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Nick Pick, jailbreaker and thief extrodanaire
I ran as fast as I possibly could, the royal guard in hot pursuit. They hadn’t taken to kindly to me nicking some bits from the captains pocket. Before you ask, no, I’m not a pickpocket. Well, not usually anyway, I’m a thief and jail breaker by trade. Don’t know what a jail breaker is? Well you’ll find out soon enough. Anyway, we were in the Canterlot market place, which, believe it or not, would’ve made escaping easier. It was crowded, there were ponies everywhere, buying “rare” trinkets from a stall, or peddling fresh picked fruits on the street. I could‘ve disappeared in an instant, if I wanted to. I was admiring the scenery a little bit when a shout from behind me reminded me I was still on the job. I waited until one of the guards was close enough, then kicked him right in the jaw, which caused a loud crack that would’ve made most ponies cringe. Gotta love combat boots, eh? After he hit the ground I continued to run, diving through the occasional merchant stall, much to the dismay of the owners. “Hey! You break it, you buy it!” one of them yelled at me. I didn’t bother responding, as I was in a hurry. I knew right were I was going, and I needed to get there soon, with guards in tow. Eventually I led the chase out of the market district and into the residential area. It was a nice enough place, not somewhere I could afford to live in, but a nice place. Big mansions, with big gardens, and owners with bigger wallets. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’d want to live here, even if I could. The place is filled with arrogant pricks who look down on people like me who do what’s necessary to survive. But I digress. We were still running when I noticed an alleyway. ‘perfect.’ I thought to myself. I stalled for a moment. Debating whether I should go in or not. “HALT! THIEF! YOU CAN’T RUN FOREVER!” I looked behind me to see the guards on their way down the street. They could obviously see me, so I decided to take the alleyway. Now I’m sure you’re all thinking, “why didn’t you just take it in the first place? You could’ve lost ‘em!” well I’ll tell you why. It’s all part of the plan. I know this city like the back of my hoof, and I know what I’m doing. So I ran down the alley, it was thin. Not enough to make it uncomfortable, but enough to make it to where I couldn’t spread my wings, if I had the desire to. I’ll explain why I haven’t just flown away yet later. For right now, I’m still running, and I can here the clanking of the guards armor from behind me. I checked to make sure I hadn’t swallowed my lock picks. Nope, they’re still there. ‘Good, I’m gonna need those where I’m goin.’ I thought to myself. Eventually I hit a dead end. Walls to my left, walls to my right, wall in front of me, and royal guards behind. All is going according to plan. Took them a while, but they caught up to me. “We’ve finally caught you. Alright, Nick Pick, you are under arrest, for; breaking into the palace, stealing from a captain of the royal guard, causing panic in the streets, assaulting an officer, and vandalism. The fine for such acts is three hundred bits, pay the fine, or sleep in a cell for the next few months. Your choice.” said the guard next to me. I didn’t have enough money on me to pay the fine, especially since the captain only had twenty in his pocket. I had no choice but to submit. “Alright, ya got me. I’ll serve my time, since the captain can‘t seem to pay the fine for me.” I said as I turned around with a laugh, hooves in the air. That laugh was short lived, however, as the joke earned me a kick to the gut. I doubled over in pain, and the guards simply dragged me away. When we got back to the palace, I was searched. They made me empty my pockets, revealing the key to my house, some coin(most of it the captains.), and two daggers, which I kept on my person at all time, in case a heist went haywire. After that, they decided to frisk me, in case I had anymore blades on me, which I didn’t. content with their search of my personal possessions, they mad me hand in all my clothes. I hoofed over my black turtle neck, which I used because it has pockets, my black hooded cloak, which I believe explains itself, and my black combat boots, worn specifically for the purpose of breaking a jaw before I got caught. My dad always told me, don’t fuck with a pony wearing “comboots”, as he used to call them, because they will mess you up worse then an angry manticore. After that they threw in my cell, and that was it. Now this is where I explain everything that‘s been confusing you. Jail breaking is where somepony pays you to get yourself thrown in prison, for the express reason of breaking out. Usually they want you to also bust out a loved one, or kill somepony they don’t like before you brake out. But this time, I was getting paid to prove that the Canterlot prison could be escaped. I don’t know what the big deal is, I’ve escaped from there before then, but if it pays, it pays. I decided to take some time to figure out a plan. In case you haven’t noticed yet, I just make shit up as I go along. It’s worked for me so far, so I don’t plan on changing. Ironically, I was in the same cell I was when I broke out the first time. They’d probably upgraded the locks since then, considering it was ten years ago. I waited until the officer patrolling the hall turned a corner, then got to work. They had indeed upgraded the locks, but not enough to the point that I couldn’t pick it. I Didn’t earn a lock pick cutie mark for nothing. Took me about fifteen minutes, and I broke my first pick, but I managed to get the right spot for the door to open. Unfortunately, rusted iron hinges creak, and in a place made entirely of stone, the sound tends to get around. Now I try to refrain from violence as much as possible, especially when a contract offers a bonus for no corpses, but a stallions gotta do what a stallions gotta do. When one of the guards finally got to the hallway where my cell was, he seemed completely flabbergasted. “How did you get out? Those locks are supposed to be unpickable!” he said, obviously not knowing who I am. He soon regained his composure, though, and drew his sword. “Get back in the cell now, before I have to use this.” he said, though his voice, and his hooves, were shaking.
“New recruit, eh?”
“How’d you know?”
“Lucky guess. Now I know you don’t have the balls to take a swing at me, so why don’t you just give me all your stuff so I can get out of here with minimal bloodshed? You’ll be helping me and all your friends in the guard.” I said, hoping he would at least let me by. However, I wasn’t expecting him to let his guard down.
“All my stuff? Why wou-” I never gave him a chance to finish that sentence. I quickly ran up and kicked him in the gut, dropping him to his hind knees. Then I turned and bucked him in the face, knocking him out cold. I dragged him into my cell, took his armor, his weapon, his gold, and all his keys before I threw him onto the cot. Now I don’t know if you know this, but guard armor has an enchantment that changes the color of whoever wears its coat and mane to pure white, and completely makes their cutie mark invisible. So now I was a pure white Pegasus pony, while the “prisoner” was now a dark brown, also a Pegasus. Funny how that works out. I walked out of the cell, closing and locking the door behind me, and proceeded to simply walk out of prison. I wondered how long it would take before they realized I was gone. Safe money was on two day, at least. I passed a few other guards, but they all believed me to be one of them. As long as I kept my mouth shut I could get out of here without a hitch. All I needed to do was get to the evidence locker and get all my stuff back. Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I cant just buy replacements with the money I’m getting for this job, or if all else fails steal replacements. The answer is quite simple, they belonged to my father, who was also a master thief. He’d had them enchanted before he died, so that the turtle neck’s pockets could hold anything you could fit into it, knives, gold, whatever. If it could make it past the top of the pocket, it would fit. The boots granted the wearer a little extra muscle, so that if the need arose, they could seriously fuck some ponies up. The cloak made the wearer harder to spot. When I’m wearing that, if I walk into a crowd, or even a dark alley, I’m gone, never see me again, peace out homie. The daggers tended to leave only superficial wounds unless you actually wanted the target dead. If that was the case, the daggers would, quite literally, drain the life from them. I only saw it happen once, and it‘s haunted my dreams since. But that’s a story for another time. Anyway, there was no way I was going to leave those behind. When I reached the door to the evidence locker, it was locked. I tried every key on the key ring I got from the rookie. None of ‘em worked. “Well then, I’m screwed.” I said aloud, not really caring if anypony heard me.
