Nona On Earth

by Pumpkinonimous

Rating: mature
Tags: Anthro, Alternate Universe, Romance, Comedy, Human
Length: 8434

Nona And Generic go to Earth. Oh, God! Look out!

After the disastrous events in Ponyville, Generic goes back to his home town on Earth, taking Nona with him. Do we find out if he has a name?

Celestia and Twilight make appearances at the end of the story.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-13 21:10:01 UTC

Nona On Earth: Part One

Nona and I stepped out of the transport arch onto the station platform. She had shifted into the form of an absolutely stunning cream skinned green eyed redhead while we were in transit.

I was glad of that because, although ponies were pretty common on Earth, now, I was sure very few if any ponies or humans had ever seen a changeling in their natural form. I was pretty sure they wouldn’t want to but you never know; there’s some pretty freaky humans out there. (Fuck me! I was one of them!)

I looked around, saw a sign. Park Street Station. I headed across the platform to a flight of old Victorian style iron and concrete stairs, headed up with Nona close behind.

Another platform, this one for trolley cars, another flight of stairs.

It’s a good thing Nona had a parasol. It was a bright day. We stepped out of that ancient Victorian transport entrance onto the corner of the Park and Tremont streets on the edge of the Boston Commons.

Those entryways had to be two hundred years old. Everything else in Boston was new, why the fuck had they kept these ugly, ancient things?

I looked around. I wasn’t surprised to see ponies either walking hurriedly, lounging on the grass of the Boston Commons reading books, sitting on benches reading newspapers or talking with humans or other ponies. That had been a common sight from the time I was boy.

I tried to imagine a time when there were no ponies on Earth. I couldn’t. There had to be a time when there weren’t any, though, I just couldn’t picture it.

I smiled when I saw the old North Church across the street. Had they renovated it? It looked kind of new.

I turned right and we headed toward a corner, pushed the walk button on a stop light and waited.

People were staring at Nona. That stunning, beautiful, gorgeous redhead. Guys looked at me with envy, women looked at her with jealousy. We ignored them.

“You gonna be okay in that form for a while?”, I asked her.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine”, she said.

Just then she looked up, saw some pigeons sitting on utility a wire above our heads.

“What’re those?”, she asked, glancing at me sidewise.

“Pigeons”, I said, "I thought you’d been to Earth, before?”

“Yeah, but I never saw those, before!”, she said. She suddenly got a look in her eye. I knew what was coming. I wondered if she chewed before swallowing?

As I watched, her tongue shot out, snagged one of the pigeons and dragged it, flapping and squawking all the way down to her mouth. Gulp! That slowmo vore thing again as it slid down her gullet fighting desperately all the way down. The sight of that gorgeous redhead swallowing a live pigeon whole! Anyway, that answered my question! She didn’t chew.

A well dressed businessman who’d been waiting with us for the light to change had seen the whole thing. He stared, shocked, paled, took a couple of stumbling steps backward before he turned and ran down the street terrified and screaming.

Nona blushed. “Sorry about that”, she said, realizing what she’d unwittingly done.

“Meh”, I shrugged, “It’ll give him something to tell his wife. If he has one. Or his girlfriend.”

“What if he’s gay?”, she asked.

“Huh! I hadn’t thought of that”, I shrugged. ‘If he wasn’t gay before this he would be, now!’, I thought. Poor bastard would probably have nightmares for the rest of his life.

Light change. Green. We crossed Tremont street, walked down to Winter street. A moment later we were on Washington street. I looked around, remembering where everything was.

“So, what’re we doing here?”, she asked, eyeing another line of pigeons on an overhead wire. She started to open her mouth, thought better of it.

“Currency exchange”, I said, “We can’t use bits here.”

We  turned left and we headed up Washington street. It was late afternoon so the tall, old Victorian skyscrapers put the street in shade which was nice for Nona.

We walked about a half block until I saw a black enamel painted door with the words “Greater Boston Currency Exchange painted on the glass in gold leaf letters. We stepped inside.

An elegantly dressed middle aged man smiled and greeted us as we stepped up to the glass counter.

“May I help you, sir?”, he asked.

I opened my duffle, took out my bag of bits, laid it on the counter.

He smiled as he picked it up, daintily hefted it, opened it and looked inside.

He stepped away, returning a moment later with a bit counter. He started counting the coins.

“Nice weather we’re having”, I said, trying to make small talk to pass the time. He grunted but said nothing. Yeah, he was trying to be nice but it was clear he had no desire to rub elbows with the unwashed masses. Snobby prick.

He finished counting a moment later, took a small, yellow pad from under the counter, filled out a receipt. A moment later he slid the pad toward me with a pen.

“Sign here, please”, he said, pointing to the signature line.

I scribbled my name. He separated the sheets from the pad, handed one to me, stepped off to the back room, returned a moment later.

“One, two three hundred and... Fifty three cents”, he said, as he counted out the hundred dollar bills and some coins.

Three hundred bucks for about twelve thousand bits!? Fucking exchange rates. I wondered if I was being gypped.

“Oh, can I get change for the train?”, I asked.

The bastard eyed me like I’d just called his mother a whore.

“Nevermind”, I said, as I snatched the receipt and the money off the counter and we headed out the door to Washington street.

Just then, off to the left,  a glint of bright red neon caught my eye. I looked.

Bickford’s said the neon sign. I was shocked! They’d rebuilt Bickford’s Cafeteria? I grinned broadly as I headed  for the entrance.

