The Six Guards

by creep

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Romance, Changelings, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Crossover, Gore, Princess Celestia
Length: 2972

These six unlikely mercenaries of TF2 get transported and transformed into the species of Equestria. What daring challenges face them?

These six unlikely mercenaries of TF2 get transported and transformed into the species of Equestria. What daring challenges face them?

Published 2015-07-18 15:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-18 15:50:01 UTC

C1: How Dare You!

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sat on their respective chairs in a tower-ish room. The room was dirty, to say the least. Dirt, rubble and stone patches plastered across the room. A bed with the wooden supports under it covered in moss. Two openings that showed where the sun usually shined, and the other where the moon usually gleams.

"Tia, when will they be here?" Luna asked, nonchalantly staring into the glass cup in front of her. Celestia sighed, raising her own glass and slowing gulping down the water. "They'll be here shortly. The Elements of Harmony are possibly gathering as we speak. The Changeling hive continue to thrive, picking off lonely mares, colts, fillies and stallions one by one. It is an urgent matter, indeed. So, in dire needs, we will have to.. pull other ponies from different worlds with special talents. I was caught in the eye by a specific world, a world that revolves around nine bipedal creatures fighting for land. I have handpicked six of them that would suit our pony's defensive needs. Their skills are quite marvelous. You would enjoy their personalities, as well." Celestia giggled, placing the glass down and putting a hoof to her mouth.

As if on cue, the six Elements of Harmony walked into the door, being accompanied by two Royal Guards, one on each side. Celestia smiled,"My little ponies! It is great to see you here on such short notice." The cyan blue pegasus with rainbow colored hair grunted

"So, what are we here for, your Majesty?"

Celestia cleared her throat, "Now, it would sound a bit difficult, but with a little dimensional magical swirls, I introduce you.."

Six holograms appeared instantly in the middle of the room.

The first one had a bipedal creature with a red shirt, brown overalls with high boots, a hardhat with some goggles as well as his right claw-hand being covered in an orange glove. His skin being a mixture of tan and white. He sat peacefully on a chair, next to a giant machine that swirl left to right occasionally, beeping uncommonly, abandoning it's patrol and turning around, unleashing yellow flashes and solid gray objects that soon exploded at a younger man in blue.

An orchestral suspense tune briefly played, the man chuckling, "Ya'll just got dominated, city-boy." he smiled, reaching out-of-hologram and pulling in a small bottle, drinking it's contents.

He unfolded his legs and slowly got up, grunting in the process. The sentry beeped again, and repeated it's yellow flashes and exploding projectiles on another blue bipedal creature. And again, the orchestral suspense tune boomed briefly.

The man slapped his knee and laughed, "A real Texan woulda' dodged that!" He continued to laugh, until dieing down into a cackle and into a soft smile.

He turned around and saw a blue flash onto the center of his head. He growled, "Aw hell."

A booming 'POH' sounded the air, as the man screamed and fell over, a red fleshy hole in the center of his head.

Soon enough, the first hologram vanished, and a orange stallion emerged from the hologram's place, slamming his face onto the stone floor. He carried most of the clothing that the strange bipedal had. A hardhat, goggles, and the yellow glove. His tail was tan, cut short and at the tip of it into a small curl. His mane was covered by the hardhat, and his snout had seemingly earned a small stubble. His cutie mark was abruptly a red wrench with a black impact symbol on the end of it.

A wrench laid wedged into the stone, along with four toolboxes sitting idly next to it.

He groaned, "Stupid squatting Aussie."

Rubbing his temples with his hooves obliviously, he shook his head and placed his forehooves down, examining his surroundings.

"...Aw hell." He sighed, "I think I grabbed the Pyroland goggles."

The second hologram sprung to life, showing a big, meaty man with a giant machine he carried that seemingly revved up on the end and sprouted yellow flashes, a replica of the previous hologram with the strange contraption.

"EYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed, his face bearing excitement and adrenaline.

Soon enough, the same orchestal suspense boomed, and he screamed, "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS CRYING?" The machine he carried continued to flash yellow and spin, his evil laugh filling the room as the hardhat stallion mused, "Heh. That's Heavy for ya four legged critters." He turned to the two giant horses that glared at him. He chuckled nervously, "Sorry, didn't know ya took that ta heart. Pardon me." He tipped his hardhat.