“you haven a problem there son?” asked a voice from off to my left. I looked to see an old acquaintance of mine, by the name of Captain Firecloak. Unicorn, a few inches shorter then me, but built like a brick house. His coat was a bright orange, and his mane was as well, with streaks of red, from what I‘m told at least. As I said earlier, armor makes ‘em all look white as fallen snow. He‘s been after me for a few about seven years now, but the case has been cold for six. I do my homework, otherwise I wouldn‘t have made it this far. Long story short, I’d pulled off a long string of thefts in Manehattan, people there taking to calling me “The Shadow.” he had been assigned to the case, and has a personal vendetta against me, as the one that got away. Though thankfully he only knows the alias, and not the pony behind it.
“Uh, yes sir. I’ve been given permission to take a look at some of the items from the incident involving one Nick Pick, I have reason to believe he may have had something to do with another theft that I’m investigating. However, it seems that I don‘t have the right key to open the door to the evidence locker.”
“Here son, let me get that for ya then. Now did you say theft?”
“Yes sir, there was a break in at a small coffee shop the day before we apprehended him, and I wish to see if he may have performed that as well.” I said, giving him one of the heists I had done the day before. One of about six.
“Any chance it was The Shadow? Did it have any of the same signs?” he asked, hoping he had gotten a new lead on me, after his case had been cold for nearly a six years. If he only knew just who he was talking to, he’d probably be kicking himself right now.
“No sir, but this Pick character matches the witness’s description to the letter, so I’m just following leads.”
“Oh, alright then, there you go, good luck kid.”
“Princess Luna!? You hired me? Why?”
“it’s simple really, I’ve been telling Tia that we need to increase security in the prison, to make sure people such as yourself can not escape. Every time she told me that nopony could escape, as it has the best security around, and thus I hired you to prove her wrong. Before we discuss your pay, was violence necessary?”
“I had to knock one guard out, but that was it. He’s currently sleeping in my cell. If I remember right, you said there was a bonus if I didn’t kill anypony.”
“I did. Now your payment. How does five thousand bits and a new home in the town of Ponyville sound? Before you ask, the house is the bonus.” in all honesty it sounded great. I’d heard of the place, small town, nice ponies, and no starvation. That and the fact that she was paying me, and buying me a house just for breaking out of prison sounded like a great deal. But I’m a business stallion.
“Make it six thousand and it’s a deal.” I said. I know I was pushing it a bit, but what can I say? I’m optimistic.
“Done. I’ll have a chariot stop by to take you to your new home tomorrow, the funds will be waiting on the table when you get there. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.” she said getting up to leave. I was shocked. I just got away with bargaining with one of the princesses. As soon as she was out the door, I began to pack. I didn’t have all that much. Some clothes, some mementos, some weapons for the higher risk jobs, and the other tools of the trade, lock picks and such. I was done packing by nightfall, and I made sure to thank Luna before I went to bed that night. I just couldn’t wait to get out of that hell hole. I didn’t dream that night. I rarely did anymore, and what nights I did, I had nightmares. When I awoke in the morning, there was a sky chariot waiting right outside my door. I grabbed my dads box and my bag, walked out the door and hoped in the chariot. Next stop, Ponyville.
Paranoia, parties, and fights, oh my!
When we arrived, a few hours later, the pegasi drawing the chariot landed in front of a house that seemed pretty run down, but still in decent shape. It wasn’t falling apart, so it was good enough for me. I thanked them for the ride, grabbed my things, and walked in. one of the things that worried me was that my door didn’t have a lock. I’ve made a few enemies in my line of work, so I at least like to have something to keep me safe while I sleep. ‘oh well,’ I thought to myself, ‘it’s a nice neighborhood, I doubt I’m gonna need a lock.’. I decided to take a tour of the house, figure out where everything was. I soon found out that the Princess had also paid for furnishings for my new house. I’d have to thank her if I ever saw her again. Eventually I found my way to the kitchen. Sitting on the table was a note and a bag. The note read
“Dear mister Pick
Sincerely
Princess Luna.”
“It’s just Pinkie being, well, Pinkie.” said a feminine voice from behind me. Now I don’t know how most people react when they hear a voice behind them, but a certain encounter that ended in a new scar on my throat has given me the tendency to assume a fighting position. I turned around hastily to the source of the voice, one hoof reaching for my dagger on my hip, ready to draw it if I had to. I know it probably wasn’t necessary, but it’s habit. What I found behind me wasn’t somepony out for blood, but a lavender unicorn, now with a look of fear on her face.
“Oh! Shit, I’m sorry, I’m a little paranoid.” I said, putting my hoof back down and feeling like a complete dumb ass. I haven’t even lived here for a day yet and I’m already assuming everypony’s out to get me.
“It’s alright, I probably shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. So, are you new in town?” she asked, looking more at ease now that I wasn’t reaching for a weapon.
“yeah, actually just got here. Now, about that Pinkie character…”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. She’s Ponyvilles resident party pony. She throws a party for just about everything, especially when there’s a newcomer. By the way, my name’s Twilight Sparkle. And you are?”
“My name’s Nick, Nick Pick, nice to meet you.” I said, extending my hoof for a hoofshake, which she took. “So when should I expect this party?” I asked.
“Oh, probably the second you walk back into your house. She did the same to me when I moved here about a year ago.”
“Oh great, so I should expect to end up dropping anything I’m carrying when I walk in?”
“pretty much, yeah.”
‘well that’s just awesome,’ I thought to myself, ‘a bunch of strangers, in my house, uninvited, and they just might find my stashes of loot, awesome.’ I thanked Twilight for the heads up, and continued on my way, eventually coming to the main marketplace, where there were stalls set up in a semi-circle. Suddenly, a small yellow filly with a red bow in her mane walked up to me.
“Hey there mister! You wanna buy some apples? Fresh picked, and only four bits each!” I thought about that for a moment. Fresh apples were hard to come by back in Manehattan or Canterlot.
“You know what? I think I will, I’ll take six red delicious apples please.” I said, much to the joy of the filly.
“Ya hear that Applejack!? He wants to buy SIX red delicious apples! That’ll be twelve bits mister.” she said, yelling to somepony over at the apple stand. I simply chuckled.
“Actually, I think that would be twenty four bits. Here you go.” I said as I pulled out the bag holding my current funds, which caused her eyes to go wide. I pulled out twenty four bits and handed them to her, just as another pony, presumably the “Applejack” that had been mentioned before, walked up with a basket of apples in her teeth.
“Here ya go mister, six apples. Ah appreciate you not takin’ advantage of the fact mah sister here ain’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to math. By the way, ah’m Applejack, and this is mah sister Applebloom.” she said after she put the basket down. She seemed like an honest pony. Honesty, from what I’ve seen, gets ponies killed, so I made a mental note to not get to attached to her.