“You hungry?”, I asked over my shoulder.

“Can I snag another pigeon?”, Nona asked from just behind me, “I like those! The feathers tickle on the way down.” I cringed.

“You might like this”, I said, “they used to have the best turkey dinners. I hope they still do.”

Nona frowned but followed me as we stepped through the huge chromed steel and glass double doors.

Yep! It was just like I remembered! Large, black and white checkered linoleum floor,  chrome trimmed red tables and chairs and, of course, the huge, chrome and glass cases, showing dozens of well lighted steam trays.

A pretty little Asian woman stood by the cash register eyeing us as we walked in. I grabbed a red plastic tray, some napkins and silverware from the end of the counter, took a few steps toward the cash toward her and started looking at the different items on the other side of the glass.

“You still got the full turkey dinner?”, I asked

“Yah, we got dat”, she said. She looked bored.

“I’ll have that”, I said, smiling and licking my lips.

She grabbed a large plate and started spooning stuff onto it. Sliced turkey, mashed potatoes, peas, cranberry sauce, large white-bread roll. A moment later a ladle of gravy over the potatoes. She paused, looked at me.

“You wan’ gravy on your turkey?”, she asked in very charming accent. I smiled, nodded, imagined what she looked like naked. Nona smacked my arm and gave me a look. Her damn mind reading again!

The server obliviously but generously poured gravy over the turkey.

“An’ what wou’ you  like?”, she asked Nona, who pointed out the window at some pigeons sitting on a wire outside.

“Can I get some of those cooked?”, Nona asked.

The server looked at her like she was sprouting heads!

I leaned in toward the server.

“She’s not from around here”, I said, in a grinning, winking aside. The server continued to stare.

“Give her the baked chicken dinner”, I said. The server started filling up another plate.

We moved to the register, the server started ringing us up.

“So, where your frien’ from?”, the server asked casually as she fingered the keypad.

“Equestria”, Nona said. The server paused, eyed her.

“You don’ look like you from Equestria”, she said, “I thought you was all horses or something?” She’d obviously never been there.

“Ponies”, I corrected.

“Wha’ever”, she shrugged.

Just then Nona shifted back to her normal Changeling form.

“But I am from Equestria”, Nona smiled as pleasantly as a hole riddled, scraggle horned, green eyed, massively fanged changeling could.

The server looked up, froze, stared. She looked like she was about to piss herself.

“Uh... Uh... This dinner on the house! You have a nice meal!”, the server squeaked as she turned and ran for the back room.

“But, I need change for the bus!”, I called.

A second later a hand full of bills flew out from the back room, fluttered to the floor, followed by, “There! You go get bus now! We’re closed!”

Fuck!

Ignoring the now whimpering server crouching in the back room I grabbed the tray and headed for a table, Nona following. We sat down. I put Nona’s plate in front of her. She stared at it.

“It’s chicken”, I said, “just like those things out on the wire.”

She smiled, then frowned.

“Where are the feathers?”, she asked.

“We take those off before we cook them”, I said.

She shrugged, picked up a leg, sniffed it, stuck the whole thing in her mouth, swallowed,  pulled out a bare bone a second later.

At that moment I was really glad it wasn’t a turkey leg. Or worse, a leg of lamb! I cringed when I wondered what she’d do to  a whole cow.

“Not bad but I’d like it better with feathers”, she said as she continued to pick at and try different things on her plate. I shrugged. Suddenly I was worried. Was I getting used to this.

...

Back on the street I began looking around for some place where I could buy something cheap in order to break one  of the hundred dollar bills in my pocket.

No, I hadn’t taken the money from where the panicked and terrified server had thrown it. In fact, I’d  begged her to let us pay for our meals. She kept yelling at us to get out or she’d call the cops.

Just as we stepped onto the street the server raced from the back room, locked the doors and began barricading them with chairs. I glanced back at her, shrugged, headed down the street with Nona.

“Uh, are we going to be at your mother’s house, soon?”, asked Nona, as we walked on, “I’m getting tired and I don’t know how much longer I can hold this form.”

“Probably another hour or so”, I said, “can you hang on for that long?”

Nona shrugged.

“So, just go back to your normal form”, I said. Nona stared at me.

“You saw how that server reacted to me when she saw me like that!”, she shuddered.

“Hey, they’re just gonna have to get used to you”, I shrugged.

Nona frowned. Poor Nona. I began to wonder if she’d ever be truly happy anywhere? Hell, I knew that feeling all too well, myself. We continued down the street.

Just then she took my arm, snuggled up close to me, kissed my cheek.

“That was sweet”, she smiled. She’d read my mind again. A tiny smile curled my lip. I couldn’t help it.

Suddenly, a liquor store. We stepped inside, the fat, greasy, unshaven guy behind the counter eyed us suspiciously as we walked in. I wondered if he got robbed a lot?

Time to make a decision: what to buy? And would Mr Greasy break a hundred, anyway? I glanced around the store at the racks and racks of incredibly cheap knock-off booze. ‘Tankaray’? ‘Jack Dann’? ‘Bundtweiser’?

I shuddered, began to think that the guy probably didn’t even have a hundred bucks in his register.

“Ah, my frien’! My frien’!” cheesy grinned counter guy. What an incredibly cheesy smile! I was instantly reminded of a character from Aladdin, “what I get for you, today?”

“Can you break a hundred?”, I asked, “I’ll buy something”

“Read sign on door! No make change”, he scowled. “You can still buy something though”, instant cheesy grin again.

