Dammit!

by Firefly Wings

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Romance, Comedy, Random
Length: 2411

My life has been falling apart at the seams ever since Rarity came here seeking shelter from a ruined career that left her helpless and homeless. But perhaps my life can be resewn with her?

My life has been falling apart at the seams ever since Rarity came here seeking shelter from a ruined career that left her helpless and homeless. But, for the past month, I've been thinking. She;s all I have left, so perhaps life can be resewn with her?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-12 01:36:50 UTC

Dammit!

I canter in through the door, moonlight basking the floor and threshold. I hang up my helmet on a hat rack and leave my horseshoes by the door. Cadence refuses to let me next to the bed, even on my side. A crack of thunder booms, and I hear a tiny shriek from my bedroom. Even though I know it's probably a bad idea, I shut the door and walk into my room. The door is ajar, and I slowly draw my sword from my body armor, which I still have adorned on my back. I glower before seeing that there is a lump in my bed. I look towards the television, which is off and cold. That shape isn't Cadence, as she reacts silently to a horror movie she watched alone. I poke the lump with the handle of my sword, and it gives a small jump. I see now it is a unicorn, a mare from the feminine shape and size. I poke it again, and the maker pof the lump jumps out. I see it is a distorted... Rarity!? My sister has many friends, but the only unicorn is Rarity. But she is elegant and often gets in a mental breakdown over which dress matches her new fancy horseshoes. I stare in disbelief at this opposite of that mare. I rub the edge of my sword, wondering if it is really Chrysalis in disguise, come back for more. But her gaze softens as she realizes who she is, and rushes to fix her hair with her hooves. It's just as tangled as before, but I ignore this. It's the real her. I flick on a light.

'What are you doing here?" I ask, confusion bubbling up inside me.

Rarity casts a glower before replying with "I had to egt out of the rain... and with Blue..Blueblood bombing my..my bout... WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" She thrusts herself into my arms for a hug.

Instinctively, I return it, her build being the same as Twilight. I feel her cold tears run on my shoulder, and I continue the hug even after I realize who it is. She looks and sounds like she has been through a lot, and I did hear on the news before I left for work that something was bombed. Finally, she breaks away, and wipes a final tear off.

"I-i'm sorry darling... I shouldn't have come here.. shouldn't have done that..."

My empathy overpowers my sanity. "No,no! it's fine! You can just.... you can stay here!" I blurt out. it's almost as embarassing as the hug. But she looks up at me, a weak and gracious smile breaking her tears.

"really?"

I notice this is like taking in a stray dog or helping at a homeless shelter- it matters to everybody. Though sanity tugs at me angrily, I smile and ignore it. "Sure."

"Oh THANKYOU!" She hugs me again, snapping me tight into it.

I notice her cutie mark and mentally slap myself. I shouldn't even have noticed there. I was married, with a happy family and Cadence expecting a foal. I wasn't going to give that up now. But my eyes trek back there again. And again, I slap myself back into the hug. I return it, thus making me lean into a position where I cant see her plot. She finishes a while later, her face dry of tears.

An hour later,  she settled into the Guest room where she would be living. I hear Cadence walk in, and I run into position to indicate no such thing as Rarity's randomness ever happened. I flick on the TV and throw my armor deep into the back of the closet, where I shall go on an hour-long trek to retrieve it in the morning. Cadence walks in on me brosing through the Playcolt ads, and looks at me suspiciously. I notice her looks but continue to scan through. After about a 4-minute-marathon of perverted ads, I come to a show called "Auto Hoofburners" and click it on. I pretend to have great interest in every. Single. Race Car.

"Ahem." She fakes a cough to draw my attention.

I scan my surroundings, a dumbfounded look on my face, until I see her and pretend to be so excited she is here, running on my joy I hid Rarity in time.