“It’s no trouble at all. I don’t exactly like to cheat kids out of money. Names Nick, nice to meet you two.”
“Ah knew I’d never seen ya here before! You must be new in town!”
“Heh, yeah. I already got the memo on Pinkie, so I know what to expect when I get home tonight.”
“Ha! You’ve got no clue! Anyway, pleasure doin’ business wit’ ya, ah’ll see ya around.” she said as she walked back to the stall. that’s when I noticed Applebloom was still staring at me.
“Where’d ya get all that money mister?” she asked. I decided to tell a portion of the story.
“Well you see, princess Luna needed help with something, so she hired me. I did a real good job, so gave me a lot of money and paid for me to be moved out here. She just nice like that.” I said with a bit of a laugh. I hadn’t lied to her, I just didn’t tell the whole truth.
“What did she need help with?”
‘shit,’ I thought, ‘I should’ve seen that coming ummmm….’ “well I had to sign a contract saying I wouldn’t tell anypony, if I do I could be arrested. You don’t want me to get arrested do you?” alright, I admit, I was pulling at straws here. I’m not very creative when it comes to lying to foals. They believe things no sane adult would, and vice versa. Having grown up only lying to adults, lying to kids was difficult. Fortunately, my bluff worked.
“Oh no! Ah wouldn’t wanna that, ah’m sorry!”
“Heh, it’s alright, now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got other stuff I have to do. I’ll see you around.” I said as I picked up my basket of apples and walked away. It was getting kinda late, and I had enough food to last me until tomorrow, and I figured I might as well go home and face the music. On the way home I bumped into a few more residents, who asked my name, you know, all the “new neighbor“ questions. I managed to avoid the “So what do you do for a living?” question. When I finally got back my house, I hesitated at the front door. I decided to put the apples down before I opened the door. The inside of the house was unnaturally dark. I walked in, wondering where the light switch was, when suddenly somepony flipped it. “SURPRISE!!” yelled what seemed to be all of Ponyville at the same time, which nearly gave me a heart attack. Then Pinkie bounded up from the middle of the crowed.
“So!? Do you like your party!? Were you surprised!? Huh, huh, huh?” she asked, speaking at a pace I almost couldn’t keep up with.
“Yeah, thanks, I really appreciate you going through all the trouble of setting this up on such short notice.” I said. But in all honesty, I’m not really one for large gatherings. If I couldn’t easily get to my pre-set escape route, I’m extremely uncomfortable. I grabbed the basket of apples again, setting it on the coffee table in the living room.
“Oh! I almost forgot, my name’s Pinkie! What’s yours?”
“ You have no idea how many times I’ve answered that question today.” I said with a slight laugh, not really wanting to have to introduce myself again. Luckily I was saved by somepony calling for me.
“Hey! Nick! What’s this note on the table?” asked a voice that sounded like Twilights. ‘oh shit…..’ I thought as I ran towards the kitchen. When I got there, Twilight was reading the not, while a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail was reading it over her shoulder.
“Oh my gosh dude! You work for princess Luna?!” said the pegasus, which earned her an evil look from the lavender unicorn.
“No, I don’t work for the princess, I work for whoever pays. No more, no less. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t just kinda read my mail.” I said as I swiped the note away from Twilights magic so I could throw it in the trash.
“So, what kind of work do you do?” asked the same pegasus. Not gonna lie, she annoyed the hell out of me.
“Depends on who’s paying.” I said simply, “And the business I do stays between me and my client.” this answer didn’t seem very satisfactory for her, as she frowned and flew off, leaving me and Twilight alone in the kitchen.
“So the princess bought this house for you?” she asked me, breaking the awkward silence that had grown in the room.
“Yes she did. As a bonus for me fulfilling an optional part of the deal.”
“and what was the deal?” she asked. I began to wonder if everypony in this town was so damn nosy. That question was answered when Applejack decided to join the conversation.
“Come on Twi’, don’t be so nosy, besides, ya heard him, business stays between him an’ whoever hires him. Can’t say ah like that policy much, but it’s your business, so I don’t have to.” she said. It was nice to know that somepony understood a good business practice. I opened my mouth to say something, next thing I know, I’m looking up at Pinkie, who has the widest smile on her face. “YOU HAVE A GUITAR?!! Play us a song, pleasepleasepleaseplease!!!” she said, and then for added effect gave me puppy dog eyes. For some reason, I couldn’t resist her request when she used the eyes.
“Alright, fine, I’ll play. I warn you though, I’m not very good.” I said. Pleased with this, she got off of me and helped me up, then ran off to get my guitar. I only knew a few songs, and could play even less any good. I walked into the living room, where everypony was suddenly quiet and standing around a stool in the middle of the room. Where it had come from and how everypony fit in my house, I’ll never know. I sat down on the stool as Pinkie hoofed me my guitar. I played a few practice notes to get the hang of it again, then began to play one of my favorite songs.
“Now, some bright morning, when this life is over,
I’ll, fly away. To that land on Celestia’s shore,
I’ll, fly away. I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah by and by, I’ll fly away.
When the troubles of this life are over, I’ll fly away.
To that land, on Celestia’s shore, I‘ll fly away.
I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away,
When I die, Hallelujah by and by, I’ll fly away.
Like a bird, from prison bar has flown, I’ll fly away.
To a land, where no sorrows are known, I’ll fly away.
I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah by and by, I’ll fly away.”
When I finished the song, everypony cheered, saying that I was the best guitarist they’d ever seen that wasn’t a unicorn. I simply laughed and thanked them for their kind words. I didn’t really care that much. Applejack walked up to me as I was putting the guitar away. “You alright there?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, why?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if I was acting strange or something, but then she just kinda pointed at my eye. I put my hoof, to my face, only to feel that the hair around my eyes was damp. That’s when I realized I must’ve been crying at some point while I was playing. “huh, didn’t notice that.”
“Riiiiiiight, look, ah ain’t judgin or nothing’, sometimes ya just gotta let it out, ah understand, but ah can’t help ya if ya don’t let me.” she said. I had been honest, I hadn’t noticed until she pointed it out. What she didn’t realize is that I didn’t want or need help, I wasn’t letting anything out I’d buried all my hatchets long ago, along with my fair share of bodies. But I didn’t want to come off as an asshole or anything, so I came up with some random, yet slightly true, excuse for it.
“I’m fine, it’s just I kinda always found that song to be a theme for me. Guess I put to much emotion into it.” I said, and I wasn’t lying about the first part. when you don’t know if you’re going to wake up in the morning, you tend to see death as a release. She simply nodded, then walked away to mingle with others. That’s when the cyan pegasus came back to annoy the hell out of me some more.
“So do you play guitar?”
“No, that’s more of a hobby. You know I never caught your name.”
“And you never told me what you do.”
“Touché.”
“What?” she asked, puzzled by what I had said. I sighed, losing some faith in pony kind.
“Let me rephrase that. Well played.”
“Oh, I get it now. So ya gonna tell me?”
“nope.” this obviously wasn’t the answer she was expecting, as she was taken aback by it. “Who you are isn’t as important to me as keeping what I do, and as many of my clients as physically possible, unknown.”