I wondered how many years he’d been practicing that grin, wondered how many more he’d have to practice before he got it right.

“Meh”, I shrugged, heading back out the door. Mr Greasy just acted like this happened to him all day every day.

I wondered if we were going to waste the rest of the day just trying to get change for the bus?

Just then I saw it! That beautiful green and white sign that spelled our salvation and deliverance out of here!

“Starbuck’s!”

We stepped in through the doors, up to the counter.

“May I help you?”, smiled the barista in an incredibly cheerful way that made me instantly think of some sickeningly sweet cartoon character. I had to suppress an urge to punch him.

“Yeah... Mocha Frappuccino double shot caramel sauce no whip”, I said. ‘Yeah that should keep me sleepless for a day or two’, I thought.

The barista picked up a clear plastic, green-and-white logo-ed cup, scribbled on it.

“Will that be all, sir?”, he asked with a grin that covered two thirds of his face. I suppressed another violent urge.

“Yeah”, I muttered.

“That’ll be four fifty, please”, he said. I handed him a hundred. He didn’t even blink. Change!

“Oh, can I get change for a five and some quarters?”, I asked.

“Sure!”, he smiled,  in a way that made me want to stab him in the eye with an ice pick.

He took my five, handed back four ones, four quarters.

“Have a wonderful day, sir!”. Suddenly his face disappeared into that grin.

“Yeah”, I said.

I turned to see Nona sitting at an empty table, frowned. She looked tired. I worried she couldn’t hold her shape much longer. I sat down with her.

“Are you okay?”, I asked. She looked up, smiled weakly at me, patted my hand.

“You’re the only one who ever cared enough to ask me that”, she said, leaving her hand on mine.

A moment later the barista set my drink on the counter.

“Your order is ready, sir!” Holy shit! That Jimmy-Carter-Grin-On-Steroids! Sudden desire to hit him with a chair.

I grabbed my drink from the counter, returned to Nona. She smiled as I sat down.

“What’s that?”, she asked, looking at my drink.

“It’s coffee”, I said, as I stuck a straw in the top, offered it to her.

She took it, looked at it, sucked down half the cup.

“Woah! Take it easy!”, I blurted.

“Gnah!”, she screeched, gritting her teeth as she grabbed her forehead with both hands, “what the fuck?!”

“Brain freeze”, I said, “put your tongue on the roof of your mouth, it’ll make it go away.”

Remembering her tongue, I wondered if that would work?

Her face softened as the pain disappeared. She stared at me.

“How can you drink that shit?”, she asked, very surprised.

“I don’t drink it all at once like you did”, I said, “that’s why you got a brain freeze.”

“Okay, then”, she said, eyeing the cup and obviously wondering why I’d wasted almost five bucks on the thing, then, “you ready to go?”

Nodding, I rose from my seat, leaving the drink on the table. I really didn’t want it, anyway, just needed to get change for the bus.

Nona On Earth: Part Two

We stood on the underground platform waiting for the train that would take us to Forest Hills Station.

“So-I-said-I-don’t-care-if-you-found-it-first!-you-don’t-have-to-be-such-a-cunt-about-everything?-So-she-runs-off-to-Chrysalis-and-starts-screaming-about-how-I-was-trying-to-steal-her-stuff!-What-a-bitch!”, Nona blurted manically, her hands fluttering wildly, her eyes bugging.

‘No more coffee for Nona!’, I thought.

At least she wasn’t tired anymore but she was being so hyper, now, people were beginning to stare at us.

Or maybe it was because she kept quickly and subtly shifting back and forth from redhead to changeling to redhead again? Nah, that couldn’t be it. It had to be the babbling.

The train arrived. We got on the car. Nobody else did.

Nona was still babbling like a speed freak ten minutes later as the train pulled into Forest Hills station. By that time she’d stopped shifting and stayed in her Changeling form. We were the only two left in the car when we got off. Strange, because it was rush hour.

We exited the platform, headed down some stairs to the street. I looked at the still manic and babbling Nona. Funny. Even in her changeling form she still looked good in a sun dress.

We walked across the station to where we could catch the bus that would take us to our final destination. Others standing waiting for the bus looked at us nervously, began edging away. One old woman held on to her handbag as if she feared one of us might snatch it from her. I suspected she thought it might be me. Yeah, old women’d  looked at me like that, before.

“So, I guess it really doesn’t bother you being in your changeling form in public, now?”, I asked Nona.

“It-still-bothers-me-but-you-were-right-when-you-said-they’ll-just-have-to-get-used-to-me-can-we-go-back-to-starbucks-and-get-more-of-that-coffee-stuff-wait-is-there-a-bathroom-around-here-I-think-I-need-to-pee”, she babbled. The other people waiting for the bus edged further away.

...

The coffee’d warn off by the time we got to our stop so Nona wasn’t hyper, anymore.

I was relieved. She’d attracted some serious attention when she started mooning pedestrians from our window on the bus, her bare ass pressed hard against the glass. A few of those on the street responded with cheers. Mothers covered their children’s eyes. A few flipped us off.  One guy threw a trash can at us.

Ten minutes later we exited the completely empty bus, the  frightened driver eyeing us nervously as we stepped out onto High street.

We’d just cleared  the doors when they slammed shut. Tires screeched and the bus roared away in a diesel stinking cloud of smoke. More tires screeched as several cars crashed into each other.

