Advanced Techniques

by SwordTune

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Comedy
Length: 2361

How does Equestria stay safe? While every pony walks the streets of their beloved towns, what dark powers must be used to keep them safe?

Durik Stomping, age 28, is one of the few yaks to have immigrated to Equestria. He would be welcomed, were it not for the suspicions of Celestia involving the "resolved" threat of war. Taken from a small little hotel in Vanhoover, Durik faces the cold, dark truth of Equestria's seemingly perfect society, and the Royal Black Ops Division is ready to make sure he remembers it.

A satirical work, not for the faint of heart.

Published 2015-07-18 18:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-18 18:20:02 UTC

Foreword

In the week following the first encounter between Yakyakistan and Equestria in hundred of moons, Celestia's Black Ops Division and the Royal Intelligence Agency operated together in what would be infamously know as "Operation Blind Eye." The reopening of borders between the two nations generated a short moment of increased tourism and immigration. As an ex-officer of the Black Ops Division, I write this summary of one victim of Operation Blind Eye to offer additional context to Equestrian history.

Operation Blind Eye was the immediate action Celestia took when informed that war was a very real possibility with the Yaks. The entire Black Ops division under her command was scrambled to the northern border of Equestria and placed on surveillance in and around high areas of traffic. Despite peace being the ultimate outcome, my team, along with six others, were ordered to watch the Crystal Empire, Vanhoover, and Manehattan, for any signs of suspicious Yak visitors.

As a result, two dozen Yak "tourists" were taken into custody and questioned about Yakyakistan's military capabilities and espionage. To date, eight of those detainees have been found to be directly connected to the Yakyakistan government, and possibly two under direct command of Prince Rutherford. And though another six Yaks were ultimately deemed innocent on account of mistaken identity, the threat of Yak aggression remains a large concern to those privy to Operation Blind Eye.

Some techniques may be deemed immoral, but the bottom line is that these Yakyakistan agents were successfully persuaded to give information crucial to saving countless Equestrian lives.

Durik Stomping UNCLASSIFIED

Why don't we start with something simple? Can you state your name for the record?

I nodded. "My name now, is Truth. Um, it's not the name my parent gave me. I changed my name from Flower Bud after I got my cutie mark."

And why is that?

"My talent in magic is very specific," I said, "I can mostly do spells that detects when ponies are lying or telling the truth. I was also very good at spotting signs of stress when ponies lied, like their breathing pattern or speech."

Is this why you got a job with the Royal Intelligence Agency?

"I was given the job, you see, I never really wanted to get involved with intelligence work, I was very happy working with my dad at the Manehattan Metro Security Office. But one day I got a letter requesting an interview with the Director of the RIA's interrogation team, and I guess the pressure just got to me."

My interviewer shifted in his seat and shifted the tape recorder a little closer to me.

How long were you in the RIA prior to Operation Blind Eye?

I swallowed my nerves before answering. "Seven years."

And what did they have you do in that time?

"I mostly got moved from detention center to detention center, verifying what detainees said were true or false. Most were changeling soldiers or Tartarus inmates, but I've encountered a few traitors within various cores of Canterlot's security agencies, even the Black Ops Division."

Speaking of the BOD, how involved were they with Blind Eye?

"Very involved, a lot of interrogators were assisted by Black Ops officers for 'additional tactics' and special equipment."

I'm very eager to hear what you have to say about these interrogations, especially the infamous case of Durik Stomping. Why don't you tell the tape all about what happened and how the general public was affected by the results of the "advanced interrogation techniques" used on Mr.Stomping

=====================================================================================================

I was transported to Detention Center Serene two days after Operation Blind Eye started. The interrogation officer requested me by name to help out after his detainee refused to cooperate under "normal" circumstances.