The blue circle emerged on his head again, "UH-OH!" He yelled, soon screaming in agony as a hole filled his head.

The hologram vanished and a big, burly earth stallion emerged in a red body and brownish mane and tail cut short. Standing almost as tall as the two giant ponies before the Engy. His cutie mark was just a giant hoof.

"TIME TO RUN, COWARDS! HEAVY IS ALIVE ONCE MORE AND HE IS COMING TO SQUASH YOU LIKE BUG!" He laughed, closing his eyes and taking a step, collapsing.

"Why is floor not white? Where is Engineer's respawn baby machine?" He looked around, spotting a familiar hardhat and tackling him.

"ENGINEER! I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU! QUICKLY, MAKE RESPAWN BABY MACHINE AND SEND ME BACK OUT, MY FRIEND!" He lifted the orange stallion up, shaking him vigorously. Snickers erupted in the room.

"H-H-Heav-yy, we-r-e noo-t in Teu-fo-or-or-t." Engineer quipped, his head spinning around.

Heavy stopped, opening his eyes and switching his facial expression into a stern face. He glared about, "Little eety-beety baby ponies! We are in Pyroland!?" He shouted, slamming his hooves against his cheeks and sporting a mortified face.

His panics were interrupted when the third hologram sprung to life, showing a slim, tall bipedal figure with glasses, a coat with the universal medical cross on the shoulders. All painted red.

The man screamed, "HEAVY AND ENGINEER ARE DEAD!"

"No kiddin', doc." Engineer murmured, rubbing his chin and looking around and soon back at the hologram.

'Doc' pushed a lever on a small machine, forcing it to emit red beams onto an energetic red kid with a hat, headset, dogtags, a sleeveless shirt, pants and shoes.

"Move, dummkopf!" He shouted, forcing the younger bipedal to sneer, "Sometimes I wish you were overalls with that yappin' mouth of yers, Medic."

Medic shook his head, "GET ON ZE INTEL, YOU IDIOT!"

He shook his head, "Doctah, doctah, doctah."

Smoke emitted from the younger boy, revealing a suited man in a blue balaclava. He had a smug grin on his face as he directed the smaller contraption at the Medic, "YOU ARE SUCH A BAD DOCTOR!" He laughed maniacally, yellow flashes erupting from it and small holes spilling into Medic, forcing him to yell and topple over, dead.

"LAUGHTER IS REALLY THE BEST MEDICENE! HAHAHAHA!" He laughed, vanishing in a small circle of smoke.

A white stallion emerged, his mane cut and groomed neatly, and the front of it had a small curl on it. He wore the glasses and the medical coat. His cutie mark is hidden, but is a medical cross with smaller medical crosses surrounding it.

"Zis is most interezting. Ze Engineer, are we in ze Pyrolands?" Medic looked around, adjusting his glasses.

Engineer sighed, "Doc, not now."

The three turned to the fourth hologram.

The bipedal figure was the same one in Medic's hologram, before morphing into the blue devil.

"Overalls? Doctah? Baldy?" Scout looked in the Respawn room, quirking an eyebrow.

"Whatever, I don't need'em. Baldy's probably enjoyin' his sandviches and the egghead is probably enjoyin' his oktoberfest. Overalls must be off reading magazines in the sewahs. Time for little ol' Scout to make his cameo." Scout smiled smugly, running onto the balcony and hopping onto the bridge's roof, skimming across it and landing on the blue's replicated balcony.

He carried a wooden bat with a baseball being tossed up and down in his other hand.

He tossed it up and flicked his bat, the bat colliding with the ball and the ball flinging in the small building in the middle of the balcony. A homerun audio played, and he ran in, quickly switching the bat and ball to a small sized machine, once again flashing yellow and killing the blue man in a vest, sunglasses and hat.

The same orchestral domination tune played, and he screamed at the end of it sarcastically, as well as holding in laughter, "Ya camped the whole time for this?"

He chuckled, turning around and getting blasted by a blue-clothed version of himself into the frame of a window and falling off and slamming onto his back, killing him.

A small clip played before ending, "I. AM. THE. SCOUT. HERE!"

