Fallout Equestria: Exile

by Goldbacon

Rating: mature
Tags: Romance, Adventure, Crossover, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 7411

Dark Joke was the outcast in Stable 82. Other ponies saw him as a monster. When he eventually gets banished and sent into the unknown wasteland, will he be able to survive?

Dark Joke was the outcast in his stable. The other ponies in Stable 82 thought he was violent, aggressive, and dangerous. In their eyes, he was a psychopath, and he was reminded of that everyday.

One day, Joke was falsely accused of an attack on a stable official, and sentenced to banishment. The Overmare threw him out of her stable and into the Equestrian Wasteland.

In this new world, will he be able to form a reputation as a good pony, or will he live up to the rumors and become the monster the ponies in Stable 82 thought him to be? Will he even survive?

He wasn't sure, but he was glad an old friend decided to join him in exile.

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Note: Sex tag added for a few somewhat suggestive scenes that might pop up later [spoiler], and for our hero's soon to be seen filthy thoughts.[/spoiler]

Don't worry though, I won't be writing clop into this. If your into clop, sorry to dispapoint.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-12 14:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1: Being The Black Sheep

I hated mornings in Stable 82. They were always the same.

First, I had to deal with the stable alarm. In Stable 82, everypony was required to wake up at the same time everyday, and the alarm buzzed through speakers in everyone's room the second the clock hit 4. The Overmare followed up the ungodly noise with daily announcements, normally reminding us of the daily routine, followed by random news. It was normally about somepony's foal being ready to take on work in the stable, or new drills that the security team had to practice. Occasionally there was news of a stable meeting later in the day, but that was something that didn't often happen.

After the crappy wake up, everyone had an hour to go about their morning activities and be at their assigned jobs by 5. That resulted in spending most of the morning washing up and getting ready for work. In my case, that meant showering, throwing on my maintenance uniform, skipping breakfast, and laying back down for an extra 20 minutes. When I was a colt, my mom would tell me that breakfast was the most important meal of the day.I always told her that I'd rather get some extra sleep. I struggled falling asleep at night, so by morning I was exhausted as hell. My naps helped deal with that.

After my short nap, I'd drag myself out of my room and down to the maintenance wing. Along the way, everypony I would pass made sure to steer clear of me. That was one of the perks of being the stable demon. Occasionally I heard parents mumble something like "Stay away from Dark Joke," to their foals, since even the kids were supposed to hate me. I just tried to ignore them and get to work. When I arrived in maintenance every morning, Pipeline would send me off to the reactor room where I started the rest of the day.

It was the same routine every damn day.

I finished my routine maintenance checks of the stable reactors in about an hour. The routine consisted of making sure the bolts were secured, checking for radioactive leaks, making sure everything was running at full capacity, and a few other random things. Luckily, today everything was running smoothly, so I didn't need to make any repairs. Honestly, it's less that I didn't want to and more that the stable didn't give the maintenance ponies sufficient supplies to fix half of the issues that plagued most of our machinery.

Instead, our resources were devoted to maintaining the weapons in the armory. Hell, half the stable was on the security team anyway. Stable 82 was built as a military stable, designed to train ponies for a new world military to see if strong national defense would create peace. I don't know what idiot thought of that, since in school we learned the war that caused the apocalypse was a result of ponies acting in national defense. It didn't matter in the end, since Stable 82 still kept security and defense as it's top priority.

The school strongly encouraged foals to enroll in the justice program after their first year of school, in hopes of expanding the stable defense force. Trainees still learned academics, but were mainly taught stable law, hoof-to-hoof combat, proper subduing techniques, and a bunch of other police crap. If they left training on their own accord or failed the testing at the end of the academy, they were assigned a profession by the Overmare, regardless of their cutie mark.

Well, except me. I was special.

I enrolled in the security program when I was a foal, along with half of the other foals leaving kindergarten. I did surprisingly well at first, being top of my class in the training program. I was very quick to learn what they taught us, particularly in magical studies. I even had a friend in boot camp, a filly named Night Watch. We used to eat lunch together in the cafeteria everyday, and she'd make jokes about how she was jealous about me being the best in defense spells in class. I always told her they were easy, since in my time there all we were being taught was how to materialize handcuffs and how to stun a pony for a couple minutes with magic.

