And Then He Had Nine...

by Raymanguy

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Nurse Redheart, Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3575

A talking cat claiming he's from another dimension with delusions of grandeur moves in with a quick witted and sarcastic pony nurse always stuck with the short straw. Could a more prefect pair there ever be?

Captain Broccoli Bolt. Despite the name, he is a leader of nothing, looks nothing like broccoli, and isn't fast. He is also a cat.

Nurse Redheart is a nurse for Ponyville Emergency Care Center with sharp wit and no social life.

What happens when these two find themselves forced together by strange circumstances?

Teen for occasional swearing and Slice of Life for some situations. Character tags will be added as needed.
Cover art by my good friend Kimba the White Lion.

Published 2016-04-29 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-29 19:20:01 UTC

1. Danger! Danger! HIGH VOLTAGE!

It was late at night and storming like mad. Although this seemed less like a storm and more like the sky was trying to water board the ground for information only the ground didn’t know the answer. Nor, for the record, could it speak if it did. Redheart hated when it stormed. Actually, that was a lie. Redheart loved when in stormed, she’d open all the windows in her apartment and watch the lightning flash and thunder rumble. What Redheart actually hated was having to walk home from the hospital at eleven o’clock at night with the weather like this. Nurse Redheart stared out into the rain soaked abyss of night from the dry safety of the ER through the sliding glass door. Lightning flashed and she saw her own reflection; her hat sat on her head slightly askew while her normally well-kept mane lay in disarray. In this one shift alone, she’d bathed fifty two painfully ungrateful patients, spoon fed medicine to forty three foals with tummy aches, and changed two hundred and ninety seven severely overused bedpans. She was not looking forward to galloping across town. She also wasn’t really looking forward to her normal end-of-shift repartee.

“Scared, Redheart?”

Redheart scoffed, “Of course not, Doctor Tendercare. I’m merely biding my time for the storm to calm a bit,” Doctor Tendercare was an emerald green unicorn stallion with a dark blue mane and tail. To all the other mares, he was a hunky dreamboat or a charismatic scoundrel. To Redheart, he was the doofus that hit on her every other breathe and one of the two ponies working at the Ponyville Medical Center she could even consider a tolerable. Even if that was only marginally.

Tendercare trotted next to her following her gaze, “It doesn’t look like that’s what you’re doing.”

Redheart rolled her eyes, “Is that your professional opinion?”

“Yes, it is in my professional opinion that you are just standing there hoping that I’ll offer to walk you home,” he said casting a sideways glance of his sapphire eyes and flashing his oh-so-charming smile.

“Right, because I haven’t anything better to do with my free time then to wait with baited breath for you to sweep me off my hooves.”

“Exactly. Why else would you stand there looking all pathetic and disheveled if not in an attempt to counter my advances?” Tendercare leaned in and whispered, “FYI, it’s not working.”

“I can see that much. However, that isn’t the case. If you must know I’ve had a long shift.”

“All the more reason for you let me walk you home or even my house. It’s closer than yours AND, better yet, I’ll be there,” he said, pushing as much suggestion into the statement as possible.

Redheart facehoofed and groaned, seeing that this wasn’t just their normal nonsuggestive banter she decided that she’d rather whether the storm of rain and lightning then whether the storm of stupid coming from her comrade in a white coat. She managed to squeeze out a “Goodnight, Tendercare,” through gritted teeth before trotting out headlong into the rain soaked night.

It took all of five seconds for Redheart to thoroughly regret her decision. The rain slammed into her with the force of a speeding train which made moving in any direction the wind wasn’t blowing an exercise in futility. Three of Redheart’s hooves dug into the ground while one hung tightly to her hat as she tried pushing her way into Ponyville Proper only the get blown in the opposite direction. She hadn’t much choice but to go with the flow as the heavy gusts sent her towards the park. Redheart only hoped that it was wide open spaces you were supposed to get in and not the other way round.

Redheart trotted in the river that could at one time have been called a pathway, following it rather than try and get off it and back onto the wind’s bad list. The trees groaned and creaked while thunder continued roaring at the town. It was at this point when Redheart had started to become a tiny bit afraid. That statement translates to mean that at the next flash of lightning she fled to the nearest tree and held on for dear life.