“Well if that’s so important to you, why’d you leave that note out, huh?” she asked. I have to admit, she could debate. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought she was a politician.
“Because I wasn’t aware my home was going to be invaded by all Ponyville, so I figured I’d get rid of it when I got home.”
“Eh, good enough.” she said. Obviously bored by the fact that I still wouldn’t disclose what my business was, she walked off. That’s when I noticed that everypony was leaving. ‘about damn time,’ I thought, ‘I was beginning to wonder if they were ever gonna leave.’ soon all that was left was Applejack, Twilight, that cyan pegasus, another pegasus, who was yellow with a pink mane, and a white unicorn with a purple mane. And that’s when the shit hit the fan.
“Hey Nick! What’s in this box I found under your bed? It’s got your last name on it!” came Pinkies voice from upstairs.
“Oh shit, PINKIE! DON’T YOU DARE OPEN THAT BOX!!” I yelled as I began running up the stairs. I was apparently to late, as when I got there she had some of it’s contents on the floor.
“I’m soooooooo sorry, I didn’t know you didn’t want me to open it.” she said with an innocent look on her face. But I didn’t care, I was furious.
“Wait wait wait…. Let me get this straight…. You went into my bedroom…. Found a box, that I had hidden under my bed….. And didn’t think that I might not want you to open it?” I asked, barley able to hold back my rage.
“Yeah, that’s pretty much it!” she said, a smile returning to her face. I lost it.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!? WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IN HERE TO BEGIN WITH?!?” I screamed at her, which in retrospect wasn’t the best idea I ever had, considering her five best friends were still there. But I didn’t know that they were there, let alone that they were all friends. Pinkie was backing into a corner, scared of me, and it looked like she was about to cry. I was about to start yelling some more when the others came up.
“what the hay is goin’ on here? What’re ya screamin’ about?” said Applejack.
“I’m screaming about the fact that this… this dumbass,” I said, pointing a hoof at Pinkie, causing her to flinch away some more, “decided it was a good idea to go through my shit! Specifically shit I had literally hidden. How she fucking found it, I don’t know, nor do I care, she had the bright fuckin’ idea to open up the fucking box, and her only excuse was that she didn’t know I didn’t want her to open it. My problem isn’t with the fact that she opened the box, it’s that she lacks the common sense to know she shouldn‘t have, or even alone be up here in the first place.” I said. I was trying as hard as I could not to scream anymore, but I was still pissed of to a degree I’d never been pissed of before.
“What’s in the box?” Twilight asked.
“I don’t know, all I know is that it’s what my dad had on him when he died. I wasn’t going to check it until tomorrow, but now that somepony opened it, I might as well do it now. Now I would appreciate it if you would all get the hell out of my house.” I said, and they all caught the hint, except for that damn pegasus. I swear, she’s more stubborn then my mom was.
“I still don’t think you should’ve treated her so bad.” she said.
“Look, I don’t have to explain jack shit to you, but because I have a feeling you wont leave me the hell alone until I do, I will. Think about it from my perspective for a moment, alright? I just moved to town, I literally hid this box in a trap door I found under my bed, so that nopony would find it while I was gone. When I found out there was gonna be a party for me at my place, I thought it was a good thing I put it there, that nopony would even go into my bedroom. So imagine how pissed off you would be if you were me, you walked into your bedroom, to find someone you just met not only in your room, but obviously going through your shit, specifically the shit you haven’t even seen yet. In fact you’re lucky I didn’t just fucking kick everyone out in the first place, cuz I don’t exactly like uninvited guests. You don’t have to agree with it, you just have to fuckin’ deal with it. Now get the hell out before I throw you out on your ass.” I said. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with dumb broads who couldn’t take a hint.
“I’d like to see you try!” she said, taking a fighting stance. I sighed, threw my dagger on my bed, and then jacked her right in the knee cap, which caused it to bend the wrong way with a sickening crack. “Aahhh, you broke my knee! What the hell?!” she screamed, with a mixture of pain and anger.
“I’m not in the mood to deal with this shit right now. And since I told you if you didn’t leave you were going to get hurt, along with the fact that you challenged me, you can’t press any charges that will stick. Now why don’t you limp your ass over to the hospital? I’m sure they need something to justify their wages.” I said, not really caring that she was hurt. Not my problem, so I’m not gonna do anything about it.
“you’re not even gonna help me get there?” she asked, shocked at what I said.
“Give me one good reason I should, and I’ll consider it.” I said, knowing there was nothing she could do that would phase me. I’ve gotten beatings before, it’s how I accumulated most of my scars, part of the reason I wore a turtle neck at all times.
“I’ll get Applejack to whoop your sorry flank!” she said, confident that would do it. I laughed.
“Well she can try, and even if she does, it’s nothing I haven’t been through before. Hell, I’d bet money I’ve had worse. Anything else?”
“I’ll make sure nopony ever sells you anything, ever again!”
“Who said I needed to acquire anything legally? Besides, your current situation is your own fault, so unless you plan on leaving that part out, that plans shit to begin with.” she began to panic, I could tell by the look in her eyes, it was a pleading look that just screamed “Help me!”, but I didn’t really care. Comes with the job.
“Please, just help me! I’ll do anything you want!” she said, obviously getting desperate. It was like one of the many steps of grief, I cant remember which one. I think It was three. Whatever number it was, it’s bargaining.
“And what can you do that I would possibly need? Cuz if your thinking I’ll help you in exchange for sex, I hate to burst your bubble, but it ain’t gonna happen.” this seemed to have been her plan, because she began to look more worried. Now don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice piece of flank, but what she’s asking for is a service, and unless you can provide me with money or an equal service, it’s not gonna happen. Besides, it probably would‘ve led to one of us wanting to start a relationship. In my line of business, that‘s something you want to avoid.
“Umm, shit…. Umm….” she was struggling. The adrenaline of the moment was beginning to wear off, as soon as it did, odds were she’d pass out from the pain, and that’s the last thing I needed.
“Alright, I can’t have you blacking out on my floor, so I’ll help you, but you owe me bug time for this, alright? I ask you for a favor, you better fucking help me or shit will get real bad, real fast, you got it?” I asked. I was being dead serious too. Had this one pony, I called in a favor and they wouldn’t do it, so next time I saw ‘em, well lets just say he’s seen better days and leave it at that, eh?
“Alright, whatever, just help me up damn it!” she said, holding out her good forehoof. I took it, then swung her up onto my back. When I walked out of the house she gave me directions to the hospital, usually in the form f pointing and saying “that way.”. It took a good two hours, but we made it there. Of course she was out an hour before, which is why it took another hour. When we got there, we were immediately greeted by a white unicorn with a pink mane.
“Hello, I’m nurse Redheart, what seems to be the…. Oh, I see. What did she do this time?” she asked, seeing the cyan pegasus’ leg bent the wrong way.
“Thought it was a good idea to start a fight after I told her to get the hell out of my house. Before you ask, yes, I broke her knee, she wouldn’t leave, I told her she’d get hurt if she didn’t. obviously she didn’t listen.” the nurse looked shocked at this, obviously never having seen an injury as a result of violence before.
“Oh, alright then. Right this way. I swear, sometimes I think we should give her her own room here.”