Back in school I had feelings for Night. She was the prettiest filly in the whole class, and definitely the kindest one in the stable. One day I decided to ask her on a an actual date. We didn't have much to do in the stable as far as dating, but I could still propose milkshakes or something. My offer was met with extreme discomfort. She told me that she always thought of me as more of a brother, and immediately rejected me. I might have taken it better, if a bunch of assholes didn't decide to gather and laugh.

That's when it happened.

I couldn't stand having a bunch of jerks gathering to laugh and make fun of me. I snapped inside. I screamed in hateful rage. The next thing I knew I was surrounded by a ring of jagged black crystals. Some of them were just short of impaling the others in the class. I stood in the center of the circle bearing my teeth and heaving. Some ponies even say my eyes were glowing lime green. I glared and shifted my vision across the crowd, ready to attack anyone who dared utter so much as a snicker.

Eventually, my gaze rested upon Night Watch who stood inside the ring with me staring in horror. Seeing the utter terror in the unicorn filly's eyes, my extreme fury shifted to regret. I tried to approach her and convince her I wasn't evil. I wanted to tell her I didn't know that spell before; that I didn't even know there was such a spell. She turned and ran without a word. I turned to everypony else and they all ran too. The Overmare threw me out of school that day and assigned me to maintenance.

The only thing to come out of it besides the entire stable hating me was my cutie mark, which was just the outline of a black, five-pointed star, surrounded by an empty black circle. I didn't have any idea what it meant, and honestly still don't. It just appeared when first used my crystal spell. Oh yeah, that spell came out of that day too.

So, there I was. An outcast forced to spend his days checking on those fucking reactors. They didn't even need repairs most of the time. I just had to sit there and watch on them. Well, with my entire work day done in an hour, I could at least read. I picked up my copy of "Of Mice And Mares", and started where I left off around chapter four. I read that book a hundred times. There weren't many books I hadn't in the stable. I just really enjoyed that story. But of course just when it started, something had to spoil my reading time.

The Overmare's voice blared through the speakers. "Attention everypony. We are having a stable meeting. Drop what you are doing and report to the atrium at once. I repeat: Drop what you are doing and report to the atrium at once."

I knew that it was going suck.

As I was leaving maintenance, Pipeline chose to approach me. She didn't want to, she just had to.

"Joke, I'd like a report the reactors ASAP." The white maintenance mare spoke just like she was serving in our stable military. Except well, with extreme discomfort because of who she had to talk to.

"Well boss lady, they're running the same as yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that." I grinned mockingly at her while she glared at me.

"Listen Joke. I'm your boss, not your friend. So-"

"Oh really, I couldn't tell." She narrowed her eyes at me when I cut her off.

"So don't mess with me. Give me a straight report. Everypony in the stable is required to respect their superiors, even violent criminals like you." Somepony was definitely mad with the outcast.

"Well master, I'll give you my report. The reactors are fine. The end." I snarked at her, which was met with a growl.

"Get out of here Joke." No problem.

I made sure to stand in the back when I got to the atrium. I didn't want anyone to freak out if I stood next to them. After all, I was the boogeypony. While I waited for the meeting to start, I glanced around and noticed a few guards staring directly at me. They must have thought I was going to attack somepony or something. Monitoring at me was nothing new, they normally made sure to keep me under surveillance. That time though, it seemed like they were keeping an extra close eye on me. I didn't think I did anything, did I? I wondered if the meeting was about the Overmare finally getting rid of me for some random act of violence that I was probably getting blamed for. It wouldn't be the first time I was framed. I spent lots of time in the stable jail over the years. This could just be her chance to get rid of me for good.

The Overmare walked into the room and everypony stiffened and turned to face her. Even the most social ponies lost in conversation gave all their attention to her when she entered. The light green mare trotted over to the front of the crowd of ponies, all gathered completely straight lines, and began to speak.

