This is the first chapter of this fanfic
"...inflatable foreleg flailing tube pony! Inflatable foreleg flailing tube pony! Inflatable foreleg..."
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"...from the producers of the Stable Wars movies, comes yet another Stable Wars movie to exploit the interest of the fans and take their pocket money that could be spent watching other movies..."
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"...but do you know what else really grinds my gears? That we never seem to see Celestia or Luna actually govern this country at all, am I right?"
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"...and this just in on Equestria News! Changeling spotted at local town wedding and nopony seems to care at all!"
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Unique breathed in and let out a weary sigh as his sky-blue eyes continued observing the television screen, half-lidded and expressing absolute boredom. In one hoof, the anthropomorphic pegasus rested his head. Underneath the other one he had the remote, tapping away at the buttons and cycling through numerous channels, mostly coming upon commercials and daytime discussion shows.
Unique flicked through a few more channels before slumping further back into his chair, letting his arms drop to his sides lifelessly. He turned his head towards the window, and at the bright beautiful day outside his home. Birds flew about in the open air, and the trees swayed slightly in the gentle breeze. A crossed-eyed gray pegasus fluttered without a care past by his window, turning her head to look at Unique and waving happily at him. Unique waved back half-enthusiastically and turned back to the television screen, slumping furthering into his chair.
Sweet Lauren Faust, I am soooo bored! Unique's inner thoughts cried out. All my friends are out doing other stuff and I'm just sat here watching stupid commercials. I could go outside, I mean it is a beautiful day and all, but then what am I going to do? God, I hope some kind of plot point comes along to get this story going already. Anything, no matter how dumb it is...
As if by sheer coincidence, or more likely by determined story writing mechanics, a loud voice boomed from out of nowhere, startling Unique a little. "Hey there, faggot! Yeah, you! " The voice was that of a stallion, authoritative and aggressive in tone, like the sort of voice you'd imagine a 1987 military sergeant movie stereotype would have. Kinda like that guy out of Full Metal Jacket.
Unique leaped up in the air, assuming a fighting pose when he landed back on his chair. His eyes scanned the room cautiously for the source of the mysterious voice. "Who's there?" he called. "Show yourself at once before I go Brush Lee and Jackal Chain on your bones!"
Unique looked away for a moment to address the person reading this fanfic directly. "That's how you pronounce the names of those Chinese martial artists, right?" he asked. He received no reply, either because nobody thought this story interesting enough to actually be reading up to this moment, or because it was difficult for the reader to speak through a computer screen to a fictional character. Unique shrugged and re-immersed himself back into my story.
"Over here, faggot!"
Unique turned to look back at the television screen, where a huge muscular white stallion stood on screen, lifting a pair of dumb bells. Unique frowned, and he willed his fireball away. "Oh, it's just another commercial," the pegasus deadpanned. He slouched back into his chair.
The stallion on the screen pointed at Unique, his other hoof continuing its workout. "Are you sitting at home right now feeling bored as shit!?" the stallion yelled loudly.
Unique gave a sigh of depression. "I wouldn't be watching your advert otherwise, genius," he said.
The stallion on-screen continued. "Do you want something to do? Do you want to be entertained?"
Unique perked up a little bit, sitting up straight in his chair. "Well, that would be nice. What have you in mind?" Unique asked, not caring that he was talking to a television.
The stallion on-screen slid to the side as a nuclear explosion green-screen effect occurred behind him. "Well then you need to get out and buy yourself the all new PlayStable Ultimate gaming console, faggot!" he roared, his bulging muscles increasing in size with each word. "Some unicorn inventor has created the greatest gaming system Equestria has and ever will see, and it's out now in all popular game stores waiting for faggots like you to buy it! YEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!"
The stallion began lifting his dumb bells at a faster pace, his face strained and his teeth clenching so tight Unique thought they'd crack from the pressure. The stallion seemed completely driven by hype, the stench of his own sweat, and possibly steroids along with other body-enhancing drugs.
As he continued his vigorous workout, a flash of bright light appeared next to him, disappearing a few moments later leaving behind a shiny rectangular device in its place (and the immature readers among you immediately tried to think up a dildo joke, didn't you?). It had the word 'PlayStable Ultimate' carved into the sides of its grayish-black colored casing, which gleamed in the light of a second nuclear explosion that went off in the background.
Unique eyed the object with much interest. Equestria was no stranger to video game consoles, but this particular one just looked so...intriguing. And this commercial had two - count them, TWO - cheaply produced nuclear explosions effects going off in the background of this supposedly revolutionary piece of gaming technology. And explosions are pretty cool, so that had to mean this PlayStable Ultimate was cool as well, right? That's how it works, wasn't it, the author asked the reader directly? {YES} {NO}
Unique beamed a huge grin as he pressed his face up against the television screen. "Want it. Need it. Like it. Make love to it!" he said with glee.