“Is she in here that often? I mean, I could tell she was dumb, but that dumb?” I asked, trying to make a joke out of it. The nurse didn’t find it very funny.
“now, I’m going to have to ask you a few question….. Wait a minute, you’re the stallion that just moved here!”
“why yes I am. Not even here for a day, and I’m already dragging somepony’s sorry flank to the E.R.”
“yeah, well everypony’s dragged her in here at least once.”
“Now, I have to ask this, but what’s her name? she wouldn’t tell me for some reason.”
“Oh, that’s strange, she usually want’s everyone to know who she is. Her name’s Rainbow Dash. She likes to brag about winning the best young fliers competition, but it gets old after a while. Anyway, I‘ll take it from here, thanks for bringing her in.” she said as we walked into a hospital room, using her magic to levitate Rainbow off of my back and onto a bed.
“No problem. I’ll just be heading home now.” I said, turning and walking away. I’d had enough of other ponies to last a few months, and was eager to get home. When I got outside, I decided to just say “fuck it” and fly home. When I walked inside, I found a letter had been put through the mail slot. It read
“Dear Nick,
Still kinda sad
Pinkie Pie”
I groaned. Maybe I had been too harsh on her. I decided I’d go talk to her about it tomorrow. That is unless some of Rainbows friends decided to confront me about why she’s in the hospital first. That oughta be interesting. I walked upstairs into my bedroom, gathered all the things that Pinkie had taken out of the box and put them back in, checking my hidey hole to see if anything else was missing. Everything was as it should be, so I slid the box back into the hole. I put my dagger under my pillow and went to sleep, expecting another dreamless night. Oh, how wrong I was.
The past will come to haunt you....
I looked around me. I was no longer in my house in ponyville. I was now back in the old, decaying apartment I had lived in back in Manehattan. I checked myself, finding both my daggers on my hip. Suddenly I heard a feminine voice from behind me as a hoof wrapped around my mouth. “Did you miss me babe?” she asked, as another hoof brought a dagger up to throat, pressing hard enough to begin to draw blood. “Because I wont miss you.” she whispered into my ear as she drew her blade to her right, slitting my throat. There was blood everywhere, I couldn’t breathe in, so I decided not to breathe out. She let go of my mouth, letting me drop to the floor. She turned me over so I could look into her eyes one last time. She was a dark purple unicorn mare with a pitch black mane and golden yellow eyes. Eyes filled with bloodlust at the moment. “Come now Nick, don’t look so surprised. You’re the one who’s always saying “trust nopony”, aren’t you?” I was dieing and I knew it, so I used what breath I had to ask her one… last… question…
“Why? Why would you…”
“Shhh, sh sh sh… Isn’t obvious my love? I want everything to myself. And there’s a pretty large sum on your head. All the money I need, and all the blow I can snort? Now most ponies in this city would simply kill for this opportunity.” she said with a chuckle, obviously amused by her little pun. I tried to reach for one of my daggers, but she caught me and pinned my hooves to the ground. “Oh? Trying to take me with you, are you? Well, I cant allow that. I must take my leave, as I have a mane and coat dyeing appointment to get to while you’re, well, dieing. Oh, and I guess I‘ll have to get my cutie mark covered up as well, pity. Oh well. Ta Ta!” she said as she got up and galloped out the door. As I watched the blood pool around my head, I wondered if she would ever be caught. ‘I guess it doesn’t really matter now, does it?’ I thought as I succumbed to my slow death.
That’s when a woke up. I was sweating, panting, and completely freaked out. I was slightly consoled by the fact that Celestia‘s sun was up. That was the third time this week I’d had that dream. I wasn’t chasing her, but if I found her she was in for a world of shit. That had happened nine years ago, the only pony I ever trusted decided to try and kill me so she could have everything we had to herself. I should’ve seen it comein’ but, well, that’s why I avoid relationships now. I had this weird feeling that she was close. It made me even more paranoid. “Come on, you just gotta chill out. If she was here, she would’ve killed you last night while you slept.” I said to myself. I rubbed the scar on my throat. “But if she is here, she’s in for an ass whoopin’.” I realized I had fallen asleep in my clothes, so I went into the basement and threw my turtle neck in the washer. I’d get it later today. I wasn’t above showing the world my scars. I decided I should just leave my boots at home as well, if the shit hits the fan, I’d have a blade on me, so I wasn’t worried. I sheathed said blade, threw on my cloak to hide my cutie mark, and walked out the door, wondering what I should do. I had enough food for the next couple days, and I had enough coin to buy more when the need arises. I decided I should go into town and talk to Pinkie, apologize for being so harsh on her. When I got to town, however, I was stopped by Applejack.
“Hold on there mister Pick. I was just at the hospital earlier today, got a letter that Rainbow Dash was in there with a broken knee. She wouldn‘t say anything, but last I saw her she was at yer place. Care to explain?” she said as she glared at me. I laughed, then proceeded to explain to her just what had happened, beginning to end. She was shocked, not sure what about, but I could see it on her face. “Well then, in that case maybe ah should go talk some common sense intah her, startin’ a fight with the newcomer, what’s wrong with her?” she said to nopony in particular as she walked away towards the hospital. I sighed and continued on my way. That’s when it hit me, I had no clue where Pinkie lived or worked. I asked the first pony that passed, a cream colored mare with a dark blue and pink mane, who pointed me to a place called sugercube corner. When I walked in the door, it was dark, and I could hear somepony sobbing.
“Pinkie? That you?” I asked, kinda feeling bad. Stealing from ponies, I do for a living. Killing them, I can live with. Emotionally wrecking them? Not so much.
“Y-Yeah. W-Why do you care, Mister meanie Mcmeaniepants?” she said, standing up from behind the counter. Her mane was now deflated and straight, and she just seemed to be a darker color of pink than she was before. I sighed. Apologizing isn’t something I do a lot.
“Look, Pinkie, I’m…… Sorry, I shouldn’t have been so harsh on you, can you forgive me?” I asked, whether she did or she didn’t wasn’t important to me, if she did, great, if she didn’t, then why should I care?
“No, you don’t have to be sorry, I do. I shouldn’t have gone through your stuff without asking, and I’m really really really really sorry.” she said, getting this….. This weird look on her face. Something about it just screamed “You can’t be mad at me forever!”
“It’s alright, how about this, I forgive you for going through my stuff, and you forgive me for losing my cool. Deal?” I said, extending a hoof over the counter. She immediately looked happier, her mane inflating again, however the hell that works, and her usual smile coming back. She took my hoof and we shook.
“Deal! So is there anything I can get you while you‘re here? Cupcake? Muffin? Anything?”
“Not today, but thanks. I’ve got some stuff I gotta do, I’ll see you around.” I said as I walked out the door. I wondered what I should do now. I decided I should go find somepony with an ear to the ground, who could relieve me of some hot property. Suddenly, I bumped into a white unicorn with a purple mane. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I should’ve been paying more attention.” I said, and then I realized that I saw her at the party last night.
“Oh, no dahling, it was me who should’ve been paying more attention. Oh! I don’t believe we’ve met, my name is Rarity. And you are?” she said, with an accent that immediately think she was a rich snob. But then again, she looked like just the kind of pony I needed as well. This was certainly gonna be an interesting conversation.