‘Nothing’s changed in this town’, I thought blandly as I watched several more cars try to beat each other at a nearby stop sign and barrel headlong into each other in a loud and mighty crash, the drivers leaping out cussing loudly. A four way fist fight started. Ah, it was good to be home!

Nona opened her parasol, lifted it over her head as she shifted back to her redhead form.

Just then we heard a scream from down the street, turned to see what was happening.

Some asshole was struggling to grab a purse away from a terrified woman about a half block down the street, the other pedestrians either walking on quickly or just standing there watching.

Nona quickly jumped to a spot where she could get a clear shot. A second later her tongue shot out toward the now running mugger. It wrapped around his ankle and down he went, falling face first onto the pavement with a loud splat.

Going down on all fours, Nona began quickly dragging the terrified, frantically struggling and screaming mugger toward her. I thought she was going to eat him!

Stopping just a foot from her, Nona released the mugger. Straddling his stomach she leaned down nose to nose with him,  glaring fiercely at him. I heard a distinct fart-like sound and a stench filled the air a moment later.

“I hate thieves!”, growled Nona in her metal-over-gravel voice, her eyes blazing, into the face of the terrified and squirming mugger, as those who had seen what had happened ran off down the street screaming. Well, all except the woman who’d been mugged.

She was approaching us in halting, nervous steps wondering what had just happened.

Snatching the purse away from the mugger who was still desperately clutching it to his chest like a shield, Nona rose and handed it back to the woman with a smile. Those fangs!

The woman quickly, nervously grimaced her thanks and ran off down the street.

Nona stood up, reached down, grabbed the guy and dragged him to his feet.

“Don’t you ever steal anything again!”, she growled in his face before pushing him back violently.

Stumbling, he turned and raced off screaming. Brown liquid ran down his leg and out from under his pants cuff, leaving a trail on the pavement.

The few brave souls who’d remained to watch the show now smiled and applauded at what Nona had done.

Nona turned and bowed dramatically to the clapping spectators before we turned and walked away.

“Since when did you become super cop?”, I asked, my eyebrow raising. She glanced at me.

“I don’t like thieves”, she said, “My sisters used to steal stuff from me all the time. I hated it.”

I shrugged, smiled. Thinking about it I realized it was pretty cool after all. Then I had an idea (Oh, fuck me!); she’d be great on a fishing trip, she wouldn’t need any tackle!

“How long is that tongue of yours, anyway?”, I asked.

“I’m not sure”, she said, “how long is a football field?”

...

A two mile walk later and we were standing in front of my mother’s house on a quiet suburban street. Tired after that walk, Nona’d reverted to her changeling form.

We walked up to the front door. I was just ready to knock when the door opened and a frumpy, middle aged woman, her hair pulled up in a tight bun and wearing an old house dress, apron and blindingly pink horn rimmed glasses opened the door and stared at us.

“Oh... You’re back”, she said blandly to me, like I’d just returned from the Seven Eleven, not a five year sojourn in Equestria. She eyed Nona.

“Hello Mrs G!”, smiled Nona as pleasantly as she could.

My mother looked at the changeling, took in every detail of her lank, black hair, her deep charcoal skin, massive cat-like green eyes, fangs and scraggled horn.

“Are you his girlfriend?”, my mother asked, eyeing me. Nona smiled and nodded.

“So, you finally got a girlfriend huh?”, she said to me, “Good! I was beginning to think you were gay.”

“Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend, ma”, I said. Nona scowled and elbowed me.

“Meh”, ma said as she turned to go inside, leaving the door open for us, “at least she doesn’t have a moustache like the last one did. Your taste in girlfriends is improving.”

Nona glanced at me, giggled. I was embarrassed. It wouldn’t be the last time.

“You don’t seem surprised by my appearance, Mrs G”, said Nona, as we stepped in.

“You haven’t seen some of the things he’s dragged home”,  ma said as she shuffled toward the kitchen. “Trust me, honey! You’re an improvement!”

I turned red and face palmed.

“So, I suppose you wanna stay here with your girlfriend?”, asked ma, getting straight to the point as we stepped into the kitchen. I tossed my duffle into a corner. Ma started opening and looking through cupboards.

“Well, yeah, ma. If that’s okay with you?”, I said.

“So, how was your little horsy land?”, she asked.

I knew exactly what she meant by that. I was sure she was thinking I’d done something incredibly stupid and gotten thrown out for it. She wasn’t far from the truth.

“Ponyville, ma, and it’s Equestria”, I corrected.

“Meh, whatever”, she shrugged, “Still I’d rather have you here than sleeping in some alley somewhere.”

“So, are you hungry? Would you like something?”, ma was asking Nona, not me.

“We have soup...”, she said, pointing to shelves full of obsessively neat rows of canned goods. She stepped over to the fridge, opened the freezer. “And frozen fried chicken”, she said, pulling a brightly colored box out of the freezer, showing it to us.

“I’m not hungry but thank you, Mrs G”, Nona said.

“Such a polite girl”, said ma, as she chucked the box back into the freezer, closed the door. Did my mother almost smile?

“Uh, what about me, ma?”, I asked, feeling slighted.

“What about you?”, she asked, “and where’s all this money you were writing home bragging about? What, you can’t buy yourself a burger?”

My mother joined us at the table, took a seat. She was now pointedly eyeing Nona. Again she got straight to the point.

“So, are you and him... You know..?” Her eyebrows shot up.

“Nona blushed, smiled, nodded.

“Oh, God!”, ma muttered, rolling her eyes as she got up from the table, left the room, returned a moment later.