"Attention everypony. I've called you all here for an important announcement." She walked along the rows of ponies as she spoke. She sounded like a squeaky drill sergeant. I thought it was hilarious. " After a recommendation from our security force, I've been convinced there is a pony among us with talents that are vital to Stable 82's defense. I have decided to draft him for service." Oh boy, some poor sap was getting dragged into the stable military, I wondered who the victim was. "This is a stallion with a unique magical ability, one that could be vital in urgent situations." What did she mean unique magical ability? "We once removed him from training, but I see know that he could be very useful if his ability can be harnessed properly." Oh no. "He has access to a spell that conjures solid crystals, which we believe can be used to trap criminals evading justice." No no no no no no. "You may not like this pony, but trust me when I say he will be disciplined and trained for the good of all of us here in the stable. The stallion in question is none other than Dark Joke." Fucking shit. "Dark Joke, step forward."

That day went to hell fast.

The crowd parted, revaling me in the back. Reluctantly, I dragged myself towards the old bag. Everypony I passed backed farther away from me. They were mumbling things under their breaths which I couldn't quite make out. I didn't give a shit really, I gave up on trying to earn their friendship long ago. I'd gotten used to being the black sheep. I stopped in front of the Overmare and looked her in the eyes, as required when addressing her. I was about 6 inches taller than her, so I made myself stand as straight as I could so that she'd have to look up at me. I personally found it amusing that our war-general of a leader had to look up at me, the stable outcast. I was actually taller than most ponies in the stable, but I didn't really care that much.

"Dark Joke, you are to commence security training at once." She clearly still loved stating the obvious.

I sighed deeply. "Yes ma'am. But may I ask where I will train? The program is for foals, and I'm fully grown."

"I know. You are to receive special training from the head of security." She squeaked firmly.

"Okay. Who's the head of security?" The Overmare recoiled a bit in shock. Then she just stared at me with her jaw dropped. Apparently my question was the most surprising thing our irritating leader had every heard.

"Y-You don't know who the head of security is?" She asked in clear disbelief. I really wondered why this was a big deal. Obviously security was important here, but nopony knew who was in charge of any other professions in the stable. I mean I'm pretty sure only me and the maintenance team knew Pipeline was in charge of the stable repair crew.

"Well I never bothered learning. Just because I've been in jail a couple times, for nothing I did by the way, doesn't mean I chat with the stable police. Also, when nopony else bothers coming near me, and is on constant alert when I'm in a 20 foot radius, I don't get to chat much. The most talking I do is with Pipeline about reactor upkeep, and that's the only thing we talk about. In addition, I don't really give a shit who leads our defense force, just like I don't give a shit who's in charge of cooking, or directs the medical ponies. The only reason I care who the head maintenance official is is because she's my boss. So to answer your question, no."

She narrowed her eyes at my rude response, and then silently waved her hoof at the crowd of security ponies, gesturing one forward. I didn't bother looking at who it was. I knew they'd be there in a minute.

"Well Joke, it's about time you learned." I heard hoofsteps approaching, so I assumed the head of security was coming to give me a not-so-warm greeting. I still didn't turn my head to whoever it was. "The head of security is an old friend of yours Dark Joke. You must recall Night Watch from the academy." Well fuckity fuck. I was going to train with the mare who I'd probably scarred for life.

The deep blue unicorn stepped forward and stood next to the Overmare. She was wearing full security barding with a red leg band, probably to show special authority. She looked at me with her gorgeous violet eyes, and oddly it wasn't a cold, hateful glare. The same glare everypony else in the stable gave me when they weren't cowering in fear. Instead, it was a warm and sympathetic look. That look made me want to hope training with her would earn me a chance at forgiveness, but that was like hoping the Goddesses would personally grace our stable and lead us into a utopian new Equestria. Wasn't gonna happen.

"Well then, when do I get to go to boot camp? I can't wait to spend my days becoming the stable's secret weapon!" I made sure to exaggerate my excitement. That would drive home some obvious sarcasm, which would surely get my real feelings across.

"You start tomorrow, at 4:30 sharp. You'll have to do your morning rituals faster than usual everyday until your training is complete." The Overmare responded. She carried a hint of annoyance in her tone about my previous statement. I assume the crowd was also annoyed because our conversation was taking so long. Normally meetings weren't a two pony chat that dragged on for a half hour. I was personally annoyed because I had to cut my morning naps out of routine, and probably shorten my shower time.

"Okay. One last question. Do I get a special title? Maybe something like 'Colonel Monster', or maybe 'Sergeant Terror'." I couldn't help but bug the stable dictator a bit more.