Why didn’t I just stay at the hospital?! she screamed internally. Right about now, Tendercare’s offer started to sound real nice. Why the heck did that thought even just cross my mind?! Redheart punished her treasonous head by banging it on the tree with great force. Repeatedly. It was the only way to be sure.

Lightning flashed overhead, but something was off. The flash wasn’t one of bright white but one of deep red. Then the rain stopped; as if the weather ponies had just turned off a faucet. The wind stilled and no thunder followed. Confused and still slightly dazed, Redheart released the tree from her death grip and slowly made her way back to the pathway. She looked right and left and saw nothing, aside from the place she was standing in the area didn’t even look wet. That was when Redheart her greatest mistake that night: she looked up.

Directly above her, the clouds twisted into an enormous swirl. It spun in two different directions at once. The outside was formed of more rounded clouds most of which looking like crescent moons, each stretching farther around as the swirl continued higher. The inside twisted in the other direction and its clouds looked like they were leaping from one side to another in no real order making them look like giant rending teeth. The sky had gained a gaping maw with which it would devour the world. The rational part of Redheart’s mind said that that was neither physically nor scientifically possible. It’s a shame that part was being thoroughly beaten out by fear. Her rump hit the ground as Redheart was rooted to the spot. The sight was like nothing she had ever seen and that was all before the lightning started flashing.

Bolts of lightning shot back and forth within the swirling vortex of terror. Each flash was an amazing shade of another color. Orange and blue crisscrossed while red and green smashed into each other. Redheart’s fear turned to wonderous bafflement. What played out over her couldn’t be the work of anything she could think of. If the weather ponies could make this, why hadn’t anypony mentioned or taken notice of it sooner? Same question if this was made by the princesses. This was unnatural, beyond explanation, reason, and perhaps even reality.

A deep purple flashed and it was at that moment Redheart saw something and asked herself one question: Is that thing getting closer? Another green flashed confirmed that not only was the whatever that thing above was getting closer but that the lightning was flashing faster. Thunder rocked the earth itself as it rose in volume as though it were the percussion section of a marching band performing the most bowel-emptying drumroll in history. As the lightning began to smash into a single, twisting, rainbow colored bolt and the drumroll of impending doom was reaching its crescendo, Redheart took it upon herself to do the logical thing: flee in utter terror.

Redheart charged through the park at speeds she never thought she could, abandoning the path altogether and galloping across the grass and past trees. However, there’d be time to admire her quickness later such as when it didn’t appear to be the end of the world. Redheart leapt over the park bench that dared stand in her path. The nearest building should more than enough to hide me, right? she thought. In the current context it made an amazing amount of sense to her, at least until a near blinding light started up from behind her. Redheart didn’t slow as she looked behind her find the source. The maw no longer sat above her but had instead tilted to aim straight for her, Redheart saw the inside had become spinning wheel of rainbow color except at the center where it shone a brilliant white light who’s glow was more pure than even Celestia’s sun; which made the fact that it was following her all the more horrifying for her.

Redheart tore away from the sight just in time to avoid a tree. However, she did not avoid the tree but instead rammed into it full force and head first. That action alongside her earlier attack against her treasonous thoughts left her with quite the migraine and possible concussion. Redheart ran a hoof across her face; she really wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with any of this. Sapphire lightning cracked, striking the tree leaving a scorch mark with dwindling cerulean embers. The hairs of her coat stood on end as she was reminded of exactly what she was fleeing from. Redheart staggered a moment as she herself stood up; her brain felt like it were smashing against the sides of her skull with each every slight movement. Thunder boomed at her as she came out of her stupor enough to gallop in the general direction of away.

Ducking round the tree Redheart saw houses just a short trot ahead. For the first time all day, the corners of her mouth lifted as she took off. Another crack echoed in the night, Redheart leapt to the side narrowly avoiding a scarlet bolt with her name on it. Zigging and zagging, she went making her way closer and closer to the building as bolt after colored bolt struck where she had been. She could make out trash cans sitting next to the house and with each vibrant zap Redheart grew more and more desperate to have something to hide behind. In her rattled state with brain shaken, not stirred, behind a row of metal trash cans seemed more than ideal. Redheart stopped zigzagging and gunned forward with all her strength. Almost there, almost there!