“Here!”, she said, dropping an insanely large box of rubbers on the table in front of me.

“Ma!”, I blurted, embarrassed.

“Hey, I know you! You’ll need those!”, she said, sitting down, again.

“Excuse me, Mrs G, but we’re different species. He can’t get me pregnant”, said Nona.

Suddenly my mother sighed as if the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. Looking upward she crossed herself.

“Thank God!”, she muttered, “I can’t even begin to imagine what your kids would’ve look like.”

“Argh!”, I grunted as I rose from the table, grabbed my duffle and headed for the  basement door. I’d had enough. My ma was really getting on my nerves. I had to get away from her for a while.

My mother looked at me. “I cleaned your room. Honestly, I don’t know how anyone can eat so many bags of Doritos in one day.”

I opened the door and headed down the stairs.

I had to be careful going down, the one bare bulb in the center of the basement ceiling didn’t give off a whole lot of light. Fifteen watt bulbs never did.

Finally, at the bottom, I looked around in that dim light, went over to the table next to my bed, turned on a much brighter lamp. There! That was better.

I looked around the room, taking it all in. It was exactly as I had left it five years before except for one thing; it was clean!

The only thing that hadn’t been there when I’d left was a large, white plastic trash bag stuffed with old Doritos bags and soda cans. Other than that everything was spotless. My ma had cleaned my room.

I went over to my desk, pulled out my office chair and sat down. Reaching under my desk I pressed the button to start my computer and turned my monitor on.

A moment later the screen brightened and I stared at the desktop display.

I was surprised to find that my wireless keyboard and mouse still worked. Even turned off the batteries in those things should have been dead after five years. A I had a thought. (Fuck me!)

I got up and walked over to the bottom of the stairs.

“Have you been using my computer, ma?”, I shouted up to the kitchen.

“I used it to order some stuff online”, shouted my ma’s voice from the kitchen.

I frowned, confused. When did my mother learn to use a computer?

I returned to my computer, opened my E mail. I found at least ten pages of ads for adult toys, scented oils, lubes and lingerie.

“Ma! What’s all this in my in box?!”, I shouted up to the kitchen.

“What are you talking about?”, she shouted back.

“My in box is full of weird, adult ads!”, I shouted, disgusted.

“I’m a woman! I have needs!”, she shouted back.

Wait... Since when was I disgusted by stuff like this. I found myself becoming nauseous as I thought of my mother buying this stuff. Yeah, I guess I did have my limits after all.

I shut down my computer. I’d clean out my in box later after the shock of what I’d found wore off.

Before going back upstairs, grabbed the bag of trash and took it with me.

I stepped into the kitchen a moment later.

My mother threw her hand over her heart, stared at me shocked.

“Mother of God!”, she gasped, “After twenty five years he’s finally taking out the trash?!” She pulled her rosary beads out from under her house dress and kissed them, muttering, “thank you, God!”

I grunted, disgusted, and headed out the back door.

I returned a moment later to find my mother and Nona joking, laughing, and having a wonderful time. My mother had found an ally in Nona. I was fucked.

“Your mother is so nice!”, smiled Nona. My mother was beaming.

‘You don’t know her like I do’, I thought, scowling, as I took a seat at the table.

“She was telling me about how she found you in a dumpster”, Nona said, amused.

I stared at her, appalled.

“She’s telling you that story already?”, I said to Nona.  I turned and glared at my mother. “We just got here, ma! Couldn’t you wait five minutes?”

“Well, it’s true!”, my mother said, then, turning back to Nona, “It was when I was in college. I was taking out the trash. I was just about to go back to my dorm room when I heard his little cries! I looked in and there he was, all wrapped up in little pink blanket! He was so cute!” My mother scrunched her face up in delight at the memory.

She turned and frowned at me. “And look what I ended up with!”, she said, rolling her eyes.

“And you never took a mate”, asked Nona. My mother looked at her for a second.

“Oh! You mean married?”, ma said, “are you kidding?! Dumpster boy, here, was a full time job all by himself! There was no way I was going to take on a husband, too. I had enough to do!”

Nona laughed. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I chose to go back down to my room, instead.

Nona On Earth: Part Three

I’d been tired after having been up all night with Nona in the Ponyville Municipal Dump and then, later, running around Downtown Boston earlier that day so I’d decided to take a nap.

I woke up around eight that night. Confused by the slight, musty basement smell. I’d forgotten where I was. I opened my eyes and looked around. It was just then that I remembered that I wasn’t in Equestria anymore, was actually back in my mother’s basement. My heart sank. I missed Equestria already!

I rubbed my eyes, dragged myself off my bed and headed for the stairs.

I sleepily stepped into the kitchen a moment later to see Nona and my mother talking happily at the table which was now strewn with Chinese take-out boxes.

“I hope you don’t mind”, smiled Nona, who was happily fumbling with a pair of chopsticks, “But I snuck some money out of your wallet and bought take-out”

I scowled. No, I didn’t like the idea of Nona doing that but what could I do? If I said anything it’d make me look like a total dick. (Wait... Didn’t I look like a total dick, already? At least to my ma? Oh, fuck me!)

I sat down at the table and began groggily looking through the take-out boxes until I found the broccoli chicken. Chinese places always threw in a box of broccoli chicken. It was as predictable as the sunrise. I grabbed a paper plate and dumped the contents of the box onto it, my ma and Nona eating and talking happily.

