Remorse

by Cosmic Surrogate

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Princess Luna
Length: 2644

Sometimes, even the best of us succumb to desperate dreams.

The burdens of a goddess weigh heavy on her heart. Celestia starts to have terrible nightmares of her past, and turns to the only pony, other than Luna, that she can trust to help her. What will Twilight Sparkle uncover once she wades into the depths of her mentors mind?

Published 2012-05-24 17:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-24 17:44:01 UTC

The Blind

"The blind see no light, no reason for hope. They must be guided in troubling times for they cannot see the light that guides us all."

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Chapter 1
Take Your Time
Cosmic Surrogate

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Everlasting. The prospect of having her entire life being nothing more than continuous heartbreak terrified Celestia more than anything else. A wise old alicorn once told her that the greatest hardship in life is outlasting all those that surround you. That advice had never left her. His day had long since come and gone though; returned to the sand like all others before him. Longevity did not come without its share of pain.

This price rested heavily on Celestia’s heart. She had attended many funerals in her long, long life. So many coffins laid in the dirt, each one taking a piece of her soul along with it. Her body was in perfect form, but her mind languished. She was tired, and often found herself passing out from pure exhaustion in the early hours of the night. Tonight was no different. Whilst signing a stack of papers that had been sent to her room by one of the many castle servants, she began to nod off, inching ever so closer to the blissful sleep that had accompanied her for many long nights.

_____

Celestia groaned as her senses slowly returned to her. Instantly, she noticed she was no longer in her castle, but in some snowy town that seemed oddly nostalgic- like she had been here in some past time. All around her, the patter of hooves crunched in the snow, simply ignoring the misplaced alicorn. There was an enigmatic silence that seemed to plague the town. Eager to learn of the reason for her sudden appearance, she rose to her hooves and began to look around.

As she searched, she quickly deemed that nopony was doing anything. They were all walking aimlessly, like senseless zombies. As Celestia turned to see what was behind the isolated town, she spotted something that would forever be etched into her mind. Standing directly in front of her was a tiny filly. She was very small, even for her age, and her coat was a pristine white that almost made her blend in with the snow. The strange thing was that her entire face appeared out of focus, and her features were clearly removed. No mouth, nose, or eyes rested on the poor filly’s face.

In wonder, and fright, of the little filly, Celestia made the bold choice to approach her.
“Wh-who are you?” Celestia managed to say. The young filly simply shook her head, and nudged Celestia with her muzzle. Celestia had so many questions she wanted to ask her, but she knew there was no way she’d be getting an answer anytime soon.

The filly nudged Celestia once again, and this time turned her head, pointing to the forest that stood behind them. The woods were extremely eerie, and appeared to be bleaker than even the Everfree that Celestia had come to know.

You want me to go in there...?” Celestia asked, her eyebrow raised in curiosity. The filly responded by gradually nodding her head up and down. Celestia exhaled deeply and closed her eyes. I’m about to follow a faceless filly into a forest I’ve never even heard of. Why is this happening? If only there were another way. This situation appears to be rather...unique, to say the least.

“Very well, I will follow you, my little pony.” The filly nodded and turned off towards the grim forest. Despite the apparent serious nature of the filly, she walked with a slight skip in her step. She was just a child after all, and could probably barely make out where they were heading. I must be losing my mind. Hopefully I will be able to get answers from this foal...

As the two continued to walk, an eerie silence loomed over them that seemed to emphasize the chilling creaks and chirps that were coming from the wooded entrance. Occasionally, Celestia would turn her gaze towards her new traveling companion in hopes that she would magically regain her features. Every time she caught the filly’s empty glance, shivers surged up her spine. If it were not for the harsh practice she has had with odd scenarios, she would have already broken down by now. Such things as faceless fillies would be enough to scare most ponies, but Celestia was different. She was strong, strong enough to push through everything that had been thrown at her.

Once at the gate, the tiny foal turned to face the Princess. She quickly snapped her head from Celestia, to the entrance. “You want me to go in there? Aren’t you coming with me?” A quick shake of her head quickly disheartened the Princess. “I see...I have to go in alone. Magnificent.” Celestia took a deep breath and advanced into the forest as the filly stepped aside, allowing her passage. Instantly, the dark nature of her new surroundings quickly engulfed her senses. The smell of rotting wood and mud made her gag. The tall, dying trees swayed effortlessly in the wind, creating a soft, rustling sound.