By 12:00, I am waiting for the faint snores of Cadence so I can tell Rarity the plan for tomorrow. I hear slowed breaths of slumber from my wife and throw my magazine to the nightstand. I hurl myself out of the bed and trot to Rarity's room. I pray to all of Faust she didn't fall asleep. But the door opens and a Rarity looking much better than before answers my knocking. I see that she has conjured a vanity and several beauty items strewn about. She has used the curtains as a bed curtain, and several cloth samples scattered about. She invites me in, though I could do that myself. "Right on time, Shining." She grins as I sit at the chair set before the vanity.

"I'm here about where you need to be tommorow morningly big. I'm taking the day off tommorow for you." I notice how I said it and instantly cover it."So that you get used to the lifestyle."

Rarity must have still heard the break in the sentence, because she smirks. But her gaze softens."Shining, don't worry about me! Go make money to support you and that family of yours! I'll just be here. Course, I might shop for something later today, get the thought of me off your hooves."

I stare. She stares seductively. I sigh. "I need to worry because Cadence-" I feel a hoof be placed over my mouth.

"I won't make a peep, Shining." Her gaze is confident and honest. For the most part.

I sigh. "Alright..." She smiles, her eyes glimmering. I yawn, noticing the time."Night Rare." I canter out, leaving her giggling quietly to herself. My eyes close as I'm engulfed in the warm blankets aside my wife.

I wake up to a shriek. Glaring over at my alarm, I see that is an hour before it normally wakens me. I look over

to see my wife has left the bed. Turning off my alarm so it doesn't ring when I'm awake, I rush out of the sheet's comfy grasp and into the living room, where I see Cadence running in large circles, in hot pursuit of a ruler-bearing Rarity. She struggles to collect perfect measurements of my wife, to no avail. Cadence notices me standing shocked in the doorway of our hall and shrieks. "Shining, who is this!?" I try to pretend it's a break-in, but I'm already darting in between the fray of mares. The first thing I grab is Rarity's hoof. I use it to throw her to a wall and keep her pinned there with my magic. I do the same to Cadence, though i know her powers can easily break my aura. I turn my attention to the tenant who had broken her promise. I stepped toward her angrily as I said. "You PROMISED, Rarity! What the buck!?"

I see her get slapped out of her crazed dressmaker state. Her blue aura flickers to a stop, and the rulers clatter to the floor around her. She looks down, and I can already see the tears welling up. "I..I...."

She's interrupted by a hoof that shoves me away from the unicorn. Cadence's stern gaze looks at me, raging with hostility. "Shining! I demand to know who you are using to cheat on me with!!!" Her eyes blare with fury, I can tell she will explode if I don't crack. But I can't believe this hostility she's showing! It's like I'm a peasant to her. A tool. I reflect the expression.

"I'm not cheating on you! I would never!" I shake away the aura chains, a basic spell an Earth Pony could break through. "I was housing Rarity because Blueblood bombed her boutique!!!"

Cadence glares at me, conjuring divorce paers and signing her name, filling it out easily and even copying my handwriting for my signature. "Yeah right, you plothole!!!" She puts a final period, and I rip it out of her magical grip.

I begin to shred it when she tugs it away with her aura. I do the same, but she tries to poke me in the eye with her horn. When she succeeds, I feel all the rage of a thousand buffalo herbs bubble up inside me and blow out in a single strike across her face. Her aura flickers to a halt, but she teleports the papers away in her second attempt. I notice what I've done and run to her side, tears welling up. "Holy bucking plot of Faust! Cadence!"

She rams me into a wall, tears welling up and drizzling over a swollen cheek. She runs out. I feel lost. I snap toward rarity, my eyes burning with rage.

Rarity struggles to break free, trying some of her own magic, but to no avail. She searches for a way to kick off, but her hooves dont find purchase. I grab a spatula from the kitchen with my magic, and Rarity succumbs.