“New in town, just moved here yesterday. Name’s Nick, Nick Pick. Nice to meet you.” I said extending a hoof to shake, which she accepted.
“Likewise! You seem to be looking for something, anyway I can help?”
“Actually I was looking for somepony who has an ear to the ground. Metaphorically of course. Hey, can I throw a hypothetical your way?” I asked, not wanting to seem to shady. Then again, a hypothetical’s shady as hell to begin with.
“Why certainly! I love a good hypothetical!”
“Alright then. Lets say somepony had something that…. Wasn’t exactly theirs, that they wanted to sell in town, who would they go to for such a sale?” I asked, hoping that she either would think I was making small talk, or that she knew why I was asking and knew who to go to.
“Oooohhhhh, I see what you’re getting at now.” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I do know somepony who deals with that sort of thing. I owe them a few favors, that’s the only reason I’m telling you this. Goes by the name “The Liberator” I’ll be sure to let them know you’re looking to make a sale.” she said. I was honestly kind of shocked. Rarity didn’t seem the kind to build up debts. But then again, looks can be deceiving, I should know this better then anypony. I thanked her then went on my way, looking for potential marks. There were a few stores that seemed to be doing well, especially a store called the Carousel Boutique. I figured I should stake it out before I decided to hit it. I looked up into the sky. Judging from the position of the sun, it was about noon. I still had a lot of time.
“Hey there mister! Remember me?” said a small voice from of to my left. I looked over to see Applebloom and two other fillies running towards me.
“Hey there Applebloom. Don’t you have school today or somethin?” I said. I really didn’t feel like dealing with kids at the moment.
“No, silly, it’s Saturday! These are my friends, Scootalo…..” she said, gesturing to the orange pegasus filly to her left.
“Sup.”
“…..and Sweetie Belle….” She said, gesturing to the white unicorn on her right, who bore an uncanny resemblance to Rarity
“Hey there!”
“And we are….” I was starting to not like where this was going.
“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!” they all yelled at the same time. I could see where this conversation was gonna go, and I really didn’t like it. “Will you help us get our cutie marks?” Said Scootalo. Yep, I really didn’t like this.
“Yeah! Tell us how you got your cutie mark! Uh, what is your cutie mark anyway?” said Sweetie Belle. I knew their families wouldn’t exactly appreciate me teaching them to be master thieves, so I told them some completely bullshit story about how my cutie mark was a boat, because I was a good sailor, but my flank was skinned a little bit during a storm, so they couldn‘t see it. They seemed downcast at my story, as there was no way they could go sailing.
“Hey kids, don’t worry bout it. You’ll get yours eventually. You just gotta live your life, do what you can do, and eventually you’ll get it.” I said, trying to cheer them up. Apparently they had heard that before, because they still seemed downcast as they walked away.
“Is that storm how you got most of those scars?” asked a voice from behind me. That seemed to be happening a lot. I whipped around, drawing my dagger in the process. “Woah there, threatening an officer? that’s a few months in the local pen.” said the mare I was currently looking at. She was an off white pegasus with a purple and pink mane. She was wearing a pair of black mirrored aviator shades, a brown vest and cloak, and was currently flashing her badge, which named her as Detective Sergeant Dawn Sundancer.
“Sorry about that detective, I’m a bit jumpy.” I said, sheathing my blade. Now was not the time or place to get involved with the law. “Quick question though…. Aren’t Sergeant and detective two completely different ranks in the force?” I asked. I was seriously confused by that.
“Yeah, they are smart ass. Sergeant is part of my name. Don’t ask. Now answer the question. I’m especially curious about that one on your throat. Not something most ponies survive, having their throat cut.” she said, putting her badge away. Well, now it was all or nothing. If I didn’t pull of this lie I was screwed.
“Well actually, most of these are from bar fights I’ve been in when my crew and I stopped at a port. The one on my throat, however, I got during a mutiny. My first mate wanted the ship, and decided it was worth cutting me and throwing me overboard for. Was picked up by a passing ship after floating for… Celestia only knows how long. They said I was lucky to be alive, and I believe them.” I said. I figured a tidbit of truth never hurt nopony.
“Huh, interesting story. Since I have no other info on you, I’ll have to take you at your word. But just know that I’m watching you. Don’t go causing any trouble, or I will bury you. Understand?” she said, tilting her shades down a bit. Not enough for me to see the color of her eyes, but enough for me to see that she was giving me a death glare.
“Yeah, I got it officer. I didn’t plan on causing trouble.” ‘only stealing a few things.’ I thought to myself as she walked away. I continued looking around, occasionally walking pat the boutique every now and again to see if anypony was going in or coming out. Eventually I decided the best way to figure out is to go in. I needed some casual clothes anyway. I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when I walked in to see Rarity working the counter.
“Hello and wel… why hello there dahling, what brings you here?” she said, her tone indicating that she thought I was about to hold her up.
“Oh hey there Rarity, I didn’t know you worked here.”
“Why I don’t just work here, I live here! This is my business. Now what can I do for you?”
‘well there went the plan of breaking into this place’ I thought to myself. “I need some casual clothes, preferably something plain and black. You got anything like that?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything like that. Though, I could easily make it!” she said, obviously excited at the prospect of making clothes for somepony. “Now I’ll just need to take some measurements, find a color that goes with both your coat and your mane an-”
“Black, Rarity. This is supposed to be something I can wear and no one will really notice. Also, it would be great if you could make it so that it covers my cutie mark. And my throat.” I said, getting her back on track.
“Oh, yes of course dahling, of course. I should’ve taken into account your line of work. And that nasty scar, I didn‘t notice that earlier. I won‘t ask.” she said, obviously having forgotten our previous conversation, “Now you just wait right there, I’ll be back with a tape measure.” she said as she walked into the back of the store. I heard the door open behind me to see Twilight walking in, saddle bags on her back.
“Hey, funny meeting you here huh?” I said, trying to make light conversation.
“Oh, hey! What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I’m just here to get some casual clothing. As I’m sure you can see, I’m not exactly the best example of a pony.” I said, gesturing to all my showing scars, making her wince slightly.
“Those look like they were painful. What happened to you?” she asked, worry almost literally dripping from her voice.
“Which one?” I said with a laugh. “Each one’s got a different story.” she pointed to the one that had been the source of attention all day.
“How about that one? How does somepony survive a cut there?” she asked. Any other scar and I wouldn’t have cared much.
“That’s the only one I don’t like to talk about.” I said, the mere thought of that night making my blood boil. Just then Rarity came back, levitating a tape measure.
“Here we are. Oh! Twilight my dear, what brings you here this fine morning?”
“Oh, I just needed my saddle bag’s repaired, the bottoms have been wearing down. If use them more without repairing them, I’m afraid they’ll give out, and then I’ll need to buy brand new saddle bags.” she explained. Honestly, why she didn’t stop after the first sentence, I’ll never know.
“Oh, we don’t want that. As soon as I’m done taking care of Mister Pick here, I’ll get right on that! Now Nick, I’m just going to need you to step over here,” she said, gesturing to a nearby platform, “And stand still.” I complied to the best of my abilities. In my line of work, patience can make the difference between life and death, so I’m used to not moving for extended periods of time. “You never told me where you’re from, did you dahling?” she asked.
