RainbowJackass

by Fimficdiculous Studios

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1208

What happens when you mix Ponyville's fastest flyer with "Jackass"? Let's find out...

We here at Fimficdiculous Studios have imagined what would happen if we crossed Rainbow Dash with the movie "Jackass". The outcome was probably one of the most entertaining things to write. We think it came out pretty good. What do you think?

Published 2015-07-13 21:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-13 21:20:02 UTC

RainbowJackass

As the static clears, a cyan pegasus mare with a chromatic mane can be seen standing on a roof to the right of a cart, with a while filly with a purple and pink mane standing to the left of the cart and a yellow filly with a red mane and a large bow standing to the right of the mare. The mare places her front left hoof on her chest and proudly announces:

“Hi, I'm Rainbow Dash, and this is the rocket cart. The mares expression loses its cockiness and turns slightly sour as she yells at the pony operating the camera. Scootaloo, is that camera recording?”

The little filly to the left speaks up.

“I don't think this is a good idea, guys.” The cyan mare on screen looks to the left and addresses the filly.

Quiet, Sweetie Belle! I didn't steal these rockets from Twilight just to have you back out.” The cyan mare points straight up and addresses the filly once more, this time with a tone of anticipation and demand. “You’re going to the moon.

A voice is heard offscreen, seeming to belong to a country mare.

“Ah'm gonna have ta agree with Sweetie on this one. You fellas are bound ta get yerselves killed!”

“Be glad it isn't Applebloom that’s getting launched,” retorted Rainbow.

“Jest don't come ta me when somethin' goes wrong. The sound of clopping hooves suggests the country mare trotted away.

Rainbow Dash practically ignores the warning and continues with her plan.

“Blah, blah, blah. Scootaloo it is time for my closeup?”

The cameramare, who can be assumed to be Scootaloo, tells Rainbow Yep the camera's right on you Rainbow Dash! Scootaloo sounds swoon just saying the name of the cyan pegasus.

The yellow filly to the right utters gleefully:

“Maybe Sweetie Belle'll get 'er cutie mark in rocketeerin'! Dash whispers to the filly, covering her mouth with her hoof in a failed attempt to mask the sound.

How do you think I got her in that rocket?”

Scootaloo interrupts the two.

“Rainbow Dash, it's your closeup! Aren't you going to say something?” Dash took a moment to remember she was on camera and was supposed to introduce the cart.

Oh... Hi. I'm Rainbow Dash and this is the rocket cart. I found two big rockets and glued them to the side of this cart. I would like to thank Sweetie Belle for being the brave astronaut that volunteered to be launched to the moon!”

Scootaloo pans the camera to the right to reveal a levendar unicorn walking over to her friends. She starts talking as she gets close.

“My little ponies! What are you up to this morning?... Wait a minute.... RAINBOW! ARE THOSE MY ROCKETS!? The unicorn mare appears greatly disturbed, and more than a little pissed off. Scootaloo pans the camera over to Dash and Sweetie Belle again. Dash starts to panic.

“Um… start the launch sequence.”

“Uh oh... Replied Scootaloo from behind the camera.

Dash tries presing a button frantically, but it has no effect.

“Why isn't the button working!?

Scootaloo moves the camera over to the lavendar unicorn again.

“DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE COST!? GIVE THOSE BACK TO ME THIS INSTANT!” She uses her magic to teleport onto the roof, and Scootaloo pans over to the roof again. When she appears, Dash asks her in a voice of confusion and panic:

“Twilight why isn't the rocket launching? I keep pressing the button!”

“DAMMIT RAINBOW! I DON'T CARE, JUST GIVE ME MY ROCKETS!” The pegasus yells at the unicorn in disagreement.

“No, this has to go on YouStable!”

Twilight attempts to tear the rockets off the cart, and Dash interjects.

“Hey be careful! There’s like 30 bits worth of glue on that thing!”

“THESE ROCKETS BELONGED TO STARSWIRL THE BEARDED! THEY ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR LIFE!”

“Twilight, you know I don't study history! I don't even know who that is!”

“THEY WERE GIVEN TO ME BY PRINCESS CELESTIA FROM THE ROYAL MAGIC ARCHIVES IN CANTERLOT!”

“I’m sure Celestia won't mind.”

Twilight continues to tear on the cart.

“Hey. you're breaking my cart!”

“AND YOU STOLE MY ROCKETS!”

For the first time since the argument began, Scootaloo is heard behind the camera. This is SO going on YouStable!”

Dash notices Scootaloo is recording the argument and shifts her attention twoards the camera.

Scoots, turn that camera off! And Twilight stop nerding up my video!”

Scootaloo complains:

But what about the show?”

“My show isn't called nerds take my stuff.”

“This isn't going to happen is it? asked Sweetie Belle, still in the rocket cart.

“Sorry but Twilight had to ruin it… and Scootaloo, turn that camera off!”

“I ruined it!? These rockets are very old! Who knows if they even work anymore? The fuel's probably already rancid! Dash sees this comment as the perfect opportunity for an excuse.

“See! why would you or Princess Celestia want those old rusty rockets? I was doing you a favor!”

“I was using them for research! retorted Twilight.

Scootaloo is still filming the whole thing.

“Research is boring, at least I was using them for fun.”

“You were using age old rockets for fun. Uh huh.”

“Well, all you did was stare at them!”

Scootaloo is still filming the whole thing, giggling at the argument.

The yellow filly calls to Scootaloo from the roof.

“Scootaloo, Ah think you should turn the camera off; they might get mad.”

“But this is SO funny though! Dash heard Scootaloo over her argument.

“Scootaloo, what is so funny?

The recording ends.

Scootaloo immediately stops recording and hides her iPhone.

“Nothing. Just a YouStable video.”

Both of the arguing mares get off the roof and start yelling at Scootaloo.

“Have you been recording our argument!?”

Scootaloo says nothing.

“Well!?”

“What!? No! I was just watching a video on YouStable! Dash takes the opportunity to see if she is lying.

“Then let me see what you were watching to make sure it isn't bad.”

“I was just watching a cultpony video where they deep fried hay burgers.”

Dash looks skeptical.

“Then why can't you look at me when you say that?”

Scootaloo shoves her iPhone further down her pocket.

“Cuz you kinda look like one of the guys from the video?”

Twilight shouts up to Applebloom, who is still on the roof.

“Applebloom, what was Scootaloo doing?”

“Ah wasn't really payin' attention. The lie is far too noticeable.

“Then why are you sweating and looking away from me? I’m sure you don't want a cutie mark for lying!”

Scootaloo notices the focus is temporarily off of her and decides to make a run for it.

“You know what guys, I have some homework to finish for Ms.Cherrilee. see ya!”

Scootaloo rides off on her scooter.

Rainbow Dash yells after her.

“Dammit, Scootaloo! Get back here!”

Author's Note

This fic would not have been possible without a good friend of mine whom I wrote this fic with. The release of this fic is dedicated to him.
I would also like to extend thanks to the studio staff for polishing the fic into what it is now.
Also, there are more chapters and fics on the way! Keep an eye out!