Watching Nona eat with chopsticks was definitely a short trip into the strange; she’d clumsily pick up a piece of food with them, hold it out in front of her mouth. That tongue would shoot out, grab it and down it’d go. Gulp! My ma didn’t even bat an eye! It never ceased to amaze me how quickly she got used to things. I picked up a fork and started eating.

“You haven’t been very nice to your mother”, frowned Nona at me, pausing between bites.

‘Aw, shit!’, I thought, ‘here it comes!’

Yeah, leave any female, even a changeling, alone with my ma for five minutes and she’d have her breathing down my neck in six!

“What’d she tell you?”, I grumbled as I took a bite, frowned, then, “Where’d you order this take out?”

“The Frisky Rainbow Double Happiness Panda Of Triple Joy down on Bussy Street”, my ma said, as she shoveled another fork full into her mouth.

“Ack! They’re awful, ma!”, I grumbled, again, “What? You couldn’t order something from Dragon Spirit Happy Pheasant Of  Double Bliss And Triple Happy Smiles? They’re way better!”

My ma rolled her eyes as she chewed, then, “They were closed!”

“You need to be nicer to your mother”, insisted Nona. I looked up at her for a moment then glared at my ma.

“Why you always gotta do this, ma?”, I said.

“Do what?”, asked my mother, honestly surprised.

“Turn every girlfriend I get against me?”, I grumbled. I was grumbling a lot. My mother stared at me looking like she honestly didn’t understand what I was saying.

Nona’s face darkened. She laid her chopsticks down, rose from her seat. Walking over to me she grabbed my arm, dragged a startled and grumbling (Oh, fuck me) me out of my chair and into the living room.

“What’s wrong with you?”, she asked

“What! I didn’t do nothin’!”, I said.

“You treat your mother like shit and I don’t like it!” Nona growled, “Your mother is a very nice human female! You need to show her more respect.”

I sighed, rolled my eyes, shook my head but didn’t say anything. Nona continued to glare angrily at me.

“Well?”, she asked.

“What?!”, I asked, getting frustrated.

“Pfft! Nevermind!”, she said as he turned and headed back into the kitchen, disgusted. I didn’t like that she was pissed at me. It bothered me. A lot!

A moment later I stepped back into the kitchen, sat down and, and started eating.

“So, did Nona tell you she stopped a mugger, today?”, I asked my ma, trying to be nicer. Yeah, Nona had a point.

“No! She didn’t!”, my ma said, looking at me surprised, then  smiling at Nona, “So what happened, dear?”

Nona blushed shyly but said nothing. A humble Changeling. Go figure.

“We’d just gotten off the bus, ma, and some woman was getting mugged. Nona used that tongue of hers to stop the mugger”, I said. My mother’s eyebrows shot up. She looked at Nona.

“Well, bless your heart! Good for you!”, ma said, reaching over and patting Nona’s arm.

I filled ma in on the details. She laughed loudly when I got to the part where the mugger’d shit himself and had left a trail of shit down the street as he ran off. It was just then that it occurred to me that maybe Nona had a future as a super hero?

After that Nona started telling my ma about how we’d met,  wisely leaving out the Changeling-rape parts. Yeah, my ma definitely wouldn’t have understood that.

My ma went through shock, then surprise, then smiles as Nona got to the part where I’d brought her into the house to feed her, then more laughter when Nona told her about turning into a dish and me having to pretending to wash her, with her ending up pissed off and soaking wet.

Wait... What?! Were we actually starting to have a good time, here? My head spun! Still, it was the first time this’d ever happened with me and my ma and I was beginning to like it!

“So did she tell you about her mother?”, asked my ma, “and did you ever meet her?”

“I know all about her mother, ma, and if I’d ever met her I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you about it.”

“Well, Nona’s mom was a bitch”, said my ma, “But, then, if I had ten thousand children to take care of I guess I’d be a bitch too. I mean, just taking care of you was enough!” Nona rolled her eyes and laughed.

...

It was after midnight by the time we were done eating and talking and having fun. Yes, having fun!

“Thank you”, said Nona, smiling and kissing my cheek after we were downstairs in my room.

“For what?”, I asked.

“For making an effort”, she said. Huh! Had I made an effort? I shrugged. Maybe I had.

“Are you going job hunting in the morning?”, came my ma’s voice from the kitchen.

“Yeah, ma!”, I shouted back.

“Go see that nice Mister Octane down at the gas station. He’s that nice bright yellow pony fellow that owns it. I think he needs someone to work nights”, she shouted.

“Okay, ma!”, I shouted back.

“You’re really lucky”, said Nona, as she stripped off her sun dress and put on one of my old bathrobes. I was already in mine.

“Why?”, I asked.

“Your mother’s nice. I wish I’d had a nice mother”, she frowned.

I shrugged but said nothing as I headed upstairs, Nona right behind me.

A moment later we were back in the kitchen. My ma was finishing cleaning up. She actually smiled when she saw us.

“Come talk to me a minute”, she said to me, Turning to Nona she excused us. Taking me by the arm she led me to a corner of the living room. She turned to face me.

“Nona’s a very nice girl and I want you to take very good care of her”, my ma said.

I shrugged.

“Hey! She’s good for you!”, said ma, “I don’t know what she told you when she dragged you here into the living room, earlier, but you were a lot nicer after that. I’d never seen you like that, before.”

Again, I shrugged but, now I was really thinking about what my ma was telling me. Was Nona really good for me? I was beginning to wonder! (Oh, fuck me!)

Just then my ma drew her face closer to mine, looked deeply into my eyes.