I thought the Everfree was bad...this place seems almost sinister.

She carried on like this for several minutes before she came across a slight glowing light coming from in between the trees in front of her. The glow was of a dark amber, and seemed to be radiating warmth through the cold vastness of the forest. Curious, Celestia proudly marched on towards the source of this inviting light. However, as she stepped into its amber blaze, all warmth faded from the illumination. After passing through it, she appeared into a new room. She could scarcely see a few feet in front of her, and the room seemed to emit its own malign aura. Its walls were of an older design, being made of ancient clay bricks layered on top of each other. Every few feet or so, the wall would be spotted with a torch, spreading its light across the desolate room. Well....that was misleading.

As she peered through the blackness to the back of the room, she noticed there was an array of photographs lined up. Eager to learn the purpose of the room, she approached them, only to be met with more faceless ponies. Despite not being able to identify them, there was something chillingly nostalgic about the figures. “Who are these ponies...?” She whispered, to nopony in particular.

“We are the faceless, the dust in the wind.” A distant voice; impersonal and formless, drifted in from all directions. Though it was nothing more than a whisper, it penetrated deep into Celestia’s mind as if someone were screaming into her ear.

Celestia groaned as the shrill sound coursed through her mind. “What-...what do you mean?”

“We are nothing more than figments that exist only to remind you of who you are.” The voice that responded was different from the last; if Celestia had to guess, she would believe to belong to a colt not even old enough to attend school.

“Sh-show yourself!” she pronounced, her regal voice booming around the cramped room. It startled even Celestia, as it had been many years since she had used the Royal Canterlot Voice.

A little red colt with long jet black hair emerged from the shadows. Unlike the rest of the ponies in this town, he had a face. He wore sad eyes, and despite being just a child, he carried heavy bags underneath his eyes. There was something eerie about his appearance to Celestia, it left her frozen, unable to even move her hooves.

“What’s the matter, Celestia? Do you not remember? I remember.” The little colt smiled happily and skipped over towards her.

“I-I can’t say I do...” Celestia spoke softly, her every breath exaggerated as the smiling foal bounced closer.

The colt responded by nuzzling the Princess’ leg. “You forgot me, didn’t you?” He looked up at Celestia, his maroon eyes shining through the dim lighting.

“Th-those eyes! It can’t be-you can’t be here! I watched you- get away from me!” Celestia screamed, using her hoof to push the colt away. As soon as the colt parted from her leg, she took off back the way she came. However, it seemed no matter how hard she tried, the door came no closer. She looked back to see if she was making distance from the little pony, and was met with those empty maroon eyes, never ceasing to weasel their way into her very soul. Celestia closed her eyes shut tight, and screamed out.

She felt a vivid tugging sensation course through her body. It was as if she was being pulled from this world by some malevolent otherworldly force.

“Celestia,” A voice called out from the darkness. It was soft, and sweet, yet it was too far away for her to recognize it. “Celestia!” It called out again. Curious, Celestia opened her eyes only to feel herself being shaken by a pair of blue hooves. Through blurred vision, she was barely able to make out the unique form of her sister, Luna.

“Celestia, what has gotten into you? This is the third time this week you’ve started screaming in your sleep.” Celestia glanced idly at her hooves, paying no mind to her frantic sister. Another nightmare? she thought. Recently she had been experiencing them almost every night, and every one was a little worse than the last. She contemplated telling her sister, but what would she say? That she had been having nightmares? Surely a Princess should not be so distraught over such trivial things. Then a question came to mind: are these even normal dreams?

“Luna...can I ask you something?” Sensing Celestia was troubled, Luna smiled and nodded generously.

“Of course, sister.”

“What would you say...if I told you I’ve been having nightmares about our past?” Luna gasped at the last word.

“What were your nightmares about?” asked Luna. Celestia looked away from her sister, which caused a surge of suspicion in Luna

“I’ve been dreaming about... I don’t know. I’m seeing things, sister. Things I haven’t even remembered since before your...-” Celestia trailed off, not wanting to bring up the subject of her sister’s banishment. “I saw that col-”

“I know where this is going Celestia. The only thing I can tell you is to simply push it out of your head; think better thoughts.” Luna frowned and turned from her sister.