“No, I didn’t. If you must know, I moved here from Canterlot.” no sooner were the words out of my mouth then she let out an audible gasp of joy.
“Canterlot!? Why you must simply tell me all about where you lived! I’m sure you lived in a very large mansion. Did you ever get to meet the princesses? Oh, who am I kidding, of cor-” I cut her off before she could continue.
“Not that part of Canterlot.” I said, causing her to adopt a more confused look.
“What other part of Canterlot is there?” she asked. I looked over to Twilight, who had a worried expression on her face. I had heard her name before while on the job, and I knew she was Celestia’s favored student.
“Well, I’m sure your friend Twilight knows exactly what I’m talking about don’t you?” I said, a sly grin crossing my face. I just loved making ponies squirm about information they were loathe to share.
“Twilight, dahling, what is he talking about?” Rarity asked her, looking even more confused.
“Well…. You see… there’s.. how do I put it…” she said, obviously not used to being asked about this. I’d had my fun, so I decided to explain it.
“What she’s trying to say is that there are two parts to that place. The part everypony knows, and that part nopony likes to talk about. If you can’t afford to live in the former, you’re banished to latter. You see, Canterlot is not the paradise of rich snobs you think it is. Most ponies from what’s called the “Undercity” aren’t even allowed into the main city. Give you one guess where I’m from.” I said, much to the disgust of both unicorns.
“How could they do something like that? Did Prince Blue Blood order it to be that way? Oh, if he did, I’ll march right up there an-” I cut her off again.
“Actually no. The order for those who couldn’t afford housing to be moved to a lesser part of the city came from somepony else. I hear Twilight's her biggest fan to.” I said, pushing all attention to Twilight, who began to panic.
“Oh.. Well I, uh, I should probably just come back later, bye!” she said as she bolted out the door. I laughed a little bit. I knew she didn’t actually know anything about it, but I still found it amusing that she panicked.
“So, any way’s, tell me a bit about yourself Nick. I’m sure you’ve some… interesting stories to tell.” she said.
“Ha! Interesting would be an understatement. Lets just say nothing really bothers me that much anymore and leave it at that, eh?” I said, to which Rarity simply nodded her head. She continued her work in silence, except whenever she would ask me to move, or hold something for her.
“Alright then, all finished. I’ll have your garments mailed to your house as soon as they are done.” she said as she took the final measurements. I simply thanked her and walked out the door. That’s when I noticed I was sweating. It wasn’t that warm out though. In fact, it was slightly chilly, being mid autumn. Suddenly I tripped over nothing, almost falling to the ground. This caused me to immediately realize what it was. I began to check myself, but then I remembered my cloak didn’t have pockets.
“Shit! I left them at home!” I swore loudly.
“Left what at home?” asked detective Sundancer, who seemed to have been following me since our encounter earlier that day. I would’ve told her, but at this point my vision was blurry and I was hyperventilating, trying hard as I could not to throw up. Eventually, I stumbled and fell, the last thing I heard before I blacked out was the detective screaming. “somepony get an ambulance!”. And then everything went black.
A/N: can any of you catch the ponification in this chapter? i hope so, because it's kinda obvious. anyway, enjoy!
I awoke in a hospital bed. One thing I may have forgotten to mention is that I have marelaria. It’s a disease that, when not treated, can be very deadly. That’s what happens when all you have to drink for a few years is dirty water. “Oh good, you’re awake. You gave everypony quite a scare the other day.” I looked over to see a white nurse unicorn standing there, tending to another patient. “That’s what happens when you don’t carry your marelaria medication on you at all times.” she scolded me. I just rolled my eyes and went to sleep. I awoke the next morning to the sound of laughter coming from my left. I looked over to see Rainbow Dash sitting up in her hospital bed laughing at me.
“What happened to you, tough guy?” she asked mockingly.
“Marelaria. Harder to avoid than having a knee kicked in.” I shot back. She looked at me quizzically. She apparently didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t feel like explaining it to her.
“Whatever it is, it sounds pretty bad. It’s not contagious, is it?” she asked. Now it was my turn to laugh.
“No, it’s not. But if it was, you’re the first pony I’d give it to.” I said. We stared at each other for a moment, then we both busted out laughing.
“Hey, look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the way I acted the other day.” she said after the laughter died down a bit. “I really should’ve just taken the hint and left. We cool?” she said holding out a hoof. Now I have to admit, that was the last thing I expected. Hell, I half expected her to hate my guts. But you know what? I make ‘friends’ whenever I can.
“Yeah, sure, we’re cool.” I said taking the shake. Just then, the nurse walked back in.
“Mister Pick? You’ve got a visitor.” she said as she stepped to the side, revealing Twilight as my visitor. She was levitating a scroll, and knowing that she was Celestia’s student, I got a feeling in my gut that this wasn’t going to be a social visit.
“Nick, how are you? I heard about what happened.”
“Look, just get to the point. I’m sorry, but you have a scroll, and if you’re here to visit me with a scroll, it’s business.”
“Oh, alright then.” she said, opening the scroll to read it. “Dear Nicholas Pick, by order of Princess Luna, you are to meet her at your residence one day from Today. Looks like somepony’s popular with the princess.” she said jokingly, flashing me a smile. I sighed.
“More so than I’d like. Does the letter say why she want’s to meet me?”
“Umm….. No, it doesn’t. That’s strange.” she said, scrunching her face up in confusion. It took all my self control not to laugh at her face in that position. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, didn’t even try.
“HAHAHA! Twilight, you should see your face right now, you look ridiculous!” she said, laughing so hard she was beginning to cry. Twilight just rolled her eyes, left the letter on the small table next to my bed, and left. “So Nick, when you gettin’ out of here?” Rainbow asked me.
“I wasn’t aware we were in prison.” I joked “But I should be able to leave today. You?”
“I’ve still got a couple weeks.” she said, giving me an evil stare for a moment. It was cut short my the detective walking in, the nurse trailing behind her, trying to explain that she couldn’t just walk in there.
“So Nicholas, mind tellin’ me how one goes about getting a lock pick for a cutie mark? Doesn’t seem all that common. Or having to do with anything legal.” she asked….. Well, I had to have known this was comin’ sooner or later.
“Well, if you must know, I got it when I was a kid. A friend of mine was arrested for a crime she didn’t commit, and I knew it. But who would believe a couple of street rats, eh? So, I only saw one option: bust her out. I got myself arrested, which was the easy part, considering the guards in Canterlot would arrest us for lookin’ at them the wrong way. The hard part was getting back out. As I’m sure you know, the Canterlot dungeon is known to be the hardest in all of Equestria to bust out of. Nopony had ever busted out of there before, but I managed to pull it off. So yeah, my talent is picking locks, big deal.” I explained, hoping she wouldn’t carry this conversation further. But she did.
“Big deal indeed, it seems you’ve busted out of quite a few different prisons recently, after doing certain things while you were there. I don’t suppose you remember the name Lock Shot? Records say he was a friend of yours. Killed in prison about a week ago.” she said before she started digging in her saddle bags and pulled out what looked like a case file and threw it on the table next to my bed. A picture of him spilled out…. He was beat bad. He had been a good friend of mine, one of the few ponies I actually trusted… and now I’m being accused for his murder.