"No." The Overmare replied flatly. She waved her hoof in the air and said "Meeting adjourned everypony." I wasn't happy being drafted for the Overmare's personal army. That just made me the demon with authority. I'm sure other ponies will start to love me now. It's definitely not frightening to anypony when you give the boogeypony a weapon and some power.

On the bright side, I still had plenty of time to read tonight. Meetings always ended with a stable holiday, which really just meant we could have the rest of the day off. Tomorrow I started training under Night Watch. Maybe I could find redemption in an old friend.

I reported to security five minutes early. That way nopony could accuse me of being late. I was greeted by three guards. Out of the three, I knew one from school. He was one of the first ponies to laugh at the incident.

"Hey Iron Defender! I didn't know you grew up to join our stable Defense force! You really should have volunteered to watch my cell sometime when I was in jail. We could have had a party!"

He glowered at me. "That's no way to talk to an officer Joke." The pale yellow buck had a deeper voice than I remembered.

"But aren't I becoming an officer of the law myself?"

"That's not what I meant. I meant that's no way to speak to a commanding officer. I'm a sergeant here, you're just a trainee." I'd probably be you're commanding officer if I didn't get kicked out of school, prick. "Just look at Blue Knight here if you need an example of how to behave." He pointed his hoof to the cyan earth pony. "She follows orders, waits for her superiors to allow her to speak, makes sure to salute the other guards, and does a stand up job defending the citizens of Stable 82 from ponies like you." I'm pretty sure he meant defend the stable from me and only me. It's not often I see other ponies in jail, and when they are it's for something like theft.

"Okay 'Sergeant' Iron Defender." It was painful just saying that. "Permission to get to training?"

"Granted 'trainee'." Apparently was just as pained as me that I was joining security. He was probably afraid that the best in the academy was going to throw him off his pedestal and he'd be getting orders from me.

Then, I was escorted to my own special training cell in the back of the security wing. The room was mostly empty, with metallic walls and a one way window looking into the room to the left of the entrance. There were a few pony dummies here and there, made of roped together sandbags. In the far left corner there was an air vent, and it kept the room uncomfortably cold. It was like going back to school in a fancy prison.

I waited for about two minutes before Night Watch showed up. She moved with a stiff stride, yet in my eyes she looked like a model doing it. Damn I wished I hadn't asked her out all that time ago. I wished I kept my mouth shut. Maybe we would have stayed friends. Maybe I could have waited until we were older, and things would have gone differently. Instead, I messed up and became the outcast. Feared and hated by everypony in the damn stable.

Before we began, she ordered the other ponies standing at the door to leave, and added that she didn't want other ponies watching through the window. According to Night, she didn't want the rest of the security team needing more reason to fear me. Yup. Even security thought I could hurt them. Even though they had batons and guns.

"Dark Joke, stand in salute" Night ordered. Not wanting to disappoint the most beautiful cop ever, I did as told in a fraction of a second. Even if she never forgave me, I'd still do everything I could to prove to at least Night Watch I wasn't a monster.

"Now, trap that dummy in your crystals." She pointed her hoof to one on the far right. "Do your best."

"Yes ma'am." I replied with much less harshness than toward our squeaky bitch of an Overmare the day before. I focused on the dummy and channeled my magic. My horn flared with a thick purple, green, and black cloud. Then ten black crystals burst from the floor. Sadly three of them skewered the dummy.

"Well shit. I think I broke that one. Sorry ma'am." I hung my head, fearing I just made Night Watch think I'd end up murdering somepony.

"No need to be sorry Joke, accidents happen. We practice for a reason." She spoke in a casual tone for some unknown reason, which thoroughly confused me. Wasn't this just strict military training? Was she being friendly towards me? "Now, try again with the one directly adjacent and to the left of the first." She ordered, returning to an assertive, imposing volume. I was starting to get the feeling that all the important authority figures in the stable used that voice. If I was right about that, then only the Overmare and high ranking security officers were important officials.

I practiced for several hours, with mixed success. Some pony dummies were completely unharmed, some were torn to shreds. Fortunately I showed some signs of improvement towards the end, and starting destroying less. I messed up on about twenty, but I ended up successfully trapping roughly forty. At least my results were somewhat positive. I was curious as to why I was only practicing the crystal spell rather than full defense training, but I came to the conclusion that my crystals were all Stable 82 needed me for. I was also wondering where we kept all of these sandbag ponies, and that was a question I didn't think I'd ever find the answer to.