“She loves you”, she said.

“What?!”, I blurted, surprised, “How do you know that? I haven’t even known her a couple of days! How can she love me, already?”

“A woman knows these things”, she said, “besides I see the way she looks at you.”

I guess I’d been so wrapped up in myself having to leave Equestria that I hadn’t really thought about it.

“That’s a once-in-a-lifetime-girl”, my ma said, “You just don’t walk away from a girl like that.”

“She’s a Changeling, ma! She could wake up one of these days, totally change her mind about me and I’d end up on her lunch menu!”, I said.

My ma looked down, frowned, looked back at me.

“No you wouldn’t”, she said, then, “She loves you! She’ll stay with you for the rest of your lives if you want her to. Please don’t be stupid about this, okay?”

Just then I felt a hand on my arm, turned to see Nona smiling at me.

“Your mother is right. I do love you”, Nona said.

“We haven’t even known each other a week!”, I said, "How’s that even possible?”

She took my face in her hands, kissed me. Long. Passionately. Sweetly. Right there in front of my mother!

She pulled away to look at me. I was breathless! I stared at her, blinking, my jaw dropped.

“See?”, Nona said, “I love you.”

I closed my eyes, shook my head, trying to wrap my brain around this revelation. (Oh, fuck me!)

I looked at Nona, then looked at my ma, who was now standing with her arms crossed, smiling at us both. Just then she patted my arm.

“You’ll figure it out”, she said before walking off.

...

I stepped into the shower, turned on the water, adjusted it to perfection. A moment later Nona stepped in beside me, shut the aluminum and glass door.

She wrapped her arms around me, pulled me close to her.

“I have a surprise for you”, she cooed. I smiled back at her as I wrapped my arms around her back and pulled her too me.

As we stood in that now amazingly erotic hot water we began kissing again in that same hot, sweet, passionate way we had, downstairs. I felt myself grow hard.

A moment later, I felt Nona’s clit reaching out, touching, probing. Within a moment it had completely wrapped its coils around my cock, completely enveloping it. We began gasping and moaning hard as we pressed our bodies hard against each other.

Nona’s clit began undulating, throbbing, pulsing, massaging my cock rhythmically but didn’t try to pull me inside of her. I let myself go, felt my body fill with pleasure.

Within a minute Nona was groaning loudly, gasping hot breaths into my ear as she hugged me more and more tightly.

Experimenting, I began biting her neck, her cheek, her ears. She gasped loudly when I did that.

“More... More of that!”, she moaned, “Yes! Oh, yes!”

Within another moment I shouted as I blew a huge load all over the front of Nona but she was still gasping, straining to reach climax.

“Let me go for a minute”, I said. She opened her eyes, looked at me. a second later I felt her clit release me.

I squatted down in front of her. Her clit was searching, probing again. I held my finger out in front of it. Nona’s clit found it, began wrapping itself around it.

I popped my finger into my mouth and slid Mona’s clit off of it with my tongue, began licking and rolling my tongue over and around it.

Nona’s clit responded instantly as it gently wrapped itself around my tongue, began wriggling, undulating more and more quickly. Nona’s gasps and breathing became louder and deeper.

A moment later she was gasping breathlessly as she reached down and took my head in her hands, stroking my soaking wet hair.

I continued working my tongue on her clit inside my mouth and a moment later Nona screamed out. Her body spasmed violently once, twice, three, four times.

She relaxed, her clit slid limply out of my mouth and back into her body. I rose to my feet, took her into my arms, smiled at her.

“That... Was beautiful!”, she smiled sweetly, breathlessly, wrapping her arms around me, laying her head on my shoulder, “Nobody’s ever done anything like that to me, before.”

We just stood there in that shower, holding each other, letting the water run over us until it got cold.

...

The next morning Nona and I, dressed and ready to go, stepped into the kitchen to find my ma also fully dressed.

But my ma wasn’t wearing her typical frumpy house dress and apron. No, I was surprised to see her wearing a smart and stylish office jacket, blouse and skirt and low heeled pumps, her hair done up in a way that made her look like an executive. Her  hot pink horn rims were gone, replaced by gold rim half frames.

“Ah! I’m glad to see you’re up and ready to go”, she said, smiling and rising from her seat.

“Good morning, Mrs G!”, smiled Nona, leaning down to kiss my ma on the cheek. My ma held her face up toward Nona’s lips and smiled.

“You look wonderful today, Mrs G!”, smiled Nona, very pleased.

“You’re too sweet, dear”, smiled my ma, patting Nona on the arm.

“Wow! Ma! You look gorgeous!”, I smiled, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek, too.

“I’ve never seen you dress like that, before. What’s the special occasion?”, I asked

“You said you’re going to see Mister Octane today, right?”, she asked.

“Well, yeah, but I wasn’t expecting you to go with me!”, I said.

“Of course I’m going with you”, she said firmly, “It’ll make all the difference in the world with Mister Octane. He’s such a nice pony.”

I shrugged. What’d I have to lose?

We opened the front door and were surprised to see Twilight Sparkle standing there, her hand raised as if she were just going to knock.

“Oh, hi!”, she said, surprised when she saw us.

“I’m Twilight Sparkle” she smiled, holding a hand out to my ma, “You must be Mrs G, it’s a pleasure to meet you! May I come in, please?”

“Yeah, sure”, said my ma, taking Twi’s hand and smiling back at her.

A moment later we were all seated in the living room.