Soon a slimmer pegasus in red appeared, slamming on the ground. He sported his hat, head piece and dogtags, as well as the sports tape around his hooves. His cutie mark had a lightning bolt with wings.

He growled viciously, murmuring, "I am the scout here."

He yelled, slamming a bat onto the ground, "I AM THE SCOUT HERE, MY ASS! LET'ME AT'IM!" He yelled, taking off for where he thought the spawn door would be as usual. Instead, he slammed into the corner of the table and screamed, falling onto his back and into Medic's hooves.

"You dummkopf! Ve are in zome sort of Pyroland!" Medic barked, tossing Scout a few feet in front of him.

By now, the Six Elements were laughing, with the Princesses giggling.

The fifth hologram began to cut them off as they all focused back onto it.

A completely covered bipedal figure played, lifting his fist into the air and chanting a muffled warcry, running out onto the bridge. He pressed something on the 'flamethrower' and soon flames bursted in red, orange and blue hues at an incoming Medic and Heavy chained combo. They soon erupted into flames with agonizing screams, toppling over as he casually stepped over their charring corpses.

He stopped the flames and slowly walked inside the base on one of the ramps. He turned a corner and activated it again, sending an enemy blue Scout into turmoil. He screamed and wailed, running around in agony as the flames engulfed him and turning him numb, forcing him to slam into a wall and be rendered unconscious, burning.

He rolled his shoulders casually as he felt a knife sending a thralling pain through his body. He screamed a muffled, agonizing screech, faceplanting into the dirt.

The masked man growled, "I. HATE. YOU."

The hologram vanished, and the pony, just covered in his usual fire resistant suit, fell onto his hooves, studying his known surroundings without making a peep or movement.

"Pyro, it's best if you not give an enthralling death." Engineer sighed, looking at the last hologram.

The sixth hologram played, showing a red version of the suited, masked man.

He was hiding, hiding from the blue's monstrosity they called their own Pyro. He stuck his back to the wall, occasionally peeping around the corner. He looked around the corner and that beast wasn't there. He looked to his left and saw the beast staring directly at him, with a tilted head.

His screams pierced the skies as the hologram faded.

The masked stallion appeared, in the suit as well, his short tail holding a butterfly knife.

He wiped his suit, "Well, this was a disappointment."

He looked up and saw the situation. The other five of the familiar stallions were discussing, the obviously RED Pyro staring off into space, with six technicolored ponies sitting off one side with a nervous face, and the two giant ponies with a slightly content, nervous expression.

Celestia finished, squeaking out gently, "Your.. bodyguards."

The six mysterious ponies poked their heads up,

"What, Madam?!"

"Mmph Mmmmmph Mmph?!?!!?"

"WHAT IS THIS BIGGER BABY PONY SAYING?!"

"Zis is outrageous!"

"Well, it seems I am not the only one disliking this."

Twilight walked up to Celestia and pleaded, "Princess Celestia, with all due of respect.. we can't let these.. psychopaths be our bodyguards!"

Engineer sighed, "Ah'm afraid she's right. I'unno for these numbskullin' cityboys, but I ain't fancyin' bein' called a psychopath, madam. I design machines that do all the psychopathic stuff for me. I only use self defense should Ah ever come to a snake, backstabbin' France boy." He glared at Spy, who sighed.

"I wouldn't be qualified as ze psychopath, either. I just destroy your toys and stab your back, hoping it'd kill you instantly." Spy reached a forehoof to his cigarette, pulling it out and letting a small ring of smoke blow out of his mouth before letting him place the cigarette back on his lips.

Scout placed his forehooves behind his head, "I just wipe da floor with you knuckleheads and pray that my feet be with me."

Medic raised a hoof in protest, "I am a psychopath! I take zat as a compliment, fräulein!"

Heavy boomed, "I am Heavy Weapons Guy! I am no psychopath! I just paid to kill leettle-eety-beetty-BLU babies!"

Pyro only gave a muffled response, most likely transcribed as "Booooooooo."

Rarity sighed, "Whatever, darling. Who is my bodyguard so I can rid them of their horrible design?" Celestia nodded, walking over to a corner of the room and closing her mind, moving a hoof or two in different directions occasionally. She opened her eyes and let out a stressed sigh. Celestia walked back over to her previous spot and straightened herself more than before.

"As personalities go, and professions.. Scout goes with Rainbow Dash."