When I reached the cell, really more like an abandoned warehouse, at Serene it was freezing cold. Patches of ice was on the floor and I could even see my breath in the air. The Black Ops officer handed me two extra coats to put on before the interrogation was continued. They told me that Yaks enjoyed the cold because it was always snowing up north in Yakyakistan, so they tried to make the room "homely" for the detainee.

I had never seen a yak before, so I didn't realize it was abnormal for a yak to be shaved nearly down to his skin. But that was the case for Durik when they tied him down to the chair. He was still covered in fur, but it was thin, and I could see the pale pink of his skin under it. Intelligence officer Rain Cloud splashed a bucket of water onto the detainee to wake him up, delivering a few blows to the face to make him alert.

Then, they resumed the normal procedure of questioning.

"How'd you sleep up last night? I hope The Box wasn't too cramped for you. We really didn't have time to prepare one for a yak your size, but I hope XL Stallion fit you well enough." Rain Cloud paced around Durik while speaking, using a soft, controlled tone to ease the detainee into the interrogation.

The Black Ops commander, Olive Pit, was in the back of the room, tinkering with some equipment. I felt the room get warmer, if only by a few degrees, while he unlocked a case full of tools.

"I just wan't to know about your friends, you know, those other yaks we have in other rooms just like this," Rain Cloud continued. "If you help us we could help you, maybe even them too."

As Durik began to speak I focused my magic on him, reading his words for any deceit.

"Please, I don't know those yaks, I don't know anything about this. I just want to-"

Olive came up behind Durik's seat and stuffed a dish towel into his mouth, cutting him off. "The water's ready," he said to Rain. Rain nodded in understanding and tilted over Durik's chair, letting him drop onto the concrete floor. Olive levitated a large bucket from the sink in the back, roughly twenty to twenty-five gallons of water.

Despite all his struggling Durik could not loosen his bonds. I tried to hear what he was muttering under his breath but the dish towel muffled it too much for my magic to pick up.

Rain Cloud nodded to Olive to begin waterboarding. "Drink up big guy," Rain said as Olive tilted the bucket over just a few degrees and let the water soak the dish towel and flood Durik's nostrils. Rain pinned his weight onto the detainee's horns, keeping his head still while they waterboarded him.

"So here's what we need from you," Rain Cloud said. "We're not so sure Yakyakistan's such a great friend, after all you did almost declare war on us, and your prince even caused hundreds of thousands in both public and private property. So what is the ultimate goal? That's what the big wigs want."

Rain signaled Olive to stop for a moment and pulled out the dish towel from the detainee's mouth, giving him a hard slap on the face as well. "Why would Yakyakistan, a nation now openly allied to Equestria, send their spies over to Vanhoover, and Manehattan, and worst of all, Canterlot?" He stuffed Durik's face with the towel again and let Olive continue.

After a minute of waterboarding Olive returned the bucket to the rest of the equipment, giving Rain Cloud a chance to gather some answers. "I've never seen or heard about any spies in Equestria," said the detainee, shaking the water off his face, "I came to Equestria for some duty free cider and to see the Ponyville Castle." He was lying.

My silence was a signal to Rain to continue. With some rage, and much more shouting, Rain Clouds pinned a spear point up against Durik's neck. "That's a load of shit. We found you in a hotel at Vanhoover, my home town in fact, and it doesn't have either."

"No!" shouted Durik. "Vanhoover, it was just the cheapest route I could get. I was going to take the train to Ponyville, I swear!"

I knew his first statement was correct, but my magic felt he was lying about going to Ponyville. I let Rain Cloud continue.

Rain stepped away from Durik and threw the spear into the wall, some of his feathers flying off with it and sticking to the cold wet floor. He beckoned to Olive to do his part and step back until he was needed. Olive held a clipboard in front of him. "It says here you suffered from indigestion while in Holding Cell B, so we've been asked to provide appropriate meals to help ease the discomfort."