“Okay”, started Twilight, looking at Nona, first, then at me, “I’ve had time to think about it and... Well... I want you to come back to Equestria. I’ll give you your old room back.”

I stared at her for a moment, then, “What about Nona?”

Twilight looked down, bit her lip, thinking, “I don’t know about that.”

“You two don’t get along?”, my ma asked Twilight, leaning toward her.

“It’s not that”, said Twilight, looking at my mother, now, “She’s a Changeling. They’re bitter enemies of Equestria, Mrs G.”

“She’s a very nice girl!”, insisted my mother, “She really is!”

Just then I had an idea. (Oh, man! Fuck me! Really!)

“You’re the Princess of Friendship”, I said to twilight, “This could be a real feather in your cap!” She looked at me, curious.

“What do you mean?”, she asked.

“Hey! Like I Said, you’re the P.O.F., in Equestria. If you could make friends with a nice Changeling, it’d be a major coup for you!”

“You know, you’re right!”, she said thinking, a smile slowly spreading over her face, “Very well! Nona may return with us!”

“Thank you, your highness”, said Nona, demurely with a little bow.

“Wait! ‘Your highness’? What ‘your highness’?”, my ma blurted,  staring at me, surprised, “She’s a Princess?! I got royalty in my house and you didn’t tell me?”

She reached over and slapped my arm then rose to her feet and stepped over to Twilight. Reaching out she took Twilight’s hand and kissed it like she was kissing the pope’s ring!

“It’s a great honor, your Highness!”, said my ma with a curtsy, “Such a wonderful pleasure to have you in my humble home!”

Twilight blushed, smiled shyly.

“The honor’s mine, Mrs G”, she said, “Your son is quite a guy, I can see where he gets all his class from.”

My ma turned and stared at me, shocked, then back to Twilight.

“Uh... Thank you!”, ma smiled.

“Well, I suppose we should get going if we’re going to catch the next transport back to Equestria”, said Twilight, rising to her hooves.

“Hey, ma! Why don’t you go with us?”, I asked, excited and hoping she’d say yes.

“I don’t know... I’ve got so many things to do here...”, she said uncertainly.

“You’re more than welcome to come with us”, Smiled Twilight.

“Yeah! Come on! Come with us, Mrs G!”, said Nona, nodding enthusiastically, her eyes hopeful, “You’ll love it there!”

My ma reached out and patted Nona’s arm, smiled.

“Okay”, she said, “I’ve really got nothing to do here, anway”, she said.

We all cheered! My ma beamed.

“Give me a minute to go change”, ma said as she turned to go up the stairs.

“You’re welcome to go as you are”, smiled Twilight. My ma paused, thought a second.

“Yeah! Okay!”, she smiled, actually growing excited.

We all cheered again. My ma was beaming.

...

An hour later we were standing outside the transport terminal in Ponyville, my mother looking around in breathless awe, taking it all in.

“So, this is your horsie land?”, she asked.

“Ponyville, ma. Equestria”, I corrected gently with a smile. A moment later we were walking toward Ponyville Town Square.

Other ponies were looking at us. It must have been a shocking surprise to see Twilight walking with me, my mother and a friendly Changeling. Some of them openly stared but at least didn’t run away in terror at the sight of Nona.

Just then a beautiful, white mare with rippling and flowing pastel rainbow hair and wearing a gold crown approached us.

“Well! If it isn’t my number one student!”, said Celestia as she approached us, smiling. My mother stared.

“Good morning, Celestia!”, smiled Twilight then turned toward us.

“You know G, of course”, Twilight said, nodding toward me, “And this is his mother, Mrs G”. She nodded to my ma.

“Your highness!”, smiled my ma with a curtsey.

“A pleasure to meet you, Mrs G. We’ve heard so much about you!”, said Celestia. My ma looked at me, surprised.

“I might have said a few things”, I shrugged, smiling. My ma blushed, smiled.

“And this is Nona”, said Twilight. Celestia couldn’t resist staring for a moment.

“You’re a Changeling”, said Celestia, her expression unreadable.

“Yes, your Highness”, said Nona, curtseying respectfully to Celestia. Celestia smiled, pleased, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Celestia turned to Twilight.

“Well, isn’t this something!”, Celestia smiled, “You’ve reached a whole new level of friendship, my dear! Kudos!”

Twilight beamed, turned and smiled brightly at me. Her expression saying, ‘Yes! You called this one right!’

“Please excuse me but I have duties to perform”, said Celestia with a regal nod of the head. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Mrs G, and you too, Nona. Again, kudos, Twilight! I look forward to reading your next report!”

We all stood smiling brightly as she turned and walked away.

Just then several curious ponies approached us, began greeting us. We introduced ourselves, chatted pleasantly for a while before we headed off.

“So, is everyone here always this friendly and nice?”, my ma asked as we walked toward Twilight’s house.

“Yeah, ma, they really are! And all the time, too!”

My mother smiled, impressed.

“I think I’m going to like this visit. Yeah, I think I’m going to like this visit a lot!”, ma beamed as she walked close to me and took my arm. For the first time she was a proud mother.

“You never told me you knew princesses!”, she said to me as we stepped into Golden Oaks, “You should have told me! I would have come here sooner!”

I chuckled.

We stepped inside and, closed the door behind us.

“What a beautiful home you have, Twilight!”, said my ma very impressed.

“Thank you, Mrs G”, said Twilight, very pleased.

“Yeah”, said my ma, “I think I’m definitely going to like this visit.”