I come to the realization I'm about to gouge out this pretty much innocent, homeless, helpless mare's eyes with a cooking tool and drop her to the floor, the spatula clattering beside my hooves. Tears well up. I collapse to the floor in a flurry of sobs. I was becoming a monstrosity of a stallion. I had been about to leave a mare dead and eyeless in my house as I sought out my ex-wife with a butcher knife in an enraged state.

Rarity rushes to my side, covering me with a hug and patting my back. I guess she owed me after all I had done for her.

I accept the hug graciously. It's not like I have anything to be embarassed or guilty about now. I stagger to my hooves again, and so does she. She lifts up my chin and smiles. I'm still sobbing, but manage to heave it out through large gasps. Her smile brightens the mood a little, but I feel nothing. I'm hollow without Cadence. Knowing she hates me, probably forever, just killed me. I was a shell of a formerly great stallion. Rarity helped me to my bedroom, where I then called my boss. I told him I was dealing with major emotional issues, and he allowed me to stay so as to not interrupt the work environment. By night, I was cheered up after a day of talking with my good friend. I fixed dinner and we talked. I didn't know it was this much fun to be around a Canterlot aristocrat!

By 12:00, I woke up to faint snores. Believing the crisis was all a dream, I smiled graciously down at my beautiful wife--who had grown smaller, more feminine,lost her wings, shortened her horn,and curled her hair to break the rules of gravity. I jolted back, leaping out of bed to realize I was sleeping in bed with Rarity--a tenant I had invited in not 3 days ago! I barely knew her, and yet there she had been,with my arm wrapped around her like she was the light of my life, the highlight of my day. I looked down at my hooves. I guess I was free to romantic interest now...b-but that doesn't mean I can't go chasing after my tenant girl! I felt something happening down there, and crawled into bed reluctantly to hide it. I was led into a fitful sleep for all 7 final hours of the night I had left.

Saturday. What a joy it was to wake up and have time off to enjoy my time. I had brightened up fully after my divorce, and last night's events now crowded my memory. I had a chance. I had had it since Thursday. And now it was making it's appearance, a mare of white and purple who I now loved. She was fixing breakfast for me in the morning, and I had some. After putting the plate in the sink, the phone rang and I galloped to answer it as it was still charging on my nightstand. It was my boss. My heart sank. He was making me a Rank 1 Guard again for how I had been gone for almost all of the morning without notice. Buck! It was Friday, not Saturday! I rushed into work with my best armor, determined to work back up, but I was only greeted with a stern guard captain.

"Reports of a heartbroken Princess Mi Amore Cadenza leads us to believe you are harassing the princesses." He shut the gates on me after that. I was fired. Fired for being framed for a divorce!

I flame spelled the gates at the guard, who tripped over the bars,before walking off.

Rarity was suprised I was home so early, but she saw the whole story in my eyes. "Square one, huh?" She turned off the sink where she had been cleansing the coffee pot of the foul coffee. I nodded solemnly.

She lifted my chin up, where my eyes met that smile and slowly wandered to her plot like a curious colt. My arm twitched, anticipating to stroke it, but I refused. She caught me staring and smirked for a second before my gaze shot up.

"Well. It's alright darling, I was offered a job tomorrow at Gemstone High Design! I would be making thrice as much as my old boutique. i would be happy to give you half the pay from my house!"

'What!?"

"Well,dearest, with my new job comes moving out! The second I find the one, I will no longer be a tenant!"

Panic ensued deep within me and lit my soul on fire with worry. It was now or never. I needed her here. I needed... THIS! I was trembling, babbling like a cretin, my eyes darting from her flank to her eyes and back. "Bah..hah...I...ah..."

"What's wrong, darling?" She gained a worried expression.

The next words came out in one,swift breath. "Raritywillyoudateme!" I blurted.

The air was still, holding it's breath to see what happened next. Rarity was the stillest thing, though. She was shocked. But then she smiled. "But of course, dear!" She finally chirped.

I was so happy tears welled up