“I’ve tried, Luna. They just...keep coming back.”

“What do you mean they keep coming back? You told me you handled this.”

Celestia groaned and rolled towards the edge of the bed. She pulled herself out, and landed gracefully on her hooves. “I-...Look, we need to deal with this okay? You’ve dabbled in darker magic, there has to be something you can do.”

A troubled look crossed Luna’s face. It was obvious that she wanted to say something, but seemed less than eager to share. After a second of careful thought, Luna spoke. “There is one spell, from my darker days. Despite your rude interjections about my past, I’ll be happy to help. Though you’re going to have to find someone else to do it, one of us must remain among the sensible.”

Celestia grumbled. “I suppose. Surely we can find another trustworthy unicorn who would be capable of casting such a spell?” Celestia did her best to play the whole situation off, but in her heart, she wished the ordeal to be over so she could finally have a decent night’s sleep. So she could stop seeing ancient faces.

“It's truly powerful magic, ‘Tia.” Luna began to pace around the room. “I do not know of many who could pull off such a powerful spell. Many of our court wizards are away on that diplomatic mission...I can think of only one other, trustworthy, unicorn.”

Celestia’s ears perked up. She almost surely knew who Luna was mentioning towards, and honestly did not know how she would feel about this. “Who?” she redundantly asked.

“Twilight Sparkle, of course.” Luna grinned and giggled slightly. In all honestly, while Twilight really was the only viable option, she was still going to enjoy seeing Celestia’s pupil invade her teacher’s very mind.

“No. Absolutely not. I shall not have my most precious student involved in something like this! How would we know if she even powerful enough to perform such a spell?” Celestia raised her voice, but Luna could tell by the look on her face that she was more worried than anything.

“I believe this is within her ability. She is quite gifted, as I’m sure you have come to realize. Twilight is not the innocent filly you used to mentor... she has grown up to be a very competent young mare.”

Celestia sighed deeply. She still didn’t want to do this, but given the circumstances she felt Twilight was the best choice. After all, she would have to stop treating her like a filly eventually. “Fine, I shall send word to her at once. Why don’t you go head down for breakfast? I...want to be alone, for a bit.”

Luna smiled gently, and bowed curtly. “Of course sister. I hear we are having crêpes this morning!” Luna giggled. She then quickly exited the dormitory, leaving Celestia alone, baffled, to begin writing Twilight’s letter.

She used her magic to open the drawer on the nearby dresser. Inside were a few scrolls and a quill tucked neatly next to an assortment of yellowed photos. Celestia spared them a passing glance before carefully pushing them to the side. They were ancient, and of the earliest times of the twin sisters rule. For many years Celestia had contemplated tossing them, but they always found a way back into heart. There was something strange about them though; all the faces had been wiped. She had originally assumed that it was simply a result of bad photo taking on her sister’s part, but with recent events she began to think otherwise.

For now, however, they would remain locked away until Celestia could begin to understand. Perhaps Twilight really could be a help to her. She levitated the the other materials of the drawer over to the desk in front of her.

Twilight Sparkle-

“What to put?” she mouthed. How would you describe a situation like this? How could you tell someone that you admires you; no, idolizes you, that you fear for the very sanctity of your mind. It is not something that could be so easily transmitted through person. This was going to be something she would have to do face to face.

I hope you are doing well, and learning much about the magic of friendship. I am writing this to inform you that Luna and I are hosting a dinner tonight, and we're hoping you could join us. I understand it is such short notice, and appropriate transportation could be arranged if you so desired.

~Celestia

Celestia hated to be so cut and dry with her, but there really was no other way. She would have to explain everything to Twilight once she arrived. Celestia smiled as her horn began to glow. The parchment neatly rolled itself up before disappearing into a bright puff of green smoke.

As Celestia went to leave, she heard her bedroom door creak open. Standing in the doorway was one of the castle’s many servants, Morning Rain. She was a cerulean unicorn, with shiny, sky blue eyes. Her cutie mark was what intrigued Celestia the most; two stars on either side of a triangle.

“Miss Celestia?” Morning Rain spoke softly, but at the same time showed no signs of weakness. “We have breakfast ready, if you will join us.”

Celestia smiled weakly. “Ah yes, of course. I’m finished here...I’ll meet you downstairs. Thank you...”