"Well, I hope you've got five hundred bits to spend, faggot, otherwise you ain't getting one!" the commercial stallion's voice bellowed through the speakers.
Unique's grin fell into a frown. Five hundred bits!? That was the price he would have to pay to quench his thirst for amusement? To satisfy his hunger for excitement? To cure himself of this sinister disease known as boredom? <------ "Even I thought this line was ridiculous," Unique said to the reader directly.
Five hundred bits...that was, like, the number five with two zeros placed after it. Zeroes were serious numbers. You stick a couple of zeroes after any other number, and you wound up with...well, a much bigger number than before. Take the author's word on this one, reader; don't mess with them zeroes.
Unique lifted a hoof and rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmm...how am I going to raise five hundred bits to buy a PlayStable Ultimate?" he pondered. From the corner of his eye, he spotted the morning newspaper that had been delivered to his home sometime before this fanfic began, laying on the small coffee table where he had left it.
Unique smiled as a light bulb turned on above his head - he really needed to try and get that faulty wiring sorted out - and he walked over to the table to pick up the paper. Skipping past the collection of stories and cartoon strips, Unique turned page after page until he found what he was looking for; the jobs section.
There was quite a number of employment opportunities featured in the columns. Of them all, the best payouts were from businesses and trades situated in areas like Manehatten and Ponyville, both being only a train ride away. Since ticket prices to go to those locations were relatively cheaper nowadays - probably because of ponies getting around with magic or wings affecting the transportation economy or something like that - Unique decided to try finding work there.
"Now then," Unique muttered as he put on his reading glasses - he didn't need them to read really, he just liked wearing them - and removed the cap from a highlighter pen. "Which job should I try out for first...?"
This is the second chapter of this story
The first employment application Unique decided to try for took him to a book publishing firm in Manehatten. According to the description, the firm, called 'Novel Ideas', was looking for new writers capable of producing exciting new stories, and were willing to take on even fanfiction writers. Unique wasn't much of a writer personally, but the firm offered a nice load of bits to whoever it decided would get the job, and Unique needed a load of bits to get that Play-Stable console.
Right now, Unique was in the Novel Ideas head office (yes, really), sitting on a posh chair and twiddling his hooves, while behind the mahogany desk - (mahogany...mmmahogany...mmmmmmahogany...sorry, just remembered a DBZ Abridged joke there) - in front of him, a turquoise-colored earth mare with hazel-nut hair wrapped up in a tidy bun hairstyle looked through a folder, her eyes scanning left to right as she read Unique's submitted story.
Occasionally she would pause to glance up at Unique, who would smile at her with a hopeful look on his face. She would cock an eyebrow, and then return to reading the story.
After nearly an hour had passed by, the mare placed the papers down on her desk, stacking them neatly to one side. Unique leaned forward towards her. "So, is my story good enough to be published?" he asked.
The mare looked at Unique expressionlessly. "No," she flatly replied. "It isn't, Mr. Unique."
Unique face fell. "What? But why not?"
The mare picked up the papers and held it out to Unique, with the front cover showing. "Because this is clearly not your own work, Unique," the mare said pointing a hoof to a mass of scribbles on the cover. "This is just ROBCakeran53's story 'My Little Dashie' but with his name crossed out and yours awkwardly scrawled underneath his own." She narrowed her eyes at Unique, and then flipped through the papers. "Also, you've scribbled a bunch of memes and links to YouTube channels you say you recommend to the reader on every page, and here on the last one..." - she flipped through the pages to the very back - "...you wrote, 'Mandopony sucks buffalo testicles', to which as a fan of his music I take offense to, Mr. Unique." She tossed the paper folder at Unique, smacking him on his muzzle before he caught it.
Unique threw a hoof up in the air. "But everypony else always copy the original story!" he exclaimed. "What about that whatshisname, er, ty500600-something guy? He wrote a supposed sequel to this story, and I bet he didn't get permission from the original creator!"
The mare leaned forward in her chair and tapped her hoof on the desk as she spoke. "First of all, ty500600 wrote his 'sequel' as an unofficial sequel, meaning it wasn't meant to be a direct affiliation to the original story. Second, he wrote that unofficial sequel in his own words, he didn't steal somepony else's work and slap his own name on the cover. And third, what did ty500600 and his story have to do with this discussion anyway?"
The mare glared at him. "Get the hell out of my office before I call security," she growled pointing to the door.
After being thrown out of the building by two large security guards - of which one of them had a name-tag that said 'Meeester', which sounded familiar to the white pegasus anthrope - Unique picked himself up and headed for the train station, on his way to try out for a job interview somewhere over in Canterlot...