After finishing for the day, Night Watch decided to speak to me without her big bad soldier voice.

"Good job Joke, I really think you'll be helpful to us." Night's voice was so divine. It was great to speak to her again, even if this was just because she was my coach.

"Thank you ma'am, I think I might be able to help as well." And maybe in security everypony would see as more than hell spawn if I was the luckiest stallion alive. Sadly, demon with authority didn't seem good for my reputation in the stable.

"Listen Joke, you don't need to call me ma'am all the time. Just call me Night." Did she really just say that? I pleaded to the Goddesses I wasn't dreaming.

"Okay uh, Night," Just getting to call her by name was fantastic. "Thank you. It's a pleasure to join the security force." I lied through my teeth. In school I was a great liar, I wondered if I still was. In truth I didn't want to work in security. I just wanted to be liked by other ponies. I really just wanted some friends. At least one.

She sighed and rolled her eyes at me. "Joke, don't lie. I can tell when you lie." Apparently I lost my superb lying ability. "You don't want to work in security. You want ponies to like you. You want friends, don't you?" Apparently Night Watch could read my mind.

I exhaled deeply. "Yeah, you guessed it all right Night." I sat on my haunches, and hung my head. "It's kind of hard to get a stable full of ponies who think you're a vicious psychopath to like you." I raised my head to look straight at her. I hoped she could see that I wasn't a violent criminal. "It doesn't help that I have to show off my 'evil' magic to the whole stable in the name of security. Then even the foals will see why I'm the horror of Stable 82." I hung my head again, feeling the weight of my reaction back then all over again. "It'll just be another daily reminder that I don't have any friends in the stable. Just another reminder that I'm the outcast."

She put her hoof under my chin and raised my head to look at her. I could see tears beginning too form in the corner of her eyes. "You have a friend Joke. She just betrayed you, and keeps away out of shame." She got up and turned her back to me, lowering her head to the ground. "You have a friend who can't possibly forgive herself. Especially when not a day goes by that she wishes she had your forgiveness. You have a friend who recommended you for security, so that she could spend time trying to make amends." Her voice was pained, like she was affected by that day more than I was. I spent years wanting to earn Night's forgiveness, but never approached her fearing that I'd get arrested preemptively by the stable police to prevent a non-existent assault. Night Watch hired me to security so she could seek my forgiveness. I was both elated that she'd forgiven me for my outburst, and mad that I hadn't tried to talk to her myself. I saw then she carried more regret than I did from that day.

I stood up and put my hoof on her shoulder. She flinched, and looked up at me with reddened eyes. "Night, I forgave you for that long ago. I always wanted your forgiveness. I stayed away in shame just like you. It hurt to lose my best friend, and it happened because I couldn't control myself." I threw my hooves my hooves around her in a hug. I realized I needed to be there for my friend more than I needed her to be there for me this past decade.

She returned the embrace, crying into my shoulder. "It really does hurt, doesn't it?" I felt her tears mat my fur as she squeezed me. I may have initiated the hug, but I was going to let Night Watch decide when it would end. She was the one crying after all. We held on to each other for about ten minutes while she let her pain over the past decade flow out of her, and I was happy that I was finally given a chance at redeeming myself. Especially when my redemption came hoof in hoof with giving my old friend a shoulder to cry on. I even felt much of my own sorrow leave me as I rested my head against her long purple mane. That lovely mane with that thin silver stripe.

I was disappointed when she let go.

"So, we're friends?" I felt like an idiot the moment those words left my mouth.

Night Watch giggled and rolled her eyes. "Of course we are Joke." She's really the best friend a pony could have. I didn't want to be lonely again, and I didn't want to see my friend in pain ever again. "What do you say we eat together in the cafeteria tonight and catch up on lost time?" And Night still knew how to make me smile. Seriously, best friend in Equestria nominee right there.

"That sounds great!" I cheered almost immediately. "Although I'm not sure what I could say about the last decade. Life got dull after I finished reading all the books in the stable. And of course, reading's my main pass time as the boogeypony." That elicited a small smile from her.