Redheart took one last leap as high and as far as she could; thunder roared and a lightning cracked as the rainbow building up in the cloud was unleashed in one enormous multi-colored bolt shot straight for her. Redheart’s leap came up short however as instead of leaping over the cans, she crashed into them. It was just her luck that she smashed into them as she had everything else that day; head first. “Ahhhhhhhhh!” she screamed as she tumbled and the bolt struck a trash can through her tail. Energy arced through all the garbage containers. Redheart screamed once more, or at least thought she did, as she felt something strike her, unable to tell whether it was a trash can or a fraction of that mega-bolt. She couldn’t tell if it was real or her multiple head injuries but she could have sworn she heard another voice scream as she slipped into unconsciousness.

How long she was out was anypony’s guess but as Redheart slowly blinked her way back to the magical land of Equestria, she figured it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes maybe a half an hour tops. Her head throbbed and her eyelids heavy as she took in the scene around her. Torn refuse bags and the dented bins that once held them sat scattered round her; however Redheart could only vaguely remember something about trash cans before she passed out. Some idea that maybe she could hide behind them or something; she wasn’t quite sure. The one thing she could remember clear as day was the one thing she didn’t want to see. After several deep breathes, Redheart braved moving her line of sight from the safe, soggy, and totally not evil ground toward the potentially monstrous and quite possibly malicious sky.

Nothing sat above her but regular black rain clouds. No sky mouth of death nor pretty rainbow lightning of even more death either. Even the thunder had reduced to a dull thump or two. Redheart collapsed back to the ground, not out of exhaustion (though she was very exhausted) but of relief. Whatever happened had happened and Redheart still drew breathe. The fact that she lived through it beat any questions of why or how. Thank Celestia! she thought as she closed her eyes and placed her chin on the damp grass. She lay there taking deep breathes, willing her heart rate to slow.

Thunder rumbled softly as Redheart felt a drop hit her muzzle signaling that the time for rest was over. Redheart fought against the lead blanket of exhaustion that was wrapped around her and forced her eyes open. As her eyes adjusted, something caught her attention; a sort of orange stick sat on the ground poking from behind one of the nearby bins. After the evening’s previous events, she wasn’t going to take any chances; Redheart rose shakily to her hooves. She stood there a moment while she battled discomfort and fatigue before she was able to turn away from the stick thing and walk slowly in the other direction. In the night’s newfound stillness, the soft splash of the rain soaked grass along with the quiet crunch of the grass formerly covered by trash cans.

Splash, CRUNCH, splash, CRUNCH, splash, CRUNCH.

What in the world is wrong with me? Redheart queried, cursing her curiosity. She cast glances back over her shoulder, sighing. “There has got to be something wrong with me.” Turning back round, Redheart gave a little shake trying to physically and mentally prepare for whatever the stick was. She really hoped it was just a stick but with her luck tonight, she hadn’t high expectations for that. Redheart walked on eggshells (both literally and metaphorically) as she made her way back. The closer she got, the more evident it became that whatever it was was not a stick. Redheart’s eyes slammed shut as her trepidation grew, however her legs now moved forward with or without her consent. Thunder rolled monotonously in the background as her hooves stopped and Redheart took a peek.

Stretched out behind the bin was, as she had predicted, not a stick but creature with many feline features. That was not very surprising considering it was a cat. Feeling relief at this fact Redheart ventured further examination. It was orange with a few white parts which included it’s paws and entire underside. All across it were more stripes of a deeper orange. However, more alarmingly, were spots of burnt fur arcing along it’s back, sides, and legs. Redheart guessed that it was hiding in or between the bins when the freaky lightning hit; it must’ve arced through the bins and hit the cat.

Guilt assaulted Redheart’s conscience as fiercely as the wind and rain had minutes before. Not only had she been the cause of him being hit by the lightning but had been about to leave it here and trot on home. Redheart’s vision was shaky so she clearly if it was breathing or not. She reached out towards…ZAP! Redheart flinched as her hoof was shocked by a jolt of rainbow colored static. She shook her hoof out and blew on it repeatedly; it was far hotter than any static shock she’d had happen before. Redheart looked down on the cat with her lesson learned; on a night like tonight you cannot let your guard down. Slowly, and with much greater caution, she moved her hoof back over it and lay it down gently. She could feel the cat’s chest rise and fall and let out a small sigh of relief. The feline stirred slightly and gave a small groan from Redheart’s touch. She leaned in, “Shh, shh. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be alright,” she comforted gently stroking it’s side. It stirred a moment more than simply lay back down.