"Rainbow Dash? Oooh, is dat tha athletic one?!" Scout's eyes gleamed.

"Rainbow Dash! Fastest Flier in Equestria! Who are you again?" Rainbow Dash flew over, holding a hoof out.

Scout gave a small smile and shook her hoof, "Scout, the most handsome merc, and tha fastest of these losahs." He directed his other hoof behind him.

"Watch where your ego flows, Scout. Shall I visit your mother again for another.. friendly engagement?" Spy smugly said, the cigarette now lighting up his face to a more devious grin.

Scout shuddered, "Stop wit dat whole thing, Spy. I gotta 'nuff problemos ta deal with." Scout growled, standing beside Rainbow Dash who was beginning to piece together what the two meant.

"Next, Spy with Applejack." Celestia said, stomping her hoof in confirmation.

Spy groaned, "Great, I get a front row seat of ze female, ponified version of ze Engineer."

Applejack narrowed her eyes, "Is that an insult, pardner?"

Celestia shook her head briefly, "Medic with Twilight Sparkle."

Medic looked around, "Vhat? Vhere am I again? Oh ja, in zis living hell for a.. peaceful Pyroland. Ve're probably getting roasted about now."

Twilight creaked her eyes, worried, "A-Are you alright, Mr. Medic?"

Medic looked over, "Yes, fräulein. I am just a bit flabberghasted, iz all." He held a hoof out to shake,

"Mein title is Medic, fräulein." Medic gave a forced, small smile that dove at his pride every second. She shook it happily.

"Twilight Sparkle! Pleasure to meet you, Medic!" She said, giving as well a forced smile.

Celestia continued, "Heavy with Fluttershy."

Heavy smiled, "Who is leetle pony?"

A yellow mare pegasus with soft, pink hair emerged from under Rainbow Dash, pawing at the ground subtly.

Heavy walked over, giving a toothy grin, "Hello, leetle pony! I am Heavy Weapons Guy! Or Heavy! What is your name, leetle one?" He boomed.

Fluttershy stammered, "I-I u-uh.. Fl-Flu..Fluttershy.." She said softly, resisting tears.

Heavy smiled and grabbed her, lifting her up, "LEETLE PONY IS SO CUTE! HELLO, FLUTTERSHY!" Giving her a bear hug, she gave a soft blush and giggled, before being set down.

Celestia looked to Engineer, "And the "toy-maker" with Rarity."

Engineer sighed, "Really, madam?"

Celestia chuckled, "Your charming friend told me to do so."

"Damn spahs.." He shook his head, awkwardly walking over to the white unicorn with a purple mane and tail.

"Hello, Misus..?" Engineer trailed off.

"Rarity, darling! Sorry, but your whole outfit is just a bit distracting." She said, wincing at how he looked.

Engineer shook his head, "Sorry, ma'am. But it's mah policy tah keep the hardhat, goggles and glove on.. unless ya want tah see what is under it." He began to reach for his glove, slowly pulling it off. To be with all honesty, he wanted to see what it looked like, too. So this was an opportunity he couldn't miss, not for the world.

When it finally came off, it was a metallic hoof with just the bone structure, like it was with the gunslinger.

Rarity gasped, "My, that's awful to lose a hoof like that! How did you lose it, darling?" looking worried, she began to horribly be convulsed with emotional drama and sadness.

Engineer chuckled, "Ah lost it and crafted this 'lil machine Ah like tah call tha Gunslinger." He lifted the metallic hoof up, investigating it's structure, "But it's damn well modified to fit like a pony's."

"My! I am quite intrigued with all of this! I must say, we're going to get along quite well, aren't we, darling?" Rarity conversed, giving a soft smile as she did so.

Engineer nodded, "Ah can see that, fer sure. It's an honor tah meet a fine quality.. well uh.. what's it called.. ah! Mare! It's an honor tah meet a fine quality mare such as yerself, Misus." From that.. somewhat intellectual response, she found herself slightly taken back by his compliment to her.

"You look quite well, too, Mister Engineer." She mused, giving a friendly grin in the process.

Engineer nodded, and turned to the others, "Alright, huddle it up, fellers." He raised his mechanical hoof, gaining the group of mercenary's attention. They all clipped over, huddling into a discussion.