo was truly covered in poo. Maybe somepony ate a chicken, and Sweetie was simply confusing the two?
“Kiiiiill me.” The agonized voice of Scootaloo quickly quelled all doubt.
“Sweet Cadance’s candy ass!” the elephant exclaimed, watching Scootaloo emerge from his pile with shock. “That’s the last time I eat at the Waffle Haus.”
All three ponies, and elephant looked at Scootaloo, begging them to kill her. None of them dared to speak, or perhaps could not was a better term. None of them had ever seen such a horrifying sight. Diamond Tiara was the first of them to speak.
“That’s fucked up.”
“I’d rather say that it’s a shitty situation,” Sweetie Belle added.
“Yeah. Talk about a crappy day,” Apple Bloom giggled.
“Wow, you guys are jerks,” Diamond Tiara scolded. “Quit stooling and start digging!”
“Yer right,” Apple Bloom replied. “Imagine the shit storm this’ll cause!”
“I wonder if Shit-take mushrooms will start growing on her?” Sweetie asked.
“I’m pretty sure they can smell her on Uranus...” Diamond Tiara nodded.
“Maybe yours.” Apple Bloom groaned.
“Girls, stop making puns,” Sweetie Belle said. “We need to help her.”
“You started it,” Diamond Tiara muttered, staring at Scootaloo. “And how are we supposed to help her? I’m not going there.”
“Dunno how about y’all, but I need to pee,” Apple Bloom said. Suddenly, an idea struck her. “I think I got an idea for how to clean her off.”
“And it just struck you like that?” Diamond Tiara asked. “I need to pee too.”
“That’s the idea,” Apple Bloom replied. “Let’s pee on her.”
“I, for one, approve of that,” Scootaloo muttered weakly.
“I concur,” Diamond added.
Then they peed on her. The end.