Redheart was at something of a loss of what to do but as she felt another couple drops on her head, she decided that a better choice can be made in an indoor environment. She carefully slid her hoof under him (she could see that it was a him as she shifted him) and gently placed him over her back before trotting off toward her apartment.

A quarter mile, a lot of rain, and two flights of stairs later found the pair at the door to Redheart’s apartment. Although she had left the door unlocked when she left, it still took her seven tries to open it (wet hooves plus recently polished brass knob equals inequine levels of frustration to the fifth power). Finally the door clicked open and Redheart trotted in.

The apartment was fairly straight and opens with the living room being a large rectangle to the right that closed in to make a hallway leading further in. Directly to the entrance’s right was a small area with a round glass coffee table surrounded by three cushions lying on a rug that covers that portions section of the apartment’s hardwood floor with a mostly full bookshelf against the wall. A little further on the right was the real living room despite there being no walls to separate either section. The living room section was made up of a sofa against the far wall facing the doorway, a lounge chair, and another coffee table and bookshelf. Across from the living area right beside the hallway sat the kitchen’s open entryway in which sat a small four seat dining table tucked into the corner leaving it to only have two seats available. It was a sort of wraparound kitchen in that the portion with the stove, sink, fridge and the like were in a wraparound setup. A wall with a long rectangular opening was to the apartment’s entranceway looking out into the living room or into the kitchen. The opening even had a ledge giving it a sort of diner feel to it.

Redheart trotted to the sofa and gently lay the cat down. With a flick of her head, she flung the soaked nurse’s hat to the floor next to the coffee table before flopping into the lounge chair. The cushions began relaxing all the muscles Redheart had strained and tensed from not only her sixteen hour shift but from everything else as well. It didn’t take long for that exhaustion caught up to her and slowly began forcing her eyes shut.

“Mmmrr.”

Redheart’s eyes shot back open. She’d already forgotten about the cat. She turned her gaze to see him twitching and stirring. Redheart was stumped as to what to do, so she decided to do what she would for any other guest; get them something to drink and a towel. Redheart rolled her way out of the chair little by little. Once up and about with a goal in mind, the exhaustion crept back from once it came waiting for its opportune moment to strike. Redheart went partway down the hallway and paused opening up her linen closet. Biting the fluffiest towel she could see, she placed it over her mostly dried back before trotting back to the living room.

Redheart neared the sofa and saw him struggling to get his paws under him. She watched intently and he tried twice more and fell back onto the couch. His eyes remained closed and he hadn’t looked like he was awake just yet. Trying to sleepwalk perhaps. She shrugged off the thought trotted closer. Retrieving the towel, with a practiced flick it unfolded and she laid it over the semi soaked, shivering feline. Redheart sat there a moment, gently stroking him through the towel in an effort to calm and dry.

Redheart let out a soft sigh as she rose and headed toward the kitchen. She stood on her hindlegs to reach the cabinets and brought down several types of canned vegetables before she stopped herself. What the hay do cats eat? Perhaps she could ask Fluttershy about it. Or maybe she could just leave the cat with her. It's like she would be imposing as Fluttershy already took are of loads of animals. Guilt gripped at her mind once more as she continued contemplating what she was about to do.

"Ahhhhh, ow," said a voice.

Redheart spun around in search of it but found nothing. Her home appeared as empty as always. That sobering thought brought her back to the tack at hoof: food. She brought her can opener and went to town. For a nurse, she was incredibly imprecise when it came to everything not work related.

"Aw, jeez, will you turn it down a bit?"

This time Redheart was sure she heard something. Although that could easily be her multiple head injuries talking. She rounded the corner back into the living room. Everything still ship shape. Redheart scanned everything until her eyes settled on the cat. He was now standing up rather shakily on couch, a paw on his head. Redheart smirked, "I don't suppose it's you I've been hear was it?" she said, sarcasm more then evident.

"Of course it's me you stu-," the began as he looked up in shock to see and equally shocked nurse look down at him. The pair stared at one another for what felt like ages.

"Hello?" they both said in unison. It was quickly followed by the screams of both parties.

Author's Note

A talking cat?! Who woulda thunk?

Hope you enjoyed it. Let me know if you did.