"What exactly makes you the boogeypony? Do you hide under the foals' beds or do you hide in their closets?" She smirked and raised her brow questioningly. That one was almost too easy.

"I don't hide under the foals beds or in their closets. That's too generic. I hide under the parents beds. It's much more original." That got a laugh out of her. It was fantastic to see Night Watch laugh with me again. I just hoped we wouldn't have another falling out.

We left my special box together, sharing friendly conversation.

Unbeknownst to us, we were being spied on the entire time.

The next morning, I woke up at 3:30. I even got a good night's sleep for the first time in years. I showered, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and still had ten minutes before the alarm sounded. I even ate breakfast! It was just an apple, but it was still breakfast! With my morning finished so quickly I decided to do some reading before going off to defense training again. I could hardly focus on the words though. I was just so excited that I was going to spend another day with Night Watch! It was great to have a friend again. My mood swiftly changed after the morning alarm sounded. I initially planned on ignoring it along with the morning news, but today's first and only announcement was targeted directly at me.

"Dark Joke, you are to report to security at once. Skip any other activities, and be here in five minutes sharp." Well, that sounded urgent. I had no idea what it was about, and I had no guesses. Luckily I went about my morning already, so I wasn't showing up dirty and disheveled. I trotted over to the main security room through the currently empty halls. I was lucky everypony was just getting up, or I might have had to deal with the daily cowering and glaring. I was greeted by the Overmare and two guards upon arrival. I recognized one as my good pal Iron Defender who I had such a pleasant time chatting with yesterday. I was also met by two shotgun barrels.

"That's far enough Dark Joke." Our local dictator said. Apparently I'd committed some random crime I had no recollection of again. "You've committed violent acts before," Not as many as you thought you squeaky relic, "But this is just too far. An attack on the head of security is an attack on the stable." That was not going to fly.

"What! Why the hell would I attack Night Watch?" I shouted loud enough to bring my own ears to the verge of bleeding. The Overmare and her guards backed away fearing I'd kill them. After that accusation I was certainly considering it. "She's the only pony in the whole damn stable who I've ever been able to call a friend! We even had a warm reunion yesterday. She hugged me! We sat together at dinner last night you idiotic bitch!" I was on a verbal rampage. I wasn't about to stop. "I'm sick of everypony in the whole fucking stable thinking I'm going to kill them in their sleep. I'm tired of being blamed whenever somepony gets hurt, without any investigation beyond somepony randomly reporting an attack. Hell, do you guys just assume it's me, or is everypony in the fucking stable saying it's me, regardless of who actually did it?" My voice was practically shaking the room. "You all just fucking hate me, and want to sear the belief that I'm a fucking psychopath into everypony's head. I would never hurt Night. You all just want-"

My verbal assault was cut off by a warning shot. Shotgun pellets left a tight cone of small dents in the metal ceiling. Then Iron Defender levitated his weapon just inches from my head, the tip of the barrel almost touching my charcoal mane. Reminded of the ponies with guns, I reluctantly shut up. They all returned to their authoritative positions, and the Overmare continued to speak as if I never had that little tirade.

"For attacking our lead security pony, I am forced to take extreme measures. Luckily for you, I do not condone capital punishment in the stable. I feel that anypony willingly killing another is a heinous, vile act, even in justice. However, I will allow security to employ deadly measures when and only when an act of extreme violence is in progress in order to halt it from going any further." She glared at me with cold hatred and disgust. She actually thought I'd hurt Night Watch. I guessed the Overmare truly believed any and all accusations made towards me. It probably didn't help that she knew I hated her. "For making an attack on our stable's lead defense pony, I believe I must deliver the highest level punishment. You are to be exiled from Stable 82, and never return." What. the. Fuck.

Now, I didn't know much about the outside world, except what I learned in school. We were taught it was full of leftover radiation that made the air toxic and deadly. They said that there weren't any living ponies on the surface, and that the only other life in Equestria are ponies in other stables. We were taught that we'd only leave when Stable-Tec sent every stable a message that the outside was safe, and then we would rebuild. I didn't like this idea. I was sure that sending me out there would probably kill me. I decided to let our genius leader know this.