“W-W-What!? Lock’s dead!? You’re kidding, you have to be, this is all some sick, twisted joke…… right?” I asked her, only to see her shake her head. “No….. No, he can’t be gone…. He can’t be….”
“Oh, he is. And we have reason to believe yo-”
“I swear to Luna, if you say you think I killed him, this will get real ugly, real fast. Lock was one of the only friends I had growing up, and I risked my flank for him on more then one occasion. He was like the brother I never had, and I would never do anything I thought would end in… something like this.” I said, looking back at the picture….. He was gone. Killed in prison. I picked up the case file and began to read through it. Bits of it struck me as odd, such as why he was there; pick pocketing. He was a good enough thief to not get caught doing something like that, so I could only draw one conclusion. “I always told him to leave the jail breaking to me…… Fuckin’ idiot.” I mumbled to myself as I threw the file back down on the table. I knew she had every intention of arresting me today, but I had a few ways to avoid that. “Look, I’m sure you want me to walk out of here in irons, but there’s a few things you have to know.” I said. This was gonna be great. She was gonna get soooo pissed off.
“Oh really? And what would they be?” she asked me…. And it took all my strength not to laugh.
“Well, for starters, I left my marelaria pills at home, and I’ll need those. Second off, I currently have diplomatic immunity, on the basis that princess Luna is coming to town to speak with me…. Tomorrow.” I told her, and she started opening her mouth and closing it again, looking for the words to say. Eventually she found them, which is good. Seeing her flop around like a fish out of water was getting annoying.
“You’re lying.” she said. That was it. No proof I was lying or anything. I won.
“Actually, I’m not. I have a letter from her right here, and I have a witness to it’s being read.” I said, gesturing to the letter and to Rainbow Dash, who nodded vigorously. And here I thought she would cross me. Smart mare. I hoofed the detective the letter, which she read, slack jawed and defeated looking. Oh, how I love seeing that look on law enforcement. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
“Well then…. You win this time, Nicholas. But next time? You’re leaving here in irons, complete with a full cavity search.” she said as she walked away… I shuddered. I still remembered the first time they’d done a full cavity search. It was…. Violating, to say the least. I breathed a sigh of relief and turned to Rainbow.
“Hey, thanks for vouchin’ for me right there. I fully expected you to do everything in your power to get me arrested.” I said jokingly. She just kinda laughed.
“Hey, that’s what friends are for.”
“Yeah… friends.”
A/N: Holy shit, it's been a while for this one. One thing I have to say is that there might be a point in this chapter where the writing seems to change up a little bit. As you all know, it's been a long time since the last chapter, for which I'm sorry, but the good news in that is that over time I have hopefully improved, but have definatley changed a bit. Anyway, enough of that, new chapter, hope you guys enjoy it.
I collected my cloak and dagger, which the nurse gave to me with a worried look on her face, and began the walk home. I looked around me, looking for a potential mark. There were none to be found. ‘Sweet Luna, this place is every thieves worst nightmare.’ I thought to myself. My thoughts were interrupted by the local mailmare, Derpy Hooves if I remember right. I couldn’t help but notice that her eyes were…… off, but I pretended that I couldn’t. I may be a thief, but I’m not an asshole…. At least not until I have a damn good reason to be. I try to avoid being as much of an asshole to mares as I usually am with other stallions, but sometimes, like that time with Rainbow, I just kinda lose myself.
“Mister Pick? I’ve got a letter for you, said they were a friend of yours.” she said, digging through her saddle bags for my letter. Now, two things were going through my mind at that specific moment. One, who would be sending me a letter? Two, how the hay did her eyes get like that? Now, before I tell you what happened next, I have to explain something to you really quick. When I get really deep in thought, I tend to kinda drift off, and usually get this weird expression on my face. I’ve been told that I kinda look like I’m judging somepony when I get to deep in thought. You see where I’m going with this? Yeah….. Well, when she got the letter back out, I was really deep in thought, like you could hit me in the face and I wouldn’t notice deep in thought. I must’ve had that face going to, because when she looked back at me, she dropped the letter, and flew off crying…. When I realized what happened, I admit, I felt bad about it, but I figured I should give it a while before I tried talking to her about it. That and, as I’m sure you can already tell, dealing with mares isn’t exactly my specialty. Everypony else was giving me death glares, but I ignored them. I picked up the letter in my mouth, and continued my walk home. As I walked, I heard quite a few ponies talking about me behind my back, which I was used to. What I’m not used to, however, is ponies actually stopping me in the street. More specifically a large red stallion with an accent.
“So, ah hear yer a thief. Ah also saw ya make Miss Hooves cry earlier.” he said, cracking his neck a bit. It’s amazing how fast news travels in a small town like this. I sighed. I didn’t really feel like getting into a fight, especially with somepony bigger than me.
“Alright, look, the former is close, but not quite true. The latter was an accident, I didn’t say anything to her, I didn’t mean to make her cry, I’m not the big of an ass, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home.” I said, trying to step around him, only to have him step back in front of me. What is with ponies in this town, seriously?
“Ah jus’ wanna let ya know, Ah’ll be keepin’ an eye on ya. Ya’ll come anywhere near the farm, ah won’t be responsible fer what happens to ya.” He said, which I took to heart. I never went to a farm without invitation after that, ‘cause I never figured out who he was. Better safe than sorry and all that jazz. I couldn’t help breathing a sigh of relief when the big guy stepped out of my way, but I was still uncomfortable. The streets were lined with ponies, all of which would stare at me as I passed by, most checking their pockets to make sure they still had their coin.
Word travels fast in a small town, so it was safe to assume everypony knew about my profession.
“Hey mister!”
I hated my life around that point. I hated it a lot. I sighed as I turned to find three all too familiar faces staring at me, one of which was smiling. The other two were stuck somewhere between ‘you lied to us’ and ‘you ARE going to help us now’.
“Hey kids, what’s up?” I asked, smiling nervously.
“We heard about what ya REALLY do, mister.” Applebloom, if I remember her name right, said before the others could open their mouths. “An’ we don’t like bein’ lied to, do we girls?” I could tell the conversation was going in a direction I could only describe as dangerous.
“No we don’t.” the little unicorn filly said. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember her name. Of course, the Pegasus, I think her name was Scootalo, she was all smiles.
“You gotta teach me how to do that! It sounds so cool!” she exclaimed, and the other two, as well as me, sighed.
“Look kids, I lied because I knew one of you was gonna say what she just said,” I stated, pointing at the Pegasus filly. “and because I doubt your parents would appreciate me teaching you all hot to be master thieves.” I said, before grinning evilly. “Besides, the guild isn’t exactly fond of that kinda thing. If you’re gonna be a child thief, you have to learn on your own, and it’s not worth it. Trust me.” I said. There wasn’t really a guild as far as I knew, but most veterans of the trade did frown on teaching a kid to be one of us. It was just wrong.
The three fillies all whined for a second, sulking away with heads hung low, but I felt a little warm and fuzzy inside. I’d done my good deed for the day, and could proceed to enjoy all my daily sins.
“Ya liein’ varmint!”
Or not.