Rain Cloud untied Durik from the chair, shoving him onto the floor and binding all four legs together. Durik shook and tried to buck Rain off but didn't succeed in anything accept making the rope more uncomfortable. Then he began to plead to Rain Cloud. "I'm not sick! I'm not, you're the sick ones here, keeping me here like this. When people find out you'll be getting hell from all sides. Just let me go!"

Rain Cloud stomped Durik's face before taping his mouth shut. I looked over to Olive and saw him preparing a tube for rectal rehydration. "You should enjoy this meal Mr.Stomping," he shout over his shoulder, "it's apple sauce, carrots, cauliflower, hummus, and water, pureed into a smooth blend." He put all the ingredients into a large blender and pureed it into a puke-ish brown liquid.

The tap was attached to one end of the plastic pipe and brought over to the detainee. Rain Cloud pressed Durik down while Olive levitated the pipe into the rectum, pumping in the pureed lunch into the detainee's colon. Though it was for his health, he seemed in some amount of suffering; he screamed and groaned the whole time, shouting "No, I can't take it, please. I feel like I'm going to burst, just stop!"

The whole process took only three minutes, and soon after Rain had him tied down to the chair again. "Now that that's taken care of, I'll ask again; why are you here, what's your mission?"

Durik took a few moments to stop his sniffling and took a deep breath. "I came... was sent, to Equestria.... to obtain military documents and maps of big cities. So... in case of a war, we'd be ready. I only know of one yak, my informant, who was supposed to meet me before I was taken."

Rain Cloud looked strait into Durik's eyes. "What is his name?"

He shook his head. "I don't know... he was supposed to find me. I was waiting for him in my hotel when you guys came."

Rain Cloud looked back at me with a questioning look. I stayed silent because it was all false.

"Well," Rain said, "I think today has been pretty productive. Olive, we have two more today, we better get moving. Chain him to the wall for now, we'll be back first thing tomorrow."

Durik looked at Olive and then back to Rain. "No, I told you what you wanted, please, just ask me what else you want, but please don't leave me here!"

I got up and hung up the heavy coats on the front door. I looked back to Rain and saw Olive dragging Durik over to a wall and cuffing one hoof to the wall, his hooves just barely on the floor. Rain looked back and patted me on the shoulder. "Don't worry kid, they all give sooner or later. I'm sure we'll be done with him tomorrow."

The last sound I heard from Detention Center Serene was the sobbing of a grown yak.

=====================================================================================================

What happened the next morning?

"Officer Rain Clouds picked me up from my hotel a little early, but by the time we got to Serene Durik was dead. He died from hypothermia due to his shaved fur."

What was your first reaction to that?

"Even now I don't know what to say about it. I've seen a lot of things done to ponies just to get the right information, but they've never died before. I guess I would say I was very mad, maybe a little confused."

Is that why you quit the RIA to become a fugitive? You have a lot of secrets Celestia wouldn't want leaked.

"I quit because there was no way I could tell the world about this and still be affiliated with them. I've sent a lot of documents to the press and some of my closest friends, and there'd just be no way to do it and still wake up everyday and go to work."

For what purpose did you leak other national secrets that weren't related to Operation Blind Eye? Don't you think that will tarnish your public image, or make you an even bigger target of the RIA?

"In the two thousand something papers I mailed across Equestria were things that, while important to the security of Equestria, is also just as important for the ponies to know. These are moral issues concerning our foreign policy, security, and private lives, and it's not just up to the princesses to decide whether we should or shouldn't do those things. I honestly couldn't care what Equestria calls me, and I'm already going to be a huge target of the RIA for leaking Operation Blind Eye. What I care about right now is that the public gets a choice, a choice that reflects what we want our country to be, not what we are told it will be."

And what do you plan to do now? Even if everything goes as you hope it will, you'll still be wanted for quite some time. Where will you live? Where will you sleep?

I don't really want to discuss that right now, and I think it would be safer for those involved for me to keep it to myself.

Of course, I understand. Thank you for coming here and taking a huge risk for us and for Equestria.

Thank you, the pleasure was mine.