Rarity Calls The Cable Company

by Wolf-Baron

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Rarity, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sweetie Belle
Length: 1317

Rarity's cable is out and the only way to get it back is by risking her life on the most dangerous task....dealing with customer service!

Inspired by the story "Applejack Calls Customer Service" by MythrilMoth.

Rarity is interrupted by her little sister who can't get her cable to start working. They try everything from turning the box off and on, and giving it a minute but nothing works.

Rarity must risk her time and sanity doing the only solution, calling the Cable Company customer service for help!

Published 2015-07-11 06:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-11 06:00:01 UTC

You may now scream in anger and bang your head against a wall.

"Rarity!!!" Sweetie Belle screamed as she barged into her sister's room.
The scream and the loud slam the door made as it opened made Rarity flinch so badly she accidentally knocked down her mannequin which was holding onto a new designer dress she was making for a very rich and important client. The mannequin then crashed into her dresser knocking off all the thread and cloth onto the floor.

"Sweetie Belle! Rarity gasped with frustration and as she desperately tried to clean up the mess. "I told you I'm working on a very important dress for one of my clients!"

Sweetie Belle frowned with a high pitched squeak. "But Rarity...." she started to say only to be interrupted by her older sister.

"I mean can't you find something else to do?" she inquired. "Why not watch She-Mare on the new television downstairs. That is your favorite show right?"

Sweetie Belle continued to frown and looked almost as if she were about to cry. "But that's just it! I turned the tv on so I could watch my favorite show, and the cable isn't working!"

Rarity raised an eyebrow out of frustration. "Sweetie Belle, if you need to interrupt me it should be for an emergency, not because you can't get the cable working."

Sweetie Belle raised a hoof and said "But can't you help me fix the cable?"

Rarity put a hoof to her face as she shut her eyes. "I'm sorry but I'm very busy. I need to finish this dress plus make fifteen more copies by the end of the week and...."

Her explanation was interrupted by Sweetie Belle giving a small, sad squee.

"But Rarity you are my best sister! And best sisters always help their little sisters with problems!" Sweetie Belle pined as she gave her famous (or infamous in Rarity's case) puppy face.

Rarity inhaled a sigh of defeat, that face always got to her.
"Alright Sweetie Belle," she said in a strong comforting voice. "I'll see what I can do."

"Yaay!!" Sweetie Belle squeed and jumped happily with excitement.

Sweetie Belle led Rarity to the living room where a large tv they had just gotten from Barnyard Bargains was resting on a large wooden stand. While the television was clearly switched on, the screen was dark black with the exception of a blue message screen containing the words in white lettering:

"Your cable signal is currently offline. Please read the user manual or call 1-800-NEBULA for customer support."

Rarity looked at the screen unsure of what to do.
"Sweetie Belle, are you sure the tv is working?" she asked.

Sweetie Belle nodded "Yeah. I check the box to make sure it was properly plugged in. I even turn the box on and off again like Scootaloo recommended but nothing works!"
Rarity was in a quagmire. She was no electrician and she needed to finish so dresses and she couldn't do it if Sweetie Belle was annoying her.

"Well, I'll guess I'll call the number on the screen" she said nervously as she lifted her cell phone and brought to her ear with her magic "I'm sure they'll be able to help us in a jiffy!"

Rarity dialed the number as was instructed and waited as the phone beeped for about thirty seconds.

//Hello, thank you for calling the Nebula Cable Customer Service!// an annoying cheerful automated voice said //If you would love to tell us how much you love our product and service, say 'One'. If you love our product so much and you would like to sign up for our premium service, say 'Two'. If you are having problems getting our wonderful product to work, say 'Three'. If you are calling to complain about our service, please hang up and call again.//

Rarity lowered her upper eyelids in confusing. "I guess Three." she said impatiently.

//You have said 'Three'. Please describe in a clear voice what issues you are occurring. If your signal is experiencing interruptions or disconnections, press '1'. If you are...//

Rarity pressed and held down 1 in frustration.

//You have pressed '1'. If your cable box signal is broken because you were being a ditz and broke it press...//

"Just tell me how to get my cable to work!" Rarity snapped back in anger.

//Okay, okay quit your whining toots//

"What?!" Rarity gasped at the automation's rude tone. "How dare you! I am not whining! I am complaining!"

//Your complaint has been notified. Please hold while I connect you to a service provider who gives a damn. Please note that we are not legally responsible for any actions or damages your complaint has and anything you say can and will be used against you in a small claims court. If you have any other boo-hoo stories, please contact your local Better Business Bureau and take it up with them.//

The automotive voiced stopped and was soon replaced by an elevator music cover of Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon". No not the song, but the entire forty-three minute long album. As the hold music approached the end of the song "Eclipse", it stopped and was followed by a static beep.

//Herro, frank you for calring Nebrura Caber Service, h'rar may I herlp you?// a voice answered in a weird accent that sounded very similar to the human who ran the noodle stand across the street.

"uh...hello dear sir," Rarity responded with an annoyed grunt at the voice's poor grammer "My name is Rarity I'm calling because it appears my cable is out"

//Oh I'm terrirbry sorry to hear that ma'am. If you 'rould prease exprain to me what the probrem is I'll do everythring in my abilrity to help.// he explained in an almost unintelligible voice. It sounded like if Equine Basic wasn't his first language.

"Well it appears that my cable doesn't have a signal." Rarity explained in a tired exhausted voice. "My cable box and remote seem to be in order so I don't know what's wrong."

//Ro'kay, ro'kay// the voice responded followed by the sound of clicking computer buttons. //Our diagnostic servers say your caber is working. Are 'ur sure it isn't your terevision?//

"Yes I'm sure!" Rarity growled back tired and angry. If she had hands, she's be pulling her hair out.

//Did you check everythring?//

"Yes! I check every single cussing object on the tv!!!"

//Ro'kay ma'am don't get mad. I'rll crall your rocal service provider.// he responded //Prease hold//

"Wait, you're telling me I could've just called my local provider?"

But the voice was done and was instead replaced by a poor quality song of "Against the Wind". It almost finished the song when the voice came back online.

//Sorry for the 'rait ma'am. I contacted your 'rocal service provider and he says the caber in your area is temporary down for maintenance. It'rll be brack onrine tommorrow.//

Rarity's hair slumped and her pupils dilated.

"RRRARAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" she roared at the top of her lungs in frustration and tossed her phone onto the couch.

"Rarity! Are you alright!?" Sweetie Belle quivered in terror at the site of her sister's fury.

Rarity growled and grunted as she gridded her teeth together in a snarl before she finally managed to stop and pull off a smile.

"I'm sorry for that little outburst Sweetie Belle. But the cable is down for maintenance."

Sweetie Belle nodded as her sister went upstairs.

"Just...read a book or something for now Sweetie Belle. I need to take a hot shower." Rarity said as she limped up to the bathroom.

//Herro?// the voice still called from Rarity's abandoned phone //Is everythring alright? Did I provide you with good customer service?//

Author's Note

Please forgive the poor spelling in the later half of the story. It's a poor attempt at an East Asian accent.