Equestrian Thunderbolts

by Blondlionezel

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Trixie, Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Ms. Harshwhinny
Length: 949

A group of ex-villains who work for government doing...unsavory tasks.

Trixie Lulamoon leads a new team of ex-villains that do secret missions for the government, though not by the ex-villains choice. (Five-Shot)

Published 2015-07-15 07:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-15 07:20:01 UTC

Issue #1 - Dark Raid (Part 1)

Issue #1 - Dark Raid (Part 1)

In a dark, seedy cafe, during a dark, stormy night, Miss Harshwhinny, head honcho of the GBDA, the Government Bureau of Dark Affairs, had called in the great and powerful Trixie Lulamoon.

"So, how many have you found?" Miss Harshwhinny asked Trixie Lulamoon, "And are they the worst of the worst?"

"The great and powerful Trixie has found eleven of the worst!" Trixie Lulamoon answered as she handed Miss Harshwhinny eleven different files, each with a different name. The names were Songbird, Bullseye, Killer Shrike, Boomerang, Tarantula, Blackwing, Porcupine, Dreadknight, The Ghost, The Unicorn, and Crossbones, each locked up here for different reasons.

"You're kidding!" Miss Harshwhinny laughed, "These aren't the heavy-hitter villains I or the government wants!"

"Would you like to actually meet them?" Trixie Lulamoon offered.

"Fine..." Miss Harshwhinny grumbled.

The next day, during the dark hours of the morning, the two had began to look through the inmates of Iron Heights that had been selected for this program. Melissa Gold nicknamed Songbird, Lester nicknamed Bullseye, Simon Maddicks nicknamed, Killer Shrike, Anton Miguel Rodriguez nicknamed Tarantula, Joseph Manfredi nicknamed Blackwing, Alexander Gentry nicknamed Porcupine, Bram Velsing nicknamed Dreadknight, John Morley nicknamed The Ghost, Milos Masaryk nicknamed The Unicorn, and Brock Rumlow nicknamed Crossbones.

"Ma'am, the modifications have been completed" Dr. Jenkan, a scrawny, human doctor who worked for Iron Heights, informed Miss Harshwhinny.

"Excellent..." Miss Harshwhinny smiled deviously, as she looked towards the team.

"The great and powerful Trixie wants to know what modifications you talk about?" Trixie Lulamoon asked Miss Harshwhinny.

"You'll see" Miss Harshwhinny smiled.

"I see the tight-suited government officials have brought us out!" Bullseye sneered at the duo, causing Miss Harshwhinny to slap him in the face!

"Don't teat your superior that way!" Miss Harshwhinny growled at Bullseye.

"I'm sorry, but how are you, miss professionalism or some crap, our superior?" Songbird questioned Miss Harshwhinny's authority.

"Really? Then I'll show it right now!" Miss Harshwhinny inclined as she pressed a green button a round remote that freed The Unicorn.

"I'm free!" The Unicorn declared as he made a mad dash to freedom! However, before The Unicorn could escape through the front door, Miss Harshwhinny pressed a red button on the remote, making Unicorn stop. He felt as if his heart was pumping so fast, it would burst from his chest. Suddenly, The Unicorn's upper body exploded, sending chunks of his body, organs, and blood around the door area!

"MILOS!" Killer Shrike exclaimed, as tears filled his eyes. Killer Shrike and The Unicorn had been buddies for years, committing small acts of crime for the mafia, which allowed a friendship to grow between them

"And that's why I am your superior!" Miss Harshwhinny laughed.

"The great and powerful Trixie thinks that was a little extreme..." Trixie Lulamoon reeled in horror as she tried to hold back the vomit.

"Now that has been settled, I shall explain your mission" Miss Harshwhinny instructed the team, "Meet me at the reporting room in five minutes, got it?!"

As the team of villains began to walk towards the reporting room, Trixie looked over the scattered remains of The Unicorn.

"The great and powerful Trixie wants to know how you are going to clean up this mess?" Trixie Lulamoon asked worriedly, looking the splattered body of The Unicorn.

"Right! I forget!" Miss Harshwhinny remembered, "Janitors!"

As per her orders, a pair of janitors came in and began to mop up what remained of The Unicorn's corpse. Trixie Lulamoon bottled in her true feelings and walked with Miss Harshwhinny to the reporting room.

"Alright, your mission to break into a guarded facility in Russia" Miss Harswhinny explained to the team, "Any questions?"

"What are we going to be doing there?" Blackwing asked.

"You're going to be stealing weapons" Miss Harshwhinny instructed.

"What kind of weapons?" Tarantula questioned further.

"That's classified" Miss Harshwhinny answered coldly.

"Why the hell are we going to retrieve something that we don't even know?!" Bullseye demanded to know.

"Fine! Our forces have told us that they're building something called Firepower Suits" Miss Harshwhinny cracked under the pressure.

"And you couldn't send your own thugs because?" The Ghost snidely asked, causing laughter to break out among the team.

"I've heard enough! You start tomorrow!" Miss Harshwhinny ordered the team.

"What, you're not going to answer the question?" Boomerang asked and laughed, standing up.

"SHUT IT!" Miss Harshwhinny roared as she pressed the red button the remote, causing Boomerang to explode blood and guts all over the team! The whole room went silent for a minute, and then Miss Harshwhinny exited.

"My lord..." The Ghost starred at Boomerangs body, now all over the room.

"Well, we should get some shut-eye for now" Bullseye declared.

"I'm sorry, but who made you team leader?!" Crossbones asked Bullseye.

"The great and powerful Trixie has!" Trixie Lulamoon declared.

"See?" Bullseye smiled as the group went to their respective cells for some sleep.

"Wait! We need a name!" Tarantula informed the group.

"We don't need a name!" Porcupine sighed.

"Yes, we do!" Songbird snarled at Porcupine. Porcupine raised his metal-quills at Songbird, but Bullseye broke up the fight.

"Fine! How about The Thunderbolts?!" Bullseye exclaimed.

"Sure!" The group said as one as they went to get some sleep for the coming mission.

"The great and powerful Trixie thinks that this might have not been a good idea, all..." Trixie Lulamoon worried to herself as she approached the head of Boomerang, "I just hope that no one else dies like this..."

(To Be Continued)

Author's Note

R.I.P. The Unicorn (1964 - 2015)
R.I.P. Boomerang (1988 - 2015)