"You're a complete idiot! That's pretty much the death penalty itself! You know what they teach us, you control the damn curriculum. You even have since before even I was in school!" I determined shouting would be more than sufficient enough to get that point across. "Also, your dictatorness, your squeaky voice isn't threatening. Especially coming from a pony who's older than dirt." That snarky statement made her furious. It looked like her eyes were going to catch on fire from unrelenting hatred.

"Listen you piece of shit!" She dropped the formality she normally spoke with and went right into rage mode. "You're not about to speak to your superior that way." You're not my superior when I'm not a citizen. "Your going to shut your damn mouth, and get ready to leave my stable. You have ten minutes to grab any of your shit you want to take into the nothingness outside. Then, be at the stable door to get the fuck out!" She ended her rant by punching me in the face. That stung like hell, although it wasn't that surprising considering she was so concerned with the security force. She probably exercised with the guards all the time.

She stormed off fuming, and the two guards that stood next to her proceeded to escort me to my ex-stable house. They kept their guns aimed at me, ready to fire if I stepped out of line. Defender looked like he was dying to unload some rounds into my face. Neither of the soldiers said a word. I was glad, because I wasn't in the mood to speak. Who the hell would try and accuse me of attacking Night Watch? I doubt she got attacked at all! Oh no. What if she accused me of attacking her? What if she was manipulating me, what if she was just acting nice as some sort of sick joke? I felt like puking just thinking about it. Night Watch couldn't do something like that. I hoped she couldn't. I hoped she wasn't hurt, and this was all made up just to get rid of me. Please Celestia let Night be unharmed. I could live with punishment. I could live with betrayal. I couldn't live with Night Watch being hurt.

When we arrived my former home I packed as quickly as I could. I put on my saddlebags and gathered all my books, a couple blankets, some matches, and my tools. I also made sure to empty all my apples and water bottles out of my refrigerator. I was probably going to die upon contact with the surface, but I could at least be prepared on the off chance I survived.

Ten minutes is a lot quicker than it seems when your facing banishment. The guards came to retrieve me as I was grabbing my copy of "Ponies and Dragons 3: The Eye Of Destruction". They still didn't say a word, but their presence was a pretty good clue it was time to leave my home forever. Leave without saying goodbye to the divine mare who I could actually call a friend. I thought I saw Iron open his mouth to say something, but he shut it rather quickly without speaking.

Today was turning out to be complete shit.

Everypony in the stable anxiously stood at the stable entrance. The door hadn't been opened in 200 years, and today it was opening to throw me out. An event like this was bound to attract the entire population. It must have been exciting to be getting rid of the boogeypony for good. Looking around, I was hit by disbelief, but not from the fact that they all gathered to watch my banishment. I realized I hardly knew any of the ponies I'd spent my entire life up to this point living with. I scanned the crowd, and knew hardly any of them by name. I didn't even recognize the appearance of some of them. Had I really been so isolated I didn't recognize the ponies I spent the my life trapped with inside a glorified bunker?

Among the ponies I did recognize in the crowd were Pipeline, Iron Defender, the Overmare, and Blue Knight, although I didn't really know her at all. I expected to see them smile and cheer now that I was getting out, but that was before remembering the military code in our stable. Instead, everypony stood straight faced. All except the Overmare, who was still pissed from earlier. She was gritting her teeth. One thing to note though, was that Night Watch was nowhere to be seen. I hoped she was alright. It wouldn't be able to know for sure though, since I was  in the process of deportation.

The items I had for my leave included my stable uniform, my pip-buck, and everything I shoved into my saddlebags at my old home. The pip-buck seemed the most insignificant, since I'd never really used it for more than the Eyes Forward Sparkle, the compass, and taking notes. I knew it had a plethora of other features, but I mostly ignored the thing.

Nopony in the room said a word as I trudged towards the exit, ready to depart for good. I stopped in front of the door to Stable 82, and watched as the massive wheel screeched backwards along it's it's steel teeth, and then rolled to the side. Beyond it lay a dark cave, which was bound to have a path to the surface. I hoped I wouldn't get lost in there. I began stepping through when I heard a familiar voice.

"Wait, don't send him away!" Cried Night Watch. "He was framed, no one attacked me. They lied, and locked me in a cell when I wouldn't go along with them!" She wasn't hurt, and cared enough to defend me! Oh dear Luna, Night seriously cared about me, and she didn't have a scratch on her! I would have squealed happily, but imminent expulsion killed the mood.

"Night Watch, are you accusing our security team of injustice? If you have evidence that they've lied to the stable and to me, present it at once." For once in her life, the Overmare was actually seeking evidence for something? That was pretty damn surprising considering she'd never once considered any form of investigation before. She just blindly accepted whatever the guards told her about a crime. Luckily that beautiful mare was on my side, and I was sure she had some pull in the stable.

"Well ma'am, the evidence is me. I bear no signs of assault." Night responded. I really wanted to see the Overmare try and dispute that.

"Well Night Watch, what's to prevent me from believing you didn't access the security supply of super-restoration potions?" Was our leader always that stupid?

"Why would I be helping Dark Joke if he hurt me?" Night Watch struck back with a question of her own. I was thinking I might get out of that situation if I was lucky.

"He could very well be blackmailing you, perhaps with the looming threat of revenge if you speak of his crime." Yup, our leader was always that stupid. "If that is the case Night Watch, I'll have you know he will not be able to seek revenge should you give up this charade and speak the truth." I felt the urge to hit her with something heavy. And big. Really big. One of those rocks lying near the door might work. I had no idea how such a stupid pony could qualify for running a stable.

"He's not blackmailing me! The security team is corrupt!" Night Watch was shouting at the stable's imbecilic tyrant now, and doing it for me. Breaking the unwritten rule of never speaking out against the Overmare, in the name of our friendship. Even with my impending exile, the thought of her standing up to our leader for me made me feel elated. Too bad the local dictator was incredibly dense.

"How dare you accuse our security team of injustice?! The same defense ponies you have led for years?" The Overmare shouted. She managed to not squeak for once, which gave her voice a surprisingly terrifying boom. "You have no evidence Night Watch, and so my mind will not change. Dark Joke is still to be exiled. You will be punished later for your accusations, and are hereby removed from stable security." I was about to speak in defense of Night Watch, and probably spout some hateful remarks, but was cut off when she spoke for herself.

"You're evil. You all are. Dark Joke isn't a monster. You just love having somepony to hate. The collective hate of Joke is the only thing that keeps you all unified. He's spent years as the outcast, with nopony to love him, or even be his friend. You're all lucky Radiance isn't around anymore. She'd teach you all that you're the monsters here." She was right about that. My mom was one the only pony in the whole stable that got more respect than the Overmare. It was earned respect too, rather than the forced respect of the unworthy ruler of Stable 82. I hadn't become the stable hate-dumpster yet when she got sick. That wasn't something to think about now though, not with impending banishment.

"If you're sending Joke out there, then I'm going too!" I nearly started hopping gleefully like a foal, forgetting all my worries and sorrows for a moment. Night was coming with me. Even knowing as well as I do that we probably wouldn't last long, she was coming with me. That moment made me feel like the happiest stallion alive. If there was something out there, we'd be able to face it together. The Overmare was speechless, as was everyone else in the stable. All those jerks sat with their mouths hung open, seeing a respected citizen choose to join the object of their hate and fear in exile. Night strode up next to me, head held high, and we both turned to face the dark cave ahead.

"Let's go Joke, we'll handle this together." The best damned friend I could ever ask for.

Then, we trotted into the dark cave, with Night using her pip-buck as a flashlight. I decided should probably learn how to use that feature later, it could come in handy. Behind us, I heard the door squeal shut, sealing us out of the stable. With each step we took into the dark unknown, I realized what I thought was a cave was actually just a long tunnel.  The air in here was damp and unpleasantly warm, and made my coat feel hot and sticky. On the sides of the path I noticed some green mushrooms growing on few of the rocks. I chose to avoid the glowing fungus so I wouldn't die of poison before seeing the surface.

After a few minutes, Night and I reached an aged wooden door. It was framed by timber supports, with metal fencing coating the rest of the wall. Light shined through holes in the fencing and the door, highlighting the stony grey ground beneath our hooves. I wrapped the doorknob in my magic, and got prepared to face whatever lay behind it.

"You ready to see the surface?" I asked.

"I am when you are." Night answered.

"Well